So, yesterday I came out to my wife who was very accepting and understanding btw (shocked as I was), and she presented to me that the only issues she would have with me going all the way would be:
1. Not being able to have kids the conventional way (meaning she wants to go through the "trying" stage rather than me having to make a "long term deposit" for later.)
2. Not being sexually attracted to me, as she is a straight women with no attraction to women. However, emotionally she would still love me.
3. Legal issues regarding child custody.
I do plan on having kids one day. But it never occurred to me that there were legal issues surrounding the raising or custody of children by transgender parents... I was wondering if anyone could offer some insight as to what these legal issues may be? Specifically in Florida (which is where I live), because according to my wife, she said that sole custody would be awarded to her and that my children would not take my last name, also that i would be considered mentally unfit to raise children... I really hope this isnt true but if it is, it sounds appalling and unfair... who are they to determine that I am "unfit" just because I was miserable as a man and wanted to be happy as a woman...
Anyway, im getting worked up, so I guess if anyone could offer some insight as to how much of what my wife said is true or if its worse than that, it would be much appreciated :)
I'm glad that she's accepting but my wife is the same way when it comes 2. From my experience, there's a difference between being emotionally there for your spouse as a wife and as a friend. While my wife and I are trying to keep our marriage together out of love, it feels much more like an ordinary friendship than a relationship between two people in love and that's mostly only since I started transitioning. I'm not saying things will/won't work out for you, just be careful about getting your hopes up. :(
As for legal issues, according to the ACLU page on Transgender Law (https://www.aclu.org/translaw):
QuoteDoes transitioning after having children affect parental rights?
Sometimes. Some parents who transition are able to maintain a close relationship with their children, including some who divorce but are able to work out an amicable custody arrangement with their ex-spouse. But other people who transition after having children may see their gender transition used against them by an ex-spouse in contested child custody proceedings. There is little custody case law concerning transgender parents and what exists is mixed. In some cases, transgender parents have fared well, with courts appropriately rejecting the asserted unsuitability of transgender parents and evaluating the standard best interest factors, e.g., the nature of the child's relationship with each parent and each parent's ability to provide for the child's physical, emotional and educational needs. In other cases, parents have been denied custody or reasonable visitation solely based on the court's conclusion that being in the care of a transgender parent would be harmful to the child. In some of these cases, the courts improperly based their decisions on speculation of harm, rather than evidence. In others, the transgender parent did not (perhaps for financial reasons) present testimony from expert witnesses such as psychologists, and the courts relied on the other side's experts' negative characterization of transgender parents. It is therefore important to have counsel refute the negative assertions that may be made about transgender parents.
I'd look into Florida's laws very carefully before deciding on what to do. It also may be better to bank your sperm now, despite how your wife feels, because you never know how things will continue and you don't want to drag kids through a divorce, if that's what happens. :-\
Amy
Thanks for the link/info Amy :) I've been doing some extensive research and from what i can tell, there is not necessarily any laws (or at least none that I can find) barring trans-parents from having children, Though I did talk to my wife about it last night and i expressed to her how I wouldn't want to put our kids through divorce if we happen to just grow apart, so we agreed that perhaps it would be a good idea for me to just bank my sperm just in case. She's taking it more as one of those "i wont know until it happens situations" in terms of our relationship and my transition. At least now I know that if we have kids i wont want to end on bad terms with her if she can use it against me :S
Quote from: LittleEmily24 on October 23, 2013, 09:29:41 AM
I've been doing some extensive research and from what i can tell, there is not necessarily any laws (or at least none that I can find) barring trans-parents from having children,
I'm pretty sure there are no laws anywhere in the US barring ANYONE from having children. What are they going to do, force an abortion (imagine how pro-life folks would take that) or arrest the pregnant lady and drag her off to jail?
Adoption and custody are different stories entirely, of course.