How weird would it look to change your name a second time after only having the name for ~2 years? I changed my name as the first thing in my transition near the beginning of 2012. I don't like it all now. It seemed to fit and now I look at it and can't see it as me. I started feeling this way around the time I started T.
Socially it would not matter, as no one but my therapist uses it anyways. People use the old gender neutral nickname from my old name they always have if anything, and I am not even really out to anyone but one person. I would have to change my accounts again, but oh well on that.
I have a short list of names I really like, but I keep finding dumb problems with them I can't get over. I got all of these from looking at what names were popular the year I was born. I would probably find silly reasons to reject any name I like.
Elliott - I really like this name, but the female character on Scrubs was named Eliot and now I can't stop thinking about that when I look at the name. It is a male name right? And, I live right near Elliott Bay, which is a giant body of water and a bunch of stuff here has it in the name. Is that weird if I pick it given this?
Dorian - A top choice, but the character Dorian Gray in Oscar Wilde's novel is not such a great person from what I can tell. I haven't read the book. Additionally, apparently some people see this as a female name. Is it? And, does it seem like a sorta trendy name? I don't want trendy. It is not that popular in the U.S. according to the SSA baby name page, but it has that vibe.
Benjamin, Andrew - both names I like, but I have seen them on other trans guys.
Are my reasons for rejecting them silly? This is really my short list. Is switching my name again going to look really weird to employers or whoever in the future?
I find your excuse for Benjamin or Andrew superfluous. There are many cis guys with those names too. Do you really want a name that only you have, that would be difficult and you would have to make one up with no guarantee that someone else hasn't done the same.
Your reasoning for Elliot all around you I can understand but I never seen it used as a girls name, except as a last name.
Lot of people haven't read Oscar Wilde books even thought lots of people have. If you like the name use it, if not don't.
I do suggest you be sure that if you change your name again, that this is the last time. You don't want to be known as that guy who can't even tell his own name. Many cis people are not happy with their name, you fit in just fine by not liking yours.
Hey there
Alright so here are some things. I am partly thinking "come one dude, suck it up, you made a choice, now stand by it" and also that cisguys dont choose their names.
I am willing to wager that a part of the reason why it doesnt feel like you is because hardly anyone uses it. Whats to say you wont have the same feelings about your new name?
But then again, who really cares? If you dont like it, change it. It's your choice, but i feel like its good practice to stand by your decisions. I wonder if you could shorten the name you chose into something more agreeable?
That's good perspective from both of you. ya'll are right - almost everyone shares a name with someone, and there are cis guys who have to suck it up and live with it.
Quote from: spacerace on October 21, 2013, 10:32:50 AM
Elliott - I really like this name, but the female character on Scrubs was named Eliot and now I can't stop thinking about that when I look at the name. It is a male name right? And, I live right near Elliott Bay, which is a giant body of water and a bunch of stuff here has it in the name. Is that weird if I pick it given this?
Well, despite a female character being named this, Elliott still reads male. Has it sparked a trend among baby girls? If so, it probably will no longer be considered usable as a male name after awhile.
Considering the place namesakes, you may get asked about it. If that doesn't bother you, I don't see a problem.
QuoteDorian - A top choice, but the character Dorian Gray in Oscar Wilde's novel is not such a great person from what I can tell. I haven't read the book. Additionally, apparently some people see this as a female name. Is it? And, does it seem like a sorta trendy name? I don't want trendy. It is not that popular in the U.S. according to the SSA baby name page, but it has that vibe.
It's ambiguous to me. I could see on it on a male or female. But if I just saw the name printed out, I'd probably think female. Others might not.
QuoteBenjamin, Andrew - both names I like, but I have seen them on other trans guys.
Maybe, but they're also on a lot more cis guys. They're classic guy names. You can't go wrong.
QuoteAre my reasons for rejecting them silly? This is really my short list. Is switching my name again going to look really weird to employers or whoever in the future?
I'm not sure how it would look. But the bottom line is to pick something you like. If you find something that's just 'you', the little details and drawbacks won't matter. There are probably drawbacks to every name out there.
Edit: just saw the posts above me. I agree with what LordKat said about the names. I don't know how many people would make the Dorian Gray connection. I don't think I would by just hearing 'Dorian'.
Chuck has a point about analyzing the current name first. What is it you no longer like about it? What did you like about it when you chose it? If you really can't live with it, you should change it. But figuring out what it is that 'went wrong' with the name may help in picking another one.
Edit: Just saw your post. Is part of the problem with Avery the gender ambiguity it seems to have now?
I hope you don't mind me sharing my name experiences with you.
I've had my name legally changed three times, though the first two were male and my reasons were somewhat different.
I originally changed my name back in 2005, before I was able to accept being trans, to that of a character from a popular sci-fi movie franchise because I've always hated my birth name.
Last year, I changed my name to another sci-fi character's name, but this one was more "normal." The previous one was met with a lot of doubt when people met me and I didn't want my kids to go through that as adults. This new name was ultra male and actually reawakened my dysphoria and led to realizing that I'm trans.
Between my birth name and my third name, I can understand the feeling of not having a name fit you, even if you picked the name for yourself. ;)
When I started transition, it took me awhile to find that Amelia was a great fit for me. While it's really popular in England, it's not super popular in the U.S. so that was good (I didn't want a trendy name either).
When it comes to choosing a name, I don't think there really is a good or bad reason to like/dislike a name. Sometimes you just have to listen to your gut. If you don't like it, you don't like it.
I think it should be fine as far as jobs are concerned, as long as you're upfront about it.
Quote from: spacerace on October 21, 2013, 10:32:50 AM
Elliott - I really like this name, but the female character on Scrubs was named Eliot and now I can't stop thinking about that when I look at the name. It is a male name right? And, I live right near Elliott Bay, which is a giant body of water and a bunch of stuff here has it in the name. Is that weird if I pick it given this?
Elliot is a male name, I've never watched Scrubs and have never heard it used for a female until now.
QuoteDorian - A top choice, but the character Dorian Gray in Oscar Wilde's novel is not such a great person from what I can tell. I haven't read the book. Additionally, apparently some people see this as a female name. Is it? And, does it seem like a sorta trendy name? I don't want trendy. It is not that popular in the U.S. according to the SSA baby name page, but it has that vibe.
I've never heard of Dorian used as a female name before either. I'm sure no matter what male name you choose, there is probably a female, somewhere with the same name. ;)
QuoteBenjamin, Andrew - both names I like, but I have seen them on other trans guys.
It shouldn't matter, there are probably other trans guys name Dorian and Elliot too. I think you should just worry about if the names are right for you. There are other Amelias/Amys here but it doesn't bother me, I can share. ;)
When I decided on my name, Amelia Rose, I had chosen them from characters in the current incarnation of Doctor Who. However, they're my least two favorite companions but the names fit me well and I think they're very pretty. :)
Just trust your feeling and if you think it's a good fit, go with it. :)
Amy
Quote from: FA on October 21, 2013, 11:03:12 AM
Edit: Just saw your post. Is part of the problem with Avery the gender ambiguity it seems to have now?
Yeah. It is #13 in the U.S for baby girls. I did not consider this at the time.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on October 21, 2013, 11:04:34 AM
When I decided on my name, Amelia Rose, I had chosen them from characters in the current incarnation of Doctor Who. However, they're my least two favorite companions but the names fit me well and I think they're very pretty. :)
Just trust your feeling and if you think it's a good fit, go with it. :)
I actually considered the name Rory for awhile after seeing it on Doctor Who...hah. I also didn't like Amy and Rory as companions, though I did like the Rose/Doctor interaction. Rory and Amelia Rose are both great names though. Thanks for the feedback.
If you want a name that is unique to you and only you, what you can do is choose a rare name and then do something really heinous so no one will ever want to be associated with you.
Worked for Adolf, works for mustaches too.
Quote from: spacerace on October 21, 2013, 10:32:50 AM
Elliott - I really like this name, but the female character on Scrubs was named Eliot and now I can't stop thinking about that when I look at the name. It is a male name right? And, I live right near Elliott Bay, which is a giant body of water and a bunch of stuff here has it in the name. Is that weird if I pick it given this?
The Scrubs character never occurred to me, to be honest. I immediately thought of the little boy from E.T.
It strikes me that the common problem you have with all the names is how other people associate with them. Not how you associate with them. Whether a name is used by a male, female, or both (heck, if you can think of it maybe even neither)... the one thing it has in common is that the person makes it their own.
That's what you have to do. Take ownership of it. It's
your name. Like the rifle in the movie
Full Metal Jacket: there are many names like it, but this one is
yours. That maybe the only way you're going to be happy with any name you choose.
As an aside, Avery also made me immediately think of Sisko, too, haha.
Quote from: spacerace on October 21, 2013, 11:11:00 AM
I actually considered the name Rory for awhile after seeing it on Doctor Who...hah. I also didn't like Amy and Rory as companions, though I did like the Rose/Doctor interaction. Rory and Amelia Rose are both great names though. Thanks for the feedback.
Well that's settled then, you'll be Rory. ;)
BTW, I liked Rory as a companion, just didn't care much for Amy.
Amy
Everyone who pointed out that rejecting a name because other people have it is correct - it is not a good reason at all. It was really reassuring to hear other people say this.
Being too unique also leads to problems.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 21, 2013, 11:28:20 AM
It strikes me that the common problem you have with all the names is how other people associate with them. Not how you associate with them. Whether a name is used by a male, female, or both (heck, if you can think of it maybe even neither)... the one thing it has in common is that the person makes it their own.
That's what you have to do. Take ownership of it. It's your name. Like the rifle in the movie Full Metal Jacket: there are many names like it, but this one is yours. That maybe the only way you're going to be happy with any name you choose.
This is good insight I really appreciate you posting. I do dwell on the perceptions and impressions of others far too much.
I will think awhile about it after this morning's considerations and helpful comments. I will give it some time though to avoid the first mistake again, and I will really consider the advice given about maybe just sucking it up and living with it.
When I first changed my name 3 years ago, I changed it to a really unusual name (call it F for the sake of this post), so unusual it could be considered gender neutral (part of the reason I could change it without telling people why. Long story!). I went with the name F for two years, but now also go with another name that is much more popular (will refer to it as S). When I was first changing my name, I discounted S as I knew a few people with that name. I wanted a name that I didn't know anyone else with, mainly to avoid awkwardness. I have kept F as my legal name and most people at work use that name. S is my nickname, although it is completely unrelated to my legal name! At one point I started to question the choice of the name F, so tried out S, liked it and so have introduced myself as that in informal situations (ie when meeting people etc). It is slightly closer to my birth name, and I think that helped my parents adjust to it better. I have considered changing my name to S, but that would involve a lot of hassle. I also think I should stick with F as I made the decision and should deal with the consequences (although that sounds more dramatic than it is!). I may make S one of my middle names (I already have one), mainly to avoid the questions as to why people call me a completely unrelated name. My brother goes by his middle name, so that is not so unusual.
KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid.
This is the rule I live by, and this is why I'm Jack! Lol.
If you're not liking your name now because it's a unisex name, don't pick Elliot, a unisex name. It'll be replacing one with another and not fixing anything. Also, having an odd or unique name makes you stand out and get attention. My female name stood out although it's become more popular as of late. I hated that people would always ask questions about my name. So if you're not one for drawing attention to yourself, and especially a name you changed, don't go too out there, again: KISS.
For me, I researched popular boys names in Scotland around the year of my birth. I wanted something that would be likely for my age and not something precious few people my age have. I also wanted something that wasn't too crazy in N. America (I live in Canada now). Some Scottish names aren't so well known in N. America and that would have only gained the attention I don't want. Jack is often used for leading, and very often heroic, characters in TV/film so I liked that aspect too. But for me, I especially liked that it is a name that cannot be mistaken. Jack is quite obviously male. Anyone on the fence doesn't hear a unisex/unique name and think, "Damn, that doesn't help me! Are they a guy or gal?". They hear Jack and BOOM: that's a guy! Plain and simple. This was important to me.
Everyone's different, and everyone has their reasons for choosing names. I didn't want to over-complicate it. I don't want to stand out or seem different when everything I'm doing is in effort to not be different and to blend in.
Before you even approach choosing a new name you have to figure out what you want out of your name and who you want to be as a person. Are you comfortable explaining your name all the time? Are you worried that by having a unisex name, people would struggle to tell which gender you are?
If the latter is indeed correct, then just don't go there again. I used to watch Scrubs a lot and honestly that's the person I thought of when you put up Elliot, before you even mentioned it. I do firstly see it as a male name but because she had it, if I was on the fence, I would maybe think, "Oh, but that girl was called Elliot so maybe not male!" Another thing I jumped to was Missy Elliot and only looked it up to see that it was actually her surname, but I didn't know that prior to checking wiki. If you're not liking having a unisex name right now, don't go for another one. I immediately thought of two females because I don't personally know any Elliots.