I've been noticing a lot lately whenever i pass by a picture of an androgynous male or guy who's freely feminine/non conforming (like David Bowie), i go into these phases of thinking i'm making some sort of mistake. Maybe it's the artist in me but I feel like this at times and then when the feeling starts to get worse something eventually comes over me to reassure myself that i am a girl. I guess since I'm in my earlier stages of transition that explains what's happening. However a Part of me is still thinking "what if" but in the long run, i couldn't see myself living 100% happy as a male. Even now thinking about myself as an androgynous male just feels incomplete or like i'm put into a box and something i would regret when i get older. While transitioning even though it feels very out of my comfort zone at times and sometimes "forced" in a way, it still feels more organic and like the next step or evolution into being myself if that makes any sense. I guess maybe since i've been living as a fake version of me for so long it easier and more comfortable to get back into those habits and feelings even though they don't make me happy. It almost feels like i'm losing myself and slowly the old version of me is try to take over my life again.
Yeah , it's no big deal. Do you walk by dudebros and be all into being like them?
I think it's easy to he flamboyant if it's a show or exaggerated personality. Bowe, Cooper and all them didn't keep it up forever. I do have a crush on Gerard Way though.
Transition isn't an easy or quick journey, that's for sure. And it will take you time to really sort out your core gender expression. If andro is your thing don't forget that there are also women who present in non conformist ways. Being female doesn't have to mean being all girly girl... :)
I've been transitioning for over a year now and I've been telling myself that one of these days I'm going to go out in guy mode just to see how it feels. But I just can't seem to do it! I'm not even sure I could pull it off at this point.
Lately I've had this vision of myself as a very androgynous person who can switch between male/female when the need arises. Its my brain's way of creating a safety zone. Maybe I'm still a little scared that I won't pass enough to be stealth or I'll never have enough money to transition completely.
Whatever it is, it goes away. Those moments of doubt never last very long for me before I'm overcome with that inner peace and happiness about who I am. And I love being a girl! :) I love it so much I thank God in my prayers for the chance to be who I really am!