Ok well I have been seeing this lady who has been really wonderful and helpful so far. She is of course the only LCSW that would accept my medicare/medicaid insurance here in Texas that was closeby. She is not specialized in Gender issues but she is in Sexuality and her own daughter is a lesbian on top of all that. We have been talking quite a bit but now this week she said a few things that are personally disconcerting for me.
Well she brought up that she was generally confused as to why I never had a relationship with a man. She said she found it quite curious. I told her I am simply not attracted to men. So I don't think she has met anyone with gender issues that would be considered a lesbian possibly.
But besides that and a sort of general lack of specific knowledge we started having a philsophical debate of sorts. I told her i was a Christian and that my faith is important to me and part of the struggle I have with any desire to transition. But she decided to sort of attack my faith this session with comments like Jesus was a manifisetation of God and also that he "metaphorically died"....we agree on just about everything but i found this to be offputting and not at all helpful to my session.
What do you all think? How should I address this? Should I see her one more time and talk about how I feel about it or just move on?
I see no reason why your religious beliefs and those of your counselor need to be congruent.
Couldn't you work with a counselor who was a Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu or Atheist? Would you trust your counselor to a greater extent if she pretended to believe as you do?
I'd just get all your concerns out in the open and see what she say's. I myself have a great love for Christ. I might be missing your point about jesus ,but I don't see what she said was wrong.
Um I kinda agree her advice/comments sound kinda bias. and as far as not understanding the difference between gender Identity and sexual orientation points at being unqualified to accurately address your issues. I'd shop Else where. (yes I understand the insurance issue). I liken this problem to this comparative analogous question; Would you take medical advice from a street hooker?
She's pitching 2-0. be a shame if her third strike is denying you a carry letter, or milking you for "needed counseling sessions."
I, too, would advise caution... the fact that she doesn't share your faith isn't necessarily a problem, but the way she appeared to denigrate it *is*. Your faith is just that; YOURS. She has no right to push her views of religion on you.
I would strongly suggest you look for another counselor who is more familiar with transition, no matter how convenient or likeable this first one was. You need to be able to trust your therapist utterly, and should *never* have to avoid any topics, especially topics that are so integral to life as religion.
Also, any therapist who has done even a *little* research into transgendered people would *know* that sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender.
*hug*
Keep at it... if all else fails there are therapists on the internet who teleconference with you via Skype. It's not as intimate, but at least it gives you other options.
My therapist is must assuredly NOT a Christian LOL.... but she understands that my faith is important to me and it strengthens me and she respects that. I don't go to her for matters of faith so it doesn't cause issues. I respect her space as well and don't get into spiritual discussions with her unless it is relevant to a trans issue that I'm currently working through.
The sex with a man thing might spring from her dealing with primarily sexuality issues; maybe see sees things in black and white there and you have a chance to educate her that trans people come in hetero & gay flavors just like the rest of the population.
I don't mean to sound dumb . could some one explain the statement about jesus and how it]s wrong. I can clearly see the problem with the state of dating. I'm asking for clarity nothing more. I just don't understand the statement about jesus.
Well to be perfectly honest this has to do with that the way she treated my faith to not be that important. However in the past has been very supportive of who I am and what I believe in. That was very confusing to me that she just came out all the sudden just kinda blurted it out as if it didn't matter. I think I'll go to her one more time to see if we can get some clarity.
What she meant about Jesus, I have no idea.
The purpose of the support person is to provide support.
Religion
My therapist asked me if religion was important to me or my identity. I said I was raised in a very strict Catholic family and as such have great guilt . She asked if it was important to me now. I then said I can not explain why a god would make a little child like me and I do not want to talk about god. She has asked 2 or 3 times since, explaining it is important to many of her trans* clients and if I change my mind and want to talk to let her know.
Sexual orientation vs Gender
I would ask her what she meant. It does not sound well informed. However, she may be referring to you verses the more general population.
I was just wondering because I love Christ very much and talk all the time to my therapist about jesus.
Only time religion ever came up with my therapist was when I asked if he was a Christian. He said "No, I'm athiest, why?" "Err, well you kinda look like a Christian youth pastor.." "Thaaanks.." xD
For those responding to this thread and confused/curious about the religious issue/question of Christ - I'll just say that not all Christian sects have the same belief system regarding Jesus/who He is/what happened to Him. Not all Christians believe He 'metaphorically" died (as opposed to the belief that He really died and was really raised from the dead). I'm not speaking for the OP, but maybe her (the OP) specific Christian belief system believes His death was not 'metaphorical'. Baptists don't have the same belief system as Episcopalians, which is different from Methodists, which is still different than Catholics...yet all are within the umbrella of the 'Christian' faith. And please, let's not turn this into a holy war.
To the OP - I can understand your consternation (1) RE: the religious statements. If you're able to, I would just ignore those statements as the statements of someone with a different viewpoint than yours. My own therapist is Jewish - after we spelled out our religious boundaries and what could/could not be discussed, we've been fine. And I think a legitimate understanding of how religion may/may not impact your transition is relevant, just as any other factor in life, but if she is overtly dismissive/borderline hostile, that's a different matter. (2) RE: the sexual orientation question. To me that simply exposes inexperience on her part in dealing with the MTF community (in general), and ignorance on her part in understanding who the MTF is (in particular).
I understand the insurance issue, but if I may ask, what part of TX are you in (roundabout, not necessarily the city/town) - I've moved around in TX three times and never had issues finding a therapist.
Every road has a few bumps, Shawn Sunshine. Unless you are willing to go four-wheeling, I would just slow down a bit and absorb those bumps, without bottoming out.
I have an awesome therapist (for non-TS reasons) but every now and then he says things that bother me, or he treats certain topics in a way that bother me. It can happen, therapists are after all human beings. I used to just try and ignore it and ended up sitting at home bothered by it until one time I just told him: I'm angry at you because of... And we talked it through, he took something away from it and so did I. I think if you want to give your LCSW (?) a chance you should tell her how her comments affected you, it's in my opinion the most honest chance she can get and from the way she reacts you can decide wether or not you can keep working with her.
I absolutely agree with NathanielM. You should give her a second chance, and you should nicely tell her that her comments last time bothered you, and explain why it bothered you. It's important to be honest and open in your sessions so that you can progress in your therapy sessions.
thanks for explaining the jesus comment it cleared it up for me
The perceived connection between gender and sexual orientation is so ingrained in people, that even highly educated ones like Drs. and therapists can have a difficult time getting it out of their heads.
I went to emergency at a fairly big hospital, for some sore ribs from a bad fall.. The ER Doctor immediately started to ask about my having unsafe sex! He didn't state it as 'Any chance you are HIV pos.?' He said 'unsafe sex'. I found it VERY rude, and unprofessional. We were in three sided curtained cubicles, so I could see many of the other patients. Every time the DR. came to my cubicle, he put on mask and gloves. Not for any other patient.
I felt like the Dr. was assuming (not just erring on the side of caution) that I was A) promiscuous B) gay C) reckless
After giving me a requisition for some xrays, he suggested getting an aids test quarterly! For bruised ribs!
To your doctor's credit, transgendered people are statistically *way* more likely to have HIV infections than CIS-gendered gay or lesbian people. While it might seem insulting, apparently that doctor at least has done some research and is really trying to ensure you are healthy and safe.
*hug*
On the other hand, putting on gloves only for you might indicate some prejudice on his part, and for that I am sorry and more than a little upset.