Hi everyone,
I am an "older tee" living in England. My story is similar to most transgendered people from childhood up. I tried to cover up my true self for many, many years, but have recently been identified as transgendered. I have a spouse who is struggling to come to terms with my coming out to her. Right now I am thinking very hard about transition and whether it is right for me. Naturally I want to know as much as possible about other people's experiences. Regarding passability, my age is now against me and my voice is a disaster zone! But I'm working on it. I try to stay positive.
welcome Louise!
Welcome to Susan's Place Louise!
I'm certain you will find a lot of what you are looking for on this site. There are web links to other resources. A wiki for finding definitions of terms and words with which you may be unfamiliar and many touching experiences from the members and visitors here.
There are some members of this site who are higher up in age. They will have encouraging news for you, I'm sure. The thing with the spouse can be very difficult. There are many people who encounter issues with their spouses when trans issues come up. There are success stories as well as sad ones, but either way, it will take some strength to handle. I wish you well with your spouse. There is a section in the forums where you may find help with that.
You will learn much from the younger people here too. They have a different point of view than us older types. They are positive and generally take pride in their identity in a way that is very inspiring as well as comforting.
Whatever it is you do here, remember to have some fun.
Love,
Rebecca
Hello Louise and welcome to Susan's!
Thanks so much for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay!
tink :icon_chick:
Hi Louise! I'm glad to meet you. I am an older a mature TG woman just starting her journey. Welcome aboard. Hope to hear more from you in the forums.
You've come to the right place-
-Barb
Thank you all for the welcome messages. I'm so glad to have found this wonderful place!
Louise
Welcome, Louise!
It took me a while to get started too. Being over 50 has its disadvantages in transitioning and it has good parts too. (I just can't seem to remember them, though. ;) )
I'm happy to make your acquaintance and I hope we'll see alot more of you in the future!
hugs & smiles
Emelye
Welcome to Susan's, Louise!
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife'e struggles. Unfortunately, it's something many members here have faced. Have hope that it IS possible for a marriage to survive all this, but admittedly it can be a difficult road to travel.
Do you have a therapist? Many therapists will offer group sessions where you and your spouse can talk over things in a safe, moderated environment.
As for passing, don't worry about your age. People do this at ALL ages. Besides, happiness seems to be more a matter of self-acceptance than anything else... though admittedly passing can certainly make things easier.
Again, welcome! I'd like to hear more about your goals, fears, concerns if you'd like to share more?
~Kate~
To be honest Kate, I'm not expecting much at my age, for instance I know I'll never look like Paris Hilton(!), but I would just like some physical acknowledgement that I should have been a woman, a clean face and an A-cup would be fine. At present I'm in the early stages of counselling with a qualified lady who has had alot of experience with gender indentity clients. She has confirmed that I am transgendered, based on my bio and ever present feelings. She has told me that my features and build are not overly masculine and that with some TLC I could be made to pass without too much difficulty, but would need to do an enormous amount of work on my voice and diction - I have the most awful local accent (sounds like ol' farmer Giles!). My other hurdle involves my spouse, who was initially shocked when I came out to her. Although she is understanding she would like it to be a secret between us, with family, neighbours and friends never knowing - I know in my heart that would be impossible as I am fairly well known in our district, having run a business in the area for years. Thanks so much for your interest in me.
Hello Louise,
I'm an over 50 TS too.
Like you my wife and family are the main obstacles in transitioning.
My wife is fine with it as long as it's not physical changes. :(
Welcome to Susan's,
Jillieann
Quote from: Jillieann on June 27, 2007, 04:59:00 AM
Hello Louise,
I'm an over 50 TS too.
Like you my wife and family are the main obstacles in transitioning.
My wife is fine with it as long as it's not physical changes. :(
Welcome to Susan's,
Jillieann
Thank you for replying Jillieann. Yes, it's a difficult situation but I can understand how wives/partners must feel. For me dressing is secondary to getting the physical changes I need to make me feel "right". I'm really hoping my wife will be OK about it if/when it happens and that we can find a satisfactory way to have an intimate relationship. Keeping it "secret" will almost certainly be more difficult.
Welcome Louise. There are many lovely ladies and men who can help you here.
Good Luck
Quote from: Jaston on June 27, 2007, 07:42:09 AM
Welcome Louise. There are many lovely ladies and men who can help you here.
Good Luck
Thanks for your good wishes Jaston!
Louise
Hi, Louise,
I am also over fifty and just getting started. I have been very encouraged to move ahead by the number of "older" people here who are successfully transitioning, or who have already, and I hope you will be also. This is an amazing and supportive group of people here. Anyway, as you can see from the replies, you have a lot of company.
Rob
Thanks for your reply Rob. Yes, it's greatly encouraging.
Louise
Quote from: louise000 on June 27, 2007, 02:29:47 AM
Although she is understanding she would like it to be a secret between us, with family, neighbours and friends never knowing...
People usually start picturing a "guy in a dress" when first told about this. They don't realize the reality usually ends up being much different once HRT starts doing it's magic. I was terrified people would laugh, think I'm a pervert... you know the routine. And yet a week or so ago my wife, friends, (wife's) family and neighbors threw me a surprise birthday party, both to say "Welcome to the world!" but also to say "IT'S OK. STOP WORRYING ABOUT US!"
And yet, my own parents still find it all terribly embrassing, as do a couple of my friends. BUT... they've never met Kate, they only remember me as a male. Everyone who HAS watched me morph into Kate these last ten months is fine with it all.
Point being... give her time. She needs to transition WITH you, if that's what you decide to do.
~Kate~
Welcome Louise,
Give it time for everything to fall into place and you'll feel so much better by not rushing into things. I agree 100% with what Kate has said. It's societies perception of the transgender community.
Gina :icon_geekdance:
Thanks Nigella, Kate and Gina. The great thing is I no longer feel so isolated and alone. At present there is a sort of uneasy tolerance between me and my better half. She is over the initial shock, but I feel she is wondering what will happen next. I am still having to hide my clothes and dress furtively. I have tried to explain to her that dressing and making up is not a sexual turn on for me, but just allows me to feel briefly normal. Obviously I am trying to move on from here, but don't want to spoil our relationship. I am having G.I. counselling and obviously these things are being discussed. Thank you all for responding, it's so appreciated. Louise.
Quote from: Kate on June 27, 2007, 12:02:11 PM
Point being... give her time. She needs to transition WITH you, if that's what you decide to do.
~Kate~
Rush slowly. Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Robyn