Man, I would never have thought of myself as afraid of needles until now.
I did the first several shots with no problem (ok, a little problem) but this last one (today) it took me almost 3.5 hours to work up to it.
I'm positive it's mental, I mean it hurts but it's not crazy painful, I just can't bring myself to do it.
Any tips? I tried doing it on the exhale which is ultimately how I did it but I just can't bring my hand down. Any mantras or advice that works for you? That long needle is just freaky :(
Oh Gawd! <passes out on floor>
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 13, 2013, 01:16:54 PM
Oh Gawd! <passes out on floor>
Haha maybe I'll try passing out on the floor and asking someone else to do it... Good idea ;)
I was afraid Dev was moderating today. :) I do compounded cream, but it's more expensive. Some people have someone else inject for them.
--Jay
Nope, still retired! Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2013, 10:23:07 AM
Nope, still retired! Hugs, Devlyn
So let me get this straight. You INTENTIONALLY go into the T section where you know the dudes are going to be talkign about *injecting* T. Not sure if there is a cure for this.
Lexicon, there is no shame in getting someone else to do it. I know there are guys who feel they aren't really dudes if they do this. But they are so dead wrong. If cisguys had to do this (and you notice the popularity of androgel and so on), we'd have a national health crisis of needle phobia. Think of the office that you go to for the T(might be a nurse or something); other trans guys; your extended family; etc.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on November 14, 2013, 01:06:52 PM
So let me get this straight. You INTENTIONALLY go into the T section where you know the dudes are going to be talkign about *injecting* T. Not sure if there is a cure for this.
Lexicon, there is no shame in getting someone else to do it. I know there are guys who feel they aren't really dudes if they do this. But they are so dead wrong. If cisguys had to do this (and you notice the popularity of androgel and so on), we'd have a national health crisis of needle phobia. Think of the office that you go to for the T(might be a nurse or something); other trans guys; your extended family; etc.
--Jay
That's a great point. I don't have a "less than a man" complex about it, it's more of a self reliance issue. I don't want to be in a situation where I am traveling (which I do a lot for work) or no one is around that feels comfortable doing it. I did the first 5 without too much issue so I know I'm getting a bigger mental block for some reason. I'm glad to hear that it is as common as I thought it was.
If there was any twinge of "Not man enough" it was just thinking to myself that people get shots every day with no big whining or how many folks are waiting for HRT and here I am with it in my hand and can't take the next step! Ultimately, I got it done and I've got 6 days before I have to deal with it again.
Thanks for the response and for the perspective!
Lexicon I have been on T for 14 months and have been injecting myself all that time. I gotta tell you i have been deathly affraid of needles since I was a kid. For me, there is no getting over the anticipation of the needle going into my body. I would rather give myself the shot only because I can control how fast or slow things go.
I found that my skin has changed a lot. Its thicker than when I first started out so its harder to jab myself and it takes longer for me to give myself a shot. Last night it took me 30 minutes to stick myself. I usually grab a chunk of my thigh and squeeze then stick myself, it seems to help a bit. Once the needle goes in its a lot easier from there, its just the initial stick.
My hands still sweat and I till shake, but I know that it will be over as soon as the needle goes in. I hope you find a way to make it easier, it sure is worth the anticipation, fear and sweaty hands!
Good luck
Ok this will probably sound insane, but I will tell you how I got over my original needle phobia. I used to be so phobic I would pass out while just receiving an injection. I would be freaking out for hours leading up to an injection. I would get woozy seeing someone else get an injection.
So when I was a missionary in South Korea in 86 to 88, I had a problem when I had to get huge, painful shots of gamma gobulin every 3 months.
I knew I had three months until the next one, and decided to rewire my brain before then.
So I worked on convincing my subconscious that needles were my best friend.
I did imaging exercises, desensitizing myself by richly imagining wonderful mind-blowingly comfortable and fun times with needles, working up to getting dozens of fabulous, pleasant injections.
I changed my self talk, and said several times a day, "I love needles, and I always enjoy getting shots". I worked my way up to elaborations: "I love the anticipation, knowing that soon my amazing needle will be sliding into my welcoming muscles, to linger langorously while it delivers its healing, protective elixir right to where I need it most.
"I can't wait to feel again the cold kiss of steel, the welcome little pinch then that wonderful feeling when it slides in effortlessly like I am made of butter.
"I can't wait to massage my glute once the sweet needle leaves me and I rub the marvelous medicine to help it spread all through me, transforming me, making me strong.
"I love all needles, but I especially love my next needle. Come kiss me needle. I will tell you when and where! You serve me, and my aching need for your tubular steel ."
And I used to sing needle love songs. Picture this sung to Phil Collins' Jesus He Loves Me.
"My needle she loves me,
She makes me strong,
Been waiting for Needle,
All week long!
Can't wait to inject you
In my thigh
I will never reject you Needle!
I'm your guy!"
Sounds crazy I know, butcthe stronger the emotional associations and the more often we reinforce them, the more they overwrite and override the associations that were there before, so the new association becomes automatic.
Quote from: Lexicon on November 13, 2013, 01:13:46 PM
Man, I would never have thought of myself as afraid of needles until now.
I did the first several shots with no problem (ok, a little problem) but this last one (today) it took me almost 3.5 hours to work up to it.
I'm positive it's mental, I mean it hurts but it's not crazy painful, I just can't bring myself to do it.
Any tips? I tried doing it on the exhale which is ultimately how I did it but I just can't bring my hand down. Any mantras or advice that works for you? That long needle is just freaky :(
Your braver than I am. I have my gf give me my shots and I still like "wait, hold on, give me 5 more seconds" and it goes on like this until I get into a good meditative "out of body state" that way I don't feel it. I like to think that if it came down to it that I could do it myself and eventually after a few hours of preparation maybe I could. Not that from my experience I have much advice to give but maybe try meditation for a few minutes before you do your shot, clearing your mind might help
Quote from: Lexicon on November 15, 2013, 10:23:17 AM
That's a great point. I don't have a "less than a man" complex about it, it's more of a self reliance issue. I don't want to be in a situation where I am traveling (which I do a lot for work) or no one is around that feels comfortable doing it. I did the first 5 without too much issue so I know I'm getting a bigger mental block for some reason. I'm glad to hear that it is as common as I thought it was.
If there was any twinge of "Not man enough" it was just thinking to myself that people get shots every day with no big whining or how many folks are waiting for HRT and here I am with it in my hand and can't take the next step! Ultimately, I got it done and I've got 6 days before I have to deal with it again.
Thanks for the response and for the perspective!
Well it's a point, re: traveling or something. But I don't know how many situations you would necessary be in-- it's one of those, if you were the only guy on an island somewhere. But ok. So it's good to know how.
BTW, IM injections are NOT so common. There are very few common injections that people need to give themselves that are IM. For instance, I believe that insulin is subdermal (and insulin, I think is quite an easier injection). Even then I would be willing to be that on a diabetes support group there would be people who have trouble giving themselves the insulin (and there are a HUGE number of automatic injectors on the market which hide the needle and other stuff). Fear of needles is a real thing. The guy who runs the trans center here talks about people have raised cortisol levels and other bad stuff from this.
Also the people who are waiting to go on it, well they aren't giving themselves injections yet and will also be, in some cases needle phobic.
--Jay
I still have to prepare myself to do it in the leg when nobody can help out in the glute. Although my mom just gave me my first all by herself the other day, so that's not going to be as big of a problem.
I still want to work out the better gear to do it with (the universally best injection 25G needles) and learn to become self-reliant. It's not a pleasure for my mom to stab me with those larger than strictly necessary 21G harpoons lol (although I understand the guage is more about the possibility of the muscle tensing and snapping the needle... that's not a likelihood for me so I really don't need 21G or even 23G. Everyone loves 25G for injecting if not so much for drawing up). The first one I had she couldn't even be in the same room. So we've come a long way in this together, really.
I'll admit to being scared the last time when she did it alone the first time though. I was worried (needlessly) that she'd hit something. But she didn't and it was actually one of the nicest ones I'd had. It's really only the initial prick that hurts in that area. My muscles are senseless (riding on a ¾" 'thick' plywood "jump seat" on a UPS truck for three Peaks will do that to anyone's ass. I couldn't feel my ass AT-ALL for a good two years actually. Sensation had only just recently returned to the skin a little bit before my T-time lmfao).
Anyway. You just have to bite your tongue and drive it in. There's no special or secret trick to it. Pretend you'll drop dead without it. Cultivate a callous, macho persona (brownie points for the angry music alongside) and just do it in that split second before you can stop yourself. I don't know how I do it or I'd tell you exactly. I just do it, really. I think the tongue biting helps though, its just enough distraction for me.
Personally, the "automatically injecting" stuff freaks the hell out of me. I'm honestly more scared of a lancet (I'd had to do that a while back) than I am of my significantly larger T needles (truthfully, lancets hurt A LOT more than T injections... they sting like nobody's business. I don't know how or why, but they do). And also those "automatically retracting" syringes they're pushing on people now. I hate... no... I LOATHE that. I don't like it unless I have FULL control or else NO control. I'm weird that way. There's no middle-ground for me with injections, it is one or the other. I either have implicit control or none, never in-between.
I think it's a moot point re: the auto injectors. I don't think they work for IM. I'm not even sure they'd work for subQ, given how thick T is. But yes they have a bit of scariness to them.
BTW, some people do better with the subQ, and some don't. I think it's an individual thing.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on November 15, 2013, 04:16:04 PM
I think it's a moot point re: the auto injectors. I don't think they work for IM. I'm not even sure they'd work for subQ, given how thick T is. But yes they have a bit of scariness to them.
BTW, some people do better with the subQ, and some don't. I think it's an individual thing.
--Jay
Nope, they wouldn't unless they were programmed to also aspirate, detect the blood themselves and if so, to not inject. I don't foresee that happening either or if they do, they'll be so ridiculously expensive it will defeat the point to all but the financially very well-off. And even if that included me, I still wouldn't go there lol.
And you know, I wouldn't recommend using those "automatically retracting" needle syringes either because I don't expect it too feel very nice when you forget to not trigger that while it is still buried in your flesh. Just hell no, not for me (and you also can't get to the leftovers in the barrel; important to me because I put that on my patchier areas of beard; works for me).
I could do subQ all day long. The hangup is finding a doctor that knows the protocols for it with T. Not very many do. I've asked and mine is barely proficient with the regular old T methods (I respect his honesty). Although next month I should be able to get an Endo again so maybe then I can try subQ. But, I'm not holding my breath on that. TRT the regular way is still akin a specialty to most GP's.
There is so much great stuff in here!
I love the inner dialogue about needles and changing the mind chatter about them, that will really work for me. I really appreciate all the feedback. I know there are no secrets but I also know that there are lots of folks who find a way to overcome the fear. Visualization and meditation seem to be the best bet for me.
I have a doc who is very well versed in subq methods and I may talk to her when I see her in a couple of months but for now, while I'm still holding on to this particular prescription and paraphernalia I want to be as self sufficient with the process as possible.
I was thinking today that if there is any ways in which I feel that twinge of "I have to do this myself because I'm a man" or however the silly voice goes, I think it's that I want to be able to be private about the process so that I can experience it on my own and just let my family (my partner and 3 kids) experience the me as the man that I am without having to participate in the making of the man. Does that make sense?
I'm not saying its a good plan, but if I'm being honest I think that is part of it. Something else for me to work on in my therapy sessions ;)
Thanks for all the wonderful feedback and support!
Lex
Just thought I'd update this, for those who might be going through the same thing.
I was shown by the clinic to pull the skin and then to inject quickly. I talked to the doc and she had thought I had been shown to "bunch" the skin and then do it a bit slower but still quickly. Neither of these were working for me.
After my last freak out I decided to do it really slow the next time. This worked out so much better. The next time, I iced before I did it, couldn't find anything to say I shouldn't and that worked even better.
So now I'm icing briefly and then going slow, it's quick and easy, no drama and no pain. Perfect!
:)
That's funny, I cannot inject slowly. I have to just dart it in with a good hard stab. Glad you found a way to cope.
Quote from: Arch on December 27, 2013, 06:46:48 PM
That's funny, I cannot inject slowly. I have to just dart it in with a good hard stab. Glad you found a way to cope.
It's funny how we have our different methods. I'm a slow n' steady guy. I lightly bounce the needle on my leg till it breaks the skin and then slowly push it in, slowly aspirate, slowly push the plunger, then slowly pull out, lol. It'd probably drive you crazy watching me inject. Whole thing takes about 3 minutes, but there is barely any pain. I am afraid to jab the needle in...just something about that makes me think it would smart.
Simon, I've tried inserting the needle slowly, and it hurt like hell every time. About 90% of the time when I jam it in, I barely feel it or just feel a little pinprick. A couple of times a year, the planets line up and I feel nothing. A few times a year, it hurts. Maybe once a year it REALLY hurts and I have to start over.
I wonder why my experience is so different to yours.
When I started doing mine I did it fast, but after a few times I just couldn't make myself do it. I had been standing there for a long time and I was frustrated, so I tried doing the bounce method and surprised myself. Turns out it's much easier for me to do it that way than to try to force my hand to jab it in quick. I inject slowly too. I guess different methods just work better for different people.
i guess it everyone different, i used to afraid of needles. i tried to take a deep breathe then started injected it in my thigh. it was hurt little bit. i just getting to used it for while without my girlfriend's help.
Quote from: Farm Boy on December 29, 2013, 06:34:02 AM
When I started doing mine I did it fast, but after a few times I just couldn't make myself do it. I had been standing there for a long time and I was frustrated, so I tried doing the bounce method and surprised myself. Turns out it's much easier for me to do it that way than to try to force my hand to jab it in quick. I inject slowly too. I guess different methods just work better for different people.
This is exactly what happened for me. I did it fast and then after the first 3 or 4 weeks I just couldn't bring it down on my own leg.
I've never tried the "bounce method" but doing it slowly definitely works better for me.
I agree that going quick was better for just the pinprick sensation but the anxiety of jabbing it in makes it SO much harder than just going slow and taking my time...
What's the "bounce method"?
IMO, the most painful part is the needle pushing through the skin, then sliding through and entering the muscle. Stick it in like a dart and it's all over with at once. By the time it hurts, it's over. The rest is nothing. It's also nice that it's not wobbling on the way in (which happens when you're slow from my experience); that hurts too and I'm sure contributes to scar tissue.
Quote from: DCQ on December 29, 2013, 10:05:01 PM
What's the "bounce method"?
I came across a video on YT about a year ago that I shared multiple times that basically 'taught' me how to self inject without fear. I think she took the video down because I can't find it anymore. Anyways, what we've coined 'the bounce method' is resting the needle tip on your leg where you want to inject and slowly bouncing the syringe up and down until the needle tip breaks the skin. Then slowly pushing it in (at times I've continued to bounce it slowly almost all the way in), aspirate, and inject. I swear by it and I've done many painless shots in this manner.
Quote from: Simon on December 29, 2013, 11:08:12 PM
I came across a video on YT about a year ago that I shared multiple times that basically 'taught' me how to self inject without fear. I think she took the video down because I can't find it anymore. Anyways, what we've coined 'the bounce method' is resting the needle tip on your leg where you want to inject and slowly bouncing the syringe up and down until the needle tip breaks the skin. Then slowly pushing it in (at times I've continued to bounce it slowly almost all the way in), aspirate, and inject. I swear by it and I've done many painless shots in this manner.
Thanks for explaining that. I don't think I'd be able to do it that way. :o You're very brave, lol. The only reason I like it as fast as possible is because I'm a wuss and I'll jump up if it takes too long. :-X
Quote from: DCQ on December 29, 2013, 11:34:28 PM
You're very brave, lol. The only reason I like it as fast as possible is because I'm a wuss and I'll jump up if it takes too long. :-X
I think you're brave because there is no way I could just jab something in my leg. I'm afraid I'd break the needle off or it'd hurt like the dickens. :o
Quote from: Simon on December 29, 2013, 11:38:13 PM
I think you're brave because there is no way I could just jab something in my leg. I'm afraid I'd break the needle off or it'd hurt like the dickens. :o
My partner does it for me. If I had to do it myself every week, I'd still stab it in, but I don't, fortunately.
Have you ever done it as fast as possible? It really doesn't hurt. It feels like pulling a hair out of your head (same exact sensation, to be honest). If you have and it hurt, maybe I'll try the bounce method next time just to see what it's like, but I have a feeling it won't end well for me. :P
Quote from: DCQ on December 29, 2013, 11:56:59 PM
Have you ever done it as fast as possible?
For the first two months my wife gave them to me in my glutes. She would do it really fast and after she hit a nerve in there that almost made my knees buckle I started doing it on my own, lol. I've never done it to myself in the thigh fast (I only do my thighs and rotate weekly). I find that it hurts a lot less to do them yourself than to have someone else do them. I like being in control of it. Plus when I go out of town by myself I don't have to depend on anyone else.
Quote from: DCQ on December 29, 2013, 11:56:59 PM
Have you ever done it as fast as possible?
My first shot was done by my doctor. She jabbed it fast, and injected it fast. It made my muscle spasm and hurt really bad. I had my subsequent shots done by nurses, who also injected it fast. Now that I'm doing them myself, I find that it hurts much less to inject slowly, rather than jamming it all in there at once. Putting the needle in slowly is also virtually painless. When I watched the video Simon posted (before it got taken down or whatever happened to it) it looked really scary and I thought it must be way worse. After the tip of the needle breaks the skin, though, there's no pain putting it the rest of the way in. I find it kind of freaky to look at, so I could see how it could be a problem for some, but it works out better for me because I don't have to worry about my hand refusing to bring the needle slamming into my skin.