Getting ready for tomorrow's inspection :P My place is generally clean but I have to give it that extra gleam, and you know how it goes...
You get started and as you're working on one thing you notice something else :P
Having to post in a new thread so it would show up in my "unread posts" page :'(
Watching Harry Potter and realizing I would love a polyuice potion (transforms the drinker into another person)!
I want to be a witch...it is so boring being a muggle!
A strange feeling of emptiness.
And wondering what I am to do Thursday and Friday with my roommate. I plan to dress up for the meeting Thursday night, and after class on Friday I'm going shopping with Shaina, also dressed up, but don't know how I'm going to get past my roommate. Maybe I should just tell him, like I should just tell my mother.
Quote from: Natalia on December 03, 2013, 04:59:18 PM
Watching Harry Potter and realizing I would love a polyuice potion (transforms the drinker into another person)!
I want to be a witch...it is so boring being a muggle!
I'm told that transwomen are sorceresses. Not only can we totally fool someone in the bathroom to thinking our hair is naturally curly when in truth we're wearing a wig, we can also run across the street and up and down stairs, in heels. Or at least, I've done all of those. :D
Migraine. Say no more. :(
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 05:01:52 PM
A strange feeling of emptiness.
And wondering what I am to do Thursday and Friday with my roommate. I plan to dress up for the meeting Thursday night, and after class on Friday I'm going shopping with Shaina, also dressed up, but don't know how I'm going to get past my roommate. Maybe I should just tell him, like I should just tell my mother.
I'm told that transwomen are sorceresses. Not only can we totally fool someone in the bathroom to thinking our hair is naturally curly when in truth we're wearing a wig, we can also run across the street and up and down stairs, in heels. Or at least, I've done all of those. :D
I vote just tell him ;) but I'm sometimes crazy that way...
You are awesome! I haven't touched a high heel yet... not sure how I would, actually -- though I figured out girl walking without them... it came pretty naturally and I have to remind myself I shouldn't do it (too much) at work... especially in skinny jeans.
I'm arranging connectivity for my new house. Basic internet in my area cannot be had for less than US$70/month.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 03, 2013, 05:35:20 PM
I'm arranging connectivity for my new house. Basic internet in my area cannot be had for less than US$70/month.
Look at the bright side, you'll have net for here, yay!
Quote from: kabit on December 03, 2013, 05:22:39 PMI vote just tell him ;) but I'm sometimes crazy that way...
You are awesome! I haven't touched a high heel yet... not sure how I would, actually -- though I figured out girl walking without them... it came pretty naturally and I have to remind myself I shouldn't do it (too much) at work... especially in skinny jeans.
What happens if he doesn't go for it? I'll have to move out right away then, lest I fear for my life at night. And there's only one open space that could suit me (a single or gender neutral floor) and it may be full between being told of it and now. I can't move off campus yet (not until the semester after next) so it's going to be a looooong semester if that happens.
I only have one pair of female shoes, these (http://www.payless.com/store/product/detail.jsp?catId=cat10088&subCatId=cat220004&skuId=134154055&productId=73695&lotId=134154&category=&catdisplayName=Womens) in black. Picked them up on sale for $20. I love them to pieces, and they're very versatile.
I had to go from THIS AWESOMENESS (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,155300.0.html) to my old man purse -- which is still cool, but bulky and masculine. The man bag has always been my thing to one degree or another, but the purse just feels
right. (At least I can re-load it out for the therapist's, tomorrow).
And hey... Kavu stuff is cute, sturdy, and (relatively) cheap. I caught a really good sale w/ that one.
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 06:46:54 PM
What happens if ...
I'm not saying
listen to me!!! ;D
I really freak out at telling people... but at the same time I'm a little bit addicted to it. I've had some really good luck lately (the first people I've told since telling family)... and hope to have luck again soon... but it's tough to tell people sooooo early on....... still, my meds
are coming
soon!
The fact that there is enough unhappiness here to justify another unhappy thread. :(
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 03, 2013, 08:58:34 PM
The fact that there is enough unhappiness here to justify another unhappy thread. :(
The fact that you just added to it by 1 post.
I had a bit of a breakdown last night over my school (chaos) and now I'm exhausted
My blood pressure had gone down to normal, but recently has been coming back up. I imagine I haven't changed much in terms of my high cholesterol either. I was mostly healthier when I was trying to be vegan (lol I didn't replace meat with junk food like a few people I know did). Maybe I should be vegetarian instead since vegan didn't work out.
There is a concert on around my place by someone called Beaver!
Is he related to the monkeys?
Traffic appalling and thousands of pubescent girls and to an hour to get home from work >:(
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 04, 2013, 02:05:29 AM
There is a concert on around my place by someone called Beaver!
Is he related to the monkeys?
Traffic appalling and thousands of pubescent girls and to an hour to get home from work >:(
So put the mini dress on and go scream!!!
Sorry :laugh:
I had a bad dream.
Well this really sucks. Evidently my university never got my high school transcript, so I can't enroll in any classes for next semester. I'm effectively being kicked out because my high school guidance department is stupid.
Today is a late day at my job. One of the few days I get to sleep in and relax without worry. What did I do? Ran out of the house rushing forgetting that I wasn't late and that I had an extra hour. Now I'm waiting for an hour like an idiot. Why did I foolish sacrifice my sleep? Perhaps I need a planner?
Random scar on my arm
Being sick
Couple of days ago I was in a dark place and did something(although not as bad as before) I haven't done in awhile. Suffice to say my arm was itchy.
My good mood got ruined by my second period teacher, stupid school.
Quote from: caleb. on December 04, 2013, 01:19:04 AM
My blood pressure had gone down to normal, but recently has been coming back up. I imagine I haven't changed much in terms of my high cholesterol either. I was mostly healthier when I was trying to be vegan (lol I didn't replace meat with junk food like a few people I know did). Maybe I should be vegetarian instead since vegan didn't work out.
I decided to not cut out meat entirely and just cut out the red meat. So I bought a ton of groceries...I looked up some recipes for this week, but I hate how I can't buy the exact amount of ingredient I need for the recipe. Like milk - I'll end up using only half of it this week probably (I don't drink it alone usually). So I'm not happy about that, but I have to remember that this isn't about that, it's about breaking the bad habits and food choices I've made.
Felt sick for the second time while eating today. I don't think it's the caf food, I'm probably just coming down with something.
Fine time for it, with finals next week.
I remembered that the guy I am attracted to could never be attracted to me or even like me as a friend and that he'd probably be uncomfortable if he knew or anyone else knew I'm attracted to him. I want to be able to talk about him, but can't because most of my friends know him and/or I'm afraid of it somehow getting back to him and him being uncomfortable. Also, I hate talking about touchy feely stuff even though I don't seem to be able to stop.
Quote from: Willow on December 04, 2013, 04:32:20 PM
Felt sick for the second time while eating today. I don't think it's the caf food, I'm probably just coming down with something.
Fine time for it, with finals next week.
I totally read that as "cat food" -- and yeah... it's the cat food. :D
My idiot "friend" is one of the many lining up, waiting to date me after I go full time, and he won't leave me alone, saying I misunderstood him. I don't see how I could. I don't even romantically like the guy, and I barely do as a friend.
A situation at work.
Having a very realistic nightmare.
Actually until now I think a ghost was playing with me...I could feel perfectly something poking me at the center of my back *shivers*
I am with all my lights on and awake since 3 a.m. *cry*
Quote from: Natalia on December 05, 2013, 02:22:46 AM
Having a very realistic nightmare.
Actually until now I think a ghost was playing with me...I could feel perfectly something poking me at the center of my back *shivers*
I am with all my lights on and awake since 3 a.m. *cry*
Beware of snuggly KATs. *hug*
Quote from: LordKAT on December 05, 2013, 02:24:51 AM
Beware of snuggly KATs. *hug*
I would love a KAT nearby, all fluffy and snuggly :) ...but I am holding my favorite teddy bear...and he he told me to not trust fluffy animals...
Another failed test. I tell my doctors that my dysphoria is affecting my academic performance. All that is done is I'm prescribed more antidepressants.
Quote from: Willow on December 03, 2013, 05:01:52 PM
A strange feeling of emptiness.
And wondering what I am to do Thursday and Friday with my roommate. I plan to dress up for the meeting Thursday night, and after class on Friday I'm going shopping with Shaina, also dressed up, but don't know how I'm going to get past my roommate. Maybe I should just tell him, like I should just tell my mother.I'm told that transwomen are sorceresses. Not only can we totally fool someone in the bathroom to thinking our hair is naturally curly when in truth we're wearing a wig, we can also run across the street and up and down stairs, in heels. Or at least, I've done all of those. :D
Hey! My hair
IS naturally curly, thank you very much!
Quote from: Kristal on December 05, 2013, 03:34:12 PM
Hey! My hair IS naturally curly, thank you very much!
It turns out mine is too.
I have curly hair 8)
I didn't like it when I was younger because people would tease me about it and would call me 'Goldilocks' or 'Princess curly-poo' among other names
But I totally dig now :)
"I pity the fool who says that" [ /Mr T ]
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 05, 2013, 06:55:32 PM
Something is bothering me but I don't want to say what because I don't want pity responses and I know I'll likely get that.
♥¡¡OC!!
I keep staying up late on facebook in the hopes D will sign on even though I know I shouldn't bother him too much and don't even end up talking to him half the time.
When I injected today, about a 5th of the shot escaped back out the hole before I could catch it. Siiigh. Ah well. Next time I'll leave the needle in longer and pull out in steps.
Laid out by a migraine, can't even move without a LOT of pain, even typing this hurts.
It's not friday.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 06, 2013, 01:14:54 AM
It's not friday.
For me it is! >:-) seriously though, i thought it is Friday?
Quote from: Xhianil on December 06, 2013, 01:21:51 AM
For me it is! >:-) seriously though, i thought it is Friday?
Not until I go to bed and wake up again.
Being on an express train home from the city before realising I had a dinner with some art associates...in the city. Now on a return train back to the city, a full fifty minutes on trains to go nowhere!
Quote from: LordKAT on December 06, 2013, 01:14:54 AM
It's not friday.
It is Australia! Mwahahaaaa!
Quote from: LordKAT on December 06, 2013, 01:25:57 AM
Not until I go to bed and wake up again.
So why not go to bed? It's 1:29 there right?
Quote from: Xhianil on December 06, 2013, 01:29:36 AM
So why not go to bed? It's 1:29 there right?
Bedtime is about 6 am.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 06, 2013, 01:43:55 AM
Bedtime is about 6 am.
Why if i may ask? Plus it never hurts to catch extra Zs.
It's going to cost $500 for the flight alone to get to the city where I'd need to go to court for a name and gender change request.
The weather, feeling ugly, feeling like I am not getting anywhere and just in general not feeling good.
Trying my best to not just kneel over in pain.
Quote from: Willow on December 06, 2013, 10:34:42 AM
It's going to cost $500 for the flight alone to get to the city where I'd need to go to court for a name and gender change request.
Drive?
Quote from: Xhianil on December 06, 2013, 10:39:53 AMDrive?
No car, and it's all the way from Michigan to Southern California. Way too far to drive. Bus and train would take far longer than I'd actually have to be there.
Quote from: Willow on December 06, 2013, 10:42:10 AM
No car, and it's all the way from Michigan to Southern California. Way too far to drive. Bus and train would take far longer than I'd actually have to be there.
You have to go THAT far? WOW! :o
Quote from: Xhianil on December 06, 2013, 10:44:29 AMYou have to go THAT far? WOW! :o
I was born in California. I have to go to the county where my birth certificate was issued.
Found $350, but it'd still mean getting bus tickets to get to Detroit from here, and from LAX to there.
Quote from: Willow on December 06, 2013, 10:46:20 AM
I was born in California. I have to go to the county where my birth certificate was issued.
Found $350, but it'd still mean getting bus tickets to get to Detroit from here, and from LAX to there.
Look on the bright side then, at least it's one of the easier places to change it!
Very true, very true.
It's $50 round trip for each bus too, so total of $450. It's expensive, but has to be worth it.
Every step to become you is worth it.
Like 15 minutes ago I went into the other bedroom to give my little sister a good-night kiss. My mother was watching some crappy hungarian series on the TV. As I walked in, the actors were just making kinda harsh jokes about a transwoman in the series and my mother was laughing her ass off, then she looked at me and asked "Why do you look so grim?" I just looked at her so she continued "Anyway, I just can't understand these perverted people, these transsexual filth. They are like the jokes of society, don't you think?" Now this is what made me unhappy today.
Just was watching an old episode of NCIS, one of my favourite TV shows, where in this episode, a former Navy officer, who was a transsexual, was suspected of murder in a cold case, but also suspected to have been dead, but in actuality, faked his death to become a woman, in which she lived for three years under a new name, and killed a federal agent who was pursuing an old cold case pertaining to the old him. The references made like "getting your plumbing turned inside out" "she is a he" "he's not a woman yet, the surgery was scheduled for next month in Bangkok" and "tonguing a guy" severely angered me. Not to mention the fact that they used transsexualism as a way to avoid a past crime.
I love the show, I just don't know if I can watch it without feeling contempt anymore.
Can we seriously keep trans people out of crime shows until the writers figure out a plot besides dead prostitute/hiding from prosecution?
Quote from: Kristal on December 06, 2013, 03:44:14 PM
Can we seriously keep trans people out of crime shows until the writers figure out a plot besides dead prostitute/hiding from prosecution?
Well, dunno. I just watched yesterday's Two and a Half Men. It featured a transwoman and - okay, it's a comedy, but still - all that was pointed out is that she used to be a dude and she was... dunno, behaving all manly. It kinda makes a joke on all of us. Just because we have/had a penis... Ehh, whatever, I'm too messed up right now for this.
So you know how, despite passing 100% in the last 6 months, I was scared to believe I was finally being seen as male? Yeah, this morning I looked in the mirror and for the first time thought "I like what I see, I see a guy, I look good."
And I get called f***ing ma'am by a goddamn cashier.
I talked to the nurse who gave me my injection about it. She said that I should focus on the fact that I was happy with the person looking back at me in the mirror, that it is a huge accomplishment and I should focus on what I believe and know to be true about myself, instead of what some random person thinks. And she's right, but it bothers me because I feel like this wouldn't happen were it not for E messing up my life.,
I'm starting to grow facial hair... Looked into the mirror, big mistake... Trying to distract myself to avoid getting too depressed...
Current insurance-$500 deductible, pay 80% for most things after that, cost $200/month.
New insurance as of 1/1/14 -$6350 deductible, pay 100% after that, cost $220/month.
That high of a deductible, why pay insurance.
I went out with a mixed group last night (4 guys, 2 girls and me)... it was fun, but I was blocked from the girl conversation that was going on next to me... partly because it was too loud, partly because the two girls paired off and didn't seem to be accepting new applicants.
To be fair, I was out in as much guy mode as I can muster in that sort of situation -- which isn't to say much.
The 2000 posts/thread limit
*grumble* *grumble* arbitrary restrictions on liberty *grumble*
Woke up with a nasty cold :P
Quote from: Just Gwynne! on December 08, 2013, 12:26:34 PM
The 2000 posts/thread limit
*grumble* *grumble* arbitrary restrictions on liberty *grumble*
*cough* *cough* think bandwidth *cough*
Quote from: V M on December 08, 2013, 04:26:42 PM
Woke up with a nasty cold :P
Chicken soup!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 08, 2013, 04:30:15 PM
*cough* *cough* think bandwidth *cough*
I'm not sure I understand how it would affect bandwidth when a new thread is always started.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 07, 2013, 01:14:49 AM
Current insurance-$500 deductible, pay 80% for most things after that, cost $200/month.
New insurance as of 1/1/14 -$6350 deductible, pay 100% after that, cost $220/month.
That high of a deductible, why pay insurance.
car insurance?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 08, 2013, 04:30:15 PM
*cough* *cough* think bandwidth *cough*
I just posted that as an excuse to add the new thread to my Updated Topics, actually :P
feeling alone today, wishing for a nice talk with someone face to face.
my stupid mouse will not stop double clicking.
I feel alone when I'm with all my trans friends, because I'm the only one that isn't full time, or even on HRT. I feel behind because my attempts at getting HRT are not working, and I refuse to resort to self medding.
Quote from: Willow on December 09, 2013, 01:04:42 AM
I feel alone when I'm with all my trans friends, because I'm the only one that isn't full time, or even on HRT. I feel behind because my attempts at getting HRT are not working, and I refuse to resort to self medding.
they all probably were where you are at one point, dont worry hun.
Quote from: Willow on December 09, 2013, 01:04:42 AM
I feel alone when I'm with all my trans friends, because I'm the only one that isn't full time, or even on HRT. I feel behind because my attempts at getting HRT are not working, and I refuse to resort to self medding.
You do know, all have been where you are; so follow in your own time and lead those behind you. Somewhere in the big wide world, someone is trans without being able to transition.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.camping-expert.com%2Fimages%2Fhug-a-tree.jpg&hash=7440e42a7eea0c3231a48ec17576ebb57fb8778d)
Even trees are huggable.
Quote from: Xhianil on December 09, 2013, 01:07:50 AMthey all probably were where you are at one point, dont worry hun.
Most had to go full time or start self medding before they got HRT. I don't want to do the same.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 09, 2013, 01:12:16 AMYou do know, all have been where you are; so follow in your own time and lead those behind you. Somewhere in the big wide world, someone is trans without being able to transition.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.camping-expert.com%2Fimages%2Fhug-a-tree.jpg&hash=7440e42a7eea0c3231a48ec17576ebb57fb8778d)
Even trees are huggable.
Not all are being held back.
You are right, not all are being held back. Some are being killed for stating their needs.
Quote from: Willow on December 09, 2013, 01:23:02 AM
Most had to go full time or start self medding before they got HRT. I don't want to do the same.
*glare* self medding is not overly bad, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Hi friends :police:
Do we need a rule 8 reminder?
Quote8. The discussion of hormone replacement therapy(HRT) and it's medications are permitted, with the following limitations:
A. You may not advocate for or against a specific medication or combinations of medication for personal gain. This is strictly prohibited.
B. You may not discuss the means to acquire HRT medications without a prescription. The discussion of self medication without a doctors supervision is prohibited.
C. The discussion of recommended or actual dosages is strongly discouraged to prevent information obtained on this site from being used to self medicate.
We can not in good conscience condone the self administering of these medications. Not only may self medication be illegal, but HRT medications can cause serious health problems, and many have the potential for life-threatening side effects that can only be detected and prevented with proper medical supervision.
Let's try to keep the site rules in mind please
Thank you
V M
Quote from: Xhianil on December 09, 2013, 01:46:10 AM
*glare* self medding is not overly bad, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
It can fill a need...
...but is still illegal.
I'm not trying to start a fight... but I would never, ever self med myself and can support others who feel the same way. I wouldn't tell anyone not to do it, either.
got a bump on my arm and it's irritating me when I lean down to play my video game :/
tired, have to get up in a hour, no sleep at all...
Quote from: LordKAT on December 09, 2013, 01:12:16 AM
You do know, all have been where you are; so follow in your own time and lead those behind you. Somewhere in the big wide world, someone is trans without being able to transition.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.camping-expert.com%2Fimages%2Fhug-a-tree.jpg&hash=7440e42a7eea0c3231a48ec17576ebb57fb8778d)
Even trees are huggable.
This is true. Try going out and actually hugging a tree. You'll feel better.
I do not allow insulting comments to staff.
Important test this morning, but fora clad that won't count for anything butGPA.
back to the daily grind...
It is still winter.
If it gets any colder here in the office I won't need to worry about SRS!
I needed a 96% on the final to pass the class. When I opened the test, I forgot how to calculus. I left half the answers blank because I had no idea what I was doing.
Time to search for a new major.
I'm getting paranoid with the job thing. If I don't manage to find a new job and get suporn SRS, I'd have to go with healthcare paid SRS via penile inversion. Then athropy can be a major issue, so now I'm thinking about how to pull an on demand erection for maintenance purposes...
Damn, this is so difficult. I can't find anything to get me in enough mood, plus the cold...
I need a good cry, but i am not able to somehow. Must be the Zoloft or the depression.
i wonder if my dad knows how much i miss him despite his behavior.
I'm regretting not heating up my sandwich for longer. When I ate it, it was lukewarm, and it wasn't as tasty as the sandwich I ate earlier so I consider that wasted calories. -sigh- Hopefully, tommorrow's sandwich will be warmed up better.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 09, 2013, 04:18:38 PM
I need a good cry, but i am not able to somehow. Must be the Zoloft or the depression.
I had that last week... the tears finally came out this weekend. :'(
Happy/sad are the best sort of tears. ♥
I've been on T for two months and my voice still hasn't changed at all. My throat hurts though.
An end-user becoming belligerent and failing to understand that a non-standard Android ROM can indeed cause apps to install, function, and perform in unpredictable ways. You can't simply install whatever OS you want think everything will function the way you want it to.
Finding out that one of my high school classmates died in August. He was a really good guy and liked to make people laugh.
Quote from: Willow on December 09, 2013, 11:15:05 AM
I needed a 96% on the final to pass the class. When I opened the test, I forgot how to calculus. I left half the answers blank because I had no idea what I was doing.
Time to search for a new major.
Do you suffer from test anxiety? This sounds like it to a certain degree. Personally, I had best luck by never studying for a test and just sleep and eat breakfast. I know not all people can do that.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 10, 2013, 12:42:35 AM
Do you suffer from test anxiety? This sounds like it to a certain degree. Personally, I had best luck by never studying for a test and just sleep and eat breakfast. I know not all people can do that.
i agree with KAT, somethings not right there, anxiety is likely. i need a good day to do well on a test, otherwise im too drained to do much.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 10, 2013, 12:42:35 AMDo you suffer from test anxiety? This sounds like it to a certain degree. Personally, I had best luck by never studying for a test and just sleep and eat breakfast. I know not all people can do that.
It's posible, quite possible. I didn't study for AP chem and got 5 on it, bt did study for AP gov, and got a 2. Maybe I should just let my mind do the thinking on the test now.
So far my facebook coming out is going well, except for my old best friend from Florida. I think he feels betrayed that I never told him. I liked him, I don't want to lose his friendship.
Quote from: Willow on December 10, 2013, 09:39:39 AM
So far my facebook coming out is going well, except for my old best friend from Florida. I think he feels betrayed that I never told him. I liked him, I don't want to lose his friendship.
Tell him your telling him now, and you were scared to tell anyone.
I dreamed that my ex-wife was getting back together with me.
Quote from: Xhianil on December 10, 2013, 09:58:01 AMTell him your telling him now, and you were scared to tell anyone.
I did tell him that.
I just fear his religion might cloud his judgement.
Quote from: kabit on December 09, 2013, 04:38:57 PM
I had that last week... the tears finally came out this weekend. :'(
Happy/sad are the best sort of tears. ♥
i had one too. i miss my dad. it's making my life hell.
Quote from: Willow on December 10, 2013, 10:20:34 AM
I did tell him that.
I just fear his religion might cloud his judgement.
I'm rooting for ya willow, but if he can't accept you then its his loss.
my throat hurts
my ears too
Nerves are jangling very, very loudly. I drafted up an email to my mother, edited from my email to my sister (I assume she never got it.) I can't press the send button. I want to, I just can't.
found some old pics of my dog on my old phone... i miss her so much, i just want to break down and cry right now..
Quote from: Willow on December 10, 2013, 05:09:19 PM
Nerves are jangling very, very loudly. I drafted up an email to my mother, edited from my email to my sister (I assume she never got it.) I can't press the send button. I want to, I just can't.
I understand. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Quote from: Constance on December 10, 2013, 10:18:58 PMI understand. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Well I did it. She forwarded it right to my dad, thinking it was malicious and someone hijacked my email. He called me about it, I said yes, it was true. He said it was a surprise, but he still loves me as a son (pause) or daughter. And he only used my name once with me, other than that, it was my birthname. I assume that was all because it's all new to him, but it still hurt a little, but some hurt in all this was expected.
HUGS Willow.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 10, 2013, 11:22:11 PM
This message:
This made me unhappy! That's just not okay, I hope you reported it or something!
Had a visit to the hospital last night due to having two seizures in quick succession after 12 years of none. Now I can't drive until I see my neurologist and feel like I was hit by a truck.
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on December 11, 2013, 03:25:53 AM
Had a visit to the hospital last night due to having two seizures in quick succession after 12 years of none. Now I can't drive until I see my neurologist and feel like I was hit by a truck.
Big hugs... I hope you're okay and get to feeling better soon
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 10, 2013, 11:22:11 PM
This message:
That just goes to show that getting rid of your penis can't stop making you be a royal dick. :D
REALLY hope you reported them!
♥ OC!!!
Quote from: V M on December 11, 2013, 03:35:12 AM
Big hugs... I hope you're okay and get to feeling better soon
Thanks V M, getting there.
I am a little worried. I'm off this week because I'm supposed to be transferred into a new position at my job. It's a better position and all, but hr is taking it's time and I have to wait until I get cleared to start. I'm getting worried that it may be more than a week like I originally thought. Oh well, even if it's a month wait, I'll survive. Sucks about the money but a break isnt bad. Besides, my boss gave me assurance that the job is mine and no one else will have it. I guess I should call. It's just after a long run in with unemployment I'm terrified of any remote possibility of having to go through with that again. Eh.....
Being called "mister" at the restaurant.
I'm still going out as a guy and the poeple around me just say it to be polite but.. damn it hurts me to ear that.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 10, 2013, 11:22:11 PM
This message:
Big hug! Don't let that guy bother you. What a steaming pile. Hugs, Devlyn
Windchill -34F
Quote from: kasika on December 11, 2013, 11:32:44 AM
Being called "mister" at the restaurant.
I'm still going out as a guy and the poeple around me just say it to be polite but.. damn it hurts me to ear that.
that happened to me tonight too...
feels bad...
I just broke a guitar string while attempting to tune it to Open D. It was going really well and then along comes that awful sound. There goes outlet no.1 for at least the rest of this year.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on December 11, 2013, 12:21:34 PM
that happened to me tonight too...
feels bad...
Misgendering has become rare for me, but now and again and it happens and it always stings. :( I feel so bad whenever I hear about it happening to others because for me, it really throws me off balance for a little bit.
meh , im currently boy mode out most of the time...but really feminine , i thought that this would disencourage people from calling me sir,,,but i was wrong XD
It's that time of the month. :/
I feel like I havnt accomplished much this month and in some ways a setback compared to a month ago.
My mom brought the wrong type of pizza.
Lonely
Big hug! Wanna sit with me on the Group W Bench? :laugh: Hugs, Devlyn
I drove myself to a panic attack on the bus. I managed to calm myself down though. I was thinking about saving for my chest surgery, and how when I move into a new job there's a chance I might be spotted as trans or read as female...and thus "forced" to work as a woman (frankly, when people know of my history, they see me as a woman still even if they try to be supportive)...and I just...I couldn't take it. I started thinking horrible things like "I'll have to sell my body if I am ever going to have enough to support myself and pay for surgery."
Thankfully I had a friend with me and she saw that I was starting to have the panic attack. We got off at the next stop and stopped in a park, and I told her what I was thinking and feeling, and she brought me back down to earth. I'm not going to have to sell my body lol. But I am going to have to find a way to help out my dysphoria. I'm going to try to grow out my beard again even though it's kinda thin.
My sister's best friend is getting a divorce.
This makes me sad. I hate divorces.
I'm trying so hard to explain what transgender is, why I am, and how I'm still the same ol' me, just in a different gender and name, to my friend, but he's just not understanding, and keeps throwing bible verses at me that just say "God is your friend, listen to him" and not actually giving me any solid evidence that being transgender is sinful.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 12, 2013, 01:29:48 PM
Big hug! Wanna sit with me on the Group W Bench? :laugh: Hugs, Devlyn
What's the group W bench?
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 12, 2013, 07:16:35 PM
What's the group W bench?
From Arlo Guthries song Alice's Restaurant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM)
The bit about group w bench is at 10:35 in the song, but the whole song is worth listening to if you've never heard it.
Precisely. And since I missed Alice's Restaurant on the radio this Thanksgiving, thank you. I shall now indulge! :)
Quote from: Willow on December 12, 2013, 05:04:15 PM
I'm trying so hard to explain what transgender is, why I am, and how I'm still the same ol' me, just in a different gender and name, to my friend, but he's just not understanding, and keeps throwing bible verses at me that just say "God is your friend, listen to him" and not actually giving me any solid evidence that being transgender is sinful.
I'd say something to the effect of this:
"You believe that your religious beliefs preclude your acceptance of me. I can accept that on the condition that you remove that religious hat when you interact with me. If we can establish our friendship as a faith-free zone, there should be no barrier."
Looks like I don't have room in my suitcase for packing a ser of female clothing for at least one day. The only possible solution is to go as female for the whole trip save for the job interview, but I don't feel strong enough for doing the whole trip like that. damn... What to do...
All of my problems steem from the issue of having to wear two coats. too much space in the case, not to mention boots and shoes... What can I do... Damn.
Are you flying? If so could you put an extra outfit inside a backpack and just keep it on your person? I had trouble fitting all my clothes into a suitcase for one trip, so I kept a backpack on my person and rolled up an outfit real tight in there.
Quote from: caleb. on December 13, 2013, 10:47:44 AM
Are you flying? If so could you put an extra outfit inside a backpack and just keep it on your person? I had trouble fitting all my clothes into a suitcase for one trip, so I kept a backpack on my person and rolled up an outfit real tight in there.
Nah. No matter what I do, More things appear and I can't fit two coats (wearing one, the other in the suitcase). My backpack is already filled to the top with the documents, electronics, IDs, paperwork I will be studying during the flight and food. But the damned footwear. if it was not that I could fit pressed converses, but between the moccasins and boots, there is no rum for everything. Clothing in itself is not an issue, but the things that can't be compressed are...
I already resigned to travel as male, but I wanted to at least go out as myself for lunch breaks (Interview is on monday at 9:45, but I plan to lock myself in the hotel room for most of the sunday preparing myself). Still trying to fit things, but the time I have left is fairly limited. If I could plan this with more time in advance... I have 4 hours before going to bet at 11:00, and I wake up at 4:30 to get in time to the airport. The more I load, the slower I'll move in the 25 minutes walk I need to do with the stuff until I reach the bus station.
Very unhappy. I was just fine being dressed 24/7 and just chilling, and then my uncle calls, and he's in town and wants to take me to dinner. I have to undress :(
Had a mini check up today and got dysphoric when the lady asked when was the last time I had a period and I had to tell her how I was on my period now. :/
Quote from: Willow on December 13, 2013, 07:25:26 PM
Very unhappy. I was just fine being dressed 24/7 and just chilling, and then my uncle calls, and he's in town and wants to take me to dinner. I have to undress :(
on the plus side, great time to break the news (not that its bad news) and you can always change back after.
Quote from: Xhianil on December 14, 2013, 12:46:05 AMon the plus side, great time to break the news (not that its bad news) and you can always change back after.
Would rather not.
I missed my appointment this morning. I'm a stupid idiot who can't wake up on time. Can't get in until I get back.
Regarding fitting stuff in a suitcase: Never fold it. Roll your clothes. Much more space efficient.
I have the opposite problem, too little stuff to pack in a suitcase too big. So I'll bring my dSLR I think, along with a bunch of Christmas presents and unneccessary things just to fill it.. otherwise things will jump around inside it :<
The cold split a pipe in the cellar. Now I have to play Dev the plumber.
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on December 14, 2013, 08:58:19 AM
Regarding fitting stuff in a suitcase: Never fold it. Roll your clothes. Much more space efficient.
I have the opposite problem, too little stuff to pack in a suitcase too big. So I'll bring my dSLR I think, along with a bunch of Christmas presents and unneccessary things just to fill it.. otherwise things will jump around inside it :<
I had that problem on travel... needed to bring computers and use a medium sized rolling carry-on for that... but I didn't need the rest of the room... ended up bringing Berry (my VT Teddy Bear ;)) as padding. She likes Hiltons! My checked bag is also way too big... but that's OK - it gets checked anyway: I'm not constantly trying to fit it in overhead compartments with people's jackets and crap in the way.
This is a pretty good unhappy, btw... there was a jerk on the plane. The overhead spots were all filled... and I had my bag with the computer equipment. The attendant was trying to move some things around and this guy got really pissed when she tried to move his coat and briefcase next to another briefcase in the compartment directly over his head. The stewardess was really nice about it until he really started talking back. He even claimed he couldn't
hold his coat because of his prosthetic leg.
Meanwhile, I'm just standing there waiting for the inane argument to end... I got lots of sympathetic looks... but it was all really just full of awkwardness for me. Clearly the guy had other problems and was taking it out on the stewardess.
Oh... and another one - though more annoyance than unhappy...
Where's my endo letter, already?! My therapist said he'd e-mail me a copy when he finished (this was just before Thanksgiving... so two and a half weeks now)!
I'm just getting antsy, since Christmas (and my endo appointment) are right around the corner!!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 14, 2013, 09:45:16 AM
The cold split a pipe in the cellar. Now I have to play Dev the plumber.
better to play the plumber than pay the plumber!
Quote from: kabit on December 14, 2013, 01:51:36 PM
Oh... and another one - though more annoyance than unhappy...
Where's my endo letter, already?! My therapist said he'd e-mail me a copy when he finished (this was just before Thanksgiving... so two and a half weeks now)!
I'm just getting antsy, since Christmas (and my endo appointment) are right around the corner!!
Well, get on'em and crack that whip, Ryo-Ohki!
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 14, 2013, 01:59:46 PM
Well, get on'em and crack that whip, Ryo-Ohki!
LOL! I see him Wednesday... so I will give him the weekend.
Quote from: kabit on December 14, 2013, 02:06:23 PM
LOL! I see him Wednesday... so I will give him the weekend.
Cool. *hands you a carrot*
My father is making me drive....
Work. Work has made me very unhappy this month. It has been very difficult to sell cars this month. Unreasonable consumers.
Quote from: kabit on December 14, 2013, 03:53:07 PM
Is "carrot" code for estradiol? ;)
:D Nope. Sorry. This is just a regular carrot.
My brother continues to be completely irresponsible. He didn't get his bird's wings clipped, and I go upstairs, someone left the back door open, and the bird is missing. Can't find it in the house, can't find it in the yard...that's a $400 bird that will probably freeze to death.
If I get blamed for this somehow, people gon' get cut.
wow my brother did the exact same thing like 5 years ago,,,he forgot to close the parrots cage and our parrot left >:(
thats why I became trans....lol joke...
what made me unhappy today is that I went out with my guy friends and for some reason through out the night I felt that I dont belong with them , sad feeling,,,i dont know i feel generally sad...
Quote from: FalsePrincess on December 14, 2013, 05:41:06 PM
wow my brother did the exact same thing like 5 years ago,,,he forgot to close the parrots cage and our parrot left >:(
thats why I became trans....lol joke...
what made me unhappy today is that I went out with my guy friends and for some reason through out the night I felt that I dont belong with them , sad feeling,,,i dont know i feel generally sad...
At least your still in a joking mood. I thought that was hilarious
My son told me that he feels uncomfortable every time he speaks to me because of "the transgender thing." :-\
Being stuck in Adelaide..
Hold on, Melbourne, I'm coming back..
Was feeling tired so I went to bed but now I can't sleep :P
this is one of the few things ive done all days because of a HUGE migraine, haven't been able to even get up to eat.
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 14, 2013, 04:07:50 PM
:D Nope. Sorry. This is just a regular carrot.
Well... the carrot worked!
My therapist e-mailed me today with a link he found about coming out at work.
I e-mailed him and told him I already spoke with my supervisor... and asked about the letter.
The rest goes in the happy thread ;D
My mentor, the person who is most responsible for my successful transition, who answered all my questions, validated my feelings, and sat patiently listening to my fears, hopes and experiences, no longer wants any contact with me.
She sent me a message via her girlfriend that she can't stand the fact that I'm scheduled for surgery while she can't afford it.
My sister dropped oil on my shirt at church today and it won't come out.
My other sister doesn't want to braid my hair today and knowing her, I doubt she will ever get to it
Because I was only one of two people at security at the airport, I got the part down treatment.
It's 35 minutes until the flight is supposed to leave and the plane isn't here yet.
Have little hope for the future and have been feeling like I am on the verge of tears(not sure why) for the last two or so hours.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 15, 2013, 01:17:03 PM
My mentor, the person who is most responsible for my successful transition, who answered all my questions, validated my feelings, and sat patiently listening to my fears, hopes and experiences, no longer wants any contact with me.
She sent me a message via her girlfriend that she can't stand the fact that I'm scheduled for surgery while she can't afford it.
I think that is so sad. I mean, I understand her pain related to surgery - but it's no reason to cut someone out of your life.
Fuming. I was never tolerant at immaturity at the best of times.
People asking me the same question twice in the same conversation and acting as if I hadn't already explained it (also in the same conversation).
Dysphoria. My body sucks.
Sorry Suzi. Illogical people. Bah!
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT THE NEW SEASON OF THE BIG BANG THEORY STARTED 3 MONTHS AGO???
God. -_- I must have been so wrapped up in my teaching. I am so far behind. Yes, that is the worst of my problems today, I guess I am a lucky one atm.
Mom is talking to me again. But only through text, she doesn't pick up if I call.
Quote from: caleb. on December 15, 2013, 06:37:48 PM
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT THE NEW SEASON OF THE BIG BANG THEORY STARTED 3 MONTHS AGO???
God. -_- I must have been so wrapped up in my teaching. I am so far behind. Yes, that is the worst of my problems today, I guess I am a lucky one atm.
Meh. The first episode of the season really annoyed me and I stopped watching. There was estrogen involved... basically an old gag that goes against any actual science. The show was good when they paid attention to science... not ignored it for a flat funny.
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on December 15, 2013, 07:55:50 PM
Having my status as a woman questioned, here at Susan's of all places.. :(
I trust you reported this. >:(
Still angry about that oil my sister dropped on my shirt.... -growls-
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 15, 2013, 01:17:03 PM
My mentor, the person who is most responsible for my successful transition, who answered all my questions, validated my feelings, and sat patiently listening to my fears, hopes and experiences, no longer wants any contact with me.
She sent me a message via her girlfriend that she can't stand the fact that I'm scheduled for surgery while she can't afford it.
That has to hurt. I get down about the same situation but I would not cancel a friendship over it. I'm happy that those who can get it done, do.
Quote from: Kelly the Post-Trans-Rebel on December 15, 2013, 08:41:12 PM
Indeed I did..
Actually it called in to question all non-op women here..
This seems to be an emerging pattern :(
I'm non-op and I'm proud.
Quote from: EstroGwynne on December 15, 2013, 08:43:59 PM
This seems to be an emerging pattern :(
I'm non-op and I'm proud.
A disturbing pattern.
I might be non-op (I reserve the right to decide after a decently long time on HRT).
I have been non-HRT (soon, not).
I not only consider myself as female since coming OOTC (Aug 5th, 2013),
but I also consider myself as having always been female...
...with socio-psychological issues based on my upbringing as male.
Screw anyone who thinks otherwise :P I'm me and only I can say who that "me" is!
Relax friends :)
Although such things do occur from time to time, this turned out to be a simple misunderstanding between members that has been rectified
Time to move forward
Thank you
V M
I'm just having one of those days where every slightest little sad thing is making me cry and I can't stop.
Ever have one of those days where you think you might have hurt a stuffed animal's feelings?
the site i am going to start doing commissions has been down for 3 days (give or take) so i cant set it up! i need some money for extra foodz!
My stupid sister broke my 8GB MICRO SD card, now I have no music and have lost everything on it! Worst of all she's gonna get away with no punishment, again... At this point it seems like she enjoys breaking my stuff, after my phone (twice), my expensive hard drive, my flash drive, my PC, and several other asorted things of mine...
Still no word from my endo. I wonder if it will be too much of a problem if I miss a shot or two. I have no idea when I will hear back.
Quote from: Edge on December 16, 2013, 12:56:06 PM
Still no word from my endo. I wonder if it will be too much of a problem if I miss a shot or two. I have no idea when I will hear back.
Just FYI, you might feel like total crap. If that does happen, don't let it get to your head! When I was without T I went to a bad place and I had to keep reminding myself that it was just hormonal.
Quote from: caleb. on December 16, 2013, 01:13:53 PM
Just FYI, you might feel like total crap. If that does happen, don't let it get to your head! When I was without T I went to a bad place and I had to keep reminding myself that it was just hormonal.
Thanks for the warning.
Mom just keeps referring to me as "my boy"
Quote from: Edge on December 16, 2013, 01:36:17 PM
Thanks for the warning.
I'm not trying to forecast doom and gloom because I really hope that isn't the case. I just remember wishing I had known that the bad feelings I had were entirely temporary.
Nah. I really do appreciate the warning.
I have until Friday to pack up and move!! Landlord evicted the whole building.
Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 16, 2013, 04:39:13 PM
I have until Friday to pack up and move!! Landlord evicted the whole building.
That really sucks.
Are they selling the property?
Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 16, 2013, 04:39:13 PM
I have until Friday to pack up and move!! Landlord evicted the whole building.
Doesn't sound like they gave you much notice. You should look into tenant protection laws.
This. (http://www.examiner.com/article/seeking-justice-for-horrific-cruelty-death-of-vucko) WARNING! GRAPHIC!
Somehow my facebook feed started showing the posts of someone dedicated to the cause of companion animal cruelty and I have not slept well since. A German shepherd dog in Bosnia had half his face blown off by two cruel teens and wandered around in horrible pain for 5 days afterward. I haven't been able to sleep since I saw this. I'm so sickened by this and other horrible stories of animal cruelty (many happening right here in the US and even in so called 'animal shelters') that I'm not even sure I can stand to be human anymore.
Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 16, 2013, 04:39:13 PM
I have until Friday to pack up and move!! Landlord evicted the whole building.
What makes me unhappy is that there's nothing I can do to help, because I'm stuck in stupid Canada.
Quote from: FA on December 16, 2013, 05:14:15 PM
This. (http://www.examiner.com/article/seeking-justice-for-horrific-cruelty-death-of-vucko) WARNING! GRAPHIC!
Somehow my facebook feed started showing the posts of someone dedicated to the cause of companion animal cruelty and I have not slept well since. A German shepherd dog in Bosnia had half his face blown off by two cruel teens and wandered around in horrible pain for 5 days afterward. I haven't been able to sleep since I saw this. I'm so sickened by this and other horrible stories of animal cruelty (many happening right here in the US and even in so called 'animal shelters') that I'm not even sure I can stand to be human anymore.
I know the feeling, I can't understand why anyone would harm an animal. It just...seems incomprehensible.
Quote from: caleb. on December 16, 2013, 05:26:24 PM
What makes me unhappy is that there's nothing I can do to help, because I'm stuck in stupid Canada.
I didn't know you were in stupid Canada! :-\
My mother being super drunk today when my sister was braiding my hair. She was being super loud and controlling that it was even geting on my nephew's nerves. My sister told me that is why she and my other sister hardly comes over and that she really feels for me since I live over here.
Stopping HRT day #01, first of the week. I 'be been literally in shock during the last week with little time to thing about everything, and now that I'm back to my daily fight, GID has come back to bite me In the ass. Oh, and I don't want to think about the next days will be, I already have my box of androcur with me, but I can't start with it until I get a new baseline blood test after the system cleanup.
I need to ask the at the utig if they can give me just the BA without waiting forhealthcare covered SRS. Would be kinda nice, and avoid making me go back to guy mode.
Quote from: EstroGwynne on December 16, 2013, 05:39:56 PM
I didn't know you were in stupid Canada! :-\
Looks wet. (https://maps.google.com/maps?q=stupid,+canada&hl=en&sll=41.557317,-71.497914&sspn=1.255719,2.150574&t=h&hnear=Stupid+Lake&z=14&iwloc=A)
It's 0215, even with the lay in of work commitments to me tomorrow I'll still only get 6 1/2 hours sleep, if I went to sleep right now. Except I can't sleep, and haven't been sleeping properly for weeks. I tried sleeping earlier and all my mind could settle on was what would have happened if I'd walked into my room earlier when they were still having a conversation about "sex changes" and if I'd found them being transphobic. I have no reason to believe they were saying anything at all transphobic, especially as the girl who knows about me was there. She probably initiated it to test the waters for me.
In reality I know it's just my brain taunting me with the knowledge that I'd lash out and then drink it away in a situation like that. Except then I'd lose my job, my home and my girlfriend. I'm truly terrified that I'll wind up an alcoholic one day, even though I barely drink. If I could access it I would. I don't know how to survive being stuck with the thing that damages my mental health all day, (ie me).
F-ing incompetent internet/phone company stopped auto withdrawing my payments and the bill built up without me knowing, haphazard arrival of invoices and then when I paid the bill they put it on the wrong account(that one is in credit now) and won't fix their stuff up so now I owe more.
I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.
I'm also very jealous of my sister, who is on her third boyfriend.
Quote from: Willow on December 16, 2013, 08:49:56 PM
I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.
]
I think that's part of the denial process. My family was like that for 3 years. I "gave them time" as they requested whenever the topic came up, but after 3 years of "time" I finally had to start breaking their denial and confronting it head on.
Quote from: Willow on December 16, 2013, 08:49:56 PM
I'm not treated like me. It's like my mother has completely forgotten about my email and just treats me like I always was, not like how I want to be treated, even though I thought I was giving even more to her.
I'm also very jealous of my sister, who is on her third boyfriend.
I'm so sorry hun!
You are a remarkably wonderful woman and I hope your family comes to realize it one day. Also its not about the number of partners you have but the quality of the relationships.
Quote from: caleb. on December 16, 2013, 10:06:50 PM
I think that's part of the denial process. My family was like that for 3 years. I "gave them time" as they requested whenever the topic came up, but after 3 years of "time" I finally had to start breaking their denial and confronting it head on.
I just hope I'm not forced to go to church in clothes I don't want. I already am not thrilled of going to church at all, the only way I'll do it is in my dress, I've determined. But according to the way mom is acting, said dress doesn't exist.
Quote from: Shaina on December 16, 2013, 10:56:22 PMI'm so sorry hun!
You are a remarkably wonderful woman and I hope your family comes to realize it one day. Also its not about the number of partners you have but the quality of the relationships.
Maybe it will get better when dad gets in on Saturday.
I don't care about her number, just that she can do it. I never had the chance, and won't for a while. The words girlfriend and boyfriend weren't in my vocabulary, and still aren't. I don't even know how to negotiate a relationship, set one up, anything. This gives her more experience in something that is normally a "coming of age" event, that I never had.
It's been 17 hours since my last HRT dosage and I am getting quite GID angsty already . And I still have 14 days in front of me. Also, I don't understand why I had to have a libido boost to "release steam" levels right before this. The first two days were quite fun, but I'm getting my genital dysphoria back.
So my hiatus from work continues. Apparently, there is a hiring freeze and my transfer/promotion needs to be approved by the higher ups. They will only hire if it's deemed necessary to fill the position (which it is because it's a really busy medical practice). The office manager in charge told me that things should be okay because they need to fill that position, but it appears that I may not start until the beginning of January and that's if the company heads approve. Otherwise, it may be a longer wait. My original position was temp, so I'm on the sidelines until this gets sorted out. Sucks.
Everything is compounding and it all seems to be my fault foe making it worse. Nobody is saying it is, it just feels like it. Dad has been given his new orders, and has 7 days to accept the transfer, or submit his retirement papers. He and mom are at each other's throats again and are looking at divorce, again. This may not have been the best time to come out after all.
Quote from: Willow on December 17, 2013, 12:41:07 PM
Everything is compounding and it all seems to be my fault foe making it worse. Nobody is saying it is, it just feels like it. Dad has been given his new orders, and has 7 days to accept the transfer, or submit his retirement papers. He and mom are at each other's throats again and are looking at divorce, again. This may not have been the best time to come out after all.
There is never a best time. You are not responsible for your parents actions or reactions. The issues they have seem to have been around for quite a while and they would be arguing/fighting whether or not you said anything. Be glad that it is done and not hanging over your head as it would be if you hadn't.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 18, 2013, 01:35:41 AM
There is never a best time. You are not responsible for your parents actions or reactions. The issues they have seem to have been around for quite a while and they would be arguing/fighting whether or not you said anything. Be glad that it is done and not hanging over your head as it would be if you hadn't.
♥ ~ There is so much truth in this. My timing was terrible for some other people. I was sorry about it, but others' issues don't take precedence over my own. I came out 6-12 months after my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer ~ he has been in remission for over a year now and is doing great. Shortly after I came out, my mother's cousin died (relatively young and suddenly, I think it was a heart problem). It was too much for them to handle, but they made their own problems worse by their reaction ~ I didn't make it worse because of who I am.
It is funny. My parents and siblings (aside from my brother and his wife ~ though he still gets really nervous when I tell him anything) took it hard and fought back. My in-laws still appear to like me and treat me pretty normally. My wife is somewhere in between, but that's understandable (and she's really amazingly supportive in her way). Unfortunately it will mostly be my wife who controls whether I will remain a part of that family. Fortunately there's hope there too.
Winterfell has literally came out of my fridge. I nearly have double the capacity now, and judging some of the things attached to the ice chunks, a good deal of the ice predates me.
I accidently stepped a Cheerio that had fell from my cereal. :/ It's totally uneatable now because it's RUINED! Wasted money....and I didn't even buy them. I feel bad. :(
Yes, I am seriously complaining about that. It's a slow morning.
Net was down last night.
i had some mental issues lately (with my Aspergers). I'm relapsing to how bad it was before i went into therapy for it. All those years for nothing?
Have to go to work, just got some more bills I can't pay and meds I can't afford.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 18, 2013, 12:19:26 PM
i had some mental issues lately (with my Aspergers). I'm relapsing to how bad it was before i went into therapy for it. All those years for nothing?
Hardly! Everyone takes a few steps back some times. The most important thing is that you use what you learned in therapy to get back to a better place. It won't take nearly as long because I think of these things as riding a bike. You never truly forget.
Dysphoria took away my strength to get out of bed for over six hours. It's a good thingi don't have anything important to do today.
Quote from: Willow on December 18, 2013, 02:18:55 PM
Dysphoria took away my strength to get out of bed for over six hours. It's a good thingi don't have anything important to do today.
I am so sorry to hear that! I know that Caleb has been dealing with something similar today. He got out of bed but he doesn't feel up to going out to the store or anything like that.
It must be the day for it. Mine has been bad, though not debilitating thank god.
The hormonal dysphoria has been hiding lately... now it wants to "play" again before \/ \/ \/
Quote from: kabit on December 18, 2013, 05:18:17 PMIt must be the day for it. Mine has been bad, though not debilitating thank god.
Tis' the season, they say. Indeed it is for me.
I only feel it right to ask for permission from my parents, considering I'm still on their insurance, to start HRT, but it could take months, years, for them to understand enough to accept me as me.
Nothing in the world would make me happier than them saying "I approve of this, go ahead and transition." Not all the presents under the Christmas tree, nor any that don't fit. Not even my desire to own my own jet is as strong as the desire to be accepted as a woman by my family. I'd much rather have the latter than the former, that can come later, if ever.
Quote from: Willow on December 18, 2013, 09:27:59 PM
Tis' the season, they say. Indeed it is for me.
I only feel it right to ask for permission from my parents, considering I'm still on their insurance, to start HRT, but it could take months, years, for them to understand enough to accept me as me.
Nothing in the world would make me happier than them saying "I approve of this, go ahead and transition." Not all the presents under the Christmas tree, nor any that don't fit. Not even my desire to own my own jet is as strong as the desire to be accepted as a woman by my family. I'd much rather have the latter than the former, that can come later, if ever.
It's all I want for Christmas. I'm afraid I'll be disappointed on Christmas day, but you never know!
I couldn't care less about the physical stuff. This Christmas is different...
all I want is love and acceptance. It's an expensive gift... My wife loves me and appears to accept me, or at least she's incredibly supportive, but I want her to be OK with me sticking around permanently. Most of my family does not accept me as I am; they are incredibly nervous and touchy around me and I suppose I am around them. I want that to end and acceptance to begin... but I think it will be years, yet. My wife's family is great, though. There are some awkward times, but for the most part I'm treated normally -- which is all I really want. My MIL is just cool ~ she talks to me about all kinds of stuff. One SIL is the same... only closer to my age and with kids around my kids' ages. I have yet to have a problem with her.
Tolerance and acceptance are different... perhaps my in-laws are only tolerating me, but at least they're tolerating me. Most of my family, aside from my brother and his wife, aren't even tolerant of me right now. They're trying... but they need to fix their problems with me and that's not something I can really help with... and my brother will be away this Christmas (his wife's family lives some hours away).
So Christmas should be a blaaast... At least I'm looking forward to visiting with my in laws ~ which is where the bulk of it will be!
There's a glitch in GTA V: Online that makes my character appear to have some sort of weird looking flat braids and no matter how many times I change his hair style, those weird looking braids are still there, along with the hair style I chose so I chose chose a black mohawk because I thought that was pretty look looking and I've actually wanted a braids with a mohawk before. Nevertheless, I wish this was fixed and I attribute this glitch to "patch" 1.08.
Quote from: Willow on December 18, 2013, 09:27:59 PM
Tis' the season, they say. Indeed it is for me.
I only feel it right to ask for permission from my parents, considering I'm still on their insurance, to start HRT, but it could take months, years, for them to understand enough to accept me as me.
Nothing in the world would make me happier than them saying "I approve of this, go ahead and transition." Not all the presents under the Christmas tree, nor any that don't fit. Not even my desire to own my own jet is as strong as the desire to be accepted as a woman by my family. I'd much rather have the latter than the former, that can come later, if ever.
I'm sorry Willow! I hope that this break at least marks the beginning of your family coming to terms with your gender identity.
::HUGS::
The same to you Kabit! You're so right about the distinction between tolerance and acceptance.
I was deluding myself to think that I could transition in my current workplace. :'(
Quote from: Unjust Gwynne! on December 19, 2013, 07:42:12 AM
I was deluding myself to think that I could transition in my current workplace. :'(
((Gwynne))!! It's not a delusion... it's a hope and it's optimism... and I know for me it's the only way I'm able to do some of the things I have to do. If I'd have known my wife's reaction, I might never have come OOTC.
Quote from: Saison Marguerite on December 18, 2013, 03:53:49 PM
I am so sorry to hear that! I know that Caleb has been dealing with something similar today. He got out of bed but he doesn't feel up to going out to the store or anything like that.
I did get out in the end though! Only to refill my T, go to Walmart whilst waiting, and then forget to return to get the actual bottle...
Through the last few years i have forgotten how my autism made me feel. Now that it's all back full-force (after years of therapy forced it into the background, even making me very social), i again find myself wondering whether i am going insane. I feel like a douche when i have a meltdown, i feel like a small child. I wish there was a cure. I had some thoughts i am not going to go into detail about, since i know that things like that can easily trigger others, but i am too chicken to do it. Besides, today i got to entertain some little children, including my niece, and the smiles on their faces and the joy they get just rub off on me and.....dogs and children, they are what makes me smile. I hope i'll have children of my own one day. If i wouldn't be so oversensitive (it's because of my Asperger autism), i would gladly babysit them. I just enjoy bringing them joy, joking around, seeing them have fun. They remind me of myself when i was small (before my chronic depression hit). I have a big heart for children and for dogs.
And dogs are just so damn loyal and caring.
The Metal Gear V reveal trailer that I watch everyday in my Youtube "like" list has been removed and the only other video of it has some type of static noise in it at around the 2 minute mark. :(
Ugh!
I don't know how I did so bad in school. My GPA is so far down the toilet I doubt it is recoverable. I feel so stupid for failing two classes, the two classes that I need for my degree of course.
I don't deserve to be in college if I'm this stupid. What makes me think I deserve life? How can I demand anything?
Quote from: Willow on December 19, 2013, 05:26:07 PM
I don't know how I did so bad in school. My GPA is so far down the toilet I doubt it is recoverable. I feel so stupid for failing two classes, the two classes that I need for my degree of course.
I don't deserve to be in college if I'm this stupid. What makes me think I deserve life? How can I demand anything?
Don't beat yourself up. I don't believe for a second that you're stupid. With all of the stress in your life, it might just be a poor time for you to be in school. It's very hard to succeed when you can't focus. Talk to counseling services. They might be able to help you out with your academic standing.
Quote from: kabit on December 19, 2013, 07:54:56 AM
((Gwynne))!! It's not a delusion... it's a hope and it's optimism... and I know for me it's the only way I'm able to do some of the things I have to do. If I'd have known my wife's reaction, I might never have come OOTC.
Thanks, Kabit.
I feel better now.
No, thank you. For coming back. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Unjust Gwynne! on December 19, 2013, 06:02:08 PMDon't beat yourself up. I don't believe for a second that you're stupid. With all of the stress in your life, it might just be a poor time for you to be in school. It's very hard to succeed when you can't focus. Talk to counseling services. They might be able to help you out with your academic standing.
What else am I supposed to do? I can't just go work anywhere. Who wants to hire a unstable pre-everything transsexual? If not school, then work. But I can't work. My body doesn't work, so how can I?
Since it isn'ta disability I doubt there's anything they can do. I'll try, but I doubt I'll get anywhere.
Hon, Gwynne is right. And it's a Charlie-in-the-box. Nobody wants a Charlie-in-the-box. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
Gaaaahhhh!!
P A I N S T A K I N G L Y typed a reply to a thread from my itty bitty 2.5 x 3 inch phone screen & it took f o r e v e r.....
And wouldn't post because the thread's now locked....!
Noooooooooooo! :(
Quote from: Valerie on December 19, 2013, 06:41:58 PM
Gaaaahhhh!!
P A I N S T A K I N G L Y typed a reply to a thread from my itty bitty 2.5 x 3 inch phone screen & it took f o r e v e r.....
And wouldn't post because the thread's now locked....!
Noooooooooooo! :(
Save the reply. It's only locked temporarily.
Quote from: FA on December 19, 2013, 06:47:42 PM
Save the reply. It's only locked temporarily.
*phew!*
I'm no good at playing Sisyphus, lol. And if you were the culprit, I might muster up some forgiveness ;)
Quote from: Valerie on December 19, 2013, 06:41:58 PM
Gaaaahhhh!!
P A I N S T A K I N G L Y typed a reply to a thread from my itty bitty 2.5 x 3 inch phone screen & it took f o r e v e r.....
And wouldn't post because the thread's now locked....!
Noooooooooooo! :(
I know the feeling of to something on a thread that takes a long time only for it to be locked when I'm done. I guess that's why I try to avoid responding at all in threads that get heated and may get locked.
Quote from: Willow on December 19, 2013, 06:15:12 PM
What else am I supposed to do? I can't just go work anywhere. Who wants to hire a unstable pre-everything transsexual? If not school, then work. But I can't work. My body doesn't work, so how can I?
Since it isn'ta disability I doubt there's anything they can do. I'll try, but I doubt I'll get anywhere.
Sorry to hear this, Willow. I feel you, I do. It took a lot for me to get through some terms at school because of the delayed transition, and I can completely understand how it feels like everything is falling apart.
Quote from: caleb. on December 19, 2013, 11:05:48 PM
Sorry to hear this, Willow. I feel you, I do. It took a lot for me to get through some terms at school because of the delayed transition, and I can completely understand how it feels like everything is falling apart.
I'm very worried dad might reverse his acceptance based on my poor performance.
Don't worry about your father. If he chooses not to accept you, it doesn't matter the reason, it is HIS problem. You have to take care of you right now.
I think it will be a bit hard to take care of myself without his money.
May be time to look into some big student loans.
Dealing with transphobia from someone claiming* to be trans in a group that is supposed to be for trans people. (Not here. If it was, I'd report them.) Worse, having people tell me I shouldn't call them out on their transphobia. They may be ok with being told trans people are just "really gay," but I'm not.
*According to their own beliefs, they are a gay man. Not saying that's true, but they did state that as their belief. I don't believe gay men to be the same as trans women and find that idea offensive.
Not having internet.
Quote from: Willow on December 19, 2013, 05:26:07 PM
I don't know how I did so bad in school. My GPA is so far down the toilet I doubt it is recoverable. I feel so stupid for failing two classes, the two classes that I need for my degree of course.
I don't deserve to be in college if I'm this stupid. What makes me think I deserve life? How can I demand anything?
You are not stupid! It is difficult to concentrate on your course load when you are burdened with all sorts of other things, gender issues not withstanding.
I changed my major from biology to geology and ended up having a blast in college. I loved Oceanography (Bio dept) but segued over into Marine Geology (Geol dept). It added a year to my undergrad, but I just wasn't that mature at 19 or 20 to have my life plotted out. And I was dealing, even then, with gender and sexuality issues.
I'm not all that mature now!
My mom is forcing me to go see my newborn nephew in the hospital. I really don't feel like getting dressed and going out there into the cold. As my father told me, "that baby will still be there".
Quote from: Jamie D on December 20, 2013, 04:38:56 PMYou are not stupid! It is difficult to concentrate on your course load when you are burdened with all sorts of other things, gender issues not withstanding.
I changed my major from biology to geology and ended up having a blast in college. I loved Oceanography (Bio dept) but segued over into Marine Geology (Geol dept). It added a year to my undergrad, but I just wasn't that mature at 19 or 20 to have my life plotted out. And I was dealing, even then, with gender and sexuality issues.
I'm not all that mature now!
Since I came in with 36 credits, my dad wanted me to graduate in 3 years. I can still do that, but I really don't know if I can anymore.
I've changed my major so many times, I know it's not right now, but what I really want to do (architecture) isn't offered at my school, and this GPA is too bad to transfer to a school that does.
I'm afraid that no one will understand or take me seriously when I say that my gender issues were the primary cause of my failing.
Quote from: Valerie on December 19, 2013, 06:41:58 PM
Gaaaahhhh!!
P A I N S T A K I N G L Y typed a reply to a thread from my itty bitty 2.5 x 3 inch phone screen & it took f o r e v e r.....
And wouldn't post because the thread's now locked....!
Noooooooooooo! :(
Sonovabitch! It just happened to me!
Quote from: Willow on December 20, 2013, 04:44:49 PM
Since I came in with 36 credits, my dad wanted me to graduate in 3 years. I can still do that, but I really don't know if I can anymore.
I've changed my major so many times, I know it's not right now, but what I really want to do (architecture) isn't offered at my school, and this GPA is too bad to transfer to a school that does.
I'm afraid that no one will understand or take me seriously when I say that my gender issues were the primary cause of my failing.
It's not your Dad's life or future. It is yours. Take the time to figure out what you want to do. Sometimes the college is a bad fit. Maybe a community college for a year or two (would save a lot of money too) and then transfer to get your Bachelors degree.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 20, 2013, 08:42:59 PM
Sonovabitch! It just happened to me!
I noticed. :/ I was curious as to what you were going to say too.
Quote from: Malachite on December 20, 2013, 09:04:13 PM
I noticed. :/ I was curious as to what you were going to say too.
Check your inbox. :)
Mom saying she'd rather have me diagnosed with asperger's than GD.
Taking out trash and did the rounds of the garage area where I live as people treat it like a dump, gripe and no one else picks it up!
Found spent syringes lying where kids could have found them. Effing druggies low life's who I have no time for.
Could have been very dangerous with serious consequences. Disposed of them safely.
It's not like I live in an area where this is common.
NOT HAPPY>:(
Coming here and reading someone wanted me to give them a dollar. Sorry but I'm trying to stay alive and housed. I feel this isn't the place for those kinds of threads as many of us are in the same boat.
realizing my nail polish is chipping, im starting to get panicky, i dont have any and i already want to redo my nails, ugh im such a priss
I thought coming back here for Christmas would give me a break from my gender issues and allow me to be calm when I go back and not get into trouble with my job again. I was wrong. Somehow they manage to use my name more than the two hundred people I live with back down there, and I forgot to bring a binder, and had no room for my boxers in my rucksack. I keep freudian slipping and calling work my home. I don't really have a home at the moment.
No room for underwear? Odd.
I have a habit of calling where ever I sleep, home. It only takes a couple days for me to do that as a rule. This included when I was sleeping in the parking lot at work.
I don't think there is a break from gender issues as your body goes with you everywhere. I'm sorry you are with people who can't seem to transition with you.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 21, 2013, 02:02:15 PM
No room for underwear? Odd.
I have a habit of calling where ever I sleep, home. It only takes a couple days for me to do that as a rule. This included when I was sleeping in the parking lot at work.
I don't think there is a break from gender issues as your body goes with you everywhere. I'm sorry you are with people who can't seem to transition with you.
I always do that! It doesn't even take a few days. I was on travel and my boss kept getting confused about "going home" to the hotel.
Off up to Muncie until tomorrow night. I don't wan to go but it's the "Family christmas party" tomorrow. I use the term "Family" loosely because when I go back there I'm called by my old name and pronouns. And I can't take it anymore. So it's the last time. In fact, I think tomorrow I'll take a trip into town and spend all day reading a book or something.
Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 21, 2013, 02:06:55 PM
Off up to Muncie until tomorrow night. I don't wan to go but it's the "Family christmas party" tomorrow. I use the term "Family" loosely because when I go back there I'm called by my old name and pronouns. And I can't take it anymore. So it's the last time. In fact, I think tomorrow I'll take a trip into town and spend all day reading a book or something.
If you're clearly presenting as Keaira, then there's no excuse. I Give my family a reprieve since I'm still presenting as him, because they're "not ready" to meet Willow.
It's good to give yourself some me time, I've been contemplating running off to the bookstore to get a new book and a coffee, but I have no money.
Be safe, be sane. And most of all, try to be happy :)
I went to church practice for the kids today in order to avoid going with my mother to go clean up my sister's house. As it turns out, she never went and plans to go another time (probably when I'm around) because my brother in law's sister was there. My mother decides it's a great idea to clean up my room. I hate when she does that because when that happens, things I need get thrown away and I can't find anything and I get so stressed out and I'm sure my blood pressure rises.. In a way, I feel like she does this to get back at me because this isn't the first time. I honestly would have been more appreciative if she washed the dishes instead, but no, the dirty dishes were still there so I had to wash them.
When I first came into my room and noticed it was "organized", my immediate response was to look in the trash can to see what she deemed as "trash" to be thrown away and guess what I find? A dollar sitting at the top............yeah, I may need to get on that blood pressure medicine real soon lol. I am SO glad that I put my packer up since my nephew was over yesterday because I can tell she was in the area where I usually have it.
And while I was typing this, my father called to tell me that he got locked up for DUI. He's out now, but he can't drive until October, which means he won't be taking me practicing anytime soon so I'm pretty much on my own to try for my license, bar my sister helping me when she can.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 21, 2013, 02:02:15 PM
No room for underwear? Odd.
I have a habit of calling where ever I sleep, home. It only takes a couple days for me to do that as a rule. This included when I was sleeping in the parking lot at work.
I don't think there is a break from gender issues as your body goes with you everywhere. I'm sorry you are with people who can't seem to transition with you.
It was full of Christmas presents, a pair of trousers, a couple of t-shirts and my onesies to try and keep my warm whilst I'm at my parent's house with no heating. I knew I had my old female underwear here so I thought I'd be okay, but I forgot how demoralising it is to go back to that. I had less than 5 minutes to get out and to my taxi as well, most of that was spent trying to find my padlock for my wardrobe.
I call work home because I'm living there but it seems to offend my family. No one else calls work home because they've got their parents houses to go back to after the end of the year, but I'm moving halfway across the country then, so I technically have no where.
I thought I'd let less of my assigned sex shoved in my face here as I'm away from my shared female room and stuff. Most of the time I used to be able to forget I'm not physically okay when I lived here, now my dysphoria's not so forgiving.
Dad wants to go to the beach on Christmas. I don't feel comfortable with that, because I don't know what I'd wear. I need something to cover my top. He should know how I feel about that, now that he's in the loop. My dysphoria is worse than ever, I've not been without a shirt in public since going to the beach once last summer. I could stand it for an hour on a day off.
Really, he's become more of a drag than support lately.
Fathers don't read minds any more than kids do. Tell your father it bothers you or wear a T shirt and say the sun bothers you somehow.
I've been feeling great all day and what is the only thing to make me even remotely unhappy?
I have somehow misplaced all my guitar picks. It takes talent to misplace all of them. What kind of talent i don't know, maybe a talent for misplacing things.
Hmmm, I'm The Finder of Things, I have no idea what it takes to misplace the stuff. Not my department. Haven't found your picks yet, either.
"uses jedi mind trick" You will get me some new ones, some really nice Fender ones since my whole equipment these days is Fender. Oh and medium strength please.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 21, 2013, 06:40:14 PM
Hmmm, I'm The Finder of Things, I have no idea what it takes to misplace the stuff. Not my department. Haven't found your picks yet, either.
Then come find my SD card. I bought one and put it in the little plastic sleeve thing after I loaded stuff onto it. THEN I put that plastic sleeve (with the card encased) into the large carton that it came in. I put it away for "safe keeping" so it wouldn't get damaged when I needed it. Well, it's in a safe place, all right. So safe that I haven't been able to find it for the last month.
The pretty little high school girl in Colorado who was shot in the head has just died. I wish these lunatics would do us all a favor and leave other people alone and just take themselves out at home.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2FModstuff%2Fcandle_flame_zps05f4fedd.jpg&hash=6daecf7043991ca72a28261f7cfad76c8cb04521)
Quote from: Shantel on December 21, 2013, 06:51:40 PM
The pretty little high school girl in Colorado who was shot in the head has just died. I wish these lunatics would do us all a favor and leave other people alone and just take themselves out at home.
I think the reason they do it in the manner that they do is for that final bit of infamy. Then once they take themselves out, they get their 15 minutes of fame. (Even if it is in death.) I don't know....it's completely insane, in my opinion.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 21, 2013, 06:41:08 PM
"uses jedi mind trick" You will get me some new ones, some really nice Fender ones since my whole equipment these days is Fender. Oh and medium strength please.
I will get you some new ones, really nice Fender ones. Medium strength of course.
<mindlessly walking out in front of steamroller>
Quote from: Keaira Raine on December 21, 2013, 02:06:55 PM
Off up to Muncie until tomorrow night. I don't wan to go but it's the "Family christmas party" tomorrow. I use the term "Family" loosely because when I go back there I'm called by my old name and pronouns. And I can't take it anymore. So it's the last time. In fact, I think tomorrow I'll take a trip into town and spend all day reading a book or something.
Honestly, going by your new pic. What you got going on with how you look there, I sure as hell don't see a guy. I know how friggin stubborn families can be (I've been there in the past) but if they can't see the girl I see there in that pic then they need to see an eye doctor NOW!! Or a therapist...or something. You look REALLY good in that pic, by the way. Meeeeeow. :)
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 21, 2013, 06:55:50 PM
I think the reason they do it in the manner that they do is for that final bit of infamy. Then once they take themselves out, they get their 15 minutes of fame. (Even if it is in death.) I don't know....it's completely insane, in my opinion.
Unfortunately the parents and other people see signs that these people are about to run amok and don't do anything to put a shunt in their activities. The mother of the shooter in Newton had even bought her mentally disturbed kid the guns. Both parents of the Columbine shooters were psychiatrists and paid no attention to what mischief their kids were up to. It's pretty frustrating to see such parental irresponsibility and failure to step up to the plate and deal with the problems before it turns critical.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 21, 2013, 06:32:02 PM
I've been feeling great all day and what is the only thing to make me even remotely unhappy?
I have somehow misplaced all my guitar picks. It takes talent to misplace all of them. What kind of talent i don't know, maybe a talent for misplacing things.
And this is why I buy in bulk and have them all over the house and in my purse. I have a special jar for the special picks that are not to be handled. OK, I admit to using Yngwie Malmsteen's, but it somehow did not increase my picking speed one bit.
Use a coin like Brian May?
I'll have to say that reading some peoples' posts here made me most unhappy today. Some heartbreaking, some hurtful- perhaps intentionally.
Quote from: Shantel on December 21, 2013, 07:12:16 PM
Unfortunately the parents and other people see signs that these people are about to run amok and don't do anything to put a shunt in their activities. The mother of the shooter in Newton had even bought her mentally disturbed kid the guns. Both parents of the Columbine shooters were psychiatrists and paid no attention to what mischief their kids were up to. It's pretty frustrating to see such parental irresponsibility and failure to step up to the plate and deal with the problems before it turns critical.
True.
But think about how blind so many parents are to sooo many things when it comes to their kids? Hell, just look at how many of us threw out hint after hint in the hopes that someone would pick up on it and they never did. They all thought it was just a "phase"?
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 21, 2013, 08:31:16 PM
But think about how blind so many parents are to sooo many things when it comes to their kids? Hell, just look at how many of us threw out hint after hint in the hopes that someone would pick up on it and they never did. They all thought it was just a "phase"?
How true!! I spent years convinced that my parents and I were living an unspoken agreement not to discuss it. Turns out, they were just frikking clueless.
Quote from: GeWnYnNyNwEg on December 21, 2013, 08:34:33 PM
How true!! I spent years convinced that my parents and I were living an unspoken agreement not to discuss it. Turns out, they were just frikking clueless.
I went through this thought, and few others,
One is that I was an alien like superman. the day would come when I would be appreciated and acknowledge as the guy I am and be a hero. Then I grew up a bit. Then there was the must be adopted cause this family is nothing like me, all girls but my dad. They must be kinda blind and deaf. I felt I was screaming out loud and they just acted all deaf. so many things I dreamt up to explain things, and it was never quite what I imagined. Instead of being super special, I'm just another one like me. Time for a new thread I think.
I came out to my dad finally but he just made a few jokes about it and turned on the TV. I didn't really get to say much and felt uncomfortable saying anything else after the jokes. I know I needed to tell him but really wish I didn't. Trusting people tends to backfire on me and I get the feeling this will too.
Quote from: Shantel on December 21, 2013, 06:51:40 PM
The pretty little high school girl in Colorado who was shot in the head has just died. I wish these lunatics would do us all a favor and leave other people alone and just take themselves out at home.
I just found out about that and I was about to post how this has made me unhappy too. It was such a waste of life and I feel deeply terrible about the pain that the family, friends, school, and others are facing from this tragic and unneccesary death. For me, it seems like there has been a lot of tragic deaths happening recently. :/
Oh and my mother is drunk....again. That has made me unhappy....
Quote from: Shantel on December 21, 2013, 06:51:40 PM
The pretty little high school girl in Colorado who was shot in the head has just died. I wish these lunatics would do us all a favor and leave other people alone and just take themselves out at home.
I had read about this earlier also but was too upset to post :-\ This school shooting stuff confuses the s--- out of me
How is anyone other than school staff and security still able to walk onto a school grounds with a weapon and start shooting up a school?
It's not the national/state gun laws that need to change, it's the school policies and security measures that need to be ramped up to ensure a secure learning place where students can safely gain an education without the fear of being randomly maimed or murdered
Quote from: V M on December 21, 2013, 11:22:05 PM
I had read about this earlier also but was too upset to post :-\ This school shooting stuff confuses the s--- out of me
How is anyone other than school staff and security still able to walk onto a school grounds with a weapon and start shooting up a school?
It's not the national/state gun laws that need to change, it's the school policies and security measures that need to be ramped up to ensure a secure learning place where students can safely gain an education without the fear of being randomly maimed or murdered
I think, though, that my old high school has taken it too far. The place is now literally a prison; from 7 to 3, no one is in or out. You have to pass through a metal detector when entering school. I don't know about you, but that actually makes me feel less safe, and more like a criminal.
Quote from: Willow on December 21, 2013, 11:42:58 PM
I think, though, that my old high school has taken it too far. The place is now literally a prison; from 7 to 3, no one is in or out. You have to pass through a metal detector when entering school. I don't know about you, but that actually makes me feel less safe, and more like a criminal.
Exactly this, security has gone haywire all over, from TSA and the patriot act to grammar schools.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 22, 2013, 12:40:00 AMExactly this, security has gone haywire all over, from TSA and the patriot act to grammar schools.
I got pat down clearing security in Lansing because I was only one of two people in line, and the TSA must have been bored. That does not mean you can violate my privacy and treat me like a criminal.
This has gone too far. Everything.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, just as there is an intelligent and also a less than intelligent way of doing just about everything
I don't have all the answers to everything, I would just rather not read about kids getting senselessly murdered at school
Fair enough?
Quote from: Willow on December 21, 2013, 11:42:58 PM
I think, though, that my old high school has taken it too far. The place is now literally a prison; from 7 to 3, no one is in or out. You have to pass through a metal detector when entering school. I don't know about you, but that actually makes me feel less safe, and more like a criminal.
I am soooo glad that I graduated pre-Columbine.
Quote from: Miss_Bungle1991 on December 22, 2013, 01:00:19 AMI am soooo glad that I graduated pre-Columbine.
This was something new they just put up this year. I'm so glad I graduated before they changed everything. I have to feel for my sister now, though.
I had a pocket knife in school every single day.
I find it ironic that they attempt to teach tolerance and have these all these zero tolerance policies that suspend kids for miniature guns, play guns made in school, and small food knives. Accidentally bringing these things to school should be tolerated.
And if they find these things during scanning... is the kid suspended? It didn't make it in. If they find something like this before I get on a plane it goes in the trash (we're not talking real weapons here). A kid could do more damage with a baseball bat or other things you might already find in the school.
Quote from: V M on December 22, 2013, 12:56:38 AM
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, just as there is an intelligent and also a less than intelligent way of doing just about everything
I don't have all the answers to everything, I would just rather not read about kids getting senselessly murdered at school
Fair enough?
I totally agree with that. It is the method of prevention I question. No one should have to feel violated or afraid to go to school due to security measures anymore than fear of violence.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 22, 2013, 03:03:04 AM
Not being myself. I feel like it's killing me inside. I don't want to go on anymore like this. But, why is it so hard to be myself. Why would I rather die than take a chance?
Fear?
Quote from: Jill F on December 21, 2013, 07:17:16 PM
And this is why I buy in bulk and have them all over the house and in my purse. I have a special jar for the special picks that are not to be handled. OK, I admit to using Yngwie Malmsteen's, but it somehow did not increase my picking speed one bit.
Use a coin like Brian May?
I'll have to say that reading some peoples' posts here made me most unhappy today. Some heartbreaking, some hurtful- perhaps intentionally.
that's my last resort but it'll do for some jamming, but i'm better with a pick. i should carry some in my wallet and put a few ones in my cd cases.
Quote from: Orange Creamsicle on December 22, 2013, 03:03:04 AM
Not being myself. I feel like it's killing me inside. I don't want to go on anymore like this. But, why is it so hard to be myself. Why would I rather die than take a chance?
I want to just come out to the world, all at once. But I'm afraid of how it will affect me if the result is not so good.
The result is generally better than expected, and being yourself is the important thing to enable us to accept.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 22, 2013, 04:03:04 AM
that's my last resort but it'll do for some jamming, but i'm better with a pick. i should carry some in my wallet and put a few ones in my cd cases.
I've known of some people who have made picks out of cutting up a plastic bottle in times of desperation 8)
Quote from: V M on December 22, 2013, 04:22:56 AM
I've known of some people who have made picks out of cutting up a plastic bottle in times of desperation 8)
Any thin plastic works well. It's cheap and easy.
I wasn't going to post this but I need as much positive energy as I can get.
The hydraulic lifter I use to transfer my wife from her wheel chair has failed. I think the battery or the controller mechanism has failed. Both are (of course >:() unique to this lifter a Sunlift 150E, I've searched the internet in Adelaide there is one possibility but they seem to have closed for the holiday break.
Any ideas and good thoughts, any anythings, I could use at this time, please!
Can you access the batteries to check the connections?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 22, 2013, 07:56:30 AM
Can you access the batteries to check the connections?
total sealed unit with a unique plug
I'm so tired
Is there a reset button? On the lift, not on you! :) Sometimes they're those tiny ones you press with a pencil.
In a manual for sunlift hoists, three things to check are that the emergency stop is not set, that the total battery discharge protection is not activated and the control plug is making good connection.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 22, 2013, 04:03:04 AM
that's my last resort but it'll do for some jamming, but i'm better with a pick. i should carry some in my wallet and put a few ones in my cd cases.
I'm a finger-style player, myself. Couldn't imagine letting plastic get between my fingers and the strings. :-\
Have you ever considered getting acrylic nails on your (
statistical presumption) right hand and experimenting? I highly recommend it. Like having five picks at your disposal simultaneously! :D
This is Don Ross, who swears by the strategy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBwM9VqmxQE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBwM9VqmxQE)
I'm hoping the broken lift isn't ruining your day, Cindy. Feeling helpless being so far away. Hugs, Devlyn
Sorry did the fall asleep in the chair routine.
Yes BHHF checked all them. So my ideas are the battery has terminated, which seems the most likely as the thing won't work even plugged to power, or the control box is dead. Of course I can't check either.
Being told I look like a chipmunk with breasts.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.giantbomb.com%2Fuploads%2Fscale_small%2F0%2F3948%2F969765-chipmunk4.jpg&hash=f06e482533ff90dbad9623b9adf51714191ea7cf)
Quote from: GeWnYnNyNwEg on December 22, 2013, 01:05:06 PM
Being told I look like a chipmunk with breasts.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.giantbomb.com%2Fuploads%2Fscale_small%2F0%2F3948%2F969765-chipmunk4.jpg&hash=f06e482533ff90dbad9623b9adf51714191ea7cf)
:( I wish there was a way I could help but I'm down too. I can't even get out of bed, evenmoreso after dad yelling at me to wake up, and then yelling at mom about it.
They aren't recognizing that I have feelings, separate from his feelings. They acknowledge me as something that they're havinga hard time recognizing. Can't I have a hard time with something too?
I've done so much gone so far. Enough give. I'm ready for some take.
Slight headache and I'm sad that my father is feeling down.
Quote from: GeWnYnNyNwEg on December 22, 2013, 01:05:06 PM
Being told I look like a chipmunk with breasts.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fstatic.giantbomb.com%2Fuploads%2Fscale_small%2F0%2F3948%2F969765-chipmunk4.jpg&hash=f06e482533ff90dbad9623b9adf51714191ea7cf)
Well, it's cute at least.
Quote from: FA on December 22, 2013, 02:44:20 PM
Well, it's cute at least.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Unhappy, more snow to shovel.
One of my friends thought I needed to know that his wife keeps mistakenly calling me "she," but that he corrects her. While it's nice he corrects her, I really don't want to be reminded that people mistake me for a "she."
Quote from: Edge on December 22, 2013, 05:31:29 PM
One of my friends thought I needed to know that his wife keeps mistakenly calling me "she," but that he corrects her. While it's nice he corrects her, I really don't want to be reminded that people mistake me for a "she."
Sounds like you'll have to have that little talk with her Edge!
Lost internet connection while playing a mission on GTA V: Online
So I was at a restaurant today waiting for a friend to arrive, and I noticed a little girl just outside unattended digging through an ash tray and picking up the cigarette butts and taking them close to her mouth. And after about 15 seconds of this, I decided it'd be a good idea to tell her that she shouldn't pick them up, since other people stuck them in their mouth. About two minutes later, her mom verbally abused me with nonsense that I was supposed to find her mom (the one nowhere to be seen at the time, and if said mom was around, she should've stopped the kid from the activity) and tell her what her kid was doing, that someone was with her (which was utter bollocks, because I saw no one around, and the kid had to run off around the corner to find someone), that I scared the kid (in that case, mission accomplished: I got her out of the ash tray), and that I was a pervert for approaching a kid. Seriously. If she hadn't walked off after the last remark, I would have been asking the restaurant staff to deal with her (and they would have my deepest sympathies).
And I'd do it again. Every, single, time.
(And I was presenting super-plain today, so don't even think a moment that every person who detests you is because of your gender identity -- some of them will be despicable to anyone. Most people will actually try to be civil anyway.)
To temper this situation, I offer an account of my first hormone injection: the woman who was giving me the shot repeatedly apologized because she needed two minutes to find more needles, and then she apologized despite administering the shot perfectly... it took a while to inject given the nature of the liquid, but otherwise there was no problem. And then she apologized again.
I'm sort of in awe that these two extremes in personalities can exist in this world. I don't think I've encountered anyone quite like either of them in the last five years (maybe even ten), and I've seen them both this month.
@ Kaelin - I think you did the right thing, the mother was probably embarrassed for her own negligence... Unfortunately she sounds like the type that would probably give the kid a ration of hell later
I'm unhappy because I want to wax my pits and colour my hair but I fear that I'm running out of time to do so
Quote from: V M on December 23, 2013, 12:10:52 AMI'm unhappy because I want to wax my pits and colour my hair but I fear that I'm running out of time to do so
How come? Hot date? or christmas party soon?
Quote from: Willow on December 23, 2013, 12:20:13 AM
How come? Hot date? or christmas party soon?
Just don't like having hairy pits and grey roots :P But hey, never know who might show up or what could happen during the holidays :D Prince Charming might show up or I might get invited to a swank party somewhere!!! But I'm not holding my breath for any of that LOL
Quote from: V M on December 23, 2013, 12:41:37 AMJust don't like having hairy pits and grey roots :P But hey, never know who might show up or what could happen during the holidays :D Prince Charming might show up or I might get invited to a swank party somewhere!!! But I'm not holding my breath for any of that LOL
You'll find some time. There's always time for looking beautiful :)
First week without HRT and my breasts feel like deflating again. They were quite sore and hard on the last day, and now they feel as if the buds were getting smaller and softer, and everything going tiny again.
One week, just one more week before I can resume treatment again...
It's not really funny, calling someone a pussy and wuss ~ even in jest.
Quote from: Kaelin on December 22, 2013, 11:41:39 PM
I'm sort of in awe that these two extremes in personalities can exist in this world. I don't think I've encountered anyone quite like either of them in the last five years (maybe even ten), and I've seen them both this month.
Good going though Kaelin, I would have done the same! :eusa_clap:
I was having a blood draw by a young college aged girl who after five pricks couldn't seem to hit the vein. She was a lab intern and became clearly distraught and began to cry, she was horrified thinking she was hurting me. I hugged her and told her that she was doing fine, suggesting she try the other arm, mission accomplished! I felt like kissing away those tears because she was so concerned about my discomfort. It's not always that way with some people though!
Quote from: Dream Is Over on December 23, 2013, 06:34:13 AM
First week without HRT and my breasts feel like deflating again. They were quite sore and hard on the last day, and now they feel as if the buds were getting smaller and softer, and everything going tiny again.
One week, just one more week before I can resume treatment again...
don't worry, you're not going to lose them or even part of them.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, Count of Anvil on December 23, 2013, 10:14:57 AM
don't worry, you're not going to lose them or even part of them.
Yeah, that's what the endo told me, but still. I stopped on the 17th, and today I was close to puck when I saw my naked reflection in the mirror. Sure, I have a beautiful box of prescription androcur, but I can't start taking it until the 31st. At first I felt like I was coping fairly well, but now I'm getting paranoid again about masculinising again. Heck, the day before I stopped I was in sore breasts and growth spurt mode. Now I see myself and it is like looking at my pre-HRT self. I am even considering taking the breastforms again (Which does not say a lot about my current confidence.).
Boy, are my fingers sloppy today. I constantly mess up. A good thing that i no longer completely bury my playing underneath a barrage of effects, otherwise improvement would be almost impossible.
It makes me unhappy that people are unhappy when I'm estatic about something. I wish I could nring you guys up.
Quote from: Willow on December 23, 2013, 11:11:56 AM
It makes me unhappy that people are unhappy when I'm estatic about something.
Me too!
Family :P
I feel like I should go out and check that the horses are okay in their shelter with these high winds, but if I go out there and there's trouble there's nothing I can do. If I don't go out and there's trouble then I'll regret it the next day. I suppose I'll be going out. I don't want to be out in this weather. I can feel the wind from indoors even with all the doors and windows shut.
Edit: the shelters okay even if the younger of the two horses is freaked out and won't let me near to check properly. The back door to the house is moving even though it's locked and bolted tightly.
Got a voicemail from my endo's office today at 1pm. I'm seeing this (THANKFULLY) tonight at 10:30 pm. They wanted me to confirm my appointment (the one I confirmed last week, thank you very much).
Thank god they have office phone hours 9-10:30 tomorrow morning... yep... that's IT. Guess I should set an alarm for 9 am.
My pizza tastes liek a burnt pizza box now, and my Sprite is taking a long time to freeze.
I got asked why I'm not with my family for Christmas. Does it really matter? I got my mom's cat, that will do.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 24, 2013, 01:24:01 AM
I got asked why I'm not with my family for Christmas. Does it really matter? I got my mom's cat, that will do.
You are Honey, you are here with a family that Loves you
Yup, the best family of all. The one that wants to be.
I made a list on "Why I don't want to see my family tomorrow", but I missed one:
Getting asked AGAIN "Where is your girlfriend? When are you getting married?"
Being the only single one in the whole family has been one of those motives for being seen as a major failure. The more I think about previous occasions, the more I believe I'm better on my own. I'm only going there to see my grand parents one last time. Because the next time I will possibly see them in a coffin.
Oh, and... I HATE SEAFOOD. And it's the only freaking thing they seem to put on the table. Christmas holidays is my most hated festivity in the whole year.
PS: If I get briefs for christmas from my parents again I'm sticking them in the first trashcan I see. I'm not accepting more male stuff.
I'm still being made to go to church but can't wear whati want because mom still "isn't ready" for it. So much for the only way I was going to church is in a dress. I thought I had strengthened but I'm still as spineless as ever.
Hey Willow , dont worry im pretty sure that most parents do that at first at least , when things move forward your mom will eventually become more accepting/tolerant I dunno , at least my mom did...
at first she would rather die than see me as a girl...now she is like "meh ok do what you like " lol. :angel:
I guess we have to cope with them for a while :-\
My mom would have rather had me diagnosed with Aspergers than GD. Dad doesn't give two s**ts. He just want to see me happy and doesn't care how I dress.
I feel that this is yet another reason why m my parents will divorce :(
Seems some people who regularly send me holiday greetings neglected to do so this year.
Lame.
Gee, I got a tie from an ancient and distant female relative. Gee thanks auntie, I can't wait to wear it! >:-) :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on December 24, 2013, 04:49:36 PM
Gee, I got a tie from an ancient and distant female relative. Gee thanks auntie, I can't wait to exchange it! >:-) :laugh:
Fixed that for you. :laugh:
When I think ties, I think Fasching.
Quote from: Shantel on December 24, 2013, 04:49:36 PM
Gee, I got a tie from an ancient and distant female relative. Gee thanks auntie, I can't wait to wear it! >:-) :laugh:
They make excellent impromptu restraints... >:-)
Colostomy pain
Starting to feel that holiday lonliness and isolation come down on me as Christmas arrives. I guess I will do a GTA V: Online gaming marathon to try and ease that pain some. Maybe some more hackers can give me some more money. -sigh-
A very merry night of debilitating dysphoria... from getting dressed for church to the pre-church dinner to church and the ride home.
Yay
First holiday season without any family at all. Cold, dark and lonely tonight. :'(
The lights are on in here, you two! We always stick together through the holidays. Hugs, Devlyn
I've spent a few of my Christmases here with this family. An awesome group.
Big hug! Get some rest, Liam, and tomorrow is a fresh start. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Casey Danielle on December 24, 2013, 09:35:58 PM
I just mean I'm planning to come out to my family next year so, depending on the response I might be missing Christmas next year.
This is exactly what I'm faced with....
Quote from: Casey Danielle on December 24, 2013, 09:35:58 PM
Sorry, I guess that could've sounded a little dark. I just mean I'm planning to come out to my family next year so, depending on the response I might be missing Christmas next year.
Don't scare us like that, Casey!!
I'm in a similar boat. My family knows and is tolerant. Next year I expect to be FT or FT except for work. That changes the dynamic significantly.
Missing my family this Christmas.
Mom got me a shirt that is way too big and expects me to wear it.
I feel so fat wearing it :(
Belt it so it looks like a short dress.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 25, 2013, 01:51:36 AMBelt it so it looks like a short dress.
Mmm, doesn't quite work; it's a longsleeve tshirt.
I'll probably end up wearing it under a sweatshirt.
Is this the place to complain?
Watched my 3 year old niece open her first little make up kit. Watched her face light up and promptly slather on as many items as possible. I don't know why this upset me so much. She was so happy and everyone was encouraging her, but I felt bad about how early these gender things manifest themselves. I never felt like this before . I guess it doesn't matter since I have endured an onslaught of trans phobic comments and nasty looks, even though I'm not out to my family. I can tell they suspect stuff but maybe can't identify it. They think it's fun to make beard growing jokes.
Today went very well, but I feel like tomorrow will not be as good familywise. It's the less supportive side.
There's also a couple of people who didn't know about it last year, and I don't know if anyone has gotten them up to speed. I don't have their contact info or I'd have done it myself...
1) I look very different from when they saw me a year ago - I pass almost all the time now, NEVER passed then.
2) I also have no problem casually dropping "By the way, my name is Caleb now." But others might not view it as so casual and get pretty upset.
I mean, my name has been Caleb for almost 5 years now. I honestly can't even think of the old name anymore, it just doesn't enter my consciousness.
Quote from: caleb. on December 25, 2013, 04:17:04 AM1) I look very different from when they saw me a year ago - I pass almost all the time now, NEVER passed then.
That just brings up a thought; my youngest cousin, only 4 months old, will be the only one in my family who will have only known me as Willow.
Just an interesting thought.
Willow thats so awesome , I have two 5 years old cousins...
who knows maybe eventually the will forget my old self, cause no way they seeing me again as a guy...
btw Im really sad ,feel terrible , I dunno dysphoria strikes at random moments...I need not to cry now cause guests are coming over...
I'd forgotten how often my godmother says something gendering me... She's been here for barely one day and has tried to get me in a dress, put jewelry on me, given me a jewelry box as a present and said I should have my hair curled if I have it this short...
I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted. My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted. And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does. She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things. Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need. I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me. I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed. In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account. I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like. In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here. It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use. While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want. It's the emotional statement that it sends to me. Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me. Boys must get boy things only, right?
Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally. In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family. She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in. Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself. Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.
Quote from: learningtolive on December 25, 2013, 09:44:32 AM
I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted. My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted. And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does. She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things. Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need. I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me. I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed. In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account. I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like. In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here. It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use. While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want. It's the emotional statement that it sends to me. Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me. Boys must get boy things only, right?
Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally. In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family. She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in. Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself. Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.
I'm with you; I only asked for my parents to see and accept me as female, something that costs no money, and instead got a lot of extraneous things, most of which I will never use, like the men's shower kit given to me by dad, or the popcorn popper given to me by my sister.
To be honest, what I wanted, if anyone was to give me anything, was some money. Like visa or amazon gift cards. I was planning on making a donation to Susan's today, but I didn't get any money myself.
Sorry, Susan, looks like you're going to have to wait until tomorrow to see if I get anything to donate.
Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 09:54:26 AM
I'm with you; I only asked for my parents to see and accept me as female, something that costs no money, and instead got a lot of extraneous things, most of which I will never use, like the men's shower kit given to me by dad, or the popcorn popper given to me by my sister.
To be honest, what I wanted, if anyone was to give me anything, was some money. Like visa or amazon gift cards. I was planning on making a donation to Susan's today, but I didn't get any money myself.
Sorry, Susan, looks like you're going to have to wait until tomorrow to see if I get anything to donate.
Yeah, my mom refused to give me any money because she is afraid that it will go towards something girly or transition related. I'm sorry that you didn't get the things you asked for or wanted. It's especially hard when you see your sisters opening up all these things and you can't even express who you really are in your own house. Eh...
In any case, you're young Willow. You will move on and make it in time. Just be brave throughout this transitional phase at home.
On the fifth day of Christmas my body gave to me: DYYYYYS-PHOOOOO-RIIIIIAAAA
I can't wait until I can put on any shirt I want and not feel sad.
Quote from: learningtolive on December 25, 2013, 09:44:32 AM
I realize this post will sound petty and spoiled, but I really didn't ask for much on Christmas and got nothing that I wanted. My mom got me things she thinks I should like rather than stuff I actually wanted. And what gets me is that I told her only a few things I really wanted so she wouldn't go all out like she always does. She kept begging me for things to get, and I gave her a little list and said that's all because I don't want her to get a lot and only wanted a few things. Most of those things weren't there in place of expensive things I really didn't want or need. I'm not angry at her and I'm grateful that she tries so hard, but she didn't even hear me. I totally understand her financial hardships and simply asked for a few things that I actually wanted/needed. In place, she got me a bunch of stuff that I don't want or need which was not only a waste of money but shows me how little she takes my feelings into account. I'm trying to put a smile on my face so she feels it's a good christmas and that she surprised me; however, I would rather her spend half of what she did and receive things that I really wanted rather than what she thinks I should like. In any case, all I want is for my mom to have a good Christmas because she works so hard and she's been through a lot this year (my transition and other family problems), so I will take my feelings and place them anonymously here. It just hurts when you see your sisters open up gifts they wanted and I get things that I won't use. While it sounds terribly spoiled, I really just wanted her to get me the things I wanted/needed rather than spend a whole bunch of money on things I don't want. It's the emotional statement that it sends to me. Well, I suppose some things are too close to my transition, so that's why she wouldn't get them for me. Boys must get boy things only, right?
Sorry for sounding terrible, it just hit me emotionally. In any case, my mom is a great person who does everything for her family. She deserves a great Christmas, so I'm holding this in. Hopefully, we'll have a nice dinner and I'll again keep my feelings to myself. Eh, sorry for sounding like a bitch, I don't mean to be like that.
You don't have anything to apologise for, hon.
They say it's the thought that counts. And your feelings are tied into the thoughts you feel your mom had with regard to what she was willing to get versus what you wanted her to get. And perhaps on a deeper level, that impacted you in the way you feel she isn't listening to you, and actively tries to divert her attention from what you want to what she thinks you want. It's obvious you're hurting because you feel it's an attempt to define you, rather than let you define yourself. And that's perfectly understandable. It's not so much about the gifts as what they represent.
You don't sound like a bitch. We draw connections from all kinds of things. And it's a good thing that you were able to get out how you felt, rather than let it bubble inside. *hugs*
Don't be so hard on yourself, hon. :)
So far i like what i've heard of Nirvana, only problem is, their sound (and especially Cobain's voice) puts me right back into the bad place i was in a few months back. And i am not going to allow that intense depression back into my life. i have enough mental issues as is. But something about that voice, the whole pain and terror, it just speaks to me. It's something i know too well.
The stores are all closed.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 25, 2013, 06:17:50 PM
The stores are all closed.
With a word she can get what she came for.
My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 25, 2013, 06:22:02 PM
With a word she can get what she came for.
Love those stairs.
Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 06:37:54 PM
My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.
Tell them you have plans. If they want to be involved, they do it your way. It sounds like you do have plans so carry them out. Unless family means more of course.
More importantly, since FB is being an A **hat,
Happy Birthday!!
LtL, Willow,
You have every right to be annoyed, misgendering you through a gift is as insulting as misgendering you vocally.
To be honest I would be tempted to leave these gifts with them when you go home, unless you can sell them.
Willow happy birthday honey, this is a new year in your life and one in which you will blossom into the lovely young lady you are. Oh, and I'd dress as your true gender and stuff the responses where they see no light!
bloating...
Quote from: Cindy on December 25, 2013, 10:19:31 PM
LtL, Willow,
You have every right to be annoyed, misgendering you through a gift is as insulting as misgendering you vocally.
To be honest I would be tempted to leave these gifts with them when you go home, unless you can sell them.
Willow happy birthday honey, this is a new year in your life and one in which you will blossom into the lovely young lady you are. Oh, and I'd dress as your true gender and stuff the responses where they see no light!
Quote from: Sephirah on December 25, 2013, 02:24:58 PM
You don't have anything to apologise for, hon.
They say it's the thought that counts. And your feelings are tied into the thoughts you feel your mom had with regard to what she was willing to get versus what you wanted her to get. And perhaps on a deeper level, that impacted you in the way you feel she isn't listening to you, and actively tries to divert her attention from what you want to what she thinks you want. It's obvious you're hurting because you feel it's an attempt to define you, rather than let you define yourself. And that's perfectly understandable. It's not so much about the gifts as what they represent.
You don't sound like a bitch. We draw connections from all kinds of things. And it's a good thing that you were able to get out how you felt, rather than let it bubble inside. *hugs*
Don't be so hard on yourself, hon. :)
Thank you guys. This was really what was at the core of it. I sat down and spoke with my mother about it and she felt bad. It wasn't my goal to do so, but I wanted her to understand how I felt. While she is still against my transition and refuses to have a productive conversation about it, she acknowledged what happened and she wants to get me the little things I asked for. It's the sentimental aspect that mattered to me and hopefully we will slowly make some more progress. At the very least, I think my sisters better understand my feelings and realize how important my transition is to me and how sensitive I am to certain things.
P.S. I'm so happy to see you again Seph! :)
Quote from: FA on December 26, 2013, 09:41:23 AM
me too. :(
The holiday bloatage is common to all! :icon_tetter:
My mom is going to give the rest of the shrimp to my sister. Ugh, how horrible. All of that shrimp should be mine!
Quote from: Willow on December 25, 2013, 06:37:54 PM
My parents are making birthday plans for me.
It's my day, I think I should get the only say. All I want to do is dress as Willow. Really, that's it.
:icon_birthday:
Happy birthday Willow!
I'm feeling drained from all the socialization. At the same time, I keep thinking about things I shouldn't.
Quote from: Edge on December 26, 2013, 11:23:12 AM
I'm feeling drained from all the socialization. At the same time, I keep thinking about things I shouldn't.
Story of my life, you're not alone!
My house got paint-balled. :(
You have nothing to apologise for Willow. You know who you are and what your needs and wants are. If others don't get it that is their problem. Have a Happy Birthday sis.
Karen.
Don't have enough space to fit all the useless crap that was gifted to me for christmas in my suitcase. I don't want to hurt anybody by leaving anything here, but it would just be given away once I return anyways.
Seriously, I have no need for a popcorn popper. I have no room in my room for it either, or electrical sockets!
Packink also made me unhappy when I packed my unworn dress. I don't know when the next time I'll get to wear it is. I'm sure I can never wear it ever in front of mom.
Quote from: justmeinoz on December 27, 2013, 12:40:38 AMYou have nothing to apologise for Willow. You know who you are and what your needs and wants are. If others don't get it that is their problem. Have a Happy Birthday sis.
Karen.
Just feels like I'm breaking my parents apart with this, with their totally different attitudes on it. With the fact dad is sleeping on the couch the whole time. I know that I have done nothing wrong, but it just feels like being me is causing issues.
Quote from: Willow on December 27, 2013, 03:26:50 AM
Don't have enough space to fit all the useless crap that was gifted to me for christmas in my suitcase. I don't want to hurt anybody by leaving anything here, but it would just be given away once I return anyways.
Seriously, I have no need for a popcorn popper. I have no room in my room for it either, or electrical sockets!
Packink also made me unhappy when I packed my unworn dress. I don't know when the next time I'll get to wear it is. I'm sure I can never wear it ever in front of mom.
Were you able to be you on your birthday Honey?
Quote from: Cindy on December 27, 2013, 03:30:05 AMWere you able to be you on your birthday Honey?
No :(
I was told it was "my" birthday, not Willow's.
Quote from: Willow on December 27, 2013, 03:31:06 AM
No :(
I was told it was "my" birthday, not Willow's.
I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't add to your pain, my apologies.
One day you will be yourself in everyday life, soon honey soon!
Feel like spiralling into a black hole of manly darkness.
I still have 4 days left without HRT, but each one is worse than the previous. I am already sweating like crazy, as I used to do before the hormones. I find little relief in presenting female while feeling rotten inside. Also, I am torn between going or not out in New Year's Eve. I already have the black dress and I only need to find some heels my size, but...
- Going Out: Risk of record GD, as happened last year
- Stay at home: Feel depressed and crying all the night, blaming everything and everybody.
I'll start taking the hormones again in the morning of the 31st, but I don't think I will feel the effects so quickly.
Quote from: Cindy on December 27, 2013, 03:34:10 AMI'm so sorry. I hope I didn't add to your pain, my apologies.
One day you will be yourself in everyday life, soon honey soon!
No, it's fine. I've already been through this round of disappointment, it doesn't affect me as much this time round. And it's not you causing me the pain, it's my mother. I don't know what her problem is. Is being transgender a threat to her womanhood or something?
It may be sooner than you think; if I can get into the gender neutral housing at school, I'm amending my student ID and going full time.
Quote from: Dream Is Over on December 27, 2013, 03:34:48 AMFeel like spiralling into a black hole of manly darkness.
I still have 4 days left without HRT, but each one is worse than the previous. I am already sweating like crazy, as I used to do before the hormones. I find little relief in presenting female while feeling rotten inside. Also, I am torn between going or not out in New Year's Eve. I already have the black dress and I only need to find some heels my size, but...
- Going Out: Risk of record GD, as happened last year
- Stay at home: Feel depressed and crying all the night, blaming everything and everybody.
I'll start taking the hormones again in the morning of the 31st, but I don't think I will feel the effects so quickly.
You'll get through it, hon, I know you can!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw)
Quote from: Willow on December 27, 2013, 03:41:03 AM
ou'll get through it, hon, I know you can!
Not so sure... Also feeling like crap. I still can fit my tights, but my cardio resistance is long gone.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FhtnK7HG.jpg&hash=4d054b72ea620212771bf93371b31a8e149f0c10)
Aaaand.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F5wu177p.jpg&hash=6e459d107b116c8f9d1b74662603e3073b94c8c8)
No make-up, unshaven, no bra or whatever. In fact I haven't even washed my face or showered. I just took 10 minutes spinning to see If I still could hold. Not a lot. I'll have to start slow again.
BTW:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob16wCizOTo
If you try to translate it, you will find a nasty surprise...
Looking at the vanity topics. I think I need to add them to my ignore list. Its depressing as heck for me.
Upset stomach, general unhappiness, and I think I met my dad's new (not sure since when there together but I know it wasn't the one I knew of) girlfriend and I'm just feeling even more sick.
Looking at different forms of makeup and its making my head spin can't figure most of them out how to tell which ones suit my skintone as I do not know what my skintone is and I am not at a point where I feel I can go and ask someone so basically I can only blind buy.....if that is the right term. Frustration level growing. Also knowing that I know of other trans people around where I live but don't know any in person is bothering me alot also.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on December 27, 2013, 07:15:09 PM
Looking at different forms of makeup and its making my head spin can't figure most of them out how to tell which ones suit my skintone as I do not know what my skintone is and I am not at a point where I feel I can go and ask someone so basically I can only blind buy.....if that is the right term. Frustration level growing. Also knowing that I know of other trans people around where I live but don't know any in person is bothering me alot also.
This is gold: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,107457.msg806509.html#msg806509
Being alone all day. The few friends I have in this town are gone. I just saw my family but they are gone as well. My sister who used to live here is gone. I can't connect with people, I always feel like I don't belong. It feels like my support network is crumbling.
Missing two weeks of electrolysis because I still have this stupid cold.
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 27, 2013, 09:33:58 PM
Missing two weeks of electrolysis because I still have this stupid cold.
I wish I could complete my electro but the one local tech around here sucks.
My DVD player has bit the dust.
Crap.
Amelia Hope you feel better! :) Not to rub it in but I'am the only one in my house who doesn't have a cold. Weird because I am usually first to get sick.
Oh and realizing it was Friday only 2 hours ago...
Lots of wrong things going.
Opened my suitcase and there was a note from our most excellent friends at the TSA saying that they had hand inspected my bag because they thought that I had prohibited items. I'm already an embarrassment, now I'm embarrassed as well.
Carried some heavy things down stairs and I think I pulled a muscle in my arm; I can't even lift my coffee cup.
Heading to a big family gathering, and dad wants me to come out to family there. Not going to happen. I've already made some stupid decisions regarding transition, I don't want to make any more.
The driving was so wretched last night (high winds + lots of snow = zero visibility) that we ended up stopping for the night at a random motel on the highway.
Oh well, better safe than dead.
Realizing that my wife and oldest son will never understand how "innocent" things they say can cut me so deep. :'(
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 28, 2013, 01:40:13 PM
Realizing that my wife and oldest son will never understand how "innocent" things they say can cut me so deep. :'(
Sorry to hear that hon. The holidays can be so difficult.
I burned my dinner while posting here :(
Quote from: Anna++ on December 28, 2013, 06:06:20 PM
I burned my dinner while posting here :(
Sigh. I've done that, too.
My breast forms and pocketed bra are mounted and ready. Last time I wore that was in august when I lost my confidence at three months HRT in order to go to a party while trying to improve sex appeal.
I don't have a lot of confidence right now... I am even scared of taking the measuring tape and checking my breasts.
Having cheesesticks without marinara sauce
Family gatherings, where the children don't know about inappropriate touching. It's making me feel really dysphoric then they grab my...parts.
Quote from: Willow on December 28, 2013, 07:10:59 PM
Family gatherings, where the children don't know about inappropriate touching. It's making me feel really dysphoric then they grab my...parts.
EEp! I think some parents need to watch their kids.
I had an experience were a neighbor's granddaughter had a thing for not only inappropriate touching but would also hit me in inappropriate areas so I spoke up and that was the end of that stuff
Quote from: V M on December 28, 2013, 09:40:57 PM
I had an experience were a neighbor's granddaughter had a thing for not only inappropriate touching but would also hit me in inappropriate areas so I spoke up and that was the end of that stuff
Yeah, same thing. She called me a pussy when I hurt. She's 9, how does she know that word. Totally inappropriate.
oh wow....9. That's a little old to not know that kind of thing.... (the inappropriate touching)
Quote from: Willow on December 28, 2013, 10:18:47 PM
Yeah, same thing. She called me a pussy when I hurt. She's 9, how does she know that word. Totally inappropriate.
Irresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?
Quote from: V M on December 28, 2013, 10:38:59 PMIrresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?
I would get my ass beat of I ever did that.
I probably still would.
Quote from: V M on December 28, 2013, 10:38:59 PM
Irresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?
Kids push boundaries. There's a contemporary style of parenting that considers it chic and/or ironic to support or allow this (either tacitly or explicitly). I like to think these parents get their comeuppance when their kids hit adolescence.
Quote from: GeWnYnNyNwEg on December 28, 2013, 10:49:26 PM
I like to think these parents get their comeuppance when their kids hit adolescence.
That's what I've seen most of the time. If I had kids, I would kick their ass without hesitation if they got out of line. Screw all of that crap about "being your kid's friend" or just not giving a damn, in general.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 28, 2013, 10:52:20 PM
That's what I've seen most of the time. If I had kids, I would kick their ass without hesitation if they got out of line. Screw all of that crap about "being your kid's friend" or just not giving a damn, in general.
Teaching would be great if not for the parents.
I can't tell you how frustrating it is to try to guide and shape a child's behaviour (positively), only to have mom and dad defend their little angel's right to act howeverthehelltheyplease. :(
Quote from: V M on December 28, 2013, 10:38:59 PM
Irresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?
The worst kind.
Found out that my mother and step-father after 28 years of marriage are getting divorced. On top of that, my step-sister tried to frame my mother of outing me to my wife's parent's who don't know I'm transitioning yet. (We plan to tell them in person if February when we visit them in TN.) She did this to try to break up my mother's and I relationship which has been the best it's been in 5 years partially as a result of me coming out to her (a very positive experience.)
My lower back and legs hurt getting out of bed. They're fine now... I think I was a bit dehydrated (must drink more after getting up at 3 am for pp)!
Quote from: Sydney_NYC on December 28, 2013, 11:41:47 PM
Found out that my mother and step-father after 28 years of marriage are getting divorced. On top of that, my step-sister tried to frame my mother of outing me to my wife's parent's who don't know I'm transitioning yet. (We plan to tell them in person if February when we visit them in TN.) She did this to try to break up my mother's and I relationship which has been the best it's been in 5 years partially as a result of me coming out to her (a very positive experience.)
I now picture you as Cinderella ♥ :D
I want to cry but only rage comes out.
maybe a really sad song will help...
Seeing someone else happy and in a better place in life and my inability to be genuinely thankful for knowing them and happy that thing's are looking up because of my own selfishness and jealousy. I've worked hard to remedy this behaviour and it reallly hasn't gotten better.
Quote from: caleb. on December 28, 2013, 11:07:56 PM
The worst kind.
Nah. The worst kind are parents who will proudly talk about their bad parenting as if it's something everyone should do while standing back and judging parents who are doing the best they can.
Or people without kids who paint all kids and parents with the same brush, are unable to differentiate between parents who don't care about their kids and parents who are doing the best they can, and have some crazy idea that kids are easy. I have heard some seriously stupid things.
Quote from: SlateRDays on December 29, 2013, 09:08:11 AM
Seeing someone else happy and in a better place in life and my inability to be genuinely thankful for knowing them and happy that thing's are looking up because of my own selfishness and jealousy. I've worked hard to remedy this behaviour and it reallly hasn't gotten better.
Well you'll just have to concede that you are indeed a human being with normal human thoughts and emotions. At least you recognize your own shortcomings and want to remedy it, many of us don't seem to ever get to that place, so good for you!
Got dragged to the shops with my mother, I've actually got money that I don't mind spending on clothes for once, but there was nothing that would ever fit me properly. If I'm going to buy clothes new they've got to actually fit. There were a few in my size, but I didn't like them, and there were some decent kids clothes, but despite being in the 5-14 year olds section they never went up past an age 10. There were too many people with the sales so I disappeared and sat in the car for half an hour. I did end up getting a dog coat though.
Quote from: Casey Danielle on December 29, 2013, 04:43:29 PM
Thinking about how coming out could affect relationships within my family. I had given thought to how I would feel if nobody accepted me and if everyone accepted me. I never really thought about if some do and some don't and how that could mess things up between people. I'm ok with losing certain people from my life, but possibly causing relationships between other people to weaken or end is not something I know I can handle.
We've all wrestled with this Casey, it's not easy ever, wishing you well regardless!
Quote from: Casey Danielle on December 29, 2013, 04:43:29 PM
Thinking about how coming out could affect relationships within my family. I had given thought to how I would feel if nobody accepted me and if everyone accepted me. I never really thought about if some do and some don't and how that could mess things up between people. I'm ok with losing certain people from my life, but possibly causing relationships between other people to weaken or end is not something I know I can handle.
You are not responsible for other peoples relationships. Sometimes strife makes a relationship stronger, sometimes it weakens it. How it is handled is up to the people in that relationship, not you.
Quote from: V M on December 28, 2013, 10:38:59 PM
Irresponsible creepy adults who think it's 'cute' when their creepy little brat misbehaves?
^This!
I mean, my parents NEVER let me act up in public and weren't afraid to let me have it if I did. And I have ADD.
I was just at the mall and some of those brats were really getting on my nerves running around, literally stepping on my toes and screaming at the tops of their lungs.
What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants. If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care. It's my fault for going there in the first place. But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax. And I mean Jillax. Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable. And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear.
My two year old attempted to use the adult toilet. She missed, and it wasn't number one.
I wasn't touching that mess. Thankfully my mother cleaned it up and bleached the area.
Quote from: Jill F on December 29, 2013, 07:23:04 PM
^This!
I mean, my parents NEVER let me act up in public and weren't afraid to let me have it if I did. And I have ADD.
I was just at the mall and some of those brats were really getting on my nerves running around, literally stepping on my toes and screaming at the tops of their lungs.
What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants. If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care. It's my fault for going there in the first place. But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax. And I mean Jillax. Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable. And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear.
It's a little different when over 30 people were piled into my uncle's house.
Not really, Willow. Kids are taught at home and through their lives on how to behave. It needs to be continued and watchful parents at gatherings.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 29, 2013, 07:35:19 PMNot really, Willow. Kids are taught at home and through their lives on how to behave. It needs to be continued and watchful parents at gatherings.
I was the only one over 18 who didn't have an excess of alcohol. My family drinks waaaaaay to much. No wonder they didn't are what their kids were doing.
No excuse, though.
Quote from: Jill F on December 29, 2013, 07:23:04 PM
What REALLY gets to me is people who let their kids run wild and scream at restaurants. If it's fast food or hightly unfancy, I don't care. It's my fault for going there in the first place. But when I'm out dropping over a hundred bucks on dinner, I would like to relax. And I mean Jillax. Some snot nosed punk trying to hide under my table while I'm eating is unfreakingacceptable. And when it's after 9PM, those rugrats should be in bed and not screaming in my ear.
For normally developing children, I absolutely agree. The challenge comes in when dealing with atypically developing children--notably those with ASD. Parenting a child with ASD (which, full disclosure, I do) is very difficult. By definition, they have very poor awareness of social conventions and expectations and many have extreme sensory needs (sensory-seeking or sensory-avoidant). Couple these together and what do you get? Self-stimming behaviour that can be quite loud and, frankly, obnoxious.
While attempting to eat in restaurants, my son has:-run away from the table starting a game of "catch me if you can"
-spun in circles
-thrown food
-entered the kitchen without permission
-screamed at the top of his lungs
-had to be carried out to the car (repeatedly)
-refused to come out from under the table
-refused to come down from the top of the booth bench
the list goes on...
I can assure you with absolute confidence that never once have I enjoyed or supported these behaviours. Unfortunately, that is my son's authentic response to his reality and I have to accept and respect it (as we expect others to accept and respect
our difference). We have always responded with firm, but compassionate, reinforcement of expectations, which often changes
very little nothing in the moment.
Fine, you say. But why would you bring a kid like this to a nice restaurant?
Short answer #1: because exposure and explicit training are the only way these kids learn how to behave. Keep them home where they won't bother people and you might as well write them off. :-\
Short answer #2: because parenting a high-needs child is exhausting and cause a lot of anxiety. Striving for normal adult living is natural, normal, and healthy.
Point of the rant: next time you see a kid behaving abhorrently in a restaurant, it might be because mum and dad have poor parenting skills and it might be because the child's neurochemistry and brain structure makes it the best they can manage.
Quote from: Willow on December 29, 2013, 07:40:14 PM
I was the only one over 18 who didn't have an excess of alcohol. My family drinks waaaaaay to much. No wonder they didn't are what their kids were doing.
No excuse, though.
Exactly, no excuse. If the kids were taught how to behave, they would have come close to doing so even if their parents were a bit inebriated.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 29, 2013, 08:09:39 PMExactly, no excuse. If the kids were taught how to behave, they would have come close to doing so even if their parents were a bit inebriated.
Try severely. Waaaay too many drinks per person. And I assume this doesn't happen just at family gatherings. No wonder the children are so terribly behaved.
No wonder that alcohol thing I had to do for school said I should seek counseling to prevent alcoholism, saying I was at a high risk.
That alone would be enough to keep me away. The dysphoria would add to it and I would just not go. But that is me and what I have done.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 29, 2013, 08:25:46 PM
That alone would be enough to keep me away. The dysphoria would add to it and I would just not go. But that is me and what I have done.
I didn't have a choice.
Quote from: Willow on December 29, 2013, 08:36:06 PM
I didn't have a choice.
I learned a long time ago that everything is a choice. I do mean everything. It is usually the consequences that make it seem not a choice. The decision to be your self and not go where you feel uncomfortable is a sane and correct choice. At least it was for me. I realize that you are depending on your family for money and schooling. That too is a choice.
Missed a call from Shy. :/
Quote from: Malachite on December 29, 2013, 08:58:34 PM
Missed a call from Shy. :/
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.noooooo.info%2Fdarthvadernooo.jpg&hash=b6d16bf0e7ef98d4e46629dcbedcce7761a56cf1)
Sorry man. *HUGS*
Quote from: Gwynne on December 29, 2013, 07:57:17 PM
For normally developing children, I absolutely agree. The challenge comes in when dealing with atypically developing children--notably those with ASD. Parenting a child with ASD (which, full disclosure, I do) is very difficult. By definition, they have very poor awareness of social conventions and expectations and many have extreme sensory needs (sensory-seeking or sensory-avoidant). Couple these together and what do you get? Self-stimming behaviour that can be quite loud and, frankly, obnoxious.
While attempting to eat in restaurants, my son has:
-run away from the table starting a game of "catch me if you can"
-spun in circles
-thrown food
-entered the kitchen without permission
-screamed at the top of his lungs
-had to be carried out to the car (repeatedly)
-refused to come out from under the table
-refused to come down from the top of the booth bench
the list goes on...
I can assure you with absolute confidence that never once have I enjoyed or supported these behaviours. Unfortunately, that is my son's authentic response to his reality and I have to accept and respect it (as we expect others to accept and respect our difference). We have always responded with firm, but compassionate, reinforcement of expectations, which often changes very little nothing in the moment.
Fine, you say. But why would you bring a kid like this to a nice restaurant?
Short answer #1: because exposure and explicit training are the only way these kids learn how to behave. Keep them home where they won't bother people and you might as well write them off. :-\
Short answer #2: because parenting a high-needs child is exhausting and cause a lot of anxiety. Striving for normal adult living is natural, normal, and healthy.
Point of the rant: next time you see a kid behaving abhorrently in a restaurant, it might be because mum and dad have poor parenting skills and it might be because the child's neurochemistry and brain structure makes it the best they can manage.
Thanks for the reality check.
Quote from: Jill F on December 29, 2013, 09:03:47 PM
Thanks for the reality check.
I hope I didn't come across as antagonistic. :-\
Quote from: Amelia Pond on December 29, 2013, 09:00:07 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.noooooo.info%2Fdarthvadernooo.jpg&hash=b6d16bf0e7ef98d4e46629dcbedcce7761a56cf1)
My thoughts exactly.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight, and that's to always keep my cell phone on me.
-HUGS-
I feel like this kitten
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fuv6gkWq.jpg&hash=1d7ab96cc7863517a640a3974f20d5558986253a)
Soft, cuddly and alone? Also very cute.
Just very lonely. I want someone very special in my life. But being trans, pre everything on top of that, makes it extremely difficult to attract potential mates.
I hear that. I'm beginning to think loneliness is my best friend. I'm older though. You are young and will find someone, just might not be time for that yet.
I look at everyone my age, even younger, like my sister, and see them involved in relationships of some sort, no matter how meaningless. Just feels like I'm missing out, like I need someone to fill a void in my heart.
Believe me, I can relate. I even tried a bad relationship to try to get past it. Big mistake, right from the start. You are loved, and the more you head into transitioning, the more you will find people who love you for the person you are and really want to be with you. It is a bit of a lonely journey but worth it in the end. Keeping yourself occupied with a hobby or work can help a lot. Video games can be all consuming and for a time get your mind off of yourself. Volunteer work keeps you occupied and bonus, lets you meet people who may feel good around you.
Quote from: Willow on December 30, 2013, 01:09:33 AM
I look at everyone my age, even younger, like my sister, and see them involved in relationships of some sort, no matter how meaningless. Just feels like I'm missing out, like I need someone to fill a void in my heart.
It will happen honey. I had given up on ever meeting a guy who wanted me for being me, and then I was invited to yet another business meeting. I got there and it was just him and I and a private table. I looked at him rather quizzically and he just said - well if I'd asked you for a date you would have refused.
Never say never
Quote from: LordKAT on December 30, 2013, 01:14:13 AM
Believe me, I can relate. I even tried a bad relationship to try to get past it. Big mistake, right from the start. You are loved, and the more you head into transitioning, the more you will find people who love you for the person you are and really want to be with you. It is a bit of a lonely journey but worth it in the end. Keeping yourself occupied with a hobby or work can help a lot. Video games can be all consuming and for a time get your mind off of yourself. Volunteer work keeps you occupied and bonus, lets you meet people who may feel good around you.
I have school to deal with. That's good and bad because I'm occupied, but never really. My mind wanders during lectures, to things relating to transition, dreams of being treated like a woman romantically and sexually. And then my grades slip, my dad gets angry, amd there goes any chance of money.
TBH a relationship would just worsen things, because pretty much the only people who really want to be with preops are ->-bleeped-<-s and would just want to touch me in areas I don't want touched.
Quote from: Cindy on December 30, 2013, 01:17:30 AM
It will happen honey. I had given up on ever meeting a guy who wanted me for being me, and then I was invited to yet another business meeting. I got there and it was just him and I and a private table. I looked at him rather quizzically and he just said - well if I'd asked you for a date you would have refused.
Never say never
I kinda just want one of those fickle teenage relationships that I never had, just so I can say I did it once. But it won't feel right.
Right now I'd do anything just to cuddle with someone on the couch.
I never had a teen relationship either. So, all I got is a furry KAT snuggle for you. You are far from alone in your feelings. Unfortunately, that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. Trans issues taking up your mindspace when you need to deal with school is hard. I never got to finish. When your mind does wander in school, tell yourself later. When you get home, take a mind wandering break before homework. Maybe that will help.
Not being able to sleep. >:(
Same. I think I'm developing a non-24 hour sleep pattern.
Well that sucks. :( *HUG*
I guess I'm gonna go try again. See you in an hour. ::)
Have you tried anything to help you sleep?
Quote from: Willow on December 30, 2013, 03:05:26 AM
Have you tried anything to help you sleep?
Yesterday I tried to counter the imsonia with Lorazepam. Did not work, and I payed it the next morning with a stomach ache. So I'm doing spinning, crunches, squats... The only idea I have now is to tire the body with exercise, but this night I'm not sleeping. HRT again tomorrow!
Quote from: Willow on December 30, 2013, 03:05:26 AM
Have you tried anything to help you sleep?
Not much helps. If I can't sleep, I just can't sleep. :-\ I did manage to fall asleep earlier though.
For sleep, try to stay away from lunesta or other narcotic sleep meds. They'll make you trip balls @-@, no seriously, it's pretty bad. Take a bunch of antihistamines like benadryll. They'll knock you out right quick, just take like 3 of them.
What made me unhappy today is noticing how fast my body hair grows back. Also how annoying my dysphoria is. I can't go into any social situation without feeling jealous of other women, and then that makes me focus on how hairy and muscular I am. :-\
a relative was severely injured in a scooter accident this morning. We are hoping she's not going to become a paraplegic, but even more we are hoping she survives of course. I don't really know her, but she's my uncle's niece. Her mother i do know personally. This is just typical of 2013. The worst year i've ever had. I'm not going to celebrate New Year's Eve, it's going to be a low key affair, i just want some peace and quiet.
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, the Human Flanger on December 30, 2013, 12:10:00 PM
a relative was severely injured in a scooter accident this morning. We are hoping she's not going to become a paraplegic, but even more we are hoping she survives of course. I don't really know her, but she's my uncle's niece. Her mother i do know personally. This is just typical of 2013. The worst year i've ever had. I'm not going to celebrate New Year's Eve, it's going to be a low key affair, i just want some peace and quiet.
Sorry to hear that hon. Thinking of your family.
Quote from: FA on December 30, 2013, 12:25:17 PM
Sorry to hear that hon. Thinking of your family.
Me too, hope she's going to be OK!
Quote from: Zóôt Al-Lúrês, the Human Flanger on December 30, 2013, 12:10:00 PM
a relative was severely injured in a scooter accident this morning. We are hoping she's not going to become a paraplegic, but even more we are hoping she survives of course. I don't really know her, but she's my uncle's niece. Her mother i do know personally. This is just typical of 2013. The worst year i've ever had. I'm not going to celebrate New Year's Eve, it's going to be a low key affair, i just want some peace and quiet.
I hope 2014 turns around 2013 for you and your family! Good luck to your relative - I hope she pulls through and comes out ahead! ♥
Seeing these girls in front of me, with their $125 Hunter rainboots, bags from Victoria's Secret, Soma, Bath and Body Works, and von Maur just serve to rind me how much great shopping there is within a 2 minute walk from my dad's place, but that I have no access to it.
I'm dog sitting tonight (again) and my poor little puppy friend is very scared and homesick. I'm trying to calm his crying, but he's too upset. Oh well, he usually calms down after I hold him for an hour, lol. It's going to be one of those nights. Good things I'm a dog lover. :)
Quote from: learningtolive on December 30, 2013, 05:06:25 PM
I'm dog sitting tonight (again) and my poor little puppy friend is very scared and homesick. I'm trying to calm his crying, but he's too upset. Oh well, he usually calms down after I hold him for an hour, lol. It's going to be one of those nights. Good things I'm a dog lover. :)
aww do we get a pic?
My sister has been admitted to the hospital and must stay over night.
My drunken mother that feels the need to control everything and everyone. -hisses-
Dad and his girlfriend are making dinner plans for tomorrow night. And I'm not invited.
Quote from: Willow on December 30, 2013, 08:44:26 PM
Dad and his girlfriend are making dinner plans for tomorrow night. And I'm not invited.
I thought you just said you don't like being around them....
Quote from: learningtolive on December 30, 2013, 05:06:25 PM
I'm dog sitting tonight (again) and my poor little puppy friend is very scared and homesick. I'm trying to calm his crying, but he's too upset. Oh well, he usually calms down after I hold him for an hour, lol. It's going to be one of those nights. Good things I'm a dog lover. :)
Separation anxiety. Keep the puppy close and reassure him you are there for him.
Quote from: Casey Danielle on December 30, 2013, 08:45:04 PMI thought you just said you don't like being around them....
Free food is good food. I'd rather be around them than go hungry, or worse, spend money that I need for other things on food.
I don't know... I feel like I shouldn't be unhappy but I am. Maybe it will pass.
to help cheer you up
*throws snowball* Splatt
i took over 130 pictures in my various dresses with my various pumps and all of the pictures make me look hideous, serious damper on wanting to go to NYE party en femme
Quote from: kiaraja on December 31, 2013, 05:00:58 AM
i took over 130 pictures in my various dresses with my various pumps and all of the pictures make me look hideous, serious damper on wanting to go to NYE party en femme
Cheer up, if you look anything like the beauty in your avatar it should be simple to pull off successfully!
Quote from: FA on December 30, 2013, 05:10:40 PM
aww do we get a pic?
I'd share an image, but I can't attach the picture for some reason. It seems I have no idea how to attach something that is saved locally without a link. In any event, he was okay after some time. He fell asleep in my arms! It was so cute! :) It's my mom's boyfriend's dog, so I watch him a lot. It's nice, but it makes me miss my Mr. Shadow (the most adorable doggie ever). Now I'm missing my big little puppy today. :( I'll be okay though.
Eh, I still haven't received an update on my job status. I suppose I'll have to wait until after this week because of all the holidays. To be honest, I expected that I'd have a month hiatus, but the whole hiring freeze right in time for my transfer/promotion and the need for the CFO's approval is making me worry. Hopefully I'll be okay because the position I am to fill is really necessary for the practice I work for and they can't realistically cut our staff at this time. We are getting a whole other practitioner to work with us. We have 5 doctors (sort of) working in the practice, so it's insanely busy and the work is only going to increase. They really can't afford to downsize the staff and remove the position I'm going to fill. Plus, my office manager is pulling for me, but the company lost a lot of money from the ACA and they are really trying to cut costs wherever they can justify it. Therefore, I really have no idea what will happen. Freaking out big time! Maybe I'll grow a money tree, lol.
Quote from: learningtolive on December 31, 2013, 11:42:36 AM
I'd share an image, but I can't attach the picture for some reason. It seems I have no idea how to attach something that is saved locally without a link.
Nobody can, there is no way. People just upload to Flickr or another picture uploading site and link.
Amy's gone... >:( :icon_cry: :icon_cry2:
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 31, 2013, 09:49:07 PM
Who is Amy?
Amelia Pond. :(
EDIT: Casey you're so quick :D Love the new picture!
Why do you say she's gone? :-\
Quote from: Gwynne on December 31, 2013, 09:59:35 PM
Why do you say she's gone? :-\
Amelia was banned from Susans. I'm not sure why but I'll miss her!
My dad is very embarrassing. I'm not affiliated with him.
GD kicking in again..
Plus anxiety about telling my parents.
At least its not as bad as last time...
Sayre's Law
Never knew you to be an academic.
For Sayre:
lasciate ogni speranza
Quote from: Willow on December 31, 2013, 10:13:37 PM
My dad is very embarrassing. I'm not affiliated with him.
WOW! That's what my son says to me! ;D
Quote from: Cindy on January 01, 2014, 01:37:26 AM
For Sayre:
lasciate ogni speranza
How do you handle it? :-\
Can't do it, it was the only good thing from Pandora's box.
I'm having a terrible night. I am in a really bad/sad mood and I can't seem to shake it. I've basically thrown myself into playing Resident Evil games because the stories are something I can get into deep enough that I forget about everything else.
For the moment I'd be happy if I could pull together enough focus to clean my room.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 01, 2014, 02:29:50 AM
:D
Now that's the Ninth Circle.
You can be 6/7 and look?
Quote from: caleb. on January 01, 2014, 02:38:48 AM
I'm having a terrible night. I am in a really bad/sad mood and I can't seem to shake it. I've basically thrown myself into playing Resident Evil games because the stories are something I can get into deep enough that I forget about everything else.
For the moment I'd be happy if I could pull together enough focus to clean my room.
Hugs. You OK?
I woke up and realized nothing changed.
Quote from: Cindy on January 01, 2014, 03:00:17 AM
Hugs. You OK?
*hugs* Thanks Cindy. I will be OK. I'm just thinking about how this year could be very difficult as I will be having two surgeries and have to hold down a job in the meanwhile...that should be interesting.
Quote from: Cindy on January 01, 2014, 02:59:07 AM
You can be 6/7 and look?
Sixth circle: I'm a heretic, alright.
That's roughly my strategy: sit back and watch, play anthropologist, and effect policy where I reasonably can. :-\
It's kind of a buzz kill when I'm really happy and share it and then someone comments that I am "different." From what? I haven't changed at all. I've always had a full range of emotions that include happiness and I've been repeatedly saying I love being me for the past couple years. What did they think I was like before?
Quote from: Edge on January 01, 2014, 11:55:50 AM
It's kind of a buzz kill when I'm really happy and share it and then someone comments that I am "different." From what? I haven't changed at all. I've always had a full range of emotions that include happiness and I've been repeatedly saying I love being me for the past couple years. What did they think I was like before?
see: confirmation bias
Quote from: Gwynne on January 01, 2014, 01:50:32 PM
see: confirmation bias
Would you mind elaborating on that and how it relates?
I keep forgetting to take my hormones after two weeks off them. I should be more concerned, but... Too bad the endo would not prescribe me injections.
Good news bad news today I found out about today. Yesterday my parents are seeking marriage counseling (to save their marriage of 28 years) and they agreed to work things out. They went to celebrate their re-union and my mother tripped over the parking stopper thing, fell and shattered half of her hipbone. She had hip replacement surgery and recovered from surgery, but will have a 9 month healing time.
Quote from: Edge on January 01, 2014, 02:07:03 PM
Would you mind elaborating on that and how it relates?
Sorry for the delay:
I'm suggesting that people often see what they expect to see and that includes their assessment of people's emotions and behaviours. Perhaps, people are seeing you "differently" in terms of these factors because changes in your presentation are causing them more dissonance. Sorry is that's unclear. :-\
Sorry to hear about your mother Sydny. I hope it doesn't cause too much problem with your parents seeking counseling. 9 months is a long healing time when you are under emotional stress, it is long enough without it.
Quote from: Switzerland on January 01, 2014, 09:55:25 PM
Sorry for the delay:
I'm suggesting that people often see what they expect to see and that includes their assessment of people's emotions and behaviours. Perhaps, people are seeing you "differently" in terms of these factors because changes in your presentation are causing them more dissonance. Sorry is that's unclear. :-\
Thanks. That may be part of it. I've always thought it was some form of negativity bias or something else that makes people only focus on/see the negative. I've had problems with people before because of it (sometimes to ridiculous extents).
My best friend/ex-gf is a Domme and doesn't want to claim me right now but she's stringing me along, giving me orders, pushing all my sub buttons. And I can't do it... I can't wait for her, because she may never claim me. Meanwhile, because of this, I may have sabotaged my chances with a great Dom. >_< Shooting myself in both my feet here...
Knocked over my last Sprite and some of it wasted on my shirt. Ugh! What a waste
My voice is too damn high. I still hear female in it. *sigh*
I was trying to log into a certain site to update my resume. It was a job-helping site from high school almost 4 years ago and I didn't remember my password or username so I put in all of the possibilities and I just ended up locking myself out of the system. I should have just created a new account. I hope it unlocks soon.
Realising I am coming up on a year on HRT and feeling like I haven't changed at all visually, my chest a little but nothing in my face.
My ISP has apparently been blacklisted on the CBL for hosting a trojanhorse. I can't go on Susan's chat now.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 02, 2014, 09:28:17 AM
Realising I am coming up on a year on HRT and feeling like I haven't changed at all visually, my chest a little but nothing in my face.
The young ones have the most immediate responses, older takes longer and we're mostly stuck with what has been masculinized by long term testosterone until we are able to shell out a small fortune for FFS.
Today in the new Caretaking Center I went to everyone was so freaking pumped about me being a guy, so I'm strong and I can do all the guy stuff the girls don't wanna do but always have to. I couldn't decide between crying and breaking their nose so instead I got drunk when I got home.
Bad headache, well I woke up congested and aching all over plus I suspect that one end or the other is gearing up to spew 8)
Quote from: V M on January 02, 2014, 01:14:02 PM
Bad headache, well I woke up congested and aching all over plus I suspect that one end or the other is gearing up to spew 8)
:( sounds awful. hang in there hon.
Upset because of the way I responded in some threads. While I hate being misunderstood and being seen as a thoughtless and selfish person, I should have further considered my response and said things in a way that I meant to rather than a bitter way. Now, I feel like I came across as a mean, nasty, emotional bitch because of recklessness and less consideration of my words. I suppose I can be one and have to learn more for that, but I always mess up and there should be no secret as to why people don't like me. I always feel bad when I react with emotion the way I do at times and it makes me come across poorly. Plus, I don't like hurting the feelings of other people and ruin their experience here, but I seem to have that effect quite frequently on this forum. So, I made myself unhappy today because I suck and might have hurt people. I hate doing that and its exactly what I don't want to do here, but I always do it. Eh.....
Quote from: Casey Danielle on January 02, 2014, 12:06:10 PM
My ISP has apparently been blacklisted on the CBL for hosting a trojanhorse. I can't go on Susan's chat now.
Go here: http://whatismyipaddress.com/
Click on the "blacklist check" button and follow the directions to get unblacklisted
Came out to my mom......
My boss and almost stepmom is in surgery for the aneurysm. I hope she gets through it ok, still will be a long recovery period even if everything goes ok though.
Quote from: Emo on January 02, 2014, 03:31:37 PMCame out to my mom......
I'm assuming since you're posting here that it didn't go so so well :(
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Quote from: n/a on January 02, 2014, 04:23:20 PM
My boss and almost stepmom is in surgery for the aneurysm. I hope she gets through it ok, still will be a long recovery period even if everything goes ok though.
As a Paramedic I know what that is. Hope she does well and has no lingering effects. May her rehab be short! PM if you need to talk.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 02, 2014, 04:52:09 PM
As a Paramedic I know what that is. Hope she does well and has no lingering effects. May her rehab be short! PM if you need to talk.
After work I went by her house and talked to her niece and apparently, its been bleeding for about a week, they estimate. She has a history of heart trouble and she is 70 years old. She was in a 15 year relationship with my dad before he passed, so I've known her a long time and consider her a part of my family. So its more than just someone at work. I'm hoping for the best, but very worried.
I had weird dysphoria-related dreams. I had a dream where I was pantsless and walking through a mall and had to interact with people. I was talking to these old ladies and kind of trying to hold my shirt down to cover my junk...but I felt everyone knew...and then the old lady said "you're such a nice young man, most guys wouldn't take the time to talk to us like this."
Then I had pants on but was shaved, head to toe, and was in a high school. I was chilling on these couches in a resting area and I saw this girl and she started talking to me. I wanted to ask her out. But I just kept talking about stuff and she started resting her head on my shoulder and cuddling up with me. I was like "omg no way." But my confidence got shot and I walked off. As I walked off, she ran up to me, kissed my lips, and then walked away.
FML I hate feeling inbetween! And with the girl? SO what would happen in real life. It has happened in real life actually, minus the kiss.
Went to the doctors about my depression and anxiety, they decided to keep me on the same medication I'm already on, despite it not working, because they claim there is a "chance" that they will start working. Also had to put myself in even more in debt to get a little money, and spent most of the day asleep. Although, I guess since I was asleep most of the time I didn't really get much of a chance to be unhappy!
CaitGSith, have you checked out skills based therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy? I found it helped me a lot.
Quote from: Edge on January 02, 2014, 09:44:31 PM
CaitGSith, have you checked out skills based therapy such as cognitive behavioural therapy? I found it helped me a lot.
I have been to some CBT in the past, but they put me into completely the wrong thing so it was no help. Mental health services have been trying to help again, so I'm currently waiting to hear back on another course which will apparently be a bit more suitable, and I've been referred to an actual psychologist, but I'm stuck waiting another 2 years for that. Had problems since I was a kid, and it's taken them until recently to acknowledge them really, and that's just for the anxiety/depression side of things, they haven't even started to help with gender things yet! Good old NHS mental health care!
Quote from: Shantel on January 02, 2014, 12:10:44 PM
The young ones have the most immediate responses, older takes longer and we're mostly stuck with what has been masculinized by long term testosterone until we are able to shell out a small fortune for FFS.
I understand that but it feels like it isn't always the case as there are members here who have started at an age a few years older than me and they seem to have near immediate results.
Quote from: CaitGSith on January 02, 2014, 09:56:25 PM
I have been to some CBT in the past, but they put me into completely the wrong thing so it was no help. Mental health services have been trying to help again, so I'm currently waiting to hear back on another course which will apparently be a bit more suitable, and I've been referred to an actual psychologist, but I'm stuck waiting another 2 years for that. Had problems since I was a kid, and it's taken them until recently to acknowledge them really, and that's just for the anxiety/depression side of things, they haven't even started to help with gender things yet! Good old NHS mental health care!
Good grief. The mental health system really needs to be fixed.
internet connection keeps messing up
It feels like my entire class is on the edge of a nervous breakdown... We've really got way to much to do and to little support to do it. I've turned into the resident classtherapist but it's really getting me down that so many good and hardworking students are just losing there motivation and get so stressed out. We've got a ton of sick people at the moment and most of them are sick because of stress and exhaustion... I wish I could do more for them :(
My father is still pressing me to buy a home, that he would lend me 55% of the entry fee...
No matter how much I try to explain, he does as if he could not hear me: Expending 30.000€ means saying goodbay to my transition saving. I'd have my own home, but it would take me years to pay for everything, including SRS and FFS. I'd be stuck in transition hell forever. As far as I am now that I have the money, I could be "finished" by January 2015.
God, I want to cry. To him, having a home is more important than my own body. Does he not understand that completing transition would improve my possibilities of finding a job?
Dont buy the house,,,,its not worth it...just rent an appartment,,,
I don't even want to buy. He bases his claim in that the monthly fees would be cheaper than what I pay renting (It is expensive), but I just want to find a cheaper place to rent. I keep telling him that I am in full mobility mode (I'll travel to wherever they offer me a job, all the EU territory), and what purpose does buying serve if I will have to rent in another place because there is no work here. "You could sell it later". "And lose money?"
The problem is the usual: A renting bubble. Renting did not start to be considered an interesting option (it is stigmatised here, same as with the gender diversity) until people could no afford buying a home anymore. So now buying is "cheap" and renting expensive.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 03, 2014, 11:32:45 AM
I don't even want to buy. He bases his claim in that the monthly fees would be cheaper than what I pay renting (It is expensive), but I just want to find a cheaper place to rent. I keep telling him that I am in full mobility mode (I'll travel to wherever they offer me a job, all the EU territory), and what purpose does buying serve if I will have to rent in another place because there is no work here. "You could sell it later". "And lose money?"
Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to buy so you'll stay close?
I've never seen my parents more stressed than when I told them I was in"full mobility mode".
Quote from: Gwynne on January 03, 2014, 11:35:10 AM
Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to buy so you'll stay close?
I've never seen my parents more stressed than when I told them I was in"full mobility mode".
I don't think so, or they would oppose to me trying to work in Prague. They are still overprotective about me, just that their overprotection idea identifies transition as an enemy as long as it means being attacked by people and lowering my job finding expectations. For them, the right thing to do is having a work and a home on property, and then living until you get old. I won't talk about them being so close minded about any kind of surgery.... When I talk about it, it is as if he was blacklisting those word. Since he still won't recognise my new persona as more than a costume and he won't even try to remember my old name (He believes to have full authority to call me whatever he wants "Just forgive me for doing it and bear with it"), I won't even mention the word vaginoplasty, or even getting fake boobs.
You know, I used to be so much against breast augmentations and preferring everything natural... Until you are stuck with an A. The best thing is that after FFS, BA and SRS his request of me dressing male to visit them will be useless since my appearance will be fully female no matter what I wear.
In the end, what he does not understand is that if I don't finish, GD will have again such an impact in my life that story will repeat again. I need to finish, be legally (and physically) female, and live a semi normal life.
And i can't tell more. I just went out in no make up and looking male because I was in a hurry and now I'm paying the price in GD.
Just particularly lonely today. What a useless emotion.
Quote from: Edge on January 03, 2014, 12:28:59 PM
Just particularly lonely today. What a useless emotion.
Hugs
Mother playing the depressing news loud on the radio.
I'm having trouble writing a cover letter and can't seem to find a good sample one online. There are so many different ones that I don't know which to choose from. There also isn't just one hiring manager at the job I'm trying to apply for so when I called the lady at the human resourc department, she just told me to put to whom it may concern, which seems like a BIG no-no. I'm going to just say Dear Hiring Manager as it seems a bit more personal.
Also, my house phones aren't working
Knowing that I have to drive with my father's girlfriend tommorrow to practice.
the last few weeks have been hard and lonely, without internet or friends, all alone...
Quote from: Xhianil on January 03, 2014, 05:33:47 PMthe last few weeks have been hard and lonely, without internet or friends, all alone...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
Quote from: Willow on January 03, 2014, 05:59:14 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femo%2Fhug%2Fhugging.gif&hash=00bebd2976a1a921d7683a93e6d5e027bb97de78)
thanks willow, i just wish it wasent so easy to lose my last lifeline...
Quote from: Xhianil on January 03, 2014, 06:18:22 PMthanks willow, i just wish it wasent so easy to lose my last lifeline...
Do you have a cell phone? PM me if so, we can text.
wondered where that snake had gone.....
Missed ya.
Was scared a bit about someone i thought i loved.. I dont know if i can now.. I feel bad. Not for myself.. But for this lost love.
Or maybe i just need sleep...
Quote from: Emo on January 04, 2014, 04:34:02 AM
Was scared a bit about someone i thought i loved.. I dont know if i can now.. I feel bad. Not for myself.. But for this lost love.
Or maybe i just need sleep...
"For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'."
-John Greenleaf Whittier
or take a nap.
Now I remember, Monday is a high temp if -15 F with windchills of -55 F, and they still expect my car to start and take me to work and back. The area is shutting down with all the advisories, the schools are closed, why only custodians have to work on such a stupid day.
Someone I haven't met in person but that I find I care about has just been through a break up and I just want to be there to help but I am so far away. But also wondering if that is weird?
Woke up with this bad anxious feeling in my chest.
Nevertheless, I have to get a haircut and I'm using my gift cards from Christmas to buy a sewing machine so I don't have to shell out $12 to get a pair of pants hemmed anymore. So anxiety or not I have to get moving.
I was talking with my mom about some issues I've had with some things both her and my sister have said recently. She told me she was sorry and didn't mean it in the way she said it "huh? Really?" and gave me her typical spiel about how it's all difficult on everyone "which is true" and that it would just be better for us all if I just went back to being how I was before I decided to start transitioning. I still can't get her to understand what it feels like to be told that you can't be yourself because it would be a burden on others and the state of mind that I was in with being utterly miserable and depressed to the point where I was questioning if life was really worth it ::) so once again she's slapping me across the face for saying that I should do what she/the family wants so they aren't inconvenienced instead of what I need to do to find my peace about myself in life. Then we started talking about my sister and how utterly hateful she has been towards me and my mom said that my sister has made her intentions clear that she is going to do everything possible to make me not want to transition by being as mean as she can or by doing and saying hurtful things to me. I haven't confirmed this with her as I want to have a 1 on 1 talk with her but seeing how she has been treating me lately I can believe what my mom said is true and that has me a bit down because I really did think my sister would have been very accepting of me given how much LBGT stuff she has watched on tv and posted support towards all causes on facebook.
This really complicates things as if she does go through with her intentions I'll just end up not making contact with her for a while but that would also mean that I can't go around to my parents house to talk with them since they are usually watching my niece and my sister is bound to show up at random times to pawn her kid off onto them so she doesn't have to deal with her own child. Maybe I'll be able to get them to understand my side of everything at some point but it's getting harder and harder to keep putting myself in those situations where I end up being hurt and nothing else gets accomplished.
I'm back at school now, but I think I have a cold or the flu or something, and dad gave me his huge speech about how this is my last and only shot to save my college career. I'm too scared to tell him I'm changing my major, I'm too scared to do anything right now.
Quote from: Willow on January 04, 2014, 12:28:01 PM
I'm back at school now, but I think I have a cold or the flu or something, and dad gave me his huge speech about how this is my last and only shot to save my college career. I'm too scared to tell him I'm changing my major, I'm too scared to do anything right now.
When you know that what you're looking for is what you already are -- and not what you may become -- you stand on the threshold of fearless living.
No psychological fear exists without negative imagination.
When it comes to fear, the feel is real...but the "why" is a lie.
- Guy Finley
Maximum GID levels feeling like a monster. I can't even reunite the strength present female anymore.
And looking at the body fat table, in the female range I am in the minimum survival fat (getting close to anorexic) if it was not for my muscle mass. I have a 10% body fat, even less than an athlete.
Quote from: Joules on January 04, 2014, 06:22:51 PM
Ack, I think I know what a period feels like now. These suck.
Yup! Assuming my cycle holds, I'm not particularly looking forward to the 31st. xD
Quote from: Joules on January 04, 2014, 07:25:17 PM
Guess I'll know for sure in another 28 days. :-\
Well from what I've read, cycles can range from 28 to 35 days. Mine seems to be 30 days but I'll have to wait and see.
the endless domino :embarrassed: effect of a horrible Christmas
things just don't seem to have a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.
Haven't spoken to Shy in almost a week and can't seem to get in contact with her. This has made me super sad. :(
I couldn't sleep because I'm thinking about how without any teaching opportunities, I have to find another job to survive and save for top surgery.
I worried for a while and then just got my butt up and wrote a cover letter that I was planning to write Sunday evening. I feel better but I'm still stressed. They do a credit check, criminal record check, and references check for all previous jobs - meaning, guess what? Outed. *sigh* Whatever. I will work my butt off this year, get my surgeries, and move away and start fresh. Thank you mom and dad for giving me an undoubtedly female birth name.
Spent over an hour shaving my arms and legs (tried Veet, for some reason it didn't work) and ended up witha bunch of cuts.
I'm tired of having to do this. I need full body laser. But I can't afford it :(
Thats annoying I know that feel...
if you use high quality razors Im pretty sure you wont cut yourself...
anyways even though I love having hairless legs , I really cant go on shaving every two days...so I wear pants most of the time so I dont have to look at them...hope hormones will help with that... :-\
Ru Paul the famous drag queen wrote a book entitled "Letting it all hang out" which was an interesting and sometimes humorous read, in it he talks about how to shave one's body properly and the extensive use of multiple razors. (I used the term he because he presents male in his personal life as a gay man) Anyone having seen Ru dressed en femme would have to conclude that she is an exceptional person indeed.
i'm feeling a bit tipsy and i don't know why. i am 100% sober. always have always will be.
edit:
great. i can't play guitar right now.
Every second note comes in too late.
I was planning on cleaning the apartment today. While I did get some cleaning done, the rest of my apartment is now cluttered worse than usual. I still have a lot of work to do and it feels overwhelming.
I feel lonely (not a euphemism) and have some self doubt. I know it will pass, but in the meantime, I don't like it.
I have to miss the first day of classes because there's a carbon monoxide leak (I think that's what they said) at my son's day care. As much as a relish time with him and want him to be safe, I am disappointed about missing school.
I'm 'in heat' today. >_> Seems to be one day in particular, within a week after having my 'period', I just get debilitatingly aroused.. >_< Female sex-drives are weird. :/
Aaand my tits hurt.. :\
Also, I might have to break someone's heart soon.. :(
And spring semester starts tomorrow. >:(
Quote from: Edge on January 05, 2014, 04:49:33 PM
I was planning on cleaning the apartment today. While I did get some cleaning done, the rest of my apartment is now cluttered worse than usual.
Man you should see my room. Lol. I bet it would make your apartment look like a freshly sterilized hospital room.
I'm actually at the point where I want to throw away all my possessions so mess isn't an option lol. This room is so much smaller than the basement room I had in the old house.
Quote from: caleb. on January 05, 2014, 05:59:16 PMI'm actually at the point where I want to throw away all my possessions so mess isn't an option lol.
I actually have to do that. Not all our possessions obviously, but I need to go through all our stuff (including the large number of toys we've accumulated) and throw out/donate what we don't use and that he doesn't play with anymore.
Quote from: Edge on January 05, 2014, 08:04:41 PM
I actually have to do that. Not all our possessions obviously, but I need to go through all our stuff (including the large number of toys we've accumulated) and throw out/donate what we don't use and that he doesn't play with anymore.
Good for you. My son had a lot of issues saying goodbye to things, so we let ourselves get out of the habit. The house is now completely full of child-related clutter.
i ate some killer hot chicken ceasar salad with my dad which was awesome, we were both panting from the burning mouths, but now i feel gross inside and then i watched a romance film and was in tears for most of the last 20 mins and then had a bad feeling come up, the ol' "i just want to be loved by someone, and there is no one that would love me cuz im a hideous trans woman that fails", ugh well i just need a good sleep and tomorrow i will be all better
:( You're far from hideous.
Kiaraja, if you are hideous baby then that downgrades me to a radioactive flea living on Godzilla's booty! You are so gorgeous! If I could pass just a 1/1,000th of you I would be the happiest girl on Earth. Scratch that, Universe. :-*
Quote from: Casey Danielle on January 06, 2014, 03:02:53 AM
:( You're far from hideous.
You're so far from hideous you're beautiful! :D
Got to get up for work in 3 hours, not tired and can't sleep since i usually go to bed in 2 hours. I hate when they think people can operate on a changing work schedule. I have depression issues when that happens. With the weather being as it is, I may just call in car trouble.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 06, 2014, 03:08:47 AM
Kiaraja, if you are hideous baby then that downgrades me to a radioactive flea living on Godzilla's booty! You are so gorgeous! If I could pass just a 1/1,000th of you I would be the happiest girl on Earth. Scratch that, Universe. :-*
well i don't think its my physical appearance that i feel hideous, its actually my internal self, i just feel like i have an unattractive personality, i have so many faults and i just feel like im drowning myself in self doubt and negativity, but then again i think im just feeling really pms like lately
gross plus emotional turmoil = time of the month
lost my hair net
Quote from: Willow on January 03, 2014, 07:39:14 PM
Do you have a cell phone? PM me if so, we can text.
Yes, if I had a plan on it I'd be happy to, and if my sister stopped trying to break it...
The letter which the local mental health team said they'd send out on 13th December never arrived. Today was the first time I've been able to get my post as I've been away since 20th December, and I assumed it would be here. So, so angry.
Quote from: kiaraja on January 06, 2014, 02:54:35 AM
i ate some killer hot chicken ceasar salad with my dad which was awesome,
That sounds delicious.
Quote from: kiaraja on January 06, 2014, 02:54:35 AM
the ol' "i just want to be loved by someone, and there is no one that would love me cuz im a hideous trans woman that fails"
I feel that way sometimes too. When I don't it's when I don't want to be loved. There are many reasons why no one can ever love me.
Made a profile on OKCupid(never good at making them) and now I am thinking of deleting it already, partially cause I am such a work in progress and feel i wouldn't be accepted as is. Also just makes me realise even more how much better everyone is than me and gets me thinking what is the point?
Loner for life.
I think my depression snuck up on me these last couple months. :( I worry about that. I've never really accepted the diagnosis I got of Major Depressive Disorder, because I would like to believe that it's all in my head. The first "episode" I had lasted over 2 years.
It doesn't help that on certain websites (looking at you Tumblr) it's trendy to label yourself with mental illnesses. I just feel lumped into another category.
I also need to add that despite not having worn a binder, or anything compressive, for a month now, my binding pain acted up again today. I guess it's a permanent condition.
My son has problems with insomnia. I have already tried all the advice I've been given (and may punch the next person who suggests a bedtime routine. I don't like being taken for an idiot) and everything I've looked up. None of it works. According to his other father, he doesn't have a problem falling asleep at their house, but from what he's told me, he doesn't do anything different. But then, his other father also claims that he naps for two to three hours in the afternoon which is utter horse crap (although it would explain his trouble falling asleep on some nights if it were true). I can't sleep until my son does, but I have to try to do well in school.
Grandma's sick...
And it's -13 degrees outside...
Quote from: Shaina on January 06, 2014, 10:55:38 PMAnd it's -13 degrees outside...
Add the wind on top of it and it's horrible.
Had a few painful reminders on the sorry state of my life. Debts, depression, dysphoria, all kicking in at various points throughout the day. Would be nice if I could do something about some of them, but other people always have to stand in the way of me doing anything to fix things.
Why is it that when I explicitly say that I am trying to meet other girls as friends for going out on weekend activities, having a few drinks, etc... Essentially for making new friends, while not mentioning my trans status, they seem to be hoping to enter into a lesbian relationship. Damn. If they are hoping for that, I have to disclose before things get messy.
How come every man will clock me with just pictures, but women seem completely trans-blind? I am not relly hoping to get into something half-serious due to the genitalia issue, and I am into full mobility mode right now as I mentioned, so if I get dramatically involved it will be worse.
PMS hit an hour a go. E is dropping, my implant is used up. Climbing the walls.
I guess no reserve supplies of E in the cupboard?
J
No but I've had a box of chocolates and feel sick.
Going to stop modding, anger levels are extreme. Jeez I feel off
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 07, 2014, 04:03:06 AM
I guess no reserve supplies of E in the cupboard?
J
Thanks I remembered the emergency pack. Never needed it before.
My endo did say in case of emergency, never understood what she meant!
Now take two and see me in the morning...
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 07, 2014, 04:19:22 AM
Now take two and see me in the morning...
Smart ass :-*
Nightmare after only an hours sleep! What's another 24 hours without sleep, Jeesh. :(
You can borrow KAT's tree, it works
Quote from: Cindy on January 07, 2014, 04:45:42 AM
You can borrow KAT's tree, it works
Won't work. Kat made that just for you so it's special. It's like Thor's hammer, only he could pick it up.
My guitar playing all of a sudden got even sloppier.
Called my endo again to try to make an appointment. Got the machine again. Will they call me back? Well, they didn't call me back the last times I called.
I am expecting some packages. Two of them were supposed to arrive two weeks ago and the other was supposed to arrive a week ago. There is no sign of any of them.
I've seen news that postal workers no longer delivering to residences and have no idea when that start or where I'll get my mail when it does. The Canada Post website says nothing about it.
Car won't start. It refuses to work at -20F and it doesn't even have a union.
I made a mistake going into Victoria' s Secret with two of my cis friends. I'm super dysphoric about all the stuff I can't wear, and then I saw myself in the mirror. I'm downright ugly. I nearly cried right then and there.
Quote from: Willow on January 07, 2014, 02:14:55 PM
I made a mistake going into Victoria' s Secret with two of my cis friends. I'm super dysphoric about all the stuff I can't wear, and then I saw myself in the mirror. I'm downright ugly. I nearly cried right then and there.
*hugs tightly* I know how that feels hun.
Quote from: Willow on January 07, 2014, 02:14:55 PM
I made a mistake going into Victoria' s Secret with two of my cis friends. I'm super dysphoric about all the stuff I can't wear, and then I saw myself in the mirror. I'm downright ugly. I nearly cried right then and there.
I have seen your pictures - you are not ugly by any definition. And you are just getting started. Patience, hon.
A week or so ago someone on Tumblr had a picture of a beautiful Little Mermaid music box that plays "Part of Your World." Knowing how much Keaira loves The Little Mermaid, I placed an order and got what I now presume to be an automatic email saying thank you. Well, a week passed and no word about charging for payment or shipping, so I dug deeper and it turns out the box is no longer in circulation. You can only get on it on ebay for like $350. I was so excited about it. </3 I wanted to get her a special birthday gift. Now I have to find something equally as pretty and nice within a week.
This is it underneath. I am so gutted, the impression really was that they were still available. If I were rich I'd buy it for her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy7IjgvJLH8
So my period is on. That's always lovely.
Being sent a self appraisal form by my manager !
How can I possibly justify my performance at work over the last two years ,
All the time off ....etc...
I cried most of the day when I realised how useless I was ,
Be honest in your self-appraisal.
What are your strengths? Communication? Knowledge? Skills?
Where do you have room for improvement? Can further training help?
When I was managing, up to as many as 125 people, with nearly a dozen subordinate supervisors, these are the sorts of things I looked at in evaluations.
I finally cowgirled up, spent some time getting ready, took some pictures to post here and my camera won't download them. I really must be hideous, I broke the camera! :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 08, 2014, 01:15:21 AM
I finally cowgirled up, spent some time getting ready, took some pictures to post here and my camera won't download them. I really must be hideous, I broke the camera! :'( :'( :'(
You have to use a photo hosting site like Photobucket or Imgur
Quote from: V M on January 08, 2014, 01:28:34 AM
You have to use a photo hosting site like Photobucket or Imgur
You don't get it, the CAMERA (whole cell phone) actually broke! ::) Dead, kaput, expired. Looks like I was right, shouldn't have tried it. Told you I was thirty miles of death valley fire trail. This kind of proves it, I mean, it was working before! :'(
Quote from: Nickkirobs on January 07, 2014, 09:46:54 PM
Being sent a self appraisal form by my manager !
How can I possibly justify my performance at work over the last two years ,
All the time off ....etc...
I cried most of the day when I realised how useless I was ,
Jamie has it right. Don't try to justify yourself and don't deprecate yourself. If you believe your useless, management won't argue with you, if you think you are good at somethings but would like to improve on others, management sees you as trying to succeed personally and career wise. The other don't is act like you have totally achieved your best. Everyone needs improvement on something to grow and accept change.
Thank you both got you kind replies ,
But honestly , I would sack me !
I " came out " to my manager and HR dept about 14 months ago ,
And went full time on July 1st 2013 .
I have struggled with the emotions of this and been on antidepressants for a short period,
Had weeks and weeks off work ,
which involves visiting customers sites , most of whom knew my previous incarnation.
My voice is terrible over the phone , so still always get responded to as male !
How many times a day do I get Nick over the phone rather than correct name of Nicola ,
I have given up correcting them!
There are days when I struggle to get out the house , or even bed ,
I have had weeks off work ,
and all the salient points that my appraisal measures, I fall down on ,
KPI's , key performance indices ,
Then these are used to decide what percentage of the annual pay rise each individual should recieve ,
Money stopped motivating me along time ago , other things are far more important ,
Hey I am in the wrong body for Christ sake !
It's taken me lots of counselling and money to get my self esteem out of the gutter ,
And one e-mail has made me evaluate me , and work wise I can not think of any redeeming feature !
xxxxxxxxx
I'm sorry to hear all that, Nicola. :( I would be extremely depressed in your situation too, but try not to let that cloud your vision of yourself and your work. Sure, maybe you're not as on the ball as you think you should be, but it doesn't mean you're terrible and have no good to show for your work. If you were that bad, they'd have canned you by now.
I've talked about the same sort of thing with my brother. I told him once that I felt bad about applying for jobs, because I felt like I haven't worked hard enough or achieved as much as I should have with my time. I was thinking about the people who just did it all lol - joined all the clubs, knew all the people, just did everything and had full schedules. He said "maybe you didn't do a ton of extra activities, but think of where you started, and how you felt - you had to put in way more than anyone else to get to where you are now, you just don't see it because you started off with an extra set of challenges to overcome."
My employer was bought last year and as of this January we're fully integrated into the parent company's HR structure. It seems that passive aggression and peer pressure will now be standard performance motivators.
I have a pretty good headache going...
and... snow. It was unexpected. It's the worst kind of snow, too.
I woke up and got a video recommendation on YouTube...it was a documentary on trans kids. There was a younger trans girl and she was talking to Barbara Walters about her pet snake. The Barbara asked about school and stuff (basically getting on the topic of gender) and at one point, the little girl just went completely silent and began to cry.
It broke my heart. I've been there, just at the edge of puberty and dealing with trans issues. I took my shower and cried a little. If only others coudl realize that this is so rarely just a case of "fun self-expression" and it's something people deal with on a lifelong basis.
Have to revert to guy mode for a little while to shower.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 06:41:22 AM
I woke up and got a video recommendation on YouTube...it was a documentary on trans kids. There was a younger trans girl and she was talking to Barbara Walters about her pet snake. The Barbara asked about school and stuff (basically getting on the topic of gender) and at one point, the little girl just went completely silent and began to cry.
It broke my heart. I've been there, just at the edge of puberty and dealing with trans issues. I took my shower and cried a little. If only others coudl realize that this is so rarely just a case of "fun self-expression" and it's something people deal with on a lifelong basis.
I wanted to respond to this, all I could think of is (the poor child,) it leaves me with a hollow feeling in my guts just thinking of it.
I need to vacate my place before the end of february. My one year contract ends at that time, and the landord only wants to do extended renting periods, which are a problem to me since I soon will be unemployed and this can't be pair with government aid (not even sure if I can access it).
There was the possibility of turning the place into a shared flat, but they want to put a leash on me to force me to stay for more than a year and recover the costs... "The costs of moving their furniture and buying crappy Ikea Furninture". Heck, I could buy my own bed.
So I am looking for places to live cheap enough to help me save money for job interview trips. But major problems are the reactions of "Girls only" shared flats when I even have my old name. I haven't been caught on the phone, but I am worried. I could bring the shrink's letter certifying my condition, but...
Sir hasn't responded to me in a while.. :(
My father won't talk to me over whatsapp and insists on using old SMS because he does not even want to see my face and be reminded that I have changed.
And they ask me why I suffer from anxiety, stress and depression?
Quote from: Shantel on January 10, 2014, 09:26:26 AM
I wanted to respond to this, all I could think of is (the poor child,) it leaves me with a hollow feeling in my guts just thinking of it.
Yeah, it just hit me so hard when I saw that. I wonder if many people understand that her reaction really tells it all, in terms of how it is for us.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 11:59:13 AM
Yeah, it just hit me so hard when I saw that. I wonder if many people understand that her reaction really tells it all, in terms of how it is for us.
Makes you wonder....maybe there are a few sensitive cis types that get it I dunno!
Well poor Barbara Walters didn't see it coming! Lol. She reached out and gave her a hug, and the narrative over top said something like "when she dissolved into tears I found myself no longer being a reporter, but her comforter." It made me think throughout the day today. I think about how hard it is for that little girl, and how hard it is for me - like dealing with my chest all day today, trying to keep it hidden under a hoodie and worrying about surgery. I think if I was approaching puberty again, even if I was promised T and whatnot, I'd still be terrified that it wouldn't work and I might still grow into a female adult.
But knowing that, maybe, in the future, less people will have to go through that sort of pain that comes with transitioning as an adult...it helps me. Knowing that in the future less little FTM boys will have to grow boobs and less MTF girls will have to develop T-related changes, it helps.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 12:15:59 PM
But knowing that, maybe, in the future, less people will have to go through that sort of pain that comes with transitioning as an adult...it helps me. Knowing that in the future less little FTM boys will have to grow boobs and less MTF girls will have to develop T-related changes, it helps.
It's a nice thought!
Shan comforts her buddy Caleb..Hugs
Quote from: Shantel on January 10, 2014, 12:19:42 PM
It's a nice thought!
Shan comforts her buddy Caleb..Hugs
*hug* You want to comfort me, shell out 8000 bucks for top surgery lmao. ;)
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 12:20:37 PM
*hug* You want to comfort me, shell out 8000 bucks for top surgery lmao. ;)
Mercenary friendship! :D
I should have become a mercenary or something equally lucrative. Then I'd have all the money I need! Instead I chose to go to school. lol
Head cold, snow, work, tired, car troubles, filling fell out, teeth aches, insurance hassles, lost things........
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 12:33:07 PM
I should have become a mercenary or something equally lucrative. Then I'd have all the money I need! Instead I chose to go to school. lol
You're life expectancy will be greater as a student-teacher though!
Can I just be a hit person who kills one guy for $8000? :P Someone horrible who deserves it.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 01:03:27 PM
Can I just be a hit person who kills one guy for $8000? :P Someone horrible who deserves it.
<cough>Vick<cough>
I am socially awkward and stuff.
Stupid whiny housewife rant here:
Today I tossed out all the expired foods in my fridge and pantry. Wow... I mean I probably just tossed fifty bucks out the window. I need to be way more careful about buying things I'd "probably want to eat someday soon" and unhealthy stuff in general. There were boxes that were 3 years old, cans that expired two years ago and jars of "what was I even thinking that day?"
Never again will I succumb to that "grocery store impulse buy" urge. If it's not on the list, it's not going in the cart. I will make a habit of shopping just after I ate something, as I think blood sugar levels affect this.
One of the reasons I spent all that time, effort and money remodeling my kitchen is so I could learn to be a better cook. I want to buy raw ingredients now and just roll my own. A lot of those prefabricated sauces, soups and rubs are completely unnecessary to me anyway. I can probably make ones that are not only better, but far better for you.
I feel better now for venting that.
Quote from: Jill F on January 10, 2014, 04:14:05 PM
Stupid whiny housewife rant here:
Today I tossed out all the expired foods in my fridge and pantry. Wow... I mean I probably just tossed fifty bucks out the window. I need to be way more careful about buying things I'd "probably want to eat someday soon" and unhealthy stuff in general. There were boxes that were 3 years old, cans that expired two years ago and jars of "what was I even thinking that day?"
Never again will I succumb to that "grocery store impulse buy" urge. If it's not on the list, it's not going in the cart. I will make a habit of shopping just after I ate something, as I think blood sugar levels affect this.
One of the reasons I spent all that time, effort and money remodeling my kitchen is so I could learn to be a better cook. I want to buy raw ingredients now and just roll my own. A lot of those prefabricated sauces, soups and rubs are completely unnecessary to me anyway. I can probably make ones that are not only better, but far better for you.
I feel better now for venting that.
I guess that's why I go to do shopping once per week with a list of things I need and a specific budget in cash. I'd be in a big hurry if there was a snowstorm on a saturday, but... The only pre-cookeds I have are fabada, fabada, and more fabada asturiana.
Quote from: FA on January 10, 2014, 01:19:22 PM
<cough>Vick<cough>
OK, you got $8000?
Actually, I might just do that one for free.
I have a slight case of diarrhea and my mom's stomach is messed up too.
Quote from: Jill F on January 10, 2014, 04:14:05 PM
Stupid whiny housewife rant here:
Today I tossed out all the expired foods in my fridge and pantry. Wow... I mean I probably just tossed fifty bucks out the window. I need to be way more careful about buying things I'd "probably want to eat someday soon" and unhealthy stuff in general. There were boxes that were 3 years old, cans that expired two years ago and jars of "what was I even thinking that day?"
Never again will I succumb to that "grocery store impulse buy" urge. If it's not on the list, it's not going in the cart. I will make a habit of shopping just after I ate something, as I think blood sugar levels affect this.
One of the reasons I spent all that time, effort and money remodeling my kitchen is so I could learn to be a better cook. I want to buy raw ingredients now and just roll my own. A lot of those prefabricated sauces, soups and rubs are completely unnecessary to me anyway. I can probably make ones that are not only better, but far better for you.
I feel better now for venting that.
My family is absolutely horrible for that same thing. Like my grandpa, he only wants to eat fresh homecooked meals for every meal, and refuses to eat anything out of a can. But if the cans are on sale he just "has" to take advantage of it, only to never eat it and have stuff in the cans go bad after many years. I made myself a promise that when I am on my own, I'd only "stock up" on a sale item if it was something I actually eat on a daily basis (like ketchup, frozen bread, etc). Other than that I'd only buy what I wanted to cook with that day (since I am single one cooked meal can last like 3 or 4 days).
Quote from: FA on January 10, 2014, 01:19:22 PM
<cough>Vick<cough>
As in Michael Vick? I detest that individual. :-\
Who is that?
Quote from: Edge on January 10, 2014, 06:13:15 PM
Who is that?
American football player.
Hes not that bad.
Quote from: Emo on January 10, 2014, 06:32:45 PM
American football player.
Hes not that bad.
He did dog fights though. :(
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 07:45:06 PM
He did dog fights though. :(
And he paid for it.
Hes reformed now.
Are we really going to hold his past against him?
Seems a bit hypocritical.
Well I wouldn't actually kill him lol, and obviously he has paid for his crime. He's not one of my favourite people though. I don't understand how anyone could hurt an animal and I do have to question what that says about their mental wellbeing.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 08:13:11 PM
Well I wouldn't actually kill him lol, and obviously he has paid for his crime. He's not one of my favourite people though. I don't understand how anyone could hurt an animal and I do have to question what that says about their mental wellbeing.
True. Altho people grow up in that kind of culture. Its really a miracle animal fighting isnt bigger around the world what with videogames movies and tv portraying it in a "good" light.
Quote from: Jill F on January 10, 2014, 04:14:05 PM
Stupid whiny housewife rant here:
Today I tossed out all the expired foods in my fridge and pantry. Wow... I mean I probably just tossed fifty bucks out the window. I need to be way more careful about buying things I'd "probably want to eat someday soon" and unhealthy stuff in general. There were boxes that were 3 years old, cans that expired two years ago and jars of "what was I even thinking that day?"
Never again will I succumb to that "grocery store impulse buy" urge. If it's not on the list, it's not going in the cart. I will make a habit of shopping just after I ate something, as I think blood sugar levels affect this.
One of the reasons I spent all that time, effort and money remodeling my kitchen is so I could learn to be a better cook. I want to buy raw ingredients now and just roll my own. A lot of those prefabricated sauces, soups and rubs are completely unnecessary to me anyway. I can probably make ones that are not only better, but far better for you.
I feel better now for venting that.
The fact of the matter is, unopened canned, jarred, and dried fruits, vegetables, and pastas will keep almost forever. This is especially true of acidic foods.
In the International Geophysical Year explorations in 1957-58, they were consuming canned goods left behind by the Robert Falcon Scott expeditions in 1912.
"Expiration" and "Best By" usually have more to do with the taste than with spoilage.
I know that is true in most cases, but I opened up a few of these cans and let me tell you...they did not smell even close to what they should have. The chicken soup smelled vile and the tomatoes turned black lol.
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 08:13:11 PM
Well I wouldn't actually kill him lol, and obviously he has paid for his crime. He's not one of my favourite people though. I don't understand how anyone could hurt an animal and I do have to question what that says about their mental wellbeing.
Quote from: Emo on January 10, 2014, 08:26:58 PM
True. Altho people grow up in that kind of culture. Its really a miracle animal fighting isnt bigger around the world what with videogames movies and tv portraying it in a "good" light.
Animal cruelty is very upsetting for me, dog fighting, cock (Rooster) fighting and even humans pitted against each other for the sake of gambling
Place your bets, see who can be bit, pecked and pummeled to and/or near death :P Micheal Vick is a public figure who got busted, made an example of and served his time, but did that put an end to it?
I think it is an on going issue that not only needs to be addressed in my own country but also world wide as well, and yes it does take place world wide
Just some of my thoughts on the matter
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 06:41:22 AM
I woke up and got a video recommendation on YouTube...it was a documentary on trans kids. There was a younger trans girl and she was talking to Barbara Walters about her pet snake. The Barbara asked about school and stuff (basically getting on the topic of gender) and at one point, the little girl just went completely silent and began to cry.
It broke my heart. I've been there, just at the edge of puberty and dealing with trans issues. I took my shower and cried a little. If only others coudl realize that this is so rarely just a case of "fun self-expression" and it's something people deal with on a lifelong basis.
Yeah, I remember seeing that when it was originally broadcast. It was an episode of 20/20. I watched it over at my mom's house by myself since I couldn't get ABC. That scene tore me up too. I watched that and remembered how I felt at that age and also how I was feeling at the current point in time (2007, I think) and they were pretty much the same.
There was a spider on me, so I swiped it off and then stomped it's guts out. I was already irritated dealing with emotional issues before hand so I took it out on that critter. If he's still alive then he's not having a pleasant day....
Quote from: Malachite on January 10, 2014, 11:55:04 PM
There was a spider on me, so I swiped it off and then stomped it's guts out. I was already irritated dealing with emotional issues before hand so I took it out on that critter. If he's still alive then he's not having a pleasant day....
Hugs*
Just a warning that this is disgusting:
I was asleep and my mouth was hanging open. My dog was sleeping beside me and her butt was near my head, and she farted into my mouth.
Quote from: caleb. on January 11, 2014, 04:15:21 PM
Just a warning that this is disgusting:
I was asleep and my mouth was hanging open. My dog was sleeping beside me and her butt was near my head, and she farted into my mouth.
That is disgusting, I totally agree!
I think she is sick. She's making my room smell so bad. But she hates being alone and if I leave her she will cry.
Had to go do laundry in guy mode, was not fun. The pants especially did not feel right.
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 05:00:23 PM
Had to go do laundry in guy mode, was not fun. The pants especially did not feel right.
I still do everything on my old clothes at home. No bra, tight boxers to avoid getting the monster move, and anything clean. Where, I'd love to get a pair of yoga pants, but who cares...for the same reason I don't shave if I am not going out that day.
Sadly, If I end sharing a flat I will need to dress a bit better, and even stay at home with a bit of make up to cover the beard... I don't like being presenting male... In front of others,
If I could, I'd do all of my chores naked, but the dick is a cpgrim reminder. So it always needs to be covered. Things are gonna change after SRS, that's for sure,
Quote from: AppleJack on January 11, 2014, 05:23:47 PM
I still do everything on my old clothes at home. No bra, tight boxers to avoid getting the monster move, and anything clean. Where, I'd love to get a pair of yoga pants, but who cares...for the same reason I don't shave if I am not going out that day.
Sadly, If I end sharing a flat I will need to dress a bit better, and even stay at home with a bit of make up to cover the beard... I don't like being presenting male... In front of others,
If I could, I'd do all of my chores naked, but the dick is a cpgrim reminder. So it always needs to be covered. Things are gonna change after SRS, that's for sure,
Living in a college dorm (in a men's room) I have to be more careful about what I wear. I'm always visible, so I have to be fully clothed all the time. I'm hungry and need to eat, but eating requires me to leave my building, and all my clothes, save a badly fitting pair of male jeans and some guy's shirts, are in the wash.
Oh and now dad is texting me for an update on my classes. I'm scared to tell him I changed my major.
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 05:37:03 PM
Living in a college dorm (in a men's room) I have to be more careful about what I wear. I'm always visible, so I have to be fully clothed all the time. I'm hungry and need to eat, but eating requires me to leave my building, and all my clothes, save a badly fitting pair of male jeans and some guy's shirts, are in the wash.
Oh and now dad is texting me for an update on my classes. I'm scared to tell him I changed my major.
Oh Willow. :( That sounds like such a tough situation. I wasn't aware of your dorm issues.
Quote from: caleb. on January 11, 2014, 05:41:46 PMOh Willow. :( That sounds like such a tough situation. I wasn't aware of your dorm issues.
Legally I can't stay in the women's dorm, and the very limited amount of gender neutral rooms are all full. And dad won't let me move off campus.
So yeah, really tough. TO shower I have to go in guy mode lest I get harassed for supposed harassment.
My drunken mother burned the Digiorno pizza with the boneless chicken wings....
Quote from: Malachite on January 11, 2014, 06:11:35 PM
My drunken mother burned the Digiorno pizza with the boneless chicken wings....
NOT THE PIZZA! D':
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 07:05:38 PM
NOT THE PIZZA! D':
I'd send some of the pizza I'm eating at the caf (in guy mode, didn't feel like putting on makeup just to br out for 20-30 minutes. If anything else, that's what I envy cisgirls of being able to do) but it'd spoil :(
Yes, the pizza. :(
I really could use a pizza first aid kit right now. :D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F25.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_m83e1un0Ka1rcicoyo1_1280.jpg&hash=d97f6897ba00f0e7679a5ad258522b212d25e8d3)
Quote from: Malachite on January 11, 2014, 07:23:19 PMYes, the pizza. :(
I really could use a pizza first aid kit right now. :D
What would that entail?
Two things I would need to bring if I visit you: a pizza, and Shaina.
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 07:27:20 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F25.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_m83e1un0Ka1rcicoyo1_1280.jpg&hash=d97f6897ba00f0e7679a5ad258522b212d25e8d3)
hahahaha priceless :laugh:
went to department of license today to change gender and name on my license, have to wait two to three weeks for it to clear the state office :(
Quote from: Jerri on January 11, 2014, 07:33:09 PM
went to department of license today to change gender and name on my license, have to wait two to three weeks for it to clear the state office :(
at least you can change your name and gender...
:-X
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 07:34:54 PMat least you can change your name and gender...
:-X
Yes, consider yourself fortunate; a large majourity of states in the US require you to have SRS before changing your gender, and many people can't/ dont want to have SRS for whatever reason.
I'm fortunate California will allow me to change my name and gender on my birth certificate without doing anything more than making a court apperance. Of course I have to get to California to do that first...
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 07:47:07 PM
Yes, consider yourself fortunate; a large majourity of states in the US require you to have SRS before changing your gender, and many people can't/ dont want to have SRS for whatever reason.
I'm fortunate California will allow me to change my name and gender on my birth certificate without doing anything more than making a court apperance. Of course I have to get to California to do that first...
Yeap yeap , its true unfortunately...
I cant change my gender if i dont get srs...even if I look 100% female...who the hell though about this law?
isnt it a little bit ridiculous?
hope it changes soon...
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 07:51:43 PM
Yeap yeap , its true unfortunately...
I cant change my gender if i dont get srs...even if I look 100% female...who the hell though about this law?
isnt it a little bit ridiculous?
hope it changes soon...
Let me guess, Texas?
My wife and son were stranded at a random US airport for most of today due to weather in Toronto. :-\
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 07:58:56 PM
Let me guess, Texas?
Eeeer...almost ,,,almost...
I live in Greece XD :D
Quote from: Gwynne on January 11, 2014, 08:00:07 PM
My wife and son were stranded at a random US airport for most of today due to weather in Toronto. :-\
How random is random?
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:00:32 PM
Eeeer...almost ,,,almost...
I live in Greece XD :D
Θα πρέπει να μετακομίσει στον Καναδά!
Quote from: Gwynne on January 11, 2014, 08:02:17 PM
Θα πρέπει να μετακομίσει στον Καναδά!
dont tell me you speak greek?! :D
btw from what I ve heard Canada and Greece are quite the friendly countries cause there are a lot of greeks living there :)
unfortunately I dont have any relatives there ...if I had most certainly Id move to Canada immediately XD
Ex-spouses and headaches... they both suck. :-\
on a lighter note, yes it is great that California does let you change all that, you'll need to file a petition with the court, run an add in a local paper for 4 weeks for the name change, and have a letter from a doctor stating you have had proper medical treatment for transition from one gender to another. For the DMV you will need the decree/court document and a DL329 signed by the same doctor stating your gender has been changed permanently (look good for your new DL Picture!). For the birth cert, you have to call the state dept of public health and ask them to mail you an official form printed on special paper to order a new birth cert (the old one is sealed) and will need the court documents and the original letter from your doctor. For the ssn card, you'll need the decree/court document and your old photo id only. All the above can be done in about 2 months.
To change all of your bank accounts, loans, credit cards, and the credit bureaus you will need the new DL, ssn card, and a certified copy of the decree of name & gender change.
I took some Greek in university, but have to concede some electronic assistance with that post ;)
There is a very large and healthy Greek community in Canada--especially in Toronto.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcloud.pleasetakemeto.com%2Fphotos%2Fims-canada%2Fd%2Fdanforth-avenue-greektown%2Fgallery_678%2Fdanforth-avenue-greektown-7146.jpg&hash=ce79455b16dd7a49d3c597e8731836265a7280b7)
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:00:32 PM
Eeeer...almost ,,,almost...
I live in Greece XD :D
Cool, I was im Greece in Novermber 2002. Visited Katakolon, Mykonos, Santorini (my donkey leaned over a ledge to get a snack and I almost fell off lol,) Athens, and Corfu in that order.
Strange, though. There has to be some EU regulation about it in the works, considering a large majourity of EU nations recognise and provide healthcare for transpeople. Heck, I remember reading something saying the highest court in Germany ruled that FFS is to be covered by the govenrment health plans.
I suspect it will change soon.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:06:51 PM
dont tell me you speak greek?! :D
btw from what I ve heard Canada and Greece are quite the friendly countries cause there are a lot of greeks living there :)
unfortunately I dont have any relatives there ...if I had most certainly Id move to Canada immediately XD
For one you have Gwynne.
We're all family :)
Quote from: Breanne Nicole on January 11, 2014, 08:09:15 PM
Ex-spouses and headaches... they both suck. :-\
on a lighter note, yes it is great that California does let you change all that, you'll need to file a petition with the court, run an add in a local paper for 4 weeks for the name change, and have a letter from a doctor stating you have had proper medical treatment for transition from one gender to another. For the DMV you will need the decree/court document and a DL329 signed by the same doctor stating your gender has been changed permanently (look good for your new DL Picture!). For the birth cert, you have to call the state dept of public health and ask them to mail you an official form printed on special paper to order a new birth cert (the old one is sealed) and will need the court documents and the original letter from your doctor. For the ssn card, you'll need the decree/court document and your old photo id only. All the above can be done in about 2 months.
To change all of your bank accounts, loans, credit cards, and the credit bureaus you will need the new DL, ssn card, and a certified copy of the decree of name & gender change.
Fortunately I haven't lived in Kern County for over 15 years, so no need to fear being outed by the paper or anything.
As for the DL, mine is Michigan, because that's where I'm going to school. IIRC, I have to wait for SS to change over before I can do the DL, considering michigan doesn't recognise gender changes without SRS, so pretty much SS changing forces them to.
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 08:13:03 PM
I suspect it will change soon.For one you have Gwynne.
We're all family :)
+1 ;D
Quote from: Gwynne on January 11, 2014, 08:10:24 PM
I took some Greek in university, but have to concede some electronic assistance with that post ;)
There is a very large and healthy Greek community in Canada--especially in Toronto.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcloud.pleasetakemeto.com%2Fphotos%2Fims-canada%2Fd%2Fdanforth-avenue-greektown%2Fgallery_678%2Fdanforth-avenue-greektown-7146.jpg&hash=ce79455b16dd7a49d3c597e8731836265a7280b7)
thats awesome :)
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 08:13:03 PM
Cool, I was im Greece in Novermber 2002. Visited Katakolon, Mykonos, Santorini (my donkey leaned over a ledge to get a snack and I almost fell off lol,) Athens, and Corfu in that order.
Strange, though. There has to be some EU regulation about it in the works, considering a large majourity of EU nations recognise and provide healthcare for transpeople. Heck, I remember reading something saying the highest court in Germany ruled that FFS is to be covered by the govenrment health plans.I suspect it will change soon.
For one you have Gwynne.
We're all family :)
Awesome :)Yes we re all family here :)))))))))
I live in athens , I visit corfu often ...love those waterslides...
hhhhm I hope the law changes soon ,,, but I dunno...Im sure our politician dont give a single **** about transgender laws,,,actually thank god for the european union...im pretty sure they are my only hope XD...hhhhm I wonder if I can bypass some greek laws by mentioning the european ones???? I ll have to discuss that with my therapist...
Anyway if you visit Greece again let me know , I ll give you the most awesome athens tour ever!
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:00:32 PM
Eeeer...almost ,,,almost...
I live in Greece XD :D
No wonder youre hot. :p
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:21:39 PM
thats awesome :)
Awesome :)Yes we re all family here :)))))))))
I live in athens , I visit corfu often ...love those waterslides...
hhhhm I hope the law changes soon ,,, but I dunno...Im sure our politician dont give a single **** about transgender laws,,,actually thank god for the european union...im pretty sure they are my only hope XD...hhhhm I wonder if I can bypass some greek laws by mentioning the european ones???? I ll have to discuss that with my therapist...
Anyway if you visit Greece again let me know , I ll give you the most awesome athens tour ever!
I don't know if I will, though, I always want to add more countries to my list ( IIRC I had 32, this summer add one if I go to DiMaggio or Cardenas for FFS) although I always like visiting Spain, Canada, the UK, and Belgium, where I spend 2 years of my childhood.
I'll have to go to Sparta and bring an MSU shirt to wear there, though, because I can :P
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 08:21:53 PM
No wonder youre hot. :p
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fjkj9X.png&hash=d81e3fd0b464c6511f75e1c0386aa4b623f313e4)
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 08:28:04 PM
I don't know if I will, though, I always want to add more countries to my list ( IIRC I had 32, this summer add one if I go to DiMaggio or Cardenas for FFS) although I always like visiting Spain, Canada, the UK, and Belgium, where I spend 2 years of my childhood.
I'll have to go to Sparta and bring an MSU shirt to wear there, though, because I can :P
Well...sparta now is just a random village like any other in greece less than 20.000 citizens ,,,there is nothing to do there than just watch a bunch of old rocks...:/
but hey its spart , you can go and shout "this is spartaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
lol
anyway np , im pretty sure I wouldnt visit the same country twice , unless i had the time of my life or somethin...
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:33:12 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fjkj9X.png&hash=d81e3fd0b464c6511f75e1c0386aa4b623f313e4)
Well...sparta now is just a random village like any other in greece less than 20.000 citizens ,,,there is nothing to do there than just watch a bunch of old rocks...:/
but hey its spart , you can go and shout "this is spartaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
lol
anyway np , im pretty sure I wouldnt visit the same country twice , unless i had the time of my life or somethin...
I need a picture of me in an MSU shirt there because my school's mascot is the Spartan.
I had an excellent time in Spain, would have been better if mom didn't decide to pay bills with the bank account she set aside for me to use.
But yeah, funny stories, like my teacher having to get a patdown leaving Tampa, waiting 8 hours in JFK airport for a layover, my teacher leaving me behind in a bar in Barcelona, waking up to my roommate ssingingRed Solo cup in the shower, buying a Damascus blade in Toledo, and playing football in Parque de Buen Retiro in Madrid.
Quote from: Willow on January 11, 2014, 08:40:36 PM
I need a picture of me in an MSU shirt there because my school's mascot is the Spartan.
I had an excellent time in Spain, would have been better if mom didn't decide to pay bills with the bank account she set aside for me to use.
But yeah, funny stories, like my teacher having to get a patdown leaving Tampa, waiting 8 hours in JFK airport for a layover, my teacher leaving me behind in a bar in Barcelona, waking up to my roommate ssingingRed Solo cup in the shower, buying a Damascus blade in Toledo, and playing football in Parque de Buen Retiro in Madrid.
hahahaha thats way too random XD
I agree with Emo. Also, yay Canada! Crap. I'm in the maritimes.
Oh yeah. What made me unhappy today. My professors are probably going to be on strike starting monday. During this time, the students have to teach themselves even though we pay the university a heck of a lot of money to be taught by our professors and many of us are poor.
Quote from: Edge on January 11, 2014, 09:04:20 PM
Oh yeah. What made me unhappy today. My professors are probably going to be on strike starting monday. During this time, the students have to teach themselves even though we pay the university a heck of a lot of money to be taught by our professors and many of us are poor.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F_U77rKP2Nsbc%2FSoHbG24DWOI%2FAAAAAAAADP4%2FtFE7IAYS328%2Fs1600%2F070331-autodidact.png&hash=4c161846a2b67cd71df28f5c0cb85a69ed76efd8)
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:33:12 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2Fjkj9X.png&hash=d81e3fd0b464c6511f75e1c0386aa4b623f313e4)
D'aaaaawwwwwww! •^__^•
Do you have a super cute greek accent too? :3
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 11, 2014, 08:00:32 PM
Eeeer...almost ,,,almost...
I live in Greece XD :D
You want to try Melbourne, I think it has the largest Greek city population outside of Athens
1. "Human Again" in Beauty and the Beast. I hate the song they cut and readded for DVD and IMAX in the late 90s / early 00's
2. I'm lucky. Incredibly lucky... and I find it really effed up that my experiences in being transgender could be considered lucky. I hate that I'm grateful to have family who is merely tolerant. I really do feel for those who have impossibly difficult times and I admire their strength.
Stomach cramp- probably from the food I ate
Quote from: Malachite on January 11, 2014, 11:35:45 PM
Stomach cramp- probably from the food I ate
Want me to kiss it all better?
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 11:41:22 PM
Want me to kiss it all better?
Lol nah I'm good-that would be the time I would puke >.>
Quote from: Malachite on January 11, 2014, 11:49:05 PM
Lol nah I'm good-that would be the time I would puke >.>
Uh... Ew?
It's confirmed that the university faculty will be going on strike tomorrow. Meaning they won't be doing what poor students who have to put themselves far into debt to pay thousands of dollars to have them do because they want a raise on their already thousands of dollars larger than I've ever had salary. F*** THEM.
Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 07:23:57 PM
It's confirmed that the university faculty will be going on strike tomorrow. Meaning they won't be doing what poor students who have to put themselves far into debt to pay thousands of dollars to have them do because they want a raise on their already thousands of dollars larger than I've ever had salary. F*** THEM.
...and the road scholars (sessionals) stand to gain nothing. :-\
Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 07:23:57 PM
It's confirmed that the university faculty will be going on strike tomorrow. Meaning they won't be doing what poor students who have to put themselves far into debt to pay thousands of dollars to have them do because they want a raise on their already thousands of dollars larger than I've ever had salary. F*** THEM.
Yes, which raises the question, is education about the student or is it about them? WTF?
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 11:59:20 PM
Uh... Ew?
Don't be put off by Malachite, he's into chicksters big time, but ya know, when a dude has a special squeeze he's gotta cool his jets toward other chicks, so don't feel put off by his response sweets!
Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 07:23:57 PM
It's confirmed that the university faculty will be going on strike tomorrow. Meaning they won't be doing what poor students who have to put themselves far into debt to pay thousands of dollars to have them do because they want a raise on their already thousands of dollars larger than I've ever had salary. F*** THEM.
I hate greed.
Quote from: Malachite on January 11, 2014, 11:49:05 PM
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 11:41:22 PM
Want me to kiss it all better?
Lol nah I'm good-that would be the time I would puke >.>
If anyone wanted to do that for me, I'd be extremely agreeable. lol
*kisses FA all better*
Quote from: FA on January 12, 2014, 07:45:42 PM
Lol nah I'm good-that would be the time I would puke >.>
If anyone wanted to do that for me, I'd be extremely agreeable. lol
Kisses for the person known as Nero anytime even hugs! ;D
Quote from: Gwynne on January 12, 2014, 07:29:17 PM
...and the road scholars (sessionals) stand to gain nothing. :-\
Nope and the students are the ones who lose the most from this.
Quote from: Shantel on January 12, 2014, 07:37:11 PM
Yes, which raises the question, is education about the student or is it about them? WTF?
Oh they're all for the education. (sarcasm) A couple of my teachers told us we have to teach ourselves and keep up with their lesson plan until the strike ends.
Quote from: Emo on January 12, 2014, 07:42:51 PM
I hate greed.
I don't mind it. I do mind when it gets in my way.
Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 08:01:04 PM
Nope and the students are the ones who lose the most from this.Oh they're all for the education. (sarcasm) A couple of my teachers told us we have to teach ourselves and keep up with their lesson plan until the strike ends.I don't mind it. I do mind when it gets in my way.
For what it's worth, the post-secondary system has some serious funding formula problems. :-\
Quote from: Edge on January 12, 2014, 08:01:04 PM
Nope and the students are the ones who lose the most from this.Oh they're all for the education. (sarcasm) A couple of my teachers told us we have to teach ourselves and keep up with their lesson plan until the strike ends.I don't mind it. I do mind when it gets in my way.
My son felt the same way just like Bill Gates did. My son said to h*ll with that, he's now building his second high rise building in Seattle.
I have a headache. P(-__- )
Quote from: Emo on January 12, 2014, 08:17:33 PM
I have a headache. P(-__- )
And the depression cycle continues...
Quote from: Emo on January 12, 2014, 07:42:51 PM
I hate greed.
Me too... but who's greed is it, the Professors (who may not have had a raise in years) or the University?
Without knowing the situation I would guess it's the uni being greedy, not the professors who are standing up for their workers rights.
As I see it, you paid for a service. If you don't receive it, demand a refund. I know a couple people who got one due to the prof quitting.
Quote from: KabitTarah on January 13, 2014, 03:44:59 AM
Me too... but who's greed is it, the Professors (who may not have had a raise in years) or the University?
Without knowing the situation I would guess it's the uni being greedy, not the professors who are standing up for their workers rights.
The professors are asking for huge raises and claim it's about "the future of" the university (which I find dubious) and the university offered them smaller raises and are claiming that they don't enough money to give them the huge raises.
I hate both sides. They should find some way of dealing with it that doesn't punish the students.
Quote from: Edge on January 13, 2014, 07:05:25 AM
The professors are asking for huge raises and claim it's about "the future of" the university (which I find dubious) and the university offered them smaller raises and are claiming that they don't enough money to give them the huge raises.
I hate both sides. They should find some way of dealing with it that doesn't punish the students.
I'm going to be frank about a couple of things, though. Even if they received the raises they wanted, they would be quite a bit behind the national average. The fear for a university is that it makes it difficult to attract top-notch faculty, and by extension, conduct competitive research.
A bit off topic, but if I were a classroom teacher in NB, I'd want a huge raise, too. School staff in your province make almost 30% less than the national average. That isn't greed--it's fighting for equity.
Frankly, I have trouble understanding the problem. I am well below the poverty line and can't understand why a raise in salary that is already a hundred thousand dollars more a year than I have ever made in my life is somehow worth not providing a service that students (many poor like me) are putting themselves into heaps of debt to be able to pay for. I don't give a crap if the two factions argue about it amongst themselves, but I don't understand why the students are being punished.
My main yahoo mail still won't let me log in. Same with my yahoo messenger
Part of my house shoe broke
My sister took some of my oranges yesterday and I'm still upset about that
Quote from: Shantel on January 12, 2014, 07:42:12 PM
Don't be put off by Malachite, he's into chicksters big time, but ya know, when a dude has a special squeeze he's gotta cool his jets toward other chicks, so don't feel put off by his response sweets!
yup. pretty much lol
I just shaved my arms and hands yesterday and they're already getting hairy again :(
Quote from: Willow on January 13, 2014, 12:30:56 PM
I just shaved my arms and hands yesterday and they're already getting hairy again :(
Shaving has been making my hair grow more than i want it to.
Quote from: Emo on January 13, 2014, 12:37:31 PM
Shaving has been making my hair grow more than i want it to.
I really hate this hair though :(
My legs, which I shaved yesterday, is to the length that ladies normally shave. I need estrogen and maybe laser on them too.
And I got sir'ed at lunch. That's never happened before. Umm, hello, boobs? I know they're fake, but who can tell?
Felt really uncomfortable for the first half of the day. It's probably a mental issue since several tests didn't show why my body keeps doing that. Nothing serious, probably psychosomatic. I'll spare you what i mean exactly, but it didn't make the long walk more pleasant, although i still enjoyed it.
Quote from: Willow on January 13, 2014, 02:01:45 PM
I really hate this hair though :(
My legs, which I shaved yesterday, is to the length that ladies normally shave. I need estrogen and maybe laser on them too.
And I got sir'ed at lunch. That's never happened before. Umm, hello, boobs? I know they're fake, but who can tell?
Lol. I always hate that.
I resent it when ppl refer to me as sir, man, or the like.
Would help if i actually tried tho.
Quote from: Willow on January 13, 2014, 12:30:56 PM
I just shaved my arms and hands yesterday and they're already getting hairy again :(
Arms are daily for me.
I've been lax on my lower body :( So hairy... :(
Quote from: KabitTarah on January 13, 2014, 03:32:56 PMArms are daily for me.
I've been lax on my lower body :( So hairy... :(
I don't always get a chance to since I have to use the men's showers.
Tell me why when I contact Yahoo for a problem with getting into my account, the contact form asks for an alternative email, I spend over an hour filling the form out, only for them to say they sent a customer care contact email to the address I can't get in.
Something tells me I will never be able to get that email address working again....
I cant cry...
I hate testosterone...
The professors are still on strike. I hope it doesn't last long.
Aside from the obvious reason this makes me upset, I also miss people (alright a person) who I probably won't see until we go back to school. Sorry I talk about this a lot, but my mind keeps going there.
Quote from: Edge on January 14, 2014, 07:06:25 AM
The professors are still on strike. I hope it doesn't last long.
Aside from the obvious reason this makes me upset, I also miss people (alright a person) who I probably won't see until we go back to school. Sorry I talk about this a lot, but my mind keeps going there.
*hugs*
Its ok. We're always listening. :3
i keep mixing up everything. While spending time with a girl i like i kept mixing up words, confusing her. this happens with everyone right now. Oh and moving my right foot hurts. It started this morning and won't stop.
Did a fitness test thing at work today, I've gained fat and lost muscle since September, and everyone was saying it was good because it puts me more in the healthy range for a female, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself, especially as it happened because I'm too dysphoric to see myself in the gym mirrors.
Then we played dodgeball, I was watching while the other half of our class played and managed to get smacked in the head. Hard. I'm now sitting in a drying room/cupboard off the bathroom because it's dark and reasonably quiet.
got caught in a group of girls talking about their periods and boob growth, had to clutch my arm till it bleed to keep from crying.
a bit tired, have a headache and I really don't feel like making myself something to eat, but I need to....
There's something rotting in the employee fridge were I often, but no longer, store my lunch.
Why do I miss him so much? Ffs I just saw him on Friday! Probably made an (silly looking person) of myself too.
Also, my boy is not doing so well. He slept all afternoon and has dark circles around his eyes. At least his coughs sound a little better.
Quote from: Edge on January 14, 2014, 04:38:46 PM
Why do I miss him so much? Ffs I just saw him on Friday! Probably made an (silly looking person) of myself too.
Also, my boy is not doing so well. He slept all afternoon and has dark circles around his eyes. At least his coughs sound a little better.
You must really like him.
Will you take you son to the doc?
Quote from: Constance on January 14, 2014, 04:34:27 PM
There's something rotting in the employee fridge were I often, but no longer, store my lunch.
This is the story of my life. The office fridge smells like such crap and I don't even trust the microwave. And then the same thing at home...can't trust the food...I store mine in the drink fridge we have in the garage. Slight improvement!
Quote from: Emo on January 14, 2014, 04:46:50 PM
You must really like him.
Will you take you son to the doc?
If he's the same tomorrow, yeah.
Quote from: caleb. on January 14, 2014, 04:48:03 PM
This is the story of my life. The office fridge smells like such crap and I don't even trust the microwave. And then the same thing at home...can't trust the food...I store mine in the drink fridge we have in the garage. Slight improvement!
I'll do the department mom thing to an extent. I'll make the coffee in the morning, replenish the paper towels, even wipe down the counter if it's not too bad. But for the love of sheep, I don't live here. I clean the fridge at home. Not here.
Quote from: Constance on January 14, 2014, 04:58:06 PM
I'll do the department mom thing to an extent. I'll make the coffee in the morning, replenish the paper towels, even wipe down the counter if it's not too bad. But for the love of sheep, I don't live here. I clean the fridge at home. Not here.
Fair enough. The most I really do is throw out obviously rotten stuff, and wipe the table. I know there was one girl who cleaned the microwave and left a very strongly worded note lol. She was like "I wanted to use the microwave but it was too gross, so I asked the cleaning staff for a bottle of cleaner, USE THIS IF YOU MAKE A MESS. Thx <3"
Quote from: caleb. on January 14, 2014, 05:05:49 PM
Fair enough. The most I really do is throw out obviously rotten stuff, and wipe the table. I know there was one girl who cleaned the microwave and left a very strongly worded note lol. She was like "I wanted to use the microwave but it was too gross, so I asked the cleaning staff for a bottle of cleaner, USE THIS IF YOU MAKE A MESS. Thx <3"
How about: "I'm not your mom kids, she doesn't work here!"
One time, when I was 18 or so, I was sitting at this filthy desk with a ton of garbage on it from someone's lunch. I didn't want to touch it. So I left a while later and I guess someone assumed it was mine, because they left a note written in pen on the desk that said "to the guy with the messy brown hair and the blue t-shirt who left juice boxes and sandwich bags all over this desk on Monday - YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIVE HERE. You are in university now and you should be able to clean up after yourself."
Rather than being annoyed at the fact they thought it was mine, or amused at their vandalism of the desk, I was thrilled that I was seen as a guy from behind. :P
Quote from: caleb. on January 14, 2014, 05:16:11 PM
One time, when I was 18 or so, I was sitting at this filthy desk with a ton of garbage on it from someone's lunch. I didn't want to touch it. So I left a while later and I guess someone assumed it was mine, because they left a note written in pen on the desk that said "to the guy with the messy brown hair and the blue t-shirt who left juice boxes and sandwich bags all over this desk on Monday - YOUR MOM DOESN'T LIVE HERE. You are in university now and you should be able to clean up after yourself."
Rather than being annoyed at the fact they thought it was mine, or amused at their vandalism of the desk, I was thrilled that I was seen as a guy from behind. :P
((((Hugs)))) I get you hon!
Quote from: Shantel on January 14, 2014, 05:19:54 PM
((((Hugs)))) I get you hon!
I miss those days, where I had more hope. :P
Quote from: caleb. on January 14, 2014, 05:21:16 PM
I miss those days, where I had more hope. :P
Hey where's that coming from?
Quote from: Shantel on January 14, 2014, 05:23:45 PM
Hey where's that coming from?
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,157752.0.html
Well this is just absolutely great. Dysphoria won at 630 so unread of getting upi laid back down, fell asleep, and now woke up 12 hours later, missing a class I can only miss twice in the semestre. I'm also starved, I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday.
I envy those who can just walk out the door and be able to present female without having to spend 15-30 minutes on makeup. I'm just going to go to the caf in guy mode. I don't feel like making an event of it.
Can't wait for the day which I can.
Quote from: Willow on January 14, 2014, 05:30:25 PM
Well this is just absolutely great. Dysphoria won at 630 so unread of getting upi laid back down, fell asleep, and now woke up 12 hours later, missing a class I can only miss twice in the semestre. I'm also starved, I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday.
I envy those who can just walk out the door and be able to present female without having to spend 15-30 minutes on makeup. I'm just going to go to the caf in guy mode. I don't feel like making an event of it.
Can't wait for the day which I can.
*hugs* That sounds really horrible and familiar. I wish I knew something I could say to make it better.
Quote from: caleb. on January 14, 2014, 05:34:16 PM*hugs* That sounds really horrible and familiar. I wish I knew something I could say to make it better.
It seems pathetic but I think I'm quitting going full time after just over a week. Or maybe I just need hormones and more clothes. Unhappiness, or finding a way to get more money? I might just go to the school clinic for the perscription, make it easier than trying to wrangle woth insurance to see yet another off campus doctor.
My hours are being cut at my new job because the new manager decided not to fire the guy that the old manager was going to when the stores hours were cut.
Time to look for a second job or a new full time job
My mom has a lung infection....and she as other lung problems that she doesn't want to tell me about.
Dad keeps calling, he's sure to ask about classes. I don't want him to know that I've changed majors because I know he'll be angry about it.
Quote from: Willow on January 14, 2014, 07:10:36 PM
Dad keeps calling, he's sure to ask about classes. I don't want him to know that I've changed majors because I know he'll be angry about it.
He'll find out sooner or later.
Quote from: Emo on January 14, 2014, 07:20:13 PMHe'll find out sooner or later.
I know. I'm still scared though.
Quote from: Willow on January 14, 2014, 07:22:10 PM
I know. I'm still scared though.
well you got brothers and sisters here for emotional support.
I have to interact with my family a bit in order to find out about my family history. My curiosity about my ancestors is stronger than my hatred for them. However, my mother had the nerve to ignore my rules. It frustrates me that she still dares consider herself my equal.
Filmed a coming out vlog today. I looked at it. Big mistake. Super slam dysphoria uppercut. Suicidal thoughts arrived back from their holidays. I hate this condition.
Hormones soon.
Quote from: Emmaline on January 15, 2014, 12:13:23 AM
Filmed a coming out vlog today. I looked at it. Big mistake. Super slam dysphoria uppercut. Suicidal thoughts arrived back from their holidays. I hate this condition.
Hormones soon.
You too ?
Seems like a theme in our lives huh?
Parents forcing me into therapy.....
Therapist is NOT qualified to deal with gender disphoria, not to mention they'll be drug testing. (Smoked a bit after coming out.....) So I'm not thrilled about that at all.
Seems like a giant waste of time and money, it's all coming out of my pocket to get a therapist who isn't even qualified to work with me.
My Mother was actually trying to coach me... telling me not to mention anything gender related. She just wants me to get on antidepressants.
A thread I read yesterday. I was seriously thinking about erasing all online accounts. My gaming ones, fb, possibly even here. Decided I need my friends here, will likely still end the rest.
Mae Young dying. :(
QuoteYou too ?
Seems like a theme in our lives huh?
Tis why we are here babes. ;)
QuoteTherapist is NOT qualified to deal with gender disphoria
Major problems there Sarah Rose... qualified or not, any therapist can help manage your interactions with your family, help with your survival and give you a place to voice your feelings. Try for therapy away from your parents- and hammer on that gender subject. It may not seem like it right now, but if you can hold on, you will be free to make your own path before you know it.
I was looking forward to making some dinner but it didn't work out and now it's 5AM and I'm too depressed to even think about it :P Think I'll just go to bed and hope I don't wake up
Quote from: LordKAT on January 15, 2014, 12:57:44 AM
A thread I read yesterday. I was seriously thinking about erasing all online accounts. My gaming ones, fb, possibly even here. Decided I need my friends here, will likely still end the rest.
How come? Why all your online accounts?
Dysphoria has hit again. It seems showers are the cause, or at least a trigger. I have no desire to leave my room today. But I don't have much of a choice. *sigh* 80 minutes to dress, do makeup, breakfast, and get to class. I'm getting really effing tired of this.
Quote from: Willow on January 15, 2014, 07:57:09 AM
Dysphoria has hit again. It seems showers are the cause, or at least a trigger. I have no desire to leave my room today. But I don't have much of a choice. *sigh* 80 minutes to dress, do makeup, breakfast, and get to class. I'm getting really effing tired of this.
Just hang in there.
Keep your chin up!
You should probably shower at night so you dont start off your day with dysphoria.
Freezing rain and thunder showers. :-\
Showers are bad enough. I can't imagine trying to shower in a dorm, a men's shower for you has got to be bad.
Quote from: Emo on January 15, 2014, 08:01:03 AMJust hang in there.
Keep your chin up!
You should probably shower at night so you dont start off your day with dysphoria.
I tried showering on monday night, didn't work like I wanted it to; I was up all night with dysphoria and then fell asleep as I was trying to get out of bed to get ready for breakfast and then class. And ended up sleeping 12 hours. Neither is really working right now.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 15, 2014, 08:05:55 AMShowers are bad enough. I can't imagine trying to shower in a dorm, a men's shower for you has got to be bad.
Fortunately it's nothing like a gym shower, they're in stalls, but it's still really annoying to have to change back into not being myself; wearing clothes that aren't me, having to walk and talk in a different manner, and worst of all, shaving. I'm also now out of decent shaving cream, and don't have time until Friday to buy more. Meaning I'll have to use the men's foam I have which does not work well on legs, arms, or in the shower.
Quote from: Willow on January 15, 2014, 08:10:13 AM
I tried showering on monday night, didn't work like I wanted it to; I was up all night with dysphoria and then fell asleep as I was trying to get out of bed to get ready for breakfast and then class. And ended up sleeping 12 hours. Neither is really working right now.Fortunately it's nothing like a gym shower, they're in stalls, but it's still really annoying to have to change back into not being myself; wearing clothes that aren't me, having to walk and talk in a different manner, and worst of all, shaving. I'm also now out of decent shaving cream, and don't have time until Friday to buy more. Meaning I'll have to use the men's foam I have which does not work well on legs, arms, or in the shower.
Wow. Im sorry.
This is a dilema...
What about showering right after classes then doing something you like?
You could go ask for shaving cream at the girls dorms if youre not too embarrassed i guess.
Quote from: Emo on January 15, 2014, 08:22:10 AM
Wow. Im sorry.
This is a dilema...
What about showering right after classes then doing something you like?
You could go ask for shaving cream at the girls dorms if youre not too embarrassed i guess.
That means reapplying makeup (which costs quite a bit) and also assumes that I have about an hour free after class, which I don't always do.
That assumes that someone would actually want to lend shaving cream. Kinda a weird thing to lend away.
I didn't even know there was such a thing as women's shaving cream. Shows how good a girl I was.
Is there time you can shower in the dark? That always helps me.
Quote from: lxndr on January 15, 2014, 10:12:23 AMI didn't even know there was such a thing as women's shaving cream. Shows how good a girl I was.
Is there time you can shower in the dark? That always helps me.
It's glyceryl based and is better for sensitive skin.
WHat do you mean, "girl I was?" I think you mean female impersonator.
Probably at like 4am.
My dads general bigotry combined with my medication having a bad effect on me has really been screwing with me lately. It's so frustrating, especially since I was starting to think I could finally come out to him, and now it looks like that has been set back yet again.
Why do people call customer and technical support if they don't have the time or inclination to go through any basic troubleshooting steps?
Quote from: Willow on January 15, 2014, 10:16:23 AM
It's glyceryl based and is better for sensitive skin.
I like to use Skintimate for my face. It's very sensitive and the razor just glides over it. They smell so good too.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 15, 2014, 12:57:44 AM
A thread I read yesterday. I was seriously thinking about erasing all online accounts. My gaming ones, fb, possibly even here. Decided I need my friends here, will likely still end the rest.
You can't abandon your friends and upset us like that Kat!
Quote from: caleb. on January 15, 2014, 11:12:19 AMI like to use Skintimate for my face. It's very sensitive and the razor just glides over it. They smell so good too.
Probably costs more than the $1.59 Meijer brand cream, which is actually pretty good. Don't cut myself nearly as much as I do with the Nivea foam.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 15, 2014, 12:40:08 AM
Parents forcing me into therapy.....
Therapist is NOT qualified to deal with gender disphoria, not to mention they'll be drug testing. (Smoked a bit after coming out.....) So I'm not thrilled about that at all.
Seems like a giant waste of time and money, it's all coming out of my pocket to get a therapist who isn't even qualified to work with me.
My Mother was actually trying to coach me... telling me not to mention anything gender related. She just wants me to get on antidepressants.
So what she's saying is that she's in diametric opposition to the direction that you have chosen for your life and would rather have you develop a dependency on psychotropic drugs and become easier to manipulate. Good luck with that Sarah Rose, you'll have to get your back up and just say no!
Quote from: Willow on January 15, 2014, 10:16:23 AM
WHat do you mean, "girl I was?" I think you mean female impersonator.
I meant it sarcastically, it comes off better spoken I guess.
The next UFC isn't going to be on the PS3
Shark week, cramps, and lot of blood. Ew.
Quote from: Edge on January 15, 2014, 07:04:15 PM
Shark week, cramps, and lot of blood. Ew.
Just think of it as purging what remains in a violent blaze of glory! Muahahaha.
ugh... I mentioned that I was saving up for HRT.....
My Mother responds with "do you want me to have a panic attack?!" Like it was a threat, I know it's not easy to deal with.
However at the same time I'm not putting my life on hold any longer to spare the feelings of everyone else... It's my life damnit!
Quote from: caleb. on January 15, 2014, 07:08:44 PM
Just think of it as purging what remains in a violent blaze of glory! Muahahaha.
Excellent idea!
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 15, 2014, 07:11:20 PM
ugh... I mentioned that I was saving up for HRT.....
My Mother responds with "do you want me to have a panic attack?!" Like it was a threat, I know it's not easy to deal with.
However at the same time I'm not putting my life on hold any longer to spare the feelings of everyone else... It's my life damnit!
A panic attack is much easier to deal with than gender dysphoria.
Stupid Selective Services keeps sending me letters telling me to register, which I already had when I signed up for FAFSA back last year, but if they deny I did, I can't convince them I'm female until I have my birth certificate changed.
For me it was listening to a recording of my voice trying to pass as female. I have a long way to go :(
Heartbroken. I want to hold my sweetie. :( :'(
I am ugly, stupid and boring. I have no friends, nobody likes me (not even here), i'm poor, this sucks.
Feeling like a failure of a man because I can't seem to please those I love.
Quote from: Donna Troy on January 16, 2014, 01:02:25 AM
I am ugly, stupid and boring. I have no friends, nobody likes me (not even here), i'm poor, this sucks.
Ill like you.
Hi im Noelle. :)
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 15, 2014, 07:11:20 PM
ugh... I mentioned that I was saving up for HRT.....
My Mother responds with "do you want me to have a panic attack?!" Like it was a threat, I know it's not easy to deal with.
However at the same time I'm not putting my life on hold any longer to spare the feelings of everyone else... It's my life damnit!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx2u5uUu3DE
Quote from: Malachite on January 16, 2014, 01:09:16 AM
Feeling like a failure of a man because I can't seem to please those I love.
those you love? or those who love you?
Quote from: Willow on January 15, 2014, 10:05:39 PM
Stupid Selective Services keeps sending me letters telling me to register, which I already had when I signed up for FAFSA back last year, but if they deny I did, I can't convince them I'm female until I have my birth certificate changed.
I signed up. The post office that took the registration never sent it in and I had to do it again.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 16, 2014, 01:19:03 AM
those you love? or those who love you?
Both I suppose. I can't seem to please anyone I love....or anyone that loves me.
Quote from: Malachite on January 16, 2014, 01:22:05 AM
Both I suppose. I can't seem to please anyone I love....or anyone that loves me.
Because of you or because of them?
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 01:23:12 AM
Because of you or because of them?
Probably because of me.
Quote from: Malachite on January 16, 2014, 01:25:28 AM
Probably because of me.
its usually them. What have you tried?
Quote from: caleb. on January 15, 2014, 11:17:21 PM
Heartbroken. I want to hold my sweetie. :( :'(
this.
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 01:27:30 AM
its usually them. What have you tried?
That's what I think sometimes too but I just can't admit it. I try to do what I can. It doesn't seem to work.
Quote from: caleb. on January 15, 2014, 11:17:21 PM
Heartbroken. I want to hold my sweetie. :( :'(
Quote from: Keaira Raine on January 16, 2014, 01:31:33 AM
this.
-hugs for both of you-
Quote from: Malachite on January 16, 2014, 01:31:42 AM
That's what I think sometimes too but I just can't admit it. I try to do what I can. It doesn't seem to work.
How about this. What havent you tried ?
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 01:42:39 AM
How about this. What havent you tried ?
Depends on person really I guess
Quote from: Malachite on January 16, 2014, 01:22:05 AM
Both I suppose. I can't seem to please anyone I love....or anyone that loves me.
I call BS. There are people here who love you.
The bigger point is, you first have to please yourself. If you don't care for you, why would anyone else? So, Get Loki styled, realize that you are loved, and then.....IDK what should we do next?
Quote from: LordKAT on January 16, 2014, 01:54:54 AM
I call BS. There are people here who love you.
The bigger point is, you first have to please yourself. If you don't care for you, why would anyone else? So, Get Loki styled, realize that you are loved, and then.....IDK what should we do next?
To the moon!
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 15, 2014, 07:11:20 PM
ugh... I mentioned that I was saving up for HRT.....
My Mother responds with "do you want me to have a panic attack?!" Like it was a threat, I know it's not easy to deal with.
However at the same time I'm not putting my life on hold any longer to spare the feelings of everyone else... It's my life damnit!
A classic parental attempt at emotional manipulation! :icon_ballbounce:
Quote from: LordKAT on January 16, 2014, 01:54:54 AM
I call BS. There are people here who love you.
The bigger point is, you first have to please yourself. If you don't care for you, why would anyone else? So, Get Loki styled, realize that you are loved, and then.....IDK what should we do next?
I whole heartedly approve.
I was going to come out on facebook......
Then my Mother comes into the room telling me how selfish it is and that I need to think about everyone else's feelings....
Then we get to where I can't say it today because my Mother will lose her job because she won't be able to work if I come out and... yadda yadda yadda..
I ended up putting a hole in the wall...... So I'm even more upset about that because now I have to waste money to fix it.
I guess I'm not coming out today.... if my Mother has her way I never will.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 16, 2014, 12:40:55 PM
I was going to come out on facebook......
Then my Mother comes into the room telling me how selfish it is and that I need to think about everyone else's feelings....
Then we get to where I can't say it today because my Mother will lose her job because she won't be able to work if I come out and... yadda yadda yadda..
I ended up putting a hole in the wall...... So I'm even more upset about that because now I have to waste money to fix it.
I guess I'm not coming out today.... if my Mother has her way I never will.
(((Hugs))) Fix the wall and learn self control! Eventually you will have to take charge of your own life and not bow to every whim of mommy dearest, she obviously has her own interests at heart not yours. Parent's can be awfully manipulative and worry how they will be perceived by others on account of you, and as long as you live under their roof they have the power. No doubt you will have to make some hard choices soon.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 16, 2014, 12:40:55 PM
I was going to come out on facebook......
Then my Mother comes into the room telling me how selfish it is and that I need to think about everyone else's feelings....
Then we get to where I can't say it today because my Mother will lose her job because she won't be able to work if I come out and... yadda yadda yadda..
I ended up putting a hole in the wall...... So I'm even more upset about that because now I have to waste money to fix it.
I guess I'm not coming out today.... if my Mother has her way I never will.
How the heck would you coming out affect HER job? Seriously how?
Well what made me unhappy today was that i was going to try makeup today... But i chickened out. :(
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 16, 2014, 12:40:55 PMThen my Mother comes into the room telling me how selfish it is and that I need to think about everyone else's feelings....
Oh Sarah,
It sounds like our mothers ate very similar; they both feel that we're being selfish, like we're doing something to them negative. Just know you have done nothing wrong. In fact, you're doing the right thing.
I'd guess that your mother is very controlling, and also bursts into tears whenever you mention anything about transition, especially if you show hera picture, if you've done that.
Quote from: Willow on January 16, 2014, 01:02:52 PM
Oh Sarah,
It sounds like our mothers ate very similar; they both feel that we're being selfish, like we're doing something to them negative. Just know you have done nothing wrong. In fact, you're doing the right thing.
I'd guess that your mother is very controlling, and also bursts into tears whenever you mention anything about transition, especially if you show hera picture, if you've done that.
ugh... yes you are exactly right. She's been controlling my entire life but...
Yeah, photos, talking, etc... If it has anything to do with transition she's balling her eyes out.
I could join this club.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 16, 2014, 01:25:20 PMugh... yes you are exactly right. She's been controlling my entire life but...
Yeah, photos, talking, etc... If it has anything to do with transition she's balling her eyes out.
Are you sure we don't have the same mother?
Only way is over the top; you have to show her that she's the selfish one, not you. Show, not tell. I'd tell you what I knew, but I'm still trying to figure her out myself. She hasn't talked work me since the 27th, when I left home to go to dad's for a little while and then back to school. Neither her not my sister call, text, email, or answer mine.
I'll stay in touch and help as much as I can :)
Sorry to hear about your mother issues. She sounds a lot like my mother. "Don't you ever think about anyone else?" or "Think about what you are doing to me!" You may want to read a book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It was very eye-opening for me. You mother sounds narcissistic. I know we tend to think of narcissists as vain, but they are much more than that. Google "narcissistic mother" and check out that book. It may help.
In the mean time, stay the course. People who try to detract you are only doing it for themselves and not for you. If you had a healthy relationship with your mother, she would be more understanding--unless she's just working through the five stages of grief. Not sure how long it's been since you've come out to her but based on what you've said it sounds like she is just focused on herself.
Jane.
Quote from: JaneNicole2013 on January 16, 2014, 05:34:02 PM
Sorry to hear about your mother issues. She sounds a lot like my mother. "Don't you ever think about anyone else?" or "Think about what you are doing to me!" You may want to read a book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It was very eye-opening for me. You mother sounds narcissistic. I know we tend to think of narcissists as vain, but they are much more than that. Google "narcissistic mother" and check out that book. It may help.
In the mean time, stay the course. People who try to detract you are only doing it for themselves and not for you. If you had a healthy relationship with your mother, she would be more understanding--unless she's just working through the five stages of grief. Not sure how long it's been since you've come out to her but based on what you've said it sounds like she is just focused on herself.
Jane.
Yeah that sounds like her alright...
I told her today that if this keeps up I'm moving out, and that I won't let someone else's feelings put my life on hold.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 16, 2014, 05:44:30 PM
Yeah that sounds like her alright...
I told her today that if this keeps up I'm moving out, and that I won't let someone else's feelings put my life on hold.
Good for you and kudos for coming out at such a young age and hanging in there despite the opposition. Takes a strong woman to do that :).
Jane
Realized i put a post in the wrong thread.
Feeling upset...
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 12:56:03 PM
Well what made me unhappy today was that i was going to try makeup today... But i chickened out. :(
Same thing happened to me tonight. Went with g/f to Ulta and she was showing me some of the products. The sales clerk asked if we needed help and my g/f gave me a chance to say something but I didn't. At least I walked into the store with her and was open about asking questions, so I felt good about that.
Quote from: JaneNicole2013 on January 16, 2014, 09:25:00 PM
Same thing happened to me tonight. Went with g/f to Ulta and she was showing me some of the products. The sales clerk asked if we needed help and my g/f gave me a chance to say something but I didn't. At least I walked into the store with her and was open about asking questions, so I felt good about that.
Im not even close to being that open about it...
Quote from: JaneNicole2013 on January 16, 2014, 09:25:00 PM
Same thing happened to me tonight. Went with g/f to Ulta and she was showing me some of the products. The sales clerk asked if we needed help and my g/f gave me a chance to say something but I didn't. At least I walked into the store with her and was open about asking questions, so I felt good about that.
Its progress well done... same thing happened to me , I was with my mom though not girlfriend XDXD
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 09:27:46 PM
Im not even close to being that open about it...
Dont worry emo im sure soon you will :)
Quote from: Emo on January 16, 2014, 09:27:46 PM
Im not even close to being that open about it...
Baby steps. I am gradually gaining more and more confidence. I would NOT have been able to do what I did tonight a month ago.
Quote from: Liam Erik on January 16, 2014, 09:57:55 PM
I did my shot today and had a bad reaction. There's a weird leg pain associated with the injection that usually kicks in after some hours, but it's generally not worth noticing. Today has been the worst I've ever had. It's gone down into my knee for some reason. There's no difference in injection procedure that I can tell; it just happens sometimes.
I hope it goes away by Saturday so I can catch some sheep and inject them while I've got help around, because the particular injection they need burns like nobody's business. Is that irony?
You should go see a doc.
Just for the record.
No one here is worthless, no one here is 'bad' no one here is to blame for our 'condition', we owe no one a reason not to be ourselves, we are not to blame for other peoples inability to face the truth, we are not to blame for other people not accepting us be they our parents, out partners, our bosses or our ex friends.
You are all wonderful, brave and fantastic people.
Anyone who has an opposite opinion will have their ass kicked by me :laugh:
Hugs my family
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:09:07 AM
Just for the record.
No one here is worthless, no one here is 'bad' no one here is to blame for our 'condition', we owe no one a reason not to be ourselves, we are not to blame for other peoples inability to face the truth, we are not to blame for other people not accepting us be they our parents, out partners, our bosses or our ex friends.
You are all wonderful, brave and fantastic people.
Anyone who has an opposite opinion will have their ass kicked by me :laugh:
Hugs my family
Cindy
Come kick my ass. I painted a target.
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 12:11:31 AM
Come kick my ass. I painted a target.
Nah, I'd take you shopping, get you some cute clothes, a make over and take you out for dinner and let you enjoy yourself.
I'm cruel that way :laugh:
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:15:32 AM
Nah, I'd take you shopping, get you some cute clothes, a make over and take you out for dinner and let you enjoy yourself.
I'm cruel that way :laugh:
I wish...
Emo
Cindy WILL find you, trust me. Resistance is useless. :)
Next it's my turn, yes please.
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 17, 2014, 12:19:17 AM
Emo
Cindy WILL find you, trust me. Resistance is useless. :)
Next it's my turn, yes please.
You are easy, just come over to Adelaide for a few days, I have a spare room!
No not the SPARE room! Not that. :laugh:
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 17, 2014, 12:22:11 AM
No not the SPARE room! Not that. :laugh:
But it is quite nice, the blood has been cleaned up and I've polished the shackles.
I'm waiting!!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc03.deviantart.net%2Ffs71%2Fi%2F2012%2F048%2F2%2Fa%2Fmistress_dom_figurine_by_skullhead63-d4q20yn.jpg&hash=6e33c52ad5cf56de6d1c6e2bee758a37671e94d4)
Shall I bring my gear or have you enough for two to play?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DH.4903874601223447%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=519171f208f70d821b2b0c22b5122567014ad682)
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:25:37 AM
But it is quite nice, the blood has been cleaned up and I've polished the shackles.
I'm waiting!!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffc03.deviantart.net%2Ffs71%2Fi%2F2012%2F048%2F2%2Fa%2Fmistress_dom_figurine_by_skullhead63-d4q20yn.jpg&hash=6e33c52ad5cf56de6d1c6e2bee758a37671e94d4)
Those boobs look lopsided...
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 17, 2014, 12:32:03 AM
Shall I bring my gear our have you enough for two to play?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DH.4903874601223447%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1&hash=519171f208f70d821b2b0c22b5122567014ad682)
The plane trip could be interesting! You going to fly Virgin?
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 12:33:39 AM
Those boobs look lopsided...
You want to come over and argue that :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:34:22 AM
The plane trip could be interesting! You going to fly Virgin?
I see what you did there.
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:35:38 AM
You want to come over and argue that :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Come at me sis!
... yes i would love to come over.
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 12:49:38 AM
... yes i would love to come over.
I know Hon, one day I will win the lottery and have an enormous place that all of my friends can come to, be safe and enjoy themselves.
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 12:52:57 AM
I know Hon, one day I will win the lottery and have an enormous place that all of my friends can come to, be safe and enjoy themselves.
Heart full of grace. Soul full of love.
Youre an amazing person.
I can haz come?
I've always wanted to go to Australia, and that's just an added bonus.
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 01:14:36 AM
I can haz come?
I've always wanted to go to Australia, and that's just an added bonus.
You can have the Princess room, it will be done out in pink with bows and frills and a wardrobe full of fashion clothes and access to the corporate credit card :-*
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 01:18:30 AMYou can have the Princess room, it will be done out in pink with bows and frills and a wardrobe full of fashion clothes and access to the corporate credit card :-*
Ooh, this sounds like fun!
Can I borrow the card in advance for the flight? ;D
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 01:22:15 AM
Ooh, this sounds like fun!
Can I borrow the card in advance for the flight? ;D
Flights will be paid for, cargo class, just find a box !
I tried various boxes but kept getting busted :-\ Something about farting and/or snoring too loud
Quote from: V M on January 17, 2014, 01:30:55 AM
I tried various boxes but kept getting busted :-\ Something about farting and/or snoring too loud
You my Sister are an exception in every term of the word!!
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 01:25:12 AMFlights will be paid for, cargo class, just find a box !
Dangit, I was hoping to fly CX in J.
*goes to search for a large cardboard box*
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 01:37:32 AM
Dangit, I was hoping to fly CX in J.
*goes to search for a large cardboard box*
Just remember to add, no return wanted :laugh:
Quote from: Cindy on January 17, 2014, 01:40:11 AMJust remember to add, no return wanted :laugh:
:D not sure if I'd want to with all that!
I found a nice wooden box. Labeled it and put it out for the mailman. Turns out that it is hard to nail shut from the inside.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 17, 2014, 02:08:06 AMI found a nice wooden box. Labeled it and put it out for the mailman. Turns out that it is hard to nail shut from the inside.
Also hard to draw on compared to cardboard.
What, from Chicago to Brisbane is a long way, and that's just one of the flights. I'm going to get board, and cell phone and laptop batteries only last so long.
My bed frame is breaking into pieces so I keep getting lower to the ground- this is going to affect my gaming
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 02:27:14 AMMy bed frame is breaking into pieces so I keep getting lower to the ground- this is going to affect my gaming
Lucky you, I didn't have a bed frame for 3 years. Just a thin mattress on the floor.
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 02:31:14 AM
Lucky you, I didn't have a bed frame for 3 years. Just a thin mattress on the floor.
That might be a bit better than a leaning spikey bed lol
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 02:33:09 AMThat might be a bit better than a leaning spikey bed lol
I guess.
I feel like the worst person on the planet right now... And an idiot...
Why?
I broke up with the only person who cared enough to try to love me...
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 02:40:54 AMI broke up with the only person who cared enough to try to love me...
Similar thing happened to me last week.
Except he didn't even "officially" get together with me, so "no harm done."
You need a huggle.
**hugs** for Emo and Willow
Im not the one who needs the hug..
Im the villain here.
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 02:48:27 AMIm not the one who needs the hug..
Im the villain here.
Villains rape and/or murder. You do no such thing. You're no villain.
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 02:48:27 AM
Im not the one who needs the hug..
Im the villain here.
What motivated your decision?
Quote from: LordKAT on January 17, 2014, 02:51:24 AM
What motivated your decision?
I didnt want to lead him on or use him ...
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 02:51:06 AM
Villains rape and/or murder. You do no such thing. You're no villain.
Emotional pain is the worst.
Loving someone can also mean you have to hurt them to protect them
Im done with love.
No-one loves me, so I don't have to worry about it
Ive loved and lost, but now ive thrown it away. Im a monster...
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 03:03:43 AM
Ive loved and lost, but now ive thrown it away. Im a monster...
You're not a monster. At least you had the decency and respect for that person to actually tell them and break it off. I've been in relationships where the girl couldn't even give me that and just left with no warning.
That's monsterish in my opinion.
My bed frame has split again. I'm officially the leaning tower of Malachite.
Bed frame split again? Possibly it is time to man up and either repair the bed frame or replace it?
Quote from: V M on January 17, 2014, 03:27:46 AM
Bed frame split again? Possibly it is time to man up and either repair the bed frame or replace it?
My mother said she would try to get it repace when she can get more money. In the meantime I'll try to find some things to help prop up the bed.
Quote from: V M on January 17, 2014, 03:02:15 AM
No-one loves me, so I don't have to worry about it
You were one of the first people I used to look for so I could read your posts, back in my lurking days. You are loved and respected, I wish you knew how much.
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 03:35:14 AM
My mother said she would try to get it repace when she can get more money. In the meantime I'll try to find some things to help prop up the bed.
Once upon a time I made a bed frame out of a bunch of thrown out milk crates. You can make your own out of almost anything. find whatever isn't needed elsewhere and figure out how to put it together. It will be a fun learning experience.
my other house shoe decided to tear up
So lets see:
My bed is broken
My house shoes are broken
My main yahoo mail/messenger isn't working
I feel like such a winner.
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 06:38:22 AM
my other house shoe decided to tear up
So lets see:
My bed is broken
My house shoes are broken
My main yahoo mail/messenger isn't working
I feel like such a winner.
Get thyself a chicken dinner!
Hot cooking oil spatter burns on my right wrist and hand :P
Quote from: Willow on January 17, 2014, 06:39:59 AM
Get thyself a chicken dinner!
Why chicken and not pizza?
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 06:45:44 AM
Why chicken and not pizza?
That doesn't sound as good, rhyme wise.
Get thyself a chicken dinner!
Get thyself a.. pizza.
See?
My jaw and chin seem big today :(
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on January 17, 2014, 07:14:32 AM
That doesn't sound as good, rhyme wise.
Get thyself a chicken dinner!
Get thyself a.. pizza.
See?
I don't get it. ???
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 07:40:25 AM
I don't get it. ???
You ended your last sentence with "I feel like such a winner"
(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on January 17, 2014, 08:10:19 AM(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)
Nope, totally meant it :D
Although chicken is like 93% always good.
Sockboobs make me unhappy.
Quote from: Kittenswithmittens on January 17, 2014, 08:10:19 AM
You ended your last sentence with "I feel like such a winner"
(inb4 I was *the* only person who thought of that and Willow simply meant that you could do with some chicken haha)
Oooo that makes more sense now, lol.
Quote from: Emo on January 17, 2014, 03:03:43 AM
Ive loved and lost, but now ive thrown it away. Im a monster...
My last ex threatened to kill me, used my triggers to hurt and threaten me, had episodes whenever he drank where he would get very scary, had me walking on eggshells to avoid his anger, and lied, manipulated, and threatened me into staying with him.
You're a monster?
I don't want to be capable of love. I thought I wasn't anymore and it was great. (My son doesn't count since it's a different dynamic.) And then I slipped and care about someone who can never feel the same for me. I have no idea why the ability to care about people came back, but I don't like it. No one can ever love me.
Winner winner chicken dinner...
I think i get unhappy when im sleepy...
I'm pissed off with this stupid strike.
I'm stressed out because of student loans.
I'm angry that people keep assuming things about me. Namely, that I'm stupider than I actually am.
Although maybe I am because I'm impulsive and may have said something I shouldn't have and now I'm conflicted about it. At least, I said it German (probably badly), so unless someone takes the time to translate it, no one knows what I said anyway.
I'm angry with myself for having a weakness I know causes me pain.
Quote from: Edge on January 17, 2014, 12:51:24 PM
I'm pissed off with this stupid strike.
I'm stressed out because of student loans.
I'm angry that people keep assuming things about me. Namely, that I'm stupider than I actually am.
Although maybe I am because I'm impulsive and may have said something I shouldn't have and now I'm conflicted about it. At least, I said it German (probably badly), so unless someone takes the time to translate it, no one knows what I said anyway.
I'm angry with myself for having a weakness I know causes me pain.
Don't beat up on yourself so much Edge, what about the positive things? Focus on them for awhile and things won't seem so bleak!
I'm having issues getting my college loan payments deferred...
It's $90/mo I don't have and if I can't deffer it that means I'd have to post-pone HRT until I can find a better job, which in this economy and my area... isn't going to happen.
Absolutely terrified.
My father got his provisional license and is going to take me driving tommorrow. -hisses-
I hate living in a place where the public transportation is crap....
I despise driving....
I have a ticker that tracks the time until my consult for chest reconstruction. It's the only thing that I've got to hang on to. Going out today was hard. I was happy about a lot of things, but I couldn't get the chest or my other attributes out of my head. I truly feel stuck in between and I honestly can't shake the fear that everyone can tell I am trans and are just humouring me. I'm better off than before transition, no doubt, but I feel like the little kid again who was just about to hit puberty. Back then I thought "you were supposed to be born a guy, but you're going to have to accept being a girl because there's no way to change that." Now it's "you were supposed to be born a guy but no one will ever see you as one no matter what you do, so you're going to have to accept that."
I won't give up, I won't take my life no matter how hard it gets. But it's a depressing reality.
I went to a therapy appointment dressed. I dressed at home and drove directly to the hospital. Driving from my house to the highway (all of 2km) felt like a running the gauntlet. I had a panic attack worrying that another driver would recognize me and notice. In my panic, I rolled a stop sign and was promptly pulled over. :(
That didn't do anything to reduce my anxiety.
The officer asked what was going on and I explained things to him quite bluntly. He ran my license and then let me off with a warning. He assured me he'd respect my confidentiality, but I was freaked out most of the two hours to the hospital. :-\
Quote from: Gwynne on January 17, 2014, 07:30:49 PM
I went to a therapy appointment dressed. I dressed at home and drove directly to the hospital. Driving from my house to the highway (all of 2km) felt like a running the gauntlet. I had a panic attack worrying that another driver would recognize me and notice. In my panic, I rolled a stop sign and was promptly pulled over. :(
That didn't do anything to reduce my anxiety.
The officer asked what was going on and I explained things to him quite bluntly. He ran my license and then let me off with a warning. He assured me he'd respect my confidentiality, but I was freaked out most of the two hours to the hospital. :-\
Eeessh, I can only imagine.
Sorry to hear that. I've started dressing when I drive from my place over to my friends house and usually cover up with a jacket on my way inside the house.
My biggest fear being that I would get pulled over in full dress.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 17, 2014, 07:35:46 PM
Eeessh, I can only imagine.
Sorry to hear that. I've started dressing when I drive from my place over to my friends house and usually cover up with a jacket on my way inside the house.
My biggest fear being that I would get pulled over in full dress.
I was wearing a gender-neutral leather coat. There was no hiding it, tho. I was wearing nail polish and a skirt. :-\
Quote from: Gwynne on January 17, 2014, 07:59:41 PM
I was wearing a gender-neutral leather coat. There was no hiding it, tho. I was wearing nail polish and a skirt. :-\
Not to make light of the situation, but it sounds like a story you're going to laugh about later.
I agree.
It's been a long time fear of mine, tho. I appreciate what the police do, but have to admit that I assume that, as a collectivity, they swing to the intolerant end of the social justice continuum.
I react badly to my pain killers. Or rather, my body does. So it's almost 5 at night and I'm having back to back dates with the porcelain. So exhausted and sick of this. I really hope the scars will finish healing soon.
OK, so there is something with dysphoria and showers. After taking one, I now no longer want to do anything.
Quote from: Willow on January 18, 2014, 08:39:21 AM
OK, so there is something with dysphoria and showers. After taking one, I now no longer want to do anything.
Is there something you could do after a shower to kind of negate the dysphoria? Like, something that makes you feel pretty?
Quote from: caleb. on January 18, 2014, 09:05:21 AMIs there something you could do after a shower to kind of negate the dysphoria? Like, something that makes you feel pretty?
Kinda hard to do in the guy's showers.
I'm not sure if it'd help anyways; I get out and I just sit down for 15 minutes after drying half myself off and just feel bad.
Ah right, I forgot how little privacy you're afforded in your dorms.
Has your dad ever said why he won't let you live in your own? I mean...I can't see why anyone would want to live like that, nevermind the trans bit.
Quote from: caleb. on January 18, 2014, 11:33:52 AM
Ah right, I forgot how little privacy you're afforded in your dorms.
Has your dad ever said why he won't let you live in your own? I mean...I can't see why anyone would want to live like that, nevermind the trans bit.
He says convenience beats out saving money. Doesn't even factor comfort into the equation.
Can't live off campus anyways as a first year student.
Quote from: Edge on January 17, 2014, 08:38:42 AM
My last ex threatened to kill me, used my triggers to hurt and threaten me, had episodes whenever he drank where he would get very scary, had me walking on eggshells to avoid his anger, and lied, manipulated, and threatened me into staying with him.
You're a monster?
I don't want to be capable of love. I thought I wasn't anymore and it was great. (My son doesn't count since it's a different dynamic.) And then I slipped and care about someone who can never feel the same for me. I have no idea why the ability to care about people came back, but I don't like it. No one can ever love me.
I wouldnt say no one...
Name one. I know all the people in my life and I can't name anyone. (Again, my son doesn't count because it's a different dynamic. I don't count either in this case because I'm me.)
Nasty soup
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 01:30:33 PM
Name one. I know all the people in my life and I can't name anyone. (Again, my son doesn't count because it's a different dynamic. I don't count either in this case because I'm me.)
Just... People.
That makes no sense.
I should have started preparing dinner 45 minutes ago, but as with every other day, whenever I realise it I am filling online CVS... I rarely ever stop to relax a bit.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 01:47:15 PM
That makes no sense.
Makes a lot of sense if you knew what i was thinking.
I can't read minds, but I've met a lot of people who got aggressively angry with me because they thought I should be able to.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 02:28:42 PM
I can't read minds, but I've met a lot of people who got aggressively angry with me because they thought I should be able to.
I think you're very capable of love.
I reject your reality and substitute my own.
I'm quite obviously still capable of love since I happen to be falling for someone who could never care about me back and this makes me weak and pathetic. Weakness is disgusting and I thought I was over this stupid habit.
I am incapable of being loved.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 02:49:10 PM
I'm quite obviously still capable of love since I happen to be falling for someone who could never care about me back and this makes me weak and pathetic. Weakness is disgusting and I thought I was over this stupid habit.
I am incapable of being loved.
Lies!
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 02:49:10 PM
I'm quite obviously still capable of love since I happen to be falling for someone who could never care about me back and this makes me weak and pathetic. Weakness is disgusting and I thought I was over this stupid habit.
I am incapable of being loved.
Again, everything you do is a decision. You can be loved, if you choose to be. Meanwhile you will do or say things that keep people away without even thinking about it. When you decide you are worth being loved, your views will change and people will see you differently.
1) I have NO control over what other people do.
2) You have NO idea what I do or say. How dare you make assumptions about me or my life.
3) It doesn't matter what I do or say. I know this because, contrary to what people keep assuming, I am not a complete idiot.
4) I NEVER said I wasn't worth being loved. How dare you put words in my mouth.
5) Just because I'm worth it, doesn't mean I've loved.
Not that anyone bothers listening to a word I say. They're too busy trying to tell me who I am, what I do, what I think, and what my life is like even though they have no idea and it is incredibly insulting. But I can't do anything to stop them because defending myself just makes things worse for me.
Okay.
Everyone take a step back.
I dont want to choose sides because i see both of you as my friends. I see you both as right.
Edge is right in all his points. We should probably back up a bit and let him be himself and that we cant control other peoples actions or feelings.
But lordkat is right that there are people who love you but sometimes edge does not see it.
Everyone pushes away sometimes and its a shame this happens but this is life and we should chill before its too late.
This Pepsi didn't give me a pain-inducing burn in the back of my throat like I thought it would.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 03:51:30 PM
1) I have NO control over what other people do.
Never said you did
2) You have NO idea what I do or say. How dare you make assumptions about me or my life.
I do have an idea, not exact words but an idea. This is from it happening before. I dare because I wish to improve your mood.
3) It doesn't matter what I do or say. I know this because, contrary to what people keep assuming, I am not a complete idiot.
Again, never said anything about being an idiot or even hinting at that. How dare you assume I did.
4) I NEVER said I wasn't worth being loved. How dare you put words in my mouth.
You did say you weren't capable of being loved. I quoted it.
5) Just because I'm worth it, doesn't mean I've loved.
Not that anyone bothers listening to a word I say. They're too busy trying to tell me who I am, what I do, what I think, and what my life is like even though they have no idea and it is incredibly insulting. But I can't do anything to stop them because defending myself just makes things worse for me.
No is trying to tell you who you are or what you think or even what your life is like. When you say what these things are, I would hope they were truth and take it as such. I only gave advice. All advice is just that, not a law that says you have to follow it, just a possible solution. There was no insult.
Quote from: Emo on January 18, 2014, 04:05:14 PM
But lordkat is right that there are people who love you but sometimes edge does not see it.
You can't name any either.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:09:06 PM
You can't name any either.
Jesus edge! I love you.
>_<
You just met me over the internet a few days ago.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:12:17 PM
You just met me over the internet a few days ago.
So?
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:09:06 PM
You can't name any either.
Im not gonna be like the others...If you really think that nobody loves you then it becomes true , this way of thinking is too dark though ,, meh its ok some people like darkness.
Anyway I do love you a little bit , like in a way , the kind of love two strangers on a forum can have ?? I dunno...
You re propably gonna say something like "you dont know me so its not love"
or after that you are gonna say "you cant know what im gonna say"
or it may not be enough,,,
ha , emo kawai sou...
it doesnt matter how long you know someone or how much...
you can love someone just by looking at him/her... anyways...
I honestly ,,,dunno...
On new things I hate:
How every job seeking portal forces you to enter again all of your freaking data, over and over again. I may spend two or three days between finding the data, adapting it and translating (finding the education level equivalents is the worst).
The last one is Eures (EU's official job portal), but gladly this one uses the Europass data. Glad I still have it updated from the GNSS Application in December.
Oh, I also hate that 2/3 times I've been out of my country, it has been for personel selection processes...
Holy Poo-Poo, I'm never posting it at this rate. Every time I get to post the replies have skyrocketed again.
Quote from: Edge on January 18, 2014, 04:09:06 PM
You can't name any either.
Well let's see, so far we have Emo, the Princess, LordKat and there's always Auntie Shan so wtf is that a pile of chopped liver?
I adore Edge too! *pinches his cheeks*
My tummy's been acting up for a few days due to the medication. Fell asleep at like 7 in the morning. Bahh.
...and don't forget me!
I thought Edge was awesome from the first time I exchanged posts with him.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PM
I do have an idea, not exact words but an idea. This is from it happening before. I dare because I wish to improve your mood.
You only know me from the internet. How would you know how I act in RL or how I have acted throughout my life? (Don't answer that.)
Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PMI never asked anyone to try to improve my mood and would prefer it if they didn't.
Again, never said anything about being an idiot or even hinting at that. How dare you assume I did.
If I were really how you described me, I would despise and kill myself for being that stupid. Luckily, I am not.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 18, 2014, 04:08:37 PMYou did say you weren't capable of being loved. I quoted it.
Capable is not a synonym for worthy. Worthy is about deserving which has no meaning in the real world. Capable is about reality.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 18, 2014, 04:19:37 PMIf you really think that nobody loves you then it becomes true
It has always been true regardless of what I've thought or think.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 18, 2014, 04:19:37 PM"you dont know me so its not love"
Right you are.
once again, i'm experiencing stomach cramps. I often have them for a couple of days every month or two months, it depends. they started in summer. luckily i have actually developed my own technique for getting rid of them faster.
Ginger ale!
i'm feeling weird both mentally and physically.
A town here is on fire. "Only" a bit more than 2000 inhabitants but it's one of those really old towns with old wooden houses so practically the whole town has caught fire and they have absolutely no control over it. I feel so bad for the families, the animals, the great loss of history in old buildings.. so far a few hundreds have been evacuated. :(
Edge,
How do you think I described you?
I need to move to Europe; somewhere where I'm actually awake during the day. I'm falling asleep in the afternoon and waking in the middle of the night. Move thise times back 6 hours...
Sleeping from 11 until 9 is much more reasonable. Spain, France, Germany, Belgium, Italy, here I come!
In all seruousness this sucks, because I'll either fall asleep in the afternoon again, or force myself to stay awake and fall asleep at 6 tomorrow morning. At that point, Australia and New Zealand are more acquained with my sleep.
Here I am, half crying in the morning. I spent the night dreaming I was a fully normal girl, my family accepted me as if had never ever en a guy, and even looked and moved naturally (Then it would change into being a tatooed freak with a gaping hole with teeth in my tummy, but that is a different story.
I was supposed to have lunch which my parents (real reason: Find a KVM I forgot at their home) which had been repeating constantly the how I had to present exactly in front of them.... And here I am, in the morning, all of my sports bras dirty in the sink where I am washing the white ones (so I don't have anything to hide my breasts, while I called them to say that I was not feeling ok and would not be coming, while crying.
The truth: I don' want to present as a dude and less with today's dreams. I'be been depressed all the morning at the perspective of having exchanged quick transition for the safety of a home (goodbye budget), and that my original idea is on hiatus until I can work again. And then spending an afternoon as if nothing had ever happened perpetuating a lie in front of others. One thing is to go out in androgynous presentation but in fully female clothing and being OK with myself even if that gets me misgendered, but I can't live with my appearance being tailored but others to be accepted by society. My fathers, possible employeers...
¿Why do we have to go through this Conga of humiliation? Two years to change my name, 4 years waiting list for healthcare SRS (which will disappear in less than one years as things are)... Even if the doctors want to help us, the legal system hates us and will never accept us. The 2007 law change to include our name change is just a leash on us that makes us go through hell.
Well, here goes my morning rant I'm going to the shower, spent an hour with my hair after that and dedicate today to counterfeiting proof for the name change, and see if I can pull it (Not going to happen).
Quote from: Emo on January 18, 2014, 06:28:59 PM
Ginger ale!
What's wrong with ginger ale? It's my favourite soft drink though my sister hates it
I lost a friend of 32 years today because of my Full Time status and transition plan. I suppose if she was a good friend though, that would not have happened. I hope it was only shock and that she will come around, if not oh well. I am free and loving life now instead of just existing. :)
Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 07:10:38 AM
Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.
no one is worthless. that's nonsense.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 07:10:38 AM
Full on anxiety attack. Drugged. I don't know what will be of my future. I am worthless.
First ( :icon_hug:). Second, I have followed your progress to this point and value what you have to say, so no more of this worthless stuff. As for the future, none of us are guaranteed one so just live for today, OK? Since going Full Time I now value every second and don't even want to sleep. I have 40 years to make up for. You can do it baby! I have full faith in you. :) If you need a friend just PM me. All of mine are considered confidential and I tell no one what others say in them. I have the greatest respect for you and want to see you succeed in your dreams and hopes. :)
Quote from: AppleJack on January 19, 2014, 03:20:44 AM
Here I am, half crying in the morning. I spent the night dreaming I was a fully normal girl, my family accepted me as if had never ever en a guy, and even looked and moved naturally (Then it would change into being a tatooed freak with a gaping hole with teeth in my tummy, but that is a different story.
I had lunch which my parents (real reason: Find a KVM I forgot at their home) which had been repeating constantly the how I had to present exactly in front of them.... And here I am, in the morning, all of my sports bras dirty in the sink where I am washing the white ones (so I don't have anything to hide my breasts, while I called them to say that I was not feeling ok and would not be coming, while crying.
The truth: I don' want to present as a dude and less with today's dreams. I'be been depressed all the morning at the perspective of having exchanged quick transition for the safety of a home (goodbye budget), and that my original idea is on hiatus until I can work again. And then spending an afternoon as if nothing had ever happened perpetuating a lie in front of others. One thing is to go out in androgynous presentation but in fully female clothing and being OK with myself even if that gets me misgendered, but I can't live with my appearance being tailored but others to be accepted by society. My fathers, possible employeers...
¿Why do we have to go through this Conga of humiliation? Two years to change my name, 4 years waiting list for healthcare SRS (which will disappear in less than one years as things are)... Even if the doctors want to help us, the legal system hates us and will never accept us. The 2007 law change to include our name change is just a leash on us that makes us go through hell.
Well, here goes my morning rant I'm going to the shower, spent an hour with my hair after that and dedicate today to counterfeiting proof for the name change, and see if I can pull it (Not going to happen).
I felt this way too this morning. I havent had a dream in a long while but my gender dysphoria was pure. I truly wished i was cis. No evil thoughts of mutilation or suicide. Just pure dysphoria, which made me want hrt even more.
Are my legs supposed to feel nasty in pants when I shave them? Because they do.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 08:08:27 AM
Are my legs supposed to feel nasty in pants when I shave them? Because they do.
eh? what do you mean?
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 08:16:41 AMeh? what do you mean?
They feel weird and nasty putting my legs into pants after I shave them.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 08:18:32 AM
They feel weird and nasty putting my legs into pants after I shave them.
I dunno I dont understand , when I do it just feels more soft or something...
maybe you mean tight pants?
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 08:20:59 AMI dunno I dont understand , when I do it just feels more soft or something...
maybe you mean tight pants?
No, these are guy sweatpants. Not tight at all.
Could be due to my legs still being rough because no HRT yet.
I shaved my legs once and they did feel strange when I put pants on
But then I learned how to wax my legs and after a few times the hair never grew back so I'm not really sure what to say about it
Sorry
Just realized i forgot all my toiletries at my parents house and the bank is closed today. Only $5 left.
Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..................
Quote from: V M on January 19, 2014, 08:24:38 AMI shaved my legs once and they did feel strange when I put pants on
But then I learned how to wax my legs and after a few times the hair never grew back so I'm not really sure what to say about it
Sorry
Mine grow back after 2 days or so :(
So did the hair stop growing back after you were on HRT?
Quote from: Emo on January 19, 2014, 08:26:18 AMJust realized i forgot all my toiletries at my parents house and the bank is closed today. Only $5 left.
Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..................
ATMs don't tend to be closed as well.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 08:22:49 AM
No, these are guy sweatpants. Not tight at all.
Could be due to my legs still being rough because no HRT yet.
Quote from: V M on January 19, 2014, 08:24:38 AM
I shaved my legs once and they did feel strange when I put pants on
But then I learned how to wax my legs and after a few times the hair never grew back so I'm not really sure what to say about it
Sorry
I dont know girls...for me it doesnt feel wierd at all ....anyways it doesnt even matter XD
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 08:28:02 AM
Mine grow back after 2 days or so :(
So did the hair stop growing back after you were on HRT?ATMs don't tend to be closed as well.
for me ,im month month in ,,,still growing after 2 days...maybe even less...but the skin is kinda softer and im pretty sure that (i shaved them a couple of days ago) less hair came out , not that less , but less...
anyway hair changes ive heard take like 6-9 months,,,so yeah...
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 08:28:02 AM
ATMs don't tend to be closed as well.
They are if you dont have a credit card.
nausea.
family struggles
Quote from: Gwynne on January 19, 2014, 11:11:26 AM
family struggles
Im sorry. *hugs*
You can pm me if you want.
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on January 19, 2014, 07:13:19 AM
no one is worthless. that's nonsense.
In working terms, I seem like that.
I'm crapping myself thinking on how much is going to cost me furnishing the new place. If it was about me I'd sleep in a sleeping sack, sit on the floor buda style and whatever, but if I want a flat mate, I need to furnish things. What I have:
- A 40" 3d TV I only use on weekends
- A cheap IKEA Desk
- An AV shelf
- My office chair
- A 500w home cinema
What I need:
-Couch
- wardrobe if the place does not have a wall one
- A 90cm bed (big beds make me most and are harder to warm
- Full set of cutlery and cooking utensils
- Cloth storage
Even by crappy IKEA standards, it's going to be expensive, and I intend to keep the budget below 500€... And BTW, I'm selling my full suspension MTB. And what else I can find between my belongings that may be worth it.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 19, 2014, 06:48:50 AM
I lost a friend of 32 years today because of my Full Time status and transition plan. I suppose if she was a good friend though, that would not have happened. I hope it was only shock and that she will come around, if not oh well. I am free and loving life now instead of just existing. :)
There's always going to be an attrition rate, but it also gives us a window into their real self and we discover who is true blue and who is just on for the ride in terms of real friends.
Hating my voice.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 06:16:32 PM
Welcome to da club :-\
If i show no progress in the next year im getting surgery. Then watching anime constantly so i dont talk.
Quote from: Emo on January 19, 2014, 06:19:01 PM
If i show no progress in the next year im getting surgery. Then watching anime constantly so i dont talk.
you mean surgery to make your voice feminine right?
or is it something else?
Anyway I so want to do surgery , at yesons or something,,,voice is the most important thing for me and mine makes me feel terrible.
I desperately want to have a legit female voice...a voice I fake to pass , makes me feel uneasy and awkward and I have to worry about changing by pitch by mistake all the time,,,its terrible for me..
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 06:27:15 PM
you mean surgery to make your voice feminine right?
or is it something else?
Anyway I so want to do surgery , at yesons or something,,,voice is the most important thing for me and mine makes me feel terrible.
I desperately want to have a legit female voice...a voice I fake to pass , makes me feel uneasy and awkward and I have to worry about changing by pitch by mistake all the time,,,its terrible for me..
Well then vlice is all you need to pass.
Mine is OK, it just doesn't last; I need to "recharge" it. Halfway into a 1.5 hour therapy session and I'm back to talking like a guy no matter how hard I try to speak like a woman.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 06:29:42 PM
Well then vlice is all you need to pass.
Mine is OK, it just doesn't last; I need to "recharge" it. Halfway into a 1.5 hour therapy session and I'm back to talking like a guy no matter how hard I try to speak like a woman.
yeah I have that too , thats why I said I have to be careful to not change pitch...
mine isnt THAT bad,,,but hell , its not a female voice no matter how you look it...on summer I ll try really hard to convince my mom to let me have the surgery...
Voice is something I've given literally no thought to. :-\
Yeson et al scare the heck out of me.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 19, 2014, 06:32:11 PM
Voice is something I've given literally no thought to. :-\
Yeson et al scare the heck out of me.
Scared or not I think I need it,,,
I get more jealous when I hear a girl on the phone than when I see one. its just me on this one,,,but i really want a female voice.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 06:31:24 PM
yeah I have that too , thats why I said I have to be careful to not change pitch...
mine isnt THAT bad,,,but hell , its not a female voice no matter how you look it...on summer I ll try really hard to convince my mom to let me have the surgery...
Think of it as pretty much replacing FFS financially. You only need minor procedures, like tracheal shave and brow shave maybe. I don't remember too much the specifics of what you look like but overall you're a pass with excellence
I'm curious about what FFS might do for me, but not sure it would be worth the huge investment.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 19, 2014, 06:37:50 PMI'm curious about what FFS might do for me, but not sure it would be worth the huge investment.
I don't know about your brow/forehead or trachea, can't see them well, but other than that I don't really think you need it.
Im not getting ffs unless absolutely necessary.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 06:34:31 PM
Think of it as pretty much replacing FFS financially. You only need minor procedures, like tracheal shave and brow shave maybe. I don't remember too much the specifics of what you look like but overall you're a pass with excellence
hhm thats true I guess....I dont have 20000 for a full ffs anyways...
anyway I dont know what I should do ,as I said voice is really imprtant for me and I ll try to go for that,,,then raise some money and see what I ll need after hormones...i ll do it if its necessary just like emo XD but im pretty sure id need that brow shave
eeer does tracheal shave change your voice?
or just reduces the size of adams aple?
mine isnt really that prominent you can barely see it
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 06:39:48 PM
I don't know about your brow/forehead or trachea, can't see them well, but other than that I don't really think you need it.
Thanks.
I have no tracheal prominence. My nose and brow were my primary question marks.
Unless I had confidence that it would be very very beneficial, I wouldn't consider it. Mostly, I'm thinking to a possible future where FFS is covered through public health.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 19, 2014, 06:44:15 PM
hhm thats true I guess....I dont have 20000 for a full ffs anyways...
anyway I dont know what I should do ,as I said voice is really imprtant for me and I ll try to go for that,,,then raise some money and see what I ll need after hormones...i ll do it if its necessary just like emo XD but im pretty sure id need that brow shave
eeer does tracheal shave change your voice?
or just reduces the size of adams aple?
mine isnt really that prominent you can barely see it
20K US is cheap. 20K Euro is still pretty cheap.
Trachea shave does nothing to voice. You'd have to go to Yeson or whatnot.
So then just brows maybe, if you need them?
Quote from: Gwynne on January 19, 2014, 06:45:26 PMThanks.
I have no tracheal prominence. My nose and brow were my primary question marks.
Unless I had confidence that it would be very very beneficial, I wouldn't consider it. Mostly, I'm thinking to a possible future where FFS is covered through public health.
So then maybe just some on your brows then.
In Germany is is, IIRC.
Quote from: Willow on January 19, 2014, 06:54:19 PM
20K US is cheap. 20K Euro is still pretty cheap.
Trachea shave does nothing to voice. You'd have to go to Yeson or whatnot.
So then just brows maybe, if you need them?So then maybe just some on your brows then.
In Germany is is, IIRC.
Cant that get me srs?
Woke up, sat up, quickly grabbed my bedside trash basket and threw up :P Blew my nose, rinsed my mouth and went back to bed
Quote from: V M on January 19, 2014, 07:54:41 PM
Woke up, sat up, quickly grabbed my bedside trash basket and threw up :P Blew my nose, rinsed my mouth and went back to bed
...and stay there til you're well! :P
Quote from: Gwynne on January 19, 2014, 08:00:50 PM
...and stay there til you're well! :P
I'm concerned about that lady! Get well Virginia..Hugs
Quote from: Emo on January 19, 2014, 07:06:56 PMCant that get me srs?
In Thailand, yes. I the US, probably not.
Quote from: Willow on January 20, 2014, 12:05:40 AM
In Thailand, yes. I the US, probably not.
It was 6000 in thighland. 20000 here.
I realized how much I suck at applying fingernail polish... I know it comes with experience/time... but it aggravated me.
I tried 3 times.. the 3rd I waited 20 minutes and figured I was good.... it took me about 2 minutes to rip off nearly all the polish from my thumb.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 20, 2014, 01:06:02 AM
I realized how much I suck at applying fingernail polish... I know it comes with experience/time... but it aggravated me.
I tried 3 times.. the 3rd I waited 20 minutes and figured I was good.... it took me about 2 minutes to rip off nearly all the polish from my thumb.
Try a salon, I get mine done every six weeks, $40 for gel nails. I'm a hot pink as from today :-*
Oh but they are permanent
All that make up stuff looks so straightforward...until you actually have to do it! :P
Let's face it, most cis girls have been experimenting with it since they were six or younger...how can we compete with that??
Quote from: Ms Grace on January 20, 2014, 01:40:18 AM
All that make up stuff looks so straightforward...until you actually have to do it! :P
Let's face it, most cis girls have been experimenting with it since they were six or younger...how can we compete with that??
So true! Quote from my hairdresser when I was having a whinge about styling 'Girls go to their bedroom at 13 and come out at 18 knowing how to to this, I'm trying to teach you catch up' So true!
Found myself struggling this morning as I just couldn't face presenting as him.
I was nearly in tears but forced myself to do what I had to do and go to work. :-\
J
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 20, 2014, 02:05:14 AM
Found myself struggling this morning as I just couldn't face presenting as him.
I was nearly in tears but forced myself to do what I had to do and go to work. :-\
J
Hugs little sister :-*
I think I am depressed again ... siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh :'(
how do I know?
well I got happy cause I get to leave the house at night today and thus I ll avoid the sunlight :/
Ive heard that estrogens can cause depression,,,I wonder if I cant help it...
I also read on facebook that the second monday of january is considered to be the most depressing day of the year...
anyway I know I have to do something about it but I feel really weak...
Id rather stay in bed all day than do anything... sh*t now ive done it...
Woke up nice and early for class. Just to remember that it's a national holiday, there is no class
I'm sick... And I've got so much work to do...
it finally happened.i snapped emotionally. i am spent. it's a good thing the people i know are understanding, they know that i'm struggling (hopefully not losing, although it sometimes feels like it) with heavy depression. i thought i'd feel depressed for the rest of the day after my nervous breakdown, i'm feeling better now so there's at least one good thing.
When I was going outside to dump some food scraps out to some critters, an older an was walking by. My back was turned, but I heard someone say "hey babe!" in a scratchy voice. I ignored the voice until I was done getting the scraps out of the container and when I turned around, he was looking at me and he waved. I think he was trying to get my attention.....ew! On top of that, I got my braids taken out yesterday and haven't done anything to my hair so looks like a mess all over the place (lie I got electrocuted), and yet he still talks to me. Yuck!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-KDSxqJ_0o
without most of the alcohol, I feel like this today.
Cute Video, Been there LordKat! :icon_drunk:
Talking about my transition with my mother this morning.
It's like she's trying to scare me out of transitioning which.... while I still fully intend to start HRT I'd be lying if I said her words didn't make it harder.
She starts out by telling me I've been selfish my whole life, then goes into how I must've tricked myself into thinking I want this because I spend most of my time online "researching sh**" as she calls it.
She then brings up how I'm going to lose all these opportunities and that I'll still be unhappy after transition, etc, etc..
Then comes the life comparison and how her life was so hard.... trying to somehow eclipse what I'm going through.
There was more than that... but I don't feel like rehashing it all, just a really crappy conversation.
Thinking about my ex girlfriend. :(
Quote from: Malachite on January 20, 2014, 10:28:05 AM
When I was going outside to dump some food scraps out to some critters, an older an was walking by. My back was turned, but I heard someone say "hey babe!" in a scratchy voice. I ignored the voice until I was done getting the scraps out of the container and when I turned around, he was looking at me and he waved. I think he was trying to get my attention.....ew! On top of that, I got my braids taken out yesterday and haven't done anything to my hair so looks like a mess all over the place (lie I got electrocuted), and yet he still talks to me. Yuck!
Grosssss. Lol. Poor Malachite.
Quote from: caleb. on January 20, 2014, 01:25:37 PM
Grosssss. Lol. Poor Malachite.
I went outside and was greeted by two random guys who were chopping up a broken tree that fell on our fence. They wanted to have a small conversation with me. Why do I pick the worse times to go outside? -_-
Or is the best time? ;) lol jk
Haha the best time for me to blow a gasket maybe....
Headaches.
Dad called again, I don't know what to say to him.
Quote from: Willow on January 20, 2014, 05:22:01 PM
Dad called again, I don't know what to say to him.
Say hi dad! That's a good start!
I shaved my facial hair but left some sideburns. They're so thin (like, hairs aren't thick enough, they're wide though) :( And one side is thinner than the other. I'm going to let it grow though and see what happens.
Running out of everything when I have no money.
Shampoo, soap, conditioner, shaving cream (already out,) makeup powder and bronzer. The only thing I have to spare is instant coffee, which I rarely use.
And I just remembered I need to buy art supplies.
I need to get a job. That means talking with dad. But I'm nervous to talk with him to ask about a job or maybe a cash injection.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 06:33:27 AM
Running out of everything when I have no money.
Shampoo, soap, conditioner, shaving cream (already out,) makeup powder and bronzer. The only thing I have to spare is instant coffee, which I rarely use.
And I just remembered I need to buy art supplies.
I need to get a job. That means talking with dad. But I'm nervous to talk with him to ask about a job or maybe a cash injection.
Anyway what are dad's for? I get the impression that he's pretty supportive, go for it Willow!
Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 09:07:12 AMAnyway what are dad's for? I get the impression that he's pretty supportive, go for it Willow!
His two rules were to not do anything illegal and to nor ask him for money. I think if I explain some he may turn around.
In the meantime, I need to find a way to live off of $17.
I'm back from my parent's home. I only entered the storage room independent from the home to get my old bike, but not really a happy experience. A lot of nostalgia mixed with the sensation that I stayed in a kid's mental state for maybe too long, everything splashed by the violent confrontation that took place the day I came out.
Now it is a sensation of wanting to go back to my old and easy sheltered life with my parents, and at the same time knowing I can't go back there anymore and things will never be the same as before.
I spent 30 years and 5 months at that home, far longer than I should have. First it was the inability to find a job, and then 6 years of crisis that made impossible buying or renting a home...
From 2004 to 2013 it is as if I was stuck on childhood. No responsibilities save for keeping studying until 2007 and from them to 2013 working, saving money and filling my childhood room with expensive crap.
Nowadays, I am still a mess. I can't cook, still need help from my father to do certain home fixes, and after a year alone I still haven't gotten used to living alone. I could even take a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- as a partner right now if he is kind.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 21, 2014, 11:03:15 AM
I'm back from my parent's home. I only entered the storage room independent from the home to get my old bike, but not really a happy experience. A lot of nostalgia mixed with the sensation that I stayed in a kid's mental state for maybe too long, everything splashed by the violent confrontation that took place the day I came out.
Now it is a sensation of wanting to go back to my old and easy sheltered life with my parents, and at the same time knowing I can't go back there anymore and things will never be the same as before.
I spent 30 years and 5 months at that home, far longer than I should have. First it was the inability to find a job, and then 6 years of crisis that made impossible buying or renting a home...
From 2004 to 2013 it is as if I was stuck on childhood. No responsibilities save for keeping studying until 2007 and from them to 2013 working, saving money and filling my childhood room with expensive crap.
Nowadays, I am still a mess. I can't cook, still need help from my father to do certain home fixes, and after a year alone I still haven't gotten used to living alone. I could even take a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- as a partner right now if he is kind.
Cheer up hon, there are a lot of young people your age that are still stuck living with mom and pop on account of the sluggish world economy. Sounds as if you are finally growing up and coming into adulthood just fine albeit kicking and screaming.
I tried to call the pride clinic in Cleveland to make an appointment with an endo......
No luck at all... I called 9 times, and the 3 times I did get a person on the line they either gave me another number.... or they transferred me.
Every number and transfer went back to the main phone line and nobody could do anything for me at all.....
EDIT...
This helps.. a friend of mine gave me some more information.
216-651-3499
Press: 1 - 2 - 3, tell the attendant you are a new patient and want to schedule an appointment with Dr. Ng at the pride clinic.
Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 11:28:11 AM
Cheer up hon, there are a lot of young people your age that are still stuck living with mom and pop on account of the sluggish world economy. Sounds as if you are finally growing up and coming into adulthood just fine albeit kicking and screaming.
That's what pisses me off: I am a waste of human being that still is not self-sufficient. I would lament never learning from my mother to cook, but she was impossible, everything had to be done in her own way. From 2007 to 2013 I lived as a freaking king just wasting money. Sure, I saved like 70% every month, but since I had a free home and food, I indulged me in every possible pleasure inside my four walls. Until I needed privacy to transition and things got real bad.
During years my parents never asked for anything. I offered to pay a monthly fee for them, but they did not want it. Their only condition to let me live with them was not to spoil money and save it. So after five years I had an account filled with money, and... Well, remember this stuff with getting a home for me? This is something we had been talking for YEARS. They literally told me that it was better to stay with them and keep saving money instead of throwing it in renting a place. Now after one year, they just want to enjoy their life alone. I can't say anything against that, the problem is that I stayed there for too long attached to them, and now... If I had a partner in my life I could probably move away mentally. I did it physically, but inside my head everything is a mess still.
Well, I better prepare for going to the mixed LGBT group today. Since I had to dress half male to go there, I am too tired now to put make up again, so I guess I would go as I am. I don't want to leave the place and I could go to bed right now, but... I need to see people.
BTW:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052073/
And story repeats itself...
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 21, 2014, 11:36:55 AM
I tried to call the pride clinic in Cleveland to make an appointment with an endo......
No luck at all... I called 9 times, and the 3 times I did get a person on the line they either gave me another number.... or they transferred me.
Every number and transfer went back to the main phone line and nobody could do anything for me at all.....
EDIT...
This helps.. a friend of mine gave me some more information.
216-651-3499
Press: 1 - 2 - 3, tell the attendant you are a new patient and want to schedule an appointment with Dr. Ng at the pride clinic.
good for you! :)
After thinking, asking dad for cash is a better idea than getting a job, as I'll likely have to present as male for it.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 02:12:27 PM
After thinking, asking dad for cash is a better idea than getting a job, as I'll likely have to present as male for it.
Good plan, even if it turns out to be a bad decision it's better than none at all!
Quote from: Shantel on January 21, 2014, 02:49:39 PMGood plan, even if it turns out to be a bad decision it's better than none at all!
I don't really want to talk with him.
He just texted me, thinking I was in the hospital for THE surgery and that's why I haven't answered.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 02:54:00 PM
I don't really want to talk with him.
He just texted me, thinking I was in the hospital for THE surgery and that's why I haven't answered.
LOL. I'm sorry, but that's totally idiotic. How the heck did he think you were going to get all that set up?
the macaroni bowl broke
Quote from: Malachite on January 21, 2014, 03:29:51 PM
the macaroni bowl broke
I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. ;D Hang in there brother. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 21, 2014, 03:32:49 PM
I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. ;D Hang in there brother. :)
Glad I am not the only one!
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 21, 2014, 03:32:49 PM
I can totally relate Brother! I must be OCD or something because when I break a dish that is used regularly for one thing, I almost can't fix it ever again. It's just not the same. ;D Hang in there brother. :)
Yesss that is me! My mom somehow had the top stove on with the macaroni bowl on top of it and it got so hot that it sharrtered and the macaroni burned. I was in there and I saw it on, but I thought nothing about it. The thing is, I didn't even care for the macaroni but I don't want it in another bowl though lol
Quote from: caleb. on January 21, 2014, 03:29:39 PMLOL. I'm sorry, but that's totally idiotic. How the heck did he think you were going to get all that set up?
I don't know.
He then went on to say he checked my facebook (which I am NOT affiliatrd with him on) and realized I wasn't, and to tell me when I planned on having it so he could be there.
I don't think he realizes that it won't be for a year to a year and a half, and likely in Thailand, unless he wants to pay the difference between Thai and US costs to have it done here.
Im feeling absolutely terrible...
Today I read on the news about an other incident of violence agains trans women,,,
this time a bunch of guys hit a girl inside the metro...for the love of god...
But you know what guys...5 people hurt that girl but more tried to help her, more protected her and called the police...
In this world evil is minimal,but it takes only one evil person to hurt a million good ones...
thats why I wont give up , I ll fight these evil monsters however I can and I know Im not alone.
Let's see...
1) Father-in-law is running off to marry someone we haven't even met who sounds like a bigtime career gold digger.
2) Blown transmission in car- needs replaced.
3) My wife just got screwed over hardcore at work.
4) My wife is more upset than I've seen her in ages.
I'm more unhappy about #4 than I am 1-3.
Father told me if I actually cared about my family, I would give up this transgender thing.. (or boob thing as he calls it)
What an a**hole
Hating my body, my face, my hair, my body hair, and most of all, myself.
It PAINS me to see how happy people are. I feel like I'm stuck behind. Financially I am. I can't afford beard removal, I can't afford clothes, I can't even afford basic necessities like shaving cream. I truly made the wrong decision in going full time now. I can't revert though. I can't go back. Not just because I feel like there's no going back, but also because I'm already out to the two professors that matter. How would it look if I were to go back to them? No, I just can't do it. I'm too cowardly to move forward, I'm too cowardly to move back. I'm stuck in the middle and don't know what to do.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 11:08:59 PM
Hating my body, my face, my hair, my body hair, and most of all, myself.
Well then im going to love you. *hugs* :)
Quote from: Emo on January 21, 2014, 11:23:29 PMWell then im going to love you. *hugs* :)
Makes you the only one. I don't deserve myself if I can't live myself. I'm a waste of air, space, time, and money.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 11:25:16 PM
Makes you the only one. I don't deserve myself if I can't live myself. I'm a waste of air, space, time, and money.
nonsense, you are a wonderful person.... I know it can be hard to see at times, I've struggled with it myself.
There are people that love you, and support you.. even if you are having issues finding these people around you.
Things can only get better if you push on... push on hun.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 11:25:16 PM
Makes you the only one. I don't deserve myself if I can't live myself. I'm a waste of air, space, time, and money.
You do deserve to have a life and live it happily. Rough journey ahead but it is doable. Meanwhile, more hugs. You can get past this, you have friends here.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 22, 2014, 12:05:58 AMYou do deserve to have a life and live it happily. Rough journey ahead but it is doable. Meanwhile, more hugs. You can get past this, you have friends here.
I feel like I'm at the end of the line. Nothing left for me.
Nothing is quick and painless, my stupid body will find a way to survive whatever I throw at it.
Patience.
Quote from: Emo on January 22, 2014, 12:16:47 AMPatience.
It's all gone, used it all up. 19 years worth.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 12:18:12 AM
It's all gone, used it all up. 19 years worth.
Dont give up.
Quote from: Willow on January 21, 2014, 11:25:16 PM
Makes you the only one. I don't deserve myself if I can't live myself. I'm a waste of air, space, time, and money.
Cut it out! If you were a waste, I would not have replied.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 12:56:01 AM
Cut it out! If you were a waste, I would not have replied.
+1
I understand you are feeling down Willow,
sometimes often I feel rather down also but I'm old, tired and dealing with a variety of severe injuries
There are several people including myself who love and care about you and you are much to young to throw it all away
DON'T GIVE UP
Hugs
V M
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 12:56:01 AMCut it out! If you were a waste, I would not have replied.
People talk with others who are total wastes all the time. I'm not special of that group.
Quote from: V M on January 22, 2014, 01:04:01 AM+1
I understand you are feeling down Willow, sometimes often I feel rather down also but I'm old, tired and dealing with a variety of severe injuries
There are several people including myself who love and care about you and you are much to young to throw it all away
DON'T GIVE UP
Hugs
V M
A little late for that. Only 19 years and I've made some life destroying mistakes. I've lost my mother and sister. I've lost some of my friends. I've lost time, I'm just wasting away, waiting for the day I'm taken away. With my horrid luck that won't be until I've suffered for an eternity.
omg I am a dumbass. -_-
My brother has a friend who sometimes mentions to others that I'm trans (not appreciated, because I even spoke with him about it). So one of these girls who was told came to visit, and I don't think she picked up on me being trans. She just was like "wow...you're way shorter than your brother" and was surprised that I was the older one as well. So, I guess maybe she didn't make the connection that I was the transgender one. But I let the laptop fall asleep with Susan's pulled up, and they borrowed it to order pizza while I was napping. So my carelessness eradicated any doubt she may have had. If I'm going to be stealth in the future, I will have to be more conscientious of this stuff.
Willow.
Life goes on.
It continues.
And you drift along the waves of remorse as you continue to dream of other realities that are not possible.
Focus on the here and now.
Find your niche in this world.
Everyone has one.
Give yourself some credit.
You made it this far.
Are you going to let it go to waste?
Because if you do give up, everything you have been through WILL be a waste.
Having to explain to the doctor that "no I didn't give birth to my daughter" and "yes I am her biological father" and then getting dirty looks from both of the nurses in the room who went out of their way to refer to me as "your daddy" when they were talking to my daughter even though they clearly heard her call me "mommy"
On the bright side though, I'm passing with flying colors! That's the 2nd doctor who has asked me about "the pregnancy" :).
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 01:13:48 AM
People talk with others who are total wastes all the time. I'm not special of that group.
But I'm not just "people." And I see great potential in you.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 04:09:50 AMBut I'm not just "people." And I see great potential in you.
I wish I could just not care about myself and help those in need.
But I'm human and have to focus on myself. Which is hopeless.
Pffft! How many teens have the chutzpah to come out as trans? And start to live as the see themselves, before doing any hrt, hair removal, etc?
You know of Jordan on YouTube (minorqback)? She was on hormones for almost a year, and not transitioned, before she came out.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 04:23:52 AMPffft! How many teens have the chutzpah to come out as trans? And start to live as the see themselves, before doing any hrt, hair removal, etc?
You know of Jordan on YouTube (minorqback)? She was on hormones for almost a year, and not transitioned, before she came out.
I feel like I need to revert to do these things. But I can't. I'm just stuck in the middle.
I don't have the money to do those things anyways.
Reminds me, I need to do laundry, I've worn my small assortment of clothes for too many days in a row.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 04:29:00 AM
I feel like I need to revert to do these things. But I can't. I'm just stuck in the middle.
I don't have the money to do those things anyways.
Reminds me, I need to do laundry, I've worn my small assortment of clothes for too many days in a row.
Nope, you are not "stuck." You just don't have the inertia to move yet.
If you feel like you
need to do something, then take a deep breath and a step back. There is no shame in that whatsoever.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 04:36:50 AMNope, you are not "stuck." You just don't have the inertia to move yet.
If you feel like you need to do something, then take a deep breath and a step back. There is no shame in that whatsoever.
Inertia, meaning finances.
I don't want to, but I feel as if I need to.
And there is shame, what of my small classes where everyone knows my face? I can't just revert in those. And of course, every day I have class I have a small class as well.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 04:39:50 AM
Inertia, meaning finances.
I don't want to, but I feel as if I need to.
And there is shame, what of my small classes where everyone knows my face? I can't just revert in those. And of course, every day I have class I have a small class as well.
College is among the most accepting environments. Go androgynous. Take the pressure of yourself.
You are TG. TG's morph.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 22, 2014, 05:00:10 AMCollege is among the most accepting environments. Go androgynous. Take the pressure of yourself.
You are TG. TG's morph.
But I don't want to. I need to be me. But I don't know if I can.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 05:03:40 AM
But I don't want to. I need to be me. But I don't know if I can.
Then be the best "you," you can be, under the circumstances.
You have tied yourself in a Gordian knot. Cut something away.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 05:03:40 AM
But I don't want to. I need to be me. But I don't know if I can.
Currently Im presenting in classes androgynous...
I think its ok to take one step at a time , I d love it if I was able to present full time , but you know there are issues,,,facial hair, voice etc...
when I ll feelok with myself I plan to just go as a girl and be like " whats the big deal " or somethin, you can do that if you want im pretty sure people wont mind at all.
just feel comfortable
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 22, 2014, 05:12:16 AMCurrently Im presenting in classes androgynous...
I think its ok to take one step at a time , I d love it if I was able to present full time , but you know there are issues,,,facial hair, voice etc...
when I ll feelok with myself I plan to just go as a girl and be like " whats the big deal " or somethin, you can do that if you want im pretty sure people wont mind at all.
just feel comfortable
How do you of all people present androgynously?
I've already taken the step of presenting female all but 2-3 hours in a week, for showers. It's too late to go back.
Quote from: Willow on January 22, 2014, 05:17:56 AM
How do you of all people present androgynously?
I've already taken the step of presenting female all but 2-3 hours in a week, for showers. It's too late to go back.
At the state we are now I believe that we can eeer shift between genders easily...
its fun being androgynous you can tell that people struggle about how to call you and wonder whats going on also you get all these looks ,I wonder what they re thinking , anyway I dont plan to stay androgynous for long , my face might be rather feminine but my body is not ,nor is my voice etc , thats why I believe at this state it would be difficult for me to pull it off succesfully...
But presenting androgynous has tought me something , that people wont mind , sure they might get a little confused but if you are ok then its fine...
I belive its a step I have to take , first I was looking as a normal male dude whatever , now androgynous and soon female...
thats why I dont mind , cause I know that soon...soon...lol
The strike is still going with no end in sight. I hope we don't lose the semester. Clearly neither side give a flying fudge about the students.
Students loans are stressing me out. Why can't they ever do anything efficiently?
My apartment is a huge mess and I can never seem to get on top of it.
My books are in bad shape because they were knocked off the shelf and stepped on.
I apparently can't even say something nice to someone without them thinking I'm hitting on them. I have zero interest in this person and even less now.
I just saw the home my father had identified as "the only decent and good looking").
I had an anxiety attack upon entering. The low ceiling made everything look like prison cells. I would pay to not to live there.
Looks like he also does not believe in my claustrophobia. And he wants me to exchange transition for this?
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 22, 2014, 05:30:15 AM
At the state we are now I believe that we can eeer shift between genders easily...
its fun being androgynous you can tell that people struggle about how to call you and wonder whats going on also you get all these looks ,I wonder what they re thinking
But presenting androgynous has tought me something , that people wont mind , sure they might get a little confused but if you are ok then its fine...
Hey Princess, I get you on this girl! There was a time where you had to present either fully male or female according to the demands of the "gatekeepers", but it's no longer true here where I live. Besides I've always been a rebel who hates living up to other people's expectations in the boxes they have prepared for me.
Reading some of my posts from back in 2008, soon after I joined. Including my blog ones.
*sigh*
I was such a different person back then. Things were... yeah... it's not important. :'(
Quote from: Sephirah on January 22, 2014, 11:26:15 AM
Reading some of my posts from back in 2008, soon after I joined. Including my blog ones.
*sigh*
I was such a different person back then. Things were... yeah... it's not important. :'(
Im curious now...
So this seems to be my only option:
http://www.inmofueros20.com/venta/piso/barakaldo/arteagabeitia/FU2641?index=0
- 65 square meters
- All the windows are outdoors
- Terrace
- Gets sunlight
- 2nd floor, no lift (and impossible to fit one)
- Facade and roof are new (you can see the difference compared to the others)
- two rooms. Originally three but one was removed to increase the size of the living room and add a dinning area to the kitchen
- Heating through electric acumulators, option to install natural gas
- Windows with climalit thermal bridge (half of them)
- Bathroom had a reform
- Kitchen is brand new with new appliances, and easy to clean. Lots of light
- Furnished (I'm throwing out half of them to make more room)
- five minutes away from Metro, ten minutes away from BEC (Bilbao Exhibition centre)
- Optional storage room
- Sadly, located in Barakaldo. Second biggest city here after Bilbao, but it is not the same thing
My mom came home early....
Quote from: AppleJack on January 22, 2014, 12:39:50 PM
So this seems to be my only option:
http://www.inmofueros20.com/venta/piso/barakaldo/arteagabeitia/FU2641?index=0
- 65 square meters
- All the windows are outdoors
- Terrace
- Gets sunlight
- 2nd floor, no lift (and impossible to fit one)
- Facade and roof are new (you can see the difference compared to the others)
- two rooms. Originally three but one was removed to increase the size of the living room and add a dinning area to the kitchen
- Heating through electric acumulators, option to install natural gas
- Windows with climalit thermal bridge (half of them)
- Bathroom had a reform
- Kitchen is brand new with new appliances, and easy to clean. Lots of light
- Furnished (I'm throwing out half of them to make more room)
- five minutes away from Metro, ten minutes away from BEC (Bilbao Exhibition centre)
- Optional storage room
- Sadly, located in Barakaldo. Second biggest city here after Bilbao, but it is not the same thing
Looks nice enough to me!
Quote from: Shantel on January 22, 2014, 01:01:07 PM
Looks nice enough to me!
My parents really seem to love it. Me... I don't know. I'd paint everything in nuclear white, throw away everything and live minimalistically... Something weird happened with the spatial perception about me, because it is the first time I have an claustrophobic outburst since 2012. Tomorrow I'm checking it with two friends, but we need to make our move fast or we lose it on Monday.
Tomorrow I will measure it, but if it is smaller than 240 I won't live happy.
Quote from: Sephirah on January 22, 2014, 11:26:15 AM
Reading some of my posts from back in 2008, soon after I joined. Including my blog ones.
*sigh*
I was such a different person back then. Things were... yeah... it's not important. :'(
*hugs* I feel emotional sometimes when I look towards my past too, Sephirah. Sometimes I feel like I was happier, sometimes I feel like things were worse. But we always look at things differently through hindsight.
Stupid money pit lemon car back in shop yet again.
Quote from: caleb. on January 22, 2014, 01:17:04 AM
omg I am a dumbass. -_-
My brother has a friend who sometimes mentions to others that I'm trans (not appreciated, because I even spoke with him about it). So one of these girls who was told came to visit, and I don't think she picked up on me being trans. She just was like "wow...you're way shorter than your brother" and was surprised that I was the older one as well. So, I guess maybe she didn't make the connection that I was the transgender one. But I let the laptop fall asleep with Susan's pulled up, and they borrowed it to order pizza while I was napping. So my carelessness eradicated any doubt she may have had. If I'm going to be stealth in the future, I will have to be more conscientious of this stuff.
LOL. My brother came home and said she didn't see the transgender stuff, but when they searched for "pizza" a porno site I had been on came up and she was like "omg...what." My brother points to the references to girly parts and goes "do you think I'd watch that?" So as far as I know she just thinks I'm a dirty perv. :P
Quote from: caleb. on January 22, 2014, 04:18:59 PM
LOL. My brother came home and said she didn't see the transgender stuff, but when they searched for "pizza" a porno site I had been on came up and she was like "omg...what." My brother points to the references to girly parts and goes "do you think I'd watch that?" So as far as I know she just thinks I'm a dirty perv. :P
If the shoe.....Oops! LOL :icon_peace:
Quote from: AppleJack on January 22, 2014, 07:38:30 AM
I just saw the home my father had identified as "the only decent and good looking").
I had an anxiety attack upon entering. The low ceiling made everything look like prison cells. I would pay to not to live there.
Looks like he also does not believe in my claustrophobia. And he wants me to exchange transition for this?
I could get claustophobic just looking at the bathroom arrangement. I like the bright pink color of the walls though. It kinda stinks the deal though.
Quote from: izzy on January 22, 2014, 06:23:01 PM
I could get claustophobic just looking at the bathroom arrangement. I like the bright pink color of the walls though. It kinda stinks the deal though.
The bathroom is not like that, it's more of a bad angle photo. The should have taken the photo from a high angle.
In the end I'm doing the search myself. I have a few things to check, and all of them cheaper than this. Like 35.000€ cheaper in some cases.
Update: already in the morning and he is still pressing me to buy it. That after three month ends he won't be there to fill papers or anything for a month and that I extend my rent because again, he is not letting me in his place.
Given the fact i'm the one that is going to live, he could be a bit more respectful. As I told, if I buy this and the low ceiling is not an optic illusion, I'd have to rent in another place because like hell I'm Not living there.
Spent 5 days working on something for a client and delivered a sample today and someone who knows nothing about it said it didn't meet specifications which were not given. How can it not??? Really ticked me off dealing with this spanner.
The person who actually requested it never responded and yes it met what they wanted.
Idiot.
>:( >:( >:( >:(
"Still not apt for SRS"
Goddamned shrinks are not giving me the approval until again get me in full "mind stable" state. That I am overloaded with anxiety, aggressivity, etc. They recommend avoiding buying a home until things clear a bit more, give even more time to my parents and... Get me on drugs again. No Forking Way.
Found out that my grandpa has bladder cancer. Well...he's claimed that he has cancer and only has a few months to live many times before, but this time it may just be the real deal. Because my grandma said "cancer" and she never said it the times before. He is also having an operation in a few weeks.
Quote from: caleb. on January 23, 2014, 01:42:25 PM
Found out that my grandpa has bladder cancer. Well...he's claimed that he has cancer and only has a few months to live many times before, but this time it may just be the real deal. Because my grandma said "cancer" and she never said it the times before. He is also having an operation in a few weeks.
oh cr*p.
i'm so sorry. if you want to talk to someone, you can always talk to me. keep that in mind. i know we don't talk much on here, but i just want to help in every way i can.
My body is really feeling the stress I've dealt with now. Feels like I'm carrying a fully loaded 747 on my back.
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on January 23, 2014, 01:48:05 PM
oh cr*p.
i'm so sorry. if you want to talk to someone, you can always talk to me. keep that in mind. i know we don't talk much on here, but i just want to help in every way i can.
Thank you. :) I will definitely keep that in mind. So far I'm not too worried...I figure that's something that should be saved for after the operation.
It seems as though a few of the transguys that I follow on Youtube are getting on T. I'm happy for them, but sad because when I had subscribed to them, they didn't really have any plans to start T. Now I can't really relate to them..... :(
I have a headache from staying up too late.
One of the spikes in my bed messed up the back of my good pants. It's not really noticable, but I can feel ot so that's going to irritate me.
At this point I have no one to blame but myself since I've been delaying putting up my new bed. I'll be sure to get that new bed in by next week.
My GP is completely incompetent.
Woke up with a very sweaty back.
And chances are I'll have to be in guy mode for about 3 hours to do laundry, meaning I'll have to go for breakfast too.
It's 21 F outside right now. That's cold.
Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 24, 2014, 07:19:03 AM
It's 21 F outside right now. That's cold.
High 40's low 50F here in the Pacific Northwest. I'm just 100 miles south of Canada, thinking of growing a few banana trees! :D
Quote from: Shantel on January 24, 2014, 09:02:46 AM
High 40's low 50F here in the Pacific Northwest. I'm just 100 miles south of Canada, thinking of growing a few banana trees! :D
Yeah, we have some polar vortex thingy happening that is bringing all this cold air down. Even had a little flurry this am just before I left the store after doing the reports. Too cold for me, I want my 50's and 60's back...
Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 24, 2014, 09:22:26 AM
Yeah, we have some polar vortex thingy happening that is bringing all this cold air down. Even had a little flurry this am just before I left the store after doing the reports. Too cold for me, I want my 50's and 60's back...
Thinking the South is always warm is a big misconception, I almost froze to death at Ft. Benning, Georgia many years ago. And they grow peaches there?
Quote from: Shantel on January 24, 2014, 09:27:49 AM
Thinking the South is always warm is a big misconception, I almost froze to death at Ft. Benning, Georgia many years ago. And they grow peaches there?
Oh I know, but usually, the cold is short lived and then it goes back to warmer, at least here on the coast.
Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 24, 2014, 09:34:00 AM
Oh I know, but usually, the cold is short lived and then it goes back to warmer, at least here on the coast.
If it wasn't for warm coastal waters coming up from further south we wouldn't have such mild winters here.
headache
I've been trying to rationalize suicide, but I can't. Frankly I wish I could. But as I map out the plan I only ever get so far.
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 10:17:32 AM
I've been trying to rationalize suicide, but I can't. Frankly I wish I could. But as I map out the plan I only ever get so far.
Same here :/
Quote from: Malachite on January 24, 2014, 10:30:23 AM
Same here :/
Except you can't because you're awesome. :police:
Quote from: Malachite on January 24, 2014, 10:30:23 AM
Same here :/
Stop that you two, you're both young and healthy and have your whole life ahead of you, anyway suicide is a non-answer to the issues of life and such a cowardly dead end.
The way I see it is someone has to be around to take care of Keaira. lol.
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 11:08:41 AM
Except you can't because you're awesome. :police:
Awesome? I'm not the one that lives in Canada. :D
Quote from: Shantel on January 24, 2014, 11:08:56 AM
Stop that you two, you're both young and healthy and have your whole life ahead of you, anyway suicide is a non-answer to the issues of life and such a cowardly dead end.
Gee alright, Auntie. :-\
But I don't have anyone to take care of (and I can barely take care of myself) so where does that leave me? :P
When you become wildly rich I expect you to take care of me, financially. How's that? ;) lmao
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 11:30:09 AM
When you become wildly rich I expect you to take care of me, financially. How's that? ;) lmao
Haha what dream are you living in? I'd be extremely lucky just to be in working class status.
Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 11:38:12 AM
Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.
I'm trying! I'm looking for jobs to apply for now,lol.
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 11:38:12 AM
Well then if you want to be rich and be my sugar daddy you best get cracking.
My senses detect a black mask and a whip behind that comment!
You know me all too well Shan. :P
and yet I barely know what a sugar daddy is, lol
Take 5 Shantel, I've got em now! ;D
CALEB! MALACHITE! ARGH!
What are we going to do with you two. You have all the support in the world here and guess what? My PM box is not full. That's right, no one bothered to ask old Jessica for help. Oh, is that it? Jessica is too old to help her brothers out now? ??? ::) OK, knock off all the negatives and go to your room, uh, room(s) right now. You need to stop eating all the frownies in the house! Come out with smiles or face the cougar! ;D
Atta girl Jessica, I need a breather!
Watch out fellas, Jessica is a man eater of a dominatrix!
Quote from: Shantel on January 24, 2014, 12:54:05 PM
Watch out fellas, Jessica is a man eater of a dominatrix!
If they only knew! ;D
Think if I told them about my latex/leather collection they could think about something good for a change? :o *giggle*
*hands over the whip and chains to Jessica* lol :P
I'll be OK. I've just been thinking about that story with Dr. V. How she was outed and she ended up killing herself. I just imagine me getting far enough in my transition, finally being free to start a new life and chill out, only to have some nosey douchebag dig into my past and tell others. I just feel like...how could I live a life like that? Where people just treat me like some freak that needs to be exposed? It sucks.
I really don't see how people can live totally under the radar or in stealth. Not in todays computerized and government eavesdropping world. People can find out anything about you from traffic tickets to divorces. I feel deep in my soul who I am which comes out as passing with confidence and sureness. I have not tried to live in stealth or conceal myself very well. That gives me peace of mind and buzz kills anyone who ever hopes to profit or cause issue's for me. Believe in yourself and don't worry about the future as we are not promised tomorrow at all. Live for today, not the imaginary future where someone tries to ruin your day. Just think, in two generations no one is probably going to even remember me or my being trans. We are only here for a blink in time. What you are or what you do to live will not be held against you forever. PM if you ever need to. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 24, 2014, 12:46:36 PM
Take 5 Shantel, I've got em now! ;D
CALEB! MALACHITE! ARGH!
What are we going to do with you two. You have all the support in the world here and guess what? My PM box is not full. That's right, no one bothered to ask old Jessica for help. Oh, is that it? Jessica is too old to help her brothers out now? ??? ::) OK, knock off all the negatives and go to your room, uh, room(s) right now. You need to stop eating all the frownies in the house! Come out with smiles or face the cougar! ;D
I'm sorry. :-\
Quote from: Malachite on January 24, 2014, 01:16:29 PM
I'm sorry. :-\
Quite all right soldier! Now get out there and take no prisoners on the job front! 8) Love you brother! :-*
btw I love the phrase "eating all the frownies" lmao. So using that.
I know you're right Jessica. I think quite often about how for whatever reason, I never used the skills I had during my first coming out (about liking women) during my second coming out (as trans). When I came out as a lesbian, I actually really surprised myself. Within just a few months, I went from this timid little mouse to not giving one single solitary crap what anyone else thought of me. I know I saw a few people from school, who knew me for 10+ years, who didn't recognize me because of my change in demeanour. When I told them who I was, they openly said they didn't know who I was because they couldn't believe that the quiet kid who sat in the corner all of a sudden was like...happy and confident. And if people were ignorant, I really had no issue handling it, I just had this fight in me.
But I've been out as trans for over 4 years ago and it seems like my transition just wants to kick my teeth in.
Quote from: Shantel on January 24, 2014, 12:54:05 PMWatch out fellas, Jessica is a man eater of a dominatrix!
If she eats men, then what does she do with women?
Quote from: Willow on January 24, 2014, 01:27:13 PM
If she eats men, then what does she do with women?
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 01:24:28 PM
But I've been out as trans for over 4 years ago and it seems like my transition just wants to kick my teeth in.
That's what it does best baby! Dysphoria is a giant cookie monster and you are a double chocolate chips deluxe! :)
I wish I could say it's all about dysphoria, but it isn't. I mean, yeah, my dysphoria is pretty bad, to the point where sometimes I just don't leave the house (like now). I'm just tired of fighting people. I'm tired of explaining to the well-meaning liberals why it's horrible to out other people. I got pretty tired of fighting my family, but fortunately that seems to be done with - it was years of constant problems though. I'm tired of being treated like I'm some spectacle that's only worth any attention because "the transition" is so fascinating.
And if people keep outing me, it seems my life will just always be a series of dealing with others and I truly can't be arsed.
Quote from: caleb. on January 24, 2014, 01:38:37 PM
I wish I could say it's all about dysphoria, but it isn't. I mean, yeah, my dysphoria is pretty bad, to the point where sometimes I just don't leave the house (like now). I'm just tired of fighting people. I'm tired of explaining to the well-meaning liberals why it's horrible to out other people. I got pretty tired of fighting my family, but fortunately that seems to be done with - it was years of constant problems though. I'm tired of being treated like I'm some spectacle that's only worth any attention because "the transition" is so fascinating.
And if people keep outing me, it seems my life will just always be a series of dealing with others and I truly can't be arsed.
I can understand that, really. Sometimes it gets so boring handing out the same facts about us day after day. It wears on your nerves over time. I deal with mine by a 6 mile walk in the boonies every day. Which was really hard today with +7 temps. Thanks Uncle Sam for the arctic survival gear, snug as a bug and great workout with all it weighs. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 24, 2014, 01:44:53 PM
I can understand that, really. Sometimes it gets so boring handing out the same facts about us day after day. It wears on your nerves over time. I deal with mine by a 6 mile walk in the boonies every day. Which was really hard today with +7 temps. Thanks Uncle Sam for the arctic survival gear, snug as a bug and great workout with all it weighs. :)
That sounds like a really great way to deal with stuff! My grandparents have a farm, and do I ever wish that I lived out there because I'd have so much space to walk! Our local park is rather crowded.
I'm sorta unhappy today because I feel pain coming from the suture site from a gastrointestinal surgery I had back in 2008. I also had an appendectomy in 2011 so my stomach is slightly disfigured. They sewed me up extra tight on my lower abdominal so I have a permanent overhang belly as well as what looks like 3 belly buttons and a huge scar. I'm both sad and scared because the doc over the phone is telling me that my symptoms indicate that I may have a hernia. Just what I need, another surgery to screw up my stomach. I'll find out tomorrow if this is true, if so then so much for my bikini dreams lol :/
Let's see. Car repair bill is $8,000+ and the car is worth like $15,000
I'm hoping the bill comes with a tube of K-Y or Astroglide and a bottle of tequila...
Quote from: Jill F on January 24, 2014, 02:05:17 PM
Let's see. Car repair bill is $8,000+ and the car is worth like $15,000
I'm hoping the bill comes with a tube of K-Y or Astroglide and a bottle of tequila...
Wow.
That really sucks.
How old is the car?
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 24, 2014, 01:23:11 PM
Quite all right soldier! Now get out there and take no prisoners on the job front! 8) Love you brother! :-*
Lol love you too, sis
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on January 24, 2014, 01:50:56 PM
I'm sorta unhappy today because I feel pain coming from the suture site from a gastrointestinal surgery I had back in 2008. I also had an appendectomy in 2011 so my stomach is slightly disfigured. They sewed me up extra tight on my lower abdominal so I have a permanent overhang belly as well as what looks like 3 belly buttons and a huge scar. I'm both sad and scared because the doc over the phone is telling me that my symptoms indicate that I may have a hernia. Just what I need, another surgery to screw up my stomach. I'll find out tomorrow if this is true, if so then so much for my bikini dreams lol :/
Good news is since your doctor was only on the phone with you, there's a very good chance everything is okay. Hope things turn out well, bet they do... :)
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 24, 2014, 02:11:52 PM
Wow.
That really sucks.
How old is the car?
2007, and I just got the pink slip in November. I'm just hoping I can squeeze 2 more years out of that lemon now. I'd make a margarita joke now, but I usually just put limes in those.
Checking rooms for rent has made me give up on the idea and decide to extend the period I will be on this flat.
Checking apartments for sale is making me puke. With what we can afford anything moderately habitable sucks, and anything decent in space and distribution requires major repairs
My friends couldn't go to the game.
And now I don't want to.
So much for spending $115 on season tickets; I've been to maybe 2/3 of the games so far (probably 8/12) and don't really want to go to any of the rest.
Quote from: Liam Erik on January 24, 2014, 05:27:54 PM
I don't have friends becaaaause... :icon_confused2:
Of course you don't have friends here....You have family!! :) We will always listen to you, see! :)
The Poms winning a game.....................
Wish i could have a baby...
a work incident. There is a lot of walking involved. I went to help out in another area and was asked about 2 other guys. I said I saw them walking around all night. One of them guys yelled at me for talking behind his back by saying that. I keep thinking, would he rather I said I didn't see them so they must have been sleeping all night?
Don't know why but I always feel bummed out the day after a three hour electrolysis session :P
I should be happy that the beard is vanishing bit by bit (and I am) but I rarely feel that way the next day. I'll be over it by tomorrow though, that's the usual pattern...
Yes I know what you mean Grace. I think it is due to the pain and swelling :-\
I'm suffering from future related anxiety since I opened my eyes this morning.
I'm making calculations again, and even if in a year I could save for minor FFS to do at the same time as SRS, I missed a factor in the equation:
Emergency savings / Plan B: I needed 5.000€ to add rhinoplasty and trach shave to the surgery shopping cart, but before doing that I'd need to save that amount for as emergency savings again. If I threw everything into SRS and FFS, I risk not having money for home appliances breaking, unexpected issues or even having to come back to thailand for a revision in case surgery does not go well.
Since I can't risk being an adult and not having an economic cushion, looks like in the end I may delay FFS for more time. Despite being told than it would be more beneficial than SRS for me, being able to say: "I can do SRS anytime" it's too good to and reassuring, even if it means living with more passability issues.
My mom came home early....and now she wants to put my new bed in....-sigh-
I was looking foward to her staying at work all day too....
For some reason, the fact that my friend took something nice I said to her and twisted it to assume I meant something more intimate than friendships still makes me feel very uncomfortable. And by very uncomfortable, I mean thoroughly disgusted and angry. Maybe it's one of my triggers? I keep thinking about times when people assumed I was interested in them and didn't respect the fact that I wasn't. Except I know she's not going to do anything like that. So why is it bugging me so much?
Quote from: Willow on January 24, 2014, 01:27:13 PM
If she eats men, then what does she do with women?
Floss
Woke up to find out an internet reviewer/producer I am a fan of passed away a couple of days ago, even though I did not know them in person it still has hit me hard.
I also feel bad that I am shaken by the loss of someone I have never met and yet when I lose a family member(especially one I am close to) I do not always feel anything.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 26, 2014, 03:31:48 AM
Woke up to find out an internet reviewer/producer I am a fan of passed away a couple of days ago, even though I did not know them in person it still has hit me hard.
I also feel bad that I am shaken by the loss of someone I have never met and yet when I lose a family member(especially one I am close to) I do not always feel anything.
This is *VERY* normal. I did not really shed a tear when my father died. I loved him to bits, but I just felt empty and.. decent. Like meh let's move on. I felt bad for feeling like that, but I had to, otherwise I'd lose my mind.
Good things are happening, but I still feel so depressed.
Well this has turned out bad.
Didn't feel like putting on today and was misgendered in the bathroom by the janitor. I politely explained that I was indeed female, but people often mistake me because of my height, and no, I don't play basketball.
A few hours after that, and I'm in the bathroom before heading to lunch, and I clearly see that I look male, even with my wig.
As painstaking as it is, I'm gojng to have to put on makeup wvery time I leave my room from now until FFS. Oh how I envy cis girls on that fact!
Like I really don't want to put on makeup of I'm just going to go to breakfast and that's it. I don't think any cis girl would either. But they have the choice not to; if I want a chance of passing, I have to.
*hugs Willow*
Quote from: Willow on January 26, 2014, 12:30:20 PM
As painstaking as it is, I'm gojng to have to put on makeup wvery time I leave my room from now until FFS. Oh how I envy cis girls on that fact!
Like I really don't want to put on makeup of I'm just going to go to breakfast and that's it. I don't think any cis girl would either. But they have the choice not to; if I want a chance of passing, I have to.
Cant be helped... :-\
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 26, 2014, 12:36:14 PMCant be helped... :-\
13 more weeks of school, then however long it is until FFS.
Having to go driving with my father today....
I hate driving....
Just kind of dropped into a bad mood. I started the day off right, and then it just declined gradually and now here I am.
Quote from: birkin on January 26, 2014, 03:40:53 PM
Just kind of dropped into a bad mood. I started the day off right, and then it just declined gradually and now here I am.
I'm down here. I just hope it doesn't last long. We should have a party in this dark pit.
Came out to gf and 2 best friends. Relationships ruined within 3 days.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 26, 2014, 03:56:05 PM
I'm down here. I just hope it doesn't last long. We should have a party in this dark pit.
Agreed!
Quote from: LordKAT on January 26, 2014, 03:56:05 PM
I'm down here. I just hope it doesn't last long. We should have a party in this dark pit.
I don't know about you moody guys ??? (Shan scratches head)
Feeling sick and tired. I think I need to eat more vegetables and get more exercise.
A year on hrt and all I have to ask is, progress wherefore art thou?
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 26, 2014, 06:13:37 PM
A year on hrt and all I have to ask is, progress wherefore art thou?
Wherefore means "why". I'm guessing you meant "where".
Well yes.
So does that mean Juliet is actually saying Why are you?
Quote from: Edge on January 26, 2014, 05:37:04 PM
Feeling sick and tired. I think I need to eat more vegetables and get more exercise.
Me, too.
Canadian winter saps me of my resolve to go outside and be active. :-\
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 26, 2014, 06:26:42 PM
Well yes.
So does that mean Juliet is actually saying Why are you?
It does, actually. She's bemoaning that Romeo is a Montague.
"Why do you have to be a Montague??"
Depressed. Really depressed. Mostly about my face and my issue in the bathroom this morning.
It's keeping me from writing an essay, the rough draft is due tomorrow and I don't feel like writing it at all.
Not even listening to reggatón, my power music as of late, is working.
I miss Keaira. I hope I get at least a short chat with her tonight.
I didn't get much sleep last night. Worrying will do that for you.
Fell asleep "writing" my essay. I barely got anything done. Wasted 5 hours sleeping, I now have less than 5 hours to write this, shower (which always takes a long time due to issues) and eat breakfast.
I would write during breakfast, but this battery only lasts me four hours, and I need it for psychology class, too.
I'll see if I can't find an outlet.
I don't know how I can stretch this into 4-5 pages. I've never written anything over a page and a half before.
I have 2 exams today barely slept yesterday and I'm feeling guilty that I really don't care whether I fail or not ><
The fact my emotions came back swinging, need to be numb again. I guess.
I didn't get much sleep last night.
My apartment is a mess and I'm pretty sure we have mice.
If the strike goes on for two more weeks, we lose the semester. Honestly, I'm not sure which I'd prefer right now since we've lost so much time.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 26, 2014, 03:31:48 AM
Woke up to find out an internet reviewer/producer I am a fan of passed away a couple of days ago, even though I did not know them in person it still has hit me hard.
I also feel bad that I am shaken by the loss of someone I have never met and yet when I lose a family member(especially one I am close to) I do not always feel anything.
You mean JewWario?
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on January 27, 2014, 09:49:39 AM
You mean JewWario?
Actually yes I do. Are there other TGWTG and Blip TV fans here?
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 27, 2014, 10:22:16 AM
Actually yes I do. Are there other TGWTG and Blip TV fans here?
i love TGWTG glasses. My favorite reviewers are Doug Walker and Brad Jones, although Spoony's old stuff was quite good too.
I am all over the place at the moment, right now my favorites are Linkara, Oancitizen, Nash, Brad Jones and starting to get into E-Rod's stuff. Before that it was Doug Walker, Lupa, Phelous, Elisa(Maven) and I think that is it. Honorable mentions are MikeJ's Infomercialism, Jesuotaku, That Sci-Fi Guy, Marzgurl, JewWario(of course) unfortunately I have only seen a few of his videos and need to catch up, Pushinguproses, Angry Joe and etc;
They sometimes get me through bad days, dark days are another thing but bad days definitely.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 27, 2014, 10:50:23 AM
I am all over the place at the moment, right now my favorites are Linkara, Oancitizen, Nash, Brad Jones and starting to get into E-Rod's stuff. Before that it was Doug Walker, Lupa, Phelous, Elisa(Maven) and I think that is it. Honorable mentions are MikeJ's Infomercialism, Jesuotaku, That Sci-Fi Guy, Marzgurl, JewWario(of course) unfortunately I have only seen a few of his videos and need to catch up, Pushinguproses, Angry Joe and etc;
They sometimes get me through bad days, dark days are another thing but bad days definitely.
Nostalgia Chick can be funny too, depending on what she's reviewing. I'll pass if she's doing a chickflick for the most part. Linkara is ok, but i'm not all that much into comics. I don't like SadPanda. Phelous is really funny. I detest Angry Joe's whole schtick. Lupa is great too, but rarely does anything nowadays. I think she married Phelous last year or the year before that.
Ah didn't know they were getting/got married.
i have become an almost completely different person during 2013. i know this isn't me. i wasn't always bitter. i don't want to seem like a jerk. i want myself to come back. Maybe therapy (trauma, depression) will help. i have become kind of aggressive at times and loud. i notice that i must seem quite unhinged to quite a few people, but what can I do?
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on January 27, 2014, 01:18:44 PM
i have become an almost completely different person during 2013. i know this isn't me. i wasn't always bitter. i don't want to seem like a jerk. i want myself to come back. Maybe therapy (trauma, depression) will help. i have become kind of aggressive at times and loud. i notice that i must seem quite unhinged to quite a few people, but what can I do?
It's OK hon, we all get you here just fine, hope you can get some resolution to it all somehow eventually!
Quote from: Shantel on January 27, 2014, 01:21:05 PM
It's OK hon, we all get you here just fine, hope you can get some resolution to it all somehow eventually!
i'm just glad the flashbacks are no longer easily triggered.
In today's apartment hunt...
Oh, God. I could have expected a dead grandpa inside. I had to make the guy change the status from "well kept" to "Needs repairs". Nothing could be saved.
The letter "wasn't good enough"
I feel like plowing over a wall, or six.
The 4% chance I gave myself of not walking out the door with a script, happened. I have the worst of luck.
Quote from: Willow on January 27, 2014, 02:35:42 PM
The letter "wasn't good enough"
I feel like plowing over a wall, or six.
The 4% chance I gave myself of not walking out the door with a script, happened. I have the worst of luck.
Seriously? What a load of horse crap! Did they at least tell you what the letter was missing?
Quote from: birkin on January 27, 2014, 02:37:58 PMSeriously? What a load of horse crap! Did they at least tell you what the letter was missing?
Yes. Direct citations and quotes from the WPATH documents.
Like, are those even necessary? I mean, the letters listed the requirements and stated that I had met all of them, and then some. So since they weren't quoted and cited, I have to wait another week, at least.
I'm quelling my anger with two mozzarella bacon cheeseburgers with pickles from the caf. The only caf on campus where you can get whatever you want on a burger, but only from 2-5 and 8-10.
I'm still going to be pissed. I don't know if I can survive any longer. From the day that my therapist said she was going to write the letter, 9 days ago, I've been dying inside a little each day. Less so knowing that the beginning was in sight. Now, I've died inside more than I have every day in the last month, since I went full time.
Sounds like a bit of a power trip to me. But hang in there. *hugs* I know the day I was set to get mine I couldn't even wait two days to get the free samples of Androgel, I was willing to pay a few hundred to start a couple days earlier. But in the long run, that couple days won't really matter. You'll get your hormones soon enough and one day you'll be like "omg, I'm almost two years on them" and look back to today like it was a past life.
Quote from: birkin on January 27, 2014, 03:05:17 PMSounds like a bit of a power trip to me. But hang in there. *hugs* I know the day I was set to get mine I couldn't even wait two days to get the free samples of Androgel, I was willing to pay a few hundred to start a couple days earlier. But in the long run, that couple days won't really matter. You'll get your hormones soon enough and one day you'll be like "omg, I'm almost two years on them" and look back to today like it was a past life.
This could be a matter of a few weeks, a few months, a few years, or a few lifetimes. I don't know how long t'll take for this to be resolved. It seems every time I go to see this doctor, she says "well there's one thing missing..."
Water heater is only 5+ years old and was given its last rites today.
Hemorrhaging yet more cash, although this is a drop in the bucket compared to last week. UGH!
Quote from: Willow on January 27, 2014, 03:11:23 PM
This could be a matter of a few weeks, a few months, a few years, or a few lifetimes. I don't know how long t'll take for this to be resolved. It seems every time I go to see this doctor, she says "well there's one thing missing..."
Anyone else you could see by chance? Like another doctor at the campus clinic? (it's fairly common for people to ask if Dr so and so is working). This one sounds like she's being ridiculous with little details.
Quote from: birkin on January 27, 2014, 03:14:37 PMAnyone else you could see by chance? Like another doctor at the campus clinic? (it's fairly common for people to ask if Dr so and so is working). This one sounds like she's being ridiculous with little details.
Nope. This is the only doctor which is authorised to work with trans patients on HRT and the like.
I think my therapist knows what she's doing; she's been working with trans patients for 15 years. The school doctor only two.
There's a rumour amongst my trans friend (which the large majority see her) that she's incompetent on trans care, and was only given the position because she has an FTM son.
I'd ask what they did to get on HRT, only I did, and the majority had to take a route which I don't want to first, and then that convinced the doctor that they were ready.
It's almost as if she's encouraging us to do something illegal to gain her trust.
Sounds like she maybe doing these things to test how much you want it, I guess in her eyes if they are desperate enough to self medicate(I assume that is what you are referring to) then they are ready. But in my mind that is irresponsible of her.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 27, 2014, 03:32:12 PMSounds like she maybe doing these things to test how much you want it, I guess in her eyes if they are desperate enough to self medicate(I assume that is what you are referring to) then they are ready. But in my mind that is irresponsible of her.
Extremely so. I'm strictly by the book. Doesn't mean I don't think out the box, I just don't do anything illegal.
If I wasn't in the caf, and didn't want to go across the street in the snow to my room, I'd be there crying my eyes out.
I tried not to at the clinic. Maybe if I had, she would have written a prescription.
Not saying that faking tears to get your way is good, I was genuinely sad about it. Angry too. I've done so much work, and I keep getting told "just a little more!" but I can't do anything more on my own. What else do you expect me to do? The only thing I have left that I can do short of hormones is use the women's bathroom to shower, but strictly speaking I can't do that without risking the very likely case that I'd be arrested for harassment. Take off the makeup, chest padding, and wig, and I'm unmistakably clearly a guy in appearance. Even with those things, some people don't see it and question what I am doing in the women's bathroom or whatnot. Hence why I'm so scared to use the bathroom at the Union. Not only does it sound quite lavish, there's a huge lounge outside it, but I'm afraid since it's considered to be a safe space for women that I'd be kicked out if anyone noticed my male features and thought I was male.
This is turning into the same thing that happened with my mother. I was the one doing all the giving and she would just take, and cry her eyes out whenever I mentioned anything trans related. She wasn't willing to compromise on any ground. And now she doesn't talk to me. That can't happen with my doctor. I NEED hormones, sooner than later. I'd pay everything I have to start today. Of course that's only $16; off insurance, I'm told (by same doctor) that they're "only" $80-100 per month.
Quote from: Willow on January 27, 2014, 03:11:23 PM
This could be a matter of a few weeks, a few months, a few years, or a few lifetimes. I don't know how long t'll take for this to be resolved. It seems every time I go to see this doctor, she says "well there's one thing missing..."
Took me one freaking year to get my prescription. In the end I took the not so recommended route, but It was not cheap, easy, and spent a good deal of time with a messed intestine. But hey, at least you are much younger than me. When you are on it, it will be much much better and effective.
I'd like to show you a Day 1 RLE with no HRT photo so that you cheer up, but it's too embarrrassing... maybe one day...
Ok, whatever:
http://i.imgur.com/z9lsohp.jpg
This was my first ever time out, before putting the breastforms and make up. I've never been that scared in my life.
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-Thinking-Norman-Vincent/dp/0671581864
Haha, I couldn't figure out why that book would make Jamie unhappy, but I'm thinking it must be a response to the unhappiness in the thread. I was very confused.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 27, 2014, 05:16:06 PM
Took me one freaking year to get my prescription. In the end I took the not so recommended route, but It was not cheap, easy, and spent a good deal of time with a messed intestine. But hey, at least you are much younger than me. When you are on it, it will be much much better and effective.
I'd like to show you a Day 1 RLE with no HRT photo so that you cheer up, but it's too embarrrassing... maybe one day...
Ok, whatever:
http://i.imgur.com/z9lsohp.jpg
This was my first ever time out, before putting the breastforms and make up. I've never been that scared in my life.
I can tell you were scared, it was written all over your face, you were practically hiding under the wig! ((Hugs))
I work with this guy who will not shut up... its always ->-bleeped-<- this and gay that and constantly talking about other ppl calling them homos and butt F ers and hes the ugly rat looking douche ( pardon my french) it just drives me absolutely crazy it would barely take any effort to plant his ass but I have to bite my tongue all day everyday.
Quote from: Jill F on January 27, 2014, 03:13:23 PM
Water heater is only 5+ years old and was given its last rites today.
Hemorrhaging yet more cash, although this is a drop in the bucket compared to last week. UGH!
You just reminded me I have a 15 year old water that I need to replace within this year because it could leak any day and flood the basment.
Quote from: Jenelle327 on January 27, 2014, 06:01:18 PM
I work with this guy who will not shut up... its always ->-bleeped-<- this and gay that and constantly talking about other ppl calling them homos and butt F ers and hes the ugly rat looking douche ( pardon my french) it just drives me absolutely crazy it would barely take any effort to plant his ass but I have to bite my tongue all day everyday.
I wouldn't be surprised if this person has something he's in denial about, regarding his own sexuality.
Quote from: Jenelle327 on January 27, 2014, 06:01:18 PM
I work with this guy who will not shut up... its always ->-bleeped-<- this and gay that and constantly talking about other ppl calling them homos and butt F ers and hes the ugly rat looking douche ( pardon my french) it just drives me absolutely crazy it would barely take any effort to plant his ass but I have to bite my tongue all day everyday.
Methinks he doth protest too much. I'll bet his hard drive is actually full of guy-guy porn.
Anyway, sounds potentially like a hostile workplace environment that you don't have to put up with.
Medical insurance claim denied. HRT, everything. If they think I'm going away without a fight...
Quote from: Sephirah on January 27, 2014, 06:07:12 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if this person has something he's in denial about, regarding his own sexuality.
More than likely the case!
Quote from: Jill F on January 27, 2014, 06:43:45 PM
Medical insurance claim denied. HRT, everything. If they think I'm going away without a fight...
Hell yeah, don't give up the fight! That is what they want you to do.
I went through this once before with my Quetiapine. I wasn't about to let these pencil pushing schmucks screw me around. It took probably 4 friggin months to straighten it out. It took all three of my docs writing letters to convince these damn idiots that I actually NEEDED this drug. Luckily, I was able to get by on samples from a nearby clinic (but it was the name brand Seroquel, which always put me in a mental fog for an hour or so each morning. The generics didn't do that to me). It's annoying as hell when pencil pushers screw with what you truly need.
Friggin idiots.
They also pulled the same crap after I changed my gender marker. I had to pay out of pocket for my E. It was only $4 but it was the principle of the thing that pissed me off. Cover it under a male name and male gender marker?
Yes.
Refuse to cover it once I change my gender marker?
No.
Idiots......
well, on saturday night my cat died. all of a sudden. he was not even a year old. he was not the brightest cat, nor the most agile or graceful.. he was incredibly passive and pretty much the best ever. my gf and I would always joke that there must be something wrong with him... apparently there truly was. his breathing was always audible when it was quiet. On the few times I took him to work with me to get them to check it out, his breathing was fine.
on saturday night, he tried to jump up on top of our recliner and he missed the jump. I thought he was just being typical clumsy kevin, but nope... I think he missed because something horrible happened. My vet said he may have had a blood clot or could have been a heart condition. I guess it makes it a bit better.. seeing as there was nothing I could have done.. but it's just so depressing... Nothing could replace him, he was the best little buddy.. :'(
That's horrible. :icon_hug:
It always sucks when a pet dies.
I've been through it a few times and it hurts just as much no matter how many times it happens.
*snif*
I miss all my fuzzy little friends so much. I don't know if I can ever get myself to find another one.
My deepest sympathies to you.
Hugs, Jill
Quote from: birkin on January 27, 2014, 05:31:28 PM
Haha, I couldn't figure out why that book would make Jamie unhappy, but I'm thinking it must be a response to the unhappiness in the thread. I was very confused.
We are, as a community, incredibly self-critical. No wonder almost half of us have attempted suicide.
Quote from: muffinpants on January 27, 2014, 07:16:08 PM
well, on saturday night my cat died. all of a sudden. he was not even a year old. he was not the brightest cat, nor the most agile or graceful.. he was incredibly passive and pretty much the best ever. my gf and I would always joke that there must be something wrong with him... apparently there truly was. his breathing was always audible when it was quiet. On the few times I took him to work with me to get them to check it out, his breathing was fine.
on saturday night, he tried to jump up on top of our recliner and he missed the jump. I thought he was just being typical clumsy kevin, but nope... I think he missed because something horrible happened. My vet said he may have had a blood clot or could have been a heart condition. I guess it makes it a bit better.. seeing as there was nothing I could have done.. but it's just so depressing... Nothing could replace him, he was the best little buddy.. :'(
Aww :(.. I've lost plenty of cats in my life, I know how it feels.
*Hugs*
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 27, 2014, 07:51:25 PM
Aww :(.. I've lost plenty of cats in my life, I know how it feels.
*Hugs*
Me to, count me with Mr. Hockey Muffinpants! All our kitties are buried under our apple tree along with two great dogs. They're always like family members and they get the same kind of respect when they check out. Hugs to you lady!
Quote from: Shantel on January 27, 2014, 08:04:42 PM
Me to, count me with Mr. Hockey Muffinpants! All our kitties are buried under our apple tree along with two great dogs. They're always like family members and they get the same kind of respect when they check out. Hugs to you lady!
I've lost about 4 cats in my life so far unfortunately. One ran away and never found her, one got out and the dogs next door got to her :(, one suffered an injury and had to be put down and most recently one had to be put down because she was sick. :(
It's horrible, really. You get so attached to animals. :(
This has been the worst ____ing Monday since 9 May 2011, when my partner said she wanted a divorce.
Today I feel unhappy cos my chest is too big... I am definitely top heavy and whatever I do or wear I cant conceal it I just end up looking like the marshmallow man... I will struggle to ever pass as a guy with these things stuck to me >:(
I wish I could just chop them off and give them to one of you MTFs
rads xx
Quote from: muffinpants on January 27, 2014, 07:16:08 PM
well, on saturday night my cat died. all of a sudden. he was not even a year old. he was not the brightest cat, nor the most agile or graceful.. he was incredibly passive and pretty much the best ever. my gf and I would always joke that there must be something wrong with him... apparently there truly was. his breathing was always audible when it was quiet. On the few times I took him to work with me to get them to check it out, his breathing was fine.
on saturday night, he tried to jump up on top of our recliner and he missed the jump. I thought he was just being typical clumsy kevin, but nope... I think he missed because something horrible happened. My vet said he may have had a blood clot or could have been a heart condition. I guess it makes it a bit better.. seeing as there was nothing I could have done.. but it's just so depressing... Nothing could replace him, he was the best little buddy.. :'(
So sorry to hear this muffin. I hope that precious dog of yours gives you a hug for me.
Quote from: Shantel on January 27, 2014, 05:38:58 PM
I can tell you were scared, it was written all over your face, you were practically hiding under the wig! ((Hugs))
I think I wrote a good story about that day (including things as covering my face with the umbrella, withstanding so much wing the wig nearly came out...)...
Another dream involving SRS.. In which a friend gets it but I am left stuck. If shinks keep making me wait, I may need to look for other shrinks to write the letters. This is going to be expensive.
Im willing to bet child birth hurts less then I do right now.
Quote from: Xhianil on January 28, 2014, 04:04:12 AM
Im willing to bet child birth hurts less then I do right now.
whats wrong?
Quote from: Constance on January 28, 2014, 12:18:31 AM
This has been the worst ____ing Monday since 9 May 2011, when my partner said she wanted a divorce.
That sucks Constance! (((hugs & TLC)))
I've been given until the end of the school year to get my depression "under control" before I'm reeavluated once again for hormones.
Mind you this isn't my therapist's choice, this is the school clinic's idea. But what choice do I have? They're covered by my insurance. Nothing else that provides trans care is and I can't pay out of pocket.
And what does "under control" really mean? The longer I go with nothing happening, the wore the depression gets. The (lack) of logic of some people.
I don't know a polite way, or if it's just downright rude, to dump your doctor because they wouldn't give you what you need.
Didn't get much sleep last night because of schoolwork, Dad is forcing the school to keep my pronouns as she/her, therapist is siding with parents and trying to get me to take everything even slower, binder isn't quite doing it today, plus shark week is probably coming in a few days.
Not to mention I'm going through a bit of autistic regression and talking's getting harder... Plus my family doesn't even recognize my autism so whenever I struggle with it they just think I'm ignoring them or being a jerk.
The one Bojangles I am looking to work at doesn't have an online application and I have to go into the place to fill on out....
The Pizza Hut online application wants to freeze up on me every time I try to apply....
Quote from: Rían on January 28, 2014, 10:47:52 AM
Didn't get much sleep last night because of schoolwork, Dad is forcing the school to keep my pronouns as she/her, therapist is siding with parents and trying to get me to take everything even slower, binder isn't quite doing it today, plus shark week is probably coming in a few days.
Not to mention I'm going through a bit of autistic regression and talking's getting harder... Plus my family doesn't even recognize my autism so whenever I struggle with it they just think I'm ignoring them or being a jerk.
i'm suffering for that too. It's like i managed to build a shield for my aspergers autism and it cracked.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 10:20:27 AM
I've been given until the end of the school year to get my depression "under control" before I'm reeavluated once again for hormones.
Mind you this isn't my therapist's choice, this is the school clinic's idea. But what choice do I have? They're covered by my insurance. Nothing else that provides trans care is and I can't pay out of pocket.
And what does "under control" really mean? The longer I go with nothing happening, the wore the depression gets. The (lack) of logic of some people.
I don't know a polite way, or if it's just downright rude, to dump your doctor because they wouldn't give you what you need.
Believe it or not I had to deal with this too...
My therapist had told me that he ll prescribe me hormones but then he changed his mind and said I need more time... >:( >:( :( :'(
it really sucks cause ,you know, they give you hope and suddently take it away,,,
From the moment I started seeing a therapist a year passed , then I started hormones....
I believe it depends on the age,,,the dont give hormones that easy to young people...imagine how many 15-16 yo would be forced to wait until 18 yo etc etc...
I cant understand this logic...
Turns out the most excellent state of Michigan is not only taking away the $113 they were supposed to give back to me, they're taking away $4 from me.
Doesn't seem like a lot, but the $113 they were supposed to give me, along with the $162 the federal government is going to give me, is supposed to last the rest of the semestre. And possible, the rest of the year, considering I probably can't work over the summer.
How am I supposed to pay for anything on $158? Looks like I'm going to have to ask dad for more money.
First I thought I'd be getting $4-500 back. Then $275. And now I'm barely getting $150.
This has been the absolute worst week ever. And it just started.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on January 28, 2014, 02:25:37 PM
Believe it or not I had to deal with this too...
My therapist had told me that he ll prescribe me hormones but then he changed his mind and said I need more time... >:( >:( :( :'(
it really sucks cause ,you know, they give you hope and suddently take it away,,,
From the moment I started seeing a therapist a year passed , then I started hormones....
I believe it depends on the age,,,the dont give hormones that easy to young people...imagine how many 15-16 yo would be forced to wait until 18 yo etc etc...
I cant understand this logic...
This is the second time she's done it to me, just 2.5 months later. I can't wait any longer. I'm going to have to talk with dad and tell him to take me to HB in Chicago, hopefully they won't be as stupid and moronic.
I'm sick of dealing with this gatekeeping. I'm no longer depressed, I'm downright angry.
I got locked out of my Toys R Us online application account for 24 hours for the wrong username/password.
Pretty much everything, wish I could at least surgically remove my brain at least since it is hurting(not headache like) and then I can't think about feeling bad.
I feel useless, unloved, purposeless. Discarded.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 05:04:45 PM
I feel useless, unloved, purposeless. Discarded.
Aww :( what's wrong?
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 05:04:45 PM
I feel useless, unloved, purposeless. Discarded.
im not gonna lie i have that "unloved/unlovable" feeling all the time, it makes me cry if i think about how no one will ever love me because im ugly and a freak, bah i hate it, the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that in a year i will be able to officially start my transition with full time living and have the finances to make myself pretty in the way i want to be
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 06:29:34 PMAww :( what's wrong?
Mostly more complaints about my doctor and medical staff that no one wants to hear. Also the fact that not even ->-bleeped-<-s will want me until FFS becausw I'm not passable, and the only surgery I can get at this rate would be the tracheal shave, which doesn't help my face look any better.
Off topic, but I think that's donald Brashear in your avitar. Shame he was such a bad player.
Quote from: kiara jamie on January 28, 2014, 07:05:55 PM
im not gonna lie i have that "unloved/unlovable" feeling all the time, it makes me cry if i think about how no one will ever love me because im ugly and a freak, bah i hate it, the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that in a year i will be able to officially start my transition with full time living and have the finances to make myself pretty in the way i want to be
You lucked out. You're already very pretty. I'd date you in a second. No one wants to date a man's face perched on the frame of a tall woman, who has to wear socks for breasts.
thank you everyone for the responses, they warmed my heart <3 and yes, my baby kissy has been helping me and my gf through this sad time by giving us tons of kisses and cuddles and being extra silly. together we will pull through this. thanks again <3
edit:
Willow, I've always loved getting to see your pictures. I think you are quite beautiful and have a wonderfully fem face already! Just wanted you to know that even though you see yourself one way, there are many different people with many different perceptions in this world, and plenty of these people find you gorgeous.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 07:25:30 PM
Mostly more complaints about my doctor and medical staff that no one wants to hear. Also the fact that not even ->-bleeped-<-s will want me until FFS becausw I'm not passable, and the only surgery I can get at this rate would be the tracheal shave, which doesn't help my face look any better.
Off topic, but I think that's donald Brashear in your avitar. Shame he was such a bad player.You lucked out. You're already very pretty. I'd date you in a second. No one wants to date a man's face perched on the frame of a tall woman, who has to wear socks for breasts.
Hey, I think you're beautiful. You're one of my favorites on this site, honestly; I'd date you in an instant if we ever met (and if I was a bit older). :)
Yes, it is Brashear I'm pretty sure. I picked it for Rob Ray though.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 07:31:07 PM
Hey, I think you're beautiful. You're one of my favorites on this site, honestly; I'd date you in an instant if we ever met (and if I was a bit older). :)
Yes, it is Brashear I'm pretty sure. I picked it for Rob Ray though.
I only post pictures taken on Wednesdays anymore. It's the only day that I seem to look presentable.
I hate how I feel so pretty and sexy on the inside (even doing a dancelike routine to a song :D ) but then I look in a mirror and my face is nothing like how I imagined it.
I thought it was PK at first but then realised the number was wrong. The jersey colours were right though.
Kinda funny, there's PK, defender for my favourite hockey team, and then Piqué, defender for my favourite soccer team.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 07:34:59 PM
I only post pictures taken on Wednesdays anymore. It's the only day that I seem to look presentable.
I hate how I feel so pretty and sexy on the inside (even doing a dancelike routine to a song :D ) but then I look in a mirror and my face is nothing like how I imagined it.
I know how you feel. I think you have a very pretty face.. keep your head up :)
I saw your pic on the Before & After thread with the FC Barcelona shirt.. I'm assuming that's your favorite team? I'm a big Manchester United fan. I also like Celtic FC.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 07:38:10 PM
I know how you feel. I think you have a very pretty face.. keep your head up :)
Doesn't feel that way when I'm stared at, pointed at, whispered about behind my back, and laughed at. Especially not when I get misgendered in the bathroom. I've been using more remotely located bathrooms since that big incident...
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 07:38:10 PMI saw your pic on the Before & After thread with the FC Barcelona shirt.. I'm assuming that's your favorite team? I'm a big Manchester United fan. I also like Celtic FC.
Yep.
And I started liking them long ago, back in the Ronaldinho days. I didn't bandwagon because of Messi :P
If I end up going to the University of Edinburgh for grad school, I'll see if I can't joint Hibernian LFC. Other than that, I don't really follow Scottish football. Only English, Spanish, German, and Italian, my teams being West Ham, Barcelona, Bayer Leverkusen, and Roma, respectively.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 07:40:19 PM
Doesn't feel that way when I'm stared at, pointed at, whispered about behind my back, and laughed at. Especially not when I get misgendered in the bathroom. I've been using more remotely located bathrooms since that big incident...
Big incident? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 07:43:45 PM
Yep.
And I started liking them long ago, back in the Ronaldinho days. I didn't bandwagon because of Messi :P
If I end up going to the University of Edinburgh for grad school, I'll see if I can't joint Hibernian LFC. Other than that, I don't really follow Scottish football. Only English, Spanish, German, and Italian, my teams being West Ham, Barcelona, Bayer Leverkusen, and Roma, respectively.
I've never really gotten into La Liiga football. FC Barcelona is a great team though.. Messi is great.
I'm relatively new to football actually. Many assume I'm a bandwagoner because Man Utd has lots of bandwagoners I've noticed but the first full football game I saw was a Man Utd game so I started liking them. I didn't even know any of the players. I started following Celtic FC after watching a documentary about them.
I've watched MLS a little bit and it's ok. I like the Red Bulls.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 07:54:16 PMBig incident? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?
I've never really gotten into La Liiga football. FC Barcelona is a great team though.. Messi is great.
I'm relatively new to football actually. Many assume I'm a bandwagoner because Man Utd has lots of bandwagoners I've noticed but the first full football game I saw was a Man Utd game so I started liking them. I didn't even know any of the players. I started following Celtic FC after watching a documentary about them.
The janitor asked me what I was doing in the girl's bathroom. I politely explained that I was a girl, that my height often got me mistaken, and no, I don't play basketball.
I quickly washed my hands and left. I just wanted to go find a dark corner and cry for hours.
I know the rostrr by heart. Except I never remember which are 8 and 6, Xavi or Iniesta, since they wear opposite numbers for Spain as they do Barcelona. I think Xavi is 8, and Iniesta is 6. Our that coukd be their Spain numbers.
ManU is in 7th place :P
I just hate City and all their money.
Best BPL game I ever watched: City at Aston Villa. Villa is somehow tied at 2-2 when Andy Weimann, only 22 years old and pretty much unknown, filling in for the injured Gabriel Agbonlahor, scores to put Villa on top 3-2. Never expected it. It was fantastic. Villa has a great number of talented young players, but lacks leadership in terms of veterans.
MLS: where players go to die.
I shared a video on my tumblr, I wanted to dedicate it to someone special who doesn't know who they are although I don't think I'm ready for her to figure it out and I am sure she would. Nope not ready for that conversation.
Quote from: Willow on January 28, 2014, 08:04:51 PM
The janitor asked me what I was doing in the girl's bathroom. I politely explained that I was a girl, that my height often got me mistaken, and no, I don't play basketball.
I quickly washed my hands and left. I just wanted to go find a dark corner and cry for hours.
I know the rostrr by heart. Except I never remember which are 8 and 6, Xavi or Iniesta, since they wear opposite numbers for Spain as they do Barcelona. I think Xavi is 8, and Iniesta is 6. Our that coukd be their Spain numbers.
ManU is in 7th place :P
I just hate City and all their money.
Best BPL game I ever watched: City at Aston Villa. Villa is somehow tied at 2-2 when Andy Weimann, only 22 years old and pretty much unknown, filling in for the injured Gabriel Agbonlahor, scores to put Villa on top 3-2. Never expected it. It was fantastic. Villa has a great number of talented young players, but lacks leadership in terms of veterans.
MLS: where players go to die.
Aww :(, I've had some moments like that. But I'm sure with FFS, you'll feel more confident and look more feminine. Like I said, I think you already look feminine. You have a very cute face.
I know, I know it sucks. :/ Well at least we won today.. a win against Cardiff isn't that impressive but I'll take it. I don't really have a favorite football game yet.
MLS is very weak compared to European football.. but it's ok I guess. Well this is going off-topic lol so maybe I'll message you tomorrow and we could talk football. I have to get in bed. :)
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 08:10:54 PMAww :(, I've had some moments like that. But I'm sure with FFS, you'll feel more confident and look more feminine. Like I said, I think you already look feminine. You have a very cute face.
I know, I know it sucks. :/ Well at least we won today.. a win against Cardiff isn't that impressive but I'll take it. I don't really have a favorite football game yet.
MLS is very weak compared to European football.. but it's ok I guess. Well this is going off-topic lol so maybe I'll message you tomorrow and we could talk football. I have to get in bed. :)
Yes, but only on Wednesdays.
And unfortunately, FFS looks like it won't be for another year, at this rate.
I don't like what Moyes is doing to the club.
But yeah, I'll message with you tomorrow.
I have to start over on an online application
My car hates the cold. Short paycheck coming up.
I got no T.
I do have my prescription for Sustanon but this whole damn country has been sucked dry of it so it's a no-can-do, and I ran out of gel yesterday.
I called the policlinic responsible for this stuff and asked for a new prescription but I've heard nothing from there and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. Of course all this could be because of the personal identity number changing and whatnot but I STILL HAVE NO T AND IT'S STRESSING ME BEYOND BELIEF.
My mom isn't going to work today. :(
Watching others win the waiting game while I'm still stuck here losing it, and there's nothing more I can do.
A friend is going to a movie and didn't invite me even though I invited him to the last movie I saw. He never invites me to anything. I guess he doesn't actually like me.
I just found out that one my great aunts died last night.
Quote from: Constance on January 29, 2014, 09:37:12 AM
I just found out that one my great aunts died last night.
I'm sorry hon. :(
Quote from: Edge on January 29, 2014, 09:34:53 AM
A friend is going to a movie and didn't invite me even though I invited him to the last movie I saw. He never invites me to anything. I guess he doesn't actually like me.
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Did he invite anyone else?
Day 3 of the worst week ever and dysphoria is crippling. I've got a psychology test in 2 hours that I really don't want to get all made up to go to I don't want to do anything but die right now.
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 09:46:45 AM
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Did he invite anyone else?
Yes. One of our mutual friends told me he, D, and other friends were going. (It just came up in conversation because I mentioned that I am planning on going to a movie sometime and am giving an open invitation to come.)
Quote from: Edge on January 29, 2014, 09:57:04 AM
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 09:46:45 AM
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Did he invite anyone else?
Yes. One of our mutual friends told me he, D, and other friends were going. (It just came up in conversation because I mentioned that I am planning on going to a movie sometime and am giving an open invitation to come.)
How well do you know the others? Maybe someone else set up the movie date?
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 10:02:47 AM
Yes. One of our mutual friends told me he, D, and other friends were going. (It just came up in conversation because I mentioned that I am planning on going to a movie sometime and am giving an open invitation to come.)
How well do you know the others? Maybe someone else set up the movie date?
I don't know who the others are, so I don't know. I don't know how it is in other places, but here that wouldn't change anything. Every time I invited or am invited to the movies, not everyone knows everyone and people frequently invite other people.
Quote from: Edge on January 29, 2014, 10:12:37 AM
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 10:02:47 AM
Yes. One of our mutual friends told me he, D, and other friends were going. (It just came up in conversation because I mentioned that I am planning on going to a movie sometime and am giving an open invitation to come.)
How well do you know the others? Maybe someone else set up the movie date?
I don't know who the others are, so I don't know. I don't know how it is in other places, but here that wouldn't change anything. Every time I invited or am invited to the movies, not everyone knows everyone and people frequently invite other people.
Hmm maybe you could mention it in kind of a joking way 'hey I heard you went to see X without me!' It could just be an oversight. I doubt he was thinking 'oh better not invite Edge!' Though I know how easy it is to think that with your history of bad friendships.
Quote from: Emo on January 28, 2014, 09:33:36 AM
whats wrong?
Lots of stomach pain, throwing up, which is making my usual migraines and vision problems a lot worse, then the fact that despite all that I still need to function in my day to day life, which is certainly f***ing not helping.
Quote from: Willow on January 29, 2014, 09:47:13 AM
Day 3 of the worst week ever and dysphoria is crippling. I've got a psychology test in 2 hours that I really don't want to get all made up to go to I don't want to do anything but die right now.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Being called a cheeky bastard for asking someone to smoke outside the no smoking bus shelter.
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 10:30:48 AM
Hmm maybe you could mention it in kind of a joking way 'hey I heard you went to see X without me!' It could just be an oversight. I doubt he was thinking 'oh better not invite Edge!' Though I know how easy it is to think that with your history of bad friendships.
I could, but our other friend just invited me, so I am going. Huzzah! I still wonder if D doesn't want me there though.
Quote from: Edge on January 29, 2014, 03:20:35 PM
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 10:30:48 AM
Hmm maybe you could mention it in kind of a joking way 'hey I heard you went to see X without me!' It could just be an oversight. I doubt he was thinking 'oh better not invite Edge!' Though I know how easy it is to think that with your history of bad friendships.
I could, but our other friend just invited me, so I am going. Huzzah! I still wonder if D doesn't want me there though.
Awesome! Screw him if he doesn't. I would just take him at face value for now.
I have a bump on my face that is half torn.
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 03:26:48 PM
Awesome! Screw him if he doesn't. I would just take him at face value for now.
Thanks. I, er, want to. That's a problem.
Quote from: Edge on January 29, 2014, 04:02:13 PM
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 03:26:48 PM
Awesome! Screw him if he doesn't. I would just take him at face value for now.
Thanks. I, er, want to. That's a problem.
oh wait - this is the crush you've been talking about?
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 04:22:40 PM
oh wait - this is the crush you've been talking about?
Yes. He doesn't know and we're just friends.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on January 28, 2014, 07:54:16 PM
Big incident? What happened, if you don't mind me asking?
I've never really gotten into La Liiga football. FC Barcelona is a great team though.. Messi is great.
Honestly... Not as much as a team as a huge pile of cash. Want a real football team?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffuscal.com.ve%2Ffuscal2%2Fmedia%2Fbearleague%2Fbl13737496711241.png&hash=25b33b544565fbeafde700c278f34225aac3e9b5)
No piles of cash, no superstars, no International players (Instead of importing players from other countries to sell more merchandise we only get players from the historical provinces)... And no corruption (ask about the latest scandal regarding Neimar's purchase). We only built half out the outer stadium at a time to avoid running in situations such as other clubs that went bankrupt with overexpending. And we still do pretty well...
It's one of the three only clubs that have been in the 1st division since 1928, with Barcelona and Madrid.
Honestly, I should not even care about football, but...
Quote from: big kim on January 29, 2014, 02:18:23 PM
Being called a cheeky bastard for asking someone to smoke outside the no smoking bus shelter.
I hate when people smoke in the shelters! Like that's so rude...why do you think you should get the shelter when you're poisoning everyone inside it? You want your dirty little habit you can take the consequences. -_-
So there was a small fire in the hallway caused by my mother lighting up some incense and forgetting about them. I tried to find our fire extinquisher where it usually is but it was NO where to be found. The air freshner can near the fire exploded and the glass holding the incense shattered and the fire apparently disappeared. I have no clue how that was possible, but I thank God it did. My mom acted clueless about the FE and said she probably used it. Then she tells me we need a fire alarm and fire extinguisher....really? I think she's slightly drunk. This house should already be condemned according to a repairman.
This could have ended badly. I'm going to keep on her about getting a fire extinguisher.
Quote from: Malachite on January 29, 2014, 05:25:53 PM
So there was a small fire in the hallway caused by my mother lighting up some incense and forgetting about them. I tried to find our fire extinquisher where it usually is but it was NO where to be found. The air freshner can near the fire exploded and the glass holding the incense shattered and the fire apparently disappeared. I have no clue how that was possible, but I thank God it did. My mom acted clueless about the FE and said she probably used it. Then she tells me we need a fire alarm and fire extinguisher....really? I think she's slightly drunk. This house should already be condemned according to a repairman.
This could have ended badly. I'm going to keep on her about getting a fire extinguisher.
Is this why you're always disappointed when she's home? :laugh:
snow
Quote from: FA on January 29, 2014, 05:53:12 PM
Is this why you're always disappointed when she's home? :laugh:
This was one time where I was glad she was here. I don't like it when she gets off work early or doesn't have to work because that's more time I have to spend with her drunk.
Totally not feeling comfortable today. More or less I got used to andro mode and still getting gendered female half the time, but today is totally dude mode. Male clothing and coat, boots, and no make up. I'm not even tucking and that moving and actually feeling itr is not a good thing. The why?
- blood test ultra early. Putting make up equals 30 more minutes without breakfast at home. Glad I shaved yesterday at night.
- I'm going to the civil registry to try and change my name. I need to prove that Noah is male (since the restriction on names matching genre won't be lifted until July), and I am caught as trans they may stop me and force me to come back with the second letter for changing name and gender marker.
We do name changes any day but thursdays. Thursdays are reserved for taking oaths to nationality.
And she was giving me weird loooks for moving from Jorge to Noah. So you know, tomorrow I'm going there full femme. I'm not crossdressing male as today anymore.
I don't even know why. I just feel like crap today.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 30, 2014, 04:54:39 AM
We do name changes any day but thursdays. Thursdays are reserved for taking oaths to nationality.
And she was giving me weird loooks for moving from Jorge to Noah. So you know, tomorrow I'm going there full femme. I'm not crossdressing male as today anymore.
You're going from a male name to another male name?
Quote from: FA on January 30, 2014, 06:35:45 AM
You're going from a male name to another male name?
To a neutral one usable by both genders which I have been using for a year (In spain it is considered female sounding, since most of the time people won't bother to check the origin). Law here does not allow you to have a name not matching your birth assigned gender without waiting for two years HRT or surgery, so a lot of people resort to gender neutral names while trying to convince the the judge it is a male name (or the opposite).
If after a year I choose a new name again, everybody is going to get really pissed. Except for my parents, who put zero effort on accepting my new identity. Lucia could be a possible new name that did not came originally. Andrea too (also neutral, but more femenine), but there were far too many trans Andreas already... Going with Noah variations, Noelia is also there... Just that it's a name that can cause me to create a mental link to a part of my life I want to forget. Noah is quite "clean" in that sense.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 29, 2014, 05:14:23 PMHonestly... Not as much as a team as a huge pile of cash. Want a real football team?
I'd say Aduríz, Susaeta, and Beñat are rising stars. All domestic as well. Many of Barcelona's stars came up through the ranks of the youth academy. Like everyone in the starting 11 besides Neymar (Santos) and Dani Alves (Bahia).
I do think that they are going to beat out Valencia for a European spot. Hopefully they won't be decimated like Real Sociedad was this year. In fact, I kow they won't.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 30, 2014, 06:40:55 AM
To a neutral one usable by both genders which I have been using for a year (In spain it is considered female sounding since most of the time since people won't bother to check the origin). Law here does not allow you to have a not matching your birth assigned gender without two years HRT or surgery, so a lot of people resort to gender neutral names while trying to convince the the judge it is a male name (or the opposite).
Hey why havent I thought about that?
Finished the drawing I did of the girl I like but as usual I dislike it granted I always dislike my work and this was the first time I have drawn in like three years but still, I think I made the hair two red and should have done it in brown first then added red. Also I just suck at doing portraits, so on the one hand I want to post it to my Tumblr due to I do not think she will be able to tell it is her but at the same time I worry that will be able to and not like it(it is bad afterall) or at least ask me why I chose to draw her and frankly I do not think I could answer as I do not think I am ready for the question.
Also my drawing sucks big-time. :(
Finding out that UCLA doesn't have a criminal justice program.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 30, 2014, 08:48:06 AM
Finished the drawing I did of the girl I like but as usual I dislike it granted I always dislike my work and this was the first time I have drawn in like three years but still, I think I made the hair two red and should have done it in brown first then added red. Also I just suck at doing portraits, so on the one hand I want to post it to my Tumblr due to I do not think she will be able to tell it is her but at the same time I worry that will be able to and not like it(it is bad afterall) or at least ask me why I chose to draw her and frankly I do not think I could answer as I do not think I am ready for the question.
Also my drawing sucks big-time. :(
There are few artists that like their own work, I can (and have) spend 3 hours on a simple background and think nothing else but of how bad it looks.
Before this pic the most arty I have gotten in a while drawing wise is to do crappy digital art in GiMP and add it to my deviantart page.
You are right it is pretty normal doesn't make it easier or me feel better though.
Upset stomach
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on January 30, 2014, 12:23:31 PM
Before this pic the most arty I have gotten drawing wise is to do crappy digital art in GiMP and add it to my deviantart page.
You are right it is pretty normal doesn't make it easier or me feel better though.
Still might be better then you think.
Have a look at my deviantart if you want.
Found out that instead of being two days like everyone else's, because I'm being relocated halfway across the country, my depot visit will be three nights, which including travelling time is basically four days. I only just found out when it was today, and its fallen on the time that my girlfriend had booked off so that she could see me. I haven't seen her since the very beginning of the new year, and I'll be lucky to get a day and a half with her now.
I was invited to a movie, but they didn't tell me what time. They told me they would, but they're going today and it's already past 5.
And another screw-up. The home I had a few hopes about:
Seemingly, my father went to see it in near complete darkness. The person showing it forgot the flashlight, and he never thought about using the phone as a flashlight.
So, I had to track down the place in website until I could find enough photos to make myself an idea:
- Tiles in Kitchen and bathroom don't go up to the ceiling. While not a problem in the kitchen, it means I would be wetting the paint every time I shower. Not designed for tall people.
- The plumbing is older than Jesus. The faucet in the kitchen is one of those oldies where you need to turn two knobs to control the hot water. And since they are coming out from the wall instead of the sink, putting a modern faucet means a massive work and also adding a new sink
- It will require buying a new washing machine, an air vent, microwave oven and oven
- going back to the bathroom, lead plumbing and one of those old high level cisterns on the toiled, more prone to failure. Which has the pipe crossing the insides of the wall.
In the end, upgrading it would require massive money, so it is only viable if the price can be negotiatied to 20.000€ less that its current prince. So again I don't have a possible home, and I won't even check it tomorrow.
In the end we are accepting that any home in the range we can affor will require a considerable amount of fixing. We are going to check another that is a complete mistery. It requires repairs but we don't know of what kind. But at least the bulding is fairly "modern" (70's, possibly) and a more or less up to date kitchen is already installed (no appliances). I'm scared about what I will see.
I am also afraid that any repairs I have to do while not having a source of income will come from my savings. As I told my father, the 10.000€ I had kept for SRS are holy. But I am afraid I will have to spend them and I will never be able to do it...
Someone may lose their job because of their roommates' homophobia, and my (gay) friend in that room is now very uncomfortable with living there, but there's no where else for her to go, and anyway she can't make a case to be moved without telling the truth about tonight and costing this girl her job.
The staff here came into my room and searched our wardrobes and under our beds in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep, waking them all up. Too much drama for a work night.
I feel like I am running out of time. I don't know where to get the information I want. There is so much I need to know that will take me a long time to learn and I don't have that kind of time. I wish I was immortal.
Oh yeah and I did make it to the movie and had fun. Then the others all went to another person's house to play video games. I wasn't invited. Of course not. I'm not the kind of person people like having around. Mind you, they've never seen any reason why yet, so... I guess it's instinctual?
It is annoying that this bothers me.
I smashed my arm in the trash can and now it's sore.
I'm really sore from playing floor hockey yesterday.
I need to go shopping, but there's no one to go with.
Knowing that I have to go into the cold kitchen and wash dishes and put the clothes in the dryer.
Every time I think about what surgeries I have left, I just feel so gross and like "omg get these goddamn things off" (or on, in the case of the bottom)
I think what I'll do, when I have a paycheck again, is every time I feel tempted to spend cash on something, put it down, consider if I reallyneed it, and if I decide I don't, literally put the amount of money it would have cost into a separate bank account for surgeries. So if I want a $15 shirt, and decide I don't need a shirt, put $15 into my surgery savings right away. That way, it's not just "this could go to surgery", it's "it WILL go to surgery" and I can actually see a number go up to indicate that my choices do in fact matter.
Quote from: birkin on January 31, 2014, 11:42:37 AM
Every time I think about what surgeries I have left, I just feel so gross and like "omg get these goddamn things off" (or on, in the case of the bottom)
I think what I'll do, when I have a paycheck again, is every time I feel tempted to spend cash on something, put it down, consider if I reallyneed it, and if I decide I don't, literally put the amount of money it would have cost into a separate bank account for surgeries. So if I want a $15 shirt, and decide I don't need a shirt, put $15 into my surgery savings right away. That way, it's not just "this could go to surgery", it's "it WILL go to surgery" and I can actually see a number go up to indicate that my choices do in fact matter.
That's how I'd do it. :)
I'm glad to hear that, since it's coming from someone who I know is very good with money.
The dysphoria was caused by going into the FTM tag on Tumblr. Of course I saw...pre-op bits. I don't even know why I go on Tumblr...I leave for a while because it's so messed up, and then I go back and remember why I left in the first place.
Quote from: birkin on January 31, 2014, 11:52:32 AM
I'm glad to hear that, since it's coming from someone who I know is very good with money.
The dysphoria was caused by going into the FTM tag on Tumblr. Of course I saw...pre-op bits. I don't even know why I go on Tumblr...I leave for a while because it's so messed up, and then I go back and remember why I left in the first place.
:D I don't blame you. I don't have a Tumblr account and I plan on keeping it like that for a while. I have trouble not being triggered by some of the stuff here, let alone that site lol.
Quote from: birkin on January 31, 2014, 11:52:32 AM
I'm glad to hear that, since it's coming from someone who I know is very good with money.
The dysphoria was caused by going into the FTM tag on Tumblr. Of course I saw...pre-op bits. I don't even know why I go on Tumblr...I leave for a while because it's so messed up, and then I go back and remember why I left in the first place.
I've done that to myself too, going into that tag can make my dysphoria skyrocket in a couple of seconds. Maybe I should get rid of my account since I can't seem to remember it's not good for me.
Have to break being full time fire the whole day today. Had to do laundry, I'm hungry now and don't want to do makeup to go to the caf, and no one wanted to go shipping with me today so what's the point really?
Ugh, I can't wait for the moment I can Lane my room and be perceived as female without doing anything special.
Spilt some really hot soup on myself.
The beef tips my mom cooked are tooo tough for me to enjoy.
Spent the entire morning in a dental chair getting two titanium studs screwed into my jawbone, I feel as if I've been in a bar brawl and got my ass kicked again!
Quote from: Shantel on January 31, 2014, 04:43:20 PM
Spent the entire morning in a dental chair getting two titanium studs screwed into my jawbone, I feel as if I've been in a bar brawl and got my ass kicked again!
Feel better soon, Shantie!
Couldnt resist the fried chicken. :(
Quote from: Malachite on January 31, 2014, 04:52:18 PM
Feel better soon, Shantie!
Though I don't like using it oxycodone is taking the edge off, thanks Mister!
Seeing a girl that both looks and sounds like everything you wish you could and having to resist the urge to break down crying.
Quote from: Shantel on January 31, 2014, 05:36:25 PM
Though I don't like using it oxycodone is taking the edge off, thanks Mister!
Haha! Hey, enjoy them Shantel. :P
I threw my dirty, sweaty, snowy clothes in the washer machine. I then had to dig out something I could disguise my chest with because I have no idea when my brother's friends are coming over. *sigh* Isn't it sad that I have to plan around something like that? I wish these things would come off already. Sure hope I can get cash together quickly. Until then, I just keep telling myself "ok, it sucks, but ultimately binding is just an inconvenience above all else."
Strangers came into my apartment, made disparaging comments about my home, and I have no idea if they dealt with the mouse problem.
Just learned someone I knew hanged himself on Sunday. Second one in just over two years.
Now I always wonder how many people suffer their GD silently and were eventually successful in taking their deepest, darkest secret to the grave.
If I couldn't have come out, I probably would have eventually eaten a bullet if the booze didn't get me first.
Quote from: Jill F on January 31, 2014, 08:44:06 PM
Just learned someone I knew hanged himself on Sunday. Second one in just over two years.
Now I always wonder how many people suffer their GD silently and were eventually successful in taking their deepest, darkest secret to the grave.
If I couldn't have come out, I probably would have eventually eaten a bullet if the booze didn't get me first.
That's pretty sad, sorry Jill!
I can't seem to get past this level on Hot Dog Bush.
The usual stuff, also feeling like family just tolerates me.
Woke up late so I barely had any time to put on makeup and didn't have time to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth before the bus came. Good thing I didn't though, a minute layer and I'd have missed the bus.
Seeing homophobic & transphobic comments on Facebook.
What a way to start the day. I wake up and hear my brother's friend ringing the doorbell because he is going to help her choose new car. He's not up! So guess who has to get up, unbound, big ass C cups right out there to let her in out of the cold!! -_- -_- I don't think she knew I was trans either but this just might have ruined it. I was also in my night shirt which, to a younger mind, could look like a nightie. Yay.
Quote from: birkin on February 01, 2014, 10:39:14 AM
What a way to start the day. I wake up and hear my brother's friend ringing the doorbell because he is going to help her choose new car. He's not up! So guess who has to get up, unbound, big ass C cups right out there to let her in out of the cold!! -_- -_- I don't think she knew I was trans either but this just might have ruined it. I was also in my night shirt which, to a younger mind, could look like a nightie. Yay.
It probably won't be a big deal Caleb, we always do that to ourselves! We had an emergency out in front of the house last summer and I went prancing out front in my under pants and cotton tank with the girls flopping up and down for everyone to ogle, I had been enjoying the solitude and privacy of my back yard. Nothing ever came of it, people were in an auto wreck and needed to get out because the car was smoking and the fire department was on the way.
a lady from the lingerie store who was rude and undiscrete, told her things and she wasnt really bothered... so my list of possible adresses for stuff keeps on shrinking, but i rather have 4 adresses who help me than 40 who dont...
Quote from: Shantel on February 01, 2014, 12:20:18 PM
It probably won't be a big deal Caleb, we always do that to ourselves! We had an emergency out in front of the house last summer and I went prancing out front in my under pants and cotton tank with the girls flopping up and down for everyone to ogle, I had been enjoying the solitude and privacy of my back yard. Nothing ever came of it, people were in an auto wreck and needed to get out because the car was smoking and the fire department was on the way.
Hm, I suppose you are right. The night shirt is crazy baggy so maybe they blended in with the scenery. Who knows.
My nephew's mom won't let him watch Spongebob when he's over here. Luckily there's an uncle and grandma that likes to defy her.
She doesn't want him to play gta v either. He's six either so I understand that, especially since he's starting to enjoy shooting cops, but the Spongebob thing is a little bit overboard imo.
I understand the GTA V thing aswell, as for spongebob does she not want him to see how weird grown ups can be?
Not having any irl trans friends is bothering me alot lately, one friend suspects they are but aren't certain and even if they definitely are they don't want to act on it until they are bit more financially secure which I can understand.
Yes, Spongebob is actually the devil trying to get kids to try drugs and be gay. Didn't you know that? LOL
UGH... I'm sick today. I felt it coming on last night, now it's hit me like a hammer blow to the skull. I need a teddy bear, blanket, pillow and a nap now.
I've heard the Spongebob encouraging kids to be gay thing. I don't understand people.. it's a cartoon.
Spongebob is the best show ever, btw! ;D
How would one encourage kids to be gay? Say that it's ok if they are? Why is that a bad thing?
I think it's more because of the crudeness than anything concerning Spongebob. I admit some stuff goes over the top, but a lot of it is really funny.
He's bummed that he can't play GTA V, so he's playing Saints Row 2 since it's technically not GTA V. That way, when his mother asks, he won't be lying. We are so sneaky.
The older episodes have more crudeness I guess you could say. The newer ones seem a lot more "kid-friendly" I guess.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 01, 2014, 04:12:50 PM
The older episodes have more crudeness I guess you could say. The newer ones seem a lot more "kid-friendly" I guess.
You think so? I thought it was kind of reversed.
Remember the old episode where Spongebob and Patrick turn invisible and then when it wears off they're naked in front of everyone? Or the episode when they learn all the swear words? Or the one where they go on the 'Panty raid'?
The older episodes were a lot more crude but I think the older ones are better. They were a lot funnier than the new ones.
My aunt and uncle are a little overprotective of their boys but they've always let them watch Spongebob, despite the crudeness that pops up now and again.
That reminds me of when I was 15 and my teacher (who I had a humongo crush on) recommended "The Lovely Bones" to me. I was so excited to read it and talk to her about it. :embarrassed: My aunt heard about this and told my mom to not let me read the book and to take it away if I had it. Because it wasn't something I could read until 18 because of the rape. I was so sad because the teacher really wanted me to read it. Augh. Although it was far from the reality, I felt so cock-blocked lol.
Ah, yes I can see how those episodes could be seen as perverted. I was thinking of the one semi-later episode where Spongebob gets a splinter and then gets garbage all over it and then his finger swells and blows up. That was a bit crude to me and seemed to be more of a shock factor. I do admit that I think the older Spongebob episodes were the best though.
Or this one later episode where the Flying Dutchman tries to scare Spongebob is pretty frightening to children in this one scene. And the one where Patrick says he never washes his hands or bathes is pretty gross. The crudeness still pops up in the newer ones I've noticed.
Here's a video of subliminal messages in the show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_LAWtXBDb8&feature=youtube_gdata_player (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_LAWtXBDb8&feature=youtube_gdata_player)
No Spongebob? Odd. No Fox News? Now that I agree with.
The Sabres losing 7-1 to the Avalanche. :(
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on February 01, 2014, 02:43:02 PM
Not having any irl trans friends is bothering me alot lately
Keep your hope up. I have met three girls from Susan's in my area. I am going shopping with two of them and one is going to use my therapist. Friends will happen when you least expect it. :) Stay positive baby!
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 01, 2014, 05:16:03 PM
Or this one later episode where the Flying Dutchman tries to scare Spongebob is pretty frightening to children in this one scene. And the one where Patrick says he never washes his hands or bathes is pretty gross. The crudeness still pops up in the newer ones I've noticed.
Here's a video of subliminal messages in the show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_LAWtXBDb8&feature=youtube_gdata_player (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_LAWtXBDb8&feature=youtube_gdata_player)
Lol @ the one where Spongebob was watching something naughty.
Quote from: Malachite on February 01, 2014, 06:56:00 PM
Lol @ the one where Spongebob was watching something naughty.
Lol yeah, I honestly never thought of it like that before.
Many people never understood why my kids weren't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. I had a valid reason. I liked Thundercats but limited viewing of that also.
My unhappy is .... bureaucratic red tape regarding money owed to me but under my old name; and now even with mailing in my court name change papers certified, they need additional documents including a certified copy of my name change which they acknowledge they received.
GGRRRRR!
Quote from: LordKAT on February 01, 2014, 08:46:24 PM
GGRRRRR!
It's obvious to me they have no idea who they are messing with! :o
Sick as a dog.
Had awful nights sleep and spend most of the day failing to sleep. :(
If I feel as bad, no work tomorrow. Have lots to do at work so it will put me behind.
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 02, 2014, 01:44:48 AM
Sick as a dog.
Had awful nights sleep and spend most of the day failing to sleep. :(
If I feel as bad, no work tomorrow. Have lots to do at work so it will put me behind.
Hugs Sis
Sounds like nyquil time. I hope you get some sleep and feel better before work time.
One of those days were I can only see a man in me.
Also, when is the weather going to improve? I'd like to go out, but it has not stopped raining in more than a month.
Knowing this is the week my period is supposed to come on
Quote from: LordKAT on February 01, 2014, 08:46:24 PM
Many people never understood why my kids weren't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. I had a valid reason. I liked Thundercats but limited viewing of that also.
That's interesting. I wasn't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. There were also all those stories of stuffed smurfs killing kids in their sleep. I never looked at my smurf dolls quite the same after that. :laugh:
I need to download a program for my stats class, but it's not working.
It's easier not to think about D when I barely saw him for three weeks. Now I'm going to be seeing him three times a week unless I avoid him to the point of avoiding my friends as well. Either way, it's going to hurt. Not that I can't handle it. I'm just unhappy about it.
Quote from: FA on February 02, 2014, 11:44:33 AM
That's interesting. I wasn't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. There were also all those stories of stuffed smurfs killing kids in their sleep. I never looked at my smurf dolls quite the same after that. :laugh:
My two sons hated the Tele-tubbys, I never said anything to them about it either way, they just thought it was a weird show. My granddaughter hated Barbie Dolls but loved Elmo who went with her everywhere.
i tried to chat with my father over facebook, but judging from his spelling i think he is drunk again. sorry, i'm thinking of stopping contact again.
My period is on.
Gaged my ears to fast and now they hurt and are all gross >:(
My fish Sasuke is dead, i know to many this will seem stupid but i'm sad and i will miss him.
Quote from: Donna Troy on February 03, 2014, 12:20:33 AM
My fish Sasuke is dead, i know to many this will seem stupid but i'm sad and i will miss him.
:icon_hug:
Quote from: FA on February 02, 2014, 11:44:33 AM
That's interesting. I wasn't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. There were also all those stories of stuffed smurfs killing kids in their sleep. I never looked at my smurf dolls quite the same after that. :laugh:
Smurf dolls? and killing kids? I never heard those.
I watched an episode of Smurfs. There was no way my kids were going think it was OK to say "I hate....." to everything and use it as an excuse to not do what you don't like, such as chores or homework. That was the end of the Smurfs.
Quote from: FA on February 02, 2014, 11:44:33 AM
That's interesting. I wasn't allowed to watch the Smurfs either. There were also all those stories of stuffed smurfs killing kids in their sleep. I never looked at my smurf dolls quite the same after that. :laugh:
I had a blanket when I was a kid that was the same color as the Smurfs. I declared it "Genuine Smurfskin".
I feel good, just too weak to go to class today.
Alone, depressed and feeling like crap. Going to the gym and having a routine again would help, but I remember why I stopped going in october: The weather. Since I can't change at the gym, I'd go in shorts from home, but I haven't been able to do it since the cold wave started. I'd have to change there, all the locker space is an open area, and one wrong movement and the tuck will come out.
Also, I still haven't been able to stablish a studying schedule since january. And it won't stop raining.
Quote from: AppleJack on February 03, 2014, 11:08:56 AM
Alone, depressed and feeling like crap. Going to the gym and having a routine again would help, but I remember why I stopped going in october: The weather. Since I can't change at the gym, I'd go in shorts from home, but I haven't been able to do it since the cold wave started. I'd have to change there, all the locker space is an open area, and one wrong movement and the tuck will come out.
Yes, it's raining cats and dogs here too. How about wearing long jogging pants over your shorts just for the journey?
Quote from: Nicolette on February 03, 2014, 11:22:50 AM
Yes, it's raining cats and dogs here too. How about wearing long jogging pants over your shorts just for the journey?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FhtnK7HG.jpg&hash=4d054b72ea620212771bf93371b31a8e149f0c10)
I've had them since my first laser removal session on the legs (the two weeks without shaving)... Still, The top part... I don't have anything sport like, jus my formal and informal coats, and I don't want to soak them with sweat when I come back... I would need a hotter sports sweater but... Money. Also, I don't know if I can find the courage to enter the women's locker again. I'd go in the mornings hoping to be with less people than in the evenings... I've always been scared of being spotted.
Quote from: Donna Troy on February 03, 2014, 12:20:33 AM
My fish Sasuke is dead, i know to many this will seem stupid but i'm sad and i will miss him.
Did you give him a proper send off?
I have a headache, I am having trouble downloading a program I need for Stats, and my internet wouldn't work at school today.
I am also very dysphoric.
There was a public talk on trans* issues tonight. There were a bunch of questions that the speaker couldn't answer. I really wanted to jump up and answer for her, but I would have been outing myself in the process. :-\
I'm really close to no longer caring.
I finished Ugly Betty today. I had watched it back in 2012 but it hadn't sunk in...this time, I am truly sad to see it go.
So I'm going to watch the whole series again!!
That I feel I wasted 20 year of my life, all because of a church.
And that I really miss high school.
My wife and I planned a vacation for our 20th anniversary that mirrors what we did for our honeymoon, but this time with a proper budget and two more breasts.
For the last couple of days, we decided to book a nice hotel in Santa Barbara so we could soak up the sea air, do wine tasting and generally Jillax.
Turns out my wife's law firm just booked THE SAME HOTEL ON THE SAME NIGHTS for their annual retreat and we're expected to participate in that nonsense instead of having fun.
What a kick in the head.
Quote from: Jill F on February 04, 2014, 11:27:43 AM
My wife and I planned a vacation for our 20th anniversary that mirrors what we did for our honeymoon, but this time with a proper budget and two more breasts.
For the last couple of days, we decided to book a nice hotel in Santa Barbara so we could soak up the sea air, do wine tasting and generally Jillax.
Turns out my wife's law firm just booked THE SAME HOTEL ON THE SAME NIGHTS for their annual retreat and we're expected to participate in that nonsense instead of having fun.
What a kick in the head.
But your are Jill! I know you will find a way somehow. You are one of my idols! ;)
Pains in my hips,knees and feet.
When people closest to me turn their backs on me :(
Feel unhappy today for various confusing reasons.
My butt is sore and i cant find a good position to sit in.
It is very cold outside...they're warning people to not go out. There's stuff I want to do! -_- There is a shepherd's pie I've been wanting to make for weeks so I want to go to the store.
Starting to feel a little tired lately. I scheduled myself three part days off the next few days though, so hopefully, it'll help. I'm just ready for a few days of not going to work, not being called or even thinking about it, but that ain't happening for at least another month or more. I wanna be a vegetable!!
Quote from: gray otter on February 04, 2014, 03:38:07 PM
Starting to feel a little tired lately. I scheduled myself three part days off the next few days though, so hopefully, it'll help. I'm just ready for a few days of not going to work, not being called or even thinking about it, but that ain't happening for at least another month or more. I wanna be a vegetable!!
Even though you don't like vegetables I know what you mean hon. ((hugs)) you are a real trooper!
Quote from: Emo on February 04, 2014, 03:33:12 PM
My butt is sore and i cant find a good position to sit in.
Here, have a cushion.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fserver1.discoversouthwestnm.com%2Fimages%2Fwww.redcmarketing.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F11%2FWoolworths-cushion.jpeg&hash=95083c4a187b4f625063ae596634ae4a8d473440)
Quote from: Malachite on February 04, 2014, 03:01:25 PM
When people closest to me turn their backs on me :(
That is a big bummer. I hope you know that some people here feel close to you and haven't turned on you.
Quote from: gray otter on February 04, 2014, 03:38:07 PM
Starting to feel a little tired lately. I scheduled myself three part days off the next few days though, so hopefully, it'll help. I'm just ready for a few days of not going to work, not being called or even thinking about it, but that ain't happening for at least another month or more. I wanna be a vegetable!!
Veg et ables, Yumm! I'll purr you to sleep first.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 04, 2014, 06:40:00 PM
That is a big bummer. I hope you know that some people here feel close to you and haven't turned on you.
Right on!
Thanks LordKAT and Shan. I sure hope so.
Quote from: Malachite on February 04, 2014, 03:01:25 PM
When people closest to me turn their backs on me :(
I know the feeling :'(
Hugs
I hate my bachelor's degree. At the time, I didn't really care about being a man with a women's studies degree, but now I just feel embarrassed about it. When I have my Master's I can gloss over that fact a little, since it's in Communications, but this sucks some heavy balls.
No energy to go to class again.
Fortunately there's an hour to change that, if I gain some energy.
Quote from: birkin on February 04, 2014, 09:25:13 PM
I hate my bachelor's degree. At the time, I didn't really care about being a man with a women's studies degree, but now I just feel embarrassed about it. When I have my Master's I can gloss over that fact a little, since it's in Communications, but this sucks some heavy balls.
Waaa Haa ha! :D :laugh: :laugh: Suffice it to say that there in fact are a few men who do take women's studies from what I've been told.
a girl i used to talk to a lot from school has MS. She's younger than me. I think they're keeping it a secret from the others. I accidentally found out. I am going to keep quiet about this.
I got distracted while studying and lost far too much time. And tomorrow I need to be out in the morning so I will lose even more time...
Quote from: Shantel on February 05, 2014, 09:52:07 AM
Waaa Haa ha! :D :laugh: :laugh: Suffice it to say that there in fact are a few men who do take women's studies from what I've been told.
Oh yeah, they're around. Some of the people who head women's studies departments are actually men, men that I presume are cisgendered.
Seriously, enough with the snow. It's been snowing constantly where I live and it's driving me insane. To top it all off, we are supposed to be getting a huge blizzard this weekend which is right in time for my birthday. And all this shoveling is really showing me how much weaker I'm getting with hormones. I've never been strong in any way, but now even picking up snow is becoming a challenge; although, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to shovel and deal with horrible driving conditions almost everyday. Enough. Sorry just had to bitch about this somewhere.
My dad makes me so angry. Apparently he said to my brother "yeah, Caleb isn't applying for any jobs."
How the hell does he even know? First of all, the jobs I have been applying for, that HE suggested, he himself said take like 6 weeks to get back to anyone. Second, maybe part of the reason I'm not getting calls back yet is because my dad wanted me to go on a trip with him next week to Las Vegas. So when do I put my start date? AFTER THE TRIP because I can't well ask for a week off right when I start a job, now can I?
I only agreed to go to Vegas with him out of guilt, because he kept saying he wanted to take me on a trip and I kept saying no because we have a really bad relationship. And this is part of the reason why. He's so pathetic he feels a need to make stuff up about his own kid. Now it'd be another thing to inquire as to whether or not my brother knew I was applying to jobs. But no. He assumes the worst and then goes spreading lies. I knew the trip was a mistake. All I did was make life just that little extra harder for myself because I didn't want to risk hurting his feelings by saying no again.
Stuff like this just reminds me why I hate him. This is just one lie of many. He lies to his kids, his wife, his coworkers, anyone who will listen. I don't even know who my dad is because I've never been able to separate the truth from the lies.
*sigh* Oh well, this will make moving all the more sweet. All I have to do is finish my degree and then get my finances in order. My brother moved in a fit of rage at dad, lol, and never even told dad he was leaving. Just took all his stuff in the middle of the night and stopped calling. I am tempted to follow suit.
Sometimes, I am tempted to drop my degree so I have nothing holding me back, but that's a bad idea considering I am SO close to being done that it would be a total shame and a waste.
Sometimes, I am tempted to drop my degree so I have nothing holding me back, but that's a bad idea considering I am SO close to being done that it would be a total shame and a waste.
[/quote]
Don't do that, bite the bullet and stick it out, you can cut and run afterward. Sorry you're dad is so lacking in character, don't let his shortcomings derail you.
Sooooo sick of body hair. Can't stand it. Just shaved damn near my entire body today, and its already back. And then there's my back, that I can't reach.
Laser on everything won't work, most of it, ourside the chest, pubic area, legs, and forearms are too light. But I want it all gone. NOW! It's so gross and nasty.
Quote from: Shantel on February 05, 2014, 05:47:08 PM
Don't do that, bite the bullet and stick it out, you can cut and run afterward. Sorry you're dad is so lacking in character, don't let his shortcomings derail you.
You're right. I just can't finish this thing soon enough!
Quote from: birkin on February 05, 2014, 06:08:06 PM
You're right. I just can't finish this thing soon enough!
Hang in there hon! ((hugs))
It seems there are more jobs suited for me in Indiana than here....that being said, a few require some writing and journalism experience in addition to the degree. That is something I do not have.
I barely saw D. I also feel particularly emotional today. I'm pathetic.
I think my PS2 is messing up because on Sunday my sister spilled a little bit of soda on it. -_-
I wish I could be tall and have longer hair without looking like a girl. Instead, I'm short and look like a girl.
I deleted my "looking back" Facebook video and regret it. :(
Quote from: birkin on February 04, 2014, 09:25:13 PM
I hate my bachelor's degree. At the time, I didn't really care about being a man with a women's studies degree, but now I just feel embarrassed about it. When I have my Master's I can gloss over that fact a little, since it's in Communications, but this sucks some heavy balls.
I wouldn't worry about it. If it really bothers you, perhaps you could look into other majors you may have nearly qualified for. I'm assuming that Cultural Studies would have had a significant overlap?
Quote from: Edge on February 05, 2014, 09:42:34 PM
I wish I could be tall and have longer hair without looking like a girl. Instead, I'm short and look like a girl.
a) I didn't think you looked like a girl in the photo you posted in Show Yourself.
b) I've presented male for 32 years... and I'm short. Really short.
Quote from: Gwynne on February 05, 2014, 10:49:42 PM
a) I didn't think you looked like a girl in the photo you posted in Show Yourself.
Thanks, but I barely ever pass in real life. Even when I've introduced myself as Victor, I still get called "she" repeatedly.
Quote from: Edge on February 05, 2014, 11:00:38 PMThanks, but I barely ever pass in real life. Even when I've introduced myself as Victor, I still get called "she" repeatedly.
I get he with Willow sometimes, like when it was on a form I filled out and gave to someone >.>
Quote from: Gwynne on February 05, 2014, 10:48:30 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. If it really bothers you, perhaps you could look into other majors you may have nearly qualified for. I'm assuming that Cultural Studies would have had a significant overlap?
Oh wow! That's actually so smart! I should have thought of that. I almost qualify for Psychology...I took a lot of Psych options. And I have all my intercultural requirements completed. I think, if I wanted to, all I'd have to do is take those courses and then apply for the undergrad degree.
According to Web MD, my stomach issues are menstrual cramps. It feels like morning sickness almost.
Quote from: Edge on February 05, 2014, 11:00:38 PM
Quote from: Gwynne on February 05, 2014, 10:49:42 PM
a) I didn't think you looked like a girl in the photo you posted in Show Yourself.
Thanks, but I barely ever pass in real life. Even when I've introduced myself as Victor, I still get called "she" repeatedly.
yeah you looked male to me too. How long have you been on T? Sometimes it just takes awhile.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-26064849
I have 1 mm of facial hair and I shaved this morning, so the unkillable hair has already recovered from the last laser sesion.
Fudge it, tomorrow or monday I'm booking an electro session.
Talking about food shouldn't get so touchy. It kills me to hear her be stubborn about it and there's nothing I can say or do.
This will make me unhappy tomorrow...
I'm having a karyotype test tomorrow (I'd love to have some intersex traits, but despite my poor body and facial hair, I doubt they will find anything). What I don't find so funny is having to get up at 06:30. I'm still working on getting up at 07:30 (07:45 is my current time), and I will be wasting a perfectly fine morning that would be better spent in studying.
Damn.
Quote from: FA on February 06, 2014, 08:31:07 AM
Thanks, but I barely ever pass in real life. Even when I've introduced myself as Victor, I still get called "she" repeatedly.
yeah you looked male to me too. How long have you been on T? Sometimes it just takes awhile.
3 months and four weeks.
It has been really hard the past few weeks and I wish I could talk to my friends (the ones who see in real life) about it without the risk of being hated.
It's OK Victor, that used to be how things were for me. Male name, female pronouns...even when others used "he" people used "she." -_- It will change even if it seems to take a while.
the last few times i have gone anywhere outside of school and home there seems to be at least one girl who looks exactly like i wish i did, i have to keep myself from just breaking down then and there, as my stupid brain tells me i'll never look that good, that i'll be just a poor imitation...
I hate that it takes so much effort for me to be happy.
Feeling my uname...
Woke up with a bad stomach :P Already threw up so I'm just sitting here shivering awhile until I think I can go back to bed
Seriously, the german school system. Democratic my 4ss. I can work my ass off and get good grades, have everything needed to qualify for my a-levels and the teachers REFUSE to allow to take my a-levels because of my aspergers. Oh, they'll get into trouble for this.
Quote from: V M on February 07, 2014, 05:10:39 AM
Woke up with a bad stomach :P Already threw up so I'm just sitting here shivering awhile until I think I can go back to bed
Poor girl! ((Hugs))
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on February 07, 2014, 06:00:40 AM
Seriously, the german school system. Democratic my 4ss. I can work my ass off and get good grades, have everything needed to qualify for my a-levels and the teachers REFUSE to allow to take my a-levels because of my aspergers. Oh, they'll get into trouble for this.
Things like this just piss me off. There are so many competent young people in the world that are being spat out by faulty schoolsystems.... Grr
My father was supposed to take me to get blood work done over an hour ago....
I'm getting irritated. I'm hungry and want to be able to eat already.
Quote from: NathanielM on February 07, 2014, 10:33:15 AM
Things like this just piss me off. There are so many competent young people in the world that are being spat out by faulty schoolsystems.... Grr
this is illegal. i hope they get fired. they don't have the right to do this, but most people don't care.
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on February 07, 2014, 11:27:58 AM
this is illegal. i hope they get fired. they don't have the right to do this, but most people don't care.
I hate people who say "play their game." Its not a game but my very future in life, people messing with grades and limiting you mess with you forever and get away with it, mostly since no one cares enough to take action cause the people making the choices arent affected by their choices and want the easy less then acceptable solution, because who cares? No one in power.
I just saw a picture of a larval infection in the breast. I almost fainted.
I'm not sexy, over 6 feet tall with a masculine voice and able to rock an open-buttoned shirt.
Quote from: Malachite on February 07, 2014, 04:56:08 PM
I'm not sexy, over 6 feet tall with a masculine voice and able to rock an open-buttoned shirt.
That I'm not either makes me unhappy.
For once, I would like to see more references to bi guys or gay guys that aren't queens instead of the stereotypical caricature that seems to be everywhere.
I'm very, very hurt.
Quote from: Willow on February 07, 2014, 05:51:21 PM
I'm very, very hurt.
What's wrong Willow?
*Hugs*
You can pm me if you want but don't have to. :)
Triggering stuff and sleep issues
I HATE it when people doubt me about myself. It makes me want to rip their arms off.
"The English cast the classic Sailor Moon Series reunite for the first time in U.S."
This is happening at Anime Expo this year....and I'm not going.
I could cry....
Also, the lab didn't email me my results from the blood test like they said they were.
And Our library had an "Anime Day" where you could dress up in costumes....it was on the first of this month. To be fair I think it was more for teens and kids but I don't care.
I wanted to use a piece I wrote last year to contribute to my thesis. And well, it's crap! -_- I knew nothing about nothing lmao. Reading it, I see how ill-informed I was about the background of my thesis and I was just talking out of my butt. That means I will basically have to redo a bunch of work rather than rely on my past notes to get this done because, well, I'm an idiot.
In fairness to me, I was just starting hormones and a lot of s* had gone down so I was an emotional wreck. Unsurprising that I couldn't dedicate a lot of my energy towards doing a good job. But now it makes me wonder if the stuff I am writing now is crap too!
I'm embarrassed because my sketch was actually shared with my classmates as an "example." Really? That was the best example they had? I weep for our world.
so today was the day that i came out to my grand children, my oldest and i have been like brothers his whole life 12 years we spent most of the morning crying, holding hands and hugging, it was the worst moment in my life since deciding to live. and in some ways the best not sure i will ever be at peace with how this will affect him, the other 2 seamed oblivious to a conversation taking place so not sure there either. i have been several hours in tears and do not know what is next for me anyways no matter what happens you are all doing good do not stop for any thing some days we lose is all
bye
Jerri
People with bad breath.
OMG right... ever since I quit smoking I can smell everything and ppl need to brush more and use deodorant :P
Seeing how happy my ex is without me. :(
Ive had a headache since i woke up..
Downstairs is being really frustrating, getting in the way and all.
Everything.
Hugs*
Insurance decided to not cover my last visit to the school psychiatrist back in December. I now owe $164. If I can't get dad to pay it, and my check from the government comes in time, I'll have less than $1 left in my bank account after paying it.
Quote from: Willow on February 10, 2014, 05:23:45 PM
Insurance decided to not cover my last visit to the school psychiatrist back in December. I now owe $164. If I can't get dad to pay it, and my check from the government comes in time, I'll have less than $1 left in my bank account after paying it.
Id send you a little but im nearly broke myself. Im sorry.
I ordered some pants online in december (I live in a town with not many good stores) and they still haven't arrived. They're probably not ever going to arrive and the person who is supposed to be sending them is being difficult.
Quote from: Edge on February 10, 2014, 05:43:35 PM
I ordered some pants online in december (I live in a town with not many good stores) and they still haven't arrived. They're probably not ever going to arrive and the person who is supposed to be sending them is being difficult.
Tell them that it's not advisable to piss off a Viking or you'll be bringing your friends to see what's in their wallet! >:-)
Quote from: Shantel on February 10, 2014, 05:50:22 PM
Tell them that it's not advisable to piss off a Viking or you'll be bringing your friends to see what's in their wallet! >:-)
I would, but I don't know where they live.
I feel so lonely, i wish i had someone with me...it's just so ugh, bad.
Quote from: Donna Troy on February 11, 2014, 01:03:34 AM
I feel so lonely, i wish i had someone with me...it's just so ugh, bad.
Hugs*
I know your feels.
Quote from: Donna Troy on February 11, 2014, 01:03:34 AM
I feel so lonely, i wish i had someone with me...it's just so ugh, bad.
I feel the same way to be honest.
I'm here, I'm not much, but I can hug :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Thanks Cindy.
I am just sick and tired of feeling this way.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on February 11, 2014, 02:58:40 AM
Thanks Cindy.
I am just sick and tired of feeling this way.
I know honey.
I feel like I'm being dishonest by not exploring my feelings openly with my wife, but I can't bring my self to tell her explicitly that I've gone from vague gender issues to "I'm a woman and I want my body to match that more"
Shirley Temple, iconic child star, dies at 85
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Shirley Temple, the dimpled, curly-haired child star who sang, danced, sobbed and grinned her way into the hearts of Depression-era moviegoers, has died, according to publicist Cheryl Kagan. She was 85.
Temple, known in private life as Shirley Temple Black, died Monday night at about 11 p.m. at her home near San Francisco. She was surrounded by family members and caregivers, Kagan said.
"We salute her for a life of remarkable achievements as an actor, as a diplomat, and most importantly as our beloved mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and adored wife for fifty-five years of the late and much missed Charles Alden Black," a family statement said
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fl1.yimg.com%2Fbt%2Fapi%2Fres%2F1.2%2FE6TZbkTKNqUa1nFNt8XS2Q--%2FYXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9ZmlsbDtoPTEyMzg7cHlvZmY9MDtxPTc1O3c9OTYw%2Fhttp%3A%2F%2Fmedia.zenfs.com%2Fen_us%2FNews%2Fap_webfeeds%2F13eb7b98ec6882054b0f6a706700af7d.jpg&hash=7959169d5616cbebabed8224845c3cd34c5063e4)
I like my friend and he's actually pretty informative and understand of trans issues usually, but...
Yesterday, we were talking about vikings and another guy told me I should have lived back then. I told him I probably wouldn't have done very well back then (due to the trans thing, but I left that implied). S spoke up and said that female-bodied people were allowed to be warriors back then. He seemed to understand when I pointed out that a shield maiden is still a maiden and I am not a maiden.
I'm not sure if I should be worried or not since in the same conversation, he explained to the other guy that being trans is a medical condition caused by how the brain develops, but for some reason, this still bugs me.
Quote from: Donna Troy on February 11, 2014, 01:03:34 AMI feel so lonely, i wish i had someone with me...it's just so ugh, bad.
I can relate, I think I'm falling in love a third time, with the guy who used my spare bed last night, but he's more into guys :/
All three times it's been one sided. *sigh*
Quote from: Willow on February 11, 2014, 10:55:48 AM
I can relate, I think I'm falling in love a third time, with the guy who used my spare bed last night, but he's more into guys :/
All three times it's been one sided. *sigh*
Me too except the guy I like too much is straight.
Last time I fell in love though, he was with an abusive alcoholic.
I'm realizing my male ego is completely blocking me from finding out if I can get any relief for my dysphoria
I only had one hoodie...and someone put it in the dryer even though I've asked people not to touch my laundry and I do it when no one is using the machines. It shrank, and you can see my hairy butt/lower back. -_- I don't have the money to buy a new sweater either, so I pretty much have no long-sleeved shirts now.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 02:52:32 PMI only had one hoodie...and someone put it in the dryer even though I've asked people not to touch my laundry and I do it when no one is using the machines. It shrank, and you can see my hairy butt/lower back. -_- I don't have the money to buy a new sweater either, so I pretty much have no long-sleeved shirts now.
I'd send you the two dude sweatshirts I have.
Found out that the doctor I'm supposed to see for hormones neither accepts my insurance nor new patients. Strike 2, I've only got one left.
My mom made me sad by asking about an old friend of mine I'm trying to forget. I know she didn't mean to, but it still....
Quote from: Willow on February 11, 2014, 03:36:56 PM
I'd send you the two dude sweatshirts I have.
Found out that the doctor I'm supposed to see for hormones neither accepts my insurance nor new patients. Strike 2, I've only got one left.
PM'd you. Also, I really hope the last Dr. works out. :( You deserve a break from all the crap you've had to put up with.
I'm also unhappy that every now and again my ex cares to remind me of how much I upset her during our relationship (which ended three years ago...). She doesn't fully trust me. We've gotten to a point where we can talk and watch shows together every week or so, which took ages, but every now and again something I do reminds her of stuff she doesn't want to remember. It's pretty hurtful, because I have changed a lot. She acts like she still knows me. In some ways she does, but I made the comment to her yesterday that she only sees me once every couple of weeks and actually has no idea what is going on with me in my life...and she just got upset and said that it didn't even matter because we aren't in a relationship, so why should she know all about my life? And then I asked her what was bothering her, and she said she didn't care enough to explain and left.
My brother thinks it means she's not actually over me. I don't think that's true, because she's had a crush for over a year on someone else now, but whether or not she's over me isn't really my concern. I just worry that I'll mess up future relationships in the same way I messed up the last one. But, there's a lot of evidence to suggest that isn't true.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 04:09:01 PMPM'd you. Also, I really hope the last Dr. works out. :( You deserve a break from all the crap you've had to put up with.
Just searched for them on the Tricare directory; they're not on there in-network or out-network. None of the three doctors I could see that aren't gatekeepers are.
Help, I'm lost and scared, and I don't know what to do :'(
Maybe you'd have better luck with some other gatekeeper doctors (since your post kind of implied you're only looking for ones that aren't)? I mean, just because the one you dealt with on campus was difficult, doesn't mean other gatekeepers would be quite as strict. Assuming insurance would cover some of them anyway...
*hug* Don't give up. Even if it takes longer than you'd like to find it, there's an option out there for you somewhere.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 04:09:01 PM
I'm also unhappy that every now and again my ex cares to remind me of how much I upset her during our relationship (which ended three years ago...).
:eusa_eh:
Just had a truly horrid dream about being burned at the stake for being a witch in a small village somewhere in Eastern Europe. Woke up in floods of tears and with a monumental headache.
Ugh.
Quote from: Sephirah on February 11, 2014, 04:34:14 PM
Just had a truly horrid dream about being burned at the stake for being a witch in a small village somewhere in Eastern Europe. Woke up in floods of tears and with a monumental headache.
Ugh.
sounds like an awesome experience though
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 04:18:51 PMMaybe you'd have better luck with some other gatekeeper doctors (since your post kind of implied you're only looking for ones that aren't)? I mean, just because the one you dealt with on campus was difficult, doesn't mean other gatekeepers would be quite as strict. Assuming insurance would cover some of them anyway...
*hug* Don't give up. Even if it takes longer than you'd like to find it, there's an option out there for you somewhere.
There are four doctors in the area authorised to prescribe hormones. Three don't take my insurance. The one on campus is gatekeeping. Howard Brown doesn't take my insurance and their sliding scale is useless because I have a high family income. Maybe I should quickly transfer to UBE in Argentina.
Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 04:24:23 PM
:eusa_eh:
I know, right? I'm over it. I know she was angry and hurt, but she hasn't let go of the entire grudge. Which is kind of a piss off because she was with a girl for three years who, imo, was worse than me - yelled, screamed, ordered her around, belittled her, and they're just BFFs. -_-
Quote from: Willow on February 11, 2014, 04:43:50 PM
There are four doctors in the area authorised to prescribe hormones. Three don't take my insurance. The one on campus is gatekeeping. Howard Brown doesn't take my insurance and their sliding scale is useless because I have a high family income. Maybe I should quickly transfer to UBE in Argentina.
Oh, I thought you meant there were others but you wanted to avoid them because of gatekeeping...well that blows. -_- If you haven't done it already, maybe talk to Howard Brown about the sliding scale issue? I mean, obviously they use family income as a starting point, but you could explain to a staff member on the phone that you're living on your own as a student and your family only pays certain expenses? It might be a bit of a long shot, but they may be willing to make an exception.
Actually, I thought of you earlier, I was playing Pokemon before dinner and as I was beating one Gym Leader's last Pokemon he said this:
"Willow is my middle name. Willow is flexible and not easily broken. I'm not giving up yet."Quote from: Liam Erik on February 11, 2014, 05:44:11 PM
Another humiliating experience in anxiety crap. People keep telling me if I just do it, it'll be easier next time, until it's not a problem anymore. While I'm not saying that wouldn't work for my current issues, because the goals this time are healthy, harmless, and doable, 'next time will be easier' was also exactly the same theory I operated on for a long time in order to keep going back in my closeted days, when the humiliation mind game tango was sending me screaming to the nuthouse in the first place. When you keep doing something that traumatizes you more every time, it doesn't get easier, it gets f***ing worse.
I'm sorry Liam :( My anxiety is exactly the same. With some (well, many, heh) things, no matter how many times I do them, they don't get easier. I don't really have much advice, I usually just keep doing them no matter how much it sucks because I'm scared to get stuck in my head over it. Why were you humiliated?
Quote from: Liam Erik on February 11, 2014, 05:44:11 PM
Another humiliating experience in anxiety crap. People keep telling me if I just do it, it'll be easier next time, until it's not a problem anymore. While I'm not saying that wouldn't work for my current issues, because the goals this time are healthy, harmless, and doable, 'next time will be easier' was also exactly the same theory I operated on for a long time in order to keep going back in my closeted days, when the humiliation mind game tango was sending me screaming to the nuthouse in the first place. When you keep doing something that traumatizes you more every time, it doesn't get easier, it gets f***ing worse.
Wow I think I can relate. Is it social anxiety?
I'm crazy shy, and have been making enormous efforts to go out of my comfort zone since high school, because every one says just that: "it'll be easier next time."
Welp, I'm 28 now and it has gotten infinitely worse. Its to the point where a trip to the bar with some work buddies leaves me shut in my apartment questioning every word I said and every look I got for the next couple of weeks. Each embarrassing social interaction becomes a movie I replay in my mind over and over and over...
Your last sentence especially resonated with me. I don't have any advice or anything, just wanted to commiserate. Hang in there.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 08:27:35 PMOh, I thought you meant there were others but you wanted to avoid them because of gatekeeping...well that blows. -_- If you haven't done it already, maybe talk to Howard Brown about the sliding scale issue? I mean, obviously they use family income as a starting point, but you could explain to a staff member on the phone that you're living on your own as a student and your family only pays certain expenses? It might be a bit of a long shot, but they may be willing to make an exception.
Actually, I thought of you earlier, I was playing Pokemon before dinner and as I was beating one Gym Leader's last Pokemon he said this:
"Willow is my middle name. Willow is flexible and not easily broken. I'm not giving up yet."
I'll try, but usually I don't like messing with established protocols. But since it's desperation time, I'm willing to sacrifice some moralistic values.
That was Gold/Silver/Crystal/HeartGold/SoulSilver, right?
Quote from: Willow on February 11, 2014, 09:07:21 PM
I'll try, but usually I don't like messing with established protocols. But since it's desperation time, I'm willing to sacrifice some moralistic values.
I understand, I'm the same, but in this case, you truly don't have your parents' financial support, at least on this. And I remember you saying that you can't even afford shaving cream or conditioner a while back. It's not like you're asking for a lower price just for the sake of paying less, you're asking because you otherwise couldn't afford to get the help you need.
Yes! It was SoulSilver I was playing. ;D
I have a persitant dry cough.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 09:54:24 PMI understand, I'm the same, but in this case, you truly don't have your parents' financial support, at least on this. And I remember you saying that you can't even afford shaving cream or conditioner a while back. It's not like you're asking for a lower price just for the sake of paying less, you're asking because you otherwise couldn't afford to get the help you need.
Yes! It was SoulSilver I was playing. ;D
Dad sent me money to reimburse for the textbooks a while back. And then I was almost broke, and just got my tax check today. Dad has offered to help me with my surgeries though, that was really nice of him. I don't really want to overstep my bounds with him, he's already giving me a lot of money for school.
I bought it but never played much of it. I do remember that one though.
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2014, 08:27:35 PM
I know, right? I'm over it. I know she was angry and hurt, but she hasn't let go of the entire grudge. Which is kind of a piss off because she was with a girl for three years who, imo, was worse than me - yelled, screamed, ordered her around, belittled her, and they're just BFFs. -_-
I've got to admit, I've still got a grudge against my ex (sorry, but I don't take kindly to abuse), but I don't spend time with him and we act friendly on the occasions we do have to interact.
Quote from: Liam Erik on February 11, 2014, 10:28:29 PM
The telephone is my old nemesis.
Mine too. I hate using it.
Quote from: Liam Erik on February 11, 2014, 05:44:11 PM
When you keep doing something that traumatizes you more every time, it doesn't get easier, it gets f***ing worse.
I know right? And then people are all confused as to why this traumatizing thing still has you traumatized. I mean, I can understand not wanting to let fear rule a person, but some understanding would be nice.
I can't seem to comment on Youtube and the one place online where there may be answers to this, I can't fully vie because I have IE 8 and though it's dated, I refuse to upgrade until have to.
Several beers and 2 bottles of red wine consumed and I still can't get to sleep...................................................... >:-)
Quote from: megants on February 12, 2014, 06:43:33 AM
Several beers and 2 bottles of red wine consumed and I still can't get to sleep...................................................... >:-)
Uh - done that! It's the sugar in the wine that's keeping you awake, then there is the diuretic effect and having to get up to pee several times during the night.
Could this site be any more obvious? I just had a mini panic attack cause I thought someone saw its name, which takes up half my screen every time I click something.
Should have taken that AA's advice to drop all my classes and get a refund. My attendance rate is less than 70%, and it's only going to get worse if my personal situation doesn't change.
And now it's too late to drop without losing your money, something my dad would be furious about.
I should call him later today and ask for help.
Quote from: Xhianil on February 12, 2014, 12:58:28 PM
Could this site be any more obvious? I just had a mini panic attack cause I thought someone saw its name, which takes up half my screen every time I click something.
Haha, I know right? that has totally happened to me so many times. I've taken to not opening it in public places, even if no one seems to be around, or on my phone or anything.
Quote from: Willow on February 12, 2014, 01:02:24 PM
Should have taken that AA's advice to drop all my classes and get a refund. My attendance rate is less than 70%, and it's only going to get worse if my personal situation doesn't change.
And now it's too late to drop without losing your money, something my dad would be furious about.
I should call him later today and ask for help.
Maybe ask your dad if there's a chance you could take a year off, if he'd still be willing to help fund your education. I'd emphasize the fact that while you really care about your education, you feel like there is so much going on right now, and taking a year off to get the ball rolling on your transition and any other goals would allow you to go back to university with less on your plate and more focus.
Little known fact about me, I dropped out of my first year of university and planned to never go back. I lost the cash (less in Canada than the US, but still), and my transcript has a whole year's worth of "Withdraws." I went back after not too long, with a new attitude towards my education, and the W's were always easily explained away. I was told when applying for my Master's that they don't hold one bad year against you, especially the first year, because many people have something like that on their record - as long as you show improvement and do (hopefully!) stellar in the last 2 years, very few people would ever hold a bad first year against you.
Quote from: birkin on February 12, 2014, 05:15:53 PMMaybe ask your dad if there's a chance you could take a year off, if he'd still be willing to help fund your education. I'd emphasize the fact that while you really care about your education, you feel like there is so much going on right now, and taking a year off to get the ball rolling on your transition and any other goals would allow you to go back to university with less on your plate and more focus.
Little known fact about me, I dropped out of my first year of university and planned to never go back. I lost the cash (less in Canada than the US, but still), and my transcript has a whole year's worth of "Withdraws." I went back after not too long, with a new attitude towards my education, and the W's were always easily explained away. I was told when applying for my Master's that they don't hold one bad year against you, especially the first year, because many people have something like that on their record - as long as you show improvement and do (hopefully!) stellar in the last 2 years, very few people would ever hold a bad first year against you.
I just don't know what to do in that year, just sit around and do nothing? That certainly won't be allowed. No, he wants me to be here and graduate in three years, which was already cutting it close in the first place (would have to take on average 14 credits per semester, and only earning 6 last semestre landed me with needing to average 16 per semester) and that leaves no time to take off.
And if I continue to do this badly, I'll fail this semestre too, meaning I'm kicked out of the university, making it extremely difficult to get into anything but a community college, and I don't want to insult what I should have with that. I can afford to be at a university, I have an IQ through the roof, there's absolutely no logical reason my grades should be suffering. I'm too proud of what I think I should have to be treated like the idiot I really am.
I don't even really want to be here. I want a career, but don't see myself able to put in the work. I'd prefer to live my own way, mostly by travelling.
I might be evicted.
Quote from: megants on February 12, 2014, 06:43:33 AM
Several beers and 2 bottles of red wine consumed and I still can't get to sleep...................................................... >:-)
This should be in the 'what made you happy' section, but anyway I finally got to sleep and upon waking I didn't even have a hangover, maybe I'm still under the influence. :).
I can't find my blue PS3 controller or one of my sister's food container. This is going to become very problematic for me in the near future.
I got my haircut, but she shaved off my sideburns! I realize they were only a week or so in to growing, but now I can't help but wonder if she thought "omg this woman has facial hair, must remove." I mean, why else would she??
I don't know why this upset me so much. I guess I was already feeling hugely dysphoric, and then I had my sideburns removed as if they didn't belong.
Quote from: birkin on February 12, 2014, 08:18:01 PM
I got my haircut, but she shaved off my sideburns! I realize they were only a week or so in to growing, but now I can't help but wonder if she thought "omg this woman has facial hair, must remove." I mean, why else would she??
I don't know why this upset me so much. I guess I was already feeling hugely dysphoric, and then I had my sideburns removed as if they didn't belong.
Were you at a barber shop or a salon? Either way you have to be specific about what you want and don't want, not all of them are the brightest bulbs on the tree and they'll just assume rather than make the effort to ask.
It was a "salon", but it was just Great Clips...more men I know go there instead of the barber shop. I just didn't even think I'd have to say "yes, leave my facial hair please." I mean it's a haircut, not a shave, lol.
Quote from: Qwynne on February 12, 2014, 09:27:42 PM
not good :(
what's going on?
Not entirely sure. We currently have a rodent infestation, but all I know is that when the exterminators came, they asked me if I had a pet. (I don't.) Next thing I know I'm getting a letter saying my place is going to be inspected, I'll be evicted if I don't pass it, and to do things I already do. Since I already do these things, I'm not sure what they want from me.
What's your read on the landlord?
Ethical or slumlord? :-\
Quote from: Qwynne on February 12, 2014, 09:59:32 PM
What's your read on the landlord?
Ethical or slumlord? :-\
My read on my landlord was ethical. My lead on the exterminators, not so much.
Quote from: Edge on February 12, 2014, 10:12:17 PM
My read on my landlord was ethical. My lead on the exterminators, not so much.
Maybe the letter is a generic warning? :-\
Eviction seems pretty severe for a generic warning especially since I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to have done.
Quote from: Edge on February 12, 2014, 10:24:03 PM
Eviction seems pretty severe for a generic warning especially since I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to have done.
I agree. The whole thing sounds completely out of line. :-\
Have rents in the city spiked recently? When rents in Saskatoon shot up, people were getting evicted left, right, and centre for specious reasons so that landlords could jack the rent on the next tenant.
I doubt it. Many of the people in this city are broke.
A friend who used to live there was trying to convince me to move my family there. She was singing it's praises. :-\
Of Saint John? I wouldn't recommend moving here. There are no jobs, no culture, it's polluted, and all together a crappy place to live.
Just doing a little venting. I HATE fraking being tall (5'11") really love Ralph Lauren but a lot of the choices I want I can't have :(
I can't resolve the pseudo out status of me to my wife and it's brought me to a breaking point.
I think I'm finally cracking.
Way to start off the day, with a hellacious morning. -_- Missed the bus, for one. For another, I am in major caffeine withdrawal and I have actual headaches and grrr.
My dysphoria brain is also being relentless. If I had been only slightly less stable, I'd have punched the mirror and hurt myself in the process. I HATE being trans. I just hate it. My voice is breaking again so it's stuck in this high pitched hoarse, which is humiliating, because I sound like a woman. And this chest. -_- I know that in actuality I pass, but sometimes I see my face and chest and just think "yeah, no one could actually think I'm male, they're just humouring me." And then I get the worst thoughts..."maybe I'm one of the unpassables. I'll always look like a woman, I'll never progress, I'll never get my surgeries." Maybe it's a sacrifice I have to make. Maybe I have to be unpassable so no one notices the other men who can be stealth.
My mom dumped the rest of my healthy meals my sister made into to big sodium-filled pot of vegetable soup. She also dumped the stir fried chicken and brocoli in there. My brother can eat that.....I don't want any part of it. I am SO upset right now. I wonder when I actually start to invest in healthy meals myself if she will just take them without my consent and completely ruin them. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Quote from: Malachite on February 13, 2014, 11:53:06 AM
My mom dumped the rest of my healthy meals my sister made into to big sodium-filled pot of vegetable soup. She also dumped the stir fried chicken and brocoli in there. My brother can eat that.....I don't want any part of it. I am SO upset right now. I wonder when I actually start to invest in healthy meals myself if she will just take them without my consent and completely ruin them. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
That's how my dad makes stew. lol. Sometimes he puts deli meat in it. It's not pleasant.
Sadly my mother has been the worst part of my day
Quote from: Malachite on February 13, 2014, 11:53:06 AM
My mom dumped the rest of my healthy meals my sister made into to big sodium-filled pot of vegetable soup. She also dumped the stir fried chicken and brocoli in there. My brother can eat that.....I don't want any part of it. I am SO upset right now. I wonder when I actually start to invest in healthy meals myself if she will just take them without my consent and completely ruin them. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!
Electrified Tupperware. There's your answer. ;)
Quote from: Edge on February 12, 2014, 11:30:29 PM
Of Saint John? I wouldn't recommend moving here. There are no jobs, no culture, it's polluted, and all together a crappy place to live.
She used to live there. Nostalgia, I guess. :-\
Quote from: birkin on February 13, 2014, 05:28:58 PM
That's how my dad makes stew. lol. Sometimes he puts deli meat in it. It's not pleasant.
I know that feeling. Part of my healthymeal were cooked mashed sweet potatos and she dumped those in there. Those were digusting but still.... I didn't even taste the soup.
Quote from: Sephirah on February 13, 2014, 07:38:24 PM
Electrified Tupperware. There's your answer. ;)
My sister just gave me the plain ones. :/
6 doctors in the entire state who accept my insurance and *possibly* prescribe hormones, and they're all over an hour's drive from me, which is bad because I don't have a car.
Quote from: Willow on February 14, 2014, 06:00:24 PM
6 doctors in the entire state who accept my insurance and *possibly* prescribe hormones, and they're all over an hour's drive from me, which is bad because I don't have a car.
I'm sorry to hear that Willow. :(
I am sober. I was planning to get wasted at home after failing to go partying alone, but then I thought about the liquors price and how much I need to pay for the ITIL Foundtions exam and... sober night. Plus getting drunk is so eafsy for me since I haven't had anything strong since July...
anyways, a hangover once a year can't be that bad since it helps me remember why I don't drink, and I never ever drink more than two beverages...
I am tempted to buy a bottle of something tomorrow. but I know that I am saying this because I'm half asleep and tomorrow I be back to stay healthy mode...
My internet has been being screwy all day and it's seriously irritating me. My broadband modem keeps having connection issues and that the access route is broken.
I'm sick, stressed, and stuff.
Best Buy doesn't carry the lapdesk I'm looking for, therefore my wallet will hate me when I had to pay the insane mark-up price online. :(
Quote from: Malachite on February 15, 2014, 12:04:35 PM
Best Buy doesn't carry the lapdesk I'm looking for, therefore my wallet will hate me when I had to pay the insane mark-up price online. :(
Best Buy just sucks. My mom bought a computer from there and we have brought it in for maintenance at least 7 times and it still does not work right.
Knowing I don't pass.
Even within the stage of a minute or two ordering a coffee at Starbucks. First I overheard a very short girl whisper to her very tall boyfriend "he needs a nosejob" while glancing at me, and then the guy at the register, after ordering in my most feminine voice "would you like anything else, sir?"
I try to leave my coat open so people can actually see I have lumps on my chest, albeit smaller than proportional, but they're still there. But people ignore them and look straight at the face. My confidence in my ability to pass was alresdy destroyed by my supposed "friend" who saw me as Willow for the first time on Monday, however had seen me at the caf before and never put two and two together, saying "I always knew that it wasn't really a woman" and telling me I need Jesus to help set me straight, and until I can pass 100% will still refer to me as male and by my legal name. I intended never to see him again, until he sat down across from me thursday night and started talking about penises, despite my frequent attempts to deter the conversation. It felt so... eeew.
That and it does look like I can get a loophole executed to see tge doctor reccomended to me by my therapist, however it could take a month or more to get in to see her, about the time I would need to go bavk to the gatekeeper, the latter of which my therapist would prefer me doing because it's just simpler logistically, but I had to explain that it was the third time that is been told 2-3 more months by the gatekeeper and wanted to go somewhere else, but she still doubted the timeframe.
I can't last anoyher week, let alone month, without starting to get rid of my body hair, growing breasts, and reshaping the face so I'm maybe 25% passable rather than 0%.
aaaaand there goes my Facebook. Now I just have to figure out how to delete the bloody thing. That lasted a long time. -_-
Blah, being broke :P
Quote from: Malachite on February 15, 2014, 12:04:35 PM
Best Buy doesn't carry the lapdesk I'm looking for, therefore my wallet will hate me when I had to pay the insane mark-up price online. :(
Get someone in Australia to buy it for you and ship it to you:
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Logitech-Speaker-Lapdesk-N700-Free-Delivery-/121240710690
When I ask for size 12 skates I'll probably be given men's size 12, and when my friend asks for size 10, they'll probably be given women's size 10.
I AM CLEARLY DISPLAYING BOOBS I AM A WOMAN!!!!
Watched a show where a character committed suicide and it hit home a bit for my own history, but also because it hit me that it is a possibility I could lose D that way and then I realized that such a possibility made me want to cry.
Then on the way home, my friend brought up her own history which is fair enough, but it turns out that I don't much like it when people describe how people supported them and didn't want them to do it. When I was in that place, I had no one. Not that she knows how much that bothered me. I may be a self centred a-hole, but at least I have some control.
Quote from: Willow on February 15, 2014, 09:36:18 PM
When I ask for size 12 skates I'll probably be given men's size 12, and when my friend asks for size 10, they'll probably be given women's size 10.
I AM CLEARLY DISPLAYING BOOBS I AM A WOMAN!!!!
if you go to a store that has only female shoes then it would be impossible to get mens size,,,
also there are stores that you can just get what you want without needing assistance from an employee,thats where I go of course,,,
still If I saw somebody with boobs , no matter how feminine /masculine they d look , Id give them the womens...
Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 15, 2014, 09:57:32 PM
if you go to a store that has only female shoes then it would be impossible to get mens size,,,
also there are stores that you can just get what you want without needing assistance from an employee,thats where I go of course,,,
still If I saw somebody with boobs , no matter how feminine /masculine they d look , Id give them the womens...
I think you misread skates as shoes :P
Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 15, 2014, 09:59:29 PM
I think you misread skates as shoes :P
you know I just woke up its 5 in the morning here :/
so I guess someone should -rep me XD
sorry willow :(
Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 15, 2014, 09:57:32 PMif you go to a store that has only female shoes then it would be impossible to get mens size,,,
also there are stores that you can just get what you want without needing assistance from an employee,thats where I go of course,,,
still If I saw somebody with boobs , no matter how feminine /masculine they d look , Id give them the womens...
I'm at the ice rink, it's free skate night. Consudering the day I've had today, it'd be likely.
Managed to get a men's 11
The words 'normal' and 'shame'.
I use to love ice skating, except for the time my hand got run over and I nearly lost a few fingers in a pile up :P There was a lot of pink ice that evening
Quote from: V M on February 15, 2014, 10:29:04 PMI use to love ice skating, except for the time my hand got run over and I nearly lost a few fingers in a pile up :P There was a lot of pink ice that evening
I need more practise. It's been 4 years since I last skated and 10 years since I last fell. Fell tonight on my left leg almost at the end of the skating period, but knocked my right knee to the ground and hurt that more. Can't walk all the way home on it, so I'm staying the night at a friend's apartment. But now I have to go out in the morning without makeup, and what little chance of passing I had is quickly erased without it.
Pessimism leads to poor expectations leads to bad results.
If you expect the worst you are usually going to find it.
I have to go to classes starting in a little over a week from now for a food safety certification thingy. Blah, I hope going to the college for it won't be a pain and I don't run into some ignorance there.
Feeling a bit lonely at the moment.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 16, 2014, 03:42:36 PM
Feeling a bit lonely at the moment.
Shan ((hugs)) Mr. Hockey...It'll pass hon!
Quote from: Shantel on February 16, 2014, 05:41:55 PM
Shan ((hugs)) Mr. Hockey...It'll pass hon!
Thanks, Shan. It means a lot.
I'm just feeling lonely, ugly and unwanted. :(
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 16, 2014, 05:45:45 PM
Thanks, Shan. It means a lot.
I'm just feeling lonely, ugly and unwanted. :(
You're not alone honey, we all feel that way at times. You're not ugly either, so change that tape that's running in your head by getting your focus on something else right now. I always make plans for each day, maybe something positive that will keep me busy working out some new and positive means to move ahead with my transition.
Quote from: Shantel on February 16, 2014, 05:51:50 PM
You're not alone honey, we all feel that way at times. You're not ugly either, so change that tape that's running in your head by getting your focus on something else right now. I always make plans for each day, maybe something positive that will keep me busy working out some new and positive means to move ahead with my transition.
Thanks. I'm just still trying to get over the breakup with my ex girlfriend. A lot of things happened and now, I feel so unwanted and alone. I feel no one will ever want to be with me.
I'm alone in my transition. I came out to my mom but she still treats me like a daughter and keeps making up excuses to not call the Pride Center in my area like she said she would. I feel I'm going to be stuck in this female body forever. :(
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 16, 2014, 06:04:57 PM
Thanks. I'm just still trying to get over the breakup with my ex girlfriend. A lot of things happened and now, I feel so unwanted and alone. I feel no one will ever want to be with me.
I'm alone in my transition. I came out to my mom but she still treats me like a daughter and keeps making up excuses to not call the Pride Center in my area like she said she would. I feel I'm going to be stuck in this female body forever. :(
This are all things that we can all relate to, it happens to each of us in many diverse ways not unlike what you're going through. I feel for you dear, just keep in mind that you have a big supportive family here who will be understanding and as supportive as we possibly can be on an Internet site. I can plainly see that you are young and so keep in mind that you have the better part of your life ahead of you, there will be some tests and you will prevail in time, so even though it may seem like "Henny Penny the sky is falling down" understand that it's just temporary and try to take the long view and picture where and who you want to be in five and ten years down the road from today.
Quote from: Shantel on February 16, 2014, 06:15:49 PM
This are all things that we can all relate to, it happens to each of us in many diverse ways not unlike what you're going through. I feel for you dear, just keep in mind that you have a big supportive family here who will be understanding and as supportive as we possibly can be on an Internet site. I can plainly see that you are young and so keep in mind that you have the better part of your life ahead of you, there will be some tests and you will prevail in time, so even though it may seem like "Henny Penny the sky is falling down" understand that it's just temporary and try to take the long view and picture where and who you want to be in five and ten years down the road from today.
Thanks, everyone here has been really nice and supportive. I'm just going through a rough spot. :(
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 16, 2014, 06:42:49 PM
Thanks, everyone here has been really nice and supportive. I'm just going through a rough spot. :(
I know hon, btw nice haircut!
a girl, just for a change
Being around morons that can't grasp the concept of using the right pronouns.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 16, 2014, 09:57:45 PM
Being around morons that can't grasp the concept of using the right pronouns.
+1
Boobs = girl, right?
Quote from: Willow on February 17, 2014, 12:15:01 AM
+1
Boobs = girl, right?
Indeed.
Among many other things. I don't know too many dudes that would have their testicles removed and take estrogen. Not to mention the fact that every stranger I have ever met has called me a girl. It's even happened around my dad. I don't know about'em. Bunch of friggin idiots. But, as I said before, this is why I don't go around them much.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 17, 2014, 12:19:47 AMIndeed.
Among many other things. I don't know too many dudes that would have their testicles removed and take estrogen. Not to mention the fact that every stranger I have ever met has called me a girl. It's even happened around my dad. I don't know about'em. Bunch of friggin idiots. But, as I said before, this is why I don't go around them much.
Strangers still see me as male :(
Whenever I say my name is Willow, they think I pronounced it wrong and write down William.
Quote from: Willow on February 17, 2014, 12:15:01 AM
+1
Boobs = girl, right?
I always thought so but am coming to see that this isn't the case as often as one might think. I have been walking around Las Vegas with somewhat visible boobs (my fat definitely helps camouflage them, which I am grateful for) and it has been constant sirs all day. And solicitation from prostitutes lol. No indication that anyone sees me as a woman.
When I realized I could no longer bind I was sick to my stomach. I was convinced I would be forced to live as female until they were lobbed off. But for whatever reason people overlook them. Again I think my weight is a huge blessing to me...but yeah I don't get it. Sad to knows it works in my favour but not yours :(
Thought a friend was going to send me a message, guess I was wrong :-\
Im finally looking in the mirror and seeing a blossoming girl but i have to hide her. Im so tired of all of it. I just wanna be me...
Quote from: Willow on February 17, 2014, 12:15:01 AM
+1
Boobs = girl, right?
Not necessarily. I have boobs unfortunately. :-\
Originaly got up in time to go to class, then just couldn't.
I should probably drop all of them, to save myself from getting kicked out.
My friend stopped coming to school on days when I'm there (not because of me I don't think- he only went on tuesday because he had a lab). I'm not sure why since he has classes, but I don't like it.
I can't face my wife and tell her I really want to transition.
Blah, the insomnia monster had it's way with me again :P
Had laser 3 hours ago and the numbing cream just wore off. I feel like mah face is on fi-yerrr.
Lonely. :/
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 17, 2014, 06:21:25 PM
Lonely. :/
*gives you a big hug*
Lonely but never alone, sweetie. Never forget that.
Just everything. I'm a failure and a nobody. I really hate my life right now.
Got served court papers today my ex wife is taking me to family court to try and get custody of my daughter who lives with me.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 17, 2014, 08:25:16 PM
Just everything. I'm a failure and a nobody. I really hate my life right now.
Mr. Hockey please stop! You are not a failure and you need to un-hate your life, you are unique and special in my estimation and you need to lighten up on yourself and quit turning into a "poor me sour-wuss."
Quote from: Shantel on February 17, 2014, 08:34:16 PM
Mr. Hockey please stop! You are not a failure and you need to un-hate your life, you are unique and special in my estimation and you need to lighten up on yourself and quit turning into a "poor me sour-wuss."
Un-hate my life? Hmph if only.
I'm a total screw-up and a complete loser. No one understands what I'm going through and no one cares. I really only have one friend, and even he I can't talk to about anything personal. I find no reason to keep living.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 17, 2014, 08:40:37 PM
I'm a total screw-up and a complete loser. No one understands what I'm going through and no one cares. I really only have one friend, and even he I can't talk to about anything personal. I find no reason to keep living.
I know this may sound like a cliche, but you just have to keep going. That's all you can do, dude. Outside of my family, I have no one to talk to so I have an idea of what you are going through. It sucks when you have no one around that can relate to you on the same level, being the same age, etc.
But, you just have to keep going. It's certainly better than just giving up.
The hell with that. Life is too short to do that, man.
Mr hockey. If you have 1 friend then your doing better than me
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 17, 2014, 08:46:45 PM
I know this may sound like a cliche, but you just have to keep going. That's all you can do, dude. Outside of my family, I have no one to talk to so I have an idea of what you are going through. It sucks when you have no one around that can relate to you on the same level, being the same age, etc.
But, you just have to keep going. It's certainly better than just giving up.
The hell with that. Life is too short to do that, man.
I can't. I just can't.
What's the point of going on with my life if I'll most likely never transition the way I want to? I'm not even sure if I can keep being trans.. there's too much stress involved with this and no one understands me. The one girl I could talk to about anything and meant the world to me is gone and I have nothing.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 17, 2014, 08:40:37 PM
Un-hate my life? Hmph if only.
I'm a total screw-up and a complete loser. No one understands what I'm going through and no one cares. I really only have one friend, and even he I can't talk to about anything personal. I find no reason to keep living.
You are not a loser, you have many friends here and people do care -
Do not give up
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 17, 2014, 08:50:51 PM
What's the point of going on with my life if I'll most likely never transition the way I want to?
I thought the same thing a few years back when I faced the harsh truth that I could never afford GRS or FFS and my only option was have an orchi or throw in the towel and kill myself.
I decided to go with the orchi and told the idea of suicide to go screw itself. I wont lie and tell you that I didn't feel depressed at first because I did. For three days straight I was miserable. I felt like my transition was a failure and I was basically screwed. But once that subsided, I got to work on looking for a surgeon and I let time take its course.
Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you just have to roll with it.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fstream1.gifsoup.com%2Fview6%2F4876071%2Fportia-home-run-o.gif&hash=7cb988079b7b066db7fc0bb7252074a542c2b695)
And when that curveball comes at ya, take a lesson from this little lady and smack that sucker out of the park.
Thanks everyone.. you know I'm sorry for being so sour lately but I've been going through a lot and I needed to get it out.
My dysphoria has been crippling these past few days. I wish I could have top and bottom surgery tomorrow; that's how bad it's been. I'm so envious of people who were born male... why did I have to be born this way? I absolutely hate my female body.
My mom doesn't understand a single thing. She won't call the Pride Center so I can speak to someone about what I'm going through and keeps treating me like a girl. How many times do I have to tell her that I'm transgender?
Just some stuff that was a li'l triggering for me.
No big deal but... yeah. Sometimes it's hard.
My little nephew broke down and started crying out of nowhere today because he thinks I love his newborn brother more than I love him. He's been thinking this for a week but no matter how much I tell him that I love them both and his sister equally, he doesn't believe me. Hopefully I got this sorted out today so I won't have to deal with it in the future. It seems like I have to watch how much affection I give the newborn. I can't help it though since he's so soft, cuddly, cute, and adorable, but apparently my other nephew feels neglected, even though I always spend time with him every time I see him.
My supervisor resigned from work today and I feel devastated. :( Apart from having a great working relationship with her she has been actively supportive of my transition process. I'll get over it and we'll just move onto the next person in the role but I'm surprised by how emotional and close to crying about I've been all day.
Super hungry, and no more food :(
Feeling down again.
It snowed again! Seriously, I'm getting fed up having to clean my driveway all the time. We never used to get this much snow here.
Quote from: learningtolive on February 18, 2014, 10:44:48 AM
It snowed again! Seriously, I'm getting fed up having to clean my driveway all the time. We never used to get this much snow here.
Yeah, a lot of people are burnt out on the snow. Oh well...Spring isn't that much farther away.
My heel really hurts.
Looking at the pile of toys I have to sort through makes me want to sleep.
Being forced to either have a new roommate, move in with someone else, or pay $1336 to keep this room.
Mom sent me something that required priority 2 day shipping.
I woke up too late to go to the counseling centre or to academic advising.
I've ruined my school career.
The boyfriend still feels bad today. :( I hate watching him suffer and I'm afraid I have to watch him suffer for more days to come if we don't get him feeling better. I think we figured out the problem, but he's so sick and sad that he just cries and it breaks my heart.
I'm having a bad day. Struggling with some health issues and getting away from an abusive ex who's been stalking me. The combination of the two situations is isolating me from all the good people in my life. I guess when it rains it pours.
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on February 18, 2014, 08:38:46 PM
I'm having a bad day. Struggling with some health issues and getting away from an abusive ex who's been stalking me. The combination of the two situations is isolating me from all the good people in my life. I guess when it rains it pours.
Alex, that bear must really like tofu :-\
Quote from: Qwynne on February 18, 2014, 08:40:08 PM
Alex, that bear must really like tofu :-\
Huh? That's supposed to be the state of California, hahaha.
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on February 18, 2014, 09:11:37 PM
Huh? That's supposed to be the state of California, hahaha.
I see that now.
At first glance, it looked like a strip of tofu... or facon. :-\
Quote from: Alexmakenoise on February 18, 2014, 09:11:37 PM
Huh? That's supposed to be the state of California, hahaha.
Can you start with Orange County? I wouldn't miss San Bernardino either. Nah, screw that, make it the entire 909 area code!
Luckily, I retained the facon ingredients list!
Ingredients:
EGG WHITES, SOYBEAN OIL WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS, TEXTURED SOY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, MODIFIED CORN STARCH, WHEAT GLUTEN, HYDROLYZED VEGETABLE PROTEIN (CORN GLUTEN, WHEAT GLUTEN, SOY), CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF GLYCERIN, SALT, SOY PROTEIN ISOLATE, SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, SUGAR, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS FROM NON-MEAT SOURCES, TORULA YEAST, CARAMEL COLOR, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE, SODIUM TRIPOLYPHOSPHATE, NATURAL SMOKE FLAVOR, MALIC ACID, GUAR GUM, YEAST EXTRACT, LOCUST BEAN AND GUAR GUM, SODIUM SULFITE, CARRAGEENAN, RED #3, DISODIUM INOSINATE, DISODIUM GUANYLATE, NIACINAMIDE, IRON [FERROUS SULFATE], AUTOLYZED YEAST EXTRACT, NONFAT DRY MILK, YELLOW #6, VITAMIN B1 [THIAMIN MONONITRATE], VITAMIN B6 [PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE], VITAMIN B2 [RIBOFLAVIN], CITRIC ACID, CYANOCOBALAMIN.
Allergen Information:
CONTAINS EGG, SOY, WHEAT AND MILK INGREDIENTS.
...you forgot smen
Ghee, I'm sorry. ;D
Surprise shipping charges that amount to over 30% of your grand total.
Looks like I need to find somewhere else to order from.
Quote from: Willow on February 18, 2014, 09:35:42 PM
Surprise shipping charges that amount to over 30% of your grand total.
Looks like I need to find somewhere else to order from.
Consider "Spices and More" in Providence, RI
Sad because there are no trans-friendly endos near me
Quote from: Malachite on February 18, 2014, 10:11:34 PMSad because there are no trans-friendly endos near me
I don't have any MTF friendly endos/any doctor that will write an HRT prescription that take my insurance in range of the city buses. The only one that takes my insurance has issues with MTFs and I hear only prescribes to FTMs.
So yeah, we're in very similar boats. And I can't live much longer like this.
Quote from: Willow on February 18, 2014, 10:17:20 PM
The only one that takes my insurance has issues with MTFs and I hear only prescribes to FTMs.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages4.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fanswers%2F287000%2F287056_1313842523769_500_281.jpg&hash=93588c4e8079aaf5a3171e5ad930b0ae800fd123)
Quote from: Willow on February 18, 2014, 10:17:20 PM
I don't have any MTF friendly endos/any doctor that will write an HRT prescription that take my insurance in range of the city buses. The only one that takes my insurance has issues with MTFs and I hear only prescribes to FTMs.
So yeah, we're in very similar boats. And I can't live much longer like this.
Wow, that's pretty messed up. I wonder why they would discriminate like that against Mtf's if that's true. That's less buisness for them. I would love to find a trans-friendly endocrinologist within bus range....or even taxi range, but the closest one to me is abut 93 miles away. :/ I kind of feel my mental stability slipping. It sucks to live in a small town with no resources.
Quote from: Malachite on February 18, 2014, 10:34:28 PMWow, that's pretty messed up. I wonder why they would discriminate like that against Mtf's if that's true. That's less buisness for them. I would love to find a trans-friendly endocrinologist within bus range....or even taxi range, but the closest one to me is abut 93 miles away. :/ I kind of feel my mental stability slipping. It sucks to live in a small town with no resources.
Doesn't matter to her, she's a GP/Gynaecologist at the school clinic. Not loosing business or anything.
I'm having the same thing, I'm slipping fast and hard, like I don't have much longer left.
Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 18, 2014, 10:24:52 PM(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages4.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fanswers%2F287000%2F287056_1313842523769_500_281.jpg&hash=93588c4e8079aaf5a3171e5ad930b0ae800fd123)
Dead link...
Quote from: Willow on February 18, 2014, 10:42:49 PM
Doesn't matter to her, she's a GP/Gynaecologist at the school clinic. Not loosing business or anything.
Ouch -hugs-
A guy at work I started talking to properly for the first time today as we were at the same meeting has been texting me/calling me afterwards etc. I assumed he was taking pity on me being stuck in a hotel with no company, or enjoyed talking to someone who also lives in the countryside.
Now I'm thinking maybe not. Most guys don't ask if you're having another bath, or offer to find you if you get lost in the double bed again. Even if he knows me as with a female label it's pretty darned obvious I'm not into men regardless of the fact he knows I have a girlfriend of two years. I am not interested in the slightest, and you'd never consider it if you knew I was a guy too.
Please don't let this be another person who wants to get with the "lesbian". I'm only just about over the last person who assaulted me because of that.
My bowels are becoming incontinent again, streaking my underwear.
I need to get this checked out, soon.
U.S.A.'s women's team loses to Team Canada in the Gold medal game.
a girl, same girl as other day..
And a gorgeous girl to Jebee.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 20, 2014, 02:42:32 PM
U.S.A.'s women's team loses to Team Canada in the Gold medal game.
And wow, what a finish. *shakes head*
I injured my left breast working out and now it's in pain.
Jury duty summons in the mail today. I'm not sure what the hell I should do this time. It is under my *barf* legal name, which will not be changed until July 24. I flat REFUSE to do it in guy mode. If I can get it postponed for 6 months, and during this time my name changes, do I still have to serve? I'm not sure what to do. My wife is a prominent attorney here and odds are she knows whatever judge would preside over the trial. I don't want to ruffle feathers here, and I wouldn't mind serving under my new name, but this is just uneffingacceptable.
The usual stuff, stress related issues, various physical issues related to various injuries and the depression that stems from that, disphoria accompanied by self loathing and feeling that it would probably be better to just end it all and get it over with
Quote from: V M on February 21, 2014, 05:24:24 AM
The usual stuff, stress related issues, various physical issues related to various injuries and the depression that stems from that, disphoria accompanied by self loathing and feeling that it would probably be better to just end it all and get it over with
Same situation here :'(
I still hope we're gonna feel better , meantime i enjoy ' crying '
U.S.A. loses to Canada in the Semi-finals. :(
I forgot to tell my mom not to put anything on my salad again. Now I must wash off the "lemon pepper" she made again. Yuck!
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 21, 2014, 01:43:57 PM
U.S.A. loses to Canada in the Semi-finals. :(
Does that mean the US has to keep Justin Beiber?
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 21, 2014, 03:57:16 PM
Does that mean the US has to keep Justin Beiber?
I can only hope. ::)
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 21, 2014, 03:57:16 PM
Does that mean the US has to keep Justin Beiber?
:D :laugh: OMG please no way!
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 21, 2014, 03:57:16 PM
Does that mean the US has to keep Justin Beiber?
That was the deal.
My mom and I got into an argument.
This
https://twitter.com/CommandSign/status/436544985710616576/photo/1 (https://twitter.com/CommandSign/status/436544985710616576/photo/1)
LOL... This a rather frightening thought
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bg7rWeJCAAAjdRt.jpg)
Quote from: V M on February 21, 2014, 05:43:28 PM
LOL... This a rather frightening thought
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bg7rWeJCAAAjdRt.jpg)
Truly a really bad bet under any circumstances!
I came home and nothing looked out of the ordinary despite my landlord supposedly visiting today. I don't know if that means she just didn't leave anything, but we're not being evicted or if this means she didn't visit, but will at an inconvenient time. While I hope it's first, it would be nice to have some indication she was here.
Quote from: Edge on February 21, 2014, 06:46:25 PM
I came home and nothing looked out of the ordinary despite my landlord supposedly visiting today. I don't know if that means she just didn't leave anything, but we're not being evicted or if this means she didn't visit, but will at an inconvenient time. While I hope it's first, it would be nice to have some indication she was here.
She should have left a note so you wouldn't be creeped out!
Quote from: Shantel on February 21, 2014, 06:52:17 PM
She should have left a note so you wouldn't be creeped out!
I got a notice a week ago saying she would, but I was hoping she'd leave a note letting me know she was here. For one, it would be a relieve to confirm we're not being evicted.
Remembered that I actually want to be a woman when I was tantalizingly close to calcified denial. :(
Quote from: Shantel on February 21, 2014, 05:46:20 PMTruly a really bad bet under any circumstances!
Last time the Prime Minister won a case of Molson.
Quote from: Willow on February 21, 2014, 08:18:55 PM
Last time the Prime Minister won a case of Molson.
Molson would be a much better prize!
Quote from: Shantel on February 21, 2014, 08:20:56 PMMolson would be a much better prize!
Yeah but the Canadian Prime Minister won it, not you :P
one of my incisions is leaking a little. the dr didnt say anything but im going to worry about it until my next post op appointment...
Unhappy that you can't even be safe from one of the most innocent things in the world (supposedly). Just watched a documentary on children who've commited murder.
The JC pennies career website isn't working so I can't apply online. :/
I just had an unfortunate run-in with some ignorant religious people. They are one of the reasons I cannot stand religion. That's all I'm going to say.
Because of that, I'm spending some time on the Atheism board to vent.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 06:56:25 PM
I just had an unfortunate run-in with some ignorant religious people. They are one of the reasons I cannot stand religion. That's all I'm going to say.
Because of that, I'm spending some time on the Atheism board to vent.
That sucks. I've had plenty of those experiences. I tend to avoid religion any chance I get. I don't like wasting my time on the inevitable circular arguments that result from it.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 22, 2014, 07:02:44 PM
That sucks. I've had plenty of those experiences. I tend to avoid religion any chance I get. I don't like wasting my time on the inevitable circular arguments that result from it.
Yup. According to them, I'm confused, not normal, an abomination and need serious help. I try to avoid arguing with Christians; I'm in the process of an argument right now. It's just going to keep going in pointless circles.
My father is an arrogant jerk.
Quote from: Malachite on February 22, 2014, 07:19:05 PM
My father is an arrogant jerk.
I wouldn't have said that to you, but yeah I concur.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 07:12:40 PM
Yup. According to them, I'm confused, not normal, an abomination and need serious help. I try to avoid arguing with Christians; I'm in the process of an argument right now. It's just going to keep going in pointless circles.
That's how it goes and that's why I don't bother with engaging people like that. I would rather hit my big toe with a hammer. It would be a much more productive act. :D
Feeling a little lost at the moment. ???
Upset with people who don't know how to appropriately barter or do their reaserch.
Put my TV up on Craigslist, asking for $400, including some added cables, first offer I recieve is for $215 claiming the same model is avalible for $330 at Target.
Umm, no, it was $430 for a smaller version. I want at lesst $325 for mine, I need it to pay for electrolysis and medications.
If you guys don't hear from me from tonight on, I'm most likely dead. I'm beyond depressed and I have barely any desire to keep living. I have no friends and I screw up everything. I'm a dumb Atheist and Transgendered person; why should I live? I'm at the bottom of the pile.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 08:23:34 PM
If you guys don't hear from me from tonight on, I'm most likely dead. I'm beyond depressed and I have barely any desire to keep living. I have no friends and I screw up everything. I'm a dumb Atheist and Transgendered person; why should I live? I'm at the bottom of the pile.
You should live because there is no reason to speed up the inevitable.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 22, 2014, 08:36:16 PM
You should live because there is no reason to speed up the inevitable.
The inevitable sounds better than life.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 08:37:46 PM
The inevitable sounds better than life.
No way, dude.
I used to think that way at one point. It all changed one night at my aunt and uncle's house a year or so ago when I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was going through some weird medical stuff and I was certain that I was about to die. That changed things around from that point on.
Having said that, I've had the rare bit where I would get depressed and think that dying would be a good idea. That's when I give myself a good figurative slap across the face and say to myself: "You remember that night and how frightened you were? Well, snap out of it."
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on February 22, 2014, 08:42:54 PM
No way, dude.
I used to think that way at one point. It all changed one night at my aunt and uncle's house a year or so ago when I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was going through some weird medical stuff and I was certain that I was about to die. That changed things around from that point on.
Having said that, I've had the rare bit where I would get depressed and think that dying would be a good idea. That's when I give myself a good figurative slap across the face and say to myself: "You remember that night and how frightened you were? Well, snap out of it."
I'm not afraid of peace and the end of suffering.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 08:37:46 PM
The inevitable sounds better than life.
I ve thought about that many times...and I would do it If I didnt had a purpose, we have the same purpose you and I and a lot of people here, I owe it to the girl inside me who was alone in the dark for 20 years to live , to live a real life instead of the fake one I was living and only recently realised that was pointless...So until that happens , I cant give up no matter the pain, I think you should do the same...
Also whenever I feel down I try to remember that there are people who care about me and I care about them, I owe it to them too...
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 08:23:34 PM
If you guys don't hear from me from tonight on, I'm most likely dead. I'm beyond depressed and I have barely any desire to keep living. I have no friends and I screw up everything. I'm a dumb Atheist and Transgendered person; why should I live? I'm at the bottom of the pile.
Please, Mr. H., I was there once and I made it out the other side. You DO have friends here, and you can count me as one of them. You are obviously very smart, and I doubt you screw up much of anything. I survived being a transgender atheist and you will as well. You're one of the good guys and we need you. Forget what the idiots think. Hurting yourself would just be another victory for the mouth breathers.
This is the score today:
Mr. H: 1
Idiots: 0
Can you do it again tomorrow? Please talk to someone if things are bad, and call 911 if you ever see the end of the rope.
Love, Jill
Quote from: FalsePrincess on February 22, 2014, 08:52:58 PM
I ve thought about that many times...and I would do it If I didnt had a purpose, we have the same purpose you and I and a lot of people here, I owe it to the girl inside me who was alone in the dark for 20 years to live , to live a real life instead of the fake one I was living and only recently realised that was pointless...So until that happens , I cant give up no matter the pain, I think you should do the same...
Also whenever I feel down I try to remember that there are people who care about me and I care about them, I owe it to them too...
Yeah well, I'm ready to give up. I think I'm done trying to be a guy. I care about no one and no one cares about me.
Quote from: Jill F on February 22, 2014, 08:55:56 PM
Please, Mr. H., I was there once and I made it out the other side. You DO have friends here, and you can count me as one of them. You are obviously very smart, and I doubt you screw up much of anything. I survived being a transgender atheist and you will as well. You're one of the good guys and we need you. Forget what the idiots think. Hurting yourself would just be another victory for the mouth breathers.
This is the score today:
Mr. H: 1
Idiots: 0
Can you do it again tomorrow? Please talk to someone if things are bad, and call 911 if you ever see the end of the rope.
Love, Jill
I just feel hopeless. I feel like I have no future.
My family probably won't approve of my transition. I'm probably going to fail this grade in school and end up working low paying jobs the rest of my life. I'm incredibly stupid.
I was harassed by a bunch of ignorant people today and that set me off. Maybe I am a freak? I'm a guy with boobs. That's pretty freaky.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 09:03:14 PM
I was harassed by a bunch of ignorant people today and that set me off.
I've been in those situations before. It always sucks, so I can relate to it. But the thing is: Those people that screwed with you are the problem. It isn't you. People that do that sort of thing are idiots and the opinion of an idiot doesn't mean a damn thing at the end of the day.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 21, 2014, 11:53:26 PM
Unhappy that you can't even be safe from one of the most innocent things in the world (supposedly). Just watched a documentary on children who've commited murder.
My kid would totally commit murder, and nobody would be surprised. And she wouldn't understand why people were mad at her afterward. When I was a child I would have gladly committed murder, but for different reasons and with a greater understanding of the action and its consequences. Murder seems so moronic and childish that I don't know why we find it more baffling than ordinary meanness, or financial fraud, or thievery of bicycles and cars.
I don't want to get too wrapped up in talking you off the cliff or whatever. The main reason I disappear for long periods from this site, and all sites (to be perfectly honest) is that too many people either talk about suicide or actually do it. Nobody wants you to die. Even people who don't like what you are don't want you to die. My personal belief is that as humans we have a powerful obligation to follow certain rules, including not dying in ways that harm others. If you commit suicide in old age while battling cancer, it won't make everyone else fall apart the way your merely talking about it can do while you're young and healthy.
You are different, we do love you here, you aren't loved by ignorant strangers, and you won't be loved by ignorant strangers even if you were as perfect as you can imagine being.
You don't have to be athletic or intelligent or wealthy to have a meaningful life that's worth fighting for. You know how many beautiful normal people wish they were trans so they could be special, so they could be interesting or have something to care about? I've been read as male for just a few years, and it's nice, but regardless whether I pass (I look like a monster when my shirt is off, imo), I have an automatic level of authenticity that is probably present in everyone but people really believe when they see it in a trans person. There is no configuration of life details that isn't going to be belittled or envied by someone.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 09:03:14 PM
I just feel hopeless. I feel like I have no future.
My family probably won't approve of my transition. I'm probably going to fail this grade in school and end up working low paying jobs the rest of my life. I'm incredibly stupid.
I was harassed by a bunch of ignorant people today and that set me off. Maybe I am a freak? I'm a guy with boobs. That's pretty freaky.
Well this is a stage we have to go through...You can go from a biological girl to a "normal" guy that easily ( or the opposite)
yes I feel like a freak too , like some kind of hybrid maybe and I ve had people harassing me too and I too will propably end up working low paying jobs ( well eerr , just like most people in my country )...yes its a rather difficult life for us , mostly cause of are own pain...
but I told you in the other post , I wont give up....inside you there is a normal guy , a guy which deserves to live his life , no matter what kind of life it is,,,
Your family doesnt know? or they doesnt approve?
my family just needed some time ( 1 year actually :/ )
Anyway what would consern me most about suicide is that if I kill myself now,,,people would just remember me as a guy , Im early in transition so even those who know havent got a chance to meet me Lina well...
I dont want to die and be remembered as a guy with issues who just ended it all out of the pain...
do you?
:( :'(
Oh about those people who harassed you , Laura is right...these people have issues no matter how you look at it... this kind of people dont even deserve to be called humans not even animals ... I cant imagine why someone would hurt another like that...most people cant ,,,thats why you ought to remember,,,
Evil is minimal in this world ,,,but it takes one evil to hurt a billion good ones...
I just feel so alone. My mom doesn't really support me. I've told her that I'm trans but it's like she doesn't care. I miss having a person I could talk to about everything and anything.. that person doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm alone in my room or just hanging out by myself outside because I have no friends. I'm just so frustrated with everything right now. :'(
You are not alone Mr. Hockey - You have several friends who care about you right here - Do not give up
Hugs
V M
Mr Hockey, I like you, I like your posts, you are a great guy and you will have a full and happy life as the great guy you are.
I have been to the depths, I have been abused, I had no hope - I had nothing.
But I crawled out and became me. I'm a happy healthy normal woman, and one day my friend you will be a happy normal young man.
Never give up, it means the jerks have won, and they do not deserve that.
Thank you V M and Cindy, it means a lot. I'm just going through a lot and I'm not sure what to do. :'(
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 11:14:12 PM
Thank you V M and Cindy, it means a lot. I'm just going through a lot and I'm not sure what to do. :'(
You start by talking to your friends and family, people who do truly understand transgender hell.
We are here :-* :icon_wave:
Quote from: Cindy on February 22, 2014, 11:16:09 PM
You start by talking to your friends and family, people who do truly understand transgender hell.
We are here :-* :icon_wave:
Thanks.
Probably going to be staying up all night again. Too stressed to go to sleep.
Asking for help in finding some Genie bras. Some were helpful, a couple of very ugly glares.
Sheesh. Like I'm supposed to walk around with nipples poking out in public.
Never been an exhibitionist, just wanted a bit of modesty.
Wondering how others go about doing their shopping?
I haven't cut in months but I'm considering it right about now.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 22, 2014, 09:28:22 PM
I just feel so alone. My mom doesn't really support me. I've told her that I'm trans but it's like she doesn't care. I miss having a person I could talk to about everything and anything.. that person doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm alone in my room or just hanging out by myself outside because I have no friends. I'm just so frustrated with everything right now. :'(
As far as I know, my mom still calls me by a female nickname no one else has called me since I was 11. We haven't spoken in years. I'm not saying you don't deserve to have a good person care and listen to you in person, but folks online are real. If someone here calls you a friend, you definitely have a friend. I feel like that should count for something.
My best friend is my cat, though, so I suck at talking to people who aren't capable of being furry and sleeping on my chest.
Quote from: Felix on February 23, 2014, 02:27:58 AM
As far as I know, my mom still calls me by a female nickname no one else has called me since I was 11. We haven't spoken in years. I'm not saying you don't deserve to have a good person care and listen to you in person, but folks online are real. If someone here calls you a friend, you definitely have a friend. I feel like that should count for something.
My best friend is my cat, though, so I suck at talking to people who aren't capable of being furry and sleeping on my chest.
If people knew me outside of the Internet, they'd really see how much I suck as a human being.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 23, 2014, 02:31:38 AM
If people knew me outside of the Internet, they'd really see how much I suck as a human being.
You'd have to work pretty hard to suck worse than the rest of us. I can't think of a single failing that isn't shared or topped by somebody somewhere. Even if you managed to be a horrible person, horribleness isn't permanent. It took me a long time to learn how to be nice and honorable and all that, and I'm still frequently unlikable, I'm sure. Even when people love me or trust me it is for reasons that have as much to do with the other person as with me.
Anyway, you on the internet is a weirdly-curated and subjectively-received version of yourself, and trying to live up to whatever it is can be impossible.
If you can't get a cat or a dog, you should visit one at the shelter or something. Their opinions are valid and their adoration can be pretty uplifting.
I have always liked Hyperbole and a Half, but I don't check it much so I didn't know until today that she updated last year. Her ongoing depression commentary makes me feel normal -
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
I don't think I've experienced that in years, but there have been a couple of times.
Unrelated to any of that, the thing that is making me unhappy today is my violent, girlfriend-beating, drug-dealing, wild-partying, scary neighbors are not even trying to be reasonable now that they've gotten their 30 day eviction notice. I'm riled up right now, but even if I were calm and wanted to sleep I wouldn't be able to. Yesterday one of them walked into traffic and punched a stranger off of his bicycle, and my roommate stepped in, and the police got involved, and the neighbors don't realize that the guy that stepped in lives next door to them, and I'm not sure if they'll do anything if they do. A few days ago they were having loud arguments on the porch in the middle of the night (about not getting their 40 dollars worth), and then pitching ceramic plates out their front window after the sun came up. I swear every time there's a vacancy in that apartment they fill it with another friend of this group of sleazy and vicious kids.
5:17 AM and I'm still awake. I can't sleep.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 23, 2014, 04:17:59 AM5:17 AM and I'm still awake. I can't sleep.
Me neither.
I'll probably be tired in an hour and a half.
My face needs to be shaved overall, but especially on the right.
I don't know how to shave without changing. I don't have a sink in my room.
This is very stressful. At least in a week or two I'll be moving to a different dorm,unfortunately with a roommate, albeit a female roommate. But with a bathroom en suite. Since it's a gender neutral floor, no one will care who I am in terms of gender and rooms.
Female impersonators.
Not interested in any man that is a liar.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 23, 2014, 02:31:38 AM
If people knew me outside of the Internet, they'd really see how much I suck as a human being.
Not necessarily. I'm a monster and most people who know me outside of the internet don't notice. I could outright tell them that I'm a bad guy and they'll act like I'm joking or haven't said anything.
I hate having boobs.
Quote from: Edge on February 23, 2014, 11:21:04 AM
Not necessarily. I'm a monster and most people who know me outside of the internet don't notice. I could outright tell them that I'm a bad guy and they'll act like I'm joking or haven't said anything.
I hate having boobs.
So do I.
Tried sending my ex-girlfriend a message on Facebook with a new account since she blocked me on my main one and she blocked my new one as well. She was my best friend, and I just loved her so much. I see she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I think I'm going to lay in bed and cry the rest of the day.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 23, 2014, 12:23:12 PM
Tried sending my ex-girlfriend a message on Facebook with a new account since she blocked me on my main one and she blocked my new one as well. She was my best friend, and I just loved her so much. I see she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I think I'm going to lay in bed and cry the rest of the day.
Mr. Hockey,
I know for a fact that a lot of folks here on both sides of the gender fence have dealt with that same crushing experience. It's unfortunate that some people love to be wooed and have their socks charmed off up until it dawns on them that they're in deeper than they bargained for and unfortunately few there are that have the character to at least bow out gracefully. It's not your fault!
There is a lady I met who's having a really hard time lately and I've indirectly caused it :( I wish I could fix everything but I really can't do anything about it. I'm really worried about her and it's making it hard to focus on my schoolwork.
again, the answer is girl.
wanting to die but being to weak to kill myself , so painful
Feel asleepin the middle of the day.
Quote from: Willow on February 23, 2014, 09:04:26 PM
Feel asleepin the middle of the day.
good lord me to, i gave up to the "lazy sunday afternoon cat pawing at the sun" mood and just let the nap take me lol, for 4 hours, oh geesh im gonna not be able to fall asleep tonite, thank goodness i don't have any work tomorrow
Quote from: kiara jamie on February 23, 2014, 09:08:46 PM
good lord me to, i gave up to the "lazy sunday afternoon cat pawing at the sun" mood and just let the nap take me lol, for 4 hours, oh geesh im gonna not be able to fall asleep tonite, thank goodness i don't have any work tomorrow
this has been a daily occurance for me. I can't fall asleep tonight for sure, just woke up less than 30 minutes ago.
I can't fall asleep tomorrow, I have a test at 1230.
i think it has something to do with me taking progesterone and eating to large of a meal portion
Quote from: kiara jamie on February 23, 2014, 09:48:36 PMi think it has something to do with me taking progesterone and eating to large of a meal portion
I'm just severely depressed. Tired, lethargic, overall just horrid.
you should get out and do something active, i always feel better when i leave the comfort of the bed and do something like see a movie or go shopping or just a walk, im just chilling out in bed all day since i have to much work most of the time and don't get to depressed on my two or three days off since i would rather never see anyone, but lately my desire to be around friends instead of secluding myself has been lifting, i just need more friends
also could your hormones be affecting your depression and lethargy? i remember when i was on cypro instead of spiro i was so depressed and lazy
Quote from: Willow on February 23, 2014, 09:13:16 PM
this has been a daily occurance for me. I can't fall asleep tonight for sure, just woke up less than 30 minutes ago.
I can't fall asleep tomorrow, I have a test at 1230.
Exercise will help you get out of your depression and sleep better at night.
Quote from: kiara jamie on February 23, 2014, 10:17:58 PMyou should get out and do something active, i always feel better when i leave the comfort of the bed and do something like see a movie or go shopping or just a walk, im just chilling out in bed all day since i have to much work most of the time and don't get to depressed on my two or three days off since i would rather never see anyone, but lately my desire to be around friends instead of secluding myself has been lifting, i just need more friends
also could your hormones be affecting your depression and lethargy? i remember when i was on cypro instead of spiro i was so depressed and lazy
Unfortunately my money is all tied up, I can't spend a single penny at the moment, as much as I want to go shopping for new shoes.
Probably isn't, considering I'm still not yet on HRT. I actually assume it would help.
Quote from: JdlR on February 23, 2014, 10:27:49 PMExercise will help you get out of your depression and sleep better at night.
Don't think so, considering my depression is based primarily on my body hair which doesn't stop growing, my face which is far too masculine, my lack of breasts, my stomach fat, and the fact that I live in the men's dorms and have to shower in the men's showers despite living full time as female, however no one seems to recognise it.
Same as usual: I'm having real issues with going social again:
- Friends: All of my friends are always unavailable, since all of the are in couples right now with their own plans. So I've gone again to a no-friends situation, and I am well forked right now.
I know that the most logical solution is getting back into activities where you will be with people, but... I've tried looking for classes, sports groups... everything's closed. Language School, the classes on things such as video editing or photography offered at the civic centre in the nightbourhood, activity groups at the gym... Until September I won't be able to do anything, and that if I managed to get into the list of accepted people (usually it's a lottery draw to see who goes to class).
Internet has also failed me. Tried to find other girls for going out, but they always disappear the moment they know I'm trans, or if they discover it from my photos. They always request full body photos, and as usual... ¿Do you have a penis? Good Bye. Maybe I should start lying on that too and say I am post op... I won't talk about guys... You know what they want, ->-bleeped-<-buddies. We will leave that for later.
- Dating: Well, internet dating has proved to be fairly useless, even for attracting ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s. The only used network around here is badoo, which is so plagued with fake profiles that it is not even worth it. neither OK Cupid or Adopt-A-Dude are working, and talking with other girls, they get lots of offers, even for sex, but with me... Nope.
Basically, my only chance is to go out on my own and see what happens on a weekend night... Any tips on meeting people?
We lost the home. As if I did not have enough problems. One of the 11 owners is not selling.
its time to refill my t prescrip
which means i have to deal with the center la
wonder whn ill be getting my next dose...
As much as I want jobs to call back, part of me doesn't want them to call back. I don't look my age. Unless you see me as female. Unless I work at a job where all the guys are teens, I'm screwed - but that won't give me enough in wages, or in stability, to meet my goals. I'd basically be able to pay for my expenses and not save for surgery.
Unless I got several jobs that young men work at (minimum wage, groceries/fast food). I don't look like men my age and they'll figure out that I was born female if I even dare enter a space like that.
It's so depressing. I don't even feel like I can use my bloody education without outing myself. Chances are, whatever job I take, I'll make a point of not making friends because I don't want to have to deal with this.
I guess all I can do is set myself on the right track. Work, save for surgery, and just try to lock people out.
To shower or not to shower?
Shower: I'll be clean
Not shower: I'll have more shaving cream for later, need to buy more soon, along with razorblades. *sigh* I wish I didn't loose that one razor I JUST bought last time I went to the store, I still have all 4 replacement blades I bought for it. I'm down to the last blade on my other two razors. I give them about two full body shaves each.
I won't be really sluggish and depressed as I tend to be after a shower, and my face won't feel really tight.
Eating too much. I'm currently suffering the effects of 'eyes bigger than my stomach', lol. But at least it's nowhere near as bad as it could be. :>
Quote from: Willow on February 24, 2014, 11:27:20 PM
To shower or not to shower?
Shower: I'll be clean
Not shower: I'll have more shaving cream for later, need to buy more soon, along with razorblades. *sigh* I wish I didn't loose that one razor I JUST bought last time I went to the store, I still have all 4 replacement blades I bought for it. I'm down to the last blade on my other two razors. I give them about two full body shaves each.
I won't be really sluggish and depressed as I tend to be after a shower, and my face won't feel really tight.
I've read that you can sharpen disposable razors with jeans.
http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-extend-the-life-of-your-Razor-Blade-keeping/
Possibly may help you in the future! 2 uses is far too little!
Quote from: muffinpants on February 25, 2014, 02:56:22 AMI've read that you can sharpen disposable razors with jeans.
http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-extend-the-life-of-your-Razor-Blade-keeping/
Possibly may help you in the future! 2 uses is far too little!
Considering I shave my entire body (save for my back which I cannot reach) 2 uses is probably about it, normally it's a week on the face.
As long as it doesn't ruin my jeans that sounds good. With only 2 pair I don't want to ruin them.
I'm stressed. I have a test on thursday. I am trying to do my homework, but my internet keeps crashing, my son keeps interrupting me, the msds pages I need to finish my chem homework are apparently down, I don't know the information I need for my bio homework and have no idea where to find it or how to look for it, and I am having trouble concentrating.
My dysphoria has gotten worse. Before, I had an obsession with being seen as myself, but my reflection was mostly just surreal. Now, looking at my reflection is (at risk of sounding melodramatic) disturbing. I am not having trouble knowing who I am on the inside, but I am having trouble equating who I am with myself. It doesn't help that looking at fictional characters I relate to feels more like looking at myself than looking in a mirror does. (Which gets extra confusing when there is more than one and they look different from each other.) I can't comprehend what I'd look like if I looked like myself which really bothers me for reasons I don't know or understand. I don't even really know what I want to look like aside from the obvious and taller. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Maybe I'll write a blog post later.
Oh yeah and I still fancy a straight guy because I still have the ability to feel things for people that I had hoped was gone. Who has barely shown up to school in the past couple weeks which bugs me even though I should be grateful for the distance. Not that it's helping.
Quote from: Edge on February 25, 2014, 01:06:51 PM
I'm stressed. I have a test on thursday. I am trying to do my homework, but my internet keeps crashing, my son keeps interrupting me, the msds pages I need to finish my chem homework are apparently down, I don't know the information I need for my bio homework and have no idea where to find it or how to look for it, and I am having trouble concentrating.
My dysphoria has gotten worse. Before, I had an obsession with being seen as myself, but my reflection was mostly just surreal. Now, looking at my reflection is (at risk of sounding melodramatic) disturbing. I am not having trouble knowing who I am on the inside, but I am having trouble equating who I am with myself. It doesn't help that looking at fictional characters I relate to feels more like looking at myself than looking in a mirror does. (Which gets extra confusing when there is more than one and they look different from each other.) I can't comprehend what I'd look like if I looked like myself which really bothers me for reasons I don't know or understand. I don't even really know what I want to look like aside from the obvious and taller. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Maybe I'll write a blog post later.
I struggled with this. Still do kind of. I'd be glad to talk.
Quote from: FA on February 25, 2014, 01:09:05 PM
I struggled with this. Still do kind of. I'd be glad to talk.
Made a longer version: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,160109.new.html#new
When I was applying to a job online, the page became unavailable due to maintenence and I've been working on the application for over an hour. I feel like I can't win.
Quote from: Malachite on February 26, 2014, 01:12:34 AM
When I was applying to a job online, the page became unavailable due to maintenence and I've been working on the application for over an hour. I feel like I can't win.
Can you download the documents as an HTML, work on them then repost them?
Quote from: Cindy on February 26, 2014, 01:17:02 AM
Can you download the documents as an HTML, work on them then repost them?
I'm not too sure how to do that. I was answering tax eligibilty questions they gave me and beforehand, the instructions gave me a warning that some type of error might occur and if it does then to go back where to whre I started the application, but I can't even get there now and I tried from different computers.
People keep twisting my words around and it's pissing me off. But god forbid I actually show that I'm pissed off because people want me to be a quiet little weakling and put up with crap. Yeah. That's not going to happen.
Quote from: Edge on February 26, 2014, 08:49:46 AM
People keep twisting my words around and it's pissing me off. But god forbid I actually show that I'm pissed off because people want me to be a quiet little weakling and put up with crap. Yeah. That's not going to happen.
Grrrrr get your back up and take em down! :icon_boxing: :icon_chainsaw:
The ladie's room at the animal clinic is especially cold and bad smelling today.
I could make out an almost playdough like smell. Eew.
My brain is in a. Downward spiral
I hate warm bathrooms more than cold ones
Quote from: birkin on February 26, 2014, 05:10:21 PM
I hate warm bathrooms more than cold ones
Whaaat why, how come?
Warm toilet seats? Yuck.
Quote from: Caysee Danielle on February 26, 2014, 05:52:12 PM
Warm toilet seats? Yuck.
It depends on why it was warm. Those fancy Japanese ones have heaters built in.
Quote from: Jill F on February 26, 2014, 05:57:46 PM
It depends on why it was warm. Those fancy Japanese ones have heaters built in.
Give me a warm seat over a cold one any day, I am a comfort creature, got all the roughing it far behind me!
A haircut, bye bye longish hair....
To me, warmth just indicates...bodies.
Quote from: birkin on February 26, 2014, 07:04:26 PM
To me, warmth just indicates...bodies.
C'mon Caleb, do we need to talk, is this some kind of dysphoria stretch hon?
Hips or lack of...
No Shantel, that's just why I hate warm bathrooms. I just imagine it's been full of bodies emanating heat, and of course, it means lot of people pooped there. lol.
My period.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on February 26, 2014, 07:25:43 PM
Hips or lack of...
I wouldn't worry about that. Hell, one of my aunts has no hips and has to wear men's jeans since women's jeans won't fit her.
I'm still sleeping in the afternoon and awake at night, no matter how much caffene I consume at lunch.
everyday, i seem to get deeper into a depression. my weight feels doubled that which it actually is. i wish i didnt have to care anymore. so many things going through my mind. not many options... im starting to slip...
- If I present female I am seen as a transexual by men and a guy by lesbian women
- If I present male I am seem as a crossdresing woman by hetero women
What the fork, man? If I had known that I pass better in male clothing I could have saved a lot in textile. BTW, I have lost all sex appeal for hetero women already. Looks andro look is not really intereating, and muscles, a bad haircut and badly shaved beards are what is looked on a man right now...
Quote from: AppleJack on February 27, 2014, 01:21:52 AM
- If I present female I am seen as a transexual by men and a guy by lesbian women
- If I present male I am seem as a crossdresing woman by hetero women
How do you know that though? Seriously.
The printer at school didn't work yesterday. I hope it works today.
In my genetics class, we were talking about sex chromosomes. As usual in biology classes, the teacher kept saying that XY is male and XX is female which, as an XX (as far as I know) male, really bugs me. Even though we were mostly talking about drosophila.
I got a migraine yesterday because I forgot to eat and drink because I am clearly not the sharpest tack in the box. Also, because my brain wasn't functioning all that well, I screwed up my chem lab results.
My dysphoria is still through the roof.
Quote from: birkin on February 26, 2014, 07:48:44 PM
No Shantel, that's just why I hate warm bathrooms. I just imagine it's been full of bodies emanating heat, and of course, it means lot of people pooped there. lol.
Oh I get it, here's a book you should get, it will help you get past your poo phobia! :D ;D :laugh:
http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Turtleback-Library-Binding-Edition/dp/0613685725 (http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Turtleback-Library-Binding-Edition/dp/0613685725)
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 26, 2014, 08:01:30 PM
My period.
Not fun for Mr. Hockey and our FtM brothers.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2F320x240q90%2F36%2Fsrm5.jpg&hash=f2f229ae163099ef4d85ff993ae66c5bbacf1f81) (https://imageshack.com/i/10srm5j)
Quote from: Shantel on February 27, 2014, 10:46:00 AM
Not fun for Mr. Hockey and our FtM brothers.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2F320x240q90%2F36%2Fsrm5.jpg&hash=f2f229ae163099ef4d85ff993ae66c5bbacf1f81) (https://imageshack.com/i/10srm5j)
The dysphoria is maddening today.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 27, 2014, 10:55:22 AM
The dysphoria is maddening today.
I understand, hang in there it will pass!
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 27, 2014, 10:55:22 AMThe dysphoria is maddening today.
Check out the what made you laugh thread, I've got something that will take away your blues, even if just a second.
Everything... there are days when I really hate being alive... I can't stand to any more of this.
This morning I was happy. I walked 6 kilometers, taking breaks to contemple how the nature is beautiful. Then I checked my weight and I reached my lowest weight ever (65.7 kg).
But then I arrived home and my mother was (again) lying on the floor almost unconscious. She got drunk again and couldn't even stand, walk or talk. After spending hours helping her, she started being rude and calling me bad names. Now she thinks I got her meds (controlled meds, she shoudn't take them with alcohol) and hide them somewhere (she is always losing them)!
I feel hate, anger and sadness...I feel completely lost...I want my freedom, but I fear for my mother safety. I can't carry this cross anymore, the weight is killing me! I don't know what to do... I can only cry in despair.
So tired of hiding who I am. I really don't care if I pass or not, it's got to be better than living as someone else for one more day, right?
My mom and sister think they are getting sick because of my other sister's young daughter that was over here yesterday. She kept sneezing every where. I hope I don't catch anything. This is why I don't like to be around her....
Having to face the fact that transition is not a magic cure all for my problems, in fact to be true to who i am, I have to start big leaps on those problems before even planning
My brother asked for my help with something and then belittled my efforts. I told him that there was no room in the back of the truck for any more boxes - that at most we could fit 2 - so he could stop bringing them up. He goes "yeah I bet you didn't push them back there's tons of room" and I said, no, that we could fit only two more in. That he could go look himself. So he goes "ha, bet I am looking for nothing." He rearranges some boxes, we put more in. Guess how many fit in? TWO. Like I said. So he goes "yeah but we can put the rest in the back." So I start putting stuff in the backseat, it's packed, and I say no more. He says to put more in. At this point, I get pretty angry and say "fine, but I won't be responsible if anything of this stuff breaks." I carry it out (no one holds the door for me so I'm opening it with a heavy microwave in my arms) and he says "pfft, just like dad."
At that point I lose it and yell back "I'M DOING MY BEST." And he just starts going "yeah buddy, so glad you're leaving. So glad you're leaving. You can't handle your stress at all." I stuff the crap in the back, and guess what he does? Rearranges it and then goes "I can't see when I'm driving with this much in the back here."
Yeah, I got stressed! I hate when people ask for my help, and then belittle the help I give them. Especially when I am right! I'm the one putting the boxes in the back, I'm going to be able to see how many can fit better than someone who doesn't even step outside.
I hate people. I'm not an aggressive person, and I prefer to let others take the lead and make decisions because I'm easy-going. But when I speak up, they assume that because I am not the most dominant or aggressive person that I must be wrong. And belittle what I say.
Quote from: Natalia on February 27, 2014, 03:26:08 PM
Everything... there are days when I really hate being alive... I can't stand to any more of this.
This morning I was happy. I walked 6 kilometers, taking breaks to contemple how the nature is beautiful. Then I checked my weight and I reached my lowest weight ever (65.7 kg).
But then I arrived home and my mother was (again) lying on the floor almost unconscious. She got drunk again and couldn't even stand, walk or talk. After spending hours helping her, she started being rude and calling me bad names. Now she thinks I got her meds (controlled meds, she shoudn't take them with alcohol) and hide them somewhere (she is always losing them)!
I feel hate, anger and sadness...I feel completely lost...I want my freedom, but I fear for my mother safety. I can't carry this cross anymore, the weight is killing me! I don't know what to do... I can only cry in despair.
That sounds very difficult. Hang in there hon.
Another person who met me as Victor slipped and called me "she" despite knowing I'm a man.
I posted one of those birthday games on facebook. One of my male friends complained (jokingly, but that's not what bugs me) that all the characters in it are male and that it was "for female fans." Because all women like men and no men like men apparently. Ouch to a few people I know myself included.
I just realized I forgot my notes in the classroom. I may not be getting them back.
I woke up feeling sick, went back to bed, and didn't get up until after 4 PM. :-\
Quote from: Natalia on February 27, 2014, 03:26:08 PMEverything... there are days when I really hate being alive... I can't stand to any more of this.
This morning I was happy. I walked 6 kilometers, taking breaks to contemple how the nature is beautiful. Then I checked my weight and I reached my lowest weight ever (65.7 kg).
But then I arrived home and my mother was (again) lying on the floor almost unconscious. She got drunk again and couldn't even stand, walk or talk. After spending hours helping her, she started being rude and calling me bad names. Now she thinks I got her meds (controlled meds, she shoudn't take them with alcohol) and hide them somewhere (she is always losing them)!
I feel hate, anger and sadness...I feel completely lost...I want my freedom, but I fear for my mother safety. I can't carry this cross anymore, the weight is killing me! I don't know what to do... I can only cry in despair.
You probably should have taken her to the hospital, taking controlled meds with alcohol is potentially life threatening. You probably could have explained your predicament (being unable to give her the proper care with the way she acts) and they could have helped you enact a plan.
Your mother has problems, bad problems. And they're hurting the both of you.
Finding this very hard at the moment.
The darkness has returned. :(
Monster league migraine :P
Went to bed with a massive pain in my hip joint and hardly slept.
I think my brother is ,,, treating me extremely like a guy...
wtf I surely dont expect him to call me with female pronouns , but everyday I keep hearing man , boy , dude...
ffs...
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
Even showering in a bathroom attached to my room makes me feel depressed. I see my body, my male boned face covered in acne, my lack of breasts, my body hair that regenerates faster than a flatworm, I just can't feel female after showering. It's almost like my fault female appearance is just a disguise, easily pealed off, not easily put on, never believed, I can't ever feel right with myself, waiting for a miracle to change me overnight. Hormones will take months, years, maybe never get me near where I want. Surgeries help but are expensive and not avaliable to me right now. I just want to lock myself away until everything is done. I don't want to see myself, or have anyone else see me, until then.
Dysphoria.
I've fallen behind on my stats reading and homework.
In a conversation, someone asked me if I thought like a guy. (sarcasm->) Noooo really? I'd argue that every guy thinks like at least one guy.
Last night, and today in general, is the worst my skin problems have been in years and it's causing me a lot of pain.
-40 wind chills in March
Quote from: G:W:Y:N:N:E on March 01, 2014, 03:53:47 PM
-40 wind chills in March
I know right?? It's so horrible right now. I understand it's like that in a lot of places - Edmonton, Winnipeg, etc.
I had a really, really bad dysphoria attack last night. I mean, to the point where I wondered if there was any point in transitioning at all because of the way I look. I wonder if I really do look female still, or if I have some major dysphoria issues that I need to work through.
Quote from: birkin on March 01, 2014, 04:11:56 PM
I know right?? It's so horrible right now. I understand it's like that in a lot of places - Edmonton, Winnipeg, etc.
Regina and Stoon both set new records overnight. Craaaazy. :(
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through.
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
Oh my god. That's horrible. :(
My thoughts are with you.
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
oh man, how did I not see this post before? I'm so sorry. :( It's so sad how you can't always know who you trust.
Thank you for your kind words Gwynne, Caysee and Birkin I appreciate your comments.
Emily.T xx
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
I am the father of three daughters. That is any parent's worst nightmare.
I would be beyond angry. If I could get my hands on the bastard I'd make a eunuch out of him.
He's just lucky he was out of town when I found out he will be arrested tomorrow
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
That's infuriating, I'm sorry for you and especially your daughter, may he enjoy a future in Hell!
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
Quote from: Shantel on March 02, 2014, 09:45:30 AM
That's infuriating, I'm sorry for you and especially your daughter, may he enjoy a future in Hell!
Infuriating - That's the best term to describe how I'm feeling as well
Best wishes to you and your daughter
Hugs
Dad's on a bender again.
Quote from: big kim on March 02, 2014, 11:00:47 AM
Dad's on a bender again.
Oh that vicious cycle, like a dog chasing it's tail. Hugs hon, hang in there!
Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts it will be a long road to recovery.
Quote from: Jamie D on March 02, 2014, 02:00:45 AM
I am the father of three daughters. That is any parent's worst nightmare.
I would be beyond angry. If I could get my hands on the bastard I'd make a eunuch out of him.
he'd be a corpse or less than a corpse if i had my way. Touch my child and you die a horrible death.
I'm otherwise non-violent, anti-violence, a complete pacifist, but harm those close to me and you'd better run. Actually harm any children or dogs/cats in my vicinity and you're dead meat. And if i know that someone did it, that person would do well to stay VERY far away from me. I don't know any laws when it comes to this. Sorry, but that's where all bets are off. And i am a very law-abiding citizen otherwise.
My period is on.
Sting's "standard" pitch exceeds my maximum.
Quote from: Emily.T on March 01, 2014, 05:17:52 AM
I found out today that one of my so called friends has been molesting my daughter I AM SO MAD I have spent all afternoon with the police. Not the day that I expected.
oh dear, that is terrible indeed. Sadly you just can't trust some people. Wonderful though that you did find out and acted decisively to protect your daughter - my deepest wish is that she hasn't been too badly traumatised and that she will be able to heal. Hopefully this won't effect custody proceedings with your ex... :-\
Thank you so much Grace for your thoughts and kind words I guess only time will tell how she will recover from this and if it will effect custody in any way.
Emily.T xx
My new binders came in. I got one of the kind I already had and a new kind because the website said it would be as flattening, but more comfortable. It's so short, my chest almost sticks out the bottom and barely flattens at all.
Being on the second day of my period, which is the heaviest day :/
Friendship can be taxing at times.
that paper that wouldn't print for that one class -_-
Reading about the pos-operative after SRS in Chett's website...
At this moment I don't feel so ready... Stuck in the hotel for 18 days? Only eating there (Hotel food usually is expensive).
I've never been stuck to a bed for that long. Sheeeesh.
Im not gonna go into details
but all I wanted to say is that I feel really really sad, I feel the saddest in my already sad enough life...
I wonder what Id do if I didnt had supporting friends and family...
Anyway if you feel sad too we can at least feel sad together...
Maybe that will lessen the pain a little...
Woke up this morning and felt my whole body was intensely wrong. My transition is too far away. :(
Water main break means no city water for two three days. :(
Quote from: AppleJack on March 04, 2014, 04:05:16 PMReading about the pos-operative after SRS in Chett's website...
At this moment I don't feel so ready... Stuck in the hotel for 18 days? Only eating there (Hotel food usually is expensive).
I've never been stuck to a bed for that long. Sheeeesh.
Me neither, I gotta get up and move!
Probably it's partially because I found out I was diagnosed with ADHD without anyone telling me about it or being treated for it.
Quote from: Willow on March 04, 2014, 05:36:34 PM
Probably it's partially because I found out I was diagnosed with ADHD without anyone telling me about it or being treated for it.
Wow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
I didn't get that formal diagnosis until I was 43. I wasted almost 6 years to get a worthless degree in college because I failed out of all the meaningful classes that could have led to something lucrative. In fact, I had zero aim, zero ambition and was only there because my parents said I had to be. I had the raw IQ to where I could have been an excellent doctor, lawyer or business executive, but instead I was self-medicating and didn't care about school. Oh well, at least ADD made me a pretty good musician and I have a really nice guitar collection now. I even have a pink one, a green one, a blue one and a yellow one if you get the reference. :D
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 06:19:32 PM
Wow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
ADD here too. Though I seem to have gotten the quadfecta. ADD is often codependent with Dyslexia, as well as autism. Got those too. Though, in fairness, my dyslexia was deemed mild. I'm kinda a mess.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 06:19:32 PMWow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
I didn't get that formal diagnosis until I was 43. I wasted almost 6 years to get a worthless degree in college because I failed out of all the meaningful classes that could have led to something lucrative. In fact, I had zero aim, zero ambition and was only there because my parents said I had to be. I had the raw IQ to where I could have been an excellent doctor, lawyer or business executive, but instead I was self-medicating and didn't care about school. Oh well, at least ADD made me a pretty good musician and I have a really nice guitar collection now. I even have a pink one, a green one, a blue one and a yellow one if you get the reference. :D
I'm in a similar situation, except I can't play guitar for my life. I tried to dabble into electronic music, but I can't find a program that combines what I want, ease of use, and free.
I have no direction in my life. The only thing I want to do it travel. Don't need a college degree for that. I've changed my major 5 times this year already, and am on the brink of another major change. I failed pretty hard last semester (.8 GPA) and if I don't get a 3.3 GPA this semester, I'll fail out and be done with college forever; I won't be able to get in anywhere else. I'm trying my best, but I just can't concentrate in class. I'm listening to the professor talk, and doing something else at the same time, remembering the key points. Or at least, so I think. I then blank out on the test. I never learned how to take notes, and when I try to, my mind wanders to more interesting or important (as determined by my brain) matters. Same with studying. My dad gets frustrated with me when I tell him I do neither on a regular basis because it really doesn't help.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 06:31:01 PMADD here too. Though I seem to have gotten the quadfecta. ADD is often codependent with Dyslexia, as well as autism. Got those too. Though, in fairness, my dyslexia was deemed mild. I'm kinda a mess.
Tried to once bring up the former, primarily in a motor sense (certainly not a reading sense, I've read at a tertiary level since 3rd grade) like I say right and mean left and vice versa all the time, but was shot down for my outstanding reading ability. The latter, well, it became hurtful when my mother said she'd rather have had me diagnosed with Asperger's (what she suspected) than GID.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 06:19:32 PM
Wow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
I didn't get that formal diagnosis until I was 43. I wasted almost 6 years to get a worthless degree in college because I failed out of all the meaningful classes that could have led to something lucrative. In fact, I had zero aim, zero ambition and was only there because my parents said I had to be. I had the raw IQ to where I could have been an excellent doctor, lawyer or business executive, but instead I was self-medicating and didn't care about school. Oh well, at least ADD made me a pretty good musician and I have a really nice guitar collection now. I even have a pink one, a green one, a blue one and a yellow one if you get the reference. :D
So you're a very tall, late transitioning TS with ADD... Can you like be my mentor? Lol
While working on my bike I realized it needs a new rear axle :P
Quote from: Willow on March 04, 2014, 06:42:21 PM
I'm in a similar situation, except I can't play guitar for my life. I tried to dabble into electronic music, but I can't find a program that combines what I want, ease of use, and free.
I have no direction in my life. The only thing I want to do it travel. Don't need a college degree for that. I've changed my major 5 times this year already, and am on the brink of another major change. I failed pretty hard last semester (.8 GPA) and if I don't get a 3.3 GPA this semester, I'll fail out and be done with college forever; I won't be able to get in anywhere else.
I never learned how to take notes, and when I try to, my mind wanders to more interesting or important (as determined by my brain) matters. Same with studying. My dad gets frustrated with me when I tell him I do neither on a regular basis because it really doesn't help.
I feel you. I'm still in community college trying to figure out what I can do career-wise for the rest of my life. And feel like I've just thrown a monkey wrench into my already limited options by deciding to transition.
As far as note taking goes, I found a sketchbook helped a lot. Kept my mind in the immediate so I could listen to the professor, and slowly taught myself to scribble down important stuff on the side of the page while I sketched. Different things work for different people, but worth a shot or finding what helps you keep your mind in the present and using that to help teach you to take notes. As long as it isn't disruptive to the class.
Quote from: Willow on March 04, 2014, 06:42:21 PM
Tried to once bring up the former, primarily in a motor sense (certainly not a reading sense, I've read at a tertiary level since 3rd grade) like I say right and mean left and vice versa all the time, but was shot down for my outstanding reading ability. The latter, well, it became hurtful when my mother said she'd rather have had me diagnosed with Asperger's (what she suspected) than GID.
I was diagnosed as a kid along with ADD. Mild, because I showed signs of dyslexia, mixing up right and left, starting letters from the wrong point (either top instead of bottom, or bottom instead of top. I forget which is the correct way. And was still young enough I hadn't taught myself to fully overcome in terms of spelling and writing letters backwards. However, I was reading Jurassic park and Peter Benchley in 3rd grade, so... mild.
I'm sorry hun. :( No one should have their parents say things that hurtful. Also you're mother is really offensive not only to Trans* but also to those on the autism spectrum. If you need someone to talk to, or advice on managing ADD (I'm hardly an expert and can't promise what works for me, will work for you, but hey, it's always worth a try right?) Don't hesitate to pm me, okay?
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 06:19:32 PM
Wow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
I didn't get that formal diagnosis until I was 43. I wasted almost 6 years to get a worthless degree in college because I failed out of all the meaningful classes that could have led to something lucrative. In fact, I had zero aim, zero ambition and was only there because my parents said I had to be. I had the raw IQ to where I could have been an excellent doctor, lawyer or business executive, but instead I was self-medicating and didn't care about school. Oh well, at least ADD made me a pretty good musician and I have a really nice guitar collection now. I even have a pink one, a green one, a blue one and a yellow one if you get the reference. :D
That's a cute reference :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fjamespfitzgerald.files.wordpress.com%2F2010%2F09%2Fsuburbia-thumbnail.jpg&hash=9362c0fa7319be027ff97c75ca76a850df95f8c0)
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 07:14:45 PMI feel you. I'm still in community college trying to figure out what I can do career-wise for the rest of my life. And feel like I've just thrown a monkey wrench into my already limited options by deciding to transition.
As far as note taking goes, I found a sketchbook helped a lot. Kept my mind in the immediate so I could listen to the professor, and slowly taught myself to scribble down important stuff on the side of the page while I sketched. Different things work for different people, but worth a shot or finding what helps you keep your mind in the present and using that to help teach you to take notes. As long as it isn't disruptive to the class.
I was diagnosed as a kid along with ADD. Mild, because I showed signs of dyslexia, mixing up right and left, starting letters from the wrong point (either top instead of bottom, or bottom instead of top. I forget which is the correct way. And was still young enough I hadn't taught myself to fully overcome in terms of spelling and writing letters backwards. However, I was reading Jurassic park and Peter Benchley in 3rd grade, so... mild.
I'm sorry hun. :( No one should have their parents say things that hurtful. Also you're mother is really offensive not only to Trans* but also to those on the autism spectrum. If you need someone to talk to, or advice on managing ADD (I'm hardly an expert and can't promise what works for me, will work for you, but hey, it's always worth a try right?) Don't hesitate to pm me, okay?
I have my computer to distract me :/
I can't write in lowercase print, I write some letters backwards too. And I don't always write letter "the right way" so people wouldn't know what I'm trying to write even if they could read my handwriting. To this day I cannot also spell business without spellcheck. No matter how many times I look at the word, every time I write or type it, it's always wrong.
I try to ignore her, she's been really abrasive about all this. TBH I'd rather she not try and be in my life rather than her trying to act like I'm not me. After apologising for acting like an ->-bleeped-<- because that's how men stereotypically act, and I tried to act like a man through my teenage years but failed, she said she'd rather me be an ->-bleeped-<- guy than a polite woman.
I'll take your advice :)
I have found having so much class work and such require computer and internet to be a very bad thing.
Most of my distractions are online! And you're sending me there to get stuff done!? Yeah, that doesn't work like that...
I would pretty much say you are dyslexic to some degree. Can't formally diagnose you or to what degree, but you do fit.
It's hard to ignore those that are close to you, especially parents. But she's wrong. You're you, and nothing she prefers will change that. You'll also be a hugely better and happier person being yourself than trying to be something else for other people. I like you for who you are. You're a nifty person.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 08:10:59 PMI have found having so much class work and such require computer and internet to be a very bad thing.
Most of my distractions are online! And you're sending me there to get stuff done!? Yeah, that doesn't work like that...
I would pretty much say you are dyslexic to some degree. Can't formally diagnose you or to what degree, but you do fit.
It's hard to ignore those that are close to you, especially parents. But she's wrong. You're you, and nothing she prefers will change that. You'll also be a hugely better and happier person being yourself than trying to be something else for other people. I like you for who you are. You're a nifty person.
All my classes except anthropology(the professor has to be at least 70, doesn't know how to work a computer very well either) rely heavily on the internet and computing in general. Easy distraction for me.
I've always thought so, but the therapist I saw in high school thought I was a moron for bringing it up, so I dropped it as soon as I did.
She's only communicated with me 3 times since my birthday, which was the day before I left to come back to school (kinda, dad kept me at his place in Ohio for 5 days or so, so I wouldn't be back over a week before classes resumed) which was nearly 10 weeks ago. Never answered my calls, emails, or texts. Texted me twice about my sister's colour guard, and sent me a package for Valentine's day, candy, chocolate, and a Calvin and Hobbes comic. Not sure if she intentionally picked "Weirdos from Another Planet" or not, but it still hurt a little.
If they aren't receptive to you asking for medication, avoid mentioning medication and talking about how hard it is to focus and how distracted you get, giving examples if you're prompted to, and also if you aren't.
Also make sure they are a psychiatrist. psychologists aren't MDs. They can't prescribe and usually don't try to refer you to someone who can, they'll just work on your issues. A psychiatrist is an MD and thus can prescribe. And they have the stereotype of loving to prescribe. It's a stereotype, so that's not exactly true, but at the same time it is. They know what medications can help what issues, and can prescribe them, so yeah they do like to prescribe, not because they are pill happy but because it can and often does help. Some of them are pill happy...
Hugs. I hope things will get better for you between your mom and you. I honestly do.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 08:43:26 PM
If they aren't receptive to you asking for medication, avoid mentioning medication and talking about how hard it is to focus and how distracted you get, giving examples if you're prompted to, and also if you aren't.
Also make sure they are a psychiatrist. psychologists aren't MDs. They can't prescribe and usually don't try to refer you to someone who can, they'll just work on your issues. A psychiatrist is an MD and thus can prescribe. And they have the stereotype of loving to prescribe. It's a stereotype, so that's not exactly true, but at the same time it is. They know what medications can help what issues, and can prescribe them, so yeah they do like to prescribe, not because they are pill happy but because it can and often does help. Some of them are pill happy...
Hugs. I hope things will get better for you between your mom and you. I honestly do.
I need to check on appointmests soon then, if I don't want to fail.
Quote from: Willow on March 04, 2014, 08:24:46 PM
All my classes except anthropology(the professor has to be at least 70, doesn't know how to work a computer very well either) rely heavily on the internet and computing in general. Easy distraction for me.
I've always thought so, but the therapist I saw in high school thought I was a moron for bringing it up, so I dropped it as soon as I did.
She's only communicated with me 3 times since my birthday, which was the day before I left to come back to school (kinda, dad kept me at his place in Ohio for 5 days or so, so I wouldn't be back over a week before classes resumed) which was nearly 10 weeks ago. Never answered my calls, emails, or texts. Texted me twice about my sister's colour guard, and sent me a package for Valentine's day, candy, chocolate, and a Calvin and Hobbes comic. Not sure if she intentionally picked "Weirdos from Another Planet" or not, but it still hurt a little.
Aaaand that's the degree I ended up with...
I definitely would, medication helps a bunch.
I have a mix of two variations of executive dysfunction unfortunately. The ADD variety is caused by neurotransmitter issues. Medication fixes by blocking the reuptake of the neurotransmitter, allowing more of it getting to the receiving neurons.
The Autism variety is a issue of neural connectivity. There are just weak connections. Medication doesn't help this.
But I'd be utterly useless without medication.
There are ways of dealing with it without meds, but I'm still trying to figure those out, so can't help you at all there.
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 09:06:58 PM
Aaaand that's the degree I ended up with...
I'll see your Anthropology and raise you a Philosophy ;)
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 06:19:32 PM
Wow, you too? Seems ADD and trans* go hand-in-hand.
I didn't get that formal diagnosis until I was 43. I wasted almost 6 years to get a worthless degree in college because I failed out of all the meaningful classes that could have led to something lucrative. In fact, I had zero aim, zero ambition and was only there because my parents said I had to be. I had the raw IQ to where I could have been an excellent doctor, lawyer or business executive, but instead I was self-medicating and didn't care about school.
My therapist thinks I have ADD a bit as well. I'm in school and doing OK but could and should definitely be doing better than I am. Going to class makes me sleepy and I start yawning uncontrollably after about a half hour or so even if I'm interested in what they're talking bout.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 08:10:59 PM
I have found having so much class work and such require computer and internet to be a very bad thing.
Most of my distractions are online! And you're sending me there to get stuff done!? Yeah, that doesn't work like that...
I took an online class once. Whenever I would get on my computer to do stuff for it, someone would msg me or something and I'd totally get distracted and start playing games and not doing anything school related. Dropped that class after not being able to do anything on it after a few weeks...
Oh and what made me unhappy today? When to take a 2 hour nap after work, woke up 6 hours later...will be up all night now.
Quote from: G:W:Y:N:N:E on March 04, 2014, 09:49:10 PM
I'll see your Anthropology and raise you a Philosophy ;)
So your bong was cleaner than your dishes, or were you an "I drink therefore I am?"
I was both. *le sigh*
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 10:08:03 PM
So your bong was cleaner than your dishes, or were you an "I drink therefore I am?"
I was both. *le sigh*
the former at home, the latter at gigs
Quote from: Willow on March 04, 2014, 05:36:34 PM
Me neither, I gotta get up and move!
Probably it's partially because I found out I was diagnosed with ADHD without anyone telling me about it or being treated for it.
I have ADHD as well, Willow. I didn't find out until a couple months ago.
And Emily T, I'm so sorry about your daughter. Pedophiles/child abusers are at the very bottom of the pile. Hope he rots.
Hot on the heels of my supervisor at work (who I really respected and enjoyed working with) leaving last week, the boss has now declared she'll be leaving in three months time. I greatly respect this woman too, even though working with her has on occasion been a tad frustrating (no doubt she'd say the same of me!). Both know of my gender transition and have been very supportive of it, now neither of them will be around and it will be a totally new management to deal with. Our organisation (and the work it does) has a very strong ethos around acceptance and non-discrimination so that's not the primary issue, it's just a shame to lose two wonderful women who I already knew were very supportive. :-\
...sigh... :(
I have blue balls. I haven't suffered from that since march 2012, and I thought it would be pretty much impossible with the current size of my testes. But heck, My libido is so high now that I am suffering from accumulated sexual tension. The last HRT dosage modification has made me fully sexually active... Not funny without a partner.
My wife confronted me about how withdrawn I've been, and said she basically thinks that something is going on in my head and I'm keeping her out and I'm just gonna drop it in her suddenly. She is unfortunately correct. She knows I have transgender feelings, but I've basically decided to go on hormones in a year or so, after getting a few other things in order. I may have to go full disclosure.
Some of my friends have been ignoring me and I get the impression at least a couple of them are mad at me for some reason. However, they have said nothing to me, I can't read minds, and I have no idea what I could have done to make them mad. (No, they have never seen or heard me lose my temper.) Their loss.
Quote from: Edge on March 05, 2014, 05:55:21 AM
Some of my friends have been ignoring me and I get the impression at least a couple of them are mad at me for some reason. However, they have said nothing to me, I can't read minds, and I have no idea what I could have done to make them mad. (No, they have never seen or heard me lose my temper.) Their loss.
Dealing with a similar situation
Hugs
Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 09:06:58 PMAaaand that's the degree I ended up with...
I went from undecided to chem engineering to GIS to pre-pharmacy (while thinking about actuarial science) to computer science to psychology, and is not working out for me.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 04, 2014, 09:08:34 PMI definitely would, medication helps a bunch.
I have a mix of two variations of executive dysfunction unfortunately. The ADD variety is caused by neurotransmitter issues. Medication fixes by blocking the reuptake of the neurotransmitter, allowing more of it getting to the receiving neurons.
The Autism variety is a issue of neural connectivity. There are just weak connections. Medication doesn't help this.
But I'd be utterly useless without medication.
There are ways of dealing with it without meds, but I'm still trying to figure those out, so can't help you at all there.
I've been very leery of trusting psychopharmecuticals; the four medications I've been given over time have done either nothing, or only the side effects happened. Same with the medication they gave me for OCD. All it did was raise my blood pressure (therefore giving me more spontaneous erections. Eew) increase my libido (eew) and make me sleep for 15 hours a day. ADHD is more concrete a treatment than depression than OCD, so I'd be willing to give out a try.
I feel invisible
Quote from: Edge on March 05, 2014, 08:52:36 AMMe too.
Same. Almost like people are trying to avoid me because they fear something bad will happen in my presence.
Quote from: NathanielM on March 05, 2014, 06:33:14 AM
I feel invisible
Quote from: Edge on March 05, 2014, 08:52:36 AM
Me too.
Quote from: Willow on March 05, 2014, 09:01:29 AM
Same. Almost like people are trying to avoid me because they fear something bad will happen in my presence.
I have felt this so much in my life. And almost always have ended up being wrong and causing more damage if I acted on it.
While I honestly can't say either way, as I don't know your situations or lives, from personal experience, I would suggest trying to ignore the thoughts, brush them away, and tell yourself you're not invisible or being avoided. Because often times you really aren't, other people just got busy and such, and things will be back to the way they were in no time.
Took me a long time to figure that out, and have been happier for it.
Again, I really don't know your situations and lives so I can't say, and this is by no means me preaching or trying to tell you your problems are all in your head and blah blah blah... I'm merely giving some possibly helpful advice based on my own experience with said issue.
I hope it works out for you three.
I think almost everyone has felt 'invisible' at various times, I know I have
Sometimes it kinda hurt my feelings and I felt depressed about it :-\ Then other times I was kinda of glad and thought it was a good thing because I didn't like the attention I was getting from some individuals
Like most everything, it can go either way - Just try not to let it bring you down
Hugs
Quote from: RobinTheAmazon on March 05, 2014, 05:31:32 AM
My wife confronted me about how withdrawn I've been, and said she basically thinks that something is going on in my head and I'm keeping her out and I'm just gonna drop it in her suddenly. She is unfortunately correct. She knows I have transgender feelings, but I've basically decided to go on hormones in a year or so, after getting a few other things in order. I may have to go full disclosure.
I've been there. Still recovering from the fallout. Good luck. :(
I can't find one of the stoppers to my already messed up laptop cooling fan.
My e button will hardly work. I have to press it hard for it to appear.
This is for all of you having a rough day today.. :icon_hug: :-*
Dropped a (glass) jar of popcorn, was making some for the hockey game.
It didn't break, but the lid came off, scattering popcorn kernels everywhere.
I still haven't been able to clean them all up.
OMG. I tipped over my XBox by mistake and the game inside (Resident Evil 6) got a big, fat, circular scratch all around the disk. -_-
Reading in the local paper about a 2 year old girl who died after taking her parents methadone.The saddest thing I've read for a long time
Had plans to visit a friend down near San Diego, and just hang out. We were going to go shopping at thrift stores, and she was going to teach me about make-up. I was really looking forward to it, but now it fell through and I'm feeling extremely self-conscious now.
I feel sick and dizzy.
feeling very confused and conflicted about a lot of aspects of my life. :-\
I got carded for liquor. I mean, really? On what planet am I 20? Either that idiot was blind or he wanted to satisfy his curiosity about me.
I use a 20 year old ID because it looks more like me now than the current one and I cover the name and gender marker with a fortune cookie fortune that keeps the DOB exposed.
Suck it, BevMo!
Quote from: Jill F on March 07, 2014, 09:08:23 PM
I got carded for liquor. I mean, really? On what planet am I 20? Either that idiot was blind or he wanted to satisfy his curiosity about me.
Sounds like abuse of power.
Seems like something is way off here and its pretty darned disconcerting.
searching for something else and finding transphobic crap on the internet >_<
my healed up incision started leaking puss...now theres a small hole on one of them.
i thought i was finally done with worrying and now im right back to it. sigh.
Quote from: Donna Troy on March 08, 2014, 03:29:12 PM
searching for something else and finding transphobic crap on the internet >_<
God I hate that.
Quote from: Donna Troy on March 08, 2014, 03:29:12 PM
searching for something else and finding transphobic crap on the internet >_<
I found some transphobic crap yesterday on YouTube watching a video about this little girl who was a MTF. It's disgusting seeing comments saying the girl should be put into a mental hospital and her parents should be put in prison. :-\
Something is wrong with GTA V Online where every tim I go into the session, I'm iether alone or everyone leaves at once. What's the point of trying to get the minigun if there's no one to use it on?
Quote from: Malachite on March 08, 2014, 06:33:17 PM
Something is wrong with GTA V Online where every tim I go into the session, I'm iether alone or everyone leaves at once. What's the point of trying to get the minigun if there's no one to use it on?
They probably know what a smokin badass with the minigun you are!
Quote from: Shantel on March 08, 2014, 07:17:31 PM
They probably know what a smokin badass with the minigun you are!
lol but I still had over 10 levels to go before I could have obtained one though.
Quote from: Malachite on March 08, 2014, 07:24:49 PM
lol but I still had over 10 levels to go before I could have obtained one though.
Let's just chalk it up to they're suspicious!
My computer keeps glitching.
Quote from: Shantel on March 08, 2014, 08:08:39 PM
Let's just chalk it up to they're suspicious!
Lol perhaps
ongoing violence in the apartment next door.
people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.
Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2014, 05:45:57 AM
ongoing violence in the apartment next door.
people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.
That's like saying she deserved to be raped because she was dressed provocatively, sorry bass-todds huh?
Quote from: Felix on March 09, 2014, 05:45:57 AM
ongoing violence in the apartment next door.
people keep saying it's the girl's own fault, because she's where she is due to choices she made, but I don't see how failing to make "correct" choices would make a person deserve to get beat up and made fun of.
Seeing this. :( Not only for the girl, but for Felix and his daughter. That must be very difficult hearing that all the time and feeling helpless to do anything for her.
My boots are falling apart.
Dad won't give me more money for them because he thinks they are in OK shape to last me the next 2 months, and I have "enough" clothes, preferring for me to wait to buy more until after the semestre is over and I can go find some sort of job for the summer.
On the counter, he did buy me a lot of things yesterday, including a nice meal, and may also pay for hormones if it doesn't work out with insurance. But I meed more clothes and shoes!
I have an annoying cough. :-\
I was going to post about my crazy sister and what I had to deal with this morning, but I'm afraid of embarrassing them by going into specifics and deleted my original detailed post. So I'll just say that I feel like I'm living with a member of the gestapo and it's amazing that I get treated the way I do by a family member. Seriously, if I told you all the "rules" and "demands" I have to follow to keep the peace and stop, you would think Chamberlain is less of an appeaser. It's amazing. I'm just sick of being bossed around and treated like garbage or an animal by her. It's been like this since I was a kid and it's nor fair how much of a dictator she can be with everyone her life (even my mother). Believe me, if I explained the crap I get put through, no one would be shocked at my self esteem levels and why I hate confrontation of all kind. I love her and we're really close, but sometimes I'm just amazed at how selfish and inconsiderate she is of other people. It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve. It's always been all about her and she is always right. I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting. eh....
Quote from: learningtolive on March 10, 2014, 07:30:36 AM
It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve. It's always been all about her and she is always right. I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting. eh....
Cinderella had two sisters like that! I have seen that dynamic in families and it isn't pretty, hang in there honey! ((hugs))
Depression is coming back. Hard. No motivation to do anything.
Of course that happens on the day classes resume.
Quote from: learningtolive on March 10, 2014, 07:30:36 AM
I was going to post about my crazy sister and what I had to deal with this morning, but I'm afraid of embarrassing them by going into specifics and deleted my original detailed post. So I'll just say that I feel like I'm living with a member of the gestapo and it's amazing that I get treated the way I do by a family member. Seriously, if I told you all the "rules" and "demands" I have to follow to keep the peace and stop, you would think Chamberlain is less of an appeaser. It's amazing. I'm just sick of being bossed around and treated like garbage or an animal by her. It's been like this since I was a kid and it's nor fair how much of a dictator she can be with everyone her life (even my mother). Believe me, if I explained the crap I get put through, no one would be shocked at my self esteem levels and why I hate confrontation of all kind. I love her and we're really close, but sometimes I'm just amazed at how selfish and inconsiderate she is of other people. It's like empathy or altruism are concepts that she can't even concieve. It's always been all about her and she is always right. I'm tired of it, but I can't speak up because than it leads to screaming and fighting. eh....
Take a look at this, hon. I think you might find it helpful:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fuimano17.html
You do not have to put up with it. You are a human being, with as much right to your own life, wants and needs as anyone else.
Severely depressed, my Mum died last friday and I wasn't there with her, she had a tough life, we didn't always see 'eye to eye' but I still loved her, will miss her and I'm very sad.................... :'( :'( :'(
Oh, Megants, I am so so sorry. Hugs.
Quote from: megants on March 10, 2014, 04:19:16 PM
Severely depressed, my Mum died last friday and I wasn't there with her, she had a tough life, we didn't always see 'eye to eye' but I still loved her, will miss her and I'm very sad.................... :'( :'( :'(
Sorry, my heart goes out to you dear! ((Hugs))
I found some old photos from high school. Damn, I can't believe my hairline was so low back then. And how freaking ugly I was.
The more I look at them, the more dysphoric I get. I can now remember that I was never happy with my body.
Quote from: Shantel on March 10, 2014, 09:20:55 AM
Cinderella had two sisters like that! I have seen that dynamic in families and it isn't pretty, hang in there honey! ((hugs))
Thanks Shantel. It's not all bad, but sometimes I just want to cry out real loud. Yes, we are a dysfunctional family and the family dynamics hurt a lot, but I love them and they're all I have.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 10, 2014, 01:37:17 PM
Take a look at this, hon. I think you might find it helpful:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fuimano17.html
You do not have to put up with it. You are a human being, with as much right to your own life, wants and needs as anyone else.
Thanks Seph. That was a great article and I thank you for sharing. It's just things are much harder than I wish they were. Seriously, I'm not dealing with a normal family situation that can be fixed through talking (believe me). I wish I were, but it's all messed up and always has been. I'm just so upset and resentful towards some of them because they've damaged me so much so early on in my life. If I wasn't afraid of embarrassing everyone or causing them pain I would open up more, but I just can't because it really would. Though, I thank you for all your help.
By the way, my family isn't all bad and I do love them all. So it's not like everything is terrible either. I don't want people to get the wrong idea because I really love them all, including my sister.
My drunken mother took the grilled chicken my sister had for me for the ENTIRE WEEK, cut it up and put it in a big pot of boiling meat. She claimed she thought it was the chicken she made Sunday, but these were are much smaller. I will take part of the blame because I think she would figure it out that she didn't make those. Apparently not, intoxicated or not. Now I'll actually have to make sure to
Last week she brought a large box of honey nut cheerios (my major weakness) and I told her I can't have them and she says that they are for her to eat dry. Yeah right. The bag is STILL unopened I told her to give them to my brother and she's like "no I want to eat them". I know her. She isn't going to eat them. She has a habit of buying and cooking crap and expecting everyone else to eat it. I'm trying to lose weight and she (aside from myself) is my biggest obstacle.
Now she just got done arguing with m and telling me how I don't do anything (which is particually true, but not as bad as she makes it out to be)
I can't wait until I find a job. I hope I can find one with long hours so I can be away from that woman. Yes I said "that woman". I love my mom, but right now, she is "that woman" to me. She takes her problems and frustrations out on me, especially when she is drunk and I hate it.
My dad is the same way lol. He cooks waaaay too much food and then gets mad when people don't eat it. It's like, we can't! lol. Just way too much.
He also was telling me on our trip how he needs to lose weight, and then when I make healthier choices than him, he'll go "ooh that's healthy ha ha" or buy a ton of unhealthy food like donuts.
It's madness I tell ya lol. My mom brought a case of doughnuts the other day and I asked her why did she get them and she said "because they were on sale"
Quote from: Malachite on March 11, 2014, 07:09:58 PM
It's madness I tell ya lol. My mom brought a case of doughnuts the other day and I asked her why did she get them and she said "because they were on sale"
Yeah. I wouldn't mind it so much if my parents didn't go on and on about weight, and then buy that stuff (my dad mostly). But they go on and on about it, and I think "no wonder!"
Any particular reason you think they/he does that?
My car at the dealer, visit #4 for the same problem, and the bill is approaching $2600. To be clear the first two visits were required and repaired the primary problem, visit #3 was a waste, my current visit is because I'm insisting they finish the repair. Diagnosis is running quite long and they are into part swapping to try and find the problem.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 10, 2014, 04:35:08 PM
Oh, Megants, I am so so sorry. Hugs.
Quote from: Shantel on March 10, 2014, 04:55:05 PM
Sorry, my heart goes out to you dear! ((Hugs))
Thank you both so much, I know it will take a little time for it to sink in.
I'm just so glad that she was at home in her own bed, pain free and most importantly not alone, which was always my biggest fear.
((Hugs)) back!
megan.
Things are getting very difficult for me and I struggle each day at the moment. :(
Trying to present male for work while changes are well underway.
Hiding B cups which to me are obvious. Looks like they will only get bigger and bigger.
Some point they will be impossible to hide. ???
I hate him so much yet have to but up with it for some time.
Fell like giving up as it is so hard and I never want to go back. :'(
Just hang in girl. You are getting closer by the day, let 'him' regress, time for jenny to be boss now. It will take time but jenny is waking up - big time.
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 12, 2014, 04:14:12 AM
Fell like giving up as it is so hard and I never want to go back. :'(
I think that's the most difficult thing - despite how wretched the transition process can feel sometimes there's that realisation that not going ahead will be worse. I guess I didn't have that realisation strong enough the first time and did give up...but ultimately still had to revisit it again just to preserve my sanity. I'm starting to realise now that once you're ready then you're ready and you will know it. At the moment you're probably not ready and that's fair enough as it's still early days but it does sound like there's a battle going on in your heart.
Quote from: Jenny07 on March 12, 2014, 04:14:12 AM
Things are getting very difficult for me and I struggle each day at the moment. :(
Trying to present male for work while changes are well underway.
Hiding B cups which to me are obvious. Looks like they will only get bigger and bigger.
Some point they will be impossible to hide. ???
I hate him so much yet have to but up with it for some time.
Fell like giving up as it is so hard and I never want to go back. :'(
I hear ya, babe. I feel like I'm walking around at work with a pair of neon, flashing nametags that read "WTF?".
Quote from: m7♭5 on March 12, 2014, 09:09:07 AM
I hear ya, babe. I feel like I'm walking around at work with a pair of neon, flashing nametags that read "WTF?".
Don't you mean WTF1 and WTF2?? :laugh:
Woke up and found a stretch mark on my left boob :'(
My mom came home early.
Quote from: Donna Troy on March 12, 2014, 12:48:40 PM
Woke up and found a stretch mark on my left boob :'(
Uh-oooh! ???
My son has a bacterial infection and can't go to day care or his autism group until monday. I have a statistics midterm on friday.
I tried to make this morning run smoothly and I failed.
Went to look at the feminine items in the store where i work. I wanted to get some cute undies and/or leggings but i got dysphoria by imagining myself in them.
Being called "->-bleeped-<-" yesterday hurted me. :-\
Quote from: LonelyFrench on March 13, 2014, 01:48:59 AM
Being called "->-bleeped-<-" yesterday hurted me. :-\
Aww <hug> sweetie.
Only got 4 hours of sleep...the *moment* I get upstairs, the parrot starts going hysterical with its deafeaning squawk.
Anyway, I'm cooking an omelette because I want to put some balance and organization into my life and whatnot, and (parrot going insane the whole time) then my dad starts coming downstairs right as I am nearly done cooking. I actually can't handle him in the morning because he likes to draw excess amounts of attention to what I am doing and find a way to tease about it.
So I took my eggs downstairs and I'm going to have some nice tea. Honestly, despite the stress, it's kind of nice to actually eat breakfast rather than wake up last minute and rush out the door, hating my life.
Quote from: birkin on March 13, 2014, 11:39:08 AM
Only got 4 hours of sleep...the *moment* I get upstairs, the parrot starts going hysterical with its deafeaning squawk.
I'm surprised that you didn't twist it's little head off! :D
My boredon. Today I had an argument with my family and I just want to forget everything...you know, when you want to find that "turn off" button on your brain?
I was thinking on going to the cinema, but there is no movie worthy of my money (the new 300? no, thank you!).
I was thinking of having some junk food for lunch to cheer me up, but I don't want to gain weight.
I was thinking of just going to the closest shopping center and buy some new clothes for me, but I am low on money.
What can I do?
I accept any sugestions! Anything to kill my boredon. I don't want to spend another afternoon/night playing videogame!
Quote from: Natalia on March 13, 2014, 01:20:37 PM
My boredon. Today I had an argument with my family and I just want to forget everything...you know, when you want to find that "turn off" button on your brain?
I was thinking on going to the cinema, but there is no movie worthy of my money (the new 300? no, thank you!).
I was thinking of having some junk food for lunch to cheer me up, but I don't want to gain weight.
I was thinking of just going to the closest shopping center and buy some new clothes for me, but I am low on money.
What can I do?
I accept any sugestions! Anything to kill my boredon. I don't want to spend another afternoon/night playing videogame!
Tomorrow the Veronica Mars movie comes out...
Quote from: Shantel on March 13, 2014, 01:12:20 PM
I'm surprised that you didn't twist it's little head off! :D
Oh trust me. I have. Sometimes I want to reach inside its cage and huck it against a wall. It hates me as much as I hate it and every time I am upstairs it squawks nonstop.
I should be happy because I have just over 18 hours until my appointment, but I'm feeling despair. Everything is just not good. Bad signs. I didn't get the paperwork in the mail (even though I gave them my current address as I was to move the day after I called them) and I wasn't given an order to fast over the phone (perhaps it was in the paperwork, but I'll never know) so I don't know when I should stop eating. My nerves are so high on edge, and I'm fearing that I'll be turned down yet again, or that the doctor just wants this to be an eval and to see me back for bloodwork in a month or whatever.
Nasty sugar free chocolate pudding that tastes like it has plastic in it
Sore throat making me feel like crap :'(
A family friend passed away today. He was fairly young and had a son my age that I used to be friends with. His wife is like an aunt to me and I can't imagine what she's going through. I know it would be nice and respectful for me to go to the funeral, but I don't know if I can handle all of that sad energy in one place...
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 13, 2014, 02:39:37 PM
I should be happy because I have just over 18 hours until my appointment, but I'm feeling despair. Everything is just not good. Bad signs. I didn't get the paperwork in the mail (even though I gave them my current address as I was to move the day after I called them) and I wasn't given an order to fast over the phone (perhaps it was in the paperwork, but I'll never know) so I don't know when I should stop eating. My nerves are so high on edge, and I'm fearing that I'll be turned down yet again, or that the doctor just wants this to be an eval and to see me back for bloodwork in a month or whatever.
If you're fasting for bloodwork, it's about eight hours - I usually just make my appointments in the morning and don't eat breakfast.
Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 13, 2014, 09:37:10 PMIf you're fasting for bloodwork, it's about eight hours - I usually just make my appointments in the morning and don't eat breakfast.
OK, good, I was thinking about 12 hours. I just ate at 8, but I'm hungry again.
This is the one and only time I will ever say this, but I hope I have bloodwork. And that I get a prescription tomorrow.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 13, 2014, 09:44:14 PM
OK, good, I was thinking about 12 hours. I just ate at 8, but I'm hungry again.
This is the one and only time I will ever say this, but I hope I have bloodwork. And that I get a prescription tomorrow.
I've got my fingers crossed that you get a prescription tomorrow hun. All the positive thoughts and energy.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 14, 2014, 01:34:52 AMI've got my fingers crossed that you get a prescription tomorrow hun. All the positive thoughts and energy.
Unfortunately right now negative thoughts and energy are what are swirling within me. Doubting that it will work this time. So anxious I can't sleep.
I also need my nails redone, they're chipping. I need to find my roommate, she does it a lot better than I do.
Quote from: birkin on March 13, 2014, 02:05:56 PM
Oh trust me. I have. Sometimes I want to reach inside its cage and huck it against a wall. It hates me as much as I hate it and every time I am upstairs it squawks nonstop.
I'm having a terrible Monty Python dead parrot moment :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=npjOSLCR2hE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=npjOSLCR2hE)
Quote from: Cindy on March 14, 2014, 01:52:07 AMI'm having a terrible Monty Python dead parrot moment :laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=npjOSLCR2hE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=npjOSLCR2hE)
Quite agree, quite agree, silly is silly is silly. Right, get on with it. GET ON WITH IT!
My favourite sketch :D
Almost everybody in my friends and in my family tells me to shave my beard... I always find something in order not to do it... If only they knew I'm not an average guy... x/
Should I or shouldn't I shave it ? If I do, it will grow faster and darker and I'll need surgeries to make it disappear !.. But everybody tells me I seem dirty with it... I don't know what to do :(
Realizing that in order to avoid the possibility of destroying my marriage from coming out completely to my wife about how intense my desire to be a woman really is, I've become emotionally closed off from her, which is definitely destroying my marriage.
I had a fight with my mom yesterday. She said she doesn't want me to 'mutilate' my body to become a boy; so I guess all that crap about contacting a GT was just to look good in front of my counselor. Hopefully she lets me go to the Transgender group meeting later.
I seem to have come down sick :P Blah
Quote from: V M on March 14, 2014, 06:24:19 AM
I seem to have come down sick :P Blah
Uh - Oh, get well soon hon!
I know the office has to give me the male forms but it's really triggering, especially when it's asking about the swxual stuff (prostate cancer, vasectomy, amongst other questions)
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 14, 2014, 09:12:27 AM
I know the office has to give me the male forms but it's really triggering, especially when it's asking about the swxual stuff (prostate cancer, vasectomy, amongst other questions)
Hugs.
Feeling suicidal.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 14, 2014, 09:15:02 AMHugs.
And I also had to undress and get into a gown for the doctor to examine the extraneous flesh. Eew.
And the blood test that is imminent. The doctor needs the results first before sending a prescription. I knew it was going to be this way but, but ;_;
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 14, 2014, 10:42:56 AM
And I also had to undress and get into a gown for the doctor to examine the extraneous flesh. Eew.
And the blood test that is imminent. The doctor needs the results first before sending a prescription. I knew it was going to be this way but, but ;_;
That's how I feel when I go to the doctor. I know they're just doing their job but please don't touch or look down there. :-\
I'm a failure. 5 tries, and I still convuIse to much. I can't do it, I'm too afraid.
It didn't help that the phlebotomists kept calling me he and Ryan despite my resquests to call me she and Lauren, as well as my attire.
Ugh that's horrible. Sorry you had to endure that.
Calder, huge hugs. You are one of the best guys I know and loved by many on here if it helps dull the suicidal thoughts at all, focus on that. Don't let things get you so down you never get to fully experience life physically as your true self. We love you and want to see you complete your journey and find happiness.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 14, 2014, 11:57:17 AM
Ugh that's horrible. Sorry you had to endure that.
Calder, huge hugs. You are one of the best guys I know and loved by many on here if it helps dull the suicidal thoughts at all, focus on that. Don't let things get you so down you never get to fully experience life physically as your true self. We love you and want to see you complete your journey and find happiness.
Thank you. The thoughts have dulled a bit but I still feel very depressed.
Take 2, I was told to try going to the lab at the hospital, maybe they can help more. I'm freaking out here. I feel like a hobo, my boots are soaked from the melting snow on the sidewalks and my socks are soaked too.
There was a thread last night that was pretty interesting and I was hoping to read more of it today, but it seems to have disappeared.
I failed again. I'm too scared. It's not working. I can't do this once, let alone once every three months. I can't get hormones (or for the later draws renewals) without this. It's over. Life is over. I can't go on anymore.
It's OK Lauren! *hugs* I promise, I completely understand how you feel. I was very sick almost 5 years ago, and they needed bloodwork and also an IV to rehydrate me. No matter what I did, no matter what was said, I couldn't even let them poke the needle in me. I just couldn't. I sat in the hospital bed for almost an hour. So they finally sent me home (with much reluctance), saying I should try to drink lots of water even though I couldn't keep anything down. They needed bloodwork a week later, again, couldn't do it.
After a month I was still sick and absolutely needed to have it done to figure out the problem. They had to try multiple times to hit a vein, which was my worst fear...but. I finally managed to convince myself that it was OK by imaging the needle as something else. Rather than thinking "omg it's going into my skin omg it's going inside me" I just imagined it as if someone was punching me in the arm and making it sting. I figure, I could handle the sting of someone punching me or pinching me for ten seconds, cause it's on the outside, I'm not freaked out by something going inside. So my strategy now is look away from the needle, take a deep breath, imagine that the nurse is going to pinch my skin with her fingers for ten seconds or so, and just kind of let that wash over me. Needles are still difficult, but I make it through.
Quote from: birkin on March 14, 2014, 04:46:58 PMIt's OK Lauren! *hugs* I promise, I completely understand how you feel. I was very sick almost 5 years ago, and they needed bloodwork and also an IV to rehydrate me. No matter what I did, no matter what was said, I couldn't even let them poke the needle in me. I just couldn't. I sat in the hospital bed for almost an hour. So they finally sent me home (with much reluctance), saying I should try to drink lots of water even though I couldn't keep anything down. They needed bloodwork a week later, again, couldn't do it.
After a month I was still sick and absolutely needed to have it done to figure out the problem. They had to try multiple times to hit a vein, which was my worst fear...but. I finally managed to convince myself that it was OK by imaging the needle as something else. Rather than thinking "omg it's going into my skin omg it's going inside me" I just imagined it as if someone was punching me in the arm and making it sting. I figure, I could handle the sting of someone punching me or pinching me for ten seconds, cause it's on the outside, I'm not freaked out by something going inside. So my strategy now is look away from the needle, take a deep breath, imagine that the nurse is going to pinch my skin with her fingers for ten seconds or so, and just kind of let that wash over me. Needles are still difficult, but I make it through.
I've tried all sorts of things like that, none of it works. I wish I could be unconscious during the procedure. Of course insurance won't pay of anything besides the labwork and the actual phlebotomy itself, so my only option is to tough it up, which didn't work.
I'm going to call my doctor on Monday (actually I think she may be calling me, not sure) and ask her if there's some sort of anti-anxiety medication that is stronger than the clonazepam I have (leftover from when they were trying to draw blood back in October. That didn't go over well) and see if that works, along with attempting to find a friend who is willing to brave the lab.
To be quite honest, I'd rather tightrope walk between the Petronas Twin Towers than be in the lab.
Yesterday, I was told by a well meaning person, "I've never met a girl named Victor before."
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 14, 2014, 01:11:50 PM
I failed again. I'm too scared. It's not working. I can't do this once, let alone once every three months. I can't get hormones (or for the later draws renewals) without this. It's over. Life is over. I can't go on anymore.
Quote from: Edge on March 14, 2014, 04:56:48 PM
Yesterday, I was told by a well meaning person, "I've never met a girl named Victor before."
:(
Do not lose hope
I am seriously considering reverting to male presentation, although not dropping the HRT. I know how I feel without it.
To be honest, after nearly 7 months of quasi full time, I don't feel comfortable in my skin. Each time I went out did not make things easier. Let's be honest: I'm not passable. I made a bad choice taking the decision of being out so early. I don't pass without FFS, and After the initial HRT high I got with the first body results, I feel as awful as in the beggining. I have always known that I required FFS , and my plan was FFS first, presenting female later, but... I was forced because of the RLE.
I feel it's pathetic to go back to presenting male after one year (In fact, I will still need to present female to the ones that only know me like that, specially when this summer I will be in deep trouble to hide the breasts unless I go back to saggy t-shirts. I don't even feel ok with that first date. My photos don't show the ugly reality, and I don't want to disappoint him this badly.
Real life experience for FFS?
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 15, 2014, 01:17:16 PM
Real life experience for FFS?
For the whole being accepted into the system by the therapists. If I wanted HRT was forced to make the whole RLE, coming out to everybody... Transition has only reduce my quality of life. No family, no job, can't concentrate... It's the same as in the beggining. My dysphoria never went away. The same issues that haunted me are still there. And after all of this hell to get the hormones, I'm still in square zero but worse: A man body and face with breasts. No make or presentation or voice training can help me pass, neither ease the dysphoria. Whenever I go out presenting female is like living a nightmare, because it only feels like a guy in a dress. Presenting male is even worse, but I don't need to deal with the weird looks. If I cut my hair and stopped maintaining the eyebrows, I don't think I would even get an occasional misgendering after 11 months.
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
Oh honey I'm so sad for you dear!
Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
Oh my.. I'm so sorry. :(
I am so sorry Natalia :icon_sad:
We are all here for you
Hugs
Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
:'( :icon_hug:
I can't even imagine going through something like that.
Quote from: Edge on March 14, 2014, 12:32:05 PM
There was a thread last night that was pretty interesting and I was hoping to read more of it today, but it seems to have disappeared.
That might have been mine. Sometimes I write a bunch of stuff and then think I talk too much :laugh:
Maybe I'll try to resurrect it without my rantings.
Out riding today in Sydney usually quiet on the roads.
A group ahead of me got run up the rear by a SUV and 6 badly hurt, and it looked awful. :(
I got diverted around but usually avoid that specific section as it is very dangerous.
Sydney drivers, some of the worst in the world. >:(
*gives Natalia a big hug* I'm sorry. :( I love my mom so much, I will be heartbroken when I lose her, so I can only imagine how you feel.
---
I went to see my grandmother today, which was nice. We went out of town, but guess what, somehow family members were there. Extended, so...they're talking and then the whole awkward conversation begins.
"Oh, um, this is *birthname*, she changed her name to Caleb."
"OK...so, wait, what was...her...name?"
"*birthname*"
"Oh. OK."
"Caleb is doing her university."
I mean, omg. -_- Despite my dysphoria telling me I look like a woman, deep down, I know that I really don't and so they're probably thinking "jesus, she used to be so pretty, how the heck did this happen?" LOL.
My grandma said that it was obvious that they didn't recognize me...but that it's easier for her to tell them (about the name anyway, I assume she thinks the gender explains itself) now that I have been on hormones long enough. She never tells anyone unless they actually see me, I guess to explain why I look like a man. Because on the phone with her brother she said "Oh, just watching a movie with *birthname*" At first I felt angry, but I thought "well, if she said Caleb he'd have no clue who she meant, and he never sees me, so what do I really care?" After all, I'm the one who wants to live stealth. People I never see remembering me only as "her" actually works in my favour.
Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
I feel for you GF. Losing your mother will be one on the hardest times in your life I'm sure. It's OK to cry all you can for as long as you need. I know I cried for a long time. My sympathy to you poor girl.
I'm having minor surgery monday, and today I was unhappy because I've pushed everyone away and have no one around for scary things like minor surgery.
Not sure how I feel about my roommate having someone stay the night in here. Not because I think they're going to do anything (she has a guy over, but she's a lesbian) but because I'm not certain he knows I'm trans. With my stupid beard growing out and my wig off, it coild be really awkward in the morning.
Some virus found it's way into my computer. I had to pay microsoft, $99.90 to fix it, security.
As if microsoft does not already make billions, they probably caused the bug to sell me their protection, mafia.
Quote from: FrancisAnn on March 16, 2014, 04:03:58 AMSome virus found it's way into my computer. I had to pay microsoft, $99.90 to fix it, security.
As if microsoft does not already make billions, they probably caused the bug to sell me their protection, mafia.
Microsoft Defender is 100% free, you probably still have the virus and paid the money to a scam company....
I'd love to check it out for you, unfortunately I can't.
My legs feel nasty after shaving them and the shower severely depressed me.
My mother being unappreciative of her birthday presents and the cake I baked her. :(
My wife is angry at me for being withdrawn and distant. She knows I have transgender feelings, but since I've kinda accepted that I really want to transition, ice been distant and closed mouthed about therapy. :(
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. :'(
Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. :'(
You definitely don't look like a 'madam' in your avatar. Sometimes I don't know what people are thinking when they misgender others.
Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. :'(
You don't look like a 'madam' at all.
But I don't get all upset really when I get misgendered; it's not their fault. It makes me try harder to pass.
Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. :'(
I think you should have told him to get his eyes checked. It looks like that was definitely necessary.
Quote from: birkin on March 16, 2014, 05:15:50 PM
You definitely don't look like a 'madam' in your avatar. Sometimes I don't know what people are thinking when they misgender others.
Quote from: Calder Smith on March 16, 2014, 05:19:15 PM
You don't look like a 'madam' at all.
But I don't get all upset really when I get misgendered; it's not their fault. It makes me try harder to pass.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 05:20:56 PM
I think you should have told him to get his eyes checked. It looks like that was definitely necessary.
It's the one's who ask me if my parents are home that make me laugh the most :P Went from being absolutely confused to finding it really funny when they do it now.
@Calder - That's how I feel now after that happened today :angel:
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me. Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression. Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do. Even here. I guess that's part of life. And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself. It's my fault for it. I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people. I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.
Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 06:15:20 PM
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me. Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression. Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do. Even here. I guess that's part of life. And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself. It's my fault for it. I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people. I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.
Hugs. You don't annoy or bother me at all. I like your positivity and posts here. You're a great part of the community.
Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 06:15:20 PM
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me. Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression. Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do. Even here. I guess that's part of life. And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself. It's my fault for it. I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people. I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.
Sweetie, listen. How people behave towards you is a reflection on THEM. Not you. Everyone here is dealing with issues in their lives. Whatever they may be.
You don't HAVE to confront how someone acts towards you if you don't want to. I know I've already spoken to you about this privately but just remember what I said. Think about it. And if it's something you feel you really can't do, then just delete any correspondence you get and focus on what really matters to you.
You are a fantastic part of this site, and it would be much the worse without you. You keep it real, and discuss things that many, many people can relate to. Keep doing that. Keep being who you are.
People sometimes get annoyed just for the sake of getting annoyed. Or because they had a bad day, or because the garbage bag burst all over them. Whatever the case may be. I guarantee you that almost all of the time anger towards you stems from anger towards something else. You're a unique and complex human being. No one here knows all the intricacies of who you are, other than you. So before you think that someone hates you for you just think about that... no one really knows you other than what's here. And that isn't the entirety of who you are.
They think they know a few words on a screen. That isn't learningtolive. It's the parts of herself she wants to share.
Sweetie, confronting something isn't always the best way to stop it happening. There are other ways, and people to help. Remember that. *hugs*
Just can't stick to my diet, ate too much today. I have to find more discipline somehow? Starting Whole Body Transformation diet system soon. I'm 195 pounds & only 5' 9'. That is just way too fat. Going to try my best to lose maybe 20 pounds in the next 90 days.
Feeling very taken for granted.
It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.
I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.
Eh, it doesn't matter.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 07:28:24 PM
Feeling very taken for granted.
It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.
I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.
Eh, it doesn't matter.
If its playing on your mind then it matters :(
I think sometimes you have to look after number one as that is what other people do... BUT that is easier said than done tho as i know i am guilty of feeling the same as this sometimes
I heard ice cream and chocolate help? and a day on the sofa in ure PJs :)
Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 07:28:24 PM
Feeling very taken for granted.
It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.
I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.
Eh, it doesn't matter.
Sometimes I feel that way but I try not to dwell on it and move forward - It just isn't worth giving yourself the brain damage over it
Quote from: FrancisAnn on March 16, 2014, 06:40:56 PM
Just can't stick to my diet, ate too much today. I have to find more discipline somehow? Starting Whole Body Transformation diet system soon. I'm 195 pounds & only 5' 9'. That is just way too fat. Going to try my best to lose maybe 20 pounds in the next 90 days.
Sundays dont count in diets... true story :D
Only monday-saturday ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Quote from: radsi on March 16, 2014, 07:58:51 PM
Sundays dont count in diets... true story :D
Only monday-saturday ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
FrancisAnn, Radsi makes a lot of sense, we should keep her around for sure!
Quote from: Shantel on March 16, 2014, 08:39:14 PM
FrancisAnn, Radsi makes a lot of sense, we should keep her around for sure!
I just like to eat junk food on a sunday hahaha... lol id rather u didnt keep the her part of me around tho ;)
I was stapling this pamphlets together and my hand started killing me and swelled up. It's still swollen now thought not as bad. It's been 4 1/2 weeks since I injured my hand. I still can't handle a normal amount of typing at work either. And I can't draw yet either. not really.
sigh. And I know the doctor said "months" so I'm being impatient but dang it the splint is off and I want to get back to my life.
grrrrrrrrrrr
Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...
This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...
My sympathies for you as well. Having my mother die just over a week ago, I think I can understand a little of what you are going though. I'm hoping it will get easier with time. :'( :'(
My mother has a lung infection...
We don't know if it's serious or benign, but I just know that if it's serious, I can't go into transition...
F***, just, why do this happen ? She is all for me, even if she is really negative with me, about the feelings I speak about here. She says I should keep it for myself, but it's exactly what I don't want to do anymore. I just want to get the f*** out of the closet. And I don't know if my mom will be there for me...
:(
I failed one course in mathematics and got the result today...
Reading here that so many of my dear friends are feeling down and sad.
Listen people, being transgender is the hardest thing a person can face, on top of that many of us carry burdens of extra pain and sorrow.
I'm facing things I really don't know how to cope with but I will.
Sometimes we bicker and argue, sometimes we snap at each other, but we all suffer together and that makes us strong men and women.
So lets have a big mutual hug. I think we all need it.
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Cindy, I don't know if I'm the only one, but the pictures in your post aren't loading.
Quote from: 930310 on March 17, 2014, 02:24:22 AM
Cindy, I don't know if I'm the only one, but the pictures in your post aren't loading.
When you are having a bad day, everything goes wrong!
HUG
Just off right now. Feeling the bad things in life. The despair, lack of motivation and direction, loneliness. It's darker than the view out the window.
Not having closure....
As Cindy said. It's really sad that a lot of us are feeling down right now. But we have to keep going, things are going to get better for us! We will overcome our sad emotions and we will be filled with happier ones.
My dad just called me, long story which make my blood boil.
Thought I was caught up in a bike accident yesterday.
Getting called sir , young man at the hospital...
Why does it hurt so much?
Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 06:15:20 PM
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me. Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression. Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do. Even here. I guess that's part of life. And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself. It's my fault for it. I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people. I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.
I don't think that's true hon, you are just overreacting to something someone may have said that you may have internalized wrong. It's easy to do when you can't hear the tone of what's being said or see the body language of the other person. Take it easy and simmer down and please don't blame yourself for other people's misconstrued comments.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 07:28:24 PM
Feeling very taken for granted.
It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.
I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.
Eh, it doesn't matter.
I sure don't take you for granted hon, you're a mighty fine gal and a force for good here.
Quote from: Cindy on March 17, 2014, 02:22:27 AM
Reading here that so many of my dear friends are feeling down and sad.
Listen people, being transgender is the hardest thing a person can face, on top of that many of us carry burdens of extra pain and sorrow.
I'm facing things I really don't know how to cope with but I will.
Sometimes we bicker and argue, sometimes we snap at each other, but we all suffer together and that makes us strong men and women.
Yup, I'm with Cindy! OK everybody wake up it's Monday morning we're going to do jumping jacks, One - two - three :icon_peace:
I want to close my eyes forever.
I heard that the birthday partyfor my brother next week was canceled.
Sick today. :( Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!
Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 17, 2014, 04:24:54 PM
Sick today. :( Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!
hope you feel better soon :( x
Seeing that there's no hope in changing my mother's dangerous ways
Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 17, 2014, 04:24:54 PM
Sick today. :( Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!
Hope you recover quickly Nathan..((hugs))
Quote from: Malachite on March 17, 2014, 04:43:47 PM
Seeing that there's no hope in changing my mother's dangerous ways
I worry about your mom. :( At least from what I have read.
Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:45:20 PM
I worry about your mom. :( At least from what I have read.
I worry about her too.....with her smoking, and drinking habits, and sodium-busting cooking habits. :/
My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.
Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:55:18 PM
My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.
It's funny that you mention sleep apnea because my mother has to go in for testing at the end of the month for that. She is almost like your father in that regard becaus she just dumps cans into a giant pot of soup (which is what she's cooking now) with no regards to the sodium intake. When I actually tried to show her, she was quick to cut me off saying how I don't have to eat it/it has vegetables in it....
Quote from: Malachite on March 17, 2014, 04:59:47 PM
It's funny that you mention sleep apnea because my mother has to go in for testing at the end of the month for that. She is almost like your father in that regard becaus she just dumps cans into a giant pot of soup (which is what she's cooking now) with no regards to the sodium intake. When I actually tried to show her, she was quick to cut me off saying how I don't have to eat it/it has vegetables in it....
Lol. Yeah. I feel kinda bad because tonight he made this curry...chicken...thing. For one, the last two times I ate spicy food I ended up with diarrhea. For another, he has a bad habit of not washing his hands after using the toilet and not washing the vegetables. Sometimes he ends up putting moldy stuff in because he just throws it in. He made way too much, even if all 5 of us ate some over half would be thrown away. But it leaves me in a bad position...I can't cook because he gets mad, I haven't eaten since my breakfast smoothie, so I'm breaking my three week long spending-fast to buy myself some pizza from the gas station. -_- I might have to start using my rice cooker in my bedroom to heat things like soup. He's got such a bad record with food prep hygiene that I just don't trust it anymore.
Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:55:18 PM
My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.
[/quote
That's my mom in a nutshell, expect that she'd order the food in rather than making it. :-\
I really want to swim right now. Swimming is forbidden, though, until after SRS, since I can't wear a proper swimsuit, because bulge down below and no bulges up above. And body hair. Eew. I don't want anyone so see my even partially naked for a long, long while, now that I think about it.
The fact that I don't know myself at all.
I tried to work up the courage to tell my wife I want to transition. Wind up feeling nauseous and suicidal.
I know he's been already mentioned but it has been something that's still making me unhappy as well. I'm talking about Justin Carmichel aka JewWario. He was an online personality that reviewed foreign games that are playable on the NES. His reviews were funny and informative. But I think what should really be his legacy is the way he would interact with his fans. He always took the time to meet with them and really listened. That's probably was his best quality of all, he truly listened and never judged. Not only did he listen, he had an amazing, fantastic ability to know the right things to say to make what ever was bothering you better. This is a transcript of his advice towards someone one late night that I think sums up how wonderful he was with saying the right things that needed to be said.
""You know what, I want you all to look at me. I want you all to look at me. I want you to....cuz what I'm about to say is important. I think, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I want you all to know this. This goes out to everybody.
You're not stupid. Ok? You're not stupid. Don't ever tell yourself that you are. You're important. What you have in your head may not mean a lot to a lot of people but its what makes you special. You are important. You mean something and you're going to go out there and you're going to do some wonderful things, but first and foremost, you're not stupid. You're not an idiot. Don't ever tell yourself that you are, and if nobody else ever tells you this, I will tell you this, I care about you. Thank you for coming to my stream today."
At one time in my life I had recently detransitioned and was miserable because of it to the point of not wanting to live. I was also very close to being homeless. I had spoken about this on a group chat and he was one of the people in the room. He IM'd me and asked me if I could SKYPE and would I mind SKYPing with him. I agreed and for an hour he patiently listened to me unload everything that had been bottled up. He let me release my pain and sadness over being forced to living a male life after close to year of finally living like I always yearned to live, as female. He listened to me and never once looked away from my eyes with an expression that never left me. It was a look that spoke loudly. It said "I understand and I hurt too because you're in pain"
After I was out of tears and words, he spoke. What he said I'm going to keep to myself if it's OK but it was something that I so needed to hear at that time. It made me feel better and made me feel like I mattered and that all was not lost. I really needed that. It was a moment in my life that I will always remember and treasure because for that moment, with how much I was in pain, I think just by listening, he saved my life. I know it sounds dramatic and made up but I swear every word it is true.
I'm not alone in these kinds of interactions with him. He did this for so many people. There's scores of stories from people that had similar meetings with him. He always had time for you no matter if he personally knew you or not. He never really got that many numbers as far as views go when you look at some other more popular personalities but those that did followed him loved him and for good reason.
It's for reasons like this why when I read online how he had killed himself. It hurt me all the way down to my core and it still hurts me. I'm not the quivering crying mess I was months ago when I first found out about his death but I still cry sometimes to this day. I'm crying as I write this now. I cry because he was beautiful. I'm still unhappy because he a person that the world doesn't have enough of and needs more of. He was a very very bright light who was there for anyone that needed him. To brighten a world that can be so dark for so many of us. Above all, he cares about people and truly loved everyone. No matter who you were and what gender you may be. I know it's may sound overly dramatic because I only spoke with him on only a few occasions but I miss him. I miss him so very much. I really wish he was still here with us.
The bad weather.
I keep trying to write something I want to talk about, but get put off by remembering the kind of responses I'm likely to get that ignore what I say no matter how many times I repeat it and make false assumptions about me.
I went outside to walk two of our dogs and it started raining.
I feel better than yesterday, but my head is POUNDING. I think I'm a bit dehydrated. :(
Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 18, 2014, 10:57:56 AM
I feel better than yesterday, but my head is POUNDING. I think I'm a bit dehydrated. :(
had a good night then, eh? :laugh:
In total mental freefal and killed my irc client
Quote from: FA on March 18, 2014, 11:03:22 AM
had a good night then, eh? :laugh:
Waaa hahaha :D ;D >:-)
My best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having a biopsy tomorrow. While not much is known yet, the prognosis does seem to be very good. Still, I've known her since 1987 and I'm scared.
Quote from: Constance on March 18, 2014, 11:19:56 AM
My best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having a biopsy tomorrow. While not much is known yet, the prognosis does seem to be very good. Still, I've known her since 1987 and I'm scared.
I hope it goes well and the she is able to recover and be healthy.
My son is still contagious.
Quote from: Constance on March 18, 2014, 11:19:56 AM
My best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having a biopsy tomorrow. While not much is known yet, the prognosis does seem to be very good. Still, I've known her since 1987 and I'm scared.
I wish her the best of luck and hopefully it isn't as bad as it sounds.
I fell asleep and missed my anthropology test.
Goodbye college, that's the final nail in the coffin. My GpA will not be recoverable now.
Quote from: Constance on March 18, 2014, 11:19:56 AM
My best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having a biopsy tomorrow. While not much is known yet, the prognosis does seem to be very good. Still, I've known her since 1987 and I'm scared.
Oh god, I wish her best of luck. I hope it isn't that bad.
I'm being ignored by many people and I don't have any friends at all. I'm also in need of money but I can't find a job. That's depressing.
Nope. Don't have a boyfriend after all.
Keeping a secret for someone I care a great deal about at her request. :'( People need to know about her and all the greatness she possesses and the contributions she has made to us, but her humility wont allow it. :'( She deserves special recognition and to know people love her. :'(
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 18, 2014, 08:48:17 PM
Keeping a secret for someone I care a great deal about at her request. :'( People need to know about her and all the greatness she possesses and the contributions she has made to us, but her humility wont allow it. :'( She deserves special recognition and to know people love her. :'(
I think she knows, sweetie. *huggles* And is very grateful. :)
The pain from my electrolysis...
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 02:37:14 AMThe pain from my electrolysis...
At least you can afford it. My beard is getting really rough, and just adding and adding on to my depression. I can't go more than a day without shaving it before it gets rough and starts being somewhat noticeable in skin texture. I can't afford electrolysis or laser until summer, which, if I can get a job, will eat up about half of my weekly pre-tax income.
So much for saving for spending money for the next school year and surgery and buying new clothes. I'd gladly take double the pain in exchange for the costs.
I was at the register today paying for my shopping and a cis woman took a photo of me with her mobile phone, haven't ppl heard of privacy I have a right to dress as I please without this stuff happening.
What would she have thought if the tables were turned.
So annoyed.
I kept dreaming about chemistry homework. Except, it being a dream, I couldn't see any questions, so I just concentrated really hard. So hard that I kept waking myself up and I gave myself a headache. Great.
Also, the coin slot for the dryer in my apartment building keeps sticking and I can't dry my laundry.
Quote from: Emily.T on March 19, 2014, 04:03:09 AM
I was at the register today paying for my shopping and a cis woman took a photo of me with her mobile phone, haven't ppl heard of privacy I have a right to dress as I please without this stuff happening.
What would she have thought if the tables were turned.
So annoyed.
Just ignore her, she's not worth the trouble of caring about.
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 07:46:23 AM
Just ignore her, she's not worth the trouble of caring about.
Thanks I'll try to do that
Quote from: Emily.T on March 19, 2014, 04:03:09 AM
I was at the register today paying for my shopping and a cis woman took a photo of me with her mobile phone, haven't ppl heard of privacy I have a right to dress as I please without this stuff happening.
What would she have thought if the tables were turned.
So annoyed.
I would have taken a pic of her, if she asked why I'd have told her I take pics of ->-bleeped-<-s.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 19, 2014, 03:53:43 AM
At least you can afford it. My beard is getting really rough, and just adding and adding on to my depression. I can't go more than a day without shaving it before it gets rough and starts being somewhat noticeable in skin texture. I can't afford electrolysis or laser until summer, which, if I can get a job, will eat up about half of my weekly pre-tax income.
So much for saving for spending money for the next school year and surgery and buying new clothes. I'd gladly take double the pain in exchange for the costs.
Have you tried Home-Electrolysis?
I have a kit called Deluxe Home Electrolysis that I use to treat my upper lip with and I actually think that it does work!
The price wasn't that high either. The machine cost about $50 and every needle costs about $2-3 or so.
It is time-consuming, but if you are willing to try it it's always something!
Quote from: Cindy on March 19, 2014, 07:51:14 AM
I would have taken a pic of her, if she asked why I'd have told her I take pics of ->-bleeped-<-s.
Would that be acceptable though? She didn't exactly say anything to Emily. So maybe that would have come back to hit her. I don't know that much about how you behave in social situations because of my Aspergers. I might be wrong about this.
Quote from: Emily.T on March 19, 2014, 04:03:09 AM
I was at the register today paying for my shopping and a cis woman took a photo of me with her mobile phone, haven't ppl heard of privacy I have a right to dress as I please without this stuff happening.
What would she have thought if the tables were turned.
So annoyed.
Too bad you weren't so surprised by her bold behavior that you didn't accidentally trip and knock her phone on the floor and put a heel on it hard as you regained your balance. >:-)
But best to just blow it off as some rude bitch with no proper upbringing or manners.
@Emily
I ve seen that thing with the pictures before , there was a girl that was taking pictures of a couple who was kissing on the train :/
I dont know which is the best way to react... I dont think there is a law that says that people cant take photos of you ...
I d bitch slap her with an elegant reversed slap...
I'm pretty sure I destroyed my marriage last night.
Quote from: RobinTheAmazon on March 19, 2014, 10:00:27 AM
I'm pretty sure I destroyed my marriage last night.
((Hugs)) You won't be the first or the last to experience that anxiety hon. Hope you can both work through it!
Not is I persist in desiring even low dose hormons
Im an idiot! I was unhappy today at having to get ready to go to work as u was finally getting some studying done. I leave it till the last minute to get ready drag my sorry backside into the shower and proceed to cover my hair in bubble bath instead of shampoo... Lots and lots of bubbles later and i am praying that it doesnt rain at any point or my head might start foaming lol
Quote from: radsi on March 19, 2014, 11:17:08 AM
Im an idiot! I was unhappy today at having to get ready to go to work as u was finally getting some studying done. I leave it till the last minute to get ready drag my sorry backside into the shower and proceed to cover my hair in bubble bath instead of shampoo... Lots and lots of bubbles later and i am praying that it doesnt rain at any point or my head might start foaming lol
At least you made it in time...
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 07:53:55 AMHave you tried Home-Electrolysis?
I have a kit called Deluxe Home Electrolysis that I use to treat my upper lip with and I actually think that it does work!
The price wasn't that high either. The machine cost about $50 and every needle costs about $2-3 or so.
It is time-consuming, but if you are willing to try it it's always something!
That price sounds too good to be true. But needles? Can't do it to myself, barely can I have someone else do it to me.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 19, 2014, 04:21:43 PM
That sounds too good to be true. But needles? Can't do it to myself, barely can I have someone else do it to me.
They aren't needles. They are called stylet tips and are very thin. Just google Deluxe Home Electrolysis Stylet Tips and you will see how they look.
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 04:23:38 PM
They aren't needles. They are called stylet tips and are very thin. Just google Deluxe Home Electrolysis Stylet Tips and you will see how they look.
I don't think that's going to work. Anything Needle like and I freak. Even seeing needles.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 19, 2014, 04:36:12 PM
I don't think that's going to work. Anything Needle like and I freak. Even seeing needles.
Then there might be a slight problem... How do you plan on getting hair removal, if you chose to do so?
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 04:37:33 PMThen there might be a slight problem... How do you plan on getting hair removal, if you chose to do so?
Laser, hopefully. The costs are about the same, it seems. Still out of my reach right now though. Just under $100 to last 6 more weeks. And I desperately need two new pairs of shoes. And most of that money is to go toward hormones, which I still don't have yet.
Note to self, do not go into the centre of the building for the rest of today. The Red Cross blood truck just pulled up. I can see it from my window.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 19, 2014, 04:43:44 PM
Laser, hopefully. The costs are about the same, it seems. Still out of my reach right now though. Just under $100 to last 6 more weeks. And I desperately need two new pairs of shoes. And most of that money is to go toward hormones, which I still don't have yet.
Note to self, do not go into the centre of the building for the rest of today. The Red Cross blood truck just pulled up. I can see it from my window.
The only known permanent way is electrolysis. But I hope that laser does work for you, it won't for me because my facial hair is too light.
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 04:49:29 PMThe only known permanent way is electrolysis. But I hope that laser does work for you, it won't for me because my facial hair is too light.
Laser is permanent enough, but they can't say it is because it only works with dark hairs on fair skin.
Quote from: 930310 on March 19, 2014, 04:49:29 PM
The only known permanent way is electrolysis. But I hope that laser does work for you, it won't for me because my facial hair is too light.
The follicles laser kills will remain dead, but it reportedly isn't effective at killing 100% of the follicles and only works on dark hair and light skin. Any other skin and hair types you're stuck with electrolysis.
Quote from: Colleen♡Callie on March 19, 2014, 04:55:16 PM
The follicles laser kills will remain dead, but it reportedly isn't effective at killing 100% of the follicles and only works on dark hair and light skin. Any other skin and hair types you're stuck with electrolysis.
And that's what I meant. Just in a way better explained way.
I just found out Paul Ash died last month. He was the head of Sam Ash Music and I used to talk to him frequently. Super nice guy and I miss him already.
Cheers, buddy!
The school I go to didn't teach anything again. Maybe tomorrow.
Quote from: Jean24 on March 19, 2014, 05:43:52 PM
The school I go to didn't teach anything again. Maybe tomorrow.
I felt the same way when I went to high school. I stayed at home as much as I possible could without damaging my attendance.
I cannot seem to find any thread worth commenting on. So many complicated problems everywhere, same old thing, men leaving their wives, etc......
Wish someone had some nice pleasant news.
I put one up Francis no comments yet try this one
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,161581.msg1384325.html#msg1384325
Emily, Emily, Emily.....((hugs baby))
Thanks so much shantel you just made my day xx
About my last hope of having a family member or friend help during my surgery is out. Solo surgery time and the hospital doesn't even have a policy of letting a person leave by themselves.
Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on March 19, 2014, 11:13:16 PMAbout my last hope of having a family member or friend help during my surgery is out. Solo surgery time and the hospital doesn't even have a policy of letting a person leave by themselves.
Depending on when your surgery is, I can see if I can give you a hand, even if it is just being there.
I tweaked my signature to show my visit to Dr Bowers. I am certain I can make a solo trip work, but life would be better if I wasn't left out to dry by my family, a few of whom claim support, yet here we are, and they've had that surgery date for a full year.
Quote from: Missy~rmdlm on March 20, 2014, 01:06:51 AMI tweaked my signature to show my visit to Dr Bowers. I am certain I can make a solo trip work, but life would be better if I wasn't left out to dry by my family, a few of whom claim support, yet here we are, and they've had that surgery date for a full year.
Sorry, that's too early. A month later, and I'd have seen about getting tickets to get out there. Could have also had a talk with Bowers as well, even though I'm at least a year out of surgery.
Sorry I can't be there for you.
What made me unhappy today? Nothing really! I just missed my girlfriend. She was out of the house all day but she's home now. :)
A big pile of work... I've been fighting it pretty hard this week. >_>
Thinking about my future and not knowing what's going to happen.
Quote from: 930310 on March 20, 2014, 02:26:33 AM
Thinking about my future and not knowing what's going to happen.
This has been the source of all my unhappiness lately.
I was writing a long post in my blog whn all of my programs crashed....
EDIT: This happened AGAIN while trying to write it up for a second time. That must mean that it's not meant for me to get it out right now.
I can't find my eye mask.
Quote from: Malachite on March 20, 2014, 03:46:38 AM
I was writing a long post in my blog whn all of my programs crashed....
EDIT: This happened AGAIN while trying to write it up for a second time. That must mean that it's not meant for me to get it out right now.
I can't find my eye mask.
Try writing it in Word or so. If the computer crashes there will be a backup that the program makes every few minutes or so.
My dysphoria's gone through the roof in the last few weeks. It scares me.
One of my friends just lost her job. She is MTF, transitioned on the job ages ago and they fired her for some BS incident that happened two years ago. People totally suck sometimes.
Quote from: lxndr on March 20, 2014, 03:00:25 PM
My dysphoria's gone through the roof in the last few weeks. It scares me.
sorry to hear this dude :( hope ure ok
Quote from: 930310 on March 20, 2014, 07:59:00 AM
Try writing it in Word or so. If the computer crashes there will be a backup that the program makes every few minutes or so.
Yeah it looks like I'm going to have to do that.
My mom is intoxicated and overly-sensitive today.
Edit: My mom just came back from the store with a huge bottle of alcohol....
had a follow up with the hand doctor. things are healing well, but it will probably be two months until my hand is fully functional again. And the nerve damage (very minor) could take up to a year to heal. I sort of knew that about the 2 months, but a year??? sheesh.
Quote from: tomboy on March 20, 2014, 10:56:46 PMhad a follow up with the hand doctor. things are healing well, but it will probably be two months until my hand is fully functional again. And the nerve damage (very minor) could take up to a year to heal. I sort of knew that about the 2 months, but a year??? sheesh.
It's been well over 2 years since my jaw surgery, which involved a sliding genioplasty, and I still occasionally got weird sensations in the area between my lower lip and chin up until 9 months or so ago. I wouldn't say that it's uncommon.
Quote from: Lauren5 on March 20, 2014, 11:17:07 PM
It's been well over 2 years since my jaw surgery, which involved a sliding genioplasty, and I still occasionally got weird sensations in the area between my lower lip and chin up until 9 months or so ago. I wouldn't say that it's uncommon.
well bah humbag.
it's pretty damn uncomfortable at times. but it's a minor nerve and so there's not a lot to be done. he said take vitamin c. I start physical therapy next week so maybe the PT will have some ideas. at least it's only my ring finger that's really effected.
btw, I had to google genioplasty. I've learned my new thing today so now I can go to bed. Goodnight all.
My glasses fell off and broke on the way to the store and I'm not sure when I'll be able to replace them, then I ran into a parked car over by the park and the guy seemed rather angry at first because his girlfriend was startled and had bit through his lower lip
Then he called me a dumb blonde and started laughing and said he could buff the tire scuff out pretty easily, got back in his car and left
I have to get up in less than five hours.
I haven't done my homework yet (other things got in the way).
I have to take my son to school with me tomorrow. Maybe I should just skip again.
My feelings and past are both currently working together to cause me issues. Or some way of wording that so it makes sense.
The weather...Again...
Dysphoria is hitting me hard today. I'm feeling anxiety and my mind keeps telling me that I'm trapped. Man, I'm shaking so much. I'm also not looking forward to spring cleaning with my girlfriend tonight because of this...
Razor burn
My parents fighting (verbally)with each other.
I guess I am beyond help. That's what I get for being too different from other people.
My second visit to the hospital in just a few hours. I'm currently trying to wait to hear back from somebody with a car that can take me home and maybe for food too.
I have a very slight annoying cough.
Sorting out stuff at Mum's old house and thinking of all the questions I should have asked her when I had the chance, now I never will be able to. :'(
My classmates and their idiocy.
Hi friends :-\
Guess what?
Time for a New One (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=161846.new#new)
Hugs