"You're too girly."
"You're too feminine."
"You're too pretty."
"You're dainty."
"You're too short."
"You talk too girly."
"You act too girly."
"You're too whimpy."
"Your hair is too nice." (because guys can't have nice hair)
"You're too clean." (because all guys are filthy)
"You're too sensitive." (because guys don't have feelings)
"You complain too much." (because guys never have b**** fits)
"You don't drink beer." (because all guys are alcoholics)
"You don't like sports." (because all guys are obsessed with football)
"You like too many cute things." (because there's no such things as Bronys. note that I'm not a brony, just pointing it out)
"You're too weird to be a guy." (:/ guys aren't weird?)
"If you were a guy, you'd be so gay." (and that's bad why...?)
"The only way you can be a guy is if you have to have a penis, a real penis, and you will never have one."
"If you want to be a guy, you have to have sex with women, and you can't because you will never have a penis."
"You're just hormonal."
"You're just a confused lesbian."
"You're just crazy."
"You just hate yourself so much you want to be someone else."
"Everyone's gonna hate you if you do this."
"You'll always be alone."
"You would make a hideous man."
"Nobody's gonna want a short fat guy with a tiny penis."
"Wouldn't you be a short, fat, ugly woman than a short, fat, ugly man?" (k, I ain't even fat or ugly...)
"Better not plan on leaving the house, or someones gonna beat you up."
"You don't know what you want, but I do."
"You don't know what you are, but I do."
"You don't know who you are, but I do."
"Let me tell you who and what you should to be, because I know so much better than you."
"Being a man is so much harder than being a woman, you don't have what it takes." (even though my brother is more of a wimp than I am)
"You don't have to become a boy to be yourself."
*facepalm*
Sorry... just some of the crap I've been getting over the past few days from certain family members who have suddenly decided it would be a good idea to point out every single little thing about me that is not manly enough to be a guy.
I know it's nonsense, I am who I am, and they can have their opinion, I can't make them see through their ignorance. But man... it makes my dysphoria go through the roof, pointing every little thing out like that. They seem to think its rather funny too.
I don't think I'm going to be discussing it with them anymore. They make me feel like a walking joke.
Anyway... I just needed to vent.
I'm going to go smash my head into a wall now...
People say these things because they have a problem. They don't understand you being trans and that's how they try to cope. It's easier to pretend something doesn't exist than to actually try to wrap your head around it.
That obviously doesn't mean the things they say can't hurt you, but I find it easier to not internalize these "opinions" if I try and see them as attempts to not cope. These family members will get better with time, hopefully.
Quote from: Proton on January 09, 2014, 08:48:57 PM
People say these things because they have a problem. They don't understand you being trans and that's how they try to cope. It's easier to pretend something doesn't exist than to actually try to wrap your head around it.
That obviously doesn't mean the things they say can't hurt you, but I find it easier to not internalize these "opinions" if I try and see them as attempts to not cope. These family members will get better with time, hopefully.
This is true. I only came out to them about... three months ago, I think it was. They seemed supportive enough at first... but I don't think they really took me seriously. Now that they have realized it's not some phase that's going to just fade away with time, maybe their strategy is to make me feel so bad about it I'll be too ashamed to continue. At least that's what it feels like.
I am not really the type to get angry, but they have really been pushing my buttons lately, and purposefully too. They start bringing up things that shouldn't even be an issue, saying things that make no sense. I try to explain things to them calmly, but I am getting really exhausted, because they don't seem to hear a single word I say. In the end, I told them all I ask is, if they can't understand it than at least try to be supportive and respectful of my decisions, and be more mindful of the things they say. Their response was "Life is tough for everybody, why should you get special treatment?"
After the discussion today, they pretty much told me "If you don't want us to give you crap about it, don't bring it up." I live with these two, and it's not like I bring it up all the time, but I don't make an effort to hide it either. I want to be able to be myself while in my own home, but they kinda made me feel like I'm supposed to hide all this trans stuff as to not make them uncomfortable. I know acceptance takes time, but I'm not about to retreat back into the closet because they can't handle it. So I guess I'm just gonna have to tough it out and hope they come around. And they can just tough it out too. I am done pretending to be a girl.
I think the thing that bugs me the most though, is when I try to seriously explain to them that for a lot of people its a life or death thing, and I have come close to the edge at times, they scoff and tell me, "Don't be so dramatic." This is even more screwed up because my brother has lots of emotional issues, he has talked to me about his feelings of suicide when hes had them, and I have always been there for him to talk and help him out of it. But apparently, he doesn't remember that, so he can't afford me the same support in return.
I think though, maybe its my fault for expecting so much out of them. My mother and brother are the two most depressing and apathetic people on the face of the planet. And they are selfish. They are so wrapped up in their own problems (problems of their own making, I might add) that they don't seem to think they should have to care about anyone else.
But anyway... right now, I'm just trying to figure out a way to get my dysphoria to calm down. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. I know its just words, but yeah, it stings. I try not to let it get to me, but it's made me feel self-conscious of and hyper-aware of everything about me that's not considered masculine. Kinda makes me wanna go hide under a rock and never come out. :P
WOW! Gruh.... sorry.... now I'm rambling..... *rolls around*
As long as you know who you are that's all that matters, People are going to talk either way but its up to you to not let it get to you. Unfortunately I'm alot more fortunate in that area, I have a very masculine personality so all my friends see meas one of the guys, So I've really never had thoes things said to me, Know I have been talked about out of lack understanding but, It wasn't that bad, You just have to ignore it...... Know family is alittle different, My moms side doesn't accept me for religious reasons, After awhile I quit talking to my mom and sister.
The whole confused lesbian thing is something that my family definitely think.
The problem is that I never realised I actually liked girls until I accepted I was a man. I mistook jealousy and admiration for fancying guys! I mean, how many girls fancy a guy and want to have the same haircut, or the same clothes, or whatever? I wanted to be like them as men. My fantasizing as a child was legit just being friends with the guys I looked up to. To think I fancied them now is just ridiculous now I realise but back then I was completely ignorant. When I accepted I was a guy, I realised that I didn't want to be in romantic relationships with guys at all. That idea actually repulsed me. But girls, well...hello! The only problem I personally had, I just couldn't face being with a woman pre-T and pre top surgery. I could have dated if they 100% accepted me as a guy, but intimately, I couldn't face that. This is just how I feel, not how I expect others should or do, but to me, I had to have at least those distinct differences before I could ever even consider a relationship.
It was actually highly insulting when I came out to my family and my parents then said they always suspected I was a lesbian. I absolutely never gave that particular vibe. The entire time I spent in their house (I was young when I left home) I was 100% in the belief that I was a straight girl who was stuck in tomboy phase. I didn't even realise females could be transgender. Again, completely ignorant and largely pre-internet (at least in my home and you didn't search that stuff at a catholic school with monitored computer accounts!) I didn't so much feel personally insulted. I couldn't care less if people call me gay, like you said, what's wrong with that? What's insulting about it? I just felt it insulted trans individuals as well as lesbians. The absolute only reason they suspected I was gay was purely based on appearing to act more like a boy. Is that how they view all lesbians? Is that the defining feature of a lesbian? Their female child never shows interest in girls, in fact seems to show quite the opposite, found high school an insanely difficult experience and yet it was an all girls high school with many open lesbians despite it being a catholic school (it wasn't too strict), and they think I'm a lesbian? If I was a lesbian, wouldn't I be getting in on that action at school? I felt it insulting and I was, quite frankly, repulsed by that statement. It embarrassed me to think my parents could be that ignorant. If anything it made me lose a lot of respect for them.
I said nothing of it at the time but if I do ever talk to them again, I'm going to delve deeper into that question to see if they can start to stitch it together themselves. Ask them exactly what made them think lesbian and see if they themselves start filling in the holes in that theory themselves. Perhaps, in time, you can find a way to get your family to think the same way and guide them on the self realisation path. Find something they say that you find highly contradictory, and see if you can guide them, using that idea, to realise for themselves how crazy a notion it is and how the far more likely reason for then suspecting all they do is easier explained by you being transgender than any of their nonsense ideals.
Quote from: Jack_M on January 09, 2014, 11:52:33 PM
The whole confused lesbian thing is something that my family definitely think.
The problem is that I never realised I actually liked girls until I accepted I was a man. I mistook jealousy and admiration for fancying guys! I mean, how many girls fancy a guy and want to have the same haircut, or the same clothes, or whatever? I wanted to be like them as men. My fantasizing as a child was legit just being friends with the guys I looked up to. To think I fancied them now is just ridiculous now I realise but back then I was completely ignorant. When I accepted I was a guy, I realised that I didn't want to be in romantic relationships with guys at all. That idea actually repulsed me. But girls, well...hello! The only problem I personally had, I just couldn't face being with a woman pre-T and pre top surgery. I could have dated if they 100% accepted me as a guy, but intimately, I couldn't face that. This is just how I feel, not how I expect others should or do, but to me, I had to have at least those distinct differences before I could ever even consider a relationship.
It was actually highly insulting when I came out to my family and my parents then said they always suspected I was a lesbian. I absolutely never gave that particular vibe. The entire time I spent in their house (I was young when I left home) I was 100% in the belief that I was a straight girl who was stuck in tomboy phase. I didn't even realise females could be transgender. Again, completely ignorant and largely pre-internet (at least in my home and you didn't search that stuff at a catholic school with monitored computer accounts!) I didn't so much feel personally insulted. I couldn't care less if people call me gay, like you said, what's wrong with that? What's insulting about it? I just felt it insulted trans individuals as well as lesbians. The absolute only reason they suspected I was gay was purely based on appearing to act more like a boy. Is that how they view all lesbians? Is that the defining feature of a lesbian? Their female child never shows interest in girls, in fact seems to show quite the opposite, found high school an insanely difficult experience and yet it was an all girls high school with many open lesbians despite it being a catholic school (it wasn't too strict), and they think I'm a lesbian? If I was a lesbian, wouldn't I be getting in on that action at school? I felt it insulting and I was, quite frankly, repulsed by that statement. It embarrassed me to think my parents could be that ignorant. If anything it made me lose a lot of respect for them.
I said nothing of it at the time but if I do ever talk to them again, I'm going to delve deeper into that question to see if they can start to stitch it together themselves. Ask them exactly what made them think lesbian and see if they themselves start filling in the holes in that theory themselves. Perhaps, in time, you can find a way to get your family to think the same way and guide them on the self realisation path. Find something they say that you find highly contradictory, and see if you can guide them, using that idea, to realise for themselves how crazy a notion it is and how the far more likely reason for then suspecting all they do is easier explained by you being transgender than any of their nonsense ideals.
Haha... I relate to the first paragraph so much. That's one thing that probably surprised me the most after realizing I was transgender. My sexual orientation has taken a shift. I have heard of people flip flopping after starting hormones, but I didn't realize it could be an entirely mental thing too. Before, I always considered myself strictly attracted to guys, albeit... very girly ones. XD Now I am realizing I am just as attracted to women as men, if not more so. I think the main reason I wanted to be with men was simply because they had a penis... and since I didn't have one of my own, well, I guess having a boyfriend was the next best thing. But of course, the down side to that is that I was expected to have penetrative intercourse with him... *shudders*
The lesbian thing doesn't bother me that much. If they want to call me that, then fine. What really gets to me is their constant insistence that me being a man is impossible, and my desire to be one is absurd. What makes it worse is my family really seem to have no desire to try make sense of things they don't understand. It seems like I've tried to explain things over and over again and its been a wasted effort. They also have this ridiculous notion that they know me better than I know myself, and make excuses for why I feel this way. Like I just have no idea what I'm talking about, but apparently, THEY do. They were trying to convince me today that they knew more about being transgender than I did! Wat! "I've studied this stuff." My brother told me. "So I know it's just hormonal." Yeah... okay! I said, "You know, I've studied this too, obviously! What, you think I haven't?" To which my mom replied, "Nope, you haven't." Okaaayyy...? So I say, "If you've actually studied it, you'd know it's a medical condition and there's a physical difference in the structure of the brain..." To which I get, "Yeah, but in your case you're just confused." Gahhhhhhhh....
Unfortunately, I don't think they really want to understand. Even if they can't totally get it, it would be nice if they would just be supportive or at least not so negative and hurtful about it. I guess this is how it often goes though... But I have to say... I didn't expect this at all from them. I knew they'd be kind of thrown by it, but I always thought of my family as being pretty open-minded and accepting. In fact, my mom has often made it a point to talk about equality and acceptance wanting to raise her kids as open-minded as possible. But when it comes down to acting the part, turns out shes not the saint she paints herself to be.
Quote from: Brandon on January 09, 2014, 10:15:47 PM
As long as you know who you are that's all that matters, People are going to talk either way but its up to you to not let it get to you. Unfortunately I'm alot more fortunate in that area, I have a very masculine personality so all my friends see meas one of the guys, So I've really never had thoes things said to me, Know I have been talked about out of lack understanding but, It wasn't that bad, You just have to ignore it...... Know family is alittle different, My moms side doesn't accept me for religious reasons, After awhile I quit talking to my mom and sister.
Thanks, man. Strange thing about it though, is I have never been considered a feminine person by anyone... ever, as far as I know. In fact, my brother used to make fun of me for being "too manly". My mom used to give me crap for not being feminine enough and trying to give me pointers on how to be more of a "proper lady". But now, after coming out as trans, all of a sudden it's like I am the most feminine person in the world.
Now, I know I am not the most masculine person in the world either. I know I have SOME feminine traits, but so? Hell, I know naturally born males who have more girly traits than I do! So I know a lot of what they're saying is not true. Maybe it's just like Proton said. They are trying to rationalize it in their head any way that they can to make it untrue, because they can't deal with it. And calling me a lesbian or telling me I'm stupid or crazy I guess is easier than accepting me as transgender.
I don't know how to deal with them at this point. I'm gonna do my best not to let it get to me and just avoid talking to them about it from now on, but I don't even wanna see them or talk to them at all right now after today. I wish I didn't live with them. I kinda wish I would have never told them. My mom seems to think I'm "shoving it down their throats" because I talk about it sometimes. When I got upset about what they were saying today, she told me I was too sensitive to be a man and then asked me if I was on my period. Not sure if she was actually asking or if it was some kind of underhanded jab, but it kinda pissed me off.
I think one thing with (accepting) families is an initial acceptance, then denial then acceptance again.
Remember YOU are used to and comfortable with being YOU. They have no clue what it means.
They think; 'this is a fad, my child my sibling will get over it', we know it isn't a fad, it takes a mind shift for them.
Most accepting families know and understand homosexuality, but transgender? Way off the planet!
Families take time to come to acceptance. You had it right, they thought it was some kind of phase (denial), anger comes next, thats what your getting now, finally, eventually comes acceptance. It takes time though and the amount of time is not within your control.
It would be worth while to begin considering alternative living arrangements. Often this is the only practical solution. Better to start thinking about it now than waiting until things become unbearable.
I've heard a lot of the same things, some from people I barely even knew who had heard about me. I one time had a woman I only knew for about an hour come up to me because someone told her I was trans, and she's like "I just need you to know that you don't have to do this. You're such a beautiful girl, it would be so sad, just please, don't do this to yourself, there are other ways, someone as lovely as you could never be a man." I was too shocked to really respond.
Brandon is absolutely right though. As long as you know who you are, that's all that matters.
Wow this is all so me 6 years ago. Apart from the sexuality thing - I did the opposite - I like guys - always have. But I "felt gay" if that makes sense xD so I tried very very hard to be a lesbian and to be attracted to girls because I knew "straight" just wasn't me. Turns out, I'm a gay man, phew, solved that mystery :P
My oldest sister was very much like this at the beginning, if it's any consolation though she eventually came around and is super supportive and respectful now - even though I can sense she still doesn't fully understand.
She tried to explain to me once that it was like "her sister" was slowly dying. I've seen others on this forum say that some of their relatives have said the same thing. To us it's more like we're finally living for the first time - yet to them it's the other way around, at least at first. I think the emotions can be very similar to those experienced with grieving. All the same stages are there - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance
Quote from: Kaiden Liam on January 09, 2014, 10:14:38 PM"Life is tough for everybody, why should you get special treatment?"
This bugs me. Yes, life's tough, that's why family is supposed to support each other, not contribute to the problem. Hopefully they will get there eventually.
Dunno if this will help, or make sense, but I think of it like this. People form concepts in their heads of each other, and that concept, or "their version" of you, is what they base their expectations of
you on (sucks, doesn't it). When someone has their hopes really hung on their concept of another person, and what they
think that person's life will be like, and it turns out to be very different from reality, instead of immediately revising their mental construct of "you"/"your future" they may cling harder to their version. Which is a long-winded way of saying, yep, they're in denial.
And it sounds like they're scared. Transphobic violence is unfortunately still a thing that happens, but "you'll get beat up if you leave the house", stated like a 100% certainty, is unrealistic. But they haven't realized that yet and their motivation might be, if they can just convince you that their version of you is reality ("we know you better than you do"), you'll go on to have whatever future they initially envisioned, rather than "life of getting beat up for being trans". Not saying that excuses their behavior, because it doesn't. But it might help to keep in mind, while you wait for them to chill, that maybe they're acting like this because they're panicking. People do stupid stuff when they panic.
I lived my life as a straight female, and while a tomboy, still looked very feminine (long curly hair, earrings, touch of makeup). I loved men and still do. I was a person nobody would ever have guessed was trans. But from very young ages I felt like a boy, wished I was a boy, prayed to wake up and have a penis, stuffed my pants, used the boy's room when no one was looking, etc and we're talking under 10 years old. After puberty I thought I'd better try to be a girl even though I didn't feel like one. I was a great actor and pulled it off, but was miserable.
You are a boy. Just because your exterior shell currently gives off a feminine vibe, that all will change as you transition. Now people who know my status that I met after transition can't even picture me as anything other than male. And the transpeople I know I can't even imagine them as anyone other than who they are now.
And there is no law against being a feminine guy. You might get some ribbing from other guys and family, but be yourself.
Jay
Quote from: Kaiden Liam on January 09, 2014, 10:14:38 PM
This is true. I only came out to them about... three months ago, I think it was. They seemed supportive enough at first... but I don't think they really took me seriously. Now that they have realized it's not some phase that's going to just fade away with time, maybe their strategy is to make me feel so bad about it I'll be too ashamed to continue. At least that's what it feels like.
I am not really the type to get angry, but they have really been pushing my buttons lately, and purposefully too. They start bringing up things that shouldn't even be an issue, saying things that make no sense. I try to explain things to them calmly, but I am getting really exhausted, because they don't seem to hear a single word I say. In the end, I told them all I ask is, if they can't understand it than at least try to be supportive and respectful of my decisions, and be more mindful of the things they say. Their response was "Life is tough for everybody, why should you get special treatment?"
After the discussion today, they pretty much told me "If you don't want us to give you crap about it, don't bring it up." I live with these two, and it's not like I bring it up all the time, but I don't make an effort to hide it either. I want to be able to be myself while in my own home, but they kinda made me feel like I'm supposed to hide all this trans stuff as to not make them uncomfortable. I know acceptance takes time, but I'm not about to retreat back into the closet because they can't handle it. So I guess I'm just gonna have to tough it out and hope they come around. And they can just tough it out too. I am done pretending to be a girl.
I think the thing that bugs me the most though, is when I try to seriously explain to them that for a lot of people its a life or death thing, and I have come close to the edge at times, they scoff and tell me, "Don't be so dramatic." This is even more screwed up because my brother has lots of emotional issues, he has talked to me about his feelings of suicide when hes had them, and I have always been there for him to talk and help him out of it. But apparently, he doesn't remember that, so he can't afford me the same support in return.
I think though, maybe its my fault for expecting so much out of them. My mother and brother are the two most depressing and apathetic people on the face of the planet. And they are selfish. They are so wrapped up in their own problems (problems of their own making, I might add) that they don't seem to think they should have to care about anyone else.
But anyway... right now, I'm just trying to figure out a way to get my dysphoria to calm down. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. I know its just words, but yeah, it stings. I try not to let it get to me, but it's made me feel self-conscious of and hyper-aware of everything about me that's not considered masculine. Kinda makes me wanna go hide under a rock and never come out. :P
WOW! Gruh.... sorry.... now I'm rambling..... *rolls around*
sorry you have to go through this, I haven't talked to my siblings in 20 years because of other issues . It does suck when there's no support.
Quote from: Cindy on January 10, 2014, 05:08:07 AM
I think one thing with (accepting) families is an initial acceptance, then denial then acceptance again.
Remember YOU are used to and comfortable with being YOU. They have no clue what it means.
They think; 'this is a fad, my child my sibling will get over it', we know it isn't a fad, it takes a mind shift for them.
Most accepting families know and understand homosexuality, but transgender? Way off the planet!
In fact it isn't uncommon for parents to go thru a grieving process and mourn the loss of their little girl (even if you are 40 and were not ever a little girl in your own mind). They didn't have any clue (in many cases, even if they did). I know this is tough for you, because you have your own stuff to deal with, but they have to transition too.
--Jay
You just have to realize that you should be proud of everything you are and all the aspects of your personality. Dont let anyone's opinions get you down
Quote from: amber1964 on January 10, 2014, 05:41:57 AM
It would be worth while to begin considering alternative living arrangements. Often this is the only practical solution. Better to start thinking about it now than waiting until things become unbearable.
That's what I'm thinking. And if you have to be around them and they are just constantly throwing all these negative remarks at you, it may be time to get some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones just to show them that you don't have to put up with this emotional onslaught just because you live there. Sure, they may think it's rude, but what they are doing is beyond rude.
Mostly its about your mental well being. Its very common to have doubts about yourself, to question what you want to do and wonder if what you are doing is the right thing for you. These are big questions and important ones, it says your on hormones so the changes they make are permanent. It is at this exact time, you need peace and solitude to decide what is right for you. You cant do that if people are constantly talking you down. Its too much for anyone. It would have been too much for me, Im sure of that. Meanwhile those hormones are powerful stuff and its like a roller coaster.
So find that for yourself. If you dont, things are going to be much harder for you and the emotional damage can become permanent. Like PTSD, I have seen this happen.
These types of comments come from people who only have a black and white head when it comes to gender. These people believe very strongly in either male or female and that's that. When they're presented with someone who says they are male (but clearly in a female body – or vice versa), it's like it just doesn't compute for them. I think cis people are hardwired to just be what they are and spend their whole lives never questioning, completely going along with what society has approved for their gender. For me, getting cozy with this fact and the fact that I can not change what these people think has been invaluable. I have to do my own thing. It's definitely not what everyone else is doing. It definitely doesn't fall into the binary gender world of approval.
It's very frustrating, however, when people close to you (friends or family) say things like this. Or continue to refer to you as your assigned gender, rather than your actual gender. I deal with a partner like that and sometimes it does get the better of me. When someone has known you as one thing for a huge chunk of your life and theirs, it's got to be difficult for them to make a transition along with you. Especially when it comes to parents (who typically have strong emotional attachments to their offspring and are always thinking they're "doing the right thing" for them). I often wonder if, in some cases, the cis brain just will never accept that a brain can be one gender and the body can be another?
Plenty of accepting cis people. Just, some things you have to experience to understand them. Like us.
Quote from: amber1964 on January 11, 2014, 10:08:17 PM
Plenty of accepting cis people. Just, some things you have to experience to understand them. Like us.
She's right my friends are all biologically male or female but they don't question, Some of them have taken a sociology class at my school which talks about trans people and they have learned alot about me.
The one I really hate hearing is, "Well, I did _______ too and I'm not transgender."
This one really burns my ass. It's so invalidating and it always kinda comes off as an attempt at a "gotcha" point. I always counter by saying, "we can ride the exact same roller coaster in the exact same car at the exact same time, and both have VASTLY different experiences. You could have the time of your life waving your arms in the air while screaming for more, meanwhile I could be holding on for dear life hoping that my stomach is kind enough to oblige in not discarding all of it's contents while I scream in high-pitched terror. According to you, we should have both had the same experience since we did the same thing, so why didn't we?" That one usually leaves them thinking for a while.
"Thanks for trying to invalidate me. You act as if I haven't spent considerable time thinking this through." - is a pretty effective response.
On a side note- if you think about it, cisgendered boys get showered with comments like those you describe at the start of this thread too- only switch 'trans' for 'not a real man'. Male society is so hung up on validating masculinity... like it was some prize that only a few chosen ones may possess. I guess the best result as a boy (trans or cis) is a thick skin. Hope we can change this view.
Thanks everyone for all the support. :) I'm sorry to hear so many of you have had to cut off contact with some of your family. :P
Thankfully though, I don't think it will come down to that with my mom and brother. I think what triggered this onslaught was a couple things. First, I cut my hair pretty short. I've never cut my hair so short before, and my moms got a big thing about hair. She was REALLY adamant that I don't cut my hair... but of course I did. XD Then I got the binder I ordered in the mail shortly afterwards, and was wearing it around the house. So, I've definitely been looking a bit different. Oh man, my mom's face when she saw me with the binder on. Definitely not very approving. XD
But anyway, things have calmed down. I've just been kind of keeping to myself these past couple days. I think my mom felt bad though, because today I was down in the kitchen and she was telling me that she decided my hair looked really "cute". Then she said something to the effect of, "You look like a very mature young woman." Then she kind of corrected herself with, "I mean, young man! I'm sorry!" And she sounded sincere, so that was kind of nice. I haven't asked anyone to refer to me with male pronouns yet, except for my sister, who is the most accepting. But, I think it means shes trying. So, I think it'll be alright. I still think I'm going to avoid talking to them about it though. I don't want to risk causing any more tension or starting another argument. My brother was kind of joking about it again today, but I just ignored it. I think if I just let it go for now and don't "shove it down their throats" as my mom coined it, they'll come around in their own time.
Quote from: Jeatyn on January 10, 2014, 08:53:50 AM
Wow this is all so me 6 years ago. Apart from the sexuality thing - I did the opposite - I like guys - always have. But I "felt gay" if that makes sense xD so I tried very very hard to be a lesbian and to be attracted to girls because I knew "straight" just wasn't me. Turns out, I'm a gay man, phew, solved that mystery :P
Haha, its funny how these things manifest themselves, isn't it? XD I'm still attracted to guys as well though, I guess you could just say my horizons have broadened. I say I'm bi now, but really it comes down to personality for me. Gender doesn't really matter. Though to be honest, I've always kind of had that "gay" feeling too, although I could never really figure out why. I've just always identified more with gay people than straight people for some reason, even though I always used to consider myself a straight female before I realized I was trans, so that was kind of confusing, feeling like I should be gay yet not feeling attracted to other women. XD My cousin and I used to joke that we were gay men trapped in the bodies of women, but in my case I guess it turned out to be kind of true. XD
I think one of the reasons too though, is before I came out to myself, I kind of had this weirdly, almost misogynistic view of women. I didn't really want to be around them. Everything they did annoyed me for some reason. I don't feel that way anymore. I think the reason simply was because when I looked at other women, I saw what I was supposed to be, or felt like I was expected to be, and I didn't like that at all. Now that I know I'm a man, and I'm NOT supposed to be that way, I can appreciate women for who they are rather than being angry with them for being what I don't want to be, knowing I don't have to feel like I have to try to be one of them anymore.
Quote from: Gene on January 11, 2014, 11:53:43 PM
The one I really hate hearing is, "Well, I did _______ too and I'm not transgender."
I got a lot of this right off the bat when I first came out to my mom. That was really annoying. Her favorite one was, "We're Texan! (because shes from from Texas, even though we live in Seattle XD) All Texan woman are kind of manly! Doesn't mean we want to be men!" and "I like this and this and this too, doesn't mean I want to be a man!"
Thanks again everyone for the support and the suggestions. :) I
do know who I am now, and after a lifetime of trying to figure it out, I'm certainly not about to let someone else tell me otherwise! Although it can be kind of confusing sometimes, because I do still have doubts at times. I have these weird moments where I'm... alright with being a woman, I guess, and wonder if transitioning is right for me, but then of course I have those crippling, devastating, dysphoric moments where I can't stand it and wish like nothing else that I could just be a guy.
Quote from: amber1964 on January 11, 2014, 10:08:17 PM
Plenty of accepting cis people. Just, some things you have to experience to understand them. Like us.
I think what I was getting at was even people who are accepting, still don't really understand it.
My friends understand enough. They cannot walk a mile in my shoes- but they do agree those shoes fit me better and I wear them well.
Quote from: insideontheoutside on January 12, 2014, 02:09:27 PM
I think what I was getting at was even people who are accepting, still don't really understand it.
That's not always true as someone already pointed that out
Quote from: Emmaline on January 12, 2014, 05:47:44 PM
My friends understand enough. They cannot walk a mile in my shoes- but they do agree those shoes fit me better and I wear them well.
I agree with this. My best friend is awesome, she has listened to me go on (and on, I'm afraid). She may not know EXACTLY what is going on and all, but what do you expect. I don't expect mind reading. I like what you said here. :)
--Jay
"You just hate yourself so much you want to be someone else."
I actually asked this from my therapist if it can be a cause of me being trans ::) I feel stupid now. She immediately replied loudly NO.
"You don't know what you want, but I do."
"You don't know what you are, but I do."
"You don't know who you are, but I do."
And this was my family at the beginning so much. Luckily they understand me now.
Quote from: Gene on January 11, 2014, 11:53:43 PM
The one I really hate hearing is, "Well, I did _______ too and I'm not transgender."
This one really burns my ass. It's so invalidating and it always kinda comes off as an attempt at a "gotcha" point. I always counter by saying, "we can ride the exact same roller coaster in the exact same car at the exact same time, and both have VASTLY different experiences. You could have the time of your life waving your arms in the air while screaming for more, meanwhile I could be holding on for dear life hoping that my stomach is kind enough to oblige in not discarding all of it's contents while I scream in high-pitched terror. According to you, we should have both had the same experience since we did the same thing, so why didn't we?" That one usually leaves them thinking for a while.
This is an awesome point. Wish I knew how to +rep a post (or maybe I can't do that until I have more posts).
100% gender stereotype-conforming is an unrealistic expectation, cis or trans. Comments like "I did/do/like ____ too and I'm not trans" seem defensive sometimes. Maybe for some cis people, calling the false genitals/gender equivalency into question makes them feel like their gender identity is suddenly in question too. "Wait, what do you mean a [penis/vagina] doesn't by default make me a [man/woman]? How am I supposed to know what I am, then? Must reassert familiar social norms!"
Quote from: Kaiden Liam on January 12, 2014, 06:09:25 AM
Haha, its funny how these things manifest themselves, isn't it? XD I'm still attracted to guys as well though, I guess you could just say my horizons have broadened. I say I'm bi now, but really it comes down to personality for me. Gender doesn't really matter. Though to be honest, I've always kind of had that "gay" feeling too, although I could never really figure out why. I've just always identified more with gay people than straight people for some reason, even though I always used to consider myself a straight female before I realized I was trans, so that was kind of confusing, feeling like I should be gay yet not feeling attracted to other women. XD My cousin and I used to joke that we were gay men trapped in the bodies of women, but in my case I guess it turned out to be kind of true. XD
I think one of the reasons too though, is before I came out to myself, I kind of had this weirdly, almost misogynistic view of women. I didn't really want to be around them. Everything they did annoyed me for some reason. I don't feel that way anymore. I think the reason simply was because when I looked at other women, I saw what I was supposed to be, or felt like I was expected to be, and I didn't like that at all. Now that I know I'm a man, and I'm NOT supposed to be that way, I can appreciate women for who they are rather than being angry with them for being what I don't want to be, knowing I don't have to feel like I have to try to be one of them anymore.
I was very close with one of my cousins all the way from toddler-hood and we bonded over the fact we both wanted to be boys :D funny thing is she was and still is much more masculine than I am, yet I'm the one transitioning and she seems quite happy with her gender now, she came out as a lesbian years before I came out as trans and I think everyone was expecting me to do the same thing :P
I felt the same way about women, I feel much more comfortable hanging out with guys still but women are much nicer to be around now that they don't assume I'm one of them, or try to give me tips on how to be more womanly :P that used to happen a lot
"You're a female, whether you like it or not"
Well yeah I can't change my chromosomes, but I can change the way thet people perceive me.
"Aren't you offended when someone mistakes you for a boy?"
That's called passing, and I want to pass for a guy.
"If you were a guy you would be a wimp"
Not all guys have to be dominant/aggressive.
"Stop wearing that binder. You're hiding the fact that you're a woman."
Acually I'm showing that I'm a guy (mentally) by dressing like one.
"You'll never have a boyfriend if you dress that way"
I never plan on having a boyfriend anyway.
Quote from: Jared on January 13, 2014, 03:22:00 AM
"You just hate yourself so much you want to be someone else."
I actually asked this from my therapist if it can be a cause of me being trans ::) I feel stupid now. She immediately replied loudly NO.
And this was my family at the beginning so much. Luckily they understand me now.
Haha, I am glad to hear this. XD One of the first things I thought when I started to consider that I was trans was that I don't really want to be a man, I just want to be something else, because, I donno, sometimes I wish I could be a cat or something, but I don't get dysphoria over the fact that I don't have fur. XD
Quote from: blink on January 13, 2014, 11:31:41 AM
100% gender stereotype-conforming is an unrealistic expectation, cis or trans. Comments like "I did/do/like ____ too and I'm not trans" seem defensive sometimes. Maybe for some cis people, calling the false genitals/gender equivalency into question makes them feel like their gender identity is suddenly in question too. "Wait, what do you mean a [penis/vagina] doesn't by default make me a [man/woman]? How am I supposed to know what I am, then? Must reassert familiar social norms!"
This is an interesting point. I've never thought of it like that before. But it makes sense, I suppose.
That's what gets me the most about it, I think. The idea that I have to fit into some kind of stereotype to be considered a man. Not only am I incapable of being a man, according to them, but for reasons that are completely unrealistic.
My mom came out and told me a little while after I came out, when I could tell it was really starting to bug her, that her fear was that I was going to become a big, fat, smelly, bald guy who sits on the couch all day watching football and drinking beer. I couldn't help but laugh. It was so ridiculous. I don't drink, I have never shown any interest in sports, and just because I decide to be a man doesn't man I'm just going to stop taking care of myself. I am trying to get her to understand that I'm not going to become a different person, just a slightly different version of myself. A better, happier, and more authentic versions of myself. But I can understand that's probably going to take her some time to realize.
I watched a documentary about Chaz Bono a while back, called Becoming Chaz, which followed him during part of his transition. It showed when he went to get his gender legally changed and when he came out of the building, the press were there of course, and they were asking him questions like, "What kind of strip club are you going to go to now that you're a man?" "What kind of beer are you going to drink?" and stuff like that. There was a guy there with him, his lawyer I think, who is also FtM, and he commented to the camera, "We really need to re-evaluate how we view men in this country." And he is so right.
Quote from: Jeatyn on January 13, 2014, 06:02:27 PM
I felt the same way about women, I feel much more comfortable hanging out with guys still but women are much nicer to be around now that they don't assume I'm one of them, or try to give me tips on how to be more womanly :P that used to happen a lot
I am glad I'm not the only one who's felt this way. I've always felt kind of bad about it, because it was never a conscious thing, and I would often wonder why I felt this way. Because despite feeling uncomfortable around them, women have always been a lot nicer to me than men. Usually if someone was commenting that I wasn't feminine enough, it was a guy, and not in a very nice way. I've always thought of women as the fairer sex, and because of that wondered why I didn't want to be one, as there's a lot of things I like about women more then men. For example, a lot of cis-guys are sexist jerks (or at least a lot of the one's I've met). But then I realize I'm generalizing, just like my family is doing, and just because some guys are like that doesn't mean I have to be that way or am going to turn into that. If I had a CHOICE, I probably would choose to be a woman (I mean, I've already got the equipment for it, after all XD), but of course, I don't have a choice. I'm a man, that's just how my brain is wired. I know that now, and I'm a lot happier with that realization than I ever was trying to be a girl.
Quote from: 4736251 on January 14, 2014, 06:17:06 PM
"You're a female, whether you like it or not"
Well yeah I can't change my chromosomes, but I can change the way thet people perceive me.
"Aren't you offended when someone mistakes you for a boy?"
That's called passing, and I want to pass for a guy.
"If you were a guy you would be a wimp"
Not all guys have to be dominant/aggressive.
"Stop wearing that binder. You're hiding the fact that you're a woman."
Acually I'm showing that I'm a guy (mentally) by dressing like one.
"You'll never have a boyfriend if you dress that way"
I never plan on having a boyfriend anyway.
My mom was really horrified when when learned I was binding. She started telling me I was "mutilating" myself and was going to give myself breast cancer. @_@ lol She also said that I was going to make my boobs flat and saggy and "No man is gonna want a girl with flat saggy boobs." She really likes that "No one is ever gonna want you for this or that reason." line. She uses it a lot. Of course, the next time I'm in a relationship with someone, It's going to have to be someone who sees me as a man, not a woman. But she acts like its impossible to find someone who accepts me for what I am. Thankfully, I know that's not true. lol
On a side note, I would like to apologize that my posts keep ending up SO FRAKING LONG! @____@
Quote from: Kaiden Liam on January 15, 2014, 02:55:53 AM
Haha, I am glad to hear this. XD One of the first things I thought when I started to consider that I was trans was that I don't really want to be a man, I just want to be something else, because, I donno, sometimes I wish I could be a cat or something, but I don't get dysphoria over the fact that I don't have fur. XD
LOL. that made me laugh really hard :D
Quote from: Kaiden Liam on January 15, 2014, 02:55:53 AM
She really likes that "No one is ever gonna want you for this or that reason." line. She uses it a lot.
That line is messed up, and it goes beyond being not true (plenty of trans people in happy relationships). It also implies that it's better to be in an arguably unhealthy relationship that hinges on one partner pretending to be someone they're not, than to be single. There are happy single people too, a person doesn't necessarily have to be in a relationship to enjoy life.
Quote from: Jared on January 13, 2014, 03:22:00 AM
"You just hate yourself so much you want to be someone else."
Actually got this one today, from a therapist (not mine, thank god) Only posed as a question. "Do you hate yourself so much you want to erase who you were? Is that it?" Somehow it's more insulting. I also got told I look like Audrey Hepburn ??? Bizarre thing to say to somebody out of the blue, but clearly this person needed to point out how "dainty and feminine" my features are ::)
A lot of it just comes from people not knowing how to deal with somebody they knew as one gender telling them they're actually the other. Their assumption was wrong, so they'll grasp at straws to try and rationalize their previous viewpoint. People get all bent out of shape about their entire idea of gender being much more simple than what it actually is. I do try to be understanding to a degree, you don't know what you don't know, until somebody tells you after all. They don't know about all the nuances that go into gender identity and socialization.
For people I'm really close to, it's a different story, but with professionals it tends to come from genuinely not having a clue. Because it's less personal they tend to get the idea a little quicker. In my experience at least
If you challenge the gender norms of a society, people tend to...well, not be very nice. They have to reinforce this notion that there are two camps: male and female and no matter what you say, they get defensive. Having a vag means you are female, a penis means you are male.
A lot of the flack that I got when I came out to my old church friends was of the "You can't be a guy because God didn't create you that way. As long as you have a vagina and female organs, you are a woman. Get right with God and deal with it!"
And so I left the church. There were other reasons for my leaving too though. A big one was that I couldn't get right with God and there is no way that you can just "deal with it!" without taking some major steps in your life. I spent 5 years being incredibly depressed, damn near suicidal and a lot of it stems from the fact that whatever I am, they (my old church and my old friends) could not accept me as such. I am _______, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend and that's all I am allowed to be.
On another note, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who is in the church. I always got lesbian and trans vibes from her and I used to tease her sometimes. She had been very sheltered as a child, homeschooled, raised in conservative Christianity and made a deal with God that she wouldn't date or give away her V-card until he sent "the one" into her life. She met a great guy when she a freshman in college and married him at 21. They seem happy enough.
One day, we were talking and she happened to mention how she used to wish that God had made her a guy. Then she just "accepted that I am a girl" and had this nice little life. She rejects traditional feminine roles, is very butch, knows a ton about cars and guns, plays video games, well, you get the picture. Sometimes I think that she is just pretending to appease everyone. That makes me sad for her...then I know that I do the same thing, only I haven't "accepted that I am a girl".
I suppose the whole "you'll never be a boy" argument hinges on whether or not the individual can accept their given female gender or not. Some of us can't and that's why we struggle. Most will transition at the point where they feel as if they are about to break. Others won't and will face dire consequences. :(
You have to do what is right for you, when it is the right time to do it.
QuoteI watched a documentary about Chaz Bono a while back, called Becoming Chaz, which followed him during part of his transition. It showed when he went to get his gender legally changed and when he came out of the building, the press were there of course, and they were asking him questions like, "What kind of strip club are you going to go to now that you're a man?" "What kind of beer are you going to drink?" and stuff like that. There was a guy there with him, his lawyer I think, who is also FtM, and he commented to the camera, "We really need to re-evaluate how we view men in this country." And he is so right.
I watched this documentary as well. Where I'm from, stereotypes are still going strong. Yuppie rednecks = worst of both worlds. I like the idea of changing how we view men, but I am a realist. Certain segments of men aren't going to change as long as the Bible and Gawd! hold fast in their lives. Here in the Midwest (at least in the area I call home), QUILTBAG persons and culture are still pretty taboo. American flags and the stars and bars vastly outnumber rainbows. Beer, bikes, ball, and broads, as my father put it one time, that there's mens things.
???
Quote from: Darkflame on January 15, 2014, 01:40:15 PM
Actually got this one today, from a therapist (not mine, thank god) Only posed as a question. "Do you hate yourself so much you want to erase who you were? Is that it?" Somehow it's more insulting. I also got told I look like Audrey Hepburn ??? Bizarre thing to say to somebody out of the blue, but clearly this person needed to point out how "dainty and feminine" my features are ::)
A lot of it just comes from people not knowing how to deal with somebody they knew as one gender telling them they're actually the other. Their assumption was wrong, so they'll grasp at straws to try and rationalize their previous viewpoint. People get all bent out of shape about their entire idea of gender being much more simple than what it actually is. I do try to be understanding to a degree, you don't know what you don't know, until somebody tells you after all. They don't know about all the nuances that go into gender identity and socialization.
For people I'm really close to, it's a different story, but with professionals it tends to come from genuinely not having a clue. Because it's less personal they tend to get the idea a little quicker. In my experience at least
I'm thankful my therapist was so competent in this topic cause I really questioned myself at that time and she helped me to understand myself better.
I also had one person who always told me how good looking girl I am when I was out to her but not medically transitioning. I lived almost full time so it didn't feel good at all. I think it was on purpose, she wanted me to think I'll never be a "normal guy" whatever that means.
The one that I heard the most when I tried to come out as male the first time (or as not being completely straight, for that matter) was "You're just doing this for the f***ing attention. Shut up and just be normal." This was from family because I never told anyone else. This time around (though I am still not positive that I identify strictly as male because I have a few days here and there where I very much enjoy the femininity of my body) if I decided to try coming out as male again I know I am going to hear "you have a daughter. How can you be male if you conceived and gave birth to a child. Think about how it's going to affect her. You'll f*** her up." Just because I built a human being in my uterus (which I wish I didn't have most my days) doesn't mean that I am a woman. It just means that I am a parent. Whether I make the decision to transition or not I will always be her parent; I am both her mommy and her daddy already, so what difference does my gender make? As for screwing her up, no matter what she is being raised with as little gender bias as possible. She doesn't have to be female anymore that I do, and I am going to try my best to make sure that she knows, understands and accepts all people for exactly who they are.
Quote from: zombieinc on January 16, 2014, 08:36:50 AM
If you challenge the gender norms of a society, people tend to...well, not be very nice. They have to reinforce this notion that there are two camps: male and female and no matter what you say, they get defensive. Having a vag means you are female, a penis means you are male.
A lot of the flack that I got when I came out to my old church friends was of the "You can't be a guy because God didn't create you that way. As long as you have a vagina and female organs, you are a woman. Get right with God and deal with it!"
And so I left the church. There were other reasons for my leaving too though. A big one was that I couldn't get right with God and there is no way that you can just "deal with it!" without taking some major steps in your life. I spent 5 years being incredibly depressed, damn near suicidal and a lot of it stems from the fact that whatever I am, they (my old church and my old friends) could not accept me as such. I am _______, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend and that's all I am allowed to be.
On another note, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who is in the church. I always got lesbian and trans vibes from her and I used to tease her sometimes. She had been very sheltered as a child, homeschooled, raised in conservative Christianity and made a deal with God that she wouldn't date or give away her V-card until he sent "the one" into her life. She met a great guy when she a freshman in college and married him at 21. They seem happy enough.
One day, we were talking and she happened to mention how she used to wish that God had made her a guy. Then she just "accepted that I am a girl" and had this nice little life. She rejects traditional feminine roles, is very butch, knows a ton about cars and guns, plays video games, well, you get the picture. Sometimes I think that she is just pretending to appease everyone. That makes me sad for her...then I know that I do the same thing, only I haven't "accepted that I am a girl".
I suppose the whole "you'll never be a boy" argument hinges on whether or not the individual can accept their given female gender or not. Some of us can't and that's why we struggle. Most will transition at the point where they feel as if they are about to break. Others won't and will face dire consequences. :(
You have to do what is right for you, when it is the right time to do it.
I watched this documentary as well. Where I'm from, stereotypes are still going strong. Yuppie rednecks = worst of both worlds. I like the idea of changing how we view men, but I am a realist. Certain segments of men aren't going to change as long as the Bible and Gawd! hold fast in their lives. Here in the Midwest (at least in the area I call home), QUILTBAG persons and culture are still pretty taboo. American flags and the stars and bars vastly outnumber rainbows. Beer, bikes, ball, and broads, as my father put it one time, that there's mens things.
???
No offence but as a trans male I do believe there are two genders there is not third or fourth, But your biological sex doesn't make you who you are, You have to understand that, Gender queer, Bigender as well is others can sometimes be hard to understand, And to me it is not trying to be rude but you can't accept everyone to accept you or even support you.....
QuoteNo offence but as a trans male I do believe there are two genders there is not third or fourth, But your biological sex doesn't make you who you are, You have to understand that, Gender queer, Bigender as well is others can sometimes be hard to understand, And to me it is not trying to be rude but you can't accept everyone to accept you or even support you.....
I don't expect everyone to accept me. That is why I have quit speaking with so many people over the years. Some people cannot accept or will not accept, certain things about me. That's ok, live and let live.
I am not going to split hairs over the number of genders that there are. 2,3,10 doesn't matter to me. I know that genderqueer people exist and that there are plenty of people who are butch women, femme guys, etc and that gender is spectrum, not a concrete series of concepts.
Yes, it is nice to think that there your biological gender does not define you. Except for when it does. I don't know you personally. Maybe you are younger than I am? I am almost 30. I have health issues that have prevented me from transitioning and I do not think it wise for me to present as male in public at this point in my life. I am hoping to get to a place within the next few years when I can transition.
You did not come across as rude or disrespectful. Just opinionated and thoughtful. 8)
Quote from: Brandon on January 16, 2014, 11:13:10 AM
No offence but as a trans male I do believe there are two genders there is not third or fourth, But your biological sex doesn't make you who you are, You have to understand that, Gender queer, Bigender as well is others can sometimes be hard to understand, And to me it is not trying to be rude but you can't accept everyone to accept you or even support you.....
Just because you don't understand people who don't fit into the gender binary it doesn't mean they don't exist. Ignorance is the exact same reason that a lot of people are hateful towards trans, gay, different race, or in anyway different to themselfs and what they consider to be the norm. What you believe or don't believe doesn't give you the right to disregard someone's identity.
No, not everyone is going to accept you, but you can hope that if you're a decent human being to them then they'll do the same back. If that doesn't work then you've got to try to educate them, and if that doesn't work cut them out of your life because it isn't worth torturing yourself over someone who is happily living in their own ignorant and bitter bliss.
Quote from: lxndr on January 17, 2014, 10:25:15 AM
Just because you don't understand people who don't fit into the gender binary it doesn't mean they don't exist. Ignorance is the exact same reason that a lot of people are hateful towards trans, gay, different race, or in anyway different to themselfs and what they consider to be the norm. What you believe or don't believe doesn't give you the right to disregard someone's identity.
No, not everyone is going to accept you, but you can hope that if you're a decent human being to them then they'll do the same back. If that doesn't work then you've got to try to educate them, and if that doesn't work cut them out of your life because it isn't worth torturing yourself over someone who is happily living in their own ignorant and bitter bliss.
I didn't disregard anybodies Idenity, All I said was I don't understand it myself, I'm not disrespecting anyone who just so happens to be genderqueer or bigender or anything else, Their is no third gender though, And you also have to take in consideration, That you have no clue how people were brought up, Theirs alot of of people who were brought up in Christian homes I was but that doesn't mean were homophobic and hate gays or anything else that might not be the norm that people expect, You have to understand that again not everyone is gonna get it, you can't force them to either and I'm not saying that's you guys but Ive heard of other trans people getting supper heated because they think everyones gonna get it and agree with it........
Quote from: zombieinc on January 17, 2014, 09:03:04 AM
I don't expect everyone to accept me. That is why I have quit speaking with so many people over the years. Some people cannot accept or will not accept, certain things about me. That's ok, live and let live.
I am not going to split hairs over the number of genders that there are. 2,3,10 doesn't matter to me. I know that genderqueer people exist and that there are plenty of people who are butch women, femme guys, etc and that gender is spectrum, not a concrete series of concepts.
Yes, it is nice to think that there your biological gender does not define you. Except for when it does. I don't know you personally. Maybe you are younger than I am? I am almost 30. I have health issues that have prevented me from transitioning and I do not think it wise for me to present as male in public at this point in my life. I am hoping to get to a place within the next few years when I can transition.
You did not come across as rude or disrespectful. Just opinionated and thoughtful. 8)
You mean sex, Sex and Gender are different......