I've noticing that amongst the lot of reasons I'm using to block guys on dating sites, there is a big problem. Whenever I get asked "What I am looking for", I just don't know. Trying to remember how these things worked (never was very good ad this), I'm trying to sort stages like this:.
- Chat / Message online. If I see that he/she seems interesting and nice, propose or accept a quick 1st date with no compromise.
- 1st date? Visiting something, having dinner, maybe a drink later. If the outcome seems positive, go for a second?
- Second date, similar... Not sure. You let them hug, cuddle or kiss you at this point if they are playing it correctly? First / second base, as they would say?
- Third one... Who know, maybe sex here?
- Future? Not sure, if I just need to ditch them one I am bored. Do I have to say it politely "It's been fun, but I prefer to be friends", or just dissapear with no data.
The frankfurt issue:The second problem is my trans status. Although it can be read in my face and voice at this time, If they can't figure it is not my problem. Unless there is the possibility of sex or things can get serious, I don't think I need to break the news about what do I have between my legs, and as they usually say here. "Let them love you for what you have in your head,, not between your legs". Saying "I'm trans" in the profile is like putting a magnet for ->-bleeped-<-s and creeps.
Filtering:. I don't know, maybe I am too restrictive. These are the thing that make me block somebody online or not continue a conversation.
- No picture, blurry, not the subject, party animal, can't see him clearly. I like seeing a from waist to head picture at least. Also putting "pseudoerotic" photos on your profile it's a big no
- Ever mentioning dick
- Bad profile. Not enough dat or having verbal diarrhea trying act uber cool and sophisticated to the point of stupid
- Asking if I would have sex on the first date, specially in the first message
- An opening message as simple as "Hello, how are you". I like imagination, them reading my profiles and at least trying to use that information about themselves
- Not being fit. I know this is cruel, but I never ask people more than I ask myself, which is to care a bit about your persona. Putting a bit of effort and caring about yourself is something I value. Note: Not attracted to muscleheads
- Smoker. Seriously. I'm not kissing or getting close to somebody who smells like burnt petrol.
- Talking about sex or ending with "In your house or mine?" You tell me that, it's game over unless I'm crazy for you.
- Asking for personal data. I don't give my name, skype, mail address or phone. Also, I'm not telling them where do I live. The city is more than enough. They don't seem to understand about minimum privacy
- Have a job and a minimum level of education. I'm not asking for a college degree, but neither a damn analfabet. And having work is mandatory.
I used to have a "don't message me if" in the profile, but people should be smart enough to understand these basic filtering rules. Not giving them a way to bypass them, save for the dick photo. I don't want to see them.
In-date filtering. Here I also seem to be putting a good deal of filtering, things I won't let pass
- Low hygiene or grooming. same as I ask to my self, I won't date anybody that looks as if he had been working on a mcdonals
- Clothing: I have limits, But I like people to dress with a bit of style. Not coming half naked, or overly dressed.
- Getting too close: I'm your date, not your food. On the first date I would keep a decent distance. I'm not going to let myself get touched or holding hangs like two freaking lovebirds...
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Chat / Message online. If I see that he/she seems interesting and nice, propose or accept a quick 1st date with no compromise.
- 1st date? Visiting something, having dinner, maybe a drink later. If the outcome seems positive, go for a second?
- Second date, similar... Not sure. You let them hug, cuddle or kiss you at this point if they are playing it correctly? First / second base, as they would say?
- Third one... Who know, maybe sex here?
- Future? Not sure, if I just need to ditch them one I am bored. Do I have to say it politely "It's been fun, but I prefer to be friends", or just dissapear with no data.
Honestly, with men, that's all ideal. Most men (especially on dating sites) are looking to get laid. You can ask any cis girl this and they will back it up. They have just as much issue finding a man that isn't out for just sex as I do. I'd advise you to just follow what your heart says and remember that there are always women out there that will give it up faster than the third date.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
"I'm trans" in the profile is like putting a magnet for ->-bleeped-<-s and creeps.
No it's not. I literally put "BTW, I AM A PRE-OP TRANSSEXUAL!If you have a problem with it I don't want to hear it. Also if you are a pervert looking to fulfill a fetish, I'm not the one. Treat me with respect, like any other female."
at the top of my profile and I've gotten very few creeps. I've gotten maybe one or two creepy ->-bleeped-<- like guys. I have ignored a LOT of men because they were unattractive or they lived out of my range, but I've been out on plenty of dates.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
Filtering:. I don't know, maybe I am too restrictive. These are the thing that make me block somebody online or not continue a conversation.
- No picture, blurry, not the subject, party animal, can't see him clearly. I like seeing a from waist to head picture at least. Also putting "pseudoerotic" photos on your profile it's a big no
I do the same.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Ever mentioning dick
Probably for the best
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Bad profile. Not enough dat or having verbal diarrhea trying act uber cool and sophisticated to the point of stupid
- Asking if I would have sex on the first date, specially in the first message
That's a no brainer
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- An opening message as simple as "Hello, how are you". I like imagination, them reading my profiles and at least trying to use that information about themselves
I do the same, unless the guy is hot. Then I don't care.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Not being fit. I know this is cruel, but I never ask people more than I ask myself, which is to care a bit about your persona. Putting a bit of effort and caring about yourself is something I value. Note: Not attracted to muscleheads
- Smoker. Seriously. I'm not kissing or getting close to somebody who smells like burnt petrol.
A durr :)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Talking about sex or ending with "In your house or mine?" You tell me that, it's game over unless I'm crazy for you.
If they do that I simply tell them I'm not cheap. They usually play the game a bit better after that. Human beings test the waters to see what they can get. It's just human nature.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Asking for personal data. I don't give my name, skype, mail address or phone. Also, I'm not telling them where do I live. The city is more than enough. They don't seem to understand about minimum privacy
That depends on how quickly they ask for that stuff. I don't mind giving my number out as long as it's not like the first few lines of dialog in. I wont give my mail address until I physically meet them though.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Have a job and a minimum level of education. I'm not asking for a college degree, but neither a damn analfabet. And having work is mandatory.
For me, as long as the guy is civilized that's fine by me. Maybe the guy is between jobs, and that's fine. I usually ask what he used to do or something like that. I'm not particularly so picky on that one.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
I used to have a "don't message me if" in the profile, but people should be smart enough to understand these basic filtering rules. Not giving them a way to bypass them, save for the dick photo. I don't want to see them.
Good idea getting rid of the don't message me if thing. If someonelooks at your profile and sees a constitution on your page, he's probably gonna go elsewhere lol.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
In-date filtering. Here I also seem to be putting a good deal of filtering, things I won't let pass
- Low hygiene or grooming. same as I ask to my self, I won't date anybody that looks as if he had been working on a mcdonals
- Clothing: I have limits, But I like people to dress with a bit of style. Not coming half naked, or overly dressed.
These are reasonable.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 05:33:44 AM
- Getting too close: I'm your date, not your food. On the first date I would keep a decent distance. I'm not going to let myself get touched or holding hangs like two freaking lovebirds...
Personally I don't mind a guy holding my hand or putting an arm around me on the first date. To me it means he likes me and he is not afraid to show it. I think you should follow the moment on this one instead of having a hard coded limitation.
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 03, 2013, 07:15:57 AM
No it's not. I literally put "BTW, I AM A PRE-OP TRANSSEXUAL!If you have a problem with it I don't want to hear it. Also if you are a pervert looking to fulfill a fetish, I'm not the one. Treat me with respect, like any other female."
Can I copy paste this into my self summary?
uh huh :)
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 03, 2013, 07:26:26 AM
Can I copy paste this and put in my self summary?
I was going to ask for the same thing :) This stuff was just sooo hilarious :)
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on November 03, 2013, 07:15:57 AM
I do the same, unless the guy is hot. Then I don't care.
Me too, although the last one I tried replied with "Are you a ->-bleeped-<-?". Beauty without brain is another no-brainer (no pun intended). Not to mention that half of the hot looking wind up being stolen photos with a simple google image search.
Sadly, hot guys always seem to be gay. And the average "Latin lover" nowadays looks more like this:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.frikipedia.es%2Fimages%2F5%2F5e%2FCani_bizco.jpg&hash=4f8ae9d3683d0ae77b89f864ff32914eb85ed3e4)
I need to move to another country...
First rule of dating, know WHY you are dating.
Just company? then make that very much known, make it a point to say there won't be sex. It weeds out the want sex portion.
Looking for a person to stand with at a wedding?, make it known you are looking for a potential spouse to be. It will make it known why you plan to not do anything like sex for several dates while you decide if the person is worth dating at all.
Offer as much in the way of details as you can, and if you come up empty, get off the internet it's clear you will be doing it in person or not.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on November 03, 2013, 07:37:30 PM
First rule of dating, know WHY you are dating.
Just company? then make that very much known, make it a point to say there won't be sex. It weeds out the want sex portion.
Looking for short term dating, possibility of sex if things are ok and it is worth it (as Alaina said, not being easy / cheap). Friendships can't be found there.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 04, 2013, 05:08:13 AM
Looking for short term dating, possibility of sex if things are ok and it is worth it (as Alaina said, not being easy / cheap). Friendships can't be found there.
Just my experience, maybe it's a location thing, but I've had some pretty good success at finding friends on OKCupid.
Quote from: <3 on November 04, 2013, 02:34:17 PM
Just my experience, maybe it's a location thing, but I've had some pretty good success at finding friends on OKCupid.
Nah, it's completely empty, no matter how you loo at it.
Well, another "smart" guy. after four or five messages, I say:
"Do you have any hobbies?""Are You Transexual?""Have you even read my profile?????"Block. Another filter: Can't read the fine print.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 04, 2013, 05:39:04 PM
Nah, it's completely empty, no matter how you loo at it.
I'm confused....I was saying that I have had success with finding friends....
Yeah, and I am telling you that in my area, OKC it's practically a ghost town. It's always the same few results., or just nothing.
If there is one thing that is clear at this point, it is that unless the website has been translated to spanish, people won't go there.
I'm trying POF now, but whenever I start a conversation, it never lasts long. I don't seem to cause any interest in people...
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 04, 2013, 06:57:36 PM
Yeah, and I am telling you that in my area, OKC it's practically a ghost town. It's always the same few results., or just nothing.
If there is one thing that is clear at this point, it is that unless the website has been translated to spanish, people won't go there.
I'm trying POF now, but whenever I start a conversation, it never lasts long. I don't seem to cause any interest in people...
That's why I said maybe its a location thing.....and your response was "Nah..." sorry for the confusion.
Quote from: Apple Sprout on November 04, 2013, 06:57:36 PM
I'm trying POF now, but whenever I start a conversation, it never lasts long. I don't seem to cause any interest in people...
I have that issue w/ OKC. Guys turn out to be boring. They're on a dating site though, so they can't find women anywhere around them that will date them. There must be a reason for that...
I have never really thought men think with their dink...probably cause when I was one its not something I did! I have recently found out though, that a man I was getting to know fairly well, and thought was really sweet and nice...ended up being really nice and sweet for purposes of fulfilling the desires of his penis!!
I had felt very badly not telling him my trans status and felt we should not see each other anymore rather than tell him the truth, I was really heart broken over this, until he mentioned some other stuff that made me realize I am very happy I never told him!!
I spent the 90s on ICQ railing against the stupidity of men on the internet.
Always thinking I was a woman because of my name.
It is funny I can look back on those years and see the irony.
And the men were still the same stupid men they were of course, and I suppose I was unable to be an adequate example of a rare male that didn't think with his dick, because in the end, I was never one of them in the first place I suppose.
There have to be nice guys out there. Maybe the nice guys simply prefer to meet offline primarily and meeting nice ones online should not be considered the norm.
At least in person, you don't need to wonder if the charm is all a cover for the lack of awesome looks. Most men will be horribly average looking, and in person they can't escape dealing with that. But online, perhaps they fall into the trap of believing in their on bull->-bleeped-<-.