i'm new here so forgive me if this was asked before.
i will be starting t next month and i was just wondering what peoples thoughts on dating while just starting t?
i heard going through that is a "selfish time" and since i haven't gone through it, i can't exactly comment on it. i know people start t and stay in their relationship or start a new one. i just really haven't heard much from those experiences though whether it's good, bad or what it does to relationships (of course every one is different). i don't know if it's best to be selfish and focus on "me" because there is a lot of emotional changes (from what i've heard) or if i should just let whatever happens, happen in regards to a relationship. of course it's my own choice but i just want to know others opinions and thoughts who have gone through it or are thinking of going through it or anything else they could be thinking. i wanna know if people think it should be a selfish time, if you should bring a partner into it all and just start dating, stay with the person you're with or how it would effect a relationship (From personal experience of course), that kind of stuff.
any help would be appreciate, thanks.
I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T, The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens :P, But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.
Goodluck man :)
Quote from: Brandon on January 03, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T, The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens :P, But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.
Goodluck man :)
i appreciate your input. as for dating pre-t, i've done it quite a bit considering i am in my 20s but as of me starting t, i'm currently single (although for the last few years i've been in an off and on relationship) which is why i wanted to know if it was best to just..deal with me or let whatever happens with her, happen. she's focusing on school which is why it is currently off. maybe it is best for me to focus on me now with the current situation but if it did happen to start up again, i just wanted to know how t would kind of effect the relationship, if it would. that's why i just want to know if it would be best to just continue to stay single or if i should just go about my business like i have been and let w/e happen, happen.
If i could go back and change things, i'd have been single when i started medically transitioning, which is exactly why 22 months on T im single, and intend on staying that way til well after surgery. Id focus on you, it might not get crazy straight away, but there will come a time where you sort of click and everything, without anything changes. I cant really pin point whats different about me, but everything is, and yet it isnt.
Quote from: invisiblemonsters on January 03, 2014, 09:55:14 PM
i appreciate your input. as for dating pre-t, i've done it quite a bit considering i am in my 20s but as of me starting t, i'm currently single (although for the last few years i've been in an off and on relationship) which is why i wanted to know if it was best to just..deal with me or let whatever happens with her, happen. she's focusing on school which is why it is currently off. maybe it is best for me to focus on me now with the current situation but if it did happen to start up again, i just wanted to know how t would kind of effect the relationship, if it would. that's why i just want to know if it would be best to just continue to stay single or if i should just go about my business like i have been and let w/e happen, happen.
Really it's what you wanna do, I can't really tell you what's best for you because only you know, But what I do think is that you should keep yourself open to dating, I understand alittle of were your coming from
Keep your options open. Not everyone has any major changes in mood or feelings. The aggression thing is a myth, BTW. If you do find someone willing to be with you through out your transition, great. If you don't, maybe it just isn't time yet. I don't think I would worry about looking for someone necessarily, but that is me.
I was dating when I first started T and I gotta say that it did not affect my mood swings much at all. Obviously everyone is different so no way can I say it will be the same for you. My gf at the time was very understanding and stood by me from the start, however I DID make sure that she was aware of any side-effects so she could understand if I did lash out uncontrollably. Good luck with starting on T mate :)
I did find the first little while on T a bit challenging, and I could see it driving a partner crazy, but it really wasn't because of T. It was because for the first 10 months I had barely any changes, and then was struggling to pass and fit in as male for a while. It made me emotional, anxious, and I had a lot of feelings I had to talk about lol.
I do still believe a relationship is possible despite some stresses you may face in the first little while of HRT. It depends - if you're an emotionally healthy and stable person, and you handle stress well, I don't see any reason why you couldn't be with someone while going through the first stages.
my gf of 3 years broke up with me right before starting T, and we moved out from living with each other. It went from daily contact for 4+ years to almost nothing, so starting T was an odd time for me in general. My one outlet for actually speaking about my emotions was gone. (I don't do therapy well... I got out of there way before starting T as I had already had top surgery)
That being said... In other ways I was perfectly emotionally stable, and think that this time would have been a better time to date than the preceding 3 years in which I was, quite honestly, a bit of a wreck.
I waited until I was pretty much done with transition before dating (or rather, trying to date) someone. I think there is too much going on earlier, so many changes, and I didn't want someone to see me as F first and always think of me that way. I wanted to date someone who has only ever known me as male.
Dating is hard enough without the stresses of transition (IMO); transition is hard enough without the pressures of dating. I've known a lot of guys who postponed transition because of their significant others not being on board. For some, the relationships persisted despite transition, but for the most part they fizzled.
Just some advice from an old fart. I always recommend waiting to date until you have the time and emotional resources to give to someone else. Transition is a selfish time, for sure.
Jay
I think about this from time to time. Though I haven't began my transition, it was my intention to go through this alone and just focus on myself. That didn't work out as planned and now I'm dating someone I love. Now I have to shift my thinking from transitioning alone to transitioning with a partner, which is harder than I thought, but in reality, having someone that loves and supports you in your transiton is truly a blessing. I would gladly give up some of my selfishness to share this journey with someone, but that's just me. I will say that making the choice to go through this stage of your transition alone is commendable, and I do feel that it's better for some people to go through it alone. You just have to figure out if that is the best thing for you to do right now.
Quote from: Malachite on January 05, 2014, 08:41:44 PM
I think about this from time to time. Though I haven't began my transition, it was my intention to go through this alone and just focus on myself. That didn't work out as planned and now I'm dating someone I love. Now I have to shift my thinking from transitioning alone to transitioning with a partner, which is harder than I thought, but in reality, having someone that loves and supports you in your transiton is truly a blessing. I would gladly give up some of my selfishness to share this journey with someone, but that's just me. I will say that making the choice to go through this stage of your transition alone is commendable, and I do feel that it's better for some people to go through it alone. You just have to figure out if that is the best thing for you to do right now.
Pretty much said everything I had to say!
I assumed I would be going through transition as a single parent, I happened to meet somebody and fell in love and I can't imagine my transition going as well as it has without him there to support me. I had no idea how I was going to handle dating - I'm fortunate in that I don't have to worry about it now. We only had one coffee shop date before he pretty much moved in and it was like we'd known each other forever.
So I personally wouldn't focus on dating, but if something happens to spark up then don't be afraid to explore it. I remember saying to my friend when she was like "oooh you've got a date" - I was all "it's not a date, my life is complicated enough" - it'll be our fourth anniversary this year :P so much for not dating.
Quote from: Jeatyn on January 06, 2014, 04:13:55 AM
Pretty much said everything I had to say!
I assumed I would be going through transition as a single parent, I happened to meet somebody and fell in love and I can't imagine my transition going as well as it has without him there to support me. I had no idea how I was going to handle dating - I'm fortunate in that I don't have to worry about it now. We only had one coffee shop date before he pretty much moved in and it was like we'd known each other forever.
So I personally wouldn't focus on dating, but if something happens to spark up then don't be afraid to explore it. I remember saying to my friend when she was like "oooh you've got a date" - I was all "it's not a date, my life is complicated enough" - it'll be our fourth anniversary this year :P so much for not dating.
Golden words in the bold! I agree. In the context of relationships, I say just go with the flow and let whatever happens happen naturally. Don't try to force anything.
Btw congrats on your fourth anniversary, Jeatyn!
thank you all for your input. i think i won't knock out dating if it comes around unless during my transition i feel that it's best at that time that i am single instead of with someone. i know she loves me and is very supportive of me and my decisions and would be there for me no matter the out come so i don't think i should knock out dating, especially with someone so supportive like you guys have mentioned having. it's just nice to hear that couples have gone through it together and came out the other end stronger. that definitely gives me hope for dating.
One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive. When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.
Quote from: overdrive on January 06, 2014, 03:17:23 PM
One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive. When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.
i didn't think of that either. well, it won't be a "new" relationship, her and i have been on and off for a few years now. however, it is long distance so idk how well that will go over with the sex drive thing. i'm not looking for something "new" or to date some other person really, i just wanted to see how t would effect my current situation. however if i do date someone else, i will definitely keep this in mind.
Quote from: overdrive on January 06, 2014, 03:17:23 PM
One thing to keep in mind and this may be good or bad for a new relationship... on T almost every guy Ive known gets incredibly horny. My sex drive is through the roof and while this is something you can sometimes take care of yourself, if you know what I mean, it can be a bit of an issue as well. I never really had any of the stereotypical "side affects" other than the sex drive. When I was pre-T I used to laugh at the amount of times a day cis men think about sex, don't remember the number but its staggering. After a few weeks on T, I totally understood and sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything else.
I think about sex like crazy know, I hope mine slows down while on T because I am way to visual and its very irratating at times, My sex drive is already over the roof
Quote from: Brandon on January 03, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
I'm pre everything but ill try my best to help you considering Ive thought about dating before T and on T, The thing is, Is that T affects us guys differently, Some guys don't notice that many emotional changes then you have others who do, I dob't think you should be selfish and just focus on you, I think you should let what ever happens hapen, Ive looked at plenty of guys on YouTube who are dating Pre T, And they are perfectly fine, I don't think its to much different from when a teen boy hits puberty, Know from my POV, I'm gonna need a woman their to satisfy my needs because well you go through a horny phase, Me personally, I don't wanna be alone when that happens :P, But again thats just me lol, Just relax and I'm pretty sure you will be fine, But you will become more aggressive, And it might be harder to cry so Ive heard, I'd just say consider whomevers feelings.
Goodluck man :)
I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.
Quote from: chuck on January 07, 2014, 12:06:37 PM
I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.
Some guys do get more aggresive
Quote from: chuck on January 07, 2014, 12:06:37 PM
I think its really important that people know this is a common myth. Testosterone will not necessarily make someone more aggressive. I suggest you do some reading, Brandon.
You are correct, Chuck. Education is important to combat myths and misinformation.
Testosterone and aggressiveness (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15795710)
Medical Science Monitor, April 2005
Abstract
Aggressiveness is an ancestral behavior common to all animal species. Its neurophysiological mechanisms are similar in all vertebrates. Males are generally more aggressive than females. In this review, aggressive behavior in rodents, monkeys, and man and the role of testosterone and brain serotonin levels have been considered. Interspecific aggressiveness in rats has been studied considering the mouse-killing behavior; the neonatal androgenization of females increases adult mouse-killing as does the administration of testosterone in adults. Intraspecific aggressiveness was studied by putting two or more male rats (or mice) in the same cage; the condition of subjection or dominance is influenced by testosterone. In monkeys, testosterone is related to aggressiveness and dominance and, during the mating season, increases in testosterone levels and aggressive attitude are observed. In men, higher testosterone levels were obtained in perpetrators of violent crimes, in men from the army with antisocial behaviors, in subjects with impulsive behaviors, alcoholics and suicidals, in athletes using steroids, and during competitions...If you have ever observed a case of "'roid rage," then you would know what testosterone can do. With that said, people have the ability to control themselves, so hormonal levels should never be blamed for anti-social behavior.
Quote from: Jamie D on January 07, 2014, 02:31:51 PM
You are correct, Chuck. Education is important to combat myths and misinformation.
Testosterone and aggressiveness (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15795710)
Medical Science Monitor, April 2005
Abstract
Aggressiveness is an ancestral behavior common to all animal species. Its neurophysiological mechanisms are similar in all vertebrates. Males are generally more aggressive than females. In this review, aggressive behavior in rodents, monkeys, and man and the role of testosterone and brain serotonin levels have been considered. Interspecific aggressiveness in rats has been studied considering the mouse-killing behavior; the neonatal androgenization of females increases adult mouse-killing as does the administration of testosterone in adults. Intraspecific aggressiveness was studied by putting two or more male rats (or mice) in the same cage; the condition of subjection or dominance is influenced by testosterone. In monkeys, testosterone is related to aggressiveness and dominance and, during the mating season, increases in testosterone levels and aggressive attitude are observed. In men, higher testosterone levels were obtained in perpetrators of violent crimes, in men from the army with antisocial behaviors, in subjects with impulsive behaviors, alcoholics and suicidals, in athletes using steroids, and during competitions...
If you have ever observed a case of "'roid rage," then you would know what testosterone can do. With that said, people have the ability to control themselves, so hormonal levels should never be blamed for anti-social behavior.
So called "roid rage" is most often due to excess levels of testosterone, not merely normal male levels. I'm not trying to debunk the study you've posted, but it's referring to how high levels of testosterone are more common in violent and antisocial behaved men, not simply men who have the normal levels of testosterone. There are many studies which have been carried out to try and discover why some people become mass murderers or extremely violent, I remember one biology lesson on chromosomal disorders where one was linked to a high percentage of people involved in violent crime. There is some correlation between testosterone and violence, but this seems a little like scaremongering...
I can't speak from personal experience, but there have been
a lot of anecdotes from guys here who feel calmer after getting testosterone, a lot of them say that they feel more balanced and in-kilter with the world, it's not a scientific study, but the amount of anecdotes I've seen over the years here must speak for something.
I understand what you are saying, and your observations are correct about excess levels.
But the psychological effects of T are not like turning on or off a light switch. It is gradational. Adolescent natal males often have "rages" during puberty - I can personally attest to that. With regard to some FtMs, the sense of being "right" can be very calming, I have no doubt. Good point.
And if you look at methods in animal husbandry, one way to "calm" a stallion or bull is to castrate them.
None of this is black and white, but we can not discount the relationship between testosterone and aggressiveness - it is not a "myth." As I said before though, people should be able to control themselves.
No fights or rage outs since starting T. Plenty before that however. It is not definite that T causes aggression. My Endo even said that rumor is way off base. I would hope she knows what she is talking about.
Testosterone Does Not Induce Aggression, Study Shows
Dec. 9, 2009
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091208132241.htm
Quote from: Jamie D on January 07, 2014, 05:23:29 PM
Adolescent natal males often have "rages" during puberty - I can personally attest to that.
I don't have any studies to share but I can personally attest to females having the same, if not worse, "rages" during puberty.
I am far mellower on T than I was before T. And another guy I know was described as angry and aggressive pre-T and is now as mellow as me. Nearly 6 years on T for both of us.
Jay
Quote from: invisiblemonsters on January 03, 2014, 09:06:18 PM
i'm new here so forgive me if this was asked before.
i will be starting t next month and i was just wondering what peoples thoughts on dating while just starting t?
If you feel you need to find yourself or work on yourself, then take that time to focus on just yourself making yourself a better you or figuring out what it is you want and feel. I dated pre t, barely on t, and so on. It didn't stop me, it did hold me back but I still dated no matter what, and as stealth as I could be.
I get more quick to anger, but I am also quicker to get over it. I think what is clearly a myth is "roid rage" or rather not really a myth, but it is not really from normal male doses of T, but from the kind of steroid injections that some cismales take where they get T along with steroids and other unknown substances. Blind rage, no, but you may or may not have more anger/aggression. However, I think some of us get more calm, so not sure to what extent this is due to social expectations over T.
One thing is that cross hormones actually push you into puberty, so that some of the reactions are not T, per se, but having hormones that are changing your body and mind in many ways and people's reaction to puberty differs. I've had a rather calm puberty (fortunately) but I know people with more turbulent puberties. It's kind of an individual thing.
--Jay
when starting T I was single but I don't think it would mess up a relationship unless your sig other was not a sexual person as I was very horny. I didn't realize it at first then I noticed I was jerking off more and more often. In the relationship I have now starting T would be a good thing, as my girlfriend likes me horny. I was calmer after starting T as it gave me a sense of peace. I didn't get roid rage, thats bs people saying that being on T gives you roid rage.
My opinion my be mute since I am on a long term relationship, but I'll take a stab.
I was pretty emotional and aggressive before T. A lot of it was my anger at myself. My partner is apparently a god as far as patience goes. I was very moody before T, and I was quick to anger. I was never violent but I was harsh and short tempered. A lot of it was my own discomfort.
Post T I am pretty even. I am still an awful morning person (I love sleep) but my overal attitude according to the husband is much better.
The thing is, I knew I had a good thing starting. My husband had been a champ and now we have a great relationship. But, it's different if you are pre-t and pre-relationship.
You won't get overly aggressive or violent after testosterone. If you do, maybe it's things outside of your GID. YMMV but I don't buy that T makes you crazy, no matter how many people may say so. If so, natal guys would all be rage machines.
I didn't even mean it like that but ok, I know of guys who have gotten on T and yes have said they got more agressive its on YouTube nothing to get mad over, Everyone is different, Testostrone is a strong hormone, I believe their is some truth to it, But not how others make it sound.
Quote from: Brandon on January 18, 2014, 12:32:23 PM
I didn't even mean it like that but ok, I know of guys who have gotten on T and yes have said they got more agressive its on YouTube nothing to get mad over, Everyone is different, Testostrone is a strong hormone, I believe their is some truth to it, But not how others make it sound.
It's a hormonal change, so it is hard to figure out whether it is T or the fact that you are going thru a huge change. I say this because the head of the trans center here is always talking about going on T as going thru puberty and how he had this really difficult puberty and was very difficult to be around. He had a young kid and a partner, so I'm sure that was worse than living by yourself, like I do. I did go thru a period of time where I got angrier faster, still think this is the case. But I learned to accommodate for that fairly quickly, but I was kind of aware that my reactions were different.
I agree re: being powerful stuff. Ask the gals here as they have to take an anti-T drug, where we don't have to take an anti-E drug, T is enough.
--Jay