My husband is trans. I knew this going in. 5 years ago, he started hormones while I was pregnant (and newly off meds). I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that I could not live this type of life. We both agreed to terminate the pregnancy and file for divorce. As fate would have it, we got along so well, even overcoming loss. We became friends. I had full time employment and a nice condo in mind for my daughter (from a previous relationship) and me.
Then he said he did not like the hormones, this wasn't for him, and convinced us to stay. Must be a fetish. He was wrong. So we stayed together and he then became sick and hospitalized and on a ventilator for 2 months because of blood clots.
Now, we just had a baby girl, in addition to our toddler boy and my now tween. I haven't been feeling myself...lots of change and emotions. He pointed the postpartum finger down my throat, and I will see the doc on Monday. During these last 2 months I resigned from my job to stay at home with the kids and have been an emotional wreck. I found a letter from a female friend of his that I felt was too intimate for a married man. He is always on the phone with her. Even in our bed...for years. In my state, I told him if he wants to be with someone else, who am I to stop him?
Via email he tells me he is starting hormones again. And somehow this is my fault. Within the last 2 weeks, he has seen everyone he needs to see and has been taking hormones. Wow, that is quick service! All I see is someone taking advantage of a sick person. I am not sure how being trans is my fault.
Anyone going through or have went through something of the like?
I'm really sorry that this is all happening, especially when you're already going through an emotional time. I'm sorry I have no real advice, I just hate to see someone going unanswered in such a difficult time. I do hope that you have started to investigate what those initial feelings of "not being yourself" were. If you do have some postpartum things happening that is certainly going to make it all the more difficult on you and your children to cope with the situation. I wish I was more help to you. If you feel you need someone to talk to, if nothing else then to get your feelings out you can feel free to e-mail me and I'll answer as soon as I am able.
Thank you for responding.
I did see my doctor and I am glad that I did! She is going to help me get back on track. As far as my home situation...who knows? I told him that I am not ready to deal with his issue and for now, it needs to go on the back burner (for me). He can do as he pleases, just keep it away from my children at this point until I speak with professionals re: the matter. It's about all I can do at this point.
There is no fault when it comes to being trans. It exists, that is all.
Hi LordKat:
I do not believe I am responsible for his GID. Of course, I understand he was born with it. Just seemed like a low blow...but then again, there really isn't a "right" time for all this to go down in the midst of diapers, tantrums, and hormones. As the days go on, I am becoming more accepting, afraid, and confused. We shall see how it all turns out...
Accepting afraid and confused are normal and expected reactions. You may find that talking to a counselor or good friend on your own will be helpful when it come to coping both with the post partum depression and the news of your partner being trans.
Coming here more and just having a place to share all those feelings is often enough to get you through one more bad spot. Most of us have kids and have been through much of what you are or have a spouse who has been there.
Time heals so much when given the chance.
Here is some interesting info about hormones and why this may be happening right now:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,153447.msg1276593.html#msg1276593 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,153447.msg1276593.html#msg1276593)