my mum keeps mis pronouning me and it hurts I know she does it by accident , iv never mentioned it
I dont want to have a huge convo about it , I thought next time she mis pronouns me I could just correct her after like if she calls me , she
ill just intervene with he ?
or should I have a small talk about it ?
the reason I dont want to talk in length with her is I dont want to get over upset over it , I just want to move forward
I know it might sound silly but sometimes it really hurts me :/
thanks !
Not silly at all, whether accidental or intentional misgendering can hurt. Does she correct herself or carry on without realising? Does she do it all the time or only now and then. I'd suggest simply correcting her if it's an occasional thing but she may need a convo if it's frequent. She needs to hear that it hurts.
She always does it , :/ its hard , I feel like shes accepted me so far maybe the pronoun thing I shouldnt push to far ? but I dont know im having a down day
Big hug! Sorry you're having a cloudy day. She'll need time, how long has she known? Hugs, Devlyn
My parents are doing the same. It hurts but I have to look at it from their perspective. They have known me as one thing for almost 30 years. Its going to take some time for them to heal and come to terms with everything.
I would correct each and every time it happens. You can give them the benefit of the doubt - that they're trying. If that's the case, correcting them will help.
People accommodate the physical conditions of people they love. If one of your parents were hearing-impaired, for example, you'd try to speak extra clearly around them and you'd expect them to remind you if you forget.
This is no different.
I think a lot of it is just automatic muscle memory. They will get it. It just takes time.
My parent since i went full time in 2005 called me by my female name, but still uses he male pronouns most of the times.
I seen Marci Bowers did a interview one time and said her mom still does the male pronouns.
Its now a few years and it just kinda does not effect me as much anymore. I know it is not hurtfuly said.
Hope it gets better, you can make mention that please do not do it in public due to a saftey issue with you and how others might react.
Izzy
If you don't talk they don't hear.
Simple as that.
My mom is 80 and on a good day she generally recalls most things. But hey 80 is 80.
She knows I prefer female manners of address, and she knows it bothers me, and she knows I value the acceptance more than some words.
If she goes to her grave never really getting it right, she will pass on knowing I loved her all the more for her accepting me regardless.
Now if a 20 something minor relative or work colleague or casual acquaintance can't get it right, that makes them of limited intellect eventually. The proper response there is 'what? are you that dense? that incapable? do I start referring to YOU in an unacceptable fashion? would you mind being known as doofus?'.
Because our name and manner of address, it's not a 20 digit serial number we are asking them to remember. It's a damned name, and gender.
It's NOT rocket science, it's about them giving a damn to a point.
But hey, I've mis pronoun ed myself on several occasions and been annoyed on the inside. What? do you need sweat running between your breasts on a hot day in a confining bra to remember your gender? :)
But like I said, if you never say anything, you have no right to complain. People only know it is a problem if you tell them.
:) thanks guys your right lesley
My wife and some of my children refuse to accept my new identity. There's nothing I can really do about it.
Maybe my mother is out of the ordinary. She actually truly views me as female (more than I do myself) and has never misgendered me one year from the start of transition 19 years ago. I don't know how far you are into the process, but you may need to be patient until they can sort this stuff out in their head. I know it hurts. My dad took quite some time to get up to speed and he may still misgender me on those rare occasions.
Quote from: MaryXYX on October 15, 2013, 01:08:02 PM
My wife and some of my children refuse to accept my new identity. There's nothing I can really do about it.
Well you COULD tell them on the day you clock out, if they still haven't accepted you, then they might as well skip the reading of the will :)
It is only two years from Full Time. (Yeah! The magic '2' birthday!) My wife will never come round, but I have hopes for at least some of the children.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on October 15, 2013, 05:15:19 PM
Well you COULD tell them on the day you clock out, if they still haven't accepted you, then they might as well skip the reading of the will :)
I had thought of that. My will says "divide everything equally among the children" but I did have to think about the one who changed her surname when I got the Asperger's diagnosis.