Ok, so, this is gonna be a somewhat big post.
First off, have some good news from my household. My wife and I finally came to a compromise (of course, I was the one holding out...). I won't be transitioning, but she is allowing me to be me. Sometimes I'm going to have to go androgynous, and if necessary, male. At work, I will be male (not able to grow my hair out, but it doesn't grow well anyway. According to the government, I'm male.
I'm rather excited honestly. It'll be hard without hormones, but there's a lot of benefits. I get to keep my family. I get to be out sooner (to most people). I get to go out in public with my wife, my friends, my family, all as myself. Granted, it's going to take some time with certain people, but I'm sure they'll get there. My wife gets both parts of me (there was a joke about having a threesome, but I don't know how I'd pull that off...).
She's very open to a lot of things, but just didn't want me to go through full transition. Add to that the fact that she said she might be open to it later, I guess I'm getting a pretty good deal after all.
With that, I have a few concerns. I was wondering if anyone else has done something similar (not transitioning, but going out as female), and gotten a carry letter. I emailed my therapist last night asking about getting one for when I'm out, but she responded saying that I would have to continue on the track of transitioning with hormones. So, is there a way to get a carry letter, saying you are transgender, without transitioning?
On another note, I'm average size down there, but I'm worried about getting erections while out as Chelsea. I want to tuck, and I'm thinking duct tape will probably be best. Does it handle erections well, or does anyone have extra recommendations?
Thanks a lot! So happy our life is starting to come together again.
Hi Chelsea and congratulations on your breakthrough.
You might want to look into a gaff for hiding your male parts while out and about.
http://www.amazon.com/LoveFifi-Mens-Transformation-Gaff/dp/B00APTYWXC/ref=pd_ys_sf_s_1036592_a2_1_p?ie=UTF8&refRID=0MQSBT1GYE5C2783C9SB
As a medic please don't use duct tape, at least unless you want a cheap SRS. The adhesive is way to strong for that rather delicate area. You will do serious damage. Use a gaff instead.
My therapist will not give anyone a carry letter without being on HRT and planning for transitional surgery. It just leaves them open to liability of all kinds. Letters are serious business and hold the fate of the therapist with them. They only want people who need to use their gender appropriate female area's as a daily necessity. I don't think there is any way a therapist will give a letter to anyone not on HRT or planning SRS. :)
This varies from country to country. In Australia you can live as the gender you identify as regardless of therapy. Obviously presenting as your gender in public can prevent social issues. For example a male presenting person using the female toilet saying that they identify as female may cause problems. A male looking person presenting as female has no issues using a female designated toilet unless they commit a crime, which is how it should be.
To change your passport and legal documents you need a name change and a letter from your psychiatrist saying that you identify as the gender and have been assessed by a registered therapist, the nature of that treatment is not specified, just that you identify as female (in the case of this discussion).
But as ever law varies between countries and you need to be aware of the law in your area.
Very interesting. I'm glad that someone brought this up. A month ago I was discussing this with my therapist, and he drew a blank on me about it. Thanks for the information Jessica. I'll let him know what you've said. But as of lately, because I am passable, I've had no other problems with going in and using the ladies room in shopping malls. The only problem I had was with my church, because everyone knew me, and I really doubt that they were going to press any charges on me. ;D But as said, I've had no problems else where. :) Since my psychiatrist has diagnosed me as having GID, I may discuss this with him when I see him later this month.
The rules and laws do vary from country to country and within the United States from state to state. I would imagine that unless your jurisdiction has very strict rules about these sorts of things, the comfort level of the therapist writing such a letter will vary from therapist to therapist.
Have you researched what steps need to be taken to change your name and gender legally in your state?
I live in California. To change one's gender in California all a person needs is a letter from a licensed medical doctor stating that they have undergone "appropriate clinical treatment" to transition from one gender to another. That letter gets submitted with the paperwork to change the name.
I obtained a letter the day I first had my blood drawn to be evaluated for HRT. I submitted that letter along with my other paperwork and carry a copy in my purse just in case anyone says anything about me using a women's restroom. Thus far I have had zero issues.
No, I'm not changing my legal gender either, or my name.
Thank you for the info on the duct tape by the way. I was confused at first at what you meant by cheap SRS, but I got the idea now.
Ok. So if I use a woman's bathroom? Granted I'd make every attempt not to.
Quote from: ChelseaAnn on February 04, 2014, 12:14:42 AM
Ok. So if I use a woman's bathroom? Granted I'd make every attempt not to.
Without a carry letter and a serious commitment to transition I would not advise using the woman's restroom or locker facility. You would have no legal backing and could end up in serious trouble. :)
Quote from: Gina Taylor on February 03, 2014, 10:31:26 AM
Very interesting. I'm glad that someone brought this up. A month ago I was discussing this with my therapist, and he drew a blank on me about it. Thanks for the information Jessica. I'll let him know what you've said. But as of lately, because I am passable, I've had no other problems with going in and using the ladies room in shopping malls. The only problem I had was with my church, because everyone knew me, and I really doubt that they were going to press any charges on me. ;D But as said, I've had no problems else where. :) Since my psychiatrist has diagnosed me as having GID, I may discuss this with him when I see him later this month.
Hi Gina. My carry letter also warns the reader that disclosing the contents or outing me as trans is a violation of medical privacy and is prosecutable under several different laws here. Great protection for me. :)
Man that sucks :(
If I really need to use it, I suppose I could have a girlfriend check to make sure it's empty. I'll start locating gender neutral bathrooms in my area just to be safe. I know our nearest walmart has one.
Another option: do you suppose it's risky to go into a one-person women's restroom, like what fast food chains have? Since there isn't really an opportunity to "peep" as the paranoid misunderstanders would call it.
That would be better, but you could still get into legal trouble though. They might try to say you were waiting on someone to be with. You should really ask a therapist with experience in gender issue's and check your state or countries laws. Are you seeing a therapist for your questions? If not please give serious thought to doing this. :) Please protect yourself, not everyone is accepting of trans related issue's, as you know.
Sorry baby I had a blonde moment about the therapist and see you do have one. ::) If they will not give you a letter you definitely have no legal reason to use the female facilities. You will get into trouble either way. I mean if a therapist will not give you one, you need to use the facilities for your legal gender, sorry. :)
Jordan, I'd hate to say it, but just drop it. Your matter of opinion is based on your own experience, and no longer helpful.
Jessica, I suppose I'm stuck with that. I guess it's not a big deal, just worried about being kicked out of both bathrooms... I'd rather have to explain to security than walk into a male bathroom as a girl. That's not very realistic though. I think I'll do some searching and see if there's a therapist who will give me a letter without transition. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky.
And, as Cindy said, it is easier for a male dressing female to go into a female restroom than the other way around. I will just see where being out takes me.
Quote from: ChelseaAnn on February 02, 2014, 11:58:48 AM
With that, I have a few concerns. I was wondering if anyone else has done something similar (not transitioning, but going out as female), and gotten a carry letter. I emailed my therapist last night asking about getting one for when I'm out, but she responded saying that I would have to continue on the track of transitioning with hormones. So, is there a way to get a carry letter, saying you are transgender, without transitioning?
...
Thanks a lot! So happy our life is starting to come together again.
Yes, absolutely I have a carry letter, my gender counselor was more than happy to give it to me. I'm not going thru legal transition. What on Earth is your counselor's rational for leaving you more vulnerable while presenting female in public?
You should have a carry letter.
BTW, congrats on finding a nice compromise with your wife! :)
Quote from: JordanBlue on February 04, 2014, 11:27:13 AM
No, it doesn't suck. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want a carry letter, transition with HRT like your therapist said.
Look, I'll be honest with you, ok?
First let me ask, has your therapist diagnosed you with GID?
If so, and you are indeed a transsexual, you will eventually have to transition with hormones. Sure, you can put it off for awhile depending on the severity of your GID. This 'best of both worlds' thing may be working for you now, but it will eventually bite you in the ass. You can trust me on that.
Not everyone is able to or chooses to transition with hormones. Even then, we all end up at different places. We should all be free to live according to our expressed gender identity without external requirements on how that be done, and celebrate our diversity. Congratulations on the situation with your wife, ChelseaAnn. :)
Thank you Orihime and Nikko.
Nikko, I will have to probably look for a different therapist. Additionally, it isn't her fault. I had been on the path to transition, but took a break so my wife and I could have a second child.
Thanks for agreeing Orihime. I guess some people are experts. And some think they are. I am happy to not have lost my wife and son to divorce, and I was finally able to see what I would be losing: someone who cares very much for me regardless of my transgender status, and a son I love very much.
Quote from: Orihime on February 04, 2014, 03:22:02 PM
Not everyone is able to or chooses to transition with hormones. Even then, we all end up at different places. We should all be free to live according to our expressed gender identity without external requirements on how that be done, and celebrate our diversity. Congratulations on the situation with your wife, ChelseaAnn. :)
got it. ;)
Quote from: ChelseaAnn on February 04, 2014, 03:28:12 PM
Thank you Orihime and Nikko.
Nikko, I will have to probably look for a different therapist. Additionally, it isn't her fault. I had been on the path to transition, but took a break so my wife and I could have a second child.
Thanks for agreeing Orihime. I guess some people are experts. And some think they are. I am happy to not have lost my wife and son to divorce, and I was finally able to see what I would be losing: someone who cares very much for me regardless of my transgender status, and a son I love very much.
Double congrats! I think you made a wise choice
Grasshopper... :) (couldn't resist, how often do we get to work in some 'Kung Fu' lingo?? :D)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 04, 2014, 12:23:38 AM
Hi Gina. My carry letter also warns the reader that disclosing the contents or outing me as trans is a violation of medical privacy and is prosecutable under several different laws here. Great protection for me. :)
Thanks for the info, Jessica. :) I see what you mean, and that is such a
BIG bonus on your part.
Quote from: ChelseaAnn on February 04, 2014, 03:28:12 PMI guess some people are experts. And some think they are.
I hope you weren't referring to me with that one. ??? I am just trying to give you some protective advice, that's all. I am a Reserve Deputy Sheriff and have had to deal with this issue occasionally from the other side and know how messy it can get. Yes, people should be able to live like they want and be who they really are, Orihime got that spot on. Unfortunately we still live in a very litigious society and people are out for a quick payday even if it is at our expense and is totally unfair to our way of life. I just want ALL of us here to be as protected as we can so no harm befalls us ever. I never want to see any of my brothers and sisters here to go without simple protection under the law. To me having a carry letter available and legal is like car insurance. It is nice to have if you are ever in a wreck. :)
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 02, 2014, 11:26:01 PM
As a medic please don't use duct tape, at least unless you want a cheap SRS. The adhesive is way to strong for that rather delicate area. You will do serious damage. Use a gaff instead.
My therapist will not give anyone a carry letter without being on HRT and planning for transitional surgery. It just leaves them open to liability of all kinds. Letters are serious business and hold the fate of the therapist with them. They only want people who need to use their gender appropriate female area's as a daily necessity. I don't think there is any way a therapist will give a letter to anyone not on HRT or planning SRS. :)
Duct tape!? Oh hellllll no! (For many reasons...) If you must tape, use 3M Durapore surgical tape in a 2 or 3 inch width. If I wear cute undies with little umm, support, then this is the way I'll go. I take a 6 inch length, put a 2 inch slit down the middle and tape the tuck in place. If I have to pee, then the head goes through the slit.
No Jessica, I wasn't.