Help
After a session with my therapist my wife asked me how did it go?
I answered that my therapist thinks that I should not oppress or deny my feminine desires and "open the door a little to let her in" we ( my therapist and I) talked about removal of all body hair, and going out as a woman on occasion.
My wife lost it when I informed her of this discussion. She said I thought therapy was ment to make you better? We had a blazing row, and in the middle of it on the heat of the moment I said something like
" well I am a transsexual, that's what we do, shave our bodies, grow our hair and nails. Wear make up, dress as women, take hormones, grow tits, eventually change sex and sleep with as many men as possible to make up for lost time!"
Now I was being sarcastic, the row stopped and she went off to bed in the spare room.
Later when I was on bed I thought about what I had said and got quiet turned on by the prospect of being female and well, receiving penetration from a man. I have never had these thoughts before. It was kinda nice but wrong at the same time. Am I losing it!?
Nah, just over reacting.
Take some time to talk to her, comfort her and explain.
She is terrified, as you are. But you are both terrified from different directions.
Tell her your fears and listen and understand hers.
I'm sorry I'm probably going to cause some trouble here, which is totally unintended. This is just how I look at the situation. Look at it as if she came to you one day and said she was a man and the therapist told her to start expressing those feeling. It seems to me the only fair way to look at this.
It sounds to me as if you really don't want to be with her anyway, sounds like you would much rather prefer being with a man. If I were you I would explore my feelings and do with some some haste, because it isn't right to waste her time in a relationship if it isn't what you want. Sometimes marriages survive transition, but if you aren't a lesbian then would you even be happy with this marriage surviving transition?
There is fantasy and there is reality, and what turns your T filled brain on after a fight with the spouse may differ from an E filled brain.
It is particularly disappointing when people lash out after you have had a big life changing event. Get used to it. Do not exect your closest friends and family to celebrate your first day on hormones like you would hope. Very few will share your excitement when you start growing boobs. And so on... and so on...
Just because you are a female inside does not mean you have to be weak. In fact, it takes strength to transition. After about every single milestone, there will be someone or something ready to kill your buzz. Hold on to your strength. Eventually, you will be less at risk, and that will reduce the frequency of these types of situations.
Those closest to us have the most reason to mourn the loss of our male selves the longest. I confess, even I am in mourning for boy Tori's passing.
Our first few steps, are like dysphoria triggers for those who know and love us. Each step is a step closer to passing on. And those closest to us have legitimate reasons to fear what changes hormones will bring. How different will we be? Will we become someone else entirely?
Eventually, it can become clear that the biggest change is you are finally happy.
It takes real strength to let your loved ones lash out at you without retaliating, but sometimes you just have to let them throw their tantrum while you calmly empathize.
Oh, and therapy is private and it is intended to be so. You do not have to tell anyone what happens in therapy unless you really want to. Some of those things are best held close, at least until you have had time to process and properly digest what has happened. Most loved ones should understand that.
"Look honey, if I wanted to share all the intimate details of my therapy with you, I would be in couple's therapy. Do you want couple's therapy? If you do, so do I. This however is not couple's therapy."