Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all:

I was just curious as to why the non-transitioners are non-transitioners. Please check a box(es) above that best fits your situation, and/or explain below in a reply.

I am not transitioning because so far I've been feeling pretty comfortable being male in a female body, I've been following Sikhi as best as I possibly can and part of the path is not changing your body much from it's natural state, and I know transitioning would have a negative impact on my current job. The need to transition isn't very strong, I do think about it though and in a fairy tale world I'd take the magic potion which would suddenly transform me into a biological male, but in my daily life, I am comfortable continuing on as I am now. I just act like myself and while I do dress female sometimes for specific reasons, I am pretty cool with how my life is.

:)

I want to stay as dad to my kids.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on November 29, 2013, 06:54:16 AM
I want to stay as dad to my kids.

barbie~~

OMG! That's the biggest reason for me too. 

J.

For a good five years now I have been taking the trans beast head on after a good five decades of avoiding it or dancing around the fringes. Over those five years I have come to some level self acceptance which led to loosing about all of the shame and a good part of the guilt associated with being what I am. That process allowed me to finally achieve my life long dream, to be seen as and accepted as a woman. For the first time in decades I've been experiencing joy, passion, and found peace and happiness.

Now I wrestle with a different beast; fear and indecision. The growth I've experienced these past few years has taught me that I am allowed to feel good about my achievements. That I am deserving of them. I've had by most measures a fantastic life. (TBH, still have a hard time with that).

So, Why transition? Is that additional happiness worth the potential cost?

I think for me the biggest reason would be fear.  I have a real fear of surgery.  Just the idea makes me shiver.  Although I would really like at some point to be and seen as a woman.  But also right now I am happy to quit pretending I am someone I am not and letting people know who I really am and be accepted for that.   Maybe one day I will transition and maybe not, I'm keeping my mind open to the possibilities :)

Rejection. Being outcast (more than already am). Family. Responsibilities. Fear of never passing (even though I know beautiful girls who deal every freaking day and are beyond amazing). Promises I already made. Lots of reasons.

But, it's getting more inevitable every day. I can't die like this and I don't really have good excuses anymore. For the parents. That is something I can respect and admire. People make sacrifices for the ones they love, especially their children. I'm not even cut out for that.

Still my little daughter sometimes calls me 'mom', but immediately tries to correct it. My sons also did so when they were very young.

My daughter is very curious about some cosmetics I have, and she tries to wear them, but usually scolded by her mom for her messy face. She sometimes complains that her class mates first think I am her mom, but she is anyway proud of me. As I have maintained good relationship with my wife since she was born, she has been emotionally very stable and bright, and I do not want to disturb her.

She likes to speak to other adults. Everybody here likes my daughter. My crossdressing is a kind of everyday amusement to her. She likes making fun of it, and sometimes meddles in it.

barbie~~

Unable to come out to any of the three people I want to come out to first (biggest reason). Scared of being infertile. Cannot drive yet (though making progress). Is a HUGE procrastinator. Seriously planning to after telling my dad (and refusing to go to college until I can)

So that's four off your list.

Quote from: michelle_kelly on December 02, 2013, 10:05:54 PM
I think for me the biggest reason would be fear.  I have a real fear of surgery.  Just the idea makes me shiver. 

Why would you need surgery?

Lots of people (most?) never have surgery and many of those that do live successfully post-transition for many years prior to any surgery.

I have raised this point before and am about to again. It's curious to me that I think I shouldn't. Curious in a sad and painful kind of way. There's a voice in my head saying, 'You have said your piece on this matter once, so now shut up!' Evidence, I guess, of how little room I allow myself to be, to connect, to live.

I see so much of this lately, how holed up and withdrawn I have become - not sharing myself, not showing myself, not allowing myself much room in this world - as I struggle with both physical and social dysphoria. Sigh. Which gets me to realizing what a blessing this place is: Somewhere to actually practice sharing and showing and all the rest. Wow!

Which brings me to 'this point': While I know what is meant by the term 'transitioning' here, as times wears on I become less and less comfortable saying 'I am not transitioning.' There are just too many changes happening - and more to come! That these changes do not, as of yet, include procedures generally subsumed beneath what Joules termed 'medical transitioning', does not mean there is no transition going on here.

So why am I not transitioning? Well, I'm not not transitioning! 

Quote from: Tanya W on December 03, 2013, 01:51:06 PM
Which brings me to 'this point': While I know what is meant by the term 'transitioning' here, as times wears on I become less and less comfortable saying 'I am not transitioning.' There are just too many changes happening - and more to come! That these changes do not, as of yet, include procedures generally subsumed beneath what Joules termed 'medical transitioning', does not mean there is no transition going on here.

So why am I not transitioning? Well, I'm not not transitioning!

Maybe a better word would be transforming?

I just don't know who or what I am. In other words, still doing some soul searching.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on December 03, 2013, 05:13:42 PM
Maybe a better word would be transforming?

Interesting suggestion, Inside.

My umbrage with the 'non-transitioning' / 'not transitioning' label is, at root, about the blatant negation in the term. I mean, it begins with 'non' / 'not' for gosh sakes! I feel that myself and others like me - anyone adapting to a less than conventional gender sense without the aid of medical intervention - work too damn hard to be umbrellaed under a term that starts this way, carries such a disempowering connotation.

So my suggestion has been to drop the 'non' / 'not' and embrace the word 'transitioning' as descriptive of the situation I find myself in. It's an okay fix, as far as it goes, but there always remains the fact that the trans community as whole tends to use the term in another way.

In this light, your introduction of an entirely different word has some attractive merit. 'Transforming' becomes a term that describes all who adapt to a less than conventional gender sense. 'Transitioning' describes those who undergo some sort of medical intervention in this quest. And of those who do not avail themselves of such intervention? 'Transforming without transition'?

When I think of "non-transitioning" its purely in the medical context.

I can still transition/transform without hrt, surgery, etc. I have no problem with the term as is, since I am not and have no current intention to transition medically.

Maybe this should be the subject of a new topic to get more in depth into this.

It really is the trans community that set the definition (well, I guess you can credit psychologists too ...) and if you go around saying you're "transitioning" without any medical aid it seems to ruffle some feathers.

It's like when I mentioned being "stealth", but my perspective of that term is that no one knows my big secret. They are seeing me as a gender I am not on the outside. Rather than the trans definition of it, which is the outside world not knowing your backstory and that you weren't born as the current gender you appear. There were some boats rocked with that one.

Since there already are 31 flavors of terms within "the community" why not come up with a couple new ones and start using those?

ETA

LearnedHand - we should start another thread revolving around this topic ;)

I am not sure what I am. I am taking Bovine Ovary along with Pituitary Glandular, but don't know if that counts as transitioning or not. I will not be passable in my opinion and am too old, plus too tall. Changing the shape of my body is great to fit into female clothes in the privacy of my own home.

I'm not in a position to yet. There's a nine-month waiting list for the only gender clinic for young people in my state, and I'm still underage and dependent on my family, who wouldn't be supportive.

ok i voted other. no for my reasioning.....

well 1: my fiance is rather attached to that part of my anatomy and i want to keep her happy with me. we had made the deal at the beguining that i would keep it. so i am,
2:there is no garentee that i will loss sexual funtion. meaning there is the chance that i will still get hard as time goes on.
so for now untill i nolonger have the abuility to get hard it will be at that time i will reconcider the desision.

Strike what I said. Infertility scares the crap out of me.

Quote from: barbie on November 29, 2013, 06:54:16 AM
I want to stay as dad to my kids.

"Family or Social reasons" & "I am transitioning, or already have, and just wanted to see the results"

ditto! Kids are now 14 and soon to be 16 (boy/girl) and while my LIFE has been one of constant transitions (ie: change of career, friends, interests etc) it just not so readily 'apparent', nobody's real business but mine! With kids of legal choosing age and 'ex' finally out of the picture my older sister constantly affirms I am the best 'single mom' she's ever seen!

Being 'trans' is so much more than just 'appearances' CHOICES & ACTIONS speak volumes for sure!

The entire process, really. I'm not 100% sure my family would accept it. I wouldn't be thrown out in the cold but their opinion of me might change and I can't bear being thought of as a freak by them.My mother simply doesn't understand and just sees me as a girl trying to be a boy when I should be happy to be a girl. She asks when I'm going to 'get over this'.

Money's a factor too since I'm fresh out of college and don't have a job. And frankly, I don't want the full effects of T(like a beard and body hair). I would give anything for a voice that wasn't squeaky and a few more inches in height though.

Quote from: barbie on November 29, 2013, 06:54:16 AM
I want to stay as dad to my kids.

barbie~~

I am transitioning and I'm A-OK with them calling me "Dad." There's no need for me to consider it a gendered term (despite that others will). If they decide to change it later on their own, then that's their choice and I'm fine with it.

I am transgender but have no desire to transition. I'm very content as I am.


:)

For now I have to work it out with myself and my family. I hate to feel rejection and its a huge burden to carry

I'm not transitioning because of fear, uncertainty and the fact that it goes against Buddhism. I'd love to have just switch to being a biological male with the tools I have currently to connect, empathise, and etc and combine that with physical power, and other attributes. I feel if I could just take the other half and combine it with myself I would be exactly me. But it's unrealistic. It also clashes with what I study. (I'm having a very hard time expressing this clearly so please bear with me)

I have a very hard time coming to terms with it even being a possibility for medical reasons, knowing how my emotions and mind work, and understanding the kind of world I happen to live in. Money is also an issue that will take some time to figure out. So with saying that I've just been trying my hardest to learn to accept myself as I am. Express myself so both male and females can understand and know they are understood. And when it comes to dealing with disphoria I'm unable to wear any packers because of allergies, so I've accepted I've just got live without it. I can use my pens, pencils, and paper to express the side that wants to be heard. In time I believe I can live with that. It will take some relearning. But i believe I can manange that till my time on this earth is done good and final.

Not sure if this post will help anyone, but I wasn't going to for a long time because of my father. I didn't want to hurt him. He was very attached to the idea of me being his daughter. Only when I realized that, BECAUSE he loves me, he would never want me to suffer for his sake, did I feel comfortable transitioning. It's been hard on him but we're just as close as ever, and there's healing, so there's that. I hope that helps someone.

My daughter and sons often call me "mom" on accident as well.

I just don't know.  I feel that I have been in a fog for the past twelve years (I got caught in a time rut... like the Pink Floyd song... "then one day you find that ten years have got behind you, no-one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...").

I had a mental break and started on herbals in February... pueraria mirifica (sorry, I hope I am allowed to write about this... but they really do help me) and have found I feel much better with CD at home and under-dressing out as often as I can. 

I would love to transition, actually, but I feel I would alienate my very Catholic family, never be able to find a job in education again, and aside from a brain transplant, I fear that there is little surgery can do for me at the moment.

Makes me sad, but there's my story.

After thinking more about it, if I was given the money to have the surgery to become female, I think that I would do it, even though I feel that I am too old and tall. This might sound strange, but if I had reached that point, I would still want to come across as male on my job, as too many know me as a male. If I relocate, that is a totally different situation. Also, if I can be proven as passable. My boobs are still totally hidden by baggie shirts. Even as large as they seem to be getting.

Stephanie

Quote from: JustEmily on December 23, 2013, 11:02:02 PM
My daughter and sons often call me "mom" on accident as well.

I just don't know.  I feel that I have been in a fog for the past twelve years (I got caught in a time rut... like the Pink Floyd song... "then one day you find that ten years have got behind you, no-one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun...").

I had a mental break and started on herbals in February... pueraria mirifica (sorry, I hope I am allowed to write about this... but they really do help me) and have found I feel much better with CD at home and under-dressing out as often as I can. 

I would love to transition, actually, but I feel I would alienate my very Catholic family, never be able to find a job in education again, and aside from a brain transplant, I fear that there is little surgery can do for me at the moment.

Makes me sad, but there's my story.

Yes. Your situation is like mine, but I am not so much sad.

barbie~~

Quote from: Stephanie2 on December 24, 2013, 02:21:43 AM
After thinking more about it, if I was given the money to have the surgery to become female, I think that I would do it, even though I feel that I am too old and tall. This might sound strange, but if I had reached that point, I would still want to come across as male on my job, as too many know me as a male. If I relocate, that is a totally different situation. Also, if I can be proven as passable. My boobs are still totally hidden by baggie shirts. Even as large as they seem to be getting.

Stephanie

I am also a little bit old (50 years old in the new year), but I like competing with ladies in their 20s.

barbie~~

I am transitioning and always will be.

Religious/Cultural

#Christian.  I don't think the Bible explicitly says that it is a sin to transition, but it does forbid homosexuality, which if you take it in the context of your birth gender for me to be attracted to or make out with other born-males would be homosexuality.

Family or Social

# I have a seven year old son and am married to a conservative Christian who doesn't even want to see a sex toy.  I lost my son for two years the last time I tried transitioning, and went through months of supervised visitation at a YMCA facility because the wife (who I am still with) made claims that my cross-dressing was affecting our then-2 year old boy.

Monetary

# Right now I would not be able to support myself financially, let alone paying child support if my wife were to leave me again (which would likely happen if I transitioned)

Being afraid or I think I am too old

# I am now 41 years old and have noticed some aging, so I'm not sure how this would affect HRT the second time around.

I plan on transitioning, just haven't started yet

# I would need some outside intervention to support my case, to ensure that I did not lose custody of my son.

The reasons I am not transitioning right now...

I think the first reason is that I have a family member that came out as trans, though is imbalanced with several mental disorders.  I was planning my own coming out, growing my hair, and trying to connect with a counselor with how to come out when my relative told my family and I they were trans.  I got to see how my family treated them, actually pretty good if I do say so myself.  Unfortunately, my relative took advantage of their good wills, and needless to say it did not reflect well on people with GID; though their problems were really caused by their other mental disorders.  This left me not wanting to come out, as I feel I would just be another 'burden' to my family.

In the time frame that it was perfect to come out and my relative did instead and ruined it, I got accepted into a profession that is surprisingly transphobic; especially when you are on the bottom rungs.  So, I am trying to work my way up, and see how time makes it evolve.

Thirdly, I have doubts.  Would I truly be happy? Am I misidentifying my personality characteristics and inner-self as female... When actually I am not? Is living a female life, having a female body, and living as a woman in the world really just a thrill for me?  Is this more of a sexual issue than a mental, emotional, and social one for me? What if I altered myself and it was a mistake?

Finally, I am content when I am busy as a male... As in I rarely think about it.  Yes, I know, I am keeping myself busy so I never have to think about what exists inside.  When I come home, and am alone, GID related issues consume my time.  But, a good 92% of my busy days are not dysphoria laden.  I am happy with a lot of things in my life I know I would have to give up if I did transition.  In some ways, I am just waiting till I can't stand it anymore (I had a few periods almost at this threshold, but they passed).  Then, I will take the step forward and transition.

This is what is keeping me from transitioning.

Actually, I am transitioning in a way. By having HRT (Bovine Ovary) for the last three months, I would think that the extra estrogen being made in my body is bringing out feminine characteristics. The boobs are getting larger and from what I read, the waist, hips and buttocks are next. If I can only lose the weight, then I will be able to see the results better. So, in other words, I seem to have taken cross dressing to a whole new level.

Stephanie

A few years ago, I started working towards transitioning.  I came out to my family.  I saw a therapist who offered to give me a referral for T as soon as I wanted it.

Then the suddenness of it all made me question everything.  I haven't figured out what my gender identity really is yet.  I feel mostly male, but I don't hate my body or want to change it.

Really, I feel anti-gender.  I wish I didn't have to choose a gender identity and could just be myself without being put into a box.  I've been living this way for a while, but it's hard.  People don't understand, so I have to constantly try to pass as female.

So I'm going to see a therapist again and try to figure everything out.

I'm transitioning very slowly. I expect rejection from those who are close to me, but that's not the reason that I'm not transitioning. I don't have a job to pay for hardly any of this and I'm getting older. It's super stressful because I know I missing out on the best years of my life. I'm 26 trying to plow my way through college in order to get my degree (and a decent paying job) asap just to transition. This comment might sound stuck up to some people but after being in the closet for nearly 20 years, hating myself and not knowing what my deal was due to a lack of information, ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away, etc, I was more ready than ever to make the change. In the year that I've been out I have only had 2 sessions of facial hair removal so that's why I'm posting here.

i've been walking in circles for a couple years, but right now, i'm feeling like medical transition is the way to go.
only medical though, still won't try the social transition thing. will probably have to explain a little bit to some people if i can manage to get on t, but...

eh...

if i can manage to get on t... that's so vague. i'll probably have to lie to the gid clinic in order to get that.

Well I voted other and those reasons are 1. I have low T levels which were confirmed a few weeks ago. Seems like it's always been low so... 2. Slight case of gynacomastia  so I do have itty bitty ones and have since puberty, Thank you Universe, no sarcasm intended on that one even though in middle school, gym class was a bitch when we had to dress out and I had to explain it was a medical condition. It's funny because "gay" was a bad thing back then but more of the boys wanted to touch them and were curious than were not or were mean about it. A lot of them would take up for me when someone would give me a hard time about it. ???  Besides, any bigger due to HRT and I wouldn't be able to go back and forth like I can now and they would probably just get in the way anyway. 3. I have already mentally transitioned and am currently fairly comfortable with myself as is for now.

But who knows, in a couple of months my vote may change because the more time goes on the more I seem to want to take it a little farther. So for me it is an ongoing process and where it ends only time will tell.

I'm 62 years old but a guy who looks much younger by 10+ years, I cycle long distances so I have great legs.  I have a very similar story as many here - dressing in my Mom's clothes, staring at men, growing my hair long then closeted in HS, College, first jobs, married, 3 daughters, divorced, gay bottom - but dreaming of having sex as a woman, partnered, cheated on, job losses, depression, new job, prospers, now the boss with time to revisit my life and do as I want rather than do as others want me to do.

10 years younger looking, flowers tattoed on my shoulders to my elbows, a dragon on 1 hip and a griffin on the other, tribal on my foot.  Piercings: Ears are 6 gauge tunnels, nipples are 10 gauge captive bead rings, pink gems in my navel and in my cock, a 3 rung frenum ladder on the top and another on the bottom, and, an ampallang through my head.  Light blond hair - my hairdresser knows - str8 to my shoulders.  Shaved smooth from my plucked brows to my painted toes.

Big shouldered alpha male type - with a deep voice and a carraige that intimidates most everyone - I 'll never change that, and while I wear panties from Victoria Secrets, I like just jeans, tees, and blazers.

If I want anything more it would be have my breasts augmented but otherwise I got all of what I need.

Many things i guess,
Main one was being rejected by my mum, and if i ever came out to my family the likes of me getting kicked out are very very high.
And if that happened i'd be screwed as im young, have no friends and no where to stay.

Another reason is probably that i would like to have kids when im older, but obviously thats impossible if i transitioned.
im probably just too young to be trying to figure out all this crap in my head i guess.... idk.

edit: Also for some reason when im MUCH OLDER i'd rather be an old man rather than an old woman? but right now id rather be a young girl than a young guy? Or maybe not. idk my head is all over the place right now.

Quote from: Aisla on January 31, 2014, 04:57:36 PM
I am transitioning and always will be.

This answer caught my attention.  It is much like the philosophical issue I discussed with Metta Anatta, concerning the "Ship of Thesus" paradox.

I selected "other."  As someone who seems to be genderfluid, unless I was a shape-shifter, is their a body that works for me??

Furthermore, I see transition as happening on multiple levels: physical; mental; emotional; spiritual.  For me, not all are "in sync."

Quote from: Jamie D ... adios on March 12, 2014, 03:22:42 AM
Furthermore, I see transition as happening on multiple levels: physical; mental; emotional; spiritual.  For me, not all are "in sync."

What a wonderful way to look at this.  I agree completely.  Mental and spiritual take the front seat for me.  It is not so important right now that the physical matches up completely as long as the people in my life that really matter know and can accept me for who I truly am. 

Changing the exterior, or the "flesh suit" is less important than realizing who I am right now.