I've started to wonder if I might not be a transwoman. I've spent a large amount of time since my adolescent years wishing I could be transformed into a female, and generally been more comfortable around women than men. I've ways been incredibly averse to traditionally masculine activities and attitudes.
However, I don't feel especially strong gender dysphoria. I'm not constantly upset about any part of my anatomy, and don't have to have surgery or else. While I've been pretty seriously depressed most of my life, I think if I were transgendered, I'd have stronger dysphoria. I'm pretty upset about balding, have always felt like I absolutely have to have long hair, and had a panic attack last time I had to cut it. I could live the rest of my life as a me and be disappointed but that's it.
I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt. This also feels disrespectful to all the people who do have severe dysphoria.
Can I be a transgender without having severe dysphoria? I realize only a therapist can give a diagnosis, but I really do feel left out, like I should be female but don't qualify because I don't want to not be male enough. And even if I were, I can't have the treatment because the symptoms aren't severe enough to warrant the risks.
Yes
No one can tell you if you're transgender or not except for you.
However, being transgender means different things to different people. If you truly feel that you're a woman, then you're a woman. There are a lot of trans men and women that don't feel the need to medically transition and that doesn't make them any less transgender. You've got to decide for yourself if you're transgender and what you feel you need to do to transition, medical or not.
My advice to you would be, do a lot of soul searching and talk about what you're feeling with a qualified gender therapist.
Everyone is different. You can still be transgender and not transition. It's all about what you feel comfortable doing or not doing.
If you can live the rest of your life without having to transition then by all means don't. If you feel that you have to transition then by all means do.
I actually want to transition, but feel like I have to need to transition more than I do to justify it. Does that make any sense?
Well you probably don't have SEVERE dysphoria but you can live with some degree of it and not know what it is. I am FTM, but I believe it is the same idea anyway. For instance you can feel that your body in some way doesn't match you without the level of dysphoria that some people describe here.
But of course the short answer is yes. It is a myth that all transgender people have dysphoria (at least about their bodies).
--Jay
It makes sense, Corvid, but it may or may not be valid in your case.
My suggestion is for you to see a gender counselor <https://www.susans.org/Healthcare/Therapists_and_Counselors/>. The counselor's number one job is to help YOU decide who you are. If YOU decide that, yes, you are a male to female transsexual, then the counselor can help you with whatever transition path you choose. But don't be surprised if you change your path along the way.
My transition may offer an example.
Although I can trace my gender issues back to age 9, I was never terribly uncomfortable. Like you, I just never felt comfortable with a typical, macho male personality, despite graduating from the Naval Academy, being 20 years a naval officer, marrying and fathering four daughters. Mostly, I kept a lingerie stash and increasingly longed for a female body as I aged.
Robyn broke through at age 58. At 61, I began HRT and decided with my counselor that I would be a non-op TS, but on my 63rd birthday I had SRS. Next February, my husband and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary.
Baby steps are appropriate, Corvid, but do take that first step. Find a gender counselor and find out who you are. I'm so glad that I did.
Best wishes.
Robyn the Elder
Yes, you can. I didn't have severe dysphoria overall, and I was and am still happy I transitioned. (fair warning : dysphoria for me got worse the farther into transition I went, until I was finished. I was never suicidal or felt like my life was without meaning b/c it was so bad, but I did find that the closer I got to what I *wanted,* the more the remaining issues bothered me. However, once I was finished with transition all my dysphoria focused on my genitals; when THAT was fixed, it disappeared entirely.) I used to wonder if I was just faking it, too. The best solution I could come up with was to look at each new step and decide if I wanted that specific thing - will I be happier if I pierce my ears/go on HRT/change my name? - and try not to worry about whether I wanted or "deserved" to go farther until I'd tackled that.
If you think you'd be happier as a woman, that's ALL you need to attempt transition. Even if it turns out you don't want to check off every thing on the Official Trans Woman List [tm], it doesn't mean you were wrong or made a mistake, it means you hammered out what you need most for you personally.
Quote from: Corvid1692 on December 28, 2013, 11:51:33 AM
I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt.
Hon, you don't have to qualify for therapy. It's not something you do once you've already decided who you are and what you want as a way to facilitate that. Well, for some people it might be, but it's also a vehicle for you to explore all these feelings. To talk over the way you think and how you feel about yourself with someone who will listen and not pass any sort of judgement on that. If anything, I would say the reverse was true and therapy is actually a very good idea.
There are people here who didn't feel physical dysphoria and transitioned to who they are, simply because although what they had didn't feel wrong as such, what they wanted felt more right. It's not a pre-requisite.
There seems to be a spectrum at play here. There are degrees of gender dysphoria ranging from mild to severe, likely depending on how much your brain failed to masculinize in utero. My dysphoria was always there, but it became increasingly difficult to keep in check with age and I finally had to do something about it at age 43. My therapist told me that it just gets worse with age and the only thing that helps is taking the correct balance of hormones for your particular needs.
I really didn't want to transition at first and I fought my femininity tooth and nail until I felt what estrogen did for me. I went full time a few weeks later. What a relief it finally was.
I have never had severe dysphoria. I have been happy and well adjusted my entire life. Though since going full-time 6 months ago, I feel much more true to myself.
I've never hated my body (though I wish it were a different shape), never felt suicidal or depressive over my gender. I knew I wished I was a woman, but I accepted that about myself.
Despite what shrinks will say, there ARE trans people who do not have dysphoria.
I thank my stars every day how lucky I am.
Quote from: Jill F on December 28, 2013, 12:55:14 PMMy therapist told me that it just gets worse with age and the only thing that helps is taking the correct balance of hormones for your particular needs.
A BIG AMEN to that! At 46 it hit me like a ton of bricks with a dinosaur on top. Prior to that I thought it was going to be manageable for my whole life. Repression and not wanting to face it only increases it (in my opinion).
Totally normal, and yes you can be trans without hating your body. I don't have strong dysphoria and I know I'm a guy. My discomfort comes more from the fact that while I'm pretty secure in my masculinity and self-image, other people still see a girl. So there's an external and internal aspect to it. As for age, if it helps I'm 24 and by no means an expert.
Quote from: suzifrommd on December 28, 2013, 01:52:10 PM
I have never had severe dysphoria. I have been happy and well adjusted my entire life. Though since going full-time 6 months ago, I feel much more true to myself.
I've never hated my body (though I wish it were a different shape), never felt suicidal or depressive over my gender. I knew I wished I was a woman, but I accepted that about myself.
Despite what shrinks will say, there ARE trans people who do not have dysphoria.
I thank my stars every day how lucky I am.
Like Suzi, I have never had sever dysphoria either, nor have I hated my body, but I do recall reading a article in a tabloid when I was 14 years old about this kid who was using a public urinal, and some guy grabbed him and cut off his genitals and he had a vagina surgically done as a replacement. I felt so jealous of him. 'Cos I wanted one as well. But I do find that I am constantly depressed but not suicidal.
I feel that my dysphoria is such that I'm not pining to become a woman. I've been on low-dose HRT for nearly 7 months now and I feel fairly in-check. Interestingly enough, I've had no urge to dress or appear in fem. In fact, I've had no urges of any variety. It seems that I have hit a plateau at this juncture.
Quote from: Corvid1692 on December 28, 2013, 11:51:33 AM
I've started to wonder if I might not be a transwoman. I've spent a large amount of time since my adolescent years wishing I could be transformed into a female, and generally been more comfortable around women than men. I've ways been incredibly averse to traditionally masculine activities and attitudes.
However, I don't feel especially strong gender dysphoria. I'm not constantly upset about any part of my anatomy, and don't have to have surgery or else. While I've been pretty seriously depressed most of my life, I think if I were transgendered, I'd have stronger dysphoria. I'm pretty upset about balding, have always felt like I absolutely have to have long hair, and had a panic attack last time I had to cut it. I could live the rest of my life as a me and be disappointed but that's it.
I feel like I wouldn't qualify for any kind of therapy because I'm not incredibly distressed by the body I have, which leaves me feeling oddly left out, and almost wishing I had worse gender dysphoria than I do, rather than feeling lucky that I can survive with the hand I was dealt. This also feels disrespectful to all the people who do have severe dysphoria.
Can I be a transgender without having severe dysphoria? I realize only a therapist can give a diagnosis, but I really do feel left out, like I should be female but don't qualify because I don't want to not be male enough. And even if I were, I can't have the treatment because the symptoms aren't severe enough to warrant the risks.
Just to clarify, are you saying that you have absolutely no dysphoria (as the thread title suggests) or do you experience some dysphoria? I ask because at one point you say that you wish you had "worse gender dysphoria than I do", which seems to suggest, contrary to your thread title, that you do in fact suffer from some level of dysphoria.
Your question touches on something that I've wondered for a while, which is: Can someone have strong fantasies about being the opposite gender without being transgendered?
Now, I want to stress that I'm not making any claims about your gender status. But I have to ask myself whether the following traits that you list always constitute gender dysphoria:
- Adolescent desire (fantasy?) to be female
- Averse to traditional male activities and attitudes
- Depression
- Balding anxiety
I ask this, because I have a couple of well-adjusted male friends who have all of the above traits and do not identify as trans in any way.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 28, 2013, 02:14:24 PM
I do recall reading a article in a tabloid when I was 14 years old about this kid who was using a public urinal, and some guy grabbed him and cut off his genitals and he had a vagina surgically done as a replacement.
The stuff they make up to sell newspapers.
If you're a teenager or in your early 20's dysphoria can get worse as you age.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 02:42:02 PM
Just to clarify, are you saying that you have absolutely no dysphoria (as the thread title suggests) or do you experience some dysphoria? I ask because at one point you say that you wish you had "worse gender dysphoria than I do", which seems to suggest, contrary to your thread title, that you do in fact suffer from some level of dysphoria.
Your question touches on something that I've wondered for a while, which is: Can someone have strong fantasies about being the opposite gender without being transgendered?
Now, I want to stress that I'm not making any claims about your gender status. But I have to ask myself whether the following traits that you list always constitute gender dysphoria:
- Adolescent desire (fantasy?) to be female
- Averse to traditional male activities and attitudes
- Depression
- Balding anxiety
I ask this, because I have a couple of well-adjusted male friends who have all of the above traits and do not identify as trans in any way.
You're absolutely right, and I've thought about the same thing. Actually, many diagnosis are made up of characteristics and behaviors that can exist outside of individuals for whom that diagnosis is appropriate. I feel that I have real mild dysphoria, that's not tied to any specific part of my body, but is more of a generalized but strong sense of wrongness. And the wishing I was female started as an adolescent, but had continued into my early 30s. I am often an jealous of people around me just because they won a coin flip that made them female. And the balding fear is tied to how iconically male baldness is, even though many cis females also deal with baldness.
And to clarify, when I talked about qualifying for therapy, I meant hrt, rather than just therapy in general. I actually am seizing a therapist for depression and suicidal ideation, which is going well. I've mentioned suspecting I wasn't cis gendered, and they seemed understanding, but we haven't focused on it. They also aren't gender identity specialists, and I'm not sure if have many options with out money or insurance.
Also, thanks for everyone's responses!
IMO people can certainly consider themselves transgender with any level of dysphoria. We get to share others experience here and we have posts from folks who have little to no genital dysphoria and others ready to do home surgery. For some its our anatomy, who we see in the mirror and for me a tortured internal dialogue that lasted too long. I'm not a therapist but like many here have talked to a few and transgender seems a phenomena that we have no objective tests for. It's your truth that counts. I discounted being trans for years partly on the basis of my ability to hide and cope with a secret.
We also have no test to quantify the ability or, disability if you like, about our personal capacity to cope with our dysphoria. I had an uncomfortable interaction with another transgender woman last night who I felt discounted my presentation and everything about me saying repeatedly "you are a guy to me." She seemed to consider my late in life transition as proof i was not a woman or transgender enough to qualify for her respect. Sigh, such a limited view.
Some have an elitist perspective that suggests their dysphoria was so bad that they had to do or die at a young age and had to go all the way to surgery to be a woman while you others are just playing on the margins and not really transgender, transsexual or real women or men. Coping and other adaptations to the distress of dysphoria is not a reliable guide to who we are IMO.
Real life also has no moderators to soften the rhetoric of the insular and exclusive club members. It takes a thick skin some days eh?
I prefer to think of it more as "gender dissonance" and I consider my dysphoria to be fairly low. Wasn't always the case, as a teen and adolescent I would punch myself, considered taking a knife to my genitals, amongst other fairly unpleasant things. Somehow I got clear of that self-destructive self-hate behaviour. It's amazing I survived it now I think about it. But these days I'm pretty good. Sure I'm taking potentially health impairing HRT, having my face zapped to kill my beard and contemplating genital corrective surgery but I don't feel that I hate myself. I do hate being in a male body and being treated as such, but I don't hate myself. I can look at my body and not loathe it or be upset by it. Somewhere along the path I did learn to love myself, faults and all. I am me, how can I hate myself? I can't. Maybe that's why I'm not experiencing the same dysphoria as before. I have to say it did make me wonder "how trans*" I really was when I restarted this process. But to be honest the thought of not going through with it brings up such dread and fear that I know I have to do this, that's why I consider it a dissonance... that's what still remains, for me, when the dysphoria is reduced. Don't know if that makes much sense.
I never considered myself to have strong dysphoria, either. My desire to transition was there, and it was gradually getting stronger, but I didn't really hate anything about the person I used to be. It's up to you to decide on if you are transgender, and what to do about it if you are. I think you should start by talking with a gender therapist, and then see where life takes you from there!
Quote from: Anna++ on December 28, 2013, 04:34:31 PM
It's up to you to decide on if you are transgender...
Could you clarify, as I'm not really sure what you mean by your above comment.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 04:59:16 PM
Could you clarify, as I'm not really sure what you mean by your above comment.
I mean that other people can't tell you if you are trans or not, it is something you have to figure out (and accept) for yourself. The gender therapist will provide guidance for learning who you really are.
Quote from: Anna++ on December 28, 2013, 05:05:12 PM
I mean that other people can't tell you if you are trans or not, it is something you have to figure out (and accept) for yourself. The gender therapist will provide guidance for learning who you really are.
I don't accept being trans, does that meant that I'm actually not trans?
I identify with a lot of what the OP wrote. Lifelong depression, relating better to women than to men, feeling nothing but distaste for "masculinity," feeling like some kind of alien life form when I'm among people.
On the other hand, I've never felt this overwhelming need to become female (-- yet.) I mostly just don't want anything to do with the male role, and envy that certain way women (mostly) accept other women and never accept men. I also tell myself it's impossible, anyway, because the best I could hope for is to become a half-assed imitation of a woman.
On yet another hand, I often wish I'd been born a woman -- there are so many things that women get to do and to be that I've had impressed upon me are forbidden to men. (And, yes, I know that women face all kinds of restrictions and oppressions that I, living as a man, never have to deal with. Maybe if I'd been born a woman, I'd be wishing I were a man.) When I was a child, I was terrified by stories in which a boy becomes a girl, but I think what I was actually terrified by was a wish that I could be transformed, a wish that was so forbidden I had to hide it even from myself. Over the past ~10 years or so, I've gotten to the point of wearing skirts and jumpers ("pinafores", for you Brits) and sometimes dresses most of the time, and when I put on pants, I feel like I'm in drag. (I'd wear women's blouses if I could find ones that actually fit me. Maybe when my sewing skills get good enough, I'll make some, the way I make my own skirts &c.) So my presentation is mixed -- female clothes with a male body.
I don't know what to call myself. If I call myself "transgender," it feels like I'm "appropriating" the experience of Real Transsexuals(tm). I used to think of myself as a cross-dresser, but every CDing forum I've visited just turns me off -- their attitude towards women, towards "femininity," and towards what they do is as alien to me as the stereotypical male locker room conversation. I feel a lot more at home in the discussion fora for transgendered and transsexuals, even though I don't think I am one. (Just as I feel a lot more at home in discussion groups by and for women than for groups for men -- or for mixed genders, either, since they usually end up being male-dominated.) I've been hanging out in the androgyn section, but I don't feel any particular attraction to androgyny (though the people there are nice.)
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 05:19:27 PM
I don't accept being trans, does that meant that I'm actually not trans?
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. It is possible for somebody to be trans and not accept it, just as it is possible for somebody to not accept having any other medical condition.
Quote from: Sephirah on December 28, 2013, 12:47:34 PM
Hon, you don't have to qualify for therapy. It's not something you do once you've already decided who you are and what you want as a way to facilitate that. Well, for some people it might be, but it's also a vehicle for you to explore all these feelings. To talk over the way you think and how you feel about yourself with someone who will listen and not pass any sort of judgement on that. If anything, I would say the reverse was true and therapy is actually a very good idea.
There are people here who didn't feel physical dysphoria and transitioned to who they are, simply because although what they had didn't feel wrong as such, what they wanted felt more right. It's not a pre-requisite.
I agree. You don't need to "qualify" for therapy/counseling. You go to one. They should not tell you who you are but help you figure out who you are. It's a pretty basic step if you express any, I mean, any amt of confusion. I don't feel you should have to go to one, but if you do want to medically transition, it's often a requirement as well.
--Jay
It seems to me we create our own "CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY" while a therapist or others may give it their official stamp of approval.
There are no objective tests for being transgender and no accurate measurements of dysphoria or pain. We use a crude 1-10 scale to even talk about physical pain. Pain is a complex set of signals. You can interpret it for your self or? We ultimately become our own "gatekeeper" for many of the decisions we make about what to do about how we feel.
I suppose this leaves it free for us to ponder until it is as clear as mud. Perhaps a good reason so many of us recommend an experienced gender therapist for assistance?
I didn't have the classical dysphoric feelings mine came in a lot of subconscious forms such as lack of hygienic care, zero confidence of how i looked as a guy, very poor social skills, ect. I questioned constantly if transition was right or not for me since i didn't have dysphoria but what i didn't realize at the time how much i really did just in different ways. as i went through transition i noticed that classical dysphoria started to emerge. most especially during low hormones or having to return to my male self for any extended period of time. i stopped hormones all together for 3 months about 6 months into transition and it was really the first time i had the classical dysphoria. I think we all get it in our own ways and to varying degrees. the most important thing is to just be honest with yourself and very self evaluating. if someone told me last year i would go all the way with surgery i would say they were crazy, i don't really feel dysphoric towards bottom. truth is now a year and 2 months into transition i have a ton of dysphoria towards bottom and plan to now have surgery.
One thing i did to help make my decision was to sit down and evaluate the negative consequences of transitioning and most importantly the permanent effects i would have to live with should i change my mind. likewise i weighed it against staying as i was and just being open and honest about things to friends and family. for me i know no matter what i couldn't hide things anymore so weather i was to transition or not i accepted i didn't fall into typical roles and wouldn't pretend to be ultra masculine to hide myself anymore.
Quote from: Anna++ on December 28, 2013, 05:37:42 PM
I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. It is possible for somebody to be trans and not accept it, just as it is possible for somebody to not accept having any other medical condition.
I think this exchange is suffering from some innocent equivocation.
I've never had a huge level of dysphoria - in fact, I'd describe it simply as a nagging feeling that something was wrong. I think I presented my therapist a challenge - I still don't have a real diagnosis, I'm simply 'a good candidate for hormonal reassignment'. I sometimes feel he is waiting for me to decide it's all been a terrible mistake, but it hasn't been.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 05:19:27 PM
I don't accept being trans, does that meant that I'm actually not trans?
Acceptance or non-acceptance doesn't make any more or less true.. I knew I was a woman at age 12 - it took me until I was 24 to accept it.
Speaking for myself, I too haven't had a great deal of dysphoria, at least not of the kind where I hate my male body. I actually like my male body, which also causes some internal conflict (dysphoria?). I've wanted to be female for a long time (like, a lot), but at the same time I don't want to give up my male body. It's a situation that, at times, causes me a great deal of angst.
As for knowing whether I'm trans or not, well, that's really a no-brainer; I can't really deny it. However, I don't accept it in the sense that I fight the urge to take things further. I just don't trust those urges. I know that it's a real desire, but I believe that it's an anomaly that I do not have to pursue.
How do other people know that they are trans if they are unsure? Well, a lot of personal histories in these forums are uncannily similar, so I do believe that there are comparative ways of knowing by reading classic case histories. Of course, you could argue that someone may not consider themselves trans if they share an identical history with a trans person. But how does this argument sit with people who say that being trans is a very real, biological brain state, or, as someone stated, "medical condition"?
Quote from: kelly_aus on December 28, 2013, 06:09:01 PM
Acceptance or non-acceptance doesn't make any more or less true.
Yes, but how do you know it's true to start with? The arguments so far all seems quite circular to me.
Jenna, certainly you can deny, or not accept, that you are trans gendered. I know I did that too. You may have some gender identity issues, sounds like it but again that is for you to decide. Having a gender identity issue doesn't make you trans gendered. I guess the point others are making is that the degree to which those gender identity issues cause you to seek expressing yourself as another gender, and the degree to which you feel ("accept") that it is a path you want and/or need to explore/take then that is the point one may be trans gendered. Or not. It really is a personal thing which is probably why is seems like such a circular discussion. :)
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 06:29:16 PM
Speaking for myself, I too haven't had a great deal of dysphoria, at least not of the kind where I hate my male body. I actually like my male body, which also causes some internal conflict (dysphoria?). I've wanted to be female for a long time (like, a lot), but at the same time I don't want to give up my male body. It's a situation that, at times, causes me a great deal of angst.
As for knowing whether I'm trans or not, well, that's really a no-brainer; I can't really deny it. However, I don't accept it in the sense that I fight the urge to take things further. I just don't trust those urges. I know that it's a real desire, but I believe that it's an anomaly that I do not have to pursue.
How do other people know that they are trans if they are unsure? Well, a lot of personal histories in these forums are uncannily similar, so I do believe that there are comparative ways of knowing by reading classic case histories. Of course, you could argue that someone may not consider themselves trans if they share an identical history with a trans person. But how does this argument sit with people who say that being trans is a very real, biological brain state, or, as someone stated, "medical condition"?
Any number of human conditions (medical, physical, psychological) have a gradation of severity.
Why can not dysphoria reflect the degree the "biological brain state" differs from the physical, genotypical state?
Over the past few decades, medical science has demonstrated the many "mental illnesses" have their root in neuro/bio-chemical imbalances or defects - a medical condition with psychological manifestations.
Speaking now strictly about the MAAB (46, XY) MtF or MtA TG/TS person, we all start off at conception and for the first few weeks essentially as undifferentiated from a 46, XX person,
in utero.
If the genetically programmed sexual differentiation does not take place at all, it often results in a 46, XY CAIS woman. Consider that on endpoint. If everything goes exactly as programmed by evolutionary genetics, you end up with a cismale. What about everyone in between? How many of us MAAB are not at those endpoints?
Quote from: Jamie D on December 28, 2013, 06:49:58 PM
Any number of human conditions (medical, physical, psychological) have a gradation of severity. Why can not dysphoria reflect the degree the "biological brain state" differs from the physical, genotypical state?... What about everyone in between? How many of us MAAB are not at those endpoints?
I don't disagree. I suspect, that it's probably more common for trans people to sit somewhere along the gender spectrum between the two extremes. But they're still trans, no?
QuoteOver the past few decades, medical science has demonstrated the many "mental illnesses" have their root in neuro/bio-chemical imbalances or defects - a medical condition with psychological manifestations
Am I suffering a mental illness, a psychological anomaly?
I think gender dysphoria is a manifestation of a developmental anomaly. For most it is a condition, not a mental illness.
If I had to take a guess about myself, I would say that my brain was only partially masculinized in utero. That left somewhere in the middle, between masculine and feminine.
Transgender is a very large umbrella term with transsexuals in the UV end of the spectrum. Not all of us need to fully transition socially with the medically option. (definitions vary)
I felt from an early age I should have been born a girl. I also learned and came to accept (resigned to) being a guy, making the best of it I could. I also learned where my true joy lies having achieved my lifelong dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.
Do I need to transition?; a question I often wrestle with. Unlike many others I know, I haven't hit that "Transition or die" wall. Only a slightly glancing blow one time. My dysphoria was never that severe. However, I always saw myself as a faker, undeserving of any of the rewards in life I worked to obtain. Being that faker also led to many of my lifes great disasters.
Would I like to transition? The answer to that question never wavered from Yes. (with the caveat of "in a perfect world....)
My life is far far better now that I stopped denying and came to full acceptance of this very large and very important aspect of my true self. How I feel, think, and see myself has changed immensely these past five years.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 28, 2013, 02:47:05 PM
The stuff they make up to sell newspapers.
I remember reading about Chales Kane in another tabloid and figuring that it's kind of whacky to be turned into a woman and then turned back into a man but that wasn't exactly made up. Because it really did happen.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 29, 2013, 11:41:49 AM
I remember reading about Chales Kane in another tabloid and figuring that it's kind of whacky to be turned into a woman and then turned back into a man but that wasn't exactly made up. Because it really did happen.
Why is that story whacky, because the tabloid said so? The boy in the toilets story has urban myth written all over it.
I don't have dysphoria. I'm transgender because I say I am. My decision to transition is simply pragmatic. I think it can make me happier, benefit > cost, so I did.
Gender Dysphoria? Yes, I had it. Bad. So bad I almost drove my truck off a bridge into the water on Thanksgiving. I didn't want to admit it to myself but GD was the cause of my severe depression.
I got myself in to see a GT the first week in December. The therapist knew right off what was going on with me. That's when I heard the term "Gender Dysphoria".
Approx. 50 years of denial about who I truly was. That sort of behavior can eat a person alive from the inside. So, here I am, age 59, and I start HRT on Jan 6th. ;)
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 29, 2013, 02:56:05 PM
Why is that story whacky, because the tabloid said so? The boy in the toilets story has urban myth written all over it.
Sorry Jenna, 'Whacky' was just one of my words. I just found it a little strange that a man would change himself into a woman and then change herself back to a man a bit odd. ???
Severe dysphoria in MTF transgender is also a function of gross Testosterone levels, IMHO. I had moderate to severe dysphoria as a teen... then, I got fat in college and learned to cope with it (too bad I didn't cope with transition :P the options were there, but more limited in the 90s). Fat reduces testosterone significantly. I was Obese (cat I, so just over the line into clinical obesity). Obesity has been shown to drop T by up to half. I personally don't think I'm a high-T person, either... though I will find out soon (bloodwork comes in any day now). I coped for 15-20 years until my coping mechanisms failed. Now I am transitioning.
If you're moderately transgender (by brain configuration) and increase your hormone imbalance (take more T, for a MTF), you will become more dysphoric. I've seen accounts (no actual studies, sorry) of a number of people who've tried to "fix" the problem that way and have had significantly worse reactions to their condition because of it.
The question you need to answer for yourself is if you're coping and will see that fail someday (IMO, you *will* see most coping mechanisms fail... I don't think coping through dysphoria usually lasts - though I am projecting on that point), or if you just don't have dysphoria. If the latter, you will need to decide if you can live as the "wrong" gender or if you want to consider transition anyway. (If you don't see your birth assigned gender as the "wrong" gender, you're probably on the trans* spectrum, but not transsexual).
Those aren't easy questions. A gender specializing therapist is a requirement to work through these issues quickly (for most people and in most cases), but you must make sure you find a good one! I worked through my issues on my own, but again... that took 15-20 years (I am 35). (Now I see a therapist as someone nice to talk to about social and family problems during transition, but little more than that).
You know, I've often felt guilty that I'm not "transy" enough. Or that because I can actually enjoy myself on most days that I'm "doing it wrong" or something, seeing as I'm still in the early stages of transitioning (I think? Starting HRT in January). I mean, on most days before coming out, I didn't actively consider my gender. I was too busy playing videogames and watching anime & movies, so now that I have I feel like someone is shaking there head at me if I'm not consciously thinking about trans business all the time.
Although this thread makes me feel better...
I can relate to so many things in this post so thought I might weigh in on how I got to where I am.
I never really felt much gender dysphoria. As a child yes I used to wish I was a boy and hate that I was a girl. I used to pull on my privates several times a day thinking that I could make something grow if I did it enough. As I neared puberty and began to grow breasts I used to use one hand pulling on my privates while the other hand pressed on the breast tissue trying to get them to stop growing. I would only sleep on my stomach in hopes that would stunt the growth somehow. As time went on I began to accept I was a female even though I wished I wasnt. I spent most of my life as a tom boy, hating dresses and anything "girly" but to me that seemed like everything related to my sex was normal childhood and puberty. As the years went by I said that the difference between a transgender and me is that they felt they were a different sex, I only wished I was. I told myself that for many years and just dealt with the hand I was dealt.
That all changed after watching the movie Boys Don't Cry. I had repeated dreams (among other things) of being a male and the fear of people around me "catching me" for still having female body parts. I felt I could live with being a female but still in my 30s wished I wasnt so I started doing research. I read about different GIDs including bi-gender and I started to wonder if I was bi-gender or transgender which I was on the fence about for a long time. Then I looked at it from a different perspective, similar to what one person said in this thread is "what do I need to do for myself next". I didnt hate my female body, I just wished I was born differently. So after speaking with counselors it was determined HRT was a step I really did want to take. Was I transgendered or bi-gender? Nobody knew including me but once I stopped putting a label on it and looking any person with GID may go through and seeing them as all individual steps and not all many steps necessarily leading up to the same end goal, things got much easier to handle.
I'm an recovering addict and alcoholic as well so this compares to the mentality of "one day at a time". I dont need to make the comittment to be sober for my entire life, just for today. So if I think of this as "one step at a time", I dont need to make the comittment for SRS before I take the first step of speaking with a counselor. I just need to see what the individual steps are available and decide if I want to proceed with any of them and if so, take just that one step first and figure out if there will be another one later.
Quote from: KabitTarah on December 30, 2013, 11:02:22 AM
If you're moderately transgender (by brain configuration) and increase your hormone imbalance (take more T, for a MTF), you will become more dysphoric. I've seen accounts (no actual studies, sorry) of a number of people who've tried to "fix" the problem that way and have had significantly worse reactions to their condition because of it.
I tried to lose weight and get into strength training. Wound up more dysphoric than ever before
Quote from: Gina Taylor on December 30, 2013, 09:29:00 AM
Sorry Jenna, 'Whacky' was just one of my words. I just found it a little strange that a man would change himself into a woman and then change herself back to a man a bit odd. ???
Yes, I know that's what you meant.
Quote from: Ms Grace on December 28, 2013, 06:48:04 PM
Jenna, certainly you can deny, or not accept, that you are trans gendered. I know I did that too. You may have some gender identity issues, sounds like it but again that is for you to decide. Having a gender identity issue doesn't make you trans gendered. I guess the point others are making is that the degree to which those gender identity issues cause you to seek expressing yourself as another gender, and the degree to which you feel ("accept") that it is a path you want and/or need to explore/take then that is the point one may be trans gendered. Or not. It really is a personal thing which is probably why is seems like such a circular discussion. :)
I'm not so sure about that, as statistics seem to show that there's not much choice involved (and that's even before considering supposed biological causes). For example, I've had several formal transgender diagnoses, I acknowledge and accept those diagnoses, but I have chosen not to pursue that path. So while I
accept the psychiatrists' diagnoses as sound, I don't
accept the finality of those diagnoses and have decided not to transition. However, I also recognise that according to a majority of studies and case histories, I'm fighting a losing battle and will either gradually transition (to some degree) or, if I resist transition, suffer any number of adverse mental health conditions. At the very least I will lead an unhappy life as a male.
Regarding your point about "gender issues" not necessarily being symptoms of GID, could you please illustrate your point with an example, one that is pertinent to someone who's had a drive to be female since the age of 7.
Quote from: overdrive on December 30, 2013, 12:45:30 PM
I can relate to so many things in this post so thought I might weigh in on how I got to where I am.
I never really felt much gender dysphoria. As a child yes I used to wish I was a boy and hate that I was a girl. I used to pull on my privates several times a day thinking that I could make something grow if I did it enough. As I neared puberty and began to grow breasts I used to use one hand pulling on my privates while the other hand pressed on the breast tissue trying to get them to stop growing. I would only sleep on my stomach in hopes that would stunt the growth somehow. As time went on I began to accept I was a female even though I wished I wasnt. I spent most of my life as a tom boy, hating dresses and anything "girly" but to me that seemed like everything related to my sex was normal childhood and puberty. As the years went by I said that the difference between a transgender and me is that they felt they were a different sex, I only wished I was. I told myself that for many years and just dealt with the hand I was dealt.
That all changed after watching the movie Boys Don't Cry. I had repeated dreams (among other things) of being a male and the fear of people around me "catching me" for still having female body parts. I felt I could live with being a female but still in my 30s wished I wasnt so I started doing research. I read about different GIDs including bi-gender and I started to wonder if I was bi-gender or transgender which I was on the fence about for a long time. Then I looked at it from a different perspective, similar to what one person said in this thread is "what do I need to do for myself next". I didnt hate my female body, I just wished I was born differently. So after speaking with counselors it was determined HRT was a step I really did want to take. Was I transgendered or bi-gender? Nobody knew including me but once I stopped putting a label on it and looking any person with GID may go through and seeing them as all individual steps and not all many steps necessarily leading up to the same end goal, things got much easier to handle.
I'm an recovering addict and alcoholic as well so this compares to the mentality of "one day at a time". I dont need to make the comittment to be sober for my entire life, just for today. So if I think of this as "one step at a time", I dont need to make the comittment for SRS before I take the first step of speaking with a counselor. I just need to see what the individual steps are available and decide if I want to proceed with any of them and if so, take just that one step first and figure out if there will be another one later.
I can relate to so much of what you wrote here, except wishing I was a girl, not a guy. I don't completely hate my male bits, sometimes I dislike them a moderate amount, but that being said, I still wish I had a female body. I'm hoping that after I move at end of January and get settled into my new city, I can try to find a gender therapist to try to get some guidance with figuring myself out a bit more and see where that path leads me.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on December 30, 2013, 02:33:17 PM
I'm not so sure about that, as statistics seem to show that there's not much choice involved (and that's even before considering supposed biological causes). For example, I've had several formal transgender diagnoses, I acknowledge and accept those diagnoses, but I have chosen not to pursue that path. So while I accept the psychiatrists' diagnoses as sound, I don't accept the finality of those diagnoses and have decided not to transition. However, I also recognise that according to a majority of studies and case histories, I'm fighting a losing battle and will either gradually transition (to some degree) or, if I resist transition, suffer any number of adverse mental health conditions. At the very least I will lead an unhappy life as a male.
I can certainly attest to your conclusion of "leading an unhappy life". Pretty much how I sum up the last few decades. Even though an outsider can easily point to all the great things I accomplished, it all meant nothing. I did not follow the accepted treatment route (today's standard. The 1970's was a far different world). I relied on my 3D's, Distractions, Diversions, and Denial, to get by.
I'm not 100% sure how much dysphoria I have at present, but for as long as I can remember, I've known that something was off inside and outside of me. Something that SophiePeters said was very similar to me. I have a poor sense of hygiene, partly because of a complete lack of sense of smell but also because I just can't be bothered to maintain this body as it is. I also dislike my appearance. I can't stand my own reflection so I avoid it at all costs. Whenever I look at my reflection, the face looking back at me doesn't look right for some reason. I like being around people for the most part, but I often feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I'm currently considered to be obese, so like others have said, testosterone levels might be lower, but then again, I've felt this way for as long as I can remember and I know I haven't always been overweight or obese, so that can't really be the answer to my problems. I'm also experiencing depression, partly because I've been out of work for so long, but I don't always feel that being out of work is enough to make me have suicidal feelings from time to time. I know something is wrong inside me and it's more than just me being slightly obese and unemployed. Besides, my way of thinking is that there is much more to life than working in a job. At this time, I'd rather do more charity work than continue looking for paid work. For one thing, it would be far less stressful.
I use to feel the exact same way as a matter of fact I made a post very similar to this one a few months back. for me I think about several things in order to ....validte my belief that im transgender.
1. If I woke up one day and I was completely female (ovaries and all :)) would I be happy? The answer is ABSOLUTLY. That sounds pretty trans right there
2. Let say you take the proper steps toward understanding your feelings, if you come to the conclusion that you arn't trans no harm no foul at least you know (pre hrt).
3. Go as far as you need in order feel comfortable, if that mean a dress and prancing around your room okay. If that means presenting part time thats fine too.