Well it has been just over a year since I came out as trans and exactly a year since I was in the hospital for a near suicide attempt. It has been an interesting year of self discovery and transition, especially the past few weeks. Now that I have some experience with transitioning I have begun to realize that I need to take a different approach. I don't know what that approach is quite yet but I do know that now that I'm having a different attitude I am becoming quite happy. I have been trying to fit into the norms of what it's supposed to be like to be a woman and I just am feeling it's not for me. I need to be able to find a comfortable middle ground in which I can simply be myself and eschew masculinity and femininity and be myself. Also a name change is order because Julie just isn't fitting me anymore.
You guys maybe wondering now what exactly I have to come out for again? Well I've slowly been realizing and coming to terms with my sexuality. After flirting with a friend and getting more sexual with him I have come to realize that I'm asexual. The experience forced me to think about how I always felt about sex. I always felt very uncomfortable and tried to force myself to want it. I always feel out of place and have no interest when my friends start talking about it. I get no real pleasure from it, and masturbating just seemed like a chore to me when I had to do it. I felt so much pressure in the past to relate to others and as much as I tried I just couldn't. Now that I have had some kind of experience I'm beginning to accept and know that it isn't for me. My problem is coming out, I feel so different from others and I'm not sure how to go about it. I've told a few real close friends and they have been very supportive at least.
You are so brave for being honest with us and yourself. Bravo. The answers will come when you are not thinking about the situation. We are here for you at all times. Take it slow and vent to us as needed. We are all family here, no matter what the issue is.
There are so many people (I think I would be one of them) with a voracious appetite for sex :)
That is me.
I see no reason though that there can't be people with no appetite for sex at all. That might be you.
I don't think it makes you strange of course.
Enjoy yourself not being made to need either. I am also sure you can find people that are equally not needing that would like to be with you.
I'm glad you are finally finding out what makes you happy.
While I am not asexual, I can relate. I feel very uncomfortable about my body. Just the thought of someone seeing me naked or that evil part really kills me, but I can't say I don't desire men even if I haven't gotten the nerve to be intimate yet.
I had an asexual before and he never really "came out". To be honest, it's not something that people usually come out with, at least in my experience. Most people share it without the typical coming out fears. Usually people are just honest and open about not being into sex. It's different in some ways, but people don't treat it as a major thing like coming out as gay or trans. Then again, I could be wrong on this, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
I used to think I was an Ace because I hate masterbation and didn't care about sex but now that I'm with my BF I can't stop thinking about it. maybe you just need to meet the right person but if you are an ace that's coool too! Just be yourswlf. that's what's important.
Thanks for the support guys. The only reason I'm nervous is that some of my friends are very sexual and I just feel very awkward about it. Honestly I could never relate to them but that does not preclude the possibility of doing it with someone I'm real close to. At the very least I would do it for them. But forget about hypotheticals, I just want to do what I'm comfortable with. And I feel, especially since I started coming out four years ago, that I can now just be myself and I'm happy with that.
Quote from: JulieVB on October 05, 2013, 12:29:50 PM
Thanks for the support guys. The only reason I'm nervous is that some of my friends are very sexual and I just feel very awkward about it. Honestly I could never relate to them but that does not preclude the possibility of doing it with someone I'm real close to. At the very least I would do it for them. But forget about hypotheticals, I just want to do what I'm comfortable with. And I feel, especially since I started coming out four years ago, that I can now just be myself and I'm happy with that.
I wouldn't worry too much. People don't tend to get weird around asexuals from what I have seen. It may make relationships more complex, but it shouldn't cause issues between friends.
You're right, I just over think and complicate things in my head. Well soon enough I'll come out with myself. I'm just starting to be comfortable with myself. I also figure that anything that come up in a future relationship we'll go about it when the time comes. I'm not going to worry about all these what ifs and worries that I have.
I used to be totally asexual till I was 23. Completely 0, nada, including masturbation (because I could figure out how to and what I was supposed to do - honestly). Then came the discovery time and hypersexuality, boosted by T, hit me to the extent that I sometimes felt like a slave to him and almost in a way that the thing was killing me. Now, with male libido going down, I am entering the female sexuality phase (at least, I hope so) and while I also feel at times quite asexual, I believe that this some kind of phase which will transform into another. So, for You Julie, I would advise not to hurry with assumptions and statements, but just let the things go their own way. Do You need this "coming out"? Do You feel like You are pressed to make this statement to Your friends? I had an exchange of views with my best male friend - partially after I noticed that he tends to stare where guys usually do and it made me feel awkward and being acknowledged at the same time - so I openly told him that in his presence I feel like I wanna flirt with him and tease a bit and I cant do anything about it, yet I dont want anything to happen between us. He said that I am free to flirt and do whatever I wish - and my internal response was like: "Oh, really? You just told me that I can tease You and it is not going to have any effect on You? You are really underestimating me..." Yet, I know that if he touched me (and I am sure he would not), I would slap his face instantly. So I want and dont want at the same time... Go, figure :).