Overly dramatic title alert.
I can't believe I've come this far in a week. Okay I finally allowed myself to think about the question of whether I was at my core identity, male or female. I have to tell my wife that this has happened and that I need to seek out a therapist and a support group and then see what happens next.
I feel like I've lied a number of times this has come up before and I've put up a wall of "No Hormones/No Female internal Identification/no living as a woman) I was scared of this exact thing.
I feel so guilty. Especially because part that of me that is so happy to be free...
Well, you shouldn't feel guilty for being yourself. Never be sorry for that.
Also, this helped me a lot a while ago: "When you start to become who you are the first thing you learn is that there is nothing to fear." Hope it helps you a bit as well.
Dear, you are doing what you have to do. Being ourselves isn't a choice. It's inside us and too many of us are eaten up from the inside out when we ignore that voice that tells us who we need to be.
You didn't choose this, nor can you control this. Generations of Trans folk have tried, usually to bad end.
Anyone who truly loves you would never dream of telling you not to be who you are.
You should not feel guilty for being what you are. Most of the family members here have had guilt to one point or another. After you find out it is not only you feeling this way, healing tends to follow. You will be OK as long as you are true to yourself. You just can't fight gender Dysphoria for long, the toll is too great. :)