Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello!

My name is Pam - I'm a 24 year old grad student who recently came out as genderqueer, though I'm not really sure who I am at this point - it's all sort of evolving as I work through my issues with gender and how I relate to my female body. I'm seeing a counselor at the moment, but we haven't talked too much about this yet as I've been dealing with other things for the past month. But I have another appointment with him on Wednesday and I plan to bring everything up with him because it's really all I've been able to think about for the past week or so.

I grew up very gender fluid, mostly identifying as a boy - short hair, swim trunks, asked my family to call me Dave, really enjoyed passing. When I hit puberty and grew boobs I didn't like it, but I just sort of dealt with it - I still dressed very "tom-boyishly" and have never been particularly feminine, nor have I ever been comfortable seeing myself as a woman.

It all sort of came to a head this semester when I finally began my "adult life" mostly independent of my parents - I started questioning this identity (or non-identity) that I had adopted, this neither-ness. Not a man, not a woman, so what the heck am I? I feel very lucky to have a friend in my grad program who is an openly trans man, currently in transition. He's been so open about his own journey and very supportive of mine.

Dysphoria is a hard question for me - I've never felt as if I was supposed to be born male. I am comfortable with my genitalia - they have always been a part of me and I generally feel positive about them. I do feel that I am beginning to uncover some substantial dysphoria surrounding my breasts. The brain's coping mechanism is an amazing thing - it wasn't until I really thought intentionally and did some journaling about my chest that I realized how much I really despise my breasts. I certainly don't want to rush into anything here, but top surgery is something for which I feel a very strong compulsion, even if I never take any other steps to transition.

So here I am, playing the waiting game. I ordered a binder but it's currently somewhere between New York and where I am. My friend told me to be prepared for some sort of reaction when I see myself in it for the first time - I'm excited, but nervous.

I'm here because I have lots of questions and I am looking for a community of support and understanding. Please introduce yourself! I look forward to meeting you. :)

Also, can anyone tell me how to upload a picture for my avatar? It isn't giving me the option on my edit profile page... 

Hi fightlikeoctopus, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 8720 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

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Janet  )O(

Hi Dave (are you still using that?), welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. We hear a lot of tales about getting stuck in binders, don't panic if it happens! See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 03, 2013, 05:32:25 PM
Hi Dave (are you still using that?), welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. We hear a lot of tales about getting stuck in binders, don't panic if it happens! See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

Hi Devlyn! "Dave" was a short-lived thing because my parents refused to call me anything other than what they had named me (though they were always very supportive of how I chose to present as a child). But thank you for using it - it was a pleasant surprise to hear myself referred to with a "boy" name, though I'm still at this point using my birth name. :)

Where you going to grad school at?

A big warm welcome to the family baby! You will find much support and friendships here. Here is a BIG HUG just for you.  :)

Hi Pam, and welcome :)  I definitely second what your friend said - seeing myself in the mirror as a girl for the first time, even if it was nothing more than a few clothes and letting my hair down, was one of the most powerful emotional events I have ever experienced.  Whenever I doubt myself or this process, I remember the way I felt then, and it keeps me going :laugh:
Let us know how it goes - it's sure to help you figure out what you want and who you want to be, even if it isn't as intense.

Quote from: Darkie on December 05, 2013, 05:04:06 PM
Where you going to grad school at?

Hey Darkie,

I'm at Wake Forest University in NC, pursuing an M.Div (Master of Divinity).

Quote from: Professr on December 05, 2013, 11:48:29 PM
Hi Pam, and welcome :)  I definitely second what your friend said - seeing myself in the mirror as a girl for the first time, even if it was nothing more than a few clothes and letting my hair down, was one of the most powerful emotional events I have ever experienced.  Whenever I doubt myself or this process, I remember the way I felt then, and it keeps me going :laugh:
Let us know how it goes - it's sure to help you figure out what you want and who you want to be, even if it isn't as intense.

Hi Professor!

I got my binder today and wow, I just couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror! I kept trying on all of my shirts to see how I looked in each one, lol. It certainly isn't the most comfortable thing, but when I see myself in it, I look more like how I've always imagined myself. It feels good.  ;D

Keep it up. You're on the right track.

     Dina

Welcome in susan's place :angel: i hope u will met new friends here  :angel:

Welcome to Susan's, Pam. Best to you in your studies.


:)