So since I accepted what I am and came out to my partner I have this space where I can be myself. Oh, how much better this has made me feel! It's like all this pressure that had built up has been released.
I finally have this space to be a woman, to move and to react to things as I want to, and just be myself. We go out shopping or to eat and it's been fantastic. I know in my heart what I am and finally i can let this out to roam free.
But then I look in the mirror and all I see is a man's face. This comes as a shock because that's not what I am in my heart. This gap really brings me down.
I went to an endo last Saturday for the first time expecting (hoping?) to get my first shot of hormones, and we talked for an hour and they took blood for the test. Next consult is Jan 11. I'd been trying not to hope to much, but it sort of deflated me.
I guess things are moving forward at last, but this gap between me and my appearance is driving me mad.
Has everyone found that time brings acceptance?
Or is HRT the answer? Am I expecting too much of HRT?
This is hard topic at times I think. I understand the difficulty and the 'gap' as you put it. It can be crushing to be feeling the right way but see something else. Just wait until you're running on the right hormones!
We all crave the girl in the mirror. And she can take time and effort before she appears. She might show with just a little make up, or perhaps months of HRT, or perhaps more dramatic steps like FFS. Angelique comes to mind ( in the fabulous thread, page 8 ) for what can be done without hormones. Such possibilities with the right wig ( if needed ) and make up.
What I found eased the wait was to do everything else I could while waiting for changes from HRT. I developed my voice, wardrobe, and started hitting hair removal. Anything to give that sense of work-in-progress. The last thing I wanted to feel is that I was just standing still. It worked... It was hard, but it worked.
I totally feel you, the same has happened to me, went out as a girl being really happy and then return home take off make up etc and just see a guy in the mirror...
it feels terrible ,
anyway hormones will change you a lot , I mean I already feel different , still see a guy in the mirror but sometimes I see a girl too , wierd feeling , wierd sense of happiness,,, and Ive barely even started im only 2 weeks on e,,,
so i think hormones and obviouslly time should be ok :)
if you can help it though just dont look in the mirror a lot, thats what I used to do, buuut know that im on hormones i look on the mirror every 10 min to check for changes ( whaat? thats stupid dont do it :D lol )
anyway the blood test is neccesary in order to start hormones,,,so im pretty sure on the 11th you ll begin :)
that's how it was for me, once you start hormones I felt a lot better. the change can take a while , When I first noticed changes in my face and body it was a nice euphoria . I finally got to the point of seeing this female stare back at me .
I also have those feelings, especially when looking into the mirror. I end up just staring at myself for hours but I just feel worse and worse.
but I also think I am getting confused with looking fem and being beautiful. I know GGs that have masculine and feminine features.
I just have to think positively and remember beauty truly comes from within. Its hard to do tho :c
I think HRT will help alot (well I hope.) The distribution of fat and muscle in the face is diff for genders and I guess to some extent we can visually identify genders this way (? /speculation) and that will change in time.
dont look to long in the mirror! I think everyone will get self-conscious after long!
Quote from: Joan on December 23, 2013, 06:23:25 PM
Has everyone found that time brings acceptance?
Or is HRT the answer? Am I expecting too much of HRT?
I would say that HRT will do many things, but will not solve the problem of seeing a man's face in the mirror.
I don't think time, per se, brings acceptance. If you're not careful it can solidify non-acceptance.
For me, the key was attitude.
I still see man when I look into the mirror. It would be very easy to get hung up on that image and spiral down into dysphoria. I do have my moments...
But I know that's just the surface.
Beneath that is a beautiful, feminine soul, exactly as female as I need to be.
Trans women are allowed to be whatever kind of woman we want. Face doesn't make the woman, nor do genitals. Having a female heart and following it, makes the woman.
You are unhappy with your looks.
Welcome to womanhood.
It is an almost universal condition among females to dislike our looks in some way. That's OK. It's the way we are wired. We value beauty and strive toward that as our ideal, no less worthy an ideal than money, or power or what a lot of others strive for. It binds us together as a gender, and gives us a common experience.
So when I find myself disappointed in my own looks, I embrace that feeling as one of the things that makes me female.
I hope his helps Joan.
Honestly, I think you are better off to keep your expectations low. HRT is not a "magic pill". It's only going to do so much. Age, genetics, overall lifestyle will play a larger role than anything. It is not a "one size fits all" type of thing. Just because Person A had awesome results doesn't mean that Person B will. You get what you get.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 23, 2013, 07:25:52 PM
Trans women are allowed to be whatever kind of woman we want. Face doesn't make the woman, nor do genitals. Having a female heart and following it, makes the woman.
You are unhappy with your looks.
Welcome to womanhood.
It is an almost universal condition among females to dislike our looks in some way. That's OK. It's the way we are wired. We value beauty and strive toward that as our ideal, no less worthy an ideal than money, or power or what a lot of others strive for. It binds us together as a gender, and gives us a common experience.
So when I find myself disappointed in my own looks, I embrace that feeling as one of the things that makes me female.
beautifully put. That makes things make more sense in my head
Thank you everyone :)
Miss Bungle,
Yes, I think the low expectations game is the one I will be playing. That's why I was wondering about how time and acceptance might be more realistic way forward.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 23, 2013, 07:25:52 PM
I would say that HRT will do many things, but will not solve the problem of seeing a man's face in the mirror.
I don't think time, per se, brings acceptance. If you're not careful it can solidify non-acceptance.
For me, the key was attitude.
I still see man when I look into the mirror. It would be very easy to get hung up on that image and spiral down into dysphoria. I do have my moments...
But I know that's just the surface.
Beneath that is a beautiful, feminine soul, exactly as female as I need to be.
Trans women are allowed to be whatever kind of woman we want. Face doesn't make the woman, nor do genitals. Having a female heart and following it, makes the woman.
You are unhappy with your looks.
Welcome to womanhood.
It is an almost universal condition among females to dislike our looks in some way. That's OK. It's the way we are wired. We value beauty and strive toward that as our ideal, no less worthy an ideal than money, or power or what a lot of others strive for. It binds us together as a gender, and gives us a common experience.
So when I find myself disappointed in my own looks, I embrace that feeling as one of the things that makes me female.
I hope his helps Joan.
Actually Suzi, yes it does :)
I understand that but I will need to make an effort to be able to feel satisfied with that. What I want more than anything is just to go about my life normally as a woman without looks and stares. For that natural female looks are what I want. I don't need to be beautiful. Although if I can have it I want that too :D
Interestingly, I was talking about this to my partner and she offered me this encouragement: 'I hope you can get to somewhere where you're happy with the way you look'.
And then she said 'but I don't think you ever will because I'm certainly not'.
Quote from: Joan on December 23, 2013, 09:27:21 PM
I understand that but I will need to make an effort to be able to feel satisfied with that. What I want more than anything is just to go about my life normally as a woman without looks and stares.
I did karaoke in a bar with my historical voice last week. No one looked or stared and I was
trying to put on a show.
Two times this year I was stunned to learn some cis women I know had been mis-gendered.
When people see you're happy they seem to leave you alone and gender you appropriately. If you're struggling and suffering in their eyes, and transition plays a role in your suffering in their eyes, then they might say something as you will have touched their natural compassion to help you. Sure there are bullies too but by being confident in yourself they seem to not be a problem. At least in my anecdotal experience.
Quote from: Joan on December 23, 2013, 06:23:25 PM
...
Has everyone found that time brings acceptance?
...
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 23, 2013, 07:25:52 PM
...
For me, the key was attitude.
...
I wouldn't say time brought acceptance of my looks, it brought acceptance of who I was as a woman. And as Suzi said it's attitude that makes the woman. I'm not beautiful, and you know what? I rarely even think about it. I had issues in a part-time life, but after going full-time my life became more real, and complete as a woman.
I hated it when other girls would say "Don't worry, you'll get there." because I swore they didn't know me or how I see myself. But now I admit they were right. I got there,... and past there. So I'm not going to say it to you. It's already implied. :)
So just be yourself. You've let the woman out, now let her be alive. Always.
Oddly enough, I stopped seeing a guy in the mirror. I look at myself and just register as female. Sure I frown at some of the more masculine traits that I still need to work on, but otherwise I have a hard time seeing a guy anymore. And I've tried.. I just ended up looking 'butch'. xD
I think the difference is losing the doubt, and leaving the 'guy' behind. I feel like all I'm doing is moving forward, and going back is an impossibility now. There was and is no future for me as a guy, so only the real me remains. :) Even if I had any doubts, I'd just push on the only way that I can.
There is a reason so many of us can't/couldn't look in a mirror without suffering massive dysphoria. Sometimes showering is too much incongruity. I think when we are making progress, even slow progress, it eases the anxiety part and after a bit the mirror starts to reflect what our mind says it should and we gain acceptance that at least it is better than what you saw before.
I'm pretty much ok with my body for now, and with my hair much longer I now feel better when I can hide behind it, that seems to help quite a bit when I glance into the evil mirror!
Hate mirrors :(
I'm a bit overwhelmed by all the encouragement and the insight that you've all posted here. Thank you all so much ^-^
Misato: what a lovely name! No need for dysphoria with how you look. And you Michelle!
LordKAT, Ashey, Kathy: thank you for the words.
It strikes me as kind of ironic that finally letting myself has actually exasperated my dysphoria. I will believe in the progress I am making and I will believe that the mirror will be kinder to me in the future, and that I will be kinder myself to the me in the mirror.
For obvious reasons I never had much confidence in myself as a guy, but I'm going to make it's different now that I'm a girl :)
I remember this well. He was always there looking back at me.
One evening I got home and was feeling good, far better than in the past. I walked into my house and looked around and it looked different.
I realised that it was my home.
I looked in the mirror and Cindy looked back at me.
I suddenly realised something. He had died. I had his memories but he had gone.
He had looked after me and protected me but when it was time to be me, he left.
He has never come back.
Even other people asked why I looked so different, it was because I had become the confident woman I am.
It will happen, it will happen.
The image that I see in the mirror swings between a dude and a girl depending on how I'm feeling that day, and from what I've read here this is not an unusual thing for us. When I see a girl in the mirror I know that I'm confident and I know that the world sees a girl too. When I'm less confident and see a dude I've noticed that I seem to get clocked more.
One thing that I do know is that the word sees something other than what I see in the mirror. I've had days where I think I look horrid and people have complemented me. Sometimes we are our own worst critics.
yes and no. HRT will change the shape of your face and make it more feminine, but you will only see a girl in the mirror if you let yourself.
I had a problem with looking in the mirror, and seeing the resemblance of my old self convincing myself that I still look like a boy. It wasn't true. I looked like a girl. My face feminized but my features stayed the same. Unless you get surgery you will always see yourself in your features. You have to realize that "yourself" is a girl, then you can see the girl in the mirror instead of the boy.
but yes, the hormones, they help
In my opinion, HRT is just part of a process involving what you see looking back at you in the mirror. Physical effects vary widely, dependent on many factors. To paraphrase Cindy, a lot is driven by attitude. Taking charge of your life. Doing what you want and NOT what is expected of you. Taking Baby-Steps and making humongous life decisions like HRT are part of the process towards self acceptance.
What you see is what you want to see. When I look in the mirror I still often see that 6 ft tall 250 lb fat bald thing in spite of dropping 100 lbs over 30 years ago. At times while in male mode I also see, as do some friends, Joanne. Thirty years ago in fem mode all I saw was "Some guy in a dress". Today I see a fairly OK looking woman.
Attitude and self-acceptance is the magic pill. (Not so magic, it takes hard work)
Sometimes yes. Lately not at all. I've only been on a normal dose of hormones for three months though so I should give it time. Though I've been taking hormones since March 1, so I thought I'd look more femme by now. it's almost like im going backward I swear to god. Could upping the spiro dose significantly cause T to increase temporarily?
Quote from: Joanna Dark on December 24, 2013, 11:52:55 AM
Sometimes yes. Lately not at all. I've only been on a normal dose of hormones for three months though so I should give it time. Though I've been taking hormones since March 1, so I thought I'd look more femme by now. it's almost like im going backward I swear to god. Could upping the spiro dose significantly cause T to increase temporarily?
Joanna-
I think your new avatar picture looks great - I don't know what you mean by "going backward" - Looks like you are going forward to me! :)
Quote from: Cindy on December 24, 2013, 02:58:52 AM
I remember this well. He was always there looking back at me.
One evening I got home and was feeling good, far better than in the past. I walked into my house and looked around and it looked different.
I realised that it was my home.
I looked in the mirror and Cindy looked back at me.
I suddenly realised something. He had died. I had his memories but he had gone.
He had looked after me and protected me but when it was time to be me, he left.
He has never come back.
Even other people asked why I looked so different, it was because I had become the confident woman I am.
It will happen, it will happen.
Thank you, Cindy :)
These were really encouraging words. I'm looking forward to that day when it happens.
And as you say Eva Marie and Oriah, yes - attitude, confidence, acceptance (and just a little bit of help from HRT ;p). Last night I felt my female self really kind of overflowing and when I looked in the mirror I was much much nearer to who I see myself as in my head. This is a step in the right direction :)
And Joanna, you look just fine :)
This is how I tolerate the mirror, don't look into it and I don't feel as bad,
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi244.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fgg4%2FKR3259%2Fodds%2520n%2520ends%2F7D6D3387-838C-4A85-B0F1-370FF1C647A7-2563-00000317A9C937C6.jpg&hash=5a08caaab82bbfa6dd31882a8a2b3067c67c86a7)
This is a topic on my mind right now. I actually was in deep denial my whole life, having no information on the trans condition. I had always wondered why I could not stand to look in a mirror and felt shock and queasy when looking at pgotos. Some pictures where okay- I just did not know why. I attributed it to weight- but whe I I got super fit it was still there- I figured straight guys dont look in mirrors much and left it at that.
Now, everything makes sense. If I look in the mirror... uhg. Sick feeling. If I place my hand over my mouth area- anxiety dissipates. If I cover my beard shadow (even saying 'my' beard feels weird) with thick foundation- bingo... I can look in mirror... but... I have to cover my jaw muscles with hair. This exercise focuses down on the things that shock my brain. Clearly I AM transgender- as it is the male aspects that cause this reaction.
So I figure that laser will remove my blue shadow- and hormones will go some way to reduce my jaw muscle mass and cheek fat distribution onwards from the seven month mark. I have set this as my minimum expectation- based on before and after pictures I have seen, this seems a realistic expectation. As these are the things causing shock when I look in the mirror, I think that I can say 'yes, I can now see the woman in the whole' once they are out of the way. I guess what I am saying is a divided out my male signals, weighed them against my acceptable ones- then focused my attention on dealing with the major triggers first- so I am dealing with seperate features rather than a whole manface.
So laser- grow out hair to hide jaw- hormones may help- save for a bone shave on jaw angles in case that ship dont sail by year 2.
Baby steps- and enjoy the qualities I have that work for me already- my eyes, lips, naturally hairless hands... practice eyemakeup, eyebrow grooming... celebrate the good bits.
That's my plan on how to manage expectations. Does this sound like a stable plan to you experienced ladies?
Oh, and the photos I can look at? Turns out all of them where when I had long hair and no visible beard during my college years. How did I not know?
Quote from: Ashey on December 24, 2013, 12:16:51 AM
Oddly enough, I stopped seeing a guy in the mirror. I look at myself and just register as female. Sure I frown at some of the more masculine traits that I still need to work on, but otherwise I have a hard time seeing a guy anymore. And I've tried.. I just ended up looking 'butch'. xD
I think the difference is losing the doubt, and leaving the 'guy' behind. I feel like all I'm doing is moving forward, and going back is an impossibility now. There was and is no future for me as a guy, so only the real me remains. :) Even if I had any doubts, I'd just push on the only way that I can.
This is how things happened for me. It seems you and I have a few things in common Ashley! Anyway, I bought my own lasers, a single hair for the eyebrows and a much more expensive 60 hair one that you have to use a key with, and I got a Flash -n -go for the large areas such as my legs and arms. I take womens vitamins and just doing these things so much has changed for the better as I at least feel I'm moving forward toward the real me on the outside as well as within. Next step is hrt which I'll be starting soon (January one way or another). As someone said: "you've let the girl out now let her be free," and if the mirror bothers you too much don't look at it so much. I've a problem with gray facial hair but I haen't let it get me down. I did some research and got the charcoal dye so my lasers will be effective on them and am again moving forward. Attetude and determination are what will get you through at the end of the day. And as someone else said: "being unhappy with our looks is just part of being a woman." So I too welcome you to womanhood. ;)
cw: transmisogynist slursQuote from: suzifrommd on December 23, 2013, 07:25:52 PM
You are unhappy with your looks.
Welcome to womanhood.
it's different i think. my experience is that trans women are subjected to impossible beauty standards where unless they're "more beautiful" by society's gross cissexist racist standards of what is considered the western ideal of beauty, not only are we taught to feel devalued and less worthwhile to society, like cis women are, but we're degendered and dehumanized; a cis woman society considers ugly is seen as pathetic, gross, unlovable, and unworthy of being a sexual object (let alone being provided any degree of sexual agency); a trans woman society considers ugly is stripped even of the bare standards of humanity, perceived—atop being pathetic, gross, unlovable, and desexualized—as "really a man", a "he-she", a "thing", a "freak", a "gross ->-bleeped-<-". so the dissatisfaction that trans women are taught to have for themselves is superpowered and brutal. it's something that's hard to unlearn, too, when pretty much all of society legitimizes that viewpoint—that only the "pretty ones" and the "good ones" are even allowed to be women in society. so yes, welcome to womanhood, where an entire gauntlet of astronomical beauty standards will do their best to tell you you're not beautiful enough.
kind of a downer, i know. but that's it, right? it's hard not to listen to that when society tells it to you everywhere. it's worth telling yourself this even if sometimes you don't feel it: you're beautiful. all women are beautiful.
Quote
It is an almost universal condition among females to dislike our looks in some way. That's OK. It's the way we are wired. We value beauty and strive toward that as our ideal, no less worthy an ideal than money, or power or what a lot of others strive for. It binds us together as a gender, and gives us a common experience.
i don't think this is ok, and the suggestion that women are "wired" to feel inadequate about our appearance is deeply offensive to me as a woman. certainly the experience of common womanhood is something that gives me a strong sense of kinship with women, with queer women, with trans women, and oppression plays into that common experience. but the idea that it's only right or that it's natural for people to make women feel like crap about how they look is profoundly insulting for me, and i hope you think about the ways that something like this might delegitimize people's experiences as women.
Michelle: that looks like it might work :) Those proportions you have there certainly have to be helping ;)
Emmaline: That's it! Yes, the jawline, and especially the beard :( I am doing laser, but it's a slow process. When I go out as myself I wear a surgical mask.
Allyda: I've heard about this charcoal dye. Does it really get down to the roots? I have blond, grey and red in beard as well as very dark black.
kinz: I think we are all (all genders and subsets within) being taught to be unhappy with our bodies, and this is not a good thing. As people changing our genders, and doing our best to alter as much as we can the physical markers of our anatomical gender, I guess we are super sensitive to how we look. In the beginning anyway - or so I hope.
Actually I'm feeling much better about these things. All of the positive comments on this thread have really, really helped me. I finally finished work today and I'm going out today to the park to enjoy the sunshine :D
Happy holidays to you all :)
Hello Joan,
As many before me have already alluded to the major change being towards your attitude, you need to understand that hormones not only start a series of physical changes, Oestrogen also commences a process of rewiring your brain, by feeding previously deprived oestrogen receptors within it and starving testosterone receptors. This will assist in the attitude change process. Be aware of it and don't deny the changes and you'll have a 'relatively' easy transition.
Huggs
Catherine
That made me feel good Catherine
Joan, you know I found hormones changed my outside (especially my skin which has an extremely feminising effect), but the most important part it changed was my insides...I just "feel" right nowadays. I call it "coming home" and it's so funny because I thought I came up with that expression, but apparently lots of trans folks feel that way. Another thing I will say is that "transition" really is the functional word here...it takes time time tiiimeeee for results once you begin HRT and you will not SEE the results because they happen slowly that you get used to them as they occur. Just be your best self and the rest will shine through! Hang in there luv! :icon_hug:
Quote from: kinz on December 25, 2013, 05:27:01 PM
...trans women are subjected to impossible beauty standards where unless they're "more beautiful" by society's gross cissexist racist standards of what is considered the western ideal of beauty, not only are we taught to feel devalued and less worthwhile to society, like cis women are, but we're degendered and dehumanized; tha cis woman society considers ugly is seen as pathetic, gross, unlovable, and unworthy of being a sexual object (let alone being provided any degree of sexual agency); a trans woman society considers ugly is stripped even of the bare standards of humanity..."
This was extremely well written and insightful. I also despise how society judges ageing women it's absurd...
You're a wonderful writer. I will try to remember what you said and let it be a lesson to look beyond the rubbish.
Catherine and MiaOhMya
Thank you both so much :)
I've read elsewhere about those subtle 'rewiring' effects of oestrogen. I'm looking forward to the peace of mind that they will bring.
And yes, time! Time I intend to give it to work it's effects, and in the meantime to get my head in the right place and keep it there.
Our trip to the park was foiled by rain so went to a shopping centre instead, so many people there, some of them staring but most of them not. I feel much more comfortable in myself and so much more confident, and this confidence is the face staring back at me in the mirror too.
This happens through HRT, time, life, time, experiences, and time. It's taken me about four years but, finally, I can see myself in the mirror instead of what I used to see before transition. I understand a lot of what Cindy said in her response regarding 'him': the mask that I used to wear. It takes living your life for a while to make that mask fade away into nothingness but, once it's gone and you've done a bit of living as yourself for a while, eventually you stop seeing the mask and then later, you stop seeing what you used to see but think you still do.
I know that response is very metaphysical but we have a persistent self image that we project onto reflections. Once you're done with the process of acceptance of yourself, that changes and you can finally see what everyone else sees.
That said, you're pre-HRT so you've really just started this journey. Take your time and you'll serve yourself well but always, always, always know that you'll get there if you hang on, open yourself to life and love, and keep going.
Thank you Victoria.
Yes it is just the start, but one day I will get there :)
Quote from: Joan on December 25, 2013, 07:01:49 PM
Michelle: that looks like it might work :) Those proportions you have there certainly have to be helping ;)
Emmaline: That's it! Yes, the jawline, and especially the beard :( I am doing laser, but it's a slow process. When I go out as myself I wear a surgical mask.
Allyda: I've heard about this charcoal dye. Does it really get down to the roots? I have blond, grey and red in beard as well as very dark black.
kinz: I think we are all (all genders and subsets within) being taught to be unhappy with our bodies, and this is not a good thing. As people changing our genders, and doing our best to alter as much as we can the physical markers of our anatomical gender, I guess we are super sensitive to how we look. In the beginning anyway - or so I hope.
Actually I'm feeling much better about these things. All of the positive comments on this thread have really, really helped me. I finally finished work today and I'm going out today to the park to enjoy the sunshine :D
Happy holidays to you all :)
Joan, yes the charcoal dye does work. However there are two ways of using it. One is more effective than the other: The first, like I've been doing is shaving the wretched (my name for facial hair) gray's as close as you can then spray them real well. While this techique works it does take longer. The other more effective way is to let the wretched things grow out enough to pluck. Then pluck them, then spray the charcoal dye right into the root. With either method you choose have paper towels handy cause it is messy -very messy. Let it dry (either method) after wiping off the excess before hitting it with your laser or flash pulse device. I've noticed as with my black hairs until they were gone, the grays have become thinner and thinner with each treatment. Just make sure you wait at least two weeks between treatments. You have to allow time for "fallout" to occurr. "Fallout " is my name for the body's expulsion of the dead root. It's very easy to become discouraged doing your own laser for the day after treatment you'll still feell what seems like hair growing back leading you to over treat. "Fallout" can feel like the hair is coming back, when in reality it is your body forcing out the dead portions of the root & remaining dead hair shaft. It's hard to be patient I know. I've been doing my own laser treatments for a little over a year now.
I started my hrt two days ago everyone!, yay!!! :D What a wonderful New Year's gift! ;) Even in this short time I've noticed a boost in energy unlike any other. It's almost like my body has been starving for this for years!
So you know, HRT does indeed help to close the gap quite a bit, but there's still always going to be a gap. As much as we hate to admit it, we're never going to be cis-women. There are always things about ourselves that we are going to wish were more naturally feminine.
I spent a significant portion of early HRT fighting against myself because I felt so female in my head after finally coming out, and yet my body just lagged and lagged behind. And it's still lagging. Even though I have boobs now (sort of,) and my skin has gotten softer and my muscles have shrunk and I'm feeling so much more feminine, that gap is still there. And I still have my bad days. At some point I'm hoping that I'll reach a point where I can finally say "okay, I'm happy with myself now," but I'm unfortunately still not there yet, and don't expect that I will be until I really start passing more often.
So yeah... the gap does close. But it's not just a matter of things magically changing. It is a LONG, HARD battle. And it will be much easier if you go into it with a self-accepting mindset rather than expecting HRT to magically make you into a woman and fix all of the problems that you have with your body.
Quote from: Carrie Liz on January 01, 2014, 07:46:31 PM
So you know, HRT does indeed help to close the gap quite a bit, but there's still always going to be a gap. As much as we hate to admit it, we're never going to be cis-women. There are always things about ourselves that we are going to wish were more naturally feminine.
I spent a significant portion of early HRT fighting against myself because I felt so female in my head after finally coming out, and yet my body just lagged and lagged behind. And it's still lagging. Even though I have boobs now (sort of,) and my skin has gotten softer and my muscles have shrunk and I'm feeling so much more feminine, that gap is still there. And I still have my bad days. At some point I'm hoping that I'll reach a point where I can finally say "okay, I'm happy with myself now," but I'm unfortunately still not there yet, and don't expect that I will be until I really start passing more often.
So yeah... the gap does close. But it's not just a matter of things magically changing. It is a LONG, HARD battle. And it will be much easier if you go into it with a self-accepting mindset rather than expecting HRT to magically make you into a woman and fix all of the problems that you have with your body.
Oh I've read enough and researched enough to agree with you 100%. I'm just suprised at the change in the way I feel already. I have no dillusions and expect a very long road ahead along with more ups and downs. I'm just glad I found this site so I have people to talk to who are going through simmilar struggles. And I really do appreciate your concern.
Trust me, there's also some freaking AMAZING highs, though. You're going to have a lot of fun too. Enjoy it. :)
Quote from: Carrie Liz on January 01, 2014, 08:31:22 PM
Trust me, there's also some freaking AMAZING highs, though. You're going to have a lot of fun too. Enjoy it. :)
I'm sure I will, thanks. I'm just very happy also that I've finally began this journey that has been very long overdue. What better way to start off 2014! ;)
Roller coasters are quite a thrill after all. Enjoy the journey as best you Ally.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 01, 2014, 09:37:38 PM
Roller coasters are quite a thrill after all. Enjoy the journey as best you Ally.
I sincerely thank you all soo much for your support. I know this is right from the depths of my soul. ;)
Let me add a word of warning here - you must begin to prepare to mentally deal with "beauty culture". Our entire culture places airbrushed and photoshopped images of women up as the "ideal" and consequently almost no cisgender females feel confident about their looks either.
Let it go. Just be you. Yes, if you want FFS or BA, do it, but do it for you, not because you are competing with a photoshopped image. So many of the ladies I see here look absolutely stunningly beautiful, if only you could see what the rest of us see in you.
As others have pointed out, this mental shift takes time. More importantly, this mental shift will never complete until you have already been full time for a while. I'm not fulltime yet but several other women I know have reiterated the same thing to me. Be patient with yourself and look at yourself more once you are fulltime and the mental image will shift.
*hugs* to you all. :)
Quote from: LizMarie on January 02, 2014, 11:33:46 AM
Let me add a word of warning here - you must begin to prepare to mentally deal with "beauty culture". Our entire culture places airbrushed and photoshopped images of women up as the "ideal" and consequently almost no cisgender females feel confident about their looks either.
Let it go. Just be you. Yes, if you want FFS or BA, do it, but do it for you, not because you are competing with a photoshopped image. So many of the ladies I see here look absolutely stunningly beautiful, if only you could see what the rest of us see in you.
As others have pointed out, this mental shift takes time. More importantly, this mental shift will never complete until you have already been full time for a while. I'm not fulltime yet but several other women I know have reiterated the same thing to me. Be patient with yourself and look at yourself more once you are fulltime and the mental image will shift.
*hugs* to you all. :)
Beauty culture is the worst, it give us girls especially completely unrealistic "ideals" of beauty. That you have to have this inhumanly "perfect" body, that you have to be very lean yet soft also, that you will only look good with makeup and sexy underwear and clothes, that really at the core of it we need to attract a man and that is all that matters. All in all it is a bunch of sexist garbage. True beauty lies within ourselves, our hearts. Plus I think all those models I see in the stores are horribly plastic and looks terrible. Personally I love my natural no makeup face, my short hair, my masculine clothes as well as the feminine ones, I love having an androgynous face and voice. Fortunately I know exactly what I want and need with my transition and my expections are that hormones and bottom surgery will bring my body and mind with my internal gender. we need to be confident in ourselves and not try to live up to societies sexist standards but our own beautiful standards and that where our own beauty comes from <3
Quote from: Allyda on January 01, 2014, 07:38:03 PM
Joan, yes the charcoal dye does work. However there are two ways of using it. One is more effective than the other: The first, like I've been doing is shaving the wretched (my name for facial hair) gray's as close as you can then spray them real well. While this techique works it does take longer. The other more effective way is to let the wretched things grow out enough to pluck. Then pluck them, then spray the charcoal dye right into the root. With either method you choose have paper towels handy cause it is messy -very messy. Let it dry (either method) after wiping off the excess before hitting it with your laser or flash pulse device. I've noticed as with my black hairs until they were gone, the grays have become thinner and thinner with each treatment. Just make sure you wait at least two weeks between treatments. You have to allow time for "fallout" to occurr. "Fallout " is my name for the body's expulsion of the dead root. It's very easy to become discouraged doing your own laser for the day after treatment you'll still feell what seems like hair growing back leading you to over treat. "Fallout" can feel like the hair is coming back, when in reality it is your body forcing out the dead portions of the root & remaining dead hair shaft. It's hard to be patient I know. I've been doing my own laser treatments for a little over a year now.
I started my hrt two days ago everyone!, yay!!! :D What a wonderful New Year's gift! ;) Even in this short time I've noticed a boost in energy unlike any other. It's almost like my body has been starving for this for years!
Congratulations on starting HRT, Allyda! :) it's good to hear it's working out so well for you.
Thanks for the write up on the dye. I'm still fighting the black hairs but I will definitely be looking into the dye.
The beard is still the biggest barrier between me and a positive self image. I've been spending more time outside and with a surgical mask on (a normal anti-allergy thing where I live) I'm gaining more confidence in my female self. It feels pretty good :)
And I'll be starting HRT this coming Saturday. Yay!! :D
There are times when I'm dressed en femme and I walk by a mirror and catch a glimpse of the girl inside, and it just makes my day :) But then there are also those times when I look in the mirror and think that I'll never be able to pass, but I think the important thing is to have hope and know that the real you is still there inside.
I haven't started HRT yet, so I'm really looking forward to it, but at the same time I'm trying not to get my hopes up to high, ya know? My case is a bit unique in that I have cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that affects many things in the body, with one of the "minor" effects being delayed onset of puberty. This may have worked in my favor (as much as having a genetic disease can work in your favor) in so much that growing up I never really gained any overly-masculine features, but it might also affect how well HRT will work for me, so who knows really. In the meantime all I can really do is practice my make-up technique :)
Whenever the topic of beauty and unrealist images/ideals for women come up I have a little reality therapy lesson I discovered ages when I would fret about passing.
The next time you are que'd up on the checkout line in the supermarket look around you and what do you see? Real women. Real live women being real. All shapes, sizes, and looks
Quote from: JoanneB on January 03, 2014, 04:46:14 PM
Whenever the topic of beauty and unrealist images/ideals for women come up I have a little reality therapy lesson I discovered ages when I would fret about passing.
The next time you are que'd up on the checkout line in the supermarket look around you and what do you see? Real women. Real live women being real. All shapes, sizes, and looks
this is so very true.
Yeah thanks Joanne that is great advice! I really like that one.
Yes, Joanne, that is good advice. Thank you :)