It's National Coming Out Day across the U.S.! For those of you tortured souls hiding in despair, it's time to take the plunge and come out to those that you love. Trust me, it's worth it, despite the pain... Call them growing pains. If they love you they will understand. If not, you've been blessed with knowledge you need to move on.
For me it coming out was June 13th when I was pleasantly forced by TMZ's Harvey Levin to come out on his show. Over the next week my story went international. 800 new FB friends and more than 3,000 congratulatory posts later I couldn't be happier. Sure, my daughter isn't talking to me, but I look at as a vacation from her insecurities. ;-) What I'm trying to say is, that if I can do it, you can do it!
We owe it to the kids...Good luck!
"The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict." - MLK, Jr.(Hugs to Liz Marie for This)
In the past I have posted All Out items on abuse of lgbt people in countries in the world on my Facebook page. Beyond my family & sisterhood that do know & haven't said anything previously so as not to out me, for the people that don't know, I hoped might open up some dialogue, never happened, so I don't know were people are on any of this and I thought it may lead to breaking some ice on me. Yesterday I posted on Facebook a local newspaper article on a 8 year old & his coming out as a girl. I commented that I identified with this girls journey. It has been out there for a day now & status quo, no acknowledgement. It will be interesting to see if anything happens seeing as I have come out. Perhaps my circle is in denial, ignore & it will go away, not interested.
Sorry about your daughter, otherwise you have come out on the good side of things. That is awesome, congratulations!
Hope we hear more coming out journeys.
Good luck.
Jamie
I am just beginning to explain to friends and my wife, about one month now, open communication about what has caused me to spend the last several years as a drunken azz, and why for past few months that person has been gone, I just started my medically supervised HRT this week after a year of therapy and coming out to my general practice doctor and requesting help to get an endocrinologist. the upper management at work is aware and we plan to deliver a formal introduction of Jerri just after the holidays to the general population at that time I will go full time reflecting my real self. I do how ever still have my daughter to open up with, I am still working out the details of how best to open that door with my therapist. Our grand kids meen the world to my wife and I, it will do my best to not lose that trust of my daughter. any day now I will be asking her to sit an chat. I do have to say that after I came out to me, the process after my fear subsides a bit is very liberating. wishing everyone the best of the day. xo Jerri
I just can't......too much I'm already worried about right now and I don't need risking losing my family on top of it. It's been a very stressful couple of weeks.......
Quote from: Jasriella on October 11, 2013, 05:18:00 PM
I just can't......too much I'm already worried about right now and I don't need risking losing my family on top of it. It's been a very stressful couple of weeks.......
I'd have to agree, there's too much at stake at the moment.
But at least I joined here today, that has to count for something, right?
Coming out to you all is about the best I can do right now.
Quote from: Willow on October 11, 2013, 05:26:29 PM
I'd have to agree, there's too much at stake at the moment.
But at least I joined here today, that has to count for something, right?
Coming out to you all is about the best I can do right now.
It counts for so many things, there's so much information here and the people are so nice and helpful. And yays, you gotta start somewhere and you can be sure here is safe.
oh how i would lvoe to do that. im nearly posative my parents oqwuld be accepting, i know they have no problem with gays but.. iunno it scares me senseless. not to mention theres been so much drama going on latley that i just couldnt do it unless i knew i wouldnt have to talk to them for ages.
Quote from: Jasriella on October 11, 2013, 05:37:08 PMIt counts for so many things, there's so much information here and the people are so nice and helpful. And yays, you gotta start somewhere and you can be sure here is safe.
I've been afraid often, even before going to the meeting of the campus Trans* organization last night. Some of the Transpeople I've met haven't been supporting at all, calling me "another disgusting fetishist" and that I'm "just envious of my sister" (which is true, but not the reason I'm trans*)
You all here seem much more supporting :)
I had come out to a small number of friends in the past, but today announced it fully on my old (boy) fb just because its coming out day :-)
@kariann, coming out on fb takes some bravura, Congratulations!
@Jerri, Big steps, all best wishes in your breaking news for coming out.
@Willow, You are right, it takes courage to post that coming out introduction here, makes you feel kind of naked.
Coming out your have to sense when the time is right for you & who you are telling your journey to.
Quote from: Jamiep on October 11, 2013, 06:49:35 PM@Willow, You are right, it takes courage to post that coming out introduction here, makes you feel kind of naked.
Coming out your have to sense when the time is right for you & who you are telling your journey to.
I am clothed at the moment, thanks you :P
Though that did remind me I have to do laundry...
After dinner.
But anyways, thanks so much to you, and all you, for being so supportive. Not all transpeople have taken so kindly to me. You all are great so far *hug*
Kia Ora,
One can never go back in once they are out...In other words you can't pour spilt milk back into the bottle...
So "Happy Coming Out(of the closet) Day" to all those who 'come out'.... Once the dust settles you will find your world will never be quite the same again...
Metta Zenda :)
People should only come out if and when they're ready. And they should decide the method of how, as well.
I've had various coming outs over the years. My coming out process started in 2008 to my then wife, who wasn't all that surprised. I told my kids (ages 18 and 20) in 2010. My parents and brothers found out in 2011, not long after my transition really began, and I came out on Facebook in September 2011 when I went full time. My official coming out at church was in January 2012.
But my coming outs would've been much harder without my allies, and to them I owe the utmost thanks (http://doubleinvert.wordpress.com/2013/10/11/a-message-of-thanks-on-coming-out-day/).
I am very aware of how lucky I am. Yes, I'm divorced now but at least it wasn't a bitter divorce. I'm transitioning on the job, and people who were merely coworkers before are friends now. My church supports me. My kids still love me. I know that's not the way it is for many others. I've been to a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony and will be attending one this year again. I am greatly fortunate.
Coming out is not only scary, it can be dangerous. That is a simple fact. For those who aren't out yet: only you may decide if, when, and how to come out. Don't let others pressure you. This is your story to live and to tell as you see fit.
I've come out to my wife, her mom, one of my brothers and one of his friends, and my sister and cousin/bestie. However, because of my dads current health issues (beat cancer, got diebetese and now dealing with kidney and heart failure) I don't feel it's right to come out to my parents. I know they'll both disown me, they're both openly against the lgbt due to their religion, so I don't want to distance myself from them just yet.
Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.
So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle.
Quote from: Megan on October 11, 2013, 11:47:35 PMToday was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.
So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle.
You poor thing. You need a hug *hugs*
Quote from: Megan on October 11, 2013, 11:47:35 PM
Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.
So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle.
Just know that even though it isn't obvious and people usually don't say anything, but it's hard to hear of things like this and not get a little teared up. *hugs* the internet is both a gift and a curse. The curse here is if I could I'd give you a shoulder to cry on. I really hope it works out better for you tomorrow.
During my first transition I was fairly open about it to my closest friends quiet early in my HRT, but that then meant many months where I was swapping back and forth, presenting as female sometimes but often as male (particularly when the beard was noticeable). Although they were remarkably supportive I think it confused them and tried their patience somewhat.
This time, other than my health professionals, I've told only two people... my boss and a co-worker - both women and both supportive. And I really only told them because the emotional melt down that triggered my decision to pursue transition 2.0 was related to an incredibly trivial but deeply hurtful incident at work and I felt I had to set the record straight.
I've told no one else my current intentions, even those that knew about the first time, largely because of the shame I still feel about bailing from 1.0. I burnt a lot of bridges by being a jerk when I bailed and it took many years to rebuild them. I know I shouldn't care what other people think about me but I don't really want to tell anybody months out from going full-time and have them thinking "here 'he' goes again", "wasn't 'he' happy as a man?", "can't 'he' make up his mind", "do I call 'him' 'he' or 'she' today?", etc.
This time I'd rather just get to the point of going full-time and tell everyone then. Obviously they might still think those things but I'll hopefully be where I want to be... and I won't care. :)
Thanks for the hugs Willow & Jasriella
Quote from: Jasriella on October 12, 2013, 12:28:53 AM
Just know that even though it isn't obvious and people usually don't say anything, but it's hard to hear of things like this and not get a little teared up. *hugs* the internet is both a gift and a curse. The curse here is if I could I'd give you a shoulder to cry on. I really hope it works out better for you tomorrow.
That's my favorite thing about this place. Even though we don't have physical contact with others we can still get & give comfort and support to people when they really just need to hear something positive. Giving someone well wishes still helps a lot even if its just text on a monitor screen.
To be honest I am way too scared to tell my parents but I finally emailed my mm. Might email my dad but am still too scared to. This has been the boost I needed to email my mum as it is. She raised me so I would think she would know anyways, but we will see.
Quote from: kariann330 on October 11, 2013, 05:55:43 PM
I had come out to a small number of friends in the past, but today announced it fully on my old (boy) fb just because its coming out day :-)
Congratulations!!! How'd it go????
Quote from: Megan on October 11, 2013, 11:47:35 PM
Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.
So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle.
Figure i'd update this thread with the outcome of my weekend.
Saturday didn't turn out well either, it was a 10 hour long panic attack that ended with nearly the same results minus no family drama was involved.
Sunday thing's went great, I felt calm and peaceful all day then I finally was able to tell them, https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150239.msg1253817.html#msg1253817
I missed the day! I didn't know about it until last night. I hate the phrase "coming out". :-\ I'm private, not in a closet! lol ;D
So far I have recently told 8 people, including my best female friend, and my brother and his wife. Everyone has been very supportive. I've been divorced over a year and haven't told my ex or my kids yet...
Quote from: Megan on October 11, 2013, 11:47:35 PM
Today was a terrible day. I tried to come out to my parents but everything went sour with my mom & sister/her daughter drama. That put mom into too much of a bad emotional state after my sis and her family left to go to their home. I ended up bawling my eyes out as I drove the 30 miles back to my home. I am so frustrated at my sister right now. She ruined the whole night with her typical antics of being a jerk to the family when she has her stepson for the weekend when we have our weekly family get together dinner. All I wanted was to be able to talk to them alone after my SIS's family left. Arrrgghh.
So my new plan to come out is for tomorrow. I can only hope that my parents have minimal contact with family related drama when they go to a ball game in the morning so I can come out during lunch after I get off of work. I don't need that kind of drama + what I'm going to tell them all mixed together. I know that scenario would not turn out well. Its gonna be tough enough as is just laying my issues out on the table for them to handle.
wait for the right moment! Don't be in a rush. Wait until people are in a good mood happy.
It's OK, my complete coming out to myself was 2 days earlier, the day after that I came out to others in real life (just a few at a transgender support group) and learned that I was a day too soon :P