So, I think I'm reaching a clear decision point.
I need my body to be more female, because I think that despite my denials and socialization, I am a woman.
So I want to start transition.
I'm currently making up a plan and "timeline" so I can really grasp this in reality.
I'm giving myself the freedom to say "enough" at any point and live as female as I've become. I don't know if I'm going to full time, but it's a real possibility.
I'll be posting some updates later explaining my ideas and my circumstances. I've spent 38 years denying who I am. Enough.
Little steps make way for larger steps in life.
I wish you well on your path.
Take things one day at a time and at your own pace.
Isabell
Hugs Robin.
As time goes by you'll add things to your life, and you'll find you're more happy with each little thing you add. Then one day you're going to add being full time, and you'll wonder why you waited.
I remember the night I said what you just said. And no matter what happened since ... I'm happy.
I've taken baby steps for a long time, you eventually get there though.
Robin
Having read your posts I think you and I are I'm a similar place. What you have said mirrors what I feel. Read my posts and I think you will agree, like you I do mot "want" to be a woman, but feel driven towards being so.
I know the feeling all too well. I knew I was female very early in life but pretended otherwise for way way too long. Good luck with your decisions and transition. ;)
Another woman I know from elsewhere once wrote a beautiful statement about "baby steps" and to just keep moving forward, no matter how small the step or how slow the progress, because it's still progress and eventually you reach milestones and finally you reach that goal.
At home I dress female casual - jeans, t-shiirt, women's sweater when it' colder outside and the house is a bit chillier. But no one who came to my door would think "woman" because of my extensive male pattern baldness and because I'm still getting rid of facial hair. Yet I'm a full A cup moving towards B cup. And my face shape has changed subtly. If I go out with makeup and a wig, I get gendered female 99% of the time. If I go out without a wig and without makeup, but wearing one of my more feminine caps, I get gendered female about 33% of the time when solo, and about 80% of the time when with other women.
And for me, right now, this is fine. I'm further along than I was six months or a year or sixteen months ago when I started HRT. So progress is progress. :)
My point is that taking baby steps is completely feasible.
In fact, here is a list of "possible" activities you might consider as milestones. Some are incredibly tiny. Others are large and the list is not in any particular order. But you could take this list and use it to create a list of your own, by which you can confirm that you've accomplished some particular goal. You can add time objectives to the list (I did but I also allow myself to change them as circumstances have changed). This is exactly what my therapist mailed me and contains her comments at the top of the quote unedited. This is how I created my own personal milestone list. And you can add things. I've added voice feminization surgery to mine, for example.
Quote
This is an exercise that will help you start to conceptualize the possible steps of your transition. Not everyone does all of these activities, as each person's transition is unique. However these represent many of the common things that individuals do as a part of transitioning from male to female. These items are in no particular order. For each item, please indicate if you are currently engaging in the activity, and if not would you like to? If so, please indicate if you would like to engage in this activity during the next 3, 6, 12, 18 or 24+ months so that we can work together on your initial timeline.
- Purchase makeup
- Practice applying makeup
- Purchase nail polish and polish nails
- Get a manicure/pedicure
- Acrylic nails
- Purchase shoes with heels
- Purchase women's underwear/bra
- Practice walking in shoes
- Select a new name
- Try out different styles of clothes and accessories
- What colors do you like?
- What do you see yourself wearing to feel your best?
- What is your personal style?
- How long do you want to spend getting ready in the morning?
- Introduce self by female name
- Practice dressing up at home
- Use feminine pronouns when referring to yourself
- Request others use feminine pronouns when referring to you
- Attend TransHouston group
- Wax/Shave/electrolysis
- Face
- Arms
- Legs
- Chest
- Eyebrows
- Hormone therapy
- Estrogen
- Testosterone blockers
- Surgery
- Orchiectomy
- Breast augmentation
- Facial feminization
- Gender reassignment
- Legally Change Name
- Learn how to "tuck"
- Voice training
- Use women's restroom
All the best Robin, I know you've struggled through a lot of self doubt to get to this point - one step at a time is the the best way to proceed.
Stage one:
This is like the pre-preparation phase. It basically looks like me just getting my stuff together. I want to get my wife to a point where she is more socially and economic was viable so that she stays with me rest of transition out of choice not a necessity. I'll probably do some small appearance related things definitely growing out my hair and losing weight.this stage ends when I have a rough date to move out.