Last night my mom called me and told me that she had heard that I had gotten a job. She then wanted to know if I was going to be working as a man or a woman. I told her as a woman, and she got upset with me; telling me that I had no respect for the family and I was being selfish.
She thinks I'm delusional because I know that I'm passable. In a population of 141,000 people, she tells me that most people that know me from my 'male life' can tell. I told her so what. This is the life I'm living now. I tried to tell her about others, but she is only concerned about me. So we ended it that she'll never accept me as a woman and so I feel that I have been disowned from my immediate family. Even though my psychiatrist has told her that I do suffer from GID and my therapist feels that because of the brain damage and then hormones and puberty between the ages of 10-14 that this may have culminated the effects of GID, she is not willing to accept it.
So sorry to hear, sweetie. It's really ironic that she calls you "selfish". And to turn it around and make it about her is really pathetic.
Your life, your rules.
Maybe some extended alone time is what she needs to make her process this.
I am so sorry to hear that. I pray that things get better for you as time goes on. Maybe she should seek her own counceling. It almost sounds to me that she is taking you GID and transition like a personal attack on her. Best of luck Hun.
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: Here is one for each day of the week sis! So sorry this is happening. :'(
-hug-
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I know how you must be feeling. I'm terrified that because my mother keeps saying she won't accept my own transition that she will do the same to me. But we all have to do what is right for us, even if it's hard. I am proceeding with my own transition (as soon as my clinic submits my prescription to an out of state pharmacy and it gets delivered here). At least you know who you are and can live the life you deserve.
All my best wishes and hopes for you. Hang in there, you're not alone.
Kade
I'm sorry that happened. Family can be so cruel. Hopefully yours will change their mind like mine did
Gina,
I feel so sad that your family will not look past themselves to offer you support for your life and needs, maybe with time to adjust and accept you are a successfull woman they will find that value you bring to there lives and be able to look past some of the fears and misconceptions that are driving the beliefs they have today. Stay focused on the positive things as much as you can, control what is your reach and pray for all the rest.
take care sister,
jerri
I feel your pain! The same thing happened to me at 24, 40 years ago, and my (adopted) mom never did accept me. It was painful.
But everyone else did accept me and life was wonderful. She missed out on knowing a really special person.
I hope your mother wont be as foolish and will 'come around'.
Gina, I'm sorry that your mom won't accept you as you are. Sometimes you have to move on. You know who you are and have been successful too.
:)
It sounds like moving out and getting a job on your own were really good choices. I hope you don't allow her feelings to bring you down or rethink your plans. FWIW, you have supportive friends right here. We may not be there physically but we are in thoughts.
Ouch I was almost at that impass 6 or 7 years with my own family, I'm sorry she is being this way perhaps the closing of communication will at some point in the future bring here back to you. But remember you have family here who can back you up and share your feelings with. Hang in there girl!!
Gina hugs,
I am sorry your Mom does not accept you for the woman you are. I know the rejection hurts and I wish there was a way to make the pain go away.
I am so sorry. I know that rejection like this hurts a very great deal. The good news is that we all have the power to at least keep one another from being alone. So even if you feel disowned, you still won't be alone.
Sadly its very rare for a parent to return after a disownment.it takes real love to accept your child for who they are and a cold heart to throw them away.mind you some do return after guilt kicks in but as I said,its very rare.anyone who can take that step at all,deserves nothing in return.Gina I know how you feel as my family did the same.I was even stupid enough to try and reach back out to them without even a word.as a matter of fact I got blocked and ignored.but we become stronger,more independent and more confident in self.the loss is painful but the gain is worth it in the end.there are many who accept you as family.as a sister,daughter,mother and so much more.blood isn't always thicker but the heart is always larger.
Geez girl, I'm really sorry. I hope things get better after time.
I'm afraid I'm running into the same situation so thank you for sharing.
Such rejection hurts. A lot. I am so sorry for your pain. Lots of hugs!
But please remember this: your family's rejection defines them, not you.
Wherever I go, I am the same person. And yet I find that people respond to the "same" me in many different ways. That's when I realized that their reactions say everything about them and next to nothing about me.
This realization has turned the tables for me: I am now so much better at reading people for who they really are. I now watch people's reactions - not to judge how well I am passing - but to judge what kind of person they are.
Do give your family time. My therapist says that it takes 3-10 years for family members to adapt. Even if they say they accept you, they typically don't get the real you for quite a while. Try not to worry about how they feel right now. Think long term.
Good luck!
Tina
I'm sorry your family has reacted this way. My immediate family on my mom's side is the same way though they don't accept me for other reasons as well. They stopped talking to me after I decided that I'm not going to drop my life to please them or go to college for a degree I don't want so I can work a job I hate to make them look good. What comforted me was when my father's side of the family told me that they're happy as long as I'm happy. Sometimes it takes time for families to adapt and do research to find out the truth of transition. Right now is your time to focus on you and they seem to not care about that. Try reaching out to other family that may have been in the background so to speak. If extended family can accept you then maybe the immediate family will be more inclined to look at you in a positive light. If not you know who will stand by you in hard times and who won't. We will always be here to help. When I was upset with family issues my dad used to tell me "Look at it this way, It's your life, your experiences, when you die you'll be the only one in that grave so why care about how others will see your life because only you will know if your life had been worth living."
Oh Gina, I'm so sorry.
I hope I can share with you that I feel far more sorry for your mother than for you. She is missing out on having a wonderful daughter. You, on the other hand are saved the effort of trying to decide whether to keep the door open a crack. From your posts, I think the net impact of your mother in your life has been a major negative.
You deserve much better.
Quote from: Jill F on February 04, 2014, 09:30:39 AM
So sorry to hear, sweetie. It's really ironic that she calls you "selfish". And to turn it around and make it about her is really pathetic.
Your life, your rules.
Maybe some extended alone time is what she needs to make her process this.
Thanks for your concern Jill, and yeah it is ironic that she calls me 'selfish' because she thinks that I'm only thinking of myself when I took that job, and not my welfare. It's hard to live off of what they give you when you're on disability and food stamps. But it never surprises me with how she is able to make it out to be about herself in the end. She'll get no pity from me.
But I do agree 100% my life, my rules, and that's the way I've been living since I moved out a month ago. Unfortunately though, I've just lost a friend because of that, but I've also gained new support.
Quote from: Sheala on February 04, 2014, 09:54:33 AM
I am so sorry to hear that. I pray that things get better for you as time goes on. Maybe she should seek her own counceling. It almost sounds to me that she is taking you GID and transition like a personal attack on her. Best of luck Hun.
Y'know Sheala that may be a good idea. It's been four weeks since I saw my psychiatrist and it's been three weeks since I've seen my therapist, and she should be digesting what information they told her, instead of trying to find ways of rebelling against me.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 04, 2014, 11:16:32 AM
:icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: Here is one for each day of the week sis! So sorry this is happening. :'(
Thanks for your sisterly concern Jessica. Unfortunately things won't get any better. She's already told me that people are talking about me in Canada, probably because of what my relatives have said. So technically I've lost them as well. My mom has been seeing a therapist, but that's an interesting angle, about her taking my GID as a personal attack on her. I think it is that she can't find anything on it or a cure aside from the one that I gave her, which is to transition. Thanks for the weekly hugs. They mean a lot to me, sis and BFF
Quote from: Kade1985 on February 04, 2014, 11:23:10 AM
-hug-
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I know how you must be feeling. I'm terrified that because my mother keeps saying she won't accept my own transition that she will do the same to me. But we all have to do what is right for us, even if it's hard. I am proceeding with my own transition (as soon as my clinic submits my prescription to an out of state pharmacy and it gets delivered here). At least you know who you are and can live the life you deserve.
All my best wishes and hopes for you. Hang in there, you're not alone.
Kade
I agree 100% with you Kade. We must do what is best for US. Our parents have already lived their lives, and they must allow us to live ours, and if it means as a woman or a man, then so be it. I saw a friend yesterday, and he was amazed on how much my demeanor had changed because of the fact that I was now as my true self. I hope that your prescriptions go well and that they don't take too long. Thanks for those kind heartfelt words at the end.
Quote from: gowiththeflow on February 04, 2014, 11:33:18 AM
I'm sorry that happened. Family can be so cruel. Hopefully yours will change their mind like mine did
Unfortunately, my family has really shown their true colors. My mom told me that she'll still have my pictures on the wall, and if anyone asks about me, she'll just tell them that her son disappeared. Because I no longer exist to her.
Quote from: Jerri on February 04, 2014, 11:59:06 AM
Gina,
I feel so sad that your family will not look past themselves to offer you support for your life and needs, maybe with time to adjust and accept you are a successfull woman they will find that value you bring to there lives and be able to look past some of the fears and misconceptions that are driving the beliefs they have today. Stay focused on the positive things as much as you can, control what is your reach and pray for all the rest.
take care sister,
jerri
Believe me Jerri; I'm glad that I'm collecting disability, so I at least have that. I'll be soon going for my citizenship and that'll be one more hurdle for me to get over. My mom likes to threaten me with these oppositions that if I don't get these things I could be deported back to Canada, and right now there's no one that would take me in, if I came back. But I will always try to stay focused on the positive things. Thx for the words of encouragement. :)
Quote from: Northern Jane on February 04, 2014, 12:49:53 PM
I feel your pain! The same thing happened to me at 24, 40 years ago, and my (adopted) mom never did accept me. It was painful.
But everyone else did accept me and life was wonderful. She missed out on knowing a really special person.
I hope your mother wont be as foolish and will 'come around'.
I'm really sorry to hear about that situation in your life Northern Jane. :( It must have taken a toll on your life. My mom is just being so stubborn right, that she doesn't want to listen to what my psychiatrist or therapist is saying or even listen to me, and in the end it's gonna hurt her more than it'll hurt me.
Quote from: gennee on February 04, 2014, 05:16:50 PM
Gina, I'm sorry that your mom won't accept you as you are. Sometimes you have to move on. You know who you are and have been successful too.
:)
Y'know Gennee, that's exactly what I've been trying to tell her. She lives in a box and she doesn't see anything outside of her box, nor does she see my happiness. Yesterday, I went and saw some old friends and they could see a big change in my demeanor. :)Something my mom refuses to see.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 04, 2014, 06:21:24 PM
It sounds like moving out and getting a job on your own were really good choices. I hope you don't allow her feelings to bring you down or rethink your plans. FWIW, you have supportive friends right here. We may not be there physically but we are in thoughts.
I couldn't agree with you more LordKAT. Things have really gotten better for me since I moved out, and even when she told me that she 'd never come to the mall to shop because I'd be there, I told her "So What! No loose on my part." she tries to discourage me by telling me that people are talking, but if it bothers them, I haven't seen it. ??? I know that at least I have the support of my friends at Susan's. It means a lot to me. BIG :icon_hug: FROM TO ALL OF YOU!
Quote from: calico on February 04, 2014, 06:30:35 PM
Ouch I was almost at that impass 6 or 7 years with my own family, I'm sorry she is being this way perhaps the closing of communication will at some point in the future bring here back to you. But remember you have family here who can back you up and share your feelings with. Hang in there girl!!
Thanks Calico for your kind and heartfelt words. :) I guess this is a problem that we all go through at one stage of our transition. But it's nice to know that I have some good friends that I can lean on that can hold my heart while I cry. :icon_sad:
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on February 04, 2014, 07:20:43 PM
Gina hugs,
I am sorry you Mom does not accept you for the woman you are. I know the rejection hurts and I wish there was a way to make the pain go away.
Time is the only thing that will help.
Quote from: suzifrommd on February 05, 2014, 05:31:00 AM
Oh Gina, I'm so sorry.
I hope I can share with you that I feel far more sorry for your mother than for you. She is missing out on having a wonderful daughter. You, on the other hand are saved the effort of trying to decide whether to keep the door open a crack. From your posts, I think the net impact of your mother in your life has been a major negative.
You deserve much better.
I have to agree with you there Suzi. She will be missing out on how much I could be a wonderful daughter to her, because of her negative approach to me. There are so many other people that have accepted me with open arms, and her comment to me would simply be, "Then why don't you go to them if they want you."
Her loss,we have a saying here(Lancashire England) You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.I'm sorry it went this way but you never know she might come round one day
Quote from: big kim on February 05, 2014, 10:03:09 AM
Her loss,we have a saying here(Lancashire England) You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.I'm sorry it went this way but you never know she might come round one day
I know the saying, and I couldn't agree with you more. It's really nice to have such close friends that I can lean on here during my troubled times.
Hugs Gina,
I just do not understand why some people put so much effort and time hurting someone else. I wonder if she feels responsible for you being trans* or feel her reputation is being damaged. Whatever her issue is it is her issue and not yours. Perhaps with time she will realize the world does not revolve around her and she lost a wonderful daughter.
You have really made a move in the right direction and kept to your identity, congratulations.
Quote from: Gina Taylor on February 04, 2014, 09:11:52 AM
Last night my mom called me and told me that she had heard that I had gotten a job. She then wanted to know if I was going to be working as a man or a woman. I told her as a woman, and she got upset with me; telling me that I had no respect for the family and I was being selfish.
She thinks I'm delusional because I know that I'm passable. In a population of 141,000 people, she tells me that most people that know me from my 'male life' can tell. I told her so what. This is the life I'm living now. I tried to tell her about others, but she is only concerned about me. So we ended it that she'll never accept me as a woman and so I feel that I have been disowned from my immediate family. Even though my psychiatrist has told her that I do suffer from GID and my therapist feels that because of the brain damage and then hormones and puberty between the ages of 10-14 that this may have culminated the effects of GID, she is not willing to accept it.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. You are a strong person to be able to stay firm in your belief and it's admirable. Your mum loves you, and she did bring you up and care for you when you were vulnerable. And as you transition into the next phase of your life, your mum is trying to protect you because she feels like you're still vulnerable. When I got plastic surgery, my mum was infuriated with me, my family wouldn't talk to me. And I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I had a hard time accepting the new look. And that's the way the human mind works, you might be used to seeing yourself as a woman but it can be a big shock to a mother. And you could be the most feminine looking woman in the world but your mum would still try to stop you from pursuing your dreams because it's human nature. Your mum still sees you as a 3 year old child in her lap and it's going to take a while for her to accept the change. I'm sure everything will come with time, but during that time you must remain strong and courteous, think positively.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on February 05, 2014, 06:42:31 PM
Hugs Gina,
I just do not understand why some people put so much effort and time hurting someone else. I wonder if she feels responsible for you being trans* or feel her reputation is being damaged. Whatever her issue is it is her issue and not yours. Perhaps with time she will realize the world does not revolve around her and she lost a wonderful daughter.
You have really made a move in the right direction and kept to your identity, congratulations.
Thanks for the hug Cynthia. :icon_hug: right back.
To be perfectly honest with you I believe that she's more worried about her reputation being damaged than she is about me being trans. She's always been like this. She's more worried about who will see me and how much I'm gonna ruin her business because people will see me without taking into account my personal feelings and the fact that she's lost a wonderful daughter. Just last night she's telling me that the only way that she'll see me is if I am seen as her 'son'. Talk about being selfish. But at least I'm holding strong , and keeping to my true identity. :)
Quote from: phnm on February 05, 2014, 07:12:57 PM
I'm sorry you have to go through this. You are a strong person to be able to stay firm in your belief and it's admirable. Your mum loves you, and she did bring you up and care for you when you were vulnerable. And as you transition into the next phase of your life, your mum is trying to protect you because she feels like you're still vulnerable. When I got plastic surgery, my mum was infuriated with me, my family wouldn't talk to me. And I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I had a hard time accepting the new look. And that's the way the human mind works, you might be used to seeing yourself as a woman but it can be a big shock to a mother. And you could be the most feminine looking woman in the world but your mum would still try to stop you from pursuing your dreams because it's human nature. Your mum still sees you as a 3 year old child in her lap and it's going to take a while for her to accept the change. I'm sure everything will come with time, but during that time you must remain strong and courteous, think positively.
Very good point you've made, and I will keep it all in the back of my mind. I'm really sorry for the trials that you've gone through. But you know you are right. My mom almost lost me when I was 10, and I think she still thinks I'm vulnerable. My therapist picked this up when she was present that she still treats me like a child, and not like the woman that I should be.