Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 05:24:50 PM

Title: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 05:24:50 PM
I'm feeling very down and lonely tonight. I don't really know where to turn or who to talk to, so I have come here. I hope that is ok.

I don't feel happy but I don't feel sad. I just feel an aching emptiness in my stomach. I'm trying to remain focused on the future, but I can't stay focused in the present. I don't have anything to look forward to and I feel like I'm living just for the sake of it. The loneliness is overwhelming. I've been taking things one step at a time and trying not to overload myself. Tonight things have got on top of me and I can't talk to anybody about it because I don't have anybody. I have these emotions inside of me that I can't talk about.

I'm not sure how I feel. Its mainly emptiness alongside crying constantly. I'm just feeling very 'meh' and needed to talk to someone.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Edge on January 10, 2014, 05:31:19 PM
Hi. I'm all ears. I've been there too and I know how important it is sometimes to have someone to help wait out the really bad times.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Nero on January 10, 2014, 05:31:43 PM
I felt similar last night. Hang in there buddy.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 05:50:54 PM
Thank you both. There's a lot of things triggering me at the moment. I'm trying to notice those triggers so that I can avoid them but it's really hard. All week I have been looking forward to sonething and now I'm told it isn't happening and I'm devastated to say the least. I'm also crazy about this girl and feel like I'm thinking constantly with my heart rather than my head. I can't get her off of my mind. I feel like I'm doing the same thing every day and I have nothing to wake up for. I'm annoyed with people and things that are happening out of my control which are triggering things from my past.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Rachel on January 10, 2014, 05:52:53 PM
Hey Joe,

Sorry to hear about the relationship issue. If I may ask, is the meeting postponed or not ever going to happen?
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Lavender on January 10, 2014, 05:54:24 PM
I have definitely felt that more than a few times. Don't beat yourself up too much over her, the heart tends to yearn a lot. People can definitely be the worst as well, but every down has an up eventually! Sorry about the change of plans though...
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:03:00 PM
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on January 10, 2014, 05:52:53 PM
Hey Joe,

Sorry to hear about the relationship issue. If I may ask, is the meeting postponed or not ever going to happen?

It wasn't a meeting. It was a pet. My family promised me that I could get one this weekend if I did certain things. I spent hours doing everything they asked and now they are saying no. I'm so so lonely and a pet is a companion for me to ease my depression. Their house, their rules and all of that bull->-bleeped-<-. I hate this feeling. I have been counting down the days all week.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Lavender on January 10, 2014, 06:06:04 PM
Quote from: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:03:00 PM
It wasn't a meeting. It was a pet. My family promised me that I could get one this weekend if I did certain things. I spent hours doing everything they asked and now they are saying no. I'm so so lonely and a pet is a companion for me to ease my depression. Their house, their rules and all of that bull->-bleeped-<-. I hate this feeling. I have been counting down the days all week.

That is horrible :l a pet coulda really helped through these feelings of being alone. At the very least you got a whole board of people behind ya.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Edge on January 10, 2014, 06:09:31 PM
Quote from: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 05:50:54 PM
I'm also crazy about this girl and feel like I'm thinking constantly with my heart rather than my head. I can't get her off of my mind.
I feel this way for someone right now too.

That sucks about the pet. What kind of pet were you going to get?
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:10:51 PM
Quote from: Lavender on January 10, 2014, 06:06:04 PM
That is horrible :l a pet coulda really helped through these feelings of being alone. At the very least you got a whole board of people behind ya though.


They know that too. They know how much my last pet helped me. They know what this means to me. Instead of crying to myself every single day, I could have somebody to talk to. Thank you. I love Susan's, but sometimes my feelings are too much.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Lavender on January 10, 2014, 06:12:18 PM
Quote from: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:10:51 PM
They know that too. They know how much my last pet helped me. They know what this means to me. Instead of crying to myself every single day, I could have somebody to talk to. Thank you. I love Susan's, but sometimes my feelings are too much.

Not at all. It's always nice to vent, and ide share my Kitty if I could D:
Much love to you, and I hope these clouds clear away.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:12:48 PM
Quote from: Edge on January 10, 2014, 06:09:31 PM
I feel this way for someone right now too.

That sucks about the pet. What kind of pet were you going to get?

It sucks doesn't it. I want to tell her, but I have to see her everyday so it's stopping me. I can't stop thinking about her.

Only a small rodent such as a rat/gerbil/hamster/chinchilla etc
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:13:31 PM
Quote from: Lavender on January 10, 2014, 06:12:18 PM
Not at all. It's always nice to vent, and ide share my Kitty if I could D:
Much love to you, and I hope these clouds clear away.

Thank you. Take care too
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Rachel on January 10, 2014, 06:18:08 PM
Can you share with your friend how you like pets and exchange similar experiences?

I have 3 cats and a dog ( we put one cat to sleep this week, she was my cat and it was very sad but I am happy she is out of pain). They are all strays and abused or discarded. We spend what is necessary to get them healthy and give them lots of love and attention.

I had hamsters and mice years ago and they were very cool.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:22:40 PM
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on January 10, 2014, 06:18:08 PM
Can you share with your friend how you like pets and exchange similar experiences?

I have 3 cats and a dog ( we put one cat to sleep this week, she was my cat and it was very sad but I am happy she is out of pain). They are all strays and abused or discarded. We spend what is necessary to get them healthy and give them lots of love and attention.

I had hamsters and mice years ago and they were very cool.

What friend? The girl that I like? She doesn't have any pets. I'm really sorry to hear about your cat :( It is really inspiring what you do.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Edge on January 10, 2014, 07:24:29 PM
Quote from: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 06:12:48 PM
It sucks doesn't it. I want to tell her, but I have to see her everyday so it's stopping me. I can't stop thinking about her.

Only a small rodent such as a rat/gerbil/hamster/chinchilla etc
Yeah it does. Do you think she might like you too?
Chinchillas are fluffy!
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 08:46:05 PM
Quote from: Edge on January 10, 2014, 07:24:29 PM
Yeah it does. Do you think she might like you too?
Chinchillas are fluffy!

I don't know to be honest. I think she might, she says she loves me and that she loves my smile. We also call each other characters from a tv show we both like. On the other hand, she says we're like best friends so I don't know if I'm friend zoned. I'm not very good at reading people's behavior towards me. I can't process what it means in my mind. She makes me really happy.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Adam (birkin) on January 10, 2014, 08:53:35 PM
I don't think the "best friends" thing is necessarily saying she just thinks of you as a friend. She may just not know that you like her too so best friends is like, a safe way of putting that she feels close to you.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Edge on January 10, 2014, 09:01:51 PM
I agree with Caleb and, in any case, you never know for sure unless you ask.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Joe. on January 10, 2014, 09:02:41 PM
Quote from: caleb. on January 10, 2014, 08:53:35 PM
I don't think the "best friends" thing is necessarily saying she just thinks of you as a friend. She may just not know that you like her too so best friends is like, a safe way of putting that she feels close to you.

That's true. We text a lot but she tends to fall asleep because she works early and sometimes she forgets but apologises the next day. I don't know if that's just an excuse though and that she just doesn't want to text me. She's an outgoing girl, so it's hard to know if she's into me or if it's just the way she is.
Title: Re: Emptiness
Post by: Rachel on January 11, 2014, 05:43:17 AM
Friends can go to a movie and get pizza after, just saying :)

If things progress in time then cool.