Hi Guys ;D I apologise if this has come up lots of time before, but....names....did it feel really important for you to have a male name, even in the very early days before you were even sure of things. I still have this split identity thing going on, where I see myself and then the boy that is in me too. After years of ignoring him, I feel he now needs/deserves a name, just to recognise him within me. Does that make sense ? Also, did or does anyone else know where I am coming from with regard to seeing myself as 2 people at the moment ? I will try to explain, so I don't sound too crazy ;) I still see myself as *** (real name) but feel like there has always been this part of me, who is a boy and that I just lost him along the way some how. When I picture him, he looks the same as me, just with a male chest, but its still me, just boy me. I really want to give him a name and maybe get some dog tags with it on, so I can wear them - not sure what else I would do with them - bit all over the place atm ! So, yeah, was working out your name very important to you ? and I have an idea, but I am a bit afraid to share it in case it gets shot down in flames :-\
Dude the most important thing about the name you pick is that it's yours, and you get to decide at your own pace. I don't think anybody would shoot down your name idea, and anyone who would do that is best ignored. It's not their idea to shoot down.
I do kind of get where you're coming from though. It can be difficult to sort of integrate those aspects of yourself fully when you've been denying them for a long time. I did that for a while myself, always coming up with reasons I HAD to be female (I like X girly thing, I date men, I have a vagina) they were all BS of course and I eventually ran out of excuses. I started feeling a lot better about myself when I was able to start accepting myself as male.
As for names I've been debating making a thread about the topic myself. My parents gave me a unisex name at birth, Kerry, but since it's often read as female I'm thinking of changing it to Kieran. I haven't started to ask people to call me that though because it feels weird? I don't dislike my birth name. I also would have to change my name on a bunch of my work materials, which would be quite expensive. Anyway I was very methodical in how I chose Kieran. I knew I wanted to keep my initials, as I often sign my name as K L Thompson on professional work and would not have to change any of those. Also Kerry and Kieran both come from the same Gaelic root word meaning "dark", so it's sort of the same name in spirit. My mother also said she liked it so that's made a big difference for me. To me it was very important to be certain of the name I wanted before asking people to call me by it so I wouldn't have to ask them to change again later. I have done smaller things like use it as a name in video games.
I'd like to hear your idea if you're willing to share it, sometimes just sharing things like that can help solidify why you like it or why you're hesitant about it.
My name was relatively important, my dad suggested it (and it sounded similar to the first name I came up with). I liked the meaning behind it as well. My family is just starting using it, and it is sort of a "Whoa, this is new" feeling. Kind of awkward at times (Akin to your parents talking about embarrassing topics), but still positive.
Ever heard of Behind The Name? It shows you the history and such of names, pretty neat to have a name with something behind it.
What's your idea?
There was nothing wrong with my former name, it just wasn't me. The one I have now I had been using for a while before any medical transitioning happened. There isn't really any rule that says you must change it, except in some countries. It is a personal choice, no more and no less.
Personally I had decided on a name long before I had any intention of actually transitioning. I first started using a variant of it as an internet username when I was about 11 years old and then settled on a full version and spelling when I was 20. I'm now 25 and have only asked someone to use it out loud this past week. I think I felt similar to how you have described - that there was a kind of male version of me on the inside and he deserved to have a boy's name, even if I never had any intention to use it irl at that point.
I'm trialling it before I commit 100% to make sure I can get used to it. I know that sometimes things don't sound as good out loud as they do in my head. So far I like it.
I think that choosing a name is a very personal thing and you shouldn't be too worried about what other people will think. Unless you choose a name that is impossible to spell or pronounce it's unlikely that anyone will have a problem with it.
Hey everyone :) Thanks for the replies, its really interesting to hear about you all feel regarding your name or name to be. For me it is definitely about recognising this part of me. I suppose its like me finally saying "yep, I know you're there and I won't ignore you any longer".
@Kytri I like you have a name that could be used for either gender and there are indeed a couple of famous males, but predominantly its seen as female. I like it, but to me, its my girl name. I can't say what it is, because I have to reveal my surname in this post and would then identify myself (currently out to no one!!). As for your name, yeah Kerry to me is quite feminine, but could be either....exactly like my name. I like Kieran :) if you wanted any other ideas; what about a variation of your username - Ky or Kyi or Kai.
@Mogu I love the fact that your dad helped you choose. I can't even imagine my parents even considering thinking about it. I will check out that website thanks :). I did find a meaning to a name, and whilst the meaning was so perfect for me, the actual name doesn't sit right with me. Typical lol
@LordKat I feel the same about my current name, its fine, if I were a girl I would be totally happy with it. It just doesn't reflect what's on the inside. I currently don't have a middle name, so I may consider adding one that incorporates the male part of me ?? Way too much to ponder ;)
@Nikotinic Its so great to hear that someone feels or felt the same. I was starting to worry I was developing a split personality lol. I may never use the name, but I need it for me and him and just some kind of internal acceptance.
So, I really want a name that is inspired from the outdoors. I love all outdoors sports and as a kid loved nothing more than playing in streams and swinging from trees. I also adore the water, its where I feel quite free. I seem to have a thing for American sounding names, although I don't think this is used a name in the US much either. The name I'm currently considering is Lake. Only issue is that my surname is James :/
I know a couple guys named River and Forest. Their dad is a hippie biology teacher.
I did consider both of those, but when I think of Forest...the word Gump just won't go away ! Same for River really...mind goes straight to Phoenix. Oh an I'm into running, so Forest is a def no go lol ;)
Understood. It does mean that taking a name from nature isn't unheard of though.
I see the having two personas thing happen more in the mtf community, but ftm's experience it that way too. You're definitely not weird for that. My secret "real" self didn't have a name back when I lived as female, but I occasionally thought of myself by various video game or movie characters. When I was little I named my inner self Jareth for awhile, after the Goblin King, and then Feivel from An American Tail, and Jean-Luc from Star Trek, etc. As a teenager I was read as male when I was homeless and I went by Luka or Spike or Batman.
Anyway, it's okay to be fluid about it for awhile. Practice and play and pick whatever you want. For my final name, I talked with my daughter and a couple friends, but I didn't weigh anyone's advice very heavily, as they're not the ones who have to answer to it. Felix felt comfortable to me. My kid was really attached to Jasper, and my sister wanted Charlie.
Good luck. I do think people will just accept whatever you pick. :)
I kind of like Lake as a name for a boy, it sounds masculine to me. Lake James sort of sounds like a comic book character name IMO but if you're cool with that I say go for it.
I have known a man IRL named Forest before, he was a painter. River to me sounds feminine though.
Anyway there are tons of sites for finding names and their meanings. They're usually geared towards expectant parents but I use them pretty often in choosing names for characters when I'm writing. Behind the name is nice because it has a section on last names, I'm also partial to 20000 names since it has a lot of unusual ones. It has super sketchy ads and pop ups though so you have to be careful about where you click. For other name sites I usually just google "baby names" and it'll pull a bunch of junk up. Some sites let you search by meaning or sound which is pretty cool. Though I maybe should warn you that if you start looking at baby name sites suddenly most google ads will start advertising stuff for mommies and assume you're pregnant and/or have a million babies. I find it somewhat upsetting since I have a pregnancy fear.
Quote from: pootle on December 08, 2013, 03:29:19 AM
@Kytri I like you have a name that could be used for either gender and there are indeed a couple of famous males, but predominantly its seen as female. I like it, but to me, its my girl name. I can't say what it is, because I have to reveal my surname in this post and would then identify myself (currently out to no one!!). As for your name, yeah Kerry to me is quite feminine, but could be either....exactly like my name. I like Kieran :) if you wanted any other ideas; what about a variation of your username - Ky or Kyi or Kai.
Thanks for the suggestions. I do actually go by Kytri some of the time IRL, though less so now that I'm not around the people I went to college with anymore, most people call me "Kerry" again. I need to start asking people to call me Kieran, but it sort of feels weird? Like I'm betraying my old name somehow.
@Felix. First of all....love the name. Thank you so much for saying I'm not the only one who experiences the 2 personas thing. I'm hoping that as I explore this all more that maybe the 2 will start to merge. Name wise, I'm going to do exactly what you said and just play around with it for awhile, see how it goes. I don't remember using a male name when I was a kid, but I secretly like it I someone assumed my surname was my first and called me James. I also named all my bears boys names lol
@Kytri. That's the first time I've seen it as Lake James and I liked seeing it :) thinking it may need a middle name to break it up a bit. Off to google baby names now !! Hope you figure out the Kieran/Kerry thing. Even thinking about leaving my current name behind feels odd, so totally get you xx