I am a divorced mtf transgender l. I am prehrt. I have the letter and an appointment with an endo for later this month. Does anyone have any recommendations on telling children? I am very close with my daughters age 10 and 11. I am taking my time with my transition. I already wear some womens clothing around them. Items like jeans and blouses that don't scream womens. My ex knows about my transsition and we remain good friends. I dont want to embarres my girls nor do I want my transition to have serious negative effects on them. They both do well in school and have shown no negative effects of my divorce. I have some time before the effects of hrt are obvious. I am trying to plan this out. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Quote from: danielle28 on February 02, 2014, 06:50:50 PM
I am a divorced mtf transgender l. I am prehrt. I have the letter and an appointment with an endo for later this month. Does anyone have any recommendations on telling children? I am very close with my daughters age 10 and 11. I am taking my time with my transition. I already wear some womens clothing around them. Items like jeans and blouses that don't scream womens. My ex knows about my transsition and we remain good friends. I dont want to embarres my girls nor do I want my transition to have serious negative effects on them. They both do well in school and have shown no negative effects of my divorce. I have some time before the effects of hrt are obvious. I am trying to plan this out. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I started my transition when my girls where 13 and 15.
The good news is that girls like to talk and talk and talk, and are very in-tune with other peoples feelings and emotions.
My main advice -up front- is to constantly reassure them that no matter what you are always going to be there for them as their father. I was once told my older girl, when we were in a place she did not felt secure, listen girl: "just because I am wearing a dress does not means I cannot kick their arses." She then -said with wide eyes- I guess you are a she-daddy"
I never call myself a mom, but I told them in plain English that I was and always have been a female, and yet their dad. Yet, now after all these year, they call me mom!
So, be yourself, be real, be kind (including yourself). Tell them how you feel, share with them your fears and dreams. Do not become self absorb, get involved in their lives, do things with them, love them and hug them, have fun.
all the best,
P
My kids were older when I started all this, 14 and 16. But I think 10 and 11 are not too young to understand.
"Some people are born with a brain that wants them to be a different sex from the one they were born with. I'm one of those people. It will be very hard for me to be happy unless I start dressing and acting like a woman. Understand that I still love you and I'll always be your parent."
I'm closer to my daughter than ever.
Good luck Danielle. A lot of people find that dealing with their kids is much easier than dealing with the adults in their lives.
Your story sounds poignant to me. Divorce and transition: a kind of double whammy.
To my little daughter at age 9, my crossdressing and wearing makeup is just a target of her fun. When I come back home, she scrutinize my appearance, and sometimes touch my chest to check whether I wear bra or not. Then she shouts about everything she notice. "Dady, you should not do girly things. I told you before, didn't I. You got it?"
My wife educates her well about gender diversity and my desire of self-expression. If somebody tries to criticize my crossdressing, then she defends me well. "There are girly men and also manly women in the world. What's the matter with my dad?".
After our marriage, I once lived alone for 1 year, separated from my family. Then, all headaches of a typical family broke out. My son refused to go to school and hated her mom. My daughter was not happy, as nobody defended her at home. After reunited, then all of those problems just disappeared. I realized how much important having both dad and mom for the growth of kids.
My wife sometimes jokingly calls me "pretty dad" in Korean.
Kids are resilient and flexible. My two sons accept my crossdressing very well, although the younger one sometimes complains on it. They think and learn no less than adults.
In my case, I do not have any plan of transition. I just want to stay as nice dad to my kids.
barbie~~
thank you all for the advice.I was very fortunate to have an amicable divorce.I am now able to concentrate on my transition.I am excited to be at this point in my life.I'm excited to be able to take off the masks that I wore for so many years to be me for the first time. If anyone else has advice I welcome it thank you
I am a fulltime single parent with two children, aged 7 (daughter) and 9 (son). I have been talking to them about things for over a month or two gradually introducing new concepts and aspects of who I am currently and who I want to be in the future. I will not lie I was petrified but slowly and surely I have been able to tell them. I started by telling them my brain was different from other boys and it gets sad sometimes. Then I left it at that for a few days. I mentioned to my daughter her dress was nice and I liked the colour pink, yellow and cobalt blue. she giggled at the pink at first, but I explained I like it and my brain loves it. With my son I spoke to him about DV and something else one day and I said if I was a girl would you get upset if a man hit me. He stated he would be mad etc.
Overtime I kept referring to how my brain was different to other boys and then I introduced youtube videos a few days ago that spoke about diversity, sexual preferences (just about a kid who has two dads and his life) and gender (MTF). I got them to talk about it and made it self guided (by them) allowing them to openly ask questions and vice versa. That night they spoke to me about it. I wrote about it on a separate link. (just skip towards the end of the page to see what happened)
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,158351.20.html
I guess at the core of it, its about doing to slowly and letting them express their ideas, concerns and perception of things. Then allowing them to turn the next page of the book with you. In this manner (for me at least) they are part of it every step of the way, and feel they have a say.
I have started taking it slow with them. They have been doing ok. I agree with time it will ok. I will keep everyone posted
Good luck :)