Hey everyone, I'm Cameron but I would prefer to be known as Samantha. :) for 6 years I've been questioning myself about my gender, and as of late I have come to accept that I am really female, but I was born in a male body. I've been spending a few weeks exploring this forum and others and I feel accepted in places like these ^^
I don't want to give a life story but after searching myself a bit I came to realize that with my family and friends I've been trying to suppress these feelings as much as possible, but by myself I have been showing a stronger dysphoria. I had myself convinced it was a "phase" or some ill-effect of puberty but I'm certain now what I am supposed to be.
I've had anxiety and paranoia in the past but the more I don't tell anyone and try to suppress the feelings of who I really am, the worse they become. I am not accepting of my self (mostly my body) and I really can't remember a time I was. In fact, during the past 6 years I have sometimes had feelings of self loathing. But everything I do that makes me feel more female does let me accept myself a little bit more :) . I tremble as I type this, half because I'm kind of scared and half because I'm excited to join a community who knows how I feel and can help me.
I always felt some kind of "curiosity" I guess to being female, but probably 6 years ago I decided to try to even the most minuscule extent. Being a gamer, I just built a new character and just told people "Yeah, I'm a girl.", but being that seemed... Normal. And somewhat comforting. And that manifested into reading more "feminine" books and writing, music, and over time changing how I look (but within the bounds that my friends don't really think anything is unusual).
Lately these feelings have been overwhelming, and the more I learn about being transgender (a term that was foreign to me until earlier this year, honestly) the more I want to do something and be who I feel like I actually am. I've been trying to evolve my mannerisms and laugh but that just ends up in my friends asking if I was actually gay (I guess I'd call myself a lesbian, actually :D ). I'm too scared to try to crossdress in my own home (because my parents and brother have been suspicious before that I was trying to be a female) but I'd really, really like to try. I'm currently a closeted transgender and I hope that while I'm here I can work up the courage to come out and possibly take the next steps :)
I'm slowly learning about what it means to be transgender, and although sometimes the risk terrifies me, I am willing to do whatever I can to become the person I know I am supposed to be :)
-Samantha
When you are a young person, the challenges can be a bit much if your parents aren't agreeing with it. Welcome to Susan's where many have found a way to live with themselves. I'm sure you will find many new friends and ways to see things.
Hi Samantha!
Welcome to Susans! I hope you find this site to be a good resource to you. :D
Oh and it's great that you're figuring this all out at such a young age! Kudos!
::HUGS::
Hi Samantha :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here
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Hugs
V M
Oh thank you all so much!! :) It really means a lot to me.
I'm beginning to plan diet and exercise and all that before I attempt HRT, but first obviously is the issue of coming out. I feel a bit more confident in doing that, now that I have done it a bit more anonymously here ^^ I already have a couple people in mind that I might tell first and I know they'll be very supportive :)
Hi Samantha and welcome to our family here at Susan's
*HUGS*
Hi Samantha, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 8792 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet )O(
Thats the spirit :)
I can already tell that you ll make a great girl,
I know its scary at the beggining but as you move on the fear will start to diminish...Its up to you really ,but I can tell , you ll be just fine.
Good luck and welcome
Hi Samantha, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm from Boston. Get busy posting and I'll see you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Samantha and welcome to Susan's.
:)
I didn't expect to get such a welcome! ^^ Thank you all for the welcome and support! I really appreciate it! I can't wait to start posting, the community here is so nice :)
And FalsePrincess, that post made me tear up a bit in joy. It's hard but the more I talk about it the better I feel, really :) When I finally tell my friends I'm sure I'll be fine and very happy I did it.