Hi all. I'm a pre transition mtf that really just want a place to be myself. My whole life I never cared about my body and always hated looking in the mirror. i didn't know what was going on and didn't really think about it much. I've only figured out who I was in the past few years and when I did it was the greatest moment of relief to figure out why i felt bad about my appearance. To have my eyes opened was the greatest gift of all but it also came at a heavy price. When I started wearing the clothes that were what I should have been wearing all along, it felt fantastic. Then I realized that I have to go back to normal clothes and it was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life. I told my parents, who all my life said that they would accept me for who I am, that I was a girl and they basically said they accepted me. After that conversation I didn't see my mom for a week and one of the days I heard her yell throughout the house that I had ruined her life. Needless to say, it took a long time for me to bring up that topic. I suppressed it and have had bad gender dysphoria. When i finally brought up the subject again, many months later, she told me her and my dad would never accept me. She kicked me out for the day. I then realized that to express who I was, I would have to leave. I started packing up my bags called my friend and left that very same day. I now have been living on my own, minus a roommate, and have been trying therapist and trying to start HRT. I hopefully will be starting hrt next month after i start seeing my therapist again.
Sorry if this sounds like a jumble of thoughts, but hopefully I have given out information that is sort of understandable
Hi blu :icon_wave:
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Hugs
V M
Welcome aboard Blu,
You situation sounds very familiar to many of us here. How we deal with friends, family, and relationships of all kinds are frequent topics. I never cared much for my male body or male clothes either and am much happier now that I have a year in transition. Many people here can relate to that stranger in the mirror thing and the price we pay to be ourselves.
Many of us can also relate to that sense of relief when we figure it out and begin to really accept our selves as we are inside. I used to tell people that I know how I look but that really isn't me!
Good for you for getting help from a therapist. We can all be better understood with some pro assistance.
Hi blu, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm up near Boston. A jumble of thoughts is just a plan that hasn't been organized yet! See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn
Welcome blu :)
Hi Blu, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 8834 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
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Janet )O(
Hi, Blu.
Looking in the mirror can be frightening if you're not seeing what the heart reveals to the mind. I remember the dysphoria that occured in the shower many times. The beauty of those moments are that they lead to decisions that make you who you are. Peace
Dina