This morning I went to my therapist with my mom. She spent 45 minutes talking with my therapist and going over some ultimatums with me. She told me that after I went to church a few weeks ago dressed, she had received a few calls from the congregation. Aparently everyone knew me. I didn't go there hiding from now one. My mom told me that I am not passable, even though she doesn't fully understand what being passable is. I told her that all I did was since I was planning on starting to go full time, I decided to test the waters, and I went to church as my true self, regardless if people recognized me or not. That wasn't my intention. The main problem I had was when I used the ladies room. My pastor called me about that a few days later and told me what I should have done. Now of course, the congregation was more concerned about my sister and my niece seeing me dressed and what could have happened. They weren't there, so it wasn't a part of the equation. I preplanned everything. My mom felt that I was being selfish in deciding to do this, because of the fact that a lot of people know us and now they're going to be ridiculing me. If they had just asked me, I would have explianed, but no they went to my mom and asked her and she doesn't know enough about my condition to accurately explain it to them.
And again my mom told my therapist that because of how well they are known, because of their business, I am being ostracized.
Then she told him that I am confused of who and what I am. Then he stood up for me, and said that this is not a fade, but more of a reality because I've been doing this since I was 15 years old. Five years after my accident. So my mom has accepted that and that it is caused because of the damage to my brain and she will not stop me from doing it, but if I were to go full time, she refuses to call me 'GINA'. Then she asked me why do I have to go out dressed? Why can't I just be content with dressing behind closed doors? I should keep this to myself. Then she said that being gay is the better of the two evils.
So we've agreed that I can go out dressed as long as it's in a diffrent county. :)
Ah, yes, the good ol' you're trans/gay/bi/ace/fill-in-the-blank because of some kind of trauma (physical, emotional, verbal, etc) argument. Wow. That gets old.
HUGS
Moms can tough... but we gotta love them because they are.. moms. Is there any slightest chance that she might change her opinion if You press hard and long enough?
I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.
You would not tolerate this behavior if you were black in an all-white church...don't accept any closet offered, even if it is the entire neighboring county.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 17, 2013, 03:04:48 PM
I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.
Agreed. And as for being selfish, you should definitely be true to yourself and not worry about what other people say (even your mom).
Sorry for the rough time BFF. Here is a BIG HUG! I wish I could do more. :'(
Quote from: Constance on December 17, 2013, 02:41:01 PM
Ah, yes, the good ol' you're trans/gay/bi/ace/fill-in-the-blank because of some kind of trauma (physical, emotional, verbal, etc) argument. Wow. That gets old.
HUGS
Yeah I see what you mean Constance, but I've seen enough neuropsychologists that have told me that my GID is caused from the damage done to the frontal lobe of my brain. So there's gotta be some truth to what they're sayin'.
Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on December 17, 2013, 02:52:01 PM
Moms can tough... but we gotta love them because they are.. moms. Is there any slightest chance that she might change her opinion if You press hard and long enough?
Y'know Emily, my mom said very adamently that if I continue to dress in Port Charlotte, she will pack up everything and move, and she was very serious about it. And she'd be moving to Texas to be with my youngest sister and her grand sons.She honestly believes that everyone in Port Charlotte knows her because of their business that they've been running for the past 20 years, and she's afraid of losing credability if they see me dressed as a woman.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on December 17, 2013, 03:04:48 PM
I would suggest to not accept her "ultimatums", nor the cowardice of the church's pastor and the congregation.
You would not tolerate this behavior if you were black in an all-white church...don't accept any closet offered, even if it is the entire neighboring county.
I'd be really taking my chances by just going out anywhere and anyone could see me and they'd call my mom and tell her. Do I really want to take that chance? I mean I could be simply walking through our shopping mall and someone could see me and they could easily go back home and call without giving it a second thought. Is it really worth the risk?
Quote from: Anna++ on December 17, 2013, 03:09:55 PM
Agreed. And as for being selfish, you should definitely be true to yourself and not worry about what other people say (even your mom).
I can easily travel a half hour either way and not be causing any trouble, and I'd still be able to be true to myself and not worry what other people would say. This was something that my therapist had discussed with me awhile back.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on December 17, 2013, 03:31:49 PM
Sorry for the rough time BFF. Here is a BIG HUG! I wish I could do more. :'(
Hey Jessica, nice hearing from you. It's been rough, but at least we're compromising now instead of purging.
Hugs, I am sorry you are having a difficult time.
I agree moms can be really tough. Actually parents in general can be tough and try to make you do what they want. I guess this will just take time
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on December 17, 2013, 06:48:40 PM
Hugs, I am sorry you are having a difficult time.
Thanks for the hug Cynthia. At least I know I can always depend on my sisters here.
Quote from: gowiththeflow on December 17, 2013, 06:49:50 PM
I agree moms can be really tough. Actually parents in general can be tough and try to make you do what they want. I guess this will just take time
I agree with you as well. Parents can be tough. But I'm just bidding my time. I'm actually working on something that may bring her around. Let y'all know later.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 17, 2013, 06:25:52 PM
Yeah I see what you mean Constance, but I've seen enough neuropsychologists that have told me that my GID is caused from the damage down to the frontal lobe of my brain. So there's gotta be some truth to what they're sayin'.
Total and utter rubbish.
If any reputable neuro said that they would be wearing a red nose and a clown costume
I've sustained several injuries including spinal and cerebral injuries, but my GID existed long before hand so I'm not buying into the injuries being responsible either
Sorry your mom is not being very supportive, hopefully she'll come around at some point
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 17, 2013, 02:27:48 PM
My mom felt that I was being selfish in deciding to do this, because of the fact that a lot of people know us and now they're going to be ridiculing me.
Argh! Selfish!
Like you decided in utero to become transgender just in order to make life tough for them.
Keep repeating to yourself and whomever will listen:
1. We don't choose to be transgender.
2. Transgender is so powerful that when we ignore it, it drives us to depression and even suicide.
3. There is only one effective treatment for transgender, and that is to transition to live as our true gender.
Good look sweetie. Your family situation sounds difficult and challenging. Give yourself credit for standing up to a tough challenge.
My dear old mother accepted my changes well enough, but just now, back for an extended visit before christmas, she occasionally waxes on about how she misses her son. What can you do? I could push, I could fight, but the reality is she knew me as her son for 30 years before, she's 80 now and fairly frail both emotionally and physically. So I just smile and say I'm still here for her, just a little more myself these days. Someone said, Moms, gotta love em. That's about it. Unless they're being malicious of course. But sometimes it might be best to understand where they are coming from too. And then we go back to where we live and work and have lovely friends who know us and love us for who we are, and everything is fine. As they say round these parts, hugs. :)
Reason number 436 as to why organized bigotry religion in the US is poisonous.
You could solve this problem very easily. Don't go to church. Trust me, you'll be so much better off.
(Off the soapbox now. I hope all of this works itself out, but don't allow anyone to make excuses for your gender identity or convince you that you're ill or something that should be hidden for the comfort of others.)
Quote from: Cindy on December 18, 2013, 05:27:06 AM
Total and utter rubbish.
If any reputable neuro said that they would be wearing a red nose and a clown costume
C'mon Cindy. Why would you be saying that? They've looked at the X-rays of my brain and they've read my history about my accident, and that's the conclusion that they've come to.
Quote from: V M on December 18, 2013, 06:02:19 AM
I've sustained several injuries including spinal and cerebral injuries, but my GID existed long before hand so I'm not buying into the injuries being responsible either
Sorry your mom is not being very supportive, hopefully she'll come around at some point
I'm not pushing anyone into believing what my mom has heard. Look it up on the Internet and decide for yourself about the frontal lobe and how it controls personality amd identity. All I'm saying is that at least I'm making a step forward with her, and I do appreciate all of my sister's concerns here. :)
Not all religions and not all churches are bad. Some are willing to welcome trans* people. I even know a Baptist church with a special mission of ministering to LGBT people. This particular LGBT ministry is trans* inclusive and it does not involve conversion therapy or anything other than acceptance. The church hosted TDOR this year, in fact.
Quote from: Michele on December 18, 2013, 07:47:21 AM
Reason number 436 as to why organized bigotry religion in the US is poisonous.
You could solve this problem very easily. Don't go to church. Trust me, you'll be so much better off.
(Off the soapbox now. I hope all of this works itself out, but don't allow anyone to make excuses for your gender identity or convince you that you're ill or something that should be hidden for the comfort of others.)
Thanks for correcting me, ThePhoenix. I have this kneejerk reaction to tales of religious people being cruel busybodies who think they are doing god's work when they are mean to those who are different.
Gina, please go and find a church where they accept you if that's your thing.
Quote from: ThePhoenix on December 18, 2013, 08:47:13 AM
Not all religions and not all churches are bad. Some are willing to welcome trans* people. I even know a Baptist church with a special mission of ministering to LGBT people. This particular LGBT ministry is trans* inclusive and it does not involve conversion therapy or anything other than acceptance. The church hosted TDOR this year, in fact.
Thanks for your concern Phoenix and Michele. I've got a little over a hundred different churches with different denominations that I can choose from in my town. As long as they don't know me I'll do alright.
Next month I'll be registering for citizenship. My mom is still upset with me using the bathroom at church. She tells me that if it hadn't have been for the fact that everyone knew me, I could have been arrested and blown my chance for citizenship and would have been deported back to Canada. She doesn't want me to move out so that I can walk the streets as a woman, because she fears that I will do something wrong and will end up getting myself into trouble. She told me that she has a letter done up going over everything from my lasts session with my therapist and she wants me to sign it which will make it a binding agreement that I will have to stick to. I have NO LIFE! I'm being controlled. I wanna cut the strings so I can be free. I might just leave a note and disappear . . . :(
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 20, 2013, 12:18:59 PM
She told me that she has a letter done up going over everything from my lasts session with my therapist and she wants me to sign it which will make it a binding agreement that I will have to stick to.
Do not sign it.
Quote from: Constance on December 20, 2013, 12:28:11 PM
Do not sign it.
Believe me Constance, I don't plan on it. It would be like signing my life away to the Devil. >:-)
Last night I was talking with a friend about my problems and he told me that the congregation has judged me and he qouted the bible about those that judge. But he told me that I should forgive them. But moreover I should find another church, and he suggested that I should go to a gay church instead. So I am considering that.
Eight years ago, my church had a problem and they lost a lot of their members and they went to other United Methodist churchs, so I could easily go to another United Methodist church and someone could see me and they'd get back to my mom and rat on me. It happened once before, unfortunately. So I don't want to take the risk.
Quote from: Constance on December 20, 2013, 12:28:11 PM
Do not sign it.
When she presented me with her page, I told her straight up that I've been advised not to sign it. She turned around and said that even if I hold it in a court of law, I can still hold it against you.