I am new here and just a little bit confused as to where I belong, let me explain. I am a 43yr old divorced truck driver who has just began to open the door to somehting that both excites me and totally terrifies me at the same time. I belive and have always belived that I was born the weong sex and that i should be female. That being said I have alot of factors that have held me back form doing anything about possibly being transsexual. The main one is my 14yr old son who is everything to me and I am afraid if i told him that I wanted to become a female, he would not be able to take that and I might lose him, which I am not sure I could handle. I am seeing a gender therapist and also being a part of these forums and chatting with others like me has helped alot. it seems since I have opened this door to being what I know that I am, I cant stop thinking about being female and that causes me alot of frustrations, but being able to talk to others like me has helped a great deal. I have never fit in as one of the guys, I just didn't share their attitudes about women, life etc. I alawys had more women friends, than male friends. I only had few girlfriends that I dated, I just had more that were just close friends that I could share with. I have been married three times and divorced three times and I now believe the reason for that was that I couldn't give all of myself to them,becuase I was never happy with who or what I was. I just thought being married would make me feel normal and I could be happy. It didn't work. I didn't have sex until I was 22yrs old and since then I can count the number of times on both hands, I never felt right, and I had a hard time performing. I could satisfy a woman in other ways, just not the normal way for a male. I have ignored this for so long, I always thought that i was just sick or preverted in some way. I have now started to relalize that i was unhappy all that time because I didn't feel right about my male body and never have. I am 6'3 210lbs and very very small down there. which makes me belive even more that i should have been born female. I have never allowed myself to even consider being female, because everytime I would even try guilt, fear, and shame would stop me. I have now just began to allow myself to do this and I feel some peace. I have removed most of my body hair, I am going to buy some female undergarments to wear under my male clothing, and I am going to go to a female transition salon. I have not fully dressed as female since halloween, because that was the only time it was safe to do so, when I was dressed I was so comfortable and at peace that I didn't want it to end. like I said above i am truck driver so it is very hard to keep anything femine on the truck, we are subject to inspections at anytime.
I know I posted the new and confused post, but I thought that I should really introduce myself here and share most of my story with you. I am truly thankful that Susan's exists, I love it here and I feel like I found a home. I know that through therapy, reading , research, and help from others like me that have already been down this road and those who are just starting like me I will be able to come to a decsion that is truly right for me.
Thank you
Alena
Hello Alena,
I'm glad you joined Susan's and have share your story. In some ways it is similar to mine.
I have a wife, 3 son's and 4 grandchildren that I love with all my heart.
My wife and son are not happy with my declaration that I was transgender that I made over a year ago.
:(
Kids are usually more accepting than adults.
They love you for who you are not how you dress.
Do read the site rules when you get a chance.
Welcome to Susan's,
Jillieann
Welcome to Susans!
Hi Alena, I'm glad you found Susan's. You are among friends here. I'm looking forward to hearing more about you in the forums.
Take care, girl-
-Barb
Hello Alena and welcome to Susan's!
Thanks so much for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay.
tink :icon_chick:
Alena,
So glad you found us. This place has helped preserve my sanity. I know it will help you too. If you think you are confused, join the crowd! Lots of us around. But somehow being together makes it better.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Kristi
Hi Alena,
I'm glad you found our community. It can definitely be a very scary thought to be finally exploring such a big part of yourself. I truly believe that you will find that there are many people just like you out there. It can be very daunting to start asking questions of yourself that you might not really think you want to know the answers to. Having a young son can be extremely scary...what will he think, will he accept me, etc. I think you'll find many people who are dealing and have dealt with that in their own lives. Read the forum posts, jump in chat and take in a lot of the information at Susan's. We're all here for each other to welcome! If you need anything, let me know :) Meghan
Hi Alena,
I guess all of us mtf reading your intro can identify with parts of your story. It's good to get it all written down and coming out with it, it's therapy in itself I think.
I came here just a few weeks ago and it's been a fantastic experience to learn from others and get lots of informed advice. There are alot of good people on here who will always try to help you.
We all know the issues you are having to face and are with you all the way.
Best wishes, Louise
Hi, Alena! Welcome to the forums!
You'll enjoy being your TRUE self here -- AND finding out what your true self really is!
Welcome :D
Karen