About a few years ago or so I found myself in a wonderful new group of friends that my best friend John from high school and his girlfriend Ali introduced me to. I was the youngest until I introduced my best friend Jane to everyone during a Halloween party in 2011 who got into a good relationship which has still been going on. It went on pretty fine with these people for the first couple years, was enjoying them and the nerdom that naturally followed. Even having a going away celebration for John when he moved into the city last year which is an hour away. Then after I came out 14 months ago and subsequent hospitalization things began going sour. I had a funk going on in the few months after I got out of the hospital. A couple of my friends who I live in the same town and hangout the most with noticed my mental deterioration which I wasn't aware of and failed to do anything about it. I began really isolating myself from everyone to the point where I would be hanging out and only saying a few words the whole day. When they did tell me it was a huge over emotional event last Christmas over lots of bad drama llama stuff that I got caught in the crossfires of. A couple months after I finally came to, I said my apologies, sought to move on and reconnect with everyone. But it wasn't the same, my best friend Jane whom I knew and was a brother to since I started college and Ali began getting very close with each other at my expense. Usually it was the three of us since we all live in the same town. It went from the three of us being best buds, to me being a third wheel and now me being completely left out of the picture, I have been overlooked this fall for various events for many supposed reasons. Most recently when all my friends went to a Doctor Who themed bar called the Way Station for the 50th anniversary special of Doctor Who. Throughout the past months they would always talk about it in front of me, sometimes in length without even asking me if I wanted to go as I am also a fan even though I haven't seen the whole series.
On the transgender side of the issue they have been subtly transphobic to me, only now I'm catching on because of a slight case of PDD. It all started out when I arrived a bit late to a Halloween party last year and a friend who was hosting it just outed me in front of a bunch of strangers and some people who I haven't told by introducing me as Julia which led to a lot of awkwardness. During the rest of that fall because of my mental condition at the time they kept very strongly telling me not to start hormones because I'm trying to rush through everything. No one took any time to try to understand my situation and how it would and has helped a lot with my depression and body image. They would often make "->-bleeped-<-" jokes in front of me until it took me several times to get through to them about how offensive it was to me. They would commonly become confused at me when I came out as predominantly a lesbian. They told me I was confusing them and not making sense that I prefer to date women, in their heads apparently men become women to date other men. Sure they have started really using my name Julie and female pronouns but they have done nothing else to try and support me at all. When I told them recently I was changing my name again because I haven't been liking Julie anymore they refused to try and even call me by my new name until I can stick with it, which is now Riley Skye btw. I said that one of the ways for me to really see if it was working is to actually try to use it, which in fact I'm loving Riley Skye a lot more than Julie Marie.
I tried throughout the year to mend everything but I just gave up trying to communicate with them because I would always initiate everything. I'm tired of being part of a group that's been viewing me as an extra wheel at best to a burden at worst. It seems to me that no one is caring about my opinions and what I want to do. Going so far as my birthday amusement park trip being controlled by what Jane and Ali wanted to do without bothering to hear me out. No one can care less about my athletics, they just write me off as crazy for training and competing in triathlon, let alone the Ironman triathlon. They just simply write off any other interests I have and are never bothering to call or text or IM me on facebook. I'm done with these people, I'm tired and done with trying to reach out with my feels and only getting "constructively criticized" on the off occasions I do get through. I'm breaking off my friendship to these people who will do nothing to try to talk and listen to me. It's been making me cry almost every night this month that these people who I've grown to love and trust over the years would just abandon me like that when I become an inconvenience to them. It's BS how no one has any empathy towards the transgender kid suffering from various mental illnesses. It's been hard as I've been only close with one person, who's outside the group this year but on the other hand I'm hopeful. Since I came out and went to my new school and started going to a trans support group I've meet a wonderful array of excellent queer and trans people in this rainbow bubble of fun, I've even reconnected to a good friend of mine last December who came out to me as trans himself. I'm trying to actually make some new friends no matter how hard it is, I just hope I can find people who will love and cherish me for who I am.
Sorry I needed a real feels dump. It's just been so hard personally and I just need to be able to reach out, thanks for listening to me.
Big hug! We never stop growing, and frequently we grow away from people, even the people we love and cherish. It isn't fun, but it does happen. Hugs, Devlyn
There is something like 7 billion people who presently live on this planet
Quote from: evecrook on November 25, 2013, 02:50:46 PM
There is something like 6 billion people who presently live on this planet
That was in 2000. We're above 7 billion now. Not sure of the relevance. Plenty of fish in the sea?
*hug* It definitely sounds like new friends are in order. I'm sorry you are having such trouble with your old set.
When I was in college, I was still working through the "Ok, so I've got this male body, but I want to experience being a woman. I must be gay. Or at least bi" thing going on. I did *not* have the courage to come out to any of my friends. I also did not (at that time) have the ability to acknowledge I was transsexual to myself. At that point the only role model I had for a transexual was from the Rocky Horry Picture Show.
So I started looking for people like me. I couldn't stand the idea that there was a part of me so strange that no one in the city I went to college in was like me... and I had an inkling of what gays and bisexuals were about. So I found a GLBT support group in the area. It was free, met every Monday, and was, well, supportive. Over time I gained friendships there that have lasted over twenty years. Unfortunately none of them new enough about trans issues to reach out to me in that way, to help me figure myself out. Still, they were good friends, and that was a huge help to me.
Julie, I hope for you that you can find a local group like the one I went to, or at least find some friends in the GLBT community. People who accept you for who you are, and respect that. Friends like that can make living in a world of less enlightened people more bearable. I respect your courage in facing what you do in your social group, but I strongly hope you can find the acceptance that I did in another group.
And, of course, there is always Susan's. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to vent at. *hug*
I went through years with this, I even told my best friend a couple years ago that I had gender issues beforei fully came out as trans. I was happy to find my schools lgbt club last fall and at the same time roughly two trans support groups though I only go to one due to its demographics of your people. It's very hard for me to meet and befriend people because of my pdd though I have been about better and have finally broken through and really got a few new friends this semester. It's upsetting that no one bothered to understand more tried to help me I'm any way at all. All I've been told us to find a new therapist because I was still and still suffering from anxiety and depression. It's at the point where I lie so that I don't have to hear anything. I just don't really want to bother talking but I feel like there's just so much I'd love to just say :\
Quote from: JulieVB on November 25, 2013, 04:53:08 PM
I went through years with this, I even told my best friend a couple years ago that I had gender issues beforei fully came out as trans. I was happy to find my schools lgbt club last fall and at the same time roughly two trans support groups though I only go to one due to its demographics of your people. It's very hard for me to meet and befriend people because of my pdd though I have been about better and have finally broken through and really got a few new friends this semester. It's upsetting that no one bothered to understand more tried to help me I'm any way at all. All I've been told us to find a new therapist because I was still and still suffering from anxiety and depression. It's at the point where I lie so that I don't have to hear anything. I just don't really want to bother talking but I feel like there's just so much I'd love to just say :\
It's a process for all of us. On the plus side, you're still quite young and there are *lots* of opportunities available to you, as long as you make sure you have a future. And you do have a voice, and you *do* deserve to be heard. My hope for you is that over time you will find your audience grows, and that there are ears available to hear you.
I'm glad you have found some lifelines in LGBT groups. I hope that they will sustain you. Just remember, for every active member in the LGBT community, there are several others who are taking time off or wrapped up in their own lives. If you are able to get out and socialize, I am certain that you will find that your circle of trusted friends grows.
*hug*
I hope that I can find friends who will love me for me and my peculiarities. Plus I also need to find friends who are also into triathlons, most people I know are years older than me or in the case of one friend hundreds of miles away. It would be nice to just not worry about fitting in or anything and most importantly find respect.