Hello everyone!
First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Sam. I am 28 from the UK and have recently started on a journey to embracing my femininity and identifying as transgender. At the moment I am non-transitioning, the way I see it due to life experiences and childhood circumstance I have was raised to be a boy and all that came with it. It never really fit so I did my own thing. I identified as gay for a long while, had gay relationships, actually had to end my last relationship because of this new journey of discovery. Dressing up for me is a way of realising my full potential, that inner beautiful girl that captures so much of my personality and sexuality. I want those feelings every day but its a slooooow process.
Last night I had my first sexual experience as a t-girl. I was able to feel sensual and desirable dressed as a girl, capturing that feminine essence that has always defined my sexuality, even as a man. But so much of it felt like a performance, I found it difficult to relate to the guy I was with as MYSELF whoever that is. It felt that there was a battle in the room firstly there was my knowledge and experience of intimacy as a gay man, and how to behave in that way, while being partly ashamed and guilty of that side (since I was presuming the person I was with didn't want to see that person) and then the dressed t-girl trying to visualise that feminine side of my sexuality and serve it to the person I was with but feeling completely performed and not at all congruent with my actual feelings in the moment.
I suppose I muddled through and made the best out of the situation, and it was a nice experience, but I was left confused. Was aware of this site and the support that it provides to the community, and wanted to see if I could get any support, advice, understanding.
I don't know if I have posted this in the right area. I also don't know how to make an avatar for myself!
I would be really appreciative of any thoughts that people have got about what I have spoken about :-)
Sam
Welcome to Susan's Place Selina. I hope you find the support you deserve here. I am sure some ladies will come along soon and answer some of your questions and join in the conversation.
Make sure to read these:
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
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- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
A big warm welcome to the family baby sister! :) This is the best family you could have been adopted by. We have a great family full of good advice and experience to help you in the search for your true self. There are so many caring, educated, experienced people and those whose personal experience stories are invaluable. If you can't find an answer here you will not find it anywhere. Relax, dig in and have an educational and fun experience. You will have friends in no time as well as a shoulder to cry on if you need it. So feel free to rant, vent, share and have some fun along the way as we have it all and it is yours now as well. Here is a BIG HUG (:icon_hug:) to start you on your new journey of discovery. :)
Sam, there is no reason to ever be "ashamed" or "guilty" of who we are, or how we coped on the wild and whacky journey we are all on.
One of our nicest moderators, Padma, identified as a gay British man for many years, before delving deeper.
There are many here who have had similar experiences. My hope is that you find peace of mind in finding your authentic self.
A warm welcome to you! :)