As the title says, what questions can someone who's coming out to friends or family expect to be asked?
What are the common questions everyone gets when they come out?
What, if anything, were you asked that you weren't expecting?
Hopefully this thread will help people (myself included) prepare for "the talk" so they can stick to the issue, speak from knowledge and experience, and avoid any surprises.
So...when's The Surgery?
Are they going to cut "it" off?
I knew you shouldn't have gone to therapy...
Oh. My. Gawd.
Don't you want to go to heaven?
What does your husband/wife/bf/gf think about this?
How about your kids?
Have you really thought this all the way through?
I'm so happy for you! *hugs* <---gotta have a happy statement in here somewhere....
Awesome! So what's your new name?
Good luck! I'm sure others will help out with more expected responses...
"We already knew." Sister
"That explains a lot." Work
"What took you so long to figure that out?" Work and a sister
"You're going to be an ugly woman." Wife
"But you're a man." Wife
"So?" Work and friend
"You're too old to have children." Wife
"I don't want to have sex with you if you do." Wife
"Do what you need to do. I support you and love you." Sister and, after seven months, wife
"Why?" Sister
Oh I've known for years - sister in law
You are family and we all love you - mother in law
It's so good to see you happy at last - many work colleagues
If anyone says or trys anything against you let me know and I will deal with them - work colleague.
Does this mean we have to put the toilet set down? - male work colleague
Please forgive me if I make errors in pronouns but I have known you for 30 years as a guy, but I will try my best, just correct me - boss
What's your E level? - wife of a friend
I'm so annoyed, you have always taught me to be true to myself and you haven't been - PhD student ( I now babysit her children ::) )
Cindy is a different woman to you - 4 yr daughter of above. - why darling? (her Mum)- she drives a sports car.
Do you prefer Ms, Miss or Mrs? - Bank clerk on presenting my name change papers
I knew you were a woman even when you were pretending to be a guy - boyfriend (we met in the gym when I was in male mode)
You use the female change area of course - gym management when I asked what facility to use.
Where did you buy your boots? - question from a female student at the first lecture I gave as me
Father: "So, what does this mean for your future?"
Sister: "No ****, Sherlock"
Brother: "What?"
Best friend: My first name will be your middle name? Awesome!"
Old online friend: "Will this cure your depression?"
Ex girlfriend: "Awesome, when's vagina happening?"
Teacher: "Oh. Will you need to use the changing rooms during this course?"
Extended family: "Are you ok?"
Friend in school: "You're gonna have a boob job, right? Me too!"
Here's the 6 questions I answered in my official "coming out" letter on Facebook. And nobody asked any other questions on top of them, so I believe they were pretty adequate.
1. So are you going to have SRS?
1a. When?
1b. So what exactly happens?
1c. How do you pee afterward? (from my roommate, who apparently doesn't understand the process)
2. When are you actually going to change genders publically? (I had to answer this since I came out before actually going full-time.)
3. What name are you going to go by? / What should I call you now?
4. So what do the hormones that you're on do?
5. Are you going to date guys or girls now?
6. Is there anything I can do to help? (You might be surprised just how many people will ask this last one. :) )
Your what?-Best friend Answer:Transgender there are some online resources I can help you look up to understand it better
How do you know?-Friend Answer: I've known since I was a kid that I was meant to be a boy. I just didn't know I could do anything about it.
How much does everything cost?-Best friend Answer:Depends on procedures, insurance coverage etc
So how do they make your junk?-Guy friend Answer: The surgery itself is done in parts if you want I can show you some sights that explains everything.
Will you be able to have kids/get a girl pregnant?-Guy Friend Answer: So far they havn't been able to make that possible but who knows maybe in the future???
What about your tits?-Guy friend Answer: I'll have surgery to have them removed. If you want to know more about it we can look up the different procedures.
How long have you felt this way?-Mom Answer: My whole life I just thought I was weird and the only one that felt this way. Now I know there are other people.
How come you didnt tell me sooner?-Mom Answer: I didn't know the term or how to explain plus I was scared of your reaction.
You know I'll always love you no matter what, right?-Mom Answer:Yes I know that. You've supported me thus far and I'm glad to have you here with me.
How long will it take?-Everybody Answer: Depends on insurance, overall health, finances, etc.
What will your name be?-Everybody Answer: The same just pronounced as Dominic instead of Dominique
So that would make you straight, right?-Everybody Answer: I guess so. Well ain't that something I was straight all along!! lol
Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 16, 2013, 10:05:19 PM
I knew you shouldn't have gone to therapy...
I'm half-expecting this. Blame the therapist. Because I can't think for myself.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on November 16, 2013, 10:05:19 PM
Don't you want to go to heaven?
"Sorry baby, I'm taken." (Probably not a good idea to say that to family. :P)
Quote from: DianaPeña on November 16, 2013, 11:12:48 PM
"So, will your penis just...you know...warp into a vagina?"
LOL! Please tell me someone didn't actually say that! That's just... WOW!
Quote from: JLT1 on November 16, 2013, 11:52:07 PM
"You're going to be an ugly woman." Wife
"I'm not trying to win a beauty contest. I'm trying to save my life."
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:35:34 AM
It's so good to see you happy at last - many work colleagues
The bottom line. More people should focus on our happiness and stop worrying about what's between our legs.
Quote from: Cindy on November 17, 2013, 12:35:34 AM
I'm so annoyed, you have always taught me to be true to myself and you haven't been - PhD student ( I now babysit her children ::) )
She's right. It's easier said than done.
Quote from: Incarlina on November 17, 2013, 06:05:49 AM
Father: "So, what does this mean for your future?"
Dads. ::)
Quote from: Carrie Liz on November 17, 2013, 06:23:28 AM
Here's the 6 questions I answered in my official "coming out" letter on Facebook. And nobody asked any other questions on top of them, so I believe they were pretty adequate.
1. So are you going to have SRS?
1a. When?
1b. So what exactly happens?
1c. How do you pee afterward? (from my roommate, who apparently doesn't understand the process)
2. When are you actually going to change genders publically? (I had to answer this since I came out before actually going full-time.)
3. What name are you going to go by? / What should I call you now?
4. So what do the hormones that you're on do?
5. Are you going to date guys or girls now?
6. Is there anything I can do to help? (You might be surprised just how many people will ask this last one. :) )
Thanks! Those are really helpful. :)
Quote from: Shnoogy on November 17, 2013, 06:57:45 AM
Your what?-Best friend Answer:Transgender there are some online resources I can help you look up to understand it better
How do you know?-Friend Answer: I've known since I was a kid that I was meant to be a boy. I just didn't know I could do anything about it.
How much does everything cost?-Best friend Answer:Depends on procedures, insurance coverage etc
So how do they make your junk?-Guy friend Answer: The surgery itself is done in parts if you want I can show you some sights that explains everything.
Will you be able to have kids/get a girl pregnant?-Guy Friend Answer: So far they havn't been able to make that possible but who knows maybe in the future???
What about your tits?-Guy friend Answer: I'll have surgery to have them removed. If you want to know more about it we can look up the different procedures.
How long have you felt this way?-Mom Answer: My whole life I just thought I was weird and the only one that felt this way. Now I know there are other people.
How come you didnt tell me sooner?-Mom Answer: I didn't know the term or how to explain plus I was scared of your reaction.
You know I'll always love you no matter what, right?-Mom Answer:Yes I know that. You've supported me thus far and I'm glad to have you here with me.
How long will it take?-Everybody Answer: Depends on insurance, overall health, finances, etc.
What will your name be?-Everybody Answer: The same just pronounced as Dominic instead of Dominique
So that would make you straight, right?-Everybody Answer: I guess so. Well ain't that something I was straight all along!! lol
A lot of what you wrote sounds very similar to my experience. I didn't know HRT existed either. I thought I was the only one who felt this way, and I never would have dreamed of telling someone! That lack of knowledge hurt us both. If there were more trans education maybe we both could have been spared years of pain. And so many others too.
I love that some of your answers ended with basically, "let me help you learn more about it." :)