Hello ladies and gents, im looking for a little information and comming out to my kids. time for a little history.
I am 31, divorced, with 2 kids to her. Jake 10, Noah 3. now i can out to myself and a silect few indeviduals in june, and began my jurney to starting HRT and have been on for as you can see a little over a month :). The EX was told early dec, and so far has taken the news rather well. we decided to wait to inform the children for after the holidays.
Now is there a right or wrong way to tell the kids? I know i cant use the big words, and i have to talk at there level, and i also know to be as honest as i can. However from all your colective experiences are there and no-no's that im missing?
Thank you all in advance for your responces,
I can't offer any tips, but I can give you support. My son was 15 and my daughter 16 when I told them so they were pretty much adults as far as emotions and understanding. My daughter cut ties with me and the boy just wants to go far out of state for college and get away from it, but not me specifically. At 3 and 10, I really feel for you. All I can say is you know them and how they handle things. Just put it to them at their level of understanding. The 3 year old should be resilient enough, but I am not so sure about the 10 year old. That is a really tricky time of life between a child and a teen. Just do your best baby. That's all you can do. Just reassure them you love them and that will never change. Say it a million times in the conversation. My ex tells everyone who will listen what a pervert I am and so forth. I let it roll off though. It will be tough so again, reassure the love you have for them.
Thank you Jessica for your insite. Im hoping i will be doing this before it gets to the point where they want to cut ties with me. but i will accept there decisions.
Do everything with KISS. KISS stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. Tell the general basics, that you are who you are and will always love them. Then answer any questions and work to alleviate their fears. They don't need nor necessarily want to know all the details, at least not yet.
I love KISS, though i tend to FUBAR it then it becomes a SNAFU. lmao. sorry had to, if you can fallow thous you will understand it.
on a serious note. that is good advice and i was hoping to do that. I do have a tendancey to over think and explain things that dont need them.
Completely understood that. I do the same at times and need the reminder.
Quote from: LordKAT on December 31, 2013, 10:01:35 PM
Completely understood that.
Of course! KATRONYMS! *giggle* :)
*giggles* never heard them as KATRONYMS but it works. SNAFU is by far my fave lol
A lot of how your kids are going to respond to you is going to how their mother is responding to your change in gender. If she accepts your changes, the kids will likely do so. If she does not, then, girl you are in for a bumpy ride.
well bleasedly so far their mother is taking it rather well. she has even joked that since i came out last im there 3rd mom. lmao. so if they do take her as there cue it should be fairly good.
To come out to my son, then six, my now ex wrote a little book for me to use. It basically explained that I am female on the inside, and male on the outside. That it caused me a lot of pain. But it was necessary to be able to have him. And now that I have him, I can finally make my outside match my inside. It worked quite well.
thats a cute idea i may have use that idea or somethink like it.
Kids take this a lot better than adults do. For the young one, you can say "Sometimes a man becomes a woman. She is still the same person inside."
For the older kid, more depth is possible:
"Some people are born with something called 'transgender'. That means that even though I was born as a man, my brain needs me to be a woman. I will start dressing and acting like a woman. I know it will make me feel a lot happier about my life."
You can assure both of them that you will continue loving them and being their parent in whatever way the need you to be.
My kids are a little old (teens) but they both continue to support me and remain close to me (as well as teenagers can...) throughout my transition to full-time living.
Despite all of hurdles, love is the most important. You do not need to express intentionally and overly. Kids know well whether you love them or not, and will appreciate and cherish it accordingly.
barbie~~
Act like its natural and ur comfortable. That's The most important thing x
well just an update. My eldest son found out easter sunday. unfortunatly i was not able to tell him or come out to him. he over heard his mother and her family talking about me. turns out hes fairly ok with it. and shes not happy about it :D well i would be happy if she didnt continualy try to make him not okay with it.......
Quote from: Sheala on April 23, 2014, 07:51:52 PM
well just an update. My eldest son found out easter sunday. unfortunatly i was not able to tell him or come out to him. he over heard his mother and her family talking about me. turns out hes fairly ok with it. and shes not happy about it :D well i would be happy if she didnt continualy try to make him not okay with it.......
I'm sorry that she is trying to turn him against you. My ex tried that too. I just kept being the best parent that I could, and my son and I are closer than ever. You can get past what she is trying.