Just curious if any one socializes much as they progress in transition. I live by a university and just basically socialize by sitting in coffee houses where the students study. I guess that's the extent of my social life. I'm 4 months in and you can see changes. I've lived in the same place for 12 years . Students are usally around for at least 4 years. I've gotten to know some students I know I get inquisitive looks from people I've seen around for a year or two. Just wondering if your aware of people around you noticing your changes.
I m only making sure that after Im done with transition I ll still have my friends and family ...
so far so good , most days im alone except on weekends and when I go to classes I have like 1-2 people to speak too...
people who dont know im transitioning consider me to be an emo gay feminine guy or whatever...so coming out and starting ft when I want would be a lot easier.
yea friends and family very important
I've definitely isolated myself, and it's pretty bad...
But a few people around me do notice changes. There's one Subway I go to and the guy first saw me early into transition...and definitely thought I was a woman...but now he doesn't seem to know what he thinks anymore.
Frankly, I became way, way more social once I started transitioning. The first part was terrifying and I didn't go out all that much but having to be an active member of my workplace helped and gave me an avenue into derby, which turned my social life on its ear and thus, I began the crazy 'all-social-all-the-time' phase of my life. I generally go out 4-5 times a week with friends or derby peeps.
Quote from: birkin on January 30, 2014, 03:30:17 PM
I've definitely isolated myself, and it's pretty bad...
But a few people around me do notice changes. There's one Subway I go to and the guy first saw me early into transition...and definitely thought I was a woman...but now he doesn't seem to know what he thinks anymore.
yea, I get weird remarks some times from people I've seen around. They're not mean or bad remarks. This one girl that I see all the time , but don't know was talking to her girl friend as she went by me and said some thing like she wants to were our clothes. I didn't take offense at it because it's true , especially when I go completely male fail..
Since I came out i've lost all but one friend, i've made two new friends who support me so my social group is quite small.
the only other socializing I do is with a support group for the homeless, the group is only in the planning stages right now but they seem to accept me for who I am, we meet once a week but I don't yet feel that I could call them friends, they're just people I sit in a room with for 2hrs a week.
I'm more sociable, (I can actually talk to people where I couldn't do that before) but it hasn't lead to forming any friendships. The only people I see are other family members. I tend to just hang out by myself and do my thing. It's no big deal.
When I decided it was time to be me I lost all friends except maybe 2 or 3. Than I gained some during and lost some as well. All in all atm I think I have 5 maybe 6 real friends the rest are just people I chat with occasionally.
Wouldn't have made it through without my friends. I had a few that stuck by me (though didn't much want to be involved).
Heck yeah I'm socializing as I'm transitioning! I'm far more social now than I was before and there is no time like the present to get out there and make friends and do stuff. I actually had to buy a big wall calendar to help me keep up with everything lol.....
I have become a social nuclear device! I am having fun now and doing so much more than before I started to transition. I have actually been told I should have transitioned years ago as I am more fun to be around and not a buzz kill. So far people I know have been accepting and tolerant and are just thrilled that I am living life for once and trying new things. If I had known this would be so easy I would not have delayed so long. I used to work my shifts, go home and relive the trauma and misery. Now I don't worry about saving the universe, sleep at least 8 hours a night and have met so many new people. I feel, well, ALIVE!!! :laugh:
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 30, 2014, 07:03:52 PM
I have become a social nuclear device! I am having fun now and doing so much more than before I started to transition. I have actually been told I should have transitioned years ago as I am more fun to be around and not a buzz kill. So far people I know have been accepting and tolerant and are just thrilled that I am living life for once and trying new things. If I had known this would be so easy I would not have delayed so long. I used to work my shifts, go home and relive the trauma and misery. Now I don't worry about saving the universe, sleep at least 8 hours a night and have met so many new people. I feel, well, ALIVE!!! :laugh:
congratulations
I have been socializing to some extent as I transition. Mainly it with people at work, as I've never been one to go out much. I more prefer to curl up with a good book or tv show. I used to think "why do I even want to bother with socializing, its not important and just a waste of time". Of course it is important, and I have found that out since putting myself out there more about 5mo ago. There are a couple of people at work who have figured out what I'm doing, but everyone else there either thinks I'm gay and hasn't directly asked me (hurray for sonar ears), or can't quite put their finger on whats going on even though they recognize something is.
As far as friends go I only have two and haven't spoken with them since July. Mainly my fault due to some weird dynamic in their family explained to me once by one of their younger sisters. Basically I set myself up as the "initiator, aggressor, doer" whatever you may call it, so they don't contact me unless I contact them first. I'm expecting we'll keep in touch. They both come from a very open Mennonite background.
Since starting transitioning I also have felt a lot more comfortable in public for some reason. I'm not quite sure if its an effect of the hormones, or if I subconsciously was holding a lot of things in regards to social behavior back. Well more that I had reasoned throughout the years anyway.
Um nope, the closest I get is occasionally going to my friend's place and hang out there sometimes stay over, sometimes we'll meet up at the local shopping centre and kill time or they will come here but otherwise nope i do not socialise but that was how I was before I came out let alone started transitioning.
I'm glad you asked this. I don't socialize as much as I did in the past, except with close friends--those I am out to. Honestly, the more I get into the transition, the more difficult and tiring putting up the "male mask" becomes. I don't look forward to social settings much now at all. I will, but right now I avoid them. Scout meetings and functions (I have a 14 year old son) are the worst.
Work is different. While I'm not out at work, I feel like I can be myself. Not sure if that makes sense or not.
Jane
I, too, am much more sociable than I was before. Putting up a fake front 24/7 for all those years was really exhausting. Not having to worry about pseudo-macho overcompensating all the time is a major relief. I can't believe how much energy I wasted all those years trying to be just another a*hole. I definitely shut myself out of a lot of potentially fun things because of the perceived need to keep up a front.
I left all of my good friends back in Ohio, unfortunately, and really haven't found anyone new yet. And transition is just complicating it even more, because I still don't look female enough to really start going out socially as a girl except among other trans people, and yet I just don't feel comfortable explaining to completely anonymous strangers that I'm trans as soon as I meet them just in order to avoid being seen as a normal guy by them, so really I just kind of end up avoiding people. I've pretty much just been locked up in my room alone for the last two months straight, waiting for the transition fairy to make me more passable so that I can finally start a new social life where I'm not constantly misgendered and treated like a guy, which I honestly can't stand anymore.
^Somewhere around 95% of the people I meet are still gendering me male. I've maybe been gendered female a grand total of about 4 times. So no. Hard truth, I'm not passable yet.
I socialized more in transition than now.I drank a lot then,now I have very little tolerance to alcohol. I've also grown to dislike the bar and club scene,I also work every weekend.I don't miss it,the thought of socializing gives me terrible anxiety with stomach knots and having to use the toilet(TMI sorry!)
That would be a no for me, I've become somewhat of a recluse. I don't really feel like getting close to anyone I'm just not comfortable being in the early inbetween stages. I cut off all friends and really only deal with my mother. It get's lonely but I can't be around people in that way until I'm far enough along where I', comfortable.
My post got eaten (hate that) try again.
Transition is an ideal time to start new stuff, join new clubs, amateur theater, art, anything you have an interest in. Lots of other lonely people there who want to meet interesting people. Everyone is lonely, our new lives are a time to face that and start a new life.
I hated it ( I loved hiding in my little shoebox, where I was safe), but I forced myself, and suddenly I had friends. People who wanted to meet me, they didn't care that I looked like a guy in a dress and a voice of a Liverpudlian fog horn. They wanted to meet other lonely people. They sure as hell met one. They opened to me and through my terrors I opened to them.
And now? I have friends that I trust, they know the raw me. The ones who wanted to be friends accepted me warts and all.
And I carry a sack full of warts.
I've noticed I've become more social & actually craving social environments since starting HRT / coming out (did both at the same time; excl. work). I doubt it's hormone related, but I'm certainly feeling more comfortable with myself.
Quote from: Cindy on January 31, 2014, 02:05:52 AM
Transition is an ideal time to start new stuff, join new clubs, amateur theater, art, anything you have an interest in. Lots of other lonely people there who want to meet interesting people. Everyone is lonely, our new lives are a time to face that and start a new life.
I hated it ( I loved hiding in my little shoebox, where I was safe), but I forced myself, and suddenly I had friends.
Well said Cindy.
I know that I didn't want to transition just to settle back into the old, dull, drab way I'd been living.
Quote from: Cindy on January 31, 2014, 02:05:52 AM
My post got eaten (hate that) try again.
Transition is an ideal time to start new stuff, join new clubs, amateur theater, art, anything you have an interest in. Lots of other lonely people there who want to meet interesting people. Everyone is lonely, our new lives are a time to face that and start a new life.
I hated it ( I loved hiding in my little shoebox, where I was safe), but I forced myself, and suddenly I had friends. People who wanted to meet me, they didn't care that I looked like a guy in a dress and a voice of a Liverpudlian fog horn. They wanted to meet other lonely people. They sure as hell met one. They opened to me and through my terrors I opened to them.
And now? I have friends that I trust, they know the raw me. The ones who wanted to be friends accepted me warts and all.
And I carry a sack full of warts.
My posts get eaten all the time. The site waits for me to write a very lengthy post and snatches it, I'm out all the time , but most my time is spent on the computer in a coffee house. I have met a lot of people this way. It kind of helps me transition because as I slowly change I can see peoples reactions. so far so good , nothing terrible has happened . The only thing so far that is awkward is trying to hide my polished nails from people I know that don't know I'm transitioning, and also my breasts sticking out.
thanks it gets very annoying
well for me pretransition is a mere fog of a memory I was a total isolationist and drunk, who never left my boundies. I am back to attending church on sundays, have a standing saturday luncheon with the girls. do not do much clubing as am still avoiding booze maybe after sugery I will be confident and will try some night outings but for nnow much more social but mainly day light stuff.
Jerri
I have been living full time for four months now and I am actually quite surprised at how much I have been socializing. I thought for sure that when I started down this path that I would lock myself away in my apartment for six months and have no interaction with the outside world. That hasn't been the case at all. I've lost touch with a couple of people but have become closer to others since coming out of the closet and starting transition.
I had always been social in spite of feeling terribly lonely. But as far as transition, I feel like my unique living situation (5 bro- dude, but still artsy type roommates) forced me to continue being social. When my bell went off summer '12, I really fell into a spin where I just totally withdrew from the world, even if I was surrounded by my friends. But they persisted to include me in whatever they were doing, and I'll be forever thankful they did. It took a little while, but now I'm turning back into the bouncy, excited person I've always been inside!
And Cindy, I love you every time you post, and the words you use are most insightful, whether here or on any forum.