Kia Ora,
This I guess is for those trans-people (for whom gender dysphoria has/was part of their growing pains) and who have now bitten the bullet and have started to "physically" transition..... or have already transitioned ...
I thought it would be a good way for new and used members to gauge their progress and the possible outcomes....
For me the dysphoria gradually diminished the further I ventured down the path, and on going full time it had gone completely...I was never really dysphoric about my private parts-plus when going full time, nobody*apart from close friends and medical staff* knew what was left dangling between my legs...However genital surgery four and half years after going full time was just the extra icing on the cake....
So a few simple questions:
"When did your gender dysphoria end ?"
" Was it at the start when you finally decided to transition ?"
"Was it during your transition ?"
"Was it after you had completed your transition (with or without genital surgery) ? "
" Or are you still feeling gender dysphoric (pre or post 'full' transition) ?"
Metta Zenda :)
Quote from: Anatta on January 11, 2014, 12:39:43 AM
Kia Ora,
I thought it would be a good way for new and used members to gauge their progress and the possible outcomes....
Metta Zenda :)
Couldnt get past this...
Quote from: Emo on January 11, 2014, 12:48:07 AM
Couldnt get past this...
Kia Ora Emo,
At first I was going to put new and "not so new" or "old" members, but then "used" popped into my head, after all it means the same thing, so I went with it "used" members it is ;) ;D
Metta Zenda :)
I feel used. ::)
and the simple answer in my book..... the dysphoria doesnt end till your transition ends. where ever that may be along the way. it lessens the closser you get, but not untill you end does it end.
For me, the further I go, the worse it gets. I expected the opposite. Now, things that didn't matter suddenly trouble me. I am far more critical of my appearance and mannerisms. I feel more exposed. I have not conquered my dysphoria. Every time I think I have overcome something, there is another bigger challenge.
Anatta, I'll have to admit I don't relate strongly to the dysphoria part of the trans experience.
My dysphoria didn't start until I began to transition.
I know that sounds strange. Let me explain.
I've wanted to be a woman, but assumed it was quite impossible. I accepted that desire as a beautiful part of myself and it never especially bothered me.
I began my exploration because I was dissatisfied with my social life. I was a married male who seemed only to find satisfaction in friendships with women. It was getting harder and harder to make friends.
It was only after I started learning about transgender and meeting women who had transitioned that the sense of possibility started driving me toward transition.
That's when my dysphoria started. Once I started thinking life a a woman might be possible, the idea of spending the rest of my life as a man suddenly seemed unendurably bleak. Any reminder that passing as a woman would be difficult or that I was not yet a woman or might never be one, would give me a jolt of unhappiness. I also grew increasingly frustrated that people wouldn't see me for the woman that I wanted to be until I transitioned and came out to everyone.
I've been living full time for six months now. When I'm out and about as a woman, my social dysphoria has disappeared. I still get body dysphoria a lot. The fact that I'm still pre-op bothers me many times a day, as does the fact that my upper body hair (and my ineptness at removing it) prevents me from baring my shoulders or collar area. I also hate the fact that I'm dependent on a wig to pass because my upper face would give me away and my MPB will never be gone. When I see women for whom these will never be a problem, I get a stab of jealousy. Not sure that this is dysphoria. Nearly all women are unhappy about some aspect of their looks, so this may just be my feminine side shining through.
Well for this well "used" member, it was post op when the bandages were removed. I entered a new dimension. GID was finally cured.
Huggs
Catherine
My Dysphoria monster has gone from Godzilla down to a pony so far. It is easing since seriously starting the transition process. Being part time now, it is getting harder and harder to appear as him and I see full time coming up faster than I thought it would. Mine is lessening, but I am still committed to GRS and will not stop until "whole". :)
Just started HRT yesterday, so I still have dysphoria but the whole all consuming I need to start hormones to live thing has calmed down. I have to play the waiting game for awhile now.
Quote from: KittyKat on January 11, 2014, 08:58:15 AM
I have to play the waiting game for awhile now.
Isn't that the truth sister! ;D Coming out was not as hard as waiting. :)
For me, dysphoria pretty much ended the minute I accepted my gender.
I had struggled a lifetime with my gender. Since as early as I can remember, I naturally identified with women and struggled to connect to men. Until I was 50, I defined victory as "manning up" and as "conquering my gender".
One night, after a particularly scary bout of depression, I decided that the issue was my definition of victory. Victory, I concluded, lay not in conquering my gender, but in learning to accept and embrace it.
That night was like walking into daylight for the first time in my life.
I still struggle with a lot of things, but the focus has shifted. I no longer struggle with self-loathing and identity. I struggle with physical and social issues: What do I feel I need to change physically to feel more comfortable? What do I need to do if I want to be more accepted socially? What am I willing to compromise for acceptance? What do I not want to compromise?
These are all very big issues that will probably preoccupy me for a lifetime. But I think of them less as gender dysphoria and more as a part of the human condition.
[That said, I am counting the hours until my SRS in March with Dr. McGinn. Yippee!]
for me it ended after srs. BUT... the first two weeks after surgery i was scared and cried alot cuz i was worried what if i dont recover well. after that it was 95% gone and at 8 weeks the first time i made love with my boyfriend 100% gone.
Quote from: TiffanyT on January 11, 2014, 03:07:51 AM
For me, the further I go, the worse it gets...Every time I think I have overcome something, there is another bigger challenge.
While I have not transitioned in a way that aligns with our conventional sense of this word (and I will resist going into this here!), I have made a number of shifts in order to find some congruence between 'inner' and 'outer', if you will. While each of these has earned me some relief from dysphoria, each simultaneously seems to increase the stakes.
The further I go, in other words, the more sensitive I seem to become to
any dysphoric experience. I take one step and feel way better. Eventually, however, something happens that kicks up dysphoria again and I feel
way worse - more depressed, hopeless, isolated, angry than ever.
For me at this point, it's like Tiffany: every time I overcome something, along comes another, bigger challenge.
Keaira and I had a discussion sort of like this. She said "so what happens if you get a penis (the last surgery I plan to have), and you realize it's not that great and you're not happy? Then what?" (she's a sweetie, she told me later she asked me that because she didn't want to have to worry that I might off myself). In other words, she was asking me what happened if I was still dysphoric when all of this was said and done. I told her I'd just reach a point where I accepted that I had done all I could. If chest surgery and bottom surgery leave me with some to be desired, I see that as a natural stopping point. Why have more surgeries and procedures to make myself feel better, at that point? So my dysphoria would end with me accepting that my body isn't like other men and finding a way to love it anyway.
Of course, someone could ask "well why even have surgeries then, if you'd reach a point where you would have to learn to love yourself anyway?" :P To which I'd respond, leaving obviously female characteristics there isn't an answer. And I wouldn't have taken all the steps I could realistically take.
Kia Ora,
There's some truth to what's known in Buddhism as the second Noble Truth "The Cause of Dissatisfaction/suffering" is "craving" or "aversion"...
Craving(the wanting more/ wanting better/ wanting things to happen faster) or aversion (not wanting this or that to happen) does seem to be the big bugbear when it comes to transition...
Metta Zenda :)
I'm still early in my transition, but there is still a great deal of dysphoria. It's actually getting stronger the more progress I make. I suspect it's because I'm so sick of waiting and am feeling anxious to be where I'd like to be. With that said, I'm still in boy mode. Maybe once I get the courage to start presenting the right way I'll feel a tad less dysphoric.
Something tells me though that I will always experience gender dysphoria. There are limitations to my transition and I'll always feel jealous towards cis women to some degree. This is only a prediction, but I suppose my dysphoria will always pop up when considering things like my past and my inability to get pregnant and some other physical or social difference.
When Does/Did The Gender Dysphoria End ? For me it started to end a few weeks before my GCS was done. When i started the dilations and seen my down bits for the first time it hit me with great relief.
Not everyone has the same experence as i have. Not everyone will every be happy. I went into the GCS with realistic expectation that it is just that Gender Confermation Surgery. Nothing more, nothing less.
Everyones who has dysphoria has to do what they feel is needed to make it less and hopefuly to the point of no longer a issue. Each step is done for its benefit not just to be done because it how others did there.
Your own steps in your own time will be its own end.
Keep lookng forward
Hugs
Izzzy
Quote from: Anatta on January 11, 2014, 04:39:13 PM
Kia Ora,
There's some truth to what's known in Buddhism as the second Noble Truth "The Cause of Dissatisfaction/suffering" is "craving" or "aversion"...
Craving(the wanting more/ wanting better/ wanting things to happen faster) or aversion (not wanting this or that to happen) does seem to be the big bugbear when it comes to transition...
Metta Zenda :)
I've often thought about this concept in relation to transition. One of the classes I worked in has us reading excerpts from Buddhist texts. And I've wondered if there would be a way to find ourselves less attached to transition-related things. It's sort of hard to say...if we could do that entirely then what would be the purpose of transition?
Nice to know Im not alone. Mine gets steadily worse as my appearance has improved. Im facing the harsh reality that it will never be over. Just one more obstacle I guess, but this one will likely prove fatal for me. Im done talking about it to and I hate therapy. Peace is not what the goddess had in mind for me in this life.
Quote from: learningtolive on January 11, 2014, 04:47:12 PM
I'm still early in my transition, but there is still a great deal of dysphoria. It's actually getting stronger the more progress I make. I suspect it's because I'm so sick of waiting and am feeling anxious to be where I'd like to be. With that said, I'm still in boy mode. Maybe once I get the courage to start presenting the right way I'll feel a tad less dysphoric.
Something tells me though that I will always experience gender dysphoria. There are limitations to my transition and I'll always feel jealous towards cis women to some degree. This is only a prediction, but I suppose my dysphoria will always pop up when considering things like my past and my inability to get pregnant and some other physical or social difference.
Kia Ora L,
Internalised trans-phobia it would seem is more common/wide spread than some care to mention...The feeling of inadequacy, not up to the mark, not quite reaching what one believe society's G.I.R.L Gender Identity Recognition Level to be, more often than not one sets the bar far too high...
However I think after a while of 'being your true self" things will begin to settle down. we humans (like our mammal cousin the rat) are wired with this uncanny ability to adapt to any given situation which (of course) can sustain life...
Metta Zenda :)
I dont suffer from self hatred. That went away early. I like who I am. But I dont like anything about how I look. Dont know why and at my age it cant be fixed. Too long living my old life perhaps. Im more a Nina Arsenault type - I will die from hormone over dose or on the operating table. At least Ill go out fighting, no more suicide attempts or self harming and no desire.
Quote from: caleb. on January 11, 2014, 05:02:17 PM
I've often thought about this concept in relation to transition. One of the classes I worked in has us reading excerpts from Buddhist texts. And I've wondered if there would be a way to find ourselves less attached to transition-related things. It's sort of hard to say...if we could do that entirely then what would be the purpose of transition?
This is an interesting inquiry, Caleb. One I have given much consideration as a mediator/Buddhist. The question, for me, is: Can my meditative/Buddhist training help me adjust to a dysphoria that, while ever shifting, does not go away?
Not wanting to derail this thread - but recognizing comments in this regard seem relevant - I am going to keep my sense of this brief. If you - or anyone - would like to talk more, perhaps we can start another thread or pm.
So, can my meditative/Buddhist training help me adjust to a dysphoria that does not go away? Yes, this seems the case, but it takes ongoing work in two areas.
First, I must constantly remind myself what 'peace' means in Buddhism - not no more dysphoria (or troubles with rent, illness, partners, etc...), but an ability to rest with this experience. Buddhist teachings do
not offer freedom from experience, but instead suggest if we somehow stop fighting so much, we find we can
be with/open to experience - in my case, dysphoria. This is peace.
The second line of work addresses the phrase 'if we somehow stop fighting' above. How do we 'somehow stop fighting'? Well, we practice. What do we practice? Meditation. This is what meditation offers: training in resting with life as it is - dysphoria and all.
So can meditation/Buddhism help me with dysphoria? I'll repeat, rephrase, and emphasize: My experience suggests yes. But it takes work that is both a lot and ongoing. I have literally spent thousands of hours practicing, hundreds studying, and still I struggle. So it is not a 'fix', but it does help in a very direct and practical way.
Quote from: TiffanyT on January 11, 2014, 03:07:51 AM
For me, the further I go, the worse it gets. I expected the opposite. Now, things that didn't matter suddenly trouble me. I am far more critical of my appearance and mannerisms. I feel more exposed. I have not conquered my dysphoria. Every time I think I have overcome something, there is another bigger challenge.
I feel very much the same.
Sometimes I wish I had taken the red pill instead of the blue. Or was it the other way around? Is anyone else tired of Matrix humor?
But I feel I have no choice if I'm ever going to find peace, and that's all I want right now.
Yeah, I get the matrix thing. Im glad, spectacularly happy that I got to experience life in the real. I wouldnt change any of it. Not even knowing what I know now. Im alive today and that matters. Ultimately we all go, no one gets out alive, its just a question of whether you do it on your own terms or someone elses.
No one will ever tell me what to do ever again.
Quote from: caleb. on January 11, 2014, 05:02:17 PM
I've often thought about this concept in relation to transition. One of the classes I worked in has us reading excerpts from Buddhist texts. And I've wondered if there would be a way to find ourselves less attached to transition-related things. It's sort of hard to say...if we could do that entirely then what would be the purpose of transition?
Kia Ora Calab,
I was going to attempt to answer your question, but then thought "Why try to re-invent the wheel"...So..................
You might also find this thread of interest (especially her first and fifth posts)...Sandra lopez, she's a member and Buddhist practitioner with a way with words (and Buddhist teacher in her own right, even though she's quite modest about her understanding of Buddhism)
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,147834.msg1216646.html#msg1216646
Tanya also makes some good points about meditation and commitment...
Or you could look for a "10 day vipassana
workshop" in your area...A deeper 'insight' into your feelings will go along way in helping to come to terms with things...
http://www.dhamma.org/en/
Metta Zenda :)
If my GD was absolutely gone today, I would not need to take any further steps to feminize my body.
This makes me sure I'm not cut out to be an androgyne, this much is for sure. Some people would be happy where I am, me not so much. It still bothers me bigtime, but not like it did pre-HRT.
At some point I will have crossed that proverbial "finish line", but I don't know where that is exactly. Therefore, I will keep taking baby steps until the GD no longer has a negative impact on my life. If I do everything short of GCS and I'm still not there, then I know that's what I'll need to do.
I don't think it's totally ended for me, but it's been significantly reduced since around the start of this year. I've been feeling confident out in public, gotten a lot of positive affirmation about my appearance from many people, I feel more female than I ever have, and I've been getting a lot of attention from guys. ;) I still have some insecurities that come up sometimes, but not the crippling self-perpetuating doubts that I had pre-transition. All I really have is a few parts of my appearance left to change before I'm satisfied and those things merely take some time. There's nothing there that irks me that's impossible to change. Few more laser sessions on my stubborn upper lip shadow, finding the right makeup, losing more weight to get more clothes, and a few other minor things. Regardless, I'm part-time now and aiming for full-time by March 1st because I'm so much more confident now, and that's probably a good indicator that the worst (as far as dysphoria goes) is likely behind me now. :)
Oftne it never ends and it recurs through out your life. No way to know. Dont think you will ever be cured, you wont be. Get used to it.
Quote from: amber1964 on January 16, 2014, 03:57:10 AM
Don't think you will ever be cured, you wont be.
While I personally tend to avoid absolute statements - I'm Canadian; note this inclusion of 'tend' - there seems some cautionary wisdom in this. I can make myself crazy looking for a cure (to just about anything!). Remove this word from my vocabulary and I become much better at allowing my life to be my life, myself to be myself. This does not necessarily mean adopting a 'do nothing' approach, but does involve a very different orientation to everything and anything I do do (do be do).
I know that the day after my bottom surgery when I woke up from surgery I knew that my life was forever changed. Some people say SRS doesn't matter but it sure cured me. I would say however that it wasn't until many months after my surgery when the hoopla of the surgery and major dilation schedule died down is when my life changed massively for the positive. That's when I really began living a rewarding life and gender problems faded away to nothingness.
Quote from: amber1964 on January 16, 2014, 03:57:10 AM
Oftne it never ends and it recurs through out your life. No way to know. Dont think you will ever be cured, you wont be. Get used to it.
I'm so glad we have you to clear this up for all of us who clearly don't know as much as you do. I think I'll just kill myself now and end my suffering. /sarc
Quote from: amber1964 on January 16, 2014, 03:57:10 AM
Oftne it never ends and it recurs through out your life. No way to know. Dont think you will ever be cured, you wont be. Get used to it.
Kia Ora Amber,
A few definitions for "cured"
1. Restoration of health; recovery from disease.
2. A method or course of medical treatment used to restore health.
3. An agent, such as a drug, that restores health; a remedy.
4. Something that corrects or relieves a harmful or disturbing situation
It's quite possible some will develop
internalised transphobia( one of the many types of gender dysphoria) and have a hard time accepting the birth-sex flaws that come as part of the whole transitioning package(from what I gather, this too can be
cured with time, patience and therapy)...But I'm sure many will be cured of the standard issue gender dysphoria ie, "Unhappy with their birth-sex"
Metta Zenda :)
For me, like Suzi, dysphoria didn't really seriously manifest until I started transition - and the farther into it I went, the more my dysphoria focused on the remaining aspects. Growing boobs made presenting male 10,000X harder, going part-time except for work made going to work infinitely more painful, and so on.
I finished transition in 11 months... and then spent 2 more years with my dysphoria 100% focused on the last remaining survivor of my previous life, to the point where *then* I couldn't stand to be naked or see myself in the mirror without pants.
The good news is, I woke up from GRS with the dysphoria basically gone. There's still occasional moments of sadness, but it's not the same sort of crippling misery as before, and looking at my breasts and knowing what's NOT lurking in my pants usually cheers me right up. :)
The vast majority of my dysphoria vanished within 2-3 days of starting estrogen.
Since then it has just become another part of the background noise.
I am on HRT. I no longer flinch when I see my reflection in the morning. I am comfortable with my current trans status, and in no great hurry to change it. I do know change will continue, and am OK with letting that change happen at its own pace and also with dealing with those further changes as & when they occur.
I still go to a therapist every week because of other concerns. I spend very little of my appointments with my gender therapist discussing anything directly related to me being trans.
I feel no compelling need to be either 'male' or 'female'. I have become comfortable with being somewhere in the middle (I wouldn't have been able to say that a year ago).