Let's see if we can beat the post holiday blues.
What amazing moments did you have during your transition?
For me, every time I see my new name I can't believe that I ended up with a name so wonderful. It's been months since my name change but it still never fails to bring a jolt of euphoria. I told this to a cis friend at work and she said "well of course, you chose it."
She just wouldn't understand how amazingly beautiful a properly gendered name can be.
The feeling of relief and well being from looking down at painted toes
Experiencing my first "mam" and hearing people refer to me as "she" :)
Kaitlin Amen to bright RED toe nailshttps://www.susans.org/forums/Smileys/susans/cool.gif
Looking down and seeing my shirt/blouse tented and knowing that its not from something artificial.
The magic of finally cracking open the door that held me captive for sooooo long.
The vicarious thrill I get reading about the successes of those further along the road.
Coming out publicly on Facebook and receiving a flood of support.
The look that I exchange with my "one coworker who knows my secret" when she passes my office. They don't know what they're in for. ;D
The pure joy I feel when I am smiled at by other women who recognize me as a woman! :) :) :)
It would be those moments when I realize just how easy and natural life is. I never had to think about what to do or say or how it will come across - I can just let it flow and it come out pure girl LOL!
Woodless mornings.
Feeling at home in my own skin.
--Jay
Those thousands of tiny considerations that happen at random when I'm presenting female. The smiles I get, the warmth women show me. The kindness men show me.
And, of course, the occasional double-take when a cashier looks at my card and ID and then back at me. I'm hoping in another six months to a year that won't be an issue anymore, but meanwhile I do enjoy their surprise a bit. :)
Calm and peace after a lifetime of fear and anxiety.
Seeing colors after a lifetime in a haze
Smelling musk for the first time
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Finally starting to see myself in the mirror. OMG it's like my mom or one of my sisters! ;)
Well hello there girly one ;D ;D ;D
For me, this year, the best thing was the other moms at my son's school fully accepting me as one of them. That is such an amazing feeling.
Getting my drivers license and government health care card with updated name and gender. It was more exciting than when I got my license the first time.
When my friend found me in a dysphoric mess, told me she knew I was trans when all I could make myself say was some garbled cryptic message about thanking her, and my problem never being able to be entirely fixed, and supporting me. She made the phonecall to the doctors for me the next day to get me an appointment, went with me to it, and puts up with my pessimistic ranting.
My missus staying with me and seeing me as male even though we were together for a year before she found out I wasn't female.
Being called by my real name and being gendered correctly.
This year has been a rollercoaster, the lows have been diabolical but the high points have been out of this world by comparison.
I started HRT after battling the NHS for almost 3 yrs, the harder & longer you have to fight for something the sweeter the victory tastes & this tastes like the nectar of the gods.
I can see early breast growth even though no-one else can really see it (I suspect they are just humouring me when they say they can see them) but who cares? For years I had to wear a bra with padding to feel slightly normal but now I don't even need to wear a bra with the knowledge that the girls are waking up.
My mum put my new name in this years birthday card (it's the only time she's used it but it's a milestone). I have the birthday card safely tucked away in my memory box 'till the end of time.
Quote from: Jayne on December 27, 2013, 09:58:49 PM
This year has been a rollercoaster, the lows have been diabolical but the high points have been out of this world by comparison.
I started HRT after battling the NHS for almost 3 yrs, the harder & longer you have to fight for something the sweeter the victory tastes & this tastes like the nectar of the gods.
I can see early breast growth even though no-one else can really see it (I suspect they are just humouring me when they say they can see them) but who cares? For years I had to wear a bra with padding to feel slightly normal but now I don't even need to wear a bra with the knowledge that the girls are waking up.
My mum put my new name in this years birthday card (it's the only time she's used it but it's a milestone). I have the birthday card safely tucked away in my memory box 'till the end of time.
Yea. They would not understand. But we do. Thank you.
Hugs,
Jen
The joy in the problems that come with having breasts: Feel the pain when they first start growing? Hey everyone, my breasts are budding! Whack them on a door while they're in the painful growing stage? It's fine, because they are growing. Roll over in bed wrong and the pain wakes you? Hey, there are breasts! Have sweaty nipples and accidently rub them wrong? Yes, I have nipples that sweat! Put on your first bra and it's too small? YES!!!
(I fear I have this strange relationship with my breasts. But hey I HAVE BREASTS!!)
Hugs,
Jen
Quote from: JLT1 on December 27, 2013, 10:31:45 PM
The joy in the problems that come with having breasts: Feel the pain when they first start growing? Hey everyone, my breasts are budding! Whack them on a door while they're in the painful growing stage? It's fine, because they are growing. Roll over in bed wrong and the pain wakes you? Hey, there are breasts! Have sweaty nipples and accidently rub them wrong? Yes, I have nipples that sweat! Put on your first bra and it's too small? YES!!!
(I fear I have this strange relationship with my breasts. But hey I HAVE BREASTS!!)
Hugs,
Jen
I sure hope that isn't a strange relationship, as I have about the same one!
Oh where do I begin their is just to many of them to list here. I guess the first time I was called ma'am was a big one. But the moments I absolutely love is when I'm called she or her or ma'am when completely dressed as a guy. There is just something special about that just makes me pause and think yeah I don't really pass as a male anymore and I'm free to be myself. :)
Quote from: Heather on December 28, 2013, 04:18:07 PM
Oh where do I begin their is just to many of them to list here. I guess the first time I was called ma'am was a big one. But the moments I absolutely love is when I'm called she or her or ma'am when completely dressed as a guy. There is just something special about that just makes me pause and think yeah I don't really pass as a male anymore and I'm free to be myself. :)
Heather you have long passed being able to pass as male. ;D
Im new to this so going to cvs and getting my first perscription is the greatest thing. 5 days ago haha
This card, and my family telling me they'd pay my top surgery :) It's been a great end to a pretty crappy year.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fgreypaper.com%2Fforums%2Fcard.jpg&hash=f7ea823c6509a8924240c1b4e5f15b124d15cd69)
As for other things. My first chest hair. I kept trying to make people look, but they just didn't get it ;)
The massive, knowing grin the pharmacist gave me when filling my scrip yesterday. ;D
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on December 28, 2013, 04:25:51 PM
Heather you have long passed being able to pass as male. ;D
Lol yeah your right Bethany I have but I got to admit I kinda get a kick out of dressing in some of my old clothes just to remind myself how far I've come. :D
For me the day I took the first dose of E was an amazing day in my life as I took control or my life for the first time.
It was so empowering and as many know such a relief as I knew from that day the demons would be no more.
Something a Cis person will never understand.
J
Going into the bank, medicare, driving licence places and saying 'I've had a name change' and presenting as female and seeing the reaction. Never had a negative one!
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 29, 2013, 12:21:44 AM
For me the day I took the first dose of E was an amazing day in my life as I took control or my life for the first time.
It was so empowering and as many know such a relief as I knew from that day the demons would be no more.
Something a Cis person will never understand.
J
This is a big point.
How a terrible feeling like hormonal dysphoria can feel so affirming.
How dressing as myself feels right, not sexual -- early on, my wife really didn't like me folding her clothes... especially the underwear. I was like... I don't get off on it, and they wouldn't fit me anyway :P
Quote from: KabitTarah on December 29, 2013, 05:34:59 AM
How a terrible feeling like hormonal dysphoria can feel so affirming.
How dressing as myself feels right, not sexual -- early on, my wife really didn't like me folding her clothes... especially the underwear. I was like... I don't get off on it, and they wouldn't fit me anyway :P
Thank you. This is so hard to explain to people!
I'm actually having one right now!
I recently got myself a haircut. I used to have Pink's hairstyle but it was too long for me, so went and got myself a semi-short standard men's haircut and now I can't stop looking in the mirror. I love how handsome it makes me look, and I love how, according to my mom, it brings out my masculine features. My dad hates it though; he and my brother feel that women should have long hair but since I'm not a woman so... at least my mother loves it.
Looks especially good when paired with men's clothes.
My dad telling the nurse at the hospital was in that I am his older daughter and the nurse telling me that I look younger than her :) - The main point however is that he does now really always and without fail refer to me as his daughter, the same with my mom. It took them some years but now that is how it is and it is beautiful :)
I've had several encouraging moments, but honestly, I still dont see a light in this dark place I've put myself in, but I now have HOPE that I will soon. and a lot of that hope haas come from threads like this, seeing people who where here getting out of it and being happy. also got a "hey girl" yesterday from some random guy, followed by a rapid, embarrassed look on his face, I haven't had any hrt and wasn't dressed or acting femme, but it made me feel like something of myself was finally seen by somebody, till they saw my face at least
That first time I went out in public as myself and was actually happy about myself for the first time after 25 years of not feeling good about who I was.
I actually tried to get my sister to understand what it was like to feel the way I do but she is a relative Tom boy who just isn't able to understand what it is like to be forced into living in a rigid structure of this is how you dress, this is how you act and this is how you have to look or face ridicule and hatred. As a woman she can get away with dressing like a guy, not shaving her legs, not wearing makeup and nobody would bat an eye. But as a guy even the slightest strays away from the normal social norm and you get blasted away or at least I have all my life. I asked her to bind her chest and tuck her hair up under a hat and try to act like a guy and how would that make her feel, her answer was still like a woman because that's what I was born as ::) She'll never understand.
The first time I was able to look in the mirror and see me.
Quote from: Megumi on December 30, 2013, 11:38:42 PMI asked her to bind her chest and tuck her hair up under a hat and try to act like a guy and how would that make her feel, her answer was still like a woman because that's what I was born as ::) She'll never understand.
Well yeah - so tell her that this is how you also feel, but the point is not that she would feel like a guy but if she was bothered at all by being treated like a guy 24/7 if she did that, if she was not allowed to act differently, if she was not allowed to do (insert whatever thing she likes about being a woman - intimate chats with other women, womens sports,...). Also make that a breast amputation and the hair cut off - oh and an unexplainable drop in the voice. Oh and hairs growing in the face - how would she fell then? Probably still like a woman, but would she be fine with it? I doubt it, because no woman will - neither she nor you.
Quote from: anjaq on December 31, 2013, 06:33:15 AM
Well yeah - so tell her that this is how you also feel, but the point is not that she would feel like a guy but if she was bothered at all by being treated like a guy 24/7 if she did that, if she was not allowed to act differently, if she was not allowed to do (insert whatever thing she likes about being a woman - intimate chats with other women, womens sports,...). Also make that a breast amputation and the hair cut off - oh and an unexplainable drop in the voice. Oh and hairs growing in the face - how would she fell then? Probably still like a woman, but would she be fine with it? I doubt it, because no woman will - neither she nor you.
That actually was something that I tried as well a week or so ago. She is stubborn as can be, both me and my mom agree that my sister has 0, none, zilch, nada empathy at all and is incapable of understanding how others might feel.
I think the way I worded it was, imagine that you were in some kind of car accident and your upper body was burned so bad that your breasts had to be removed, they had to remove your female organs and just sew that spot up so it was just a flat spot with something that looks like male genitals and that you lost all the hair on your head and it would never grow back. Somehow you had no physical scars so you only appeared to be a flat chested bald person and because of all of that you are stressed out so much from appearing not like you think you should and now your hormones have gone out of whack, so now you don't feel right and you begin to grow a beard and your voice begins to deepen and before you know it you appear & sound in every way like a male even though you know that on the inside you are a woman. How would you feel? Her response was an angered "well I'd still be a woman because that's what GOD MADE ME, I could get a boob job and wear a wig and have my beard lasered off and see an endo and get my hormones in check" she actually yelled that response and proved my point without noticing that what she said was what we go through to transition because we know how we feel on the INSIDE.
What an amazing trip down memory lane! All good moments! My favorite (current) one is, when I inhale while looking straight ahead...I see my chest rising into my 6 o'clock peripheral vision...
8) <--And yes, my feeling is, "OMG! That is so cool!"
Having a woman I met (who thought I was cis) tell me that I was hot and had such good genes I really should reproduce ;D
Quote from: Megumi on December 31, 2013, 11:16:24 AM"well I'd still be a woman because that's what GOD MADE ME, I could get a boob job and wear a wig and have my beard lasered off and see an endo and get my hormones in check" she actually yelled that response and proved my point without noticing that what she said was what we go through to transition because we know how we feel on the INSIDE.
LOL - yeah - point made, I would guess :P
I guess if she is about how GOD made her (which is such a stupid argument usually), then GOD made some women with a body that looks like a male. That women then feel the same as she would after that fantasy accident. As of why god would do such a thing, I guess that question is a) for her to answer and b) can match itself with the question why god made intersexed people, why god makes people with birth defects etc... After all this is how I see it - it is sort of an intersex condition (brain/body mismatch) and in a way it is a birth defect because the body was somehow masculinized and doe snot match the female brain/soul.
Quote from: anjaq on January 01, 2014, 07:30:49 PM
LOL - yeah - point made, I would guess :P
I guess if she is about how GOD made her (which is such a stupid argument usually), then GOD made some women with a body that looks like a male. That women then feel the same as she would after that fantasy accident. As of why god would do such a thing, I guess that question is a) for her to answer and b) can match itself with the question why god made intersexed people, why god makes people with birth defects etc... After all this is how I see it - it is sort of an intersex condition (brain/body mismatch) and in a way it is a birth defect because the body was somehow masculinized and doe snot match the female brain/soul.
Personally... I think god makes us to challenge their self-professed followers. Many of them are failing. ;)
The chances I will get to ever make a physical transition are somewhere between slim and none. But reading the posts in this topic just made me burst out in tears of happiness. So I know the mental and emotional transition continues. I am proud of all of you. <3
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 29, 2013, 12:21:44 AM
For me the day I took the first dose of E was an amazing day in my life as I took control or my life for the first time.
It was so empowering and as many know such a relief as I knew from that day the demons would be no more.
Something a Cis person will never understand.
J
Plus one to this! Though for T, and getting rid of E :D
My most recent happy moment was a few days ago, I needed to nip to the high-street for the first time since surgery. I got dressed so quickly, and I looked great! No need for binders and body suits and layers. Just T-Shirt, Jeans, done. I was a little upset that I needed to put a coat on because it was freezing :P and then I was amazed at how cold I was, I could feel the wind and cold on my torso, I haven't felt cold in years because of all the layers I was wearing to keep my chest in check. I also returned home without having to immediately strip off and shower from all the sweat. Such a great feeling! This year is the first time in my life I'm looking forward to summer.
I'm sitting here at work, staying late and trying to make up for lost time today as I spent 4 hours in electrolysis earlier. My face is clean for the first time post-puberty. No stubble, no hairs, just soft skin. I keep rubbing my hands on it. The pain I have gone through was well worth just that first stroke on smooth skin.
Hugs,
Jen
Quote from: anjaq on January 01, 2014, 07:30:49 PM
LOL - yeah - point made, I would guess :P
I guess if she is about how GOD made her (which is such a stupid argument usually), then GOD made some women with a body that looks like a male. That women then feel the same as she would after that fantasy accident. As of why god would do such a thing, I guess that question is a) for her to answer and b) can match itself with the question why god made intersexed people, why god makes people with birth defects etc... After all this is how I see it - it is sort of an intersex condition (brain/body mismatch) and in a way it is a birth defect because the body was somehow masculinized and doe snot match the female brain/soul.
I can guarantee that she would say God never made a mistake and that someone in their family did something bad to cause a generational curse and that's why they were born with defects. Many thanks goes out to Daystar and my mom for this new out there term "generational curse" for justifying why I feel the way I do. I seriously doubt I'll ever get them to understand what being transgender is like due to their hard set stance on religion. It doesn't stop me from trying to talk with them but it sure is making it harder and harder to converse with them while having a bible slammed upside my face the whole time.
Quote from: KabitTarah on January 02, 2014, 03:46:29 AM
Personally... I think god makes us to challenge their self-professed followers. Many of them are failing. ;)
;D
Having the door held open for me ;D
The big grin on your face when you are gendered correctly and consistantly from a waiter/ress, cashier, etc, and they look at your parent/partner strange when they misgender you.
Quote from: Megumi on January 02, 2014, 09:35:09 PM
I can guarantee that she would say God never made a mistake and that someone in their family did something bad to cause a generational curse and that's why they were born with defects.
Well - the reason is of no consequence - if someone die something bad and as a consequence your family was given a girl that has a birth defect and looks like a guy, it is still not your fault, is it? You are the one who suffers from it, maybe the family also has a hard time but unless they are switching over to a belief in reincarnation, they cannot blame the birth defect on you.
For me the biggest moments that cis-people will never understand were.
Getting my ears done
wearing a dress to a party for the first time
painting my room a baby pink
having that first drink bought for me
Oh, and while in the toilets, being asked for a tampon, I'll never forget that moment and the weird look I got when I said "you can buy one just there"...