Hello.
(this is harder than I thought and i only wrote one word)
I was born male but it never felt right. And I knew early on what I wanted but due to outside pressures, I was never able to act on it. I have been researching this for years and I tend to over-analyze everything to the point of paralysis (will i be hated by family... what about my job... did I wait too long...etc .etc).
But I am in my 40s now and I think I want to start taking my first steps (baby steps) to bring the person that is inside out.
Any questions, feel free to ask.
(shaking a little)
Hi Honey!
welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way :) Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
No need to be shy or nervous. We all take the first step before we take the second.
How about telling us a bit about yourself?
I'm Cindy, obviously! I'm in Australia.
Welcome!!
Hi
I understand exactly how you feel. Take a deep breath and repeat over.
It is so hard starting a journey, especially this one.
You have not turned into a pumpkin, yet and no one here bites, much, so welcome from down under.
Still with us?
I am also in my 40's and it is never too late to be you.
I was scared silly but things are moving and are so much better, better than I could ever believe.
Just remember, How do you eat an elephant?, one bite at a time. Small but productive steps and your first one is huge.
Well done.
Hugs
Jen
Hi, Hun! :D
I'm so happy for you that you were able to simply say hello, just that must have felt impossible. You did it, look how strong you are.
Welcome to the best place around. I was exactly where you are just a week ago. In 40 years I'd never told anyone how I was inside. I completely understand how you feel, I have all the same fears. Scary stuff. Yet, just sharing it here has been one of best things I've ever done. I'm so much happier now that I'm not alone. And now you're not alone, too. ;)
You've found a home, sister. You're welcome to be you, we encourage it. No judgements, I promise. We're your new family. The people here are simply amazing, a constant source of warm security. I can't say enough good things about them. They're pure gold. Don't be afraid to ask questions, explore ideas and get to know us. You're safe with us here. ::hugs::
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
-maggie
Thank you everyone.
I did feel a little bit better after I put up my first post.
It will be nice and a relief to be able to express myself and ask for advice.
I live on the east coast of the US and am divorced with kids (which i know adds a wrinkle to things).
I'm sure I'll have questions... I promise I won't be too much of a pest :)
Be a pest! Be a wonderful, glorious pest! (I know, I'm being one, I'm just happy for you.)
I'm so glad you're feeling better. ;D
-maggie
Hi AIL, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 8191 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Quote from: ambiguousinlife on October 28, 2013, 03:47:24 AM
Hello.
(this is harder than I thought and i only wrote one word)
I was born male but it never felt right. And I knew early on what I wanted but due to outside pressures, I was never able to act on it. I have been researching this for years and I tend to over-analyze everything to the point of paralysis (will i be hated by family... what about my job... did I wait too long...etc .etc).
But I am in my 40s now and I think I want to start taking my first steps (baby steps) to bring the person that is inside out.
Any questions, feel free to ask.
(shaking a little)
The first step is always the hardest hun, it's not such a long time since I did all my ordering online and hid my real self behind closed doors, now I wear my false boobs and dresses in public amongst other things, every new barrier I cross leaves me wondering what the fear was about beforehand *grins*
Say what you need, no-one will judge you here
xx
Welcome to Susan's!
Everyone here is great, they take everyone with open arms into the family. The first step is the hardest to take, and you know what? You can be really proud of yourself for taking that step. Here you will be able to find full support, everyone here are ether in the same steps that you are or a bit further along with becoming who they are.
Your new little brother -Dalex
thank you again... I'm really grateful.
(yes.. i might be repeating myself now and being a total spaz)
Hello and welcome - and congratulations on taking this step!
Though 'male' to most of the world, I too have 'never felt right' with this designation. And now, also in my forties, I find myself beginning to face my situation a bit more directly.
'What's going to happen?' 'Where will it lead?' 'How will X react?' These questions are all way too big for me right now. Even typing them here I find myself freezing up. As a result, I am all for the 'baby steps' you mention. A lot more 'manageable' though, in many ways, no less significant.
Coming here is a great example of such a step. I trust you will, in the coming days and weeks, realize how incredibly significant this can be, how much of an impact so simple an act can have on your life.
Best in your exploring,
Tanya
Hi, there! ;D
Don't worry about being a pest, or a spaz. I guarantee you won't be more of a pest or spaz than me, and everyone here tolerates my weirdness just fine! :icon_dance: :icon_rah:
But really, this is a wonderful family you've found, and now you're part of it! I applaud you for making that first step and posting. It took me days to work up the courage to make my first post, and I felt so much better when I did!
The whole process is so daunting, and I find my self scared out of my mind thinking about everything that I have to do and how it's going to change my life, but Jenny is right, just take it one small step at a time, and we'll all be here to support you though every single one! :)
*hugs you until you stop shaking* :icon_hug: Welcome to the family! :)
~Kai :eusa_whistle:
:embarrassed:
Quote from: ambiguousinlife on October 29, 2013, 03:30:08 AM
:embarrassed:
Why?
We love you as much as you will love us.
But please friends, don't use 'spaz'. When the day arrives when you have friends or clients who suffer from spasicity of any form you will know their suffering.
We don't need that here, we are bigger than that.
Thank you
Cindy
Sorry, Cindy. I will remember that in the future. I didn't mean any disrespect. :eusa_pray:
Quote from: ambiguousinlife on October 29, 2013, 03:30:08 AM
:embarrassed:
Why the long face, hun? No need to be scared or embarrassed. We all understand each others troubles here. And trust me, we all know how scary it can be at first. Don't be afraid to express yourself and say what's on your mind. :) You're among family now!
The embarrassed face was because I was about to say 'thank you' again.
Thank You
Sorry Cindy
No need to be embarrassed just because you want to say thank you :) Someone once told me that the magic words are "Please" and "Thank you". If you want to say thank you to someone, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that :)
Hi and welcome to Susan's! :icon_wave-nerd:
I'm sure you'll find excellent information and excellent friends to talk to here.
You haven't just joined a site, but you have joined a family.
I thank you all for the ready understanding.
Mmmm what does that mean?
Your understanding of other people or your understanding of you?
Accepting is an event that is very special. Often, in some strange way, we can find it easier to accept others than we can accept ourselves.
I can give $10 to a poor person, but I can't accept it from another person.
Why?
We are free in giving love and acceptance, but oh so unwilling to accept.
Why?
Is it sorrow for being us?
Is it a feeling we are not normal?
Does it remind us of our personal horror and that no one can understand?
Or are we so frightened of being rejected - yet again?
There is no rejection here. There is nothing here except you and I.
Many of us have been to more Hell than anyone can take.
But here we accept you. Whoever you are.
We accept because we know.
There is no reason to be embarrassed. There is no reason to be shy.
Cindy.
Cindy just said what I wanted to, and in a more eloquent and better way. I guess I'll just say that what she said goes double.
Thank you, Cindy. :D
In case anyone is interested, I restarted my blog. It is at http://ambiguousinlife.blogspot.com/
Just occurred to me that this can be considered another small step forward. yay me.
Welcome, HUGE hugs, and congratulations on coming out... first to yourself, and now, here!
I am starting my transition at 39, will be on HRT on January 20 (*hope, hope*) eleven days after turning 40. I'm glad I'm transitioning now; I know myself so much better and am so much more confident in who I am now than I was when I was younger. Sure I missed some years, but who knows? Even CIS gendered I may not have figured myself out until now. :)
Much love and a willing ear to you!
Thank you
Hi, the little steps get you where you're going, always celebrate them. Hugs, Devlyn
You will love it here, ENJOY! :laugh:
Welcome to Susan's! :)
*HUGS*
Amy