Kia Ora Fellow birth-sex non-conformers ,
No doubt this has been asked before (possibly by me)...
It's a "free for all" thread, open to pre-non-post trans-people...
As trans-people we are at times prone to anxieties and fears, that relate to our somewhat unusual condition.......
So what's your greatest fear/s ?
Here's a few possibles to choose from...
1) Being clocked
2) Having to stop HRT (for whatever reason)
3) Not being able to afford HRT
4) Not being able to afford surgery
5) Wanting surgery but fearing things could go wrong (major complications)
6) Not finding acceptance from family members etc
You may have other major fears not necessarily the same as the above... so spill the beans.... what are they ?
Remember "It's better out than in !"
Metta Zenda :)
Nice thread,,,I have those fears too
but I think having to cut my hair for some reason scares me the most...
non transition related I am really afraid of grasshopers and cockroaches...all other insects are ok really...lol
Being exposed, humiliated, isolated, ignored, rejected, dehumanized and ridiculed. I fear being overwhelmed.
Being a tourist in India!
I can deal with the other stuff no problems
Not being left alone.
Sometimes I am scared that I can't see life after transition - not because transition is the be all and end all for me, but it feels like this has been going on so long that it will never end. I worry that I'll die at like 30, right after a phallo, and never get a chance to just be me in my entirety.
In regards to transition, being clocked is one of my greatest fears. I think about if I were to move somewhere and start fresh, and I'd be outed - feel tempted to move - move again, be outed again, and never find a place I can just call home.
I don't worry about affording surgery, as I feel I can save up for them, even a phalloplasty. I do worry about serious complications though.
So what's your greatest fear/s ?
1) Being clocked - I don't care anymore as long as the clocker doesn't want to physically harm me.
2) Having to stop HRT (for whatever reason) I don't think I could deal without the mental effects of E. I refuse to go back to the darkness.
3) Not being able to afford HRT Not an issue for me anymore
4) Not being able to afford surgery Also not an issue.
5) Wanting surgery but fearing things could go wrong (major complications). Yes, this is an issue I need to get past. Foremost, I would prefer to wake up afterward.
6) Not finding acceptance from family members etc. That ship sailed 9 months ago. I lost a drunkle who is a recovering Jehovah's Witness. BFD.
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders." -Dumb T-shirt I saw once.
The main one is losing my job after I come out at work. Others are moving to a state that has no protections for trans* people and having to face uneducated/religious bigots, or getting beat up or arrested for living while trans*. I can deal with everything else.
1. Being alone for the rest of my life.
2. Having something happen which forces me to depend on someone else and there's no one who cares enough to let me depend on them.
3. SRS will screw up my ability to feel sexual pleasure.
4. For health or economic reasons I will no longer be able to take hormones.
5. Disastrous SRS complications will see me in and out of surgery for a long time.
6. Losing my job.
7. Susan's Place shutting down or changing to the point of being unrecognizable.
Kia Ora,
False Evidence Appearing Real
I would think for the full time stealther being clocked would be their greatest fear...Being stealth can be liken to a two edged sword- on the one side the joy of just being/blending, and its other side the fear of exposure...
Metta Zenda :)
My fears have absolutely nothing to do with gender/transition, etc.
My greatest fear is going blind. The idea that I could never see anything ever again scares the hell out of me. Sure, you CAN still live a full and productive life if this does happen (Hell, I met a guy that was blind and played drums in a speed metal band. He was an amazing drummer too.) but the idea of losing my sight scares the hell out of me. I had one instance during my childhood when I came out of a VP shunt revision and I couldn't see anything at all for 5 minutes. All I could hear was the voices of the surgeons and my family members. THAT was pretty damn scary. Dying an early death due to cancer or some horrible disease is a close second. The idea that I would only have a pre-set time to live would suck away any optimism that I could try to muster in an attempt to fight back against whatever was killing me.
Quote from: Cindy on January 16, 2014, 01:01:31 AM
Being a tourist in India!
I can deal with the other stuff no problems
Because of the Ganges?
Quote from: FA on January 16, 2014, 05:09:14 PM
Because of the Ganges?
Nah the rape culture in India, a Danish tourist was the latest, gang raped when she got lost and asked for help.
I've been asked to present at a conference in India, still deciding!
Getting hurt somehow and being in pain. I'm not scared of dying so long as its quick, but pain is what I fear most.
Having to rely on someone else for my general well being, especially when I get older.
Failing, I couldn't deal with that.
That my kids won't have the same kind of opportunities in life as I've had.
1.that i will spread some sort of illness to someone. (reverse germophobia basically. apparently its relatively common)
2.misinterpretation by other people of my words leading to a misconception of who i am as a person in some drastic way.
3: similar to nikko, that the young people in my family, including my potential child(paternity test pending), will grow up in a world where they struggle to survive. where opportunities to live decently are scarce.
4: that the world will turn into a hybrid of China and Idiocracy
but ive taken a 'whatever will be will be' stance on life, and society in general. i figure the world will take care of itself.
Quote from: caleb. on January 16, 2014, 11:00:34 AM
I worry that I'll die at like 30, right after a phallo, and never get a chance to just be me in my entirety.
This ^ Also:
-Suzi's number 7
-Getting killed on the way to the operation table
-Having serious complications that results in more time and costs spent on getting it right/permenant loss of sensation
-Never being able to see the "end" of my transition process
- Being alone (no friends, family, partner, associates, etc. that I can go to for support outside of the internet).
- Never being able to afford bottom/top surgery, hormones or even just transitioning
-Getting fired from a job/ never being able to find a job
-Being "found out"
-Being beaten, raped, tortured, and murdered
-Having medical conditions that won't allow me to take hormones or get the surgeries
-Being homeless
Quote from: Malachite on January 17, 2014, 02:24:21 AM
This ^ Also:
-Suzi's number 7
-Getting killed on the way to the operation table
-Having serious complications that results in more time and costs spent on getting it right/permenant loss of sensation
-Never being able to see the "end" of my transition process
Life is transition. Not just as we normally speak of it here but all things. If we should stagnate and not transition, we no longer exist. Don't seek the end but value the journey. See the colors here and let the grey of the future stay there.
- Being alone (no friends, family, partner, associates, etc. that I can go to for support outside of the internet).
I'm there now. It really isn't a bad place to be. I like being able to control who I speak with and when. I like being able to go or not go as I choose.
Being alone is not inherently bad. Loneliness is another matter.
- Never being able to afford bottom/top surgery, hormones or even just transitioning
If you want it, you can get it; but to get it, you have to want it. Everything you do in life is a decision, and I do mean everything. If you want hormones, then choose to get them. It sounds simple and for the most part, it really is.
-Getting fired from a job/ never being able to find a job
Being fired is just a learning experience. Never is a extremely long time. Sometimes instead of finding a job, you cash in on your hobbies, interests, or obsessions. If you find a way of supporting yourself that you love to do, you will never work a day in your life.
-Being "found out" & -Being beaten, raped, tortured, and murdered
These two are one of those things that you can be miserable worrying about or you can take proper precautions and then let it be. Whether or not it ever happens, if you have done what is possible to protect yourself, then let it go.
-Having medical conditions that won't allow me to take hormones or get the surgeries
Not likely, though possible. See the above about decisions.
-Being homeless
Been there. Again, it isn't so bad. You learn who your friends are, you get motivated to get out of that situation when you are ready, you see a world few ever know exists. You find that money doesn't change the types of people there are in the world. If it happens, learn from it, then move on.
I agree with Kat, being alone isn't really that much of a problem, it's feeling lonely that's the issue. I'd also like to add that you don't have to be alone to feel lonely, when I was younger I tended to be surrounded by people yet still felt utterly alone.
Anyway, my fears/worries:
-My province recently started covering SRS again but I'm pretty sure they don't cover anything else, like FFS (does a trach shave fall under FFS?) or BA or Voice Therapy. I might not need the BA, but I'm pretty sure I'll need FFS and I could really use Voice help.
-Hair! The front part of my head is getting really sparse and I have no idea if HRT will help with it at all!
-I kind of worry that I'll never have a good female voice. I've watched a lot of youtube videos and read a lot of 'how-to's' and I still can't figure out how to do it.
-I'm also worried that I'll never be able to walk properly due to a pinched nerve in my back that both causes pain and affects the muscles around my feet (I can't raise my feet properly).
Kia Ora,
Thanks for the responses
It would seem(judging from personal experience)my past fears were(as is often the case) unfounded...But at the time I too fell into the trap...........................
"Those who fear they shall suffer - already suffer what they fear !" :icon_yikes:
Metta Zenda :)
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear
-Gautama Buddha
Quote from: Oriah on January 18, 2014, 02:17:30 PM
The whole secret of existence is to have no fear
-Gautama Buddha
Kia Ora Oriah,
Sadhguru explanation of what fear is, also sits well with Buddhists...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUdHX1Bent0
Metta Zenda :)
I would have to say that right now my biggest fear involves the possibility that I will not be able to transition is more weight on an unbearable burden when depression hits.
Also today I have been thinking about how disappointed my friends and family will be in me and how selfish I am in possibly having to put them through that.
My biggest fear is simple, fear of the unknown. Funny for me to say it since I have made so many changes in my life, done so many things others wouldn't dare to think about. Yet, not knowing that I looked over the situation from every conceivable angle and came up with a solution that will work, or just not blow up in my face, scares me. My double edged sword since I am a damn good engineer thanks to those mental chess games.
As far as transitioning... the same fear. Will I be happier? Will I wind up better off? Will the potential and real costs be compensated by the greater joy I feel presenting as the real me?
The double edged sword of greater self-acceptance.
Quote from: White Rabbit on January 18, 2014, 02:56:05 PM
I would have to say that right now my biggest fear involves the possibility that I will not be able to transition is more weight on an unbearable burden when depression hits.
Also today I have been thinking about how disappointed my friends and family will be in me and how selfish I am in possibly having to put them through that.
Kia Ora WR,
Have you weighed up the odds of the impact of what not going with your natural flow will have on you ?
Remember your family and friends may be somewhat disappointed, but they will still be able to get on with their lives...In other words their world's not going to come crumbling down all around them...They will get over the initial shock, and in time some may find it in their hearts to accept you...
The future is still unfolding and the unknown become known as it gradually unfolds (and not beforehand)...
Metta Zenda :)
Not being able to afford surgery for sure.
I'm afraid most of mine have already been realised, so there isn't a whole lot left for me to be afraid of.
The things I fear now aren't for myself, but for others. Those whose lives are so precious and waiting to be lived, yet so delicate and precariously balanced. I fear for their future, yet hope for it at the same time. It's an odd feeling.
Not having enough money to transition... sadly a real possibility.
My son rejecting me.
Quote from: Gwynne on January 20, 2014, 11:02:07 PM
My son rejecting me.
:'( I'm so terribly sorry about that, I wish there was something I could do.
Quote from: Sarah Rose on January 20, 2014, 11:07:19 PM
:'( I'm so terribly sorry about that, I wish there was something I could do.
He loves me, but I worry he'll always blame me.
"If not for transgender, perhaps I could have had a
normal life" :-\
Quote from: Gwynne on January 20, 2014, 11:10:04 PM
He loves me, but I worry he'll always blame me.
"If not for transgender, perhaps I could have had a normal life" :-\
Kia Ora Gwynne,
I'm not sure of your family situation.... but just so long as nobody poison's his mind, things should work out ok.
Metta Zenda :)
Fear of a slow miserable death or fear of just slowly wasting away. I also have a fear of never being able to find love.
These fears are more general related and could be associated with anyone trans or not.
1. Biggest fear. Being attacked and raped . I have had nightmares 3 seperate time that led to me waking up screaming and crying. The first time was the worst, during that time me and my ex were going to drag shows and I dreamed that a certain drag queen forced herself on me and well ..... the next night we went to the show and I was being very shy for obvious reasons and I dont know how it happened but the exact drag queen had actually forced me against the wall in the club and my ex ended up ripping her off of me and threatened to kick her ass. We left and didn't come back for quite a bit after. :(
2. To be in a wreck so bad it worsens my current health condition
3. My current health problems getting so bad I cant walk or drive
turning Buddhists! ::) :o ;D
Right now, I have 3 big, BIG fears that are causing me to be completely useless at work!
1) The fear that actually, I'm not trans, and instead I'm just a guy who has no idea who he wants to be, or what he wants from life.
2) The fear that 1) may be right, and I'm stuck being 'me' forever.
3) The fear that if/once I do manage to admit it to myself, that I need to take the next step and tell someone.
Quote from: ConfusedHumanUK on January 22, 2014, 04:17:59 PM
Right now, I have 3 big, BIG fears that are causing me to be completely useless at work!
1) The fear that actually, I'm not trans, and instead I'm just a guy who has no idea who he wants to be, or what he wants from life.
2) The fear that 1) may be right, and I'm stuck being 'me' forever.
3) The fear that if/once I do manage to admit it to myself, that I need to take the next step and tell someone.
Sounds like you already need to talk to someone about it. I have talked to 2 people about it so far, one was college advisor and the other an online gaming friend who I never met face to face even, and both came out ok as far as I know. Talking about it in a way makes me feel more and more Mtf.
Oh and my biggest concern, and probably only concern is not passing. I'm afraid I'll be able to pass lookwise but never talk wise. That's the one thing that makes me not want to continue on this journey.
My greatest fears about my transition is that I'll never really pass, will never be able to afford surgery, that I'll get beaten up for being gay, and that I'll never love myself.
My greatest fears about non trans related things is that I'll be stuck in the purgatory of dead-end forever and never reach any of my goals.
You know I have all the normal fears. Not passing when the time comes. Being made fun of. Or being outed when I'm convinced I'd pass. Etc..... And I am sure I have already been made fun of. Lol. You can feel it even if you don't see it. Or at least I can. But the only thing I actually care about is my wife. With out her in my life I am only half the woman I am or could be. Sounds silly, but she does complete me.
Quote from: ConfusedHumanUK on January 22, 2014, 04:17:59 PM
Right now, I have 3 big, BIG fears that are causing me to be completely useless at work!
1) The fear that actually, I'm not trans, and instead I'm just a guy who has no idea who he wants to be, or what he wants from life.
2) The fear that 1) may be right, and I'm stuck being 'me' forever.
Being an obsessive person , I want not to loose what I discovered about myself so far .
So the first 2 are the biggest 2 fears in life ,even at this very moment , and I don't know if I should think of them or relax .
The more I try think about , the more it seems that I might not be what I feel/want .
It sounds crazy , but then so am I .
Like 4 years ago I had a nervous depression , or at least that was the diagnostic , but I perceived it as an awful fear , biggest fear you can imagine , of getting mad /dementia . I heard some others people had it too , some committed suicide .
Anyway , that was also an obsession , a fear not to loose my mind which I valued the most.
And although I had some anti-depressant drugs for a while , the most helpful treatment was my psychiatrist telling me : ' Ignore the sickness , and the sickness will ignore you" . After I used that advice and I stopped analyzing myself so much , I felt much better.
Another fear is that I will never pass , that being connected with the idea that if i don't have a real female brain I will never get the feminine style .
I would have to say..
1. Not being accepted by friends of family. I've come out to most people in my life already, but i have long term fears tied to acceptance.
2. Losing my job when I come out at work. (Come on ENDA!!!)
3. The last one is kind of silly, but I'm deathly afraid of spiders. As in, pack up an move if i could.
Here's a few possibles to choose from...
1) Being clocked I do not think I will pass
2) Having to stop HRT (for whatever reason) I do not think this will happen.
3) Not being able to afford HRT Insurance will cover everything less FFS
4) Not being able to afford surgery I will need surgery for FFS which I think I can swing over time.
5) Wanting surgery but fearing things could go wrong (major complications). Not a concern.
6) Not finding acceptance from family members etc I think the further I go the more distant my wife will be. I believe she will influence my daughter. I will lose my siblings.
I fear people will say the things others said and that I said to myself about myself (in the past). I would call myself freak, IT, ->-bleeped-<- and homo. I was my worst enemy. It was like two persons at war in my head. She won.
I do not want to be alone and isolated.
I do not want to lose my job.
I dream about being trapped and not being able to get away and not being able to stop someone.
I dread someone asking a question. I have fought so much for my gains I do not want to deny "my self".
Spring will bring warm weather and I will not have a hoodie or sweater to hide my breasts. Beach weather is approaching :0 There was a co-worker female staring at my breasts last week for 20-30 seconds during a conversation, how rude.
Quote from: peky on January 22, 2014, 12:53:07 PM
turning Buddhists! ::) :o ;D
Kia Ora
Peky Grasshopper ,
::)
"Those who fear they shall suffer-already suffer what they fear !" Welcome to Buddhaville (Your enrollment form's in the post...) ;) ;D
Metta Zenda :)
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on February 02, 2014, 06:23:07 PM
I dream about being trapped and not being able to get away and not being able to stop someone
Your post reminded me of another fear that was almost forgotten and that fear is the fear of being trapped and unable to escape. I think I have a bit is clostrophobia. Primarily tracing back to when I was a child (my sister was watching me while my mom was gone.) And I got hold of one of here dolls and well her response was to lock me in the closet till mom got home. I was quite the mess by the time my mother got home.
Oh, I thought of a few more weird ones to add:
1. Chucky from Child's Play
2. Big, rabid dogs
3. Aliens and UFO's
4. Supernatural crap: angry spirits, ghosts, etc
Being stuck like this for another few years is my greatest fear.
Mine is being caught in some kind of disaster or conflagration or conflict, being forced to flee en masse with everyone else and at the relief/refuge camps being lumped in with the men. Sounds a bit stupid I know but it's certainly happened to people around the world throughout history. :-\
I have many fears but only one would force me back into a state of darkness, despair, intense dysphoria, loss of connection and no emotional depth... being denied hrt. If I have hrt then all things remain possible - my next greatest fears - the loss of family and friends may still happen but I will give it a shot and hope that they suspend their judgement but not their love.
Hi Aisla,
Quote from: Aisla on February 08, 2014, 07:09:44 AM
.......... my next greatest fears - the loss of family and friends may still happen but I will give it a shot and hope that they suspend their judgement but not their love.
And this is one of the fears we have absolutely no control over. And now is the time to work out your strategy in the way you'll handle that situation, should it ever arise. It just makes overcoming setbacks and personal hurts just a bit quicker if we have a exit strategy.
My greatest fear is that I'll be blinded by love and pick the wrong guy to marry. It's so easy. We tend to turn off our radar when we fall in love.
Huggs
Catherine
In hindsight, nothing.
I have been to hell.
No one can put me back; not anymore.
I just fear sleep.
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:
Thanks but I'm good, at least till I close my eyes :-*
We are never totally helpless in situations like this. Take control of the conscious before you sleep with affirming statements that you won't go there.
Oh Sis, you know they wait for me! I'm fine may S you in a few mins if you like
That the dysphoria will never get easier and that I will never look male enough.
Hi Edge,
Quote from: Edge on February 08, 2014, 09:42:44 AM
That the dysphoria will never get easier and that I will never look male enough.
Half the trick to confronting fear is to try and find where it originated from. Generally negative thoughts, which fear is, comes from negative sources. People, places, events etc. defining the source will discover the absolute truth, from which you can work from.
The other half of the trick is to ignore what you say about yourself and listen to the positive of what others say about you. This may require you to "borrow" their belief in you until such time as you take ownership of it yourself.
Huggs
Catherine
I'm afraid to be perceived as a "threat" to society when I transition. I'm scared that I'm going to be followed around in stores like a criminal, or that a police officer or citizen may see me as a danger and decides to kill me or a police put me under arrest/harass me for just lookig "suspicious" or being somewhere where I shouldn't "belong".
Lately I'm afraid of going public. In Miami today and was talking with some of the other players and wondering if I will still be accepted once they all know
Quote from: Malachite on February 08, 2014, 10:57:47 AM
I'm afraid to be perceived as a "threat" to society when I transition. I'm scared that I'm going to be followed around in stores like a criminal, or that a police officer or citizen may see me as a danger and decides to kill me or a police put me under arrest/harass me for just lookig "suspicious" or being somewhere where I shouldn't "belong".
This. I'm half black and I'm afraid the combination "not pure white" plus male is going to end badly for me at some point, even though I'm not at all a violent person. Police have been known to harass people for way less. It follows then, I'm also afraid of getting arrested and what they'll do when they discover mismatching...bits. Or where they would put a transsexual. Birth gender? Huge dysphoria. All men? Yeeeeaaah not with the bottom bits.
Quote from: Frank on February 08, 2014, 01:29:21 PM
This. I'm half black and I'm afraid the combination "not pure white" plus male is going to end badly for me at some point, even though I'm not at all a violent person. Police have been known to harass people for way less. It follows then, I'm also afraid of getting arrested and what they'll do when they discover mismatching...bits. Or where they would put a transsexual. Birth gender? Huge dysphoria. All men? Yeeeeaaah not with the bottom bits.
Exactly how I feel, or someone catches the harrassment on the phone and it's all over the internet to see/or it becomes huge and international, and then there's a whole new spin on the story as it gets out that the guy being harrassed is trans.... Gosh that would be a nightmare for me.
I fear the moment in which I don't act when my heart is telling me to. I fear failing to make a sound when my mind is screaming at me to speak up. In short, I only fear failing myself--failing to find the courage to follow what I believe is true and right in spite of whatever the resistance.
Every day I silently hope that I do not succumb to that fear. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But when I don't, I remind myself that I'm only human and to do better next time.