I have found more and more I hate being called a man, being put into the men group and I am more vocal about sir lately. There is like 2 girls, 2 really good friends who could call me a man and I wouldn't be offended but anyone else, it bothers me. I do fine with guy, dude, boy or saying "aw man" but I not being called a man. Is this common or suggest of gender issues in me? I know I have many girl thoughts, traits and such. When my dad used to say I laugh like a girl infact I've told that where I work before to, my dad said i was acting like a woman once, I never got offended.
Quote from: Larisa1983 on November 05, 2013, 07:44:35 AM
I have found more and more I hate being called a man, being put into the men group and I am more vocal about sir lately.
What do you think it is about these things that you don't like?
It's that it grates on the nerves as it is so much a pain because being TG is often about being seemingly invisible.
No I am not a man in women's clothing, no I am not cross dressing, no I am not gay. And all the rest of that sort of grief.
Every time we get called by the wrong gender, it just reminds us of the seeming futility a lot of us feel.
Misgendering is an issue for many trans* people, and tends to really grate on some folks' nerves. I have issues with ma'am, miss, she, her, etc. and at this point have started hissing not-so-quietly under my breath the more appropriate sir, he, him, etc. - my discomfort stems from being placed in the wrong category of people, and finding out why you dislike when people call you a man and similar terms could spread some light on who and what you are.
If your asking if this could mean you're trans*, then that's really something you have to decide for yourself. Nobody else can tell you what you are, though it's a very good step to seek input the way you're doing now. Take time to think about it, and if you suspect you're a woman, or another gender entirely, then reading through posts can do a lot to help you find connections between your own experiences and others'. There's a "Questions You Asked Yourself to Find Out" thread somewhere I'll have to dig up and place here. Many of the exercises are very useful, so those could also give you place to start from.
Edit: Found it. There's three pages worth of material, so there should be plenty to work with.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150955.0.html
I echo the other posts, but would like to add that it would probably be a good idea to talk to a gender therapist (a psychotherapist who deals with gender issues as a specialty) to explore the issue if you feel like it's important.
You may very well be trans, or you could by a mysandrist (someone who dislikes/hates men). Either way, it seems to be in the early stages. Or your mind could be latching on to something for a while and will let it go. No matter what, it can be a *really* good idea to talk to someone who can help you understand yourself better. A good therapist will do that... that's their job. If you find yourself with a therapist who claims to know all the answers after your first session, you should probably look for a different one.
*hug*
I wish you love, luck, and peace in your journey, where ever it takes you! :)
I'm still presenting as male at work, so get called sir, mister, mate, etc on a fairly frequent basis. The other day some guy referred to me as "that gentleman" and I laughed and said "believe me, I'm no gentleman!" Anyway, as full time is pending I'm just biding my time, but I understand exactly how frustrating it can be to be lumped in with the men (I have to admit to having a phobia around it). In the meantime every time someone calls me "he" I hear "she", when I get called my male name I hear "Grace"... it helps keep me happy. :)
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on November 05, 2013, 08:02:46 AM
It's that it grates on the nerves as it is so much a pain because being TG is often about being seemingly invisible.
I too flinch at being called a 'man'. Among other things, it relates to the sense of seeming invisibility quoted above. 'I'm not a man.' 'Oh, so you're a woman?' Can't we have more than two %^&% choices!?! As you can see, the whole situation kind of cascades for me. Wonder what it would feel like / what would happen if I replied, 'No, I'm trans.'
Quote from: Night Haven on November 05, 2013, 10:11:05 AM
Misgendering is an issue for many trans* people, and tends to really grate on some folks' nerves. I have issues with ma'am, miss, she, her, etc. and at this point have started hissing not-so-quietly under my breath the more appropriate sir, he, him, etc. - my discomfort stems from being placed in the wrong category of people, and finding out why you dislike when people call you a man and similar terms could spread some light on who and what you are.
If your asking if this could mean you're trans*, then that's really something you have to decide for yourself. Nobody else can tell you what you are, though it's a very good step to seek input the way you're doing now. Take time to think about it, and if you suspect you're a woman, or another gender entirely, then reading through posts can do a lot to help you find connections between your own experiences and others'. There's a "Questions You Asked Yourself to Find Out" thread somewhere I'll have to dig up and place here. Many of the exercises are very useful, so those could also give you place to start from.
Edit: Found it. There's three pages worth of material, so there should be plenty to work with.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150955.0.html
Thanks for the thread of questions. I have asked myself some of those before. I've always been trying to figure out if I'm a girl or a boy a boy and girl. I for one would a pretty tomboy girl, I'd never want to wear a dress even though I'd dress in a dress when I was 11 all the time. I've dressed up as a girl before. I've always been curious about me having breasts and I know how to dress up, makeup and hair. I even was gonna do this for Halloween at work where some put on a costume. I told a few it would take me awhile to dress up as a girl and they didn't laugh. I have been known to behave as a guy and girl. I don't know if I could live fully as a girl. I do love dressing up. It's always been confusing for me. I wonder if I'm a hybrid of both genders sometimes. I've always preferred hanging with girl rather than boys.
Larisa, I am an androgyne, so I approach the issue from a slightly different direction.
Those here who have seen me would in no way confuse me for a female. Time and testosterone have pretty much beaten the physical femininity out of me. ;)
But, I really do have this girl inside here. Therefore, I have to let my girl inside lead my interactions with others. That can cause some cognitive dissonance in those who meet me. I realize this, and don't let myself become troubled by what are understandable mistakes. Though I tend to cringe at the mention of "sir" or "mister," I know the speaker means no harm.
I hate HATE being called sir. >:( I think the HRT is working though, because even though I'm not yet full time, I still confuse people when I look a certain way out in public.
I do get the occasional "How can I help you, srmm..." them >>> ???
People still don't know what to address me as on the phone most of the time. ;D
People are trying to be polite by calling you sir. It's important to not forget that. I take it like I'm a big shot like Captain Janeway or other female officers from Star Trek, they were called sir occasionally...
I found that much of my disdain for men was internalized. After transition, and generally not being misgendered, I have a far higher tolerance for men in general than I had for the previous decade.
I've always hated being called gender-specific names like man or bro. I
really hate bro! For a long time I didn't even realize why it bothered me so much.
Worse though, people would talk to me like I was some kinda tough guy, so I would get cornered into the most aggravating, offensive conversations. :-\
Quote from: Ms Grace on November 05, 2013, 12:06:12 PM
The other day some guy referred to me as "that gentleman" and I laughed and said "believe me, I'm no gentleman!"
I see what you did there. Clever girl! ;)
Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on November 17, 2013, 09:26:23 PM
I found that much of my disdain for men was internalized. After transition, and generally not being misgendered, I have a far higher tolerance for men in general than I had for the previous decade.
Classic transference. Finding fault in others for the things you hate about yourself. I admit I've been guilty of that too.
Yes, don't like it, don't get it very often anymore. Best advice to not get called by male terms: change appearance. You can do it!
I cringe at the mere thought of being called a man. Especially being called a man. Being called a boy or male doesn't even bother me half as much as being called a man. It's probably because I associate the word "man" with thoughts of a strong sense of masculinity, whereas male or boy are just ways to refer to a gender. Even the most girly little boy could still be referred to as a boy or male, but to be a man implies you are a mature adult male with all the things that come with it. Being called a man implies that someone is associating me with an image that I don't want to have anything to do with. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. :-X
In one sense it does bother me, but I also know that a lot of it has to to do with various people (particularly people of a particular religious sect) outing me all over town
So in one way the pointed referencing kinda pisses me off and messes up my day, but also knowing why people make a point of it just makes me think they are immature, judge-mental case jerks and so I don't really care what they think
Besides, most of the people that behave that way are people that I have no interest in and wouldn't waste my time on anyway
It would be very easy for me to pick out something about them to pointedly reference, but why should I stoop to their level?
Quote from: VeronicaLynn on November 17, 2013, 07:17:32 PM
People are trying to be polite by calling you sir. It's important to not forget that. I take it like I'm a big shot like Captain Janeway or other female officers from Star Trek, they were called sir occasionally...
Most people do look at it from a polite perspective but like me, it's offensive. Do I get mad if im called such? No and for I realize they mean no harm. I just don't like the whole putting me up on pedestal thing with sir and read what others here that they say on the sir/man thing. They get it perfectly but unless you have a girl/guy brain or girl brain boy body, most won't understand fully. Btw, love Star Trek!! :)
Quote from: Miyuki on November 18, 2013, 03:29:06 AM
I cringe at the mere thought of being called a man. Especially being called a man. Being called a boy or male doesn't even bother me half as much as being called a man. It's probably because I associate the word "man" with thoughts of a strong sense of masculinity, whereas male or boy are just ways to refer to a gender. Even the most girly little boy could still be referred to as a boy or male, but to be a man implies you are a mature adult male with all the things that come with it. Being called a man implies that someone is associating me with an image that I don't want to have anything to do with. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. :-X
Ditto! This is just how I perceive "man" when applied to me.
Personally I don't let it bother me, I've heard waitresses and hostesses refer to a group of women as "guys" just as a generalized greeting and it doesn't get them upset. I present as androgynous for the most part and have taken a perverse joy out of watching male and female store clerks arguing over whether or not I am male or female, it's my sense of humor I guess but life is too good to let something so insignificant ruin my day.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimageshack.us%2Fscaled%2Fmodthumb%2F856%2Fy0us.jpg&hash=b20df7062a1856c364002a437877fbeb199378a3) (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/856/y0us.jpg/)
Quote from: Larisa1983 on November 18, 2013, 07:35:26 AM
Most people do look at it from a polite perspective but like me, it's offensive. Do I get mad if im called such? No and for I realize they mean no harm. I just don't like the whole putting me up on pedestal thing with sir and read what others here that they say on the sir/man thing. They get it perfectly but unless you have a girl/guy brain or girl brain boy body, most won't understand fully. Btw, love Star Trek!! :)
Unfortunately, we do not really have a gender neutral term to replace sir/ma'am. Funny though that if one is royalty, your highness, or your majesty would be used instead, which is gender neutral. Simplest solution, all people should be called your highness instead of sir/ma'am...
I literally feel your pain. Mine is not helped by the fact that I'm not completely 'out' :/
If I were, I think I'd be misgendered less