Hi all,
For fifty-eight years I pretended to be a boy. I got so good at it that I believed it to be my only possible reality for a very long time. As with many others, the truth finally refused to stay in the deep, and began to swim towards the light. I'm fifteen months into HRT now, and will be full time at work in March. That, and turning sixty-one today, has me pondering on what has happened, and what is in store.
Even though I am nominally a guy at work, nobody is especially fooled. I look, act, and speak with a feminine demeanor and am looking forward to being addressed as she, at this last bastion of pretense. I am grateful to the councilors and other supportive people in my life, and while I don't regret my life as a man, it wasn't authentic, and the transition into me is an affirmation both to myself, and to you who have gone before with courage and grace.
This (website) is the place I go when I am tired or melancholy. For those of you who are becoming an expression of the goddess within at an early age, blessings. For those who come to authenticity later in life, you are endlessly courageous. I've been blessed with travel, education, amazing jobs, and astonishing friends. I have also destroyed sweet relationships, buried myself in alcohol and drugs and pulled the darkness in as closely as I could.
What has been lost in seeking and becoming Julie, will be replenished many fold on the other side. This I know for sure!
I am endlessly grateful for 25 years of sobriety, and a couple of years of honest gender awareness. Thank you for allowing me a venue and a smile.
I love you all.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdreamontoyz.com%2Fbettyboop%2Fani%2Fxmas%2Fani-bb_hh.gif&hash=774aae944a5b2d81830628ff0521b44487d04acd)
Wonderfully stated. I relate to the long wait. It's worth it.
Dina
Hi Julie and welcome to our family here at Susan's! :)
Welcome aboard Julie and Happy Birthday. You have a lot to celebrate in your nicely descriptive introduction. I can relate to many of your circumstances and appreciate your upbeat attitude and lack of regrets about a past life. When we get this many decades in it is not like our past will magically disappear. We bring more to the party IMHO and some people enjoy sorting out our baggage ;)
keep smiling girl!
A big warm welcome to the family! Relax, feel at home and jump right in. I am so glad you come here for support and encouragement. I myself have more baggage than United Airlines and I have found this is my sorting facility as well. ;D
Quote from: Dina DAngelo on December 26, 2013, 08:13:02 PM
Wonderfully stated. I relate to the long wait. It's worth it.
Dina
Dina,
Thank You. I know this is true, but it is still nice to hear.
Quote from: Tessa James on December 26, 2013, 09:06:34 PM
We bring more to the party IMHO and some people enjoy sorting out our baggage ;)
The magical thing about the past is that it is over. To be resentful is to refeel old injury, it takes too much energy, and too much attention. I spent decades feeling lonely, angry, different, and afraid. Even when I held the accoutrements of success (now rapidly evaporating), nothing really filled the void. For today at least I am whole and at peace and the path forward is not filled with fear. And even though my councilor sometimes pushes me harder than I would like to make choices I don't want to make, there is endless possibility in the offing. This isn't easy, nor is it painless - but it contains the air and light that my life has always lacked.
As to my baggage? The underwear is on the right hand side. ;D
Thank You Tessa, your posts inspire me, always.
Hi Julie, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm the Boston representative. See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn