So another year is quickly coming to an end and at such times it is often worth looking back a bit and taking stock. To avoid writing a novel, I will however keep it to my experience here... :) Maybe others would be interested in doing something similar to close out their own year?
I joined Susan's on the 1st April and after a very negative experience on a very "ideological" French TG forum, I was very unsure of what I would find here.
Nine months later, I can only say how impressed I am by almost every aspect of Susan's place from the quality of the inputs, the quality of the support, the simple decency that seems to inspire so many members and of course the constant presence of a very remarkable team of moderators which sets the tone for everything else. End of the day, the best experience I have ever had on any forum.
Feeling much better haven gotten that off my chest :) I will get to central subject of this post, a few thoughts that came to mind as I used the Christmas break to read through more posts that I had in quite a while.
I particularly liked a post by Robin Mack, "Thoughts on the danger of passing, and Armor" , https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,156525.0.html#msg1318493 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,156525.0.html#msg1318493) but didn't have time to react when I read it.
It really struck a chord, actually even more than that I would have to say that the feeling of not fitting that Robin mentions at the very beginning of her post has been a pretty permanent feature of my conscious existence. For those who like to read, for me as an impressionable adolescent this translated into a passion for authors like H.Hesse, F.Kafka, A.Camus, J-P. Sartre, T. Mann...and a few others. It also lead me to run away from home at a very early age, no longer able to handle the desperation I felt from this permanent feeling of not belonging and with absolutely nowhere to turn for help at the time.
Fast forward almost forty years and the therapy sessions I have been doing over the last few years and it is amazing how much that feeling is still a big part of who I am. The single biggest change has been finding another person, my wife, to whom I feel closer than I have ever felt to another human being. The other big change has been a far greater level of self-acceptance than in those early years, up to and including an acceptance of the fact that as a TG person, maybe I never can fully fit in with mainstream society.
This gets me to another thread I particularly liked, started by Suzi, "Amazing Transition Moments that Cis people would never understand" https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,156520.msg1318432.html#msg1318432 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,156520.msg1318432.html#msg1318432) My contribution was "The pure joy I feel when I am smiled at by other women who recognize me as a woman" and I noticed a few other people mentioned very similar themes. I guess for many of us this has to be central to the whole motivation for transitioning ie. finally becoming part of the community we have always felt we should belong to but from which we were excluded because of our bodies and the armor we had built around ourselves over the years. As mentioned above, whether I can ever fully integrate society as a woman remains to be seen but for me, 2014, will be a watershed year. At last, after a very long transition ( I started in Sept 2008) , I will be able to go full time in all aspects of my life, right down to and including change to birth certificate, marriage license etc..
Transitioning really is a most extraordinary experience and I can think of no better a place to share the big moments of that experience, my own doubts and learnings along the way, than here. Thanks to the inputs from all the other members, I can also think of no better place to prepare for that experience. Providing constant food for thought, these inputs help me better understand who I am (examples in this post) , what I need to do and also things I probably don't need to do. In my case the real big issue was positioning myself re. GCS (BTW I learned that abbreviation from Cindy this morning.. ;)) As good if not better than any therapy I could have done!
So thank you all for making this place the extraordinary place is it et très bonne année 2014!
Donna
Donna Hugs,
I agree with everything you have said in your post.
I love the people here, for being there for me and each other. We as a group share many common experiences, hopes and dreams.
2014 will be an awesome year.
Also, look beautiful.
(this is my lemon drop post 714)
Thank you Donna and please know that you are one of those that have made this site so very positive and important to me and others. We genuinely live up to the ideals, IMO, of being a support site and forum.
It is especially significant to have the international and cross cultural postings that keep us out of the bubble and expand our understanding and inclusiveness.
There are so many eloquent and poetic writers and down home passions that animate these pages. What a gift!
We know too for every member there are many who read and learn and may gain some understanding of themselves and a greater world view.
Yes, thank you all for contributing to a fine year right here.
Thanks Donna. :)
I joined Susan's about half a year ago and have to say it was one of the best decisions I've made. I don't have any special threads to share but I would like to say that I've made a number of great friends and met many more wonderful people. I'm grateful for the support and advice I've received. Sure, not all the threads are to my interest and many get a bit circular and while some topics already seem a bit repetitive (no doubt I've contributed to that myself on more than one occasion) but I love the diversity of content and thoughts and feelings and compassion.
Here's to a great 2014!
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 28, 2013, 03:13:36 PM
Thanks Donna. :)
I joined Susan's about half a year ago and have to say it was one of the best decisions I've made. I don't have any special threads to share but I would like to say that I've made a number of great friends and met many more wonderful people. I'm grateful for the support and advice I've received. Sure, not all the threads are to my interest and many get a bit circular and while some topics already seem a bit repetitive (no doubt I've contributed to that myself on more than one occasion) but I love the diversity of content and thoughts and feelings and compassion.
Here's to a great 2014!
Hi Grace
Effectively, here's to a great 2014 and since I have also read quite a few of your posts over the last couple of days, we may be celebrating finally going full time around the same time. If my court procedure works out as I hope/expect, it shouldn't be any later than April. I think I remember you saying June, with just one significant obstacle, your family, to still get around. I thought about reacting to your post on that subject but our situations are so different I let it go. The only thing I can say from my experience with my siblings (parents already passed away) is that apart from the fact that our position in a family is almost engraved in marble (son, brother, youngest, eldest etc etc...) and therefore very, very difficult to change, there was considerable concern from a couple of my siblings about what other people would think as if what I was doing could negatively impact how others perceived them. I can actually understand this up to a point but, as I don't even live in the same country as my siblings, it is of little practical importance to me.
Wishing you all the best!
Donna
Thanks Donna! Yes, I'm pretty sure a lot of people who are close to us react with concern for us but also themselves - how will this reflect on them? It's human nature, unfortunately. :-\
Donna, it's amazing how one post, or one person, or a forum such as this can make a difference in a person's life. I've been here nearly seven years and I still love reading peoples post of acceptance, victory, sorrows, concerns, lessons, and experiences. I'm sure one person has been touched by a post you made. Thank you for sharing with us, Donna.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
:)
While I scan a lot of the new posts pretty regularly, the ones I read on a regular basis are the blogs kept by Heather, Emily and CarrieLiz. All three have had very different experiences, but I find their sharing has helped me immensely with perspective. In them I find emotions of fear, sadness, excitement, strength and happiness. They are real and often difficult personal accounts of dealing with employers, thoughts on passing, the journey of self-exploration, and finding joy along the way. As something like 90% of my posts (admittedly - I know it!) are about the loss of my wife due to my own transition, I really appreciate the different points of view - knowing there are good things that come from this, and also that I am not the only one to struggle. They have been part of my transition support - thank you!
I joined Susan's three months ago, but it's also my second time here. But it was one of the best decisions I've made. I've made some good friends and met some wonderful people. I'm grateful for the support and advice I've received. And I love the diversity of content and thoughts and feelings and compassion. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR
One of the pleasures, and curses at times, of being a Mod is reading so many posts and seeing how people from all parts of the world join, contribute and grow.
The friends I make, you Donna among them, have enriched my life.
Sometimes I reflect on how lucky we are to meet people who do have a common problem. It does allow us to meet and feel for others.
I would never ever have met so many people that I love and appreciate, when we overcome the curse we are given to live with we need to accept how lucky we are.
You are all remarkable people.
Thank you for allowing me into your lives