People are polarised at what I have done. Most people think it was the correct thing to do, TS persons won't so much.
My transition plan took a big hit a few months ago, and I am accepting the harsh reality. Having saved money for years, Now my plan was to wait for the SRS referral letters and get everything done at the same time. SRS, BA and a good deal of FFS. I would be complete, and it could restore my possibilities of finding a job to pre-transition. These last weeks I have dealt with huge dysphoria, including the genital one.
Sadly, I had no backup plan. Not having a job (and things are hard here even to work as a supermarket cashier), my only hope was that my accumulated work experience would help me find work soon, but things are not going according to plan I haven't been able to save any money in the year I've been living on my own and transitioning, and as time passed, I was more and more terrified that I could end in the worst possible situation: No job, no unemployment benefits and no savings would mean having to sleep in the street. Not to mention paying the hormones. I know of friends who haven't been able to work for years (it was my own situation for a long time), and people here keep being evicted from their homes. Things are that bad around here.
I had to accept it: I could blow nearly 3/4 of my savings in surgery, and with that I would look and be legally female (SRS allows me to automatically change name and sex legally instead of of waiting two years), but after that I would be in the same precarious situation: Once I run out of money, it's street time for me. My parents have declared that they won't allow me to come back, so I don't have a last resource if all else fails.
In the end, I accepted his "offer", the one he has been proposing me for a year: Buying a home between the two of us. We would split the entry fee, and the monthly mortgage.
- The good side: I'd have a place of my own. With the entry fee we can afford and how cheap homes are at this moment, it would be far cheaper than what I pay in rent every month. Renting a room would pay the mortgage. He agrees to keep paying my part if I run out of unemployment benefits, and if I find job in another community or country, We can rent the place
- The downside: This leaves me without transition savings. I'd have enough for doing just SRS, which would ease my dysphoria, but without the FFS the misgendering will continue.
I talked it with several persons, and except for some transitioners, most people, both TS from my country and cis persons agree that this is the right thing to do. That safety and a roof is a top priority over everything else, and the home can even generate some income. Regarding halting the transition until I can find a job again, most opinions I get are that it is still to early for FFS, and that if I give it the two mandatory years, maybe my face will improve a bit more. Another person, also Trans and in a hard situation, not only agreed with buying a home, but kept telling me that my only really problematic feature is the nose, and getting that fixed would solve a lot of misgendering issues.
The bad part is that in order to include the rhinoplasty and trach shave in the SRS Trip to Thailand, I'm sort on 5000€. And it would take me one year to save them, that if I can find a job. Right now I'd accept anything, the only problem is that while I am still hired and in sick leave (for psychological issues), any month could be the last one and be fired any time. I sued the company because of illegal working conditions (Which caused my sick leave due to all mobbing), so I can't even ask them it they have a job for me. My attorney is sick and I don't know when will I see her to do the actual suing (they may offer some sort of arrangement, and if they can give me a new client, I'd drop the charges). But until them I just live in constant fear, studying on my own, sending job appliances I would not be able to accept even if I was offered them (very hard), and worrying if anything I am doing will actually solve things.
Just wanted to say it loud. People would tell me that it would have been better to go on with the surgery and live minimalistically off my savings until something good happens again, but I'm too afraid about reaching the end or the road, while anxiety and depression keeps grinding me. I am taking benzodiopamines again, but I can't take the antidepressants, since they mess my capacity to study. I also don't see my friends a lot, and whenever money is required for some activity, I always back away. I don't have the courage to see them...
As friendly and open minded as one year ago, huh?
Get a bit informed before saying "go get a job", when I spend 5 daily hours searching, preparing CVs and the rest of the time improving and recycling knowledge Not to mention trying to get the international cvs ready in order to flee the country ASAP. I am good at makeup, I always wear padded and I care for my body language. Still with that, It's not that I get misgendered, but that I am immediately read out as trans in the moment anybody gets to look at my face for more than 1 minute. Heck, I don't even know how I never got caught at the locker rooms at the gym.
I can honestly say that I can understand how you feel. I have been unemployed since July of last year, and my unemployment was terminated at the beginning of this year. If I don't find a job by the end of the month, I will most likely lose custody of my son. The not finding a job has nothing to do with not trying as I have applied for close to 1000 jobs in the past three weeks alone. I keep getting told that I am over qualified for almost all of the positions I apply for. I have actually toyed with the idea of prostitution or pornography.
I really hope things get better for you soon.
My "Are you crazy????" gut response stems from absolutely no details about this home purchase. You have a pile of cash, your friend has an income. The bank owns the house (mortgage). You have the most equity into it. If/When you need a Plan B, such as needing to liquidate that asset, where does that leave you?
In my first job out of college a much wiser and older engineer told me "Let them promise you anything but get it in writing". Advice I often wished I follow.
Quote from: JoanneB on January 18, 2014, 10:56:01 AM
My "Are you crazy????" gut response stems from absolutely no details about this home purchase. You have a pile of cash, your friend has an income. The bank owns the house (mortgage). You have the most equity into it. If/When you need a Plan B, such as needing to liquidate that asset, where does that leave you?
In my first job out of college a much wiser and older engineer told me "Let them promise you anything but get it in writing". Advice I often wished I follow.
I have talked about this with around 10 different persons, including a few of them that bought a home recently. Everybody keeps telling that it is the best moment for buying since people are so desperate to sell that prices are being constantly bargained (my landlord has literally dropped her pants to try and keep me renting this place). We have also agreed to selling the place and getting my part reimbursed if things fail. He will also be putting half of the initial pile of cash.
One month ago I had to pull my arse up to Prague for a job interview and test. Not funny being in a suit and tie again, but I am even sacrificing full time if that means finding something in my speciality. Just that I keep being told that I look to weird in a suit. What I got from that is that despite passing the exam, 6 years without time to study have left me in a pitiful state. Every day I'm trying to pull 6 hours studying until I can remember everything I should know.
My real real piss off is that this also kills my savings for College. I hoped that once I had a job again and was completely used to being a student again I could start a career. Anyways, back to installing this web server, The PHP part comes soon...
Just glad I'm still keeping the budget for SRS. Nowadays it seems to be my top priority.
It sounds like a tough choice, but I see why you made it. In the end, your physical well-being and meeting needs such as shelter should come first.
I believe you live in Spain where unemployment is extremely high, yes? Having somewhere safe and stable to live puts you in a stronger position for the future. When you do find employment you should find that you will be able to borrow against the mortgage asset for your surgery needs. Consider it a setback to your transition not a destruction of it.
Having a roof over your head is of greater importance than anything related to transition. That's just common sense. You do what you need to do to make sure that you are secure in that regard. If I were in your shoes and some schmuck gave me crap because I was using money from a GRS fund, or whatever to keep a damn roof over my head, I would tell them to stick it.
Quote from: caleb. on January 18, 2014, 11:25:40 AM
It sounds like a tough choice, but I see why you made it. In the end, your physical well-being and meeting needs such as shelter should come first.
I bit like that. Between transition, job, studying again and finding a place to live I can't even concentrate. My father just wants me to have a place to live and give me a bit of safety and stability. He has always seen a roof and a job as a top priority over everything else. Sadly, he is right. Being without a home scares me. Even if this stops transition, the home can generate benefits by renting it
Quote from: Ms Grace on January 18, 2014, 11:42:37 AM
I believe you live in Spain where unemployment is extremely high, yes? Having somewhere safe and stable to live puts you in a stronger position for the future. When you do find employment you should find that you will be able to borrow against the mortgage asset for your surgery needs. Consider it a setback to your transition not a destruction of it.
Roughly 26% of unemployed people, still the worst in the E.U. Job destruction has continued, and people will accept everything. I could be fired literally any time, but until then I can't apply for new jobs, even with worse conditions than the current one. So far I've tried searching on the national territory, but as soon as I have finished the English CVS I should start trying outside the country. But since I've been stuck in the same post for six year without being able to learn anything new, now I need to relearn everything. I could try to get new official formation, but I need a job first.
Heck, they told me that having 6 years of experience would help when they are people that haven't found a job 5 years after finishing their careers, but I still can't do anything. In the meantime my social life keeps degrading and I've become a complete loner again. My friends won't even count on me since that know I am always depressed.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 18, 2014, 11:46:27 AM
Having a roof over your head is of greater importance than anything related to transition. That's just common sense. You do what you need to do to make sure that you are secure in that regard. If I were in your shoes and some schmuck gave me crap because I was using money from a GRS fund, or whatever to keep a damn roof over my head, I would tell them to stick it.
The other answer I get is "He just wants you to detransition and keep you on a leash. Get all the surgery you can to improve your appearance and have more chances of getting a job by avoding the trans prejudice, and just live of your savings until you can find something"
Yeah, and then WHAT? What if the worst happens? Reaching that part scares me.
Quote from: AppleJack on January 18, 2014, 10:24:29 AM
People would tell me that it would have been better to go on with the surgery and live minimalistically off my savings...
Not at all. I think you definitely made the right decision.
Quote from: JS on January 18, 2014, 02:32:04 PM
Not at all. I think you definitely made the right decision.
I agree. Safety and security have to come first. You are on the right path and you will find happiness. Disappointment, delays and rejection do hurt but in a safe place you will survive and realise your dreams. Keep positive and believe in yourself.
Quote from: Gerri_2013 on January 18, 2014, 02:55:36 PM
I agree. Safety and security have to come first. You are on the right path and you will find happiness. Disappointment, delays and rejection do hurt but in a safe place you will survive and realise your dreams. Keep positive and believe in yourself.
Don't tell me about it... :'( Two weeks ago while embracing the estrogen after the Hormone Crash I was counting the months until SRS, Dreaming it could be normal, not being afraid... Just being finally over with this, and move away in life. The choice of having to wait again without know how long it will take me feels like being hit by Tyson.
Well, looks like my father's idea is not going according to plan. Finding a more or less cheap place to live that is decent at the same time not only is not easy, but nearly impossible. And since he is 55 (unless I have a new project and recover the bank won't tailor it for a young person) the mortgage won't be as soft as we believed.
So I'm again looking for the cheapest room in order to conserve money. I really don't know how things will unwind, but I'm afraid this does not mean I'm going back to the "full surgery plan". In the end, I have to accept that having a home is more important.
I am very sorry about your situation, but I believe your first priority must be survival. If you feel you might become suicidal, by all means continue the HRT, even low dose if necessary.
It is my hope the world economy will begin to pick up this year.
I am unsure what your job skillset comprises, but have you considered some sort of self-employment?
Forget about SRS. That's the last thing you need to think about. It changes little. It's no guarantee of success in life. It will not change the quality of life as much as FFS and anything else that contributes to helping you live life more stealthily and therefore finding better employment.
Quote from: Nicolette on January 20, 2014, 03:24:16 PM
Forget about SRS. That's the last thing you need to think about. It changes little. It's no guarantee of success in life. It will not change the quality of life as much as FFS and anything else that contributes to helping you live life more stealthily and therefore finding better employment.
Sorry, but I'm not discussing that one. Specially because the dick is messing my life even more than my face.
- Genital Dysphoria has become far too crippling
- SRS is "cheap" compared to how much FFS I would require.
Whatever I choose, the other thing will have to wait for multiple years, and I don't like the idea of having that thing hanging for more time, specially when I am counting the months until getting my SRS referral. If I were to wait a year hoping I can save 5000€ (really hard, and for the record, I don't like Lazaro Cardenas work), my options are:
- SRS + Rhinoplasty + Trach Shave
- Brow + Rhinoplasty + Trach Shave
And still missing the chin From what I was told on the VFFS, my major being the nose and brow. I could get improvements on nearly any other area (specially the brow ridge and hairline), but the big nose is what could set a big difference. It's true that presentation and aspect is valued a lot, but if there is no work anyways...
PS: The only way I would delay SRS is if I found a partner that could live with it, but even with that, I don't like the idea of keeping it. Two years since beggining HRT is the maximum I could stand it.
Hey there, I'm in a similar situation. I'm planning to buy a house in a month or few, and prioritizing it over my transition. I'm buying a dirt cheap house in the ghetto (where i'm from) so it should be paid off in 5 years max. All in my name though, so that's cool if I wanna bet against it in a 2nd mortgage down the road. I figure here in the US, if i can wait a few years until the new healthcare smoke blows away, then I'll be able to go forward with SRS with a clearer picture of how much $ i'll need to save.
I've been renting for over 10 years, it is really dumb in my city, where houses and living is so cheap. I could have bought a few houses by now. Instead, iIve spend my time fixing up slumlord houses, since they never fix anything. It's all good tho, and I can't wait to start fixing up my house. It's gong to be a lot of work, most of the houses have no plumbing, electric or HVAC. Luckily, I have the skills to do that, and the know how to do it on the DL.
I wish you the best with your plans. Hopefully here in a few years we can both look back at our choices, knowing that it all worked out.
more and more unhappy about this, absolutely worst idea. Remember, this is not about me buying a home: It's about buying 50/50 with my father. Which is not proving so good. The story so far:
- Most homes are complete disasters full of bad issues: Humidity in walls, low light, bad connections.... And then we find the good one: Price has been lowered, 5 minutes away from two metro stations, Exterior, kitchen and bathroom recently reformed, furnished,bigger than we were hoping and with a terrace. It's going to be a big fight since whoever gets the bank to lend the money first, wins the home.
So, here starts the crap:
- For starters, this is not 50/50. We will be splitting 50/50 the initial payment and the monthly mortgage fees, but all the costs from the bank, transferring the property, community will be going to my father.
- Since he will be paying more, and his name being there, the house is starting to be more of him than me. And that is starting to entitle him to put conditions:
1) To see the home and go to the bank, he is forcing me to present male. This is a extension of him non accepting me, never using my new name, and feeling like spit on the face every time we meet (he wont even look at my face if I am in full make up. He started taking advance about the "mutual respect" thing the therapists said and extending his tentacles. First it was "My home, my rules", and now he is extending it to "in front of him" because "He knows the guy and does not want to be shamed". He is ashaming me and making me feel like crap already. He ever does this again, I'll be putting a gigantic note in front.
2) He will always have a key. Of all the people in the world I'd like too have access to my life, they are the last ones
Then, he is still completely oblivious of what it means to me to ditch the surgery for who knows how long. No matter how I try to explain to him what if feels like, how many years it will take me, how this is going to affect both emotionally and to find a work, he can only think of "but weren't you worried about where were you going to go if you ran out of money for renting?"
He is voluntarily blind to anything I try to explain, and to him transition does not exist, or even presents a problem. He won't understand that a home won't fix the emotional pain I am going through and what it means to me having to wait without an specific date. Also, I can see that I don't trust them. Time softened things a bit, but my parents are still complete enemies to me that will never accept me or even try to understand. Just on yesterday's phone conversation I could hear my mother spitting venom and wanting to blow all of her teeth. That's how much I hate them and still wish they would not exist. Getting away from them was an effort to regain my sanity, and with this I will always be tied to the drama with persons hurting me constantly.
As far as surgeries go what about having a bilateral orchiectomy?
I do not know for sure but that should be enough for changing your gender on your personal documents. It should also cut down on costs for anti androgen medication as well as enhance feminization significantly. Yet another benefit for you would be a DRAMATIC decline in your sex drive since your saying your penis is bothering you so much. Yet benefit is it is extremely cheap especially compared to GRS and FFS.
So how about getting that done instead of GRS just for now?
Quote from: l0nghairdontcare on February 01, 2014, 02:52:36 PM
As far as surgeries go what about having a bilateral orchiectomy?
I do not know for sure but that should be enough for changing your gender on your personal documents. It should also cut down on costs for anti androgen medication as well as enhance feminization significantly. Yet another benefit for you would be a DRAMATIC decline in your sex drive since your saying your penis is bothering you so much. Yet benefit is it is extremely cheap especially compared to GRS and FFS.
So how about getting that done instead of GRS just for now?
Nope. I am not bothering with an orchiectomy if I am doing SRS with Chett. My libido is already at good levels now that I have adjusted to androcur, and what bothers me is the penis itself. Heck, in fact, my libido has never been better. I can get horny but I get no random boners, and I can have erections on demand to avoid atrophy. I talked with the doctors yesterday and they see me as fit for HRT, just needing to reach the year on HRT.
Anyways, to answer it:
- Voluntary Orchiectomy in Spain: 4500-5000€. Not covered by Social Security. Requirements unknown
- Chettawutt standard SRS: 7500€
As you can see... it is not worth it.
The story is near its end...
We found a near perfect home, with minimal repairs to start living. Still, I can't stop feeling more bittersweet than sad. Yeah, FFS gets delayed for some time, but I will have an almost great place to live that will be far more cheaper than renting and in the long rung it will allow me to save more. I am sad since I am saying goodbye to my "perfect and fast physical transition", but also welcoming the safety of having a roof of my own in a place I can customize to my likes without having to fight with a landlord. I will talk more about the home project, but outside of this thread.
Lost it. 11 owners and one does not want to sell.
Now I have another one 30.000€ cheaper than our maximum budget
Cons:
- ugly as sin area
- no beautiful views. In fact I will need curtains to prevent people from pother buildings to see.
-4th floor, no lift. Not a great reselling value. Possibly 50 years old
Pros:
- Great kitchen with zero maintenance
- Good windows
- No fixes required. Fully ready for living
Super pros:
- small mortgage, and smaller initial payment, so I have enough money for adding what I was missing for partial FFS.
Quote from: AppleJack on February 24, 2014, 12:29:36 PM
Now I have another one 30.000€ cheaper than our maximum budget
Cons:
- ugly as sin area
- no beautiful views. In fact I will need curtains to prevent people from pother buildings to see.
-4th floor, no lift. Not a great reselling value. Possibly 50 years old
Pros:
- Great kitchen with zero maintenance
- Good windows
- No fixes required. Fully ready for living
Super pros:
- small mortgage, and smaller initial payment, so I have enough money for adding what I was missing for partial FFS.
That sounds like a good one. I would say that the pros outweigh the cons in this case.
As with most things there are always trade offs but you seem to have made a choice which provides you with shelter and security without delaying FFS. Sounds like a great outcome and a win - win. Well done.
Not everything is perfect with the place. It has its fair share of issues:
- The floor: Every room except for the kitchen and bathroom has fitted carpet, which will prove to be a monstrosity to clean.
- The windows: made of Elondo Wood, a material that requires maintenance coating every two years. Since the place has not been used for years, I would have to sand them down and give a coat of varnish, but beats replacing them completely
- Electricity: Not a single power socket but those in the kitchen is compatible with current schuko plugs, so I will have to replace them
- General ugliness: Despite having a very decent distribution and good sized rooms, it feels like stripped of everything. It comes furnished, but the furniture is a mixture of OK things and ugly as hell ones. Some can be used, others have to go. I probably can bring a bit of life over time, but right now.. oh, and wallpaper. I HATE WALLPAPER.
- The kitchen. It is mounted perfectly and it even uses granite, but the washing machine would be replaced in a future.
- Extras: None. No views, no terrace or balcony, no storage. External clothes hanger, and since they are building close to it, I'd have to dry inside until they finish.
Apart from that, forget about renting rooms. Although the street it is located in is extra ugly (and uphill, not flat terrain), the facade has been repaired and looks pristine compared with the rest), it is 250 meters away from the "pretty" part of the city (the absolute center). Only concerns would be hauling my 20 kg bike across 4 floors (I'd have to get a lighter one), walking down the stairs with heels... and wondering about when I come back from SRS. I'd need somebody to bring my suitcase.
http://www.idealista.com/inmueble/27201635/
http://www.idealista.com/inmueble/1998239/
Quote from: Aisla on February 24, 2014, 01:37:48 PM
As with most things there are always trade offs but you seem to have made a choice which provides you with shelter and security without delaying FFS. Sounds like a great outcome and a win - win. Well done.
Basically I save 5000€, which solves the minimum FFS money issue (nose and adam's apple). Still missing money for the big issues such as the brow ridge, but still better than before.
As with most things there are always trade offs but you seem to have made a choice which provides you with shelter and security without delaying FFS. Sounds like a great outcome and a win - win. Well done.
YOU + ???? - CLOTHES - DIGNITY = $$$
worked ok for me for a while :)
Well done. You have made considerable progress and seem to be in a much better place (pardon the pun)
Aisla
Quote from: Aisla on February 24, 2014, 02:08:59 PM
Well done. You have made considerable progress and seem to be in a much better place (pardon the pun)
Aisla
That's the other weird deal: It is not located in the capital (uncool), but in sestao, not even the adjacent city. Is a really lively town, particularly folkloric, with lots of green areas. The problem is that I feel no connection or anything to that city (Like I should not even be there). Heck. I studied there for years. I met my first friends since the high school fiasco. I would be the third generation in my family to live there. It's like being sucked back into the womb.
Anyways, if now places without a lift are allowed, I'm searching in Bilbao again. This city calls me.
I hated buying a house and I felt really sick the day later of what I did and what I have to do with it. I spent a lot of money on it that I dont want to spend anything more on it for now. I am glad you did something that is reasonable for you.
The bad and good things amount to tah if I take this home:
Good: More transition money. I'd have 5.000€ available right now and monthly payments would also be dirt cheap. This place would not cripple transition that much
Bad: In a future, it can mean massive expenses if they decide to install an elevator, and without it it will be very hard to sell in case I need to move. a 4th (5th for the US) is a bad height for selling)
In the short term for transition, it's the best choice, plus another one I',m checking that may have a trick. The sooner I move, the more money I'd save.
Bear in mind that I'm not in Spain but remember:
Service charges for flats
Moving charges - legal fees, taxes, estate agents
Repair costs will always be more than you think.
Are you certain that you're not going to be moving for many years?
What do you think will happen to interest rates? (answer- no-one knows but they are not likely to go down)
Will house prices increase? If not there is not much advantage to owning.
Is this still 50/50 with your father? That worries me and will likely lead to future conflict.
Personally I'd say if you can manage renting, stick with it and stay flexible