Sooo, here I am - tadaa! *awkward smile* :laugh:
Lol seriously, that was the hardest registration for a forum I've ever had to do in my entire *LIFE*! Not from a technical standpoint: the form was as easy as any other forum. I mean from an emotional perspective. Doing this means I'm finally admitting it in public:
I'M A FEMALE BRAIN STUCK IN A MALE BODY!
Hahaha wooOoOo! Good grief that feels so *AMAZING* to finally be able to say that out loud!! :laugh: ..also never been so terrified in all my life.. :embarrassed:
Ahem *composes self* okokok, so this whole thing has been a pretty recent realisation for me, so right now my head is kind of in a whirl. But even though I've only put two and two together recently, the clues have been there the whole way along. I've always identified more with the girls - there's no men who I really strongly admire or want to be, but there's plenty of girls / women who I just go "..wooow, she's *AWESOME!*" :D I've said to my friends and family half-jokingly over the years "pft, I so should've been a girl - they get waaaaay better clothes, shoes, hairstyles etc than us guys do!" (I get so frustrated when I go clothes shopping because everything that I'm "supposed" to wear is just... well crap to be honest!). I've even realised that the reason I find socialising soooo draining is because I spend so much energy trying to "act like a guy" and hiding my naturally feminine mannerisms, because that's what everyone expects me to do, when all I really want to do is twirl about in a skirt and be all girly. Seriously I find it hard *NOT* to do that traditionally girly "tightrope-walk" thing (if you know what I mean?) - you'd think that would be easy not to do but I naturally do it if I'm not thinking about it..
I mean, I've known for well over 10 years that there's a strong "female part" of me, but it's only now that I realise that it's not just a "part" of me - it *IS* me! The video games I play have helped me explore this a lot - in the virtual world I've been able to let this "female side" of me out under the alias "Starblaiz" (there's a small story behind that name, but that can wait 'till later if anyone's interested lol :laugh: ), but due to recent events I started exploring just how big a part of me this "Starblaiz" girl was. The question quickly turned from being "how big is my female side?" to "how small is my male side?". It didn't take me long from there to realise my "male side" was nothing more than a flimsy mask. It's just I'd been wearing it for so long I didn't know which part of me was truly real.
There's so much I want to talk about, and so many questions to ask, but I don't want to slam a wall-o-text in your faces hehe! ;D so I'll leave it there for now. Just know that I could hug all of you right now just for existing! <333
Welcome, Starblaiz, and I'll hug you back!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
I'll admit it took a lot of courage for me to join as well, and I'm so glad I did. This site has got me out of a lot of tough situations and done more for emotional support than I can thank enough.
Welcome to Susan's where many questions get answered and most of them by your own self. The information you get often helps you know your own mind a bit better.
Quote from: Willow on November 24, 2013, 02:38:30 PM
Welcome, Starblaiz, and I'll hug you back!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
I'll admit it took a lot of courage for me to join as well, and I'm so glad I did. This site has got me out of a lot of tough situations and done more for emotional support than I can thank enough.
Awwws, thank you Willow! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78) you seem really sweet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg856.imageshack.us%2Fimg856%2F1981%2Fu0sd.gif&hash=f9e71c59424211fdaedeacadb244a56da6d19852) :D
Quote from: LordKAT on November 24, 2013, 03:10:54 PM
Welcome to Susan's where many questions get answered and most of them by your own self. The information you get often helps you know your own mind a bit better.
Thank you also for the warm welcome (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg856.imageshack.us%2Fimg856%2F1981%2Fu0sd.gif&hash=f9e71c59424211fdaedeacadb244a56da6d19852) You know, a good friend once told me that
you never find the path to your true self, but rather: you find your true self along the path. I guess those words have never been more relevant to me than they are right now :D
Hi Starblaiz :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
Hugs
V M
Hi Starblaiz , :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 8616 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Welcome to the family my new adopted sister! I know what you mean by it being hard to register. I was to the outside world a typical alpha dog Paramedic/Firefighter until a little slip. We saw a very nice lady walk by the station one day and everyone commented appropriate for the situation until I said "Yeah she's great. Those knee boots go well with her jeans". OOPS! Well, now that you have admitted your true self get ready for one wicked ride. The information you get here is from people actually going through various stages of transition so you will learn a lot and make good friends here. PM any time you need to talk, vent or ask anything at all. Glad to have you with us sister! :)
Hi Starblaiz. Welcome to your new family. Best of luck on your new and wonderful journey, Here's a new puppy to help you along the way. You'll have to come up with a name now.
Hugs,
Cindy
Greetings! So many wonderful adventures await you! I won't lie, this isn't an easy path, but you *can* do it if you *must* do it. Life is too short not to be lived... and I *can* say that as I'm working on my own transition life has become richer and more vibrant.
The people here at Susan's are top-notch. You will find love, support, and great sanity checks as you go through life. I hope you will find a home here, like I did. :)
Hi Starblaiz, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. Thanks for sharing a little bit of yourself with us. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn
hehe! (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg534.imageshack.us%2Fimg534%2F6443%2F742y.gif&hash=abe4ca5a3abc40d70e7a6874f215411e1ca1bfc0) never been referred to as "sister" before, but it feels sooo right! *hugs* :D with such a warm welcome from you all, this place feels like home already - so thank you! <333 (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg856.imageshack.us%2Fimg856%2F1981%2Fu0sd.gif&hash=f9e71c59424211fdaedeacadb244a56da6d19852)
@V M: *CZZT* message received and understood Ma'm *salutes* (basically: don't be a douche, right? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg607.imageshack.us%2Fimg607%2F1835%2Fldcl.png&hash=2fcedbd30f729d81a147f485bc7a5b8fb4373e88) )
Sooo errrrm... I guess you'd all like to know a bit about me (the *REAL* me (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg607.imageshack.us%2Fimg607%2F1835%2Fldcl.png&hash=2fcedbd30f729d81a147f485bc7a5b8fb4373e88)), right? :D
Well first of all you've probably noticed I use emotes like punctuation marks! :D That's actually pretty much how I see them - they convey emotion in text (thus "emoticons" or "emotes"), which is an essential part of communication.. arguably even more important than the text itself in many cases ;) Some people I know *HATE* emotes and think they should be banned, but I think the opposite and they should be compulsory because they are so important... besides: they're just sooo damn *cute*! :D
Next thing you'll probably notice: I've got a pretty sunny personality (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg534.imageshack.us%2Fimg534%2F6443%2F742y.gif&hash=abe4ca5a3abc40d70e7a6874f215411e1ca1bfc0) That's true even when I'm wearing my "guy mask", although it's obviously a little more tempered but still :P I've always believed that - in life - when things go wrong you have two choices: you can either laugh or you can cry, and I don't like crying so.. :P Right now of course (in case you didn't gather already lol! :D ) I'm on a bit of a high due to this whole revelation and from finding somewhere when I can *FIIIIINALLY* (socially) be the real me and not feel like I have to put the guy mask on! (I'm talking about this place, obviously! :P ). Once that high wears off and the terror of the challenges that lay ahead of me finally come into focus, I'm sure I'll calm down, and that's probably when I'm going to need you all the most. *hugs* (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg856.imageshack.us%2Fimg856%2F1981%2Fu0sd.gif&hash=f9e71c59424211fdaedeacadb244a56da6d19852) I don't get depressed very easily, very often or for very long, but when I do it hits me damn hard :(
Eeerm, age? Lol sure, why not? :P I'm 27 - will be 28 in January (Capricorn and proud! ;D ... well, borderline Aquarius but still.. :D). Lol I know I know, a real girl shouldn't reveal her true age and all that, but honestly I actually *LIKE* this age (27 is a good number 8) ).
Music-wise I'm very much a rock chick ;D Not a fan of "Screamo" or "Death Metal" or anything like that (there was a time where I thought that kinda stuff was "ok" in small doses, but not so much these days), but I am very much into Future Synth Pop and EBM. If you're not sure what that is (I know there's a large diversity of ages and backgrounds here) then the best way for me to describe it is it's like Dance music for rockers lol ;D Right now "Big City Lullaby" by Ayria is my favouritest track (by my favouritest artist) *EVER* if you want to get an idea :laugh: (not sure if linking to music vids on Youtube is ok?). Also been listening to a lot of Dubstep lately too because that's actually not a world away and there's just something about that genre that always makes me want to bounce about!
Film/TV etc: Basically a sci-fi fan. Love Startrek (but not Starwars: Jean-Luc Picard >> Luke Skywalker any day!), Stargate (even Universe which everyone apparently hated for some weird reason.. ??? ), Firefly (dur! who doesn't these days? :laugh: ), Farscape (really underrated series) and all those sorts of things :) Also dabble in a bit of fantasy occasionally - I love Lord of the Rings and looking forward to the rest of the Hobbit trilogy, and currently can't contain my excitement at getting Game of Thrones Season 3 on DVD soon(ish)! :D (Side note: Daenerys Targaryen is by far my favourite character and when I took one of those daft "which GoT character are you?" online quizzes I got her! Looool! Hiiiiint muuuuuch?? :laugh: Side note 2: Tyrion Lannister is my second favourite just because he's so awesomely hilarious! :laugh: )
Erm... lol perhaps I'd better leave it there.. again I don't want to wall-o-text you all to death especially when you've all been so lovely to me already! :D
If there's anything specific any of you want to know about me then pleeeeease feel free to ask! Seriously I don't bite (unless I'm being playful but even then it's just a nibble I promise! :laugh: ).
Love you all (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg534.imageshack.us%2Fimg534%2F6443%2F742y.gif&hash=abe4ca5a3abc40d70e7a6874f215411e1ca1bfc0)
~~Starblaiz~~
Quote@V M: *CZZT* message received and understood Ma'm *salutes* (basically: don't be a douche, right? (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg607.imageshack.us%2Fimg607%2F1835%2Fldcl.png&hash=2fcedbd30f729d81a147f485bc7a5b8fb4373e88) )
Well yeah, that's basically it 8) Plus we like new members to familiarize themselves with the site rules and such, helps them to stay out of trouble
Anywho, welcome to the site :) I hope you find a lot of new friends and great topics to talk about
Hugs
V M
Hi, Starblaiz. Love your avatar. Welcome have fun.
Dina