[Just more of my rambling here]
I am usually really good at forgiving people (almost a little too forgiving for my own good sometimes :laugh: ), but lately there's been a little thing that hasn't been so easy to let go. I thought I forgave this person, but every once in awhile it pops up in my head and I am not so sure.
I was listening to someone talk about Guru Gobind Singh Ji and the Chalee Muktey (http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Chali_Mukte) ("the forty redeemed ones"), this story is usually shown to show how Sikhism doesn't punish people who leave the religion. However, I was thinking tonight how it's a good example of forgiveness as well.
Here it goes:
The Sikhs were under siege by the Mughuls at Anandpur. Guru Gobind Singh Ji and the Khalsa were being starved out at the fort. Months went by, and they kept fighting from within the fort. Finally, 40 Sikhs had enough of the hunger and cold, and told Guru Ji that they wanted to desert and go home. Guru Ji said that they could go as long as they wrote a note saying so. All 40 wrote a note saying "You are not our Guru, and we are not your Sikhs", they were given passage out of the siege and went home to their village.
At home, the other villagers and their families were upset about their desertion of Guru Ji, and their wives said "if you will not fight, we'll fight in your place. You stay here and take care of the house." The forty realized how weak they had been, and they went back to fight with Guru Ji and the remaining Khalsa in the Battle of Mukhtsar. Thirty-nine of the forty laid dead when Guru Ji won the battle. He walked out onto the battle field where the 40th man, Bhai Maha Singh, lay dying, and asked him if there was anything he could do for him, that he could give him anything he wished. Guru Ji was a powerful man and could've given him anything, but Bhai Maha Singh Ji just said "all I want is for you to rip up that letter." Guru Ji said "I have it right here on me, I never believed it anyways", Guru Ji tore it up and forgave the forty men for deserting him and the Khalsa during the siege.
Now, we know during World War 1 and 2, as well as other wars, that soldiers, even in places like Europe, were shot if they tried to desert during battle, so this is a story of how Sikhi does let you leave at will without consequences. But, it also shows how and when you should forgive people. The Chalee Mukhtee proved their loyalty to Guru after their desertion. How easy would it have been to be angry at these men who announced that they were just going to leave during the middle of a siege, to say they were abandoning the Khalsa and the Guru? This is one of the worst things that could've been done. Guru Ji could've been angry with the men upon their return, or not paid them any notice after their sacrifice.
In our daily lives, we need to accept, like Guru Ji did, that not everyone will be kind to us, or stay with us during our time of need. We shouldn't hold ill feelings when we're abandoned or mistreated. People have free will to go on their way whenever they like, even if it doesn't make us happy or is in our best interest. It does take some work to be embraced again, when the person shows this loyalty again, then they can be forgiven.
I've heard this story multiple times before, but only started really thinking deeper about it after seeing Jagraj get emotional about it here: (from 14:00 to about 16:30 minutes)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zn1-KFf1JQ
What stories make you think of forgiveness? What inspires you to embrace people back into your fold?
I'm all about honestly and genuine feelings. If someone is really remorseful and wants to reconcile, I can't say know. It's weird, but I've always loved people and cared about them. That's why I hate conflict. Life is too short for grudges. If someone is really sorry in their heart, I cannot reject the apology. I'm too much of an emotional person to reject someone who is sincerely asking for forgiveness, unless they are like a crazy weirdo looking to hurt you or something.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell if someone is genuinely sorry or not. I think Iam unable to fully forgive this person because I am expecting it to not be genuine.
Quote from: LearnedHand on October 16, 2013, 11:02:55 PM
Sometimes, it's hard to tell if someone is genuinely sorry or not. I think Iam unable to fully forgive this person because I am expecting it to not be genuine.
I know it's a stupid thing to say, but listen to their heart. If they lack sincerity and say things to get out of trouble, they haven't learned anything and shouldn't apologize to begin with. What's the point in saying things you don't feel or mean? And why should we accept that? It's really not the apology that matters, it's the intent or cause of the apology. I've had people apologize who meant not a word and other's who really were shaken emotionally. The latter situation wa what I was talking about.
Lol it's complicated :D Wait and see.
A quote which I didn't realise the value of until recently is this:
Forgiveness means letting go of the past. ~ Gerald Jampolsky
That, to me, is what it is more than forgiving someone. It's letting go of something you've been holding onto. Like the letter. And it's something which I think we all can do, regardless if the other party is sincere or not. Someone doesn't have to apologise in order for you to forgive them. It's something we do from within ourselves.