So I've been slowly testing the waters with coming out. As of now I am 100% out as gay, though the only ones who I have come out to as trans are my parents and one of my closest friends. Then between those two the only one who knows I'm pursuing transition and made appointments to start HRT is the aforementioned friend. My parents have been awesome. They were great when I came out as gay and when I came out as trans they said all the right things. Basically they said they don't want to tell me what path to go down, they want me to figure out what is going to make me feel happy and fulfilled and the will support me 100% whatever that is. Also my dad has his own medical practice and I'm on the practice's health plan. He said if I do decide to transition he'll make sure to switch the office health plan (and therefore mine) to one that covers SRS... Which is kinda amazing. I am very VERY lucky I know that both for the support and the insurance thing.
That said, when I was seriously flirting with transition about a year ago I could sense their sadness about it. They never ever said anything but I could feel it and it definitely clouded my decision making. I do plan on telling them before I actually start HRT but I'm not there yet... Though the clock is ticking down... I got two weeks before E time. Though they know the gender issues exist. Apparently my mom had an idea that I may be trans and not gay when she found my hidden stash of women's clothing in my room when I was 16... Which I had no idea she had found.
Anyway, tonight I was at another close friend's place. We got on the topic of trans people when she brought up a cousin of another friend (getting confusing I know). Basically we were at a shiva call for the mother of our mutual close friend and her cousin was there who happens to be FTM. The friend tonight was bringing that up and she was saying she never in a million years would have guessed he was born female (and she correctly gendered him the whole time) and that she just 'saw him as a pretty cute dude.'
So I used this opening as an opportunity to sorta suss out her feelings about trans people. Basically she ended up saying that she thinks it's a biological issue, and that she couldn't imagine her brain being at odds with her body and how terrible that must be to deal with day to day, and then said 'and you can't change the brain so you have to fix the body to match the brain.' She also said that she thinks trans-women are just women cause clearly they are women mentally and vice-versa that trans-men are just men to her.
I ALMOST told her tonight, but chickened out. But at least I now know she'll be accepting when I do tell her. She was one I was a little worried about cause she comes from a Christian conservative family, but no one in her family has ever taken issue when I came out as gay and then in this conversation her mom chimed in and agreed with her on all points in regards to trans people.
I have four people who I would say are my closest friends. One I'm totally out to and she knows I'm starting HRT and doesn't care, one is the one this anecdote is about, one is the one with an FTM cousin whom she fully embraces so I know she won't care, and one is a straight dudes dude. Naturally at this point the ONLY other one I'm worried about is him, but he also seems in previous convos to be pretty trans-positive.
Hoping this continues!
That is great Honey!
You have great parents and fantastic friends.
LOL I almost wish I was there to push you! xD Seriously, that sounded like the perfect setup to out yourself. I know how scary and nerve-wracking it can be, but damn that's like having the planets align, lol! Does sound like smooth sailing though, so grats! Hope it all works out for you. :)
Haha thanks! Yeah I'm having flashbacks to when I was 12/13 and coming out as gay... I haven't had to actually "disclose" to someone for so long, I forgot how nerve wracking it was!
it's good for you. I hid most of my life and that is not fun
I have a question for you and anyone who is in your position. Are you certain your going to transition? If the answer is yes then I have a new question. What is the point of delaying the inevitable? Think hard before you answer this question because often people will throw out all sorts of reason they feel delaying makes sense. My response to that is that countless TS women just like you went through the process and survived. If I sound brash... well I am, I am keeping it real.
P.S. Talking about what you are with someone is very different than you being in their presence as this person you claim you are. If you don't understand what I am saying go read some of the stories about CDs that tell their wives and the wife is ok with it but then when she finally sees the CD dressed she flips out. It all goes back to my common theme words are a lot different than actions, and in reality actions are what counts.
Katie
Quote from: Katie on November 22, 2013, 10:51:20 AM
I have a question for you and anyone who is in your position. Are you certain your going to transition? If the answer is yes then I have a new question. What is the point of delaying the inevitable? Think hard before you answer this question because often people will throw out all sorts of reason they feel delaying makes sense. My response to that is that countless TS women just like you went through the process and survived. If I sound brash... well I am, I am keeping it real.
P.S. Talking about what you are with someone is very different than you being in their presence as this person you claim you are. If you don't understand what I am saying go read some of the stories about CDs that tell their wives and the wife is ok with it but then when she finally sees the CD dressed she flips out. It all goes back to my common theme words are a lot different than actions, and in reality actions are what counts.
Katie
Hey Katie, so I realize the title of this post is a bit misleading. I am not talking about testing the waters on coming out. I know that's inevitable, I meant testing the waters of a friends opinion on trans people before telling them. Not that if they had a negative opinion that it would keep me in the closet with them, but that I could at least mentally prepare myself before I do it that by coming out to that person I will probably be ending my relationship with them.
Now to answer your question, yes I am pursuing transition. I have my appointments set up for bloodwork to start HRT, which depending on scheduling should be happening by the end of December. As to your second question, there is no reason to delay the inevitable. That's why I'm trying to tell people now because I know the hormones are going to out me anyway soon. But nerves got the best of me last night. But of my closest friends I already have one down. I am working my way up to the rest and my goal is to have everyone who is important to me fully apprised before I actually start HRT.
As to your PS, I am not really sure what you're trying to get at here. Yes I am well aware of stories like that, and well aware that those who have been supportive may not be once physical changes set in and the reality of it hits them. But that issue is neither here nor there at the moment since I am a long ways off from going full time. So I will cross that bridge when and if I get there. But right now I don't need to be getting hung up on or projecting into the future on how someone may react later on.
*hug* Congratulations... you are in a great position, and I suspect that the support of your family and friends will be a huge help to you.
I wish you joy and happiness in the journey you've embarked on. :)
Quote from: Robin Mack on November 22, 2013, 01:15:20 PM
*hug* Congratulations... you are in a great position, and I suspect that the support of your family and friends will be a huge help to you.
I wish you joy and happiness in the journey you've embarked on. :)
Thanks Robin! I'm excited and terrified... But more the former than the latter. Just the knowledge that I am going to be starting HRT and that I am on the path to correcting my sex has majorly lifted my spirits this past week... I just wish I could fast forward the next two weeks and get there sooner!
*heh* I feel the same way... a little under two months for me. Plus I've got to nail down a new job if possible (one that lets me work from home during the awkward phase)...
Fingers crossed, talking to a recruiter... :)
Good luck! Yeah I'm lucky I do freelance composition, so I already work from home... Though I was just telling the friend who I am totally out to that the one thing I am really not looking forward to is the awkward in between 'is that a boy or a girl' phase. So I feel you on that one!
Awesome career... that is well on its way to being my second career, if I can find a way to monetize it. :) Unfortunately, I have many bills to pay.
*hug*