I don't know if there's already a thread somewhere for this, and I know I've been posting a lot of threads lately but I always have a lot of ideas in my head on things I want to ask or share. ::)
Anyways, when did you guys first know you wanted to be a boy?
I didn't find out what transgender was until later on in life, but ever since I was young I was a tomboy who always got along better with boys than girls. I was often confused or jealous of boys who were able to take off their shirts when it was hot outside. I asked if I could do it once but my mom said I couldn't because I was a "girl" and I wasn't supposed to. I was jealous of boys' penises as well. I would see my friends or cousin go to a tree or somewhere to relieve themselves real quick and I wanted to do that. I never really liked my girl parts. I hated going through puberty and having to start wearing bras. I hate getting my period. I don't like anything about being female; I feel like I was put in the wrong body.
Anyone else who feels similar? I'm interested in hearing all your stories. :)
Officially, I knew a couple years ago. In reality, there have been times earlier when I've known, but pushed myself into denial.
I didn't really think about it when I was a kid aside from wanting to play with the other boys as a boy. When puberty was just starting, I kept thinking I would turn out to be at least part boy (referring to body parts other than my brain) somehow. At some point, I wanted a penis so bad, I looked online to see if there was any word for why I felt this way, came across Freud's "penis envy" and thought that fit until I read what it was actually supposed to mean and then felt really weird about it.
I knew when I was about 5. I was playing in a McDonalds playground with a little boy and a little girl. I was always a tomboy and this other girl was also a tomboy. At some point I had this random thought that I wasn't like the little girl, but like the boy.
I didn't really voice it because my mom while a generally understanding person is also very controlling. My dad was very clear in his desire to not have a boy because he didn't want to do boy scouts. Once puberty started I knew the physical differences between male and female. I was pretty numb by that point, so I went along with stuff as it happened. I never named it until about 2 years ago because I was numb until freshmen year of college and I then started processing my sexual orientation.
Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 05:47:31 PM
Officially, I knew a couple years ago. In reality, there have been times earlier when I've known, but pushed myself into denial.
I didn't really think about it when I was a kid aside from wanting to play with the other boys as a boy. When puberty was just starting, I kept thinking I would turn out to be at least part boy somehow. At some point, I wanted a penis so bad, I looked online to see if there was any word for why I felt this way, came across Freud's "penis envy" and thought that fit until I read what it was actually supposed to mean and then felt really weird about it.
I remember coming across the article on Wikipedia about "penis envy" too. I thought it described me as well until I understood what it actually meant.
I don't know why I've always wanted a penis so badly. I know the ladies on the other side of the forum will disagree, but I believe a penis is a much better sexual organ than a vagina. As someone else said on one of my other threads, it's just a hole with two flaps around it, it bleeds for a few days every month and another human being comes out of it. It's gross. >_< I don't mind it if I were having sex with a female, but on my body I don't like it.
When I could speak in full on sentences I knew something and at cetain age I realized I was really guy which was when I was 14. I already am a guy though there is no wanting to be one, I might have the wrong parts but I'm definately a guy
I could officially put a label on myself (so to speak) when I was 21, or more like I could admit it to myself. I had been considering the possibility way earlier but always thought it wouldn't be the case on my part. Oh well, it was in the end.
But the first time I could tell there was something wrong? The age when I became aware of my sex as a kid, before I was even five. I just never talked about it to anyone because I was awfully shy and also afraid that other people might laugh or get mad at me.
Quote from: Brandon on February 11, 2014, 06:04:03 PM
I already am a guy though there is no wanting to be one, I might have the wrong parts but I'm definately a guy
You're preaching to the choir dude. We're all guys. Also, wanting to be a guy has no bearing on whether someone is a guy or not. It just means we enjoy being guys once we accept that is what we are. (Although I would still like the right parts.)
I became aware of it when I was about 5 years old and started Kindergarten. I didn't understand why I was made to pair up with "girls".
Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 07:13:20 PM
You're preaching to the choir dude. We're all guys. Also, wanting to be a guy has no bearing on whether someone is a guy or not. It just means we enjoy being guys once we accept that is what we are. (Although I would still like the right parts.)
True.
I have a lot of memories of knowing something was up in pre school. When I was four years old, I asked my dad if I could wear a tux to my pre school graduation instead of the floral sundress my mom had selected. I also played with the boys exclusively and, for a brief time, held their belief that girls had cooties.
It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?
As for knowing their was such thing as a trans guy- weirdly, the first time I ever heard of trans guys was through the L word (back when I was tentatively ID'ing with the queer women community). There's a guy Max on the show who transitions over the course of a season. They talk about his gender dysphoria and what not. I saw it and I was just like "Oh my gosh, that's me. He's me, I'm him." And suddenly all those pre school memories hit me again and I knew and I was 100% a trans guy.
Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PM
I have a lot of memories of knowing something was up in pre school. When I was four years old, I asked my dad if I could wear a tux to my pre school graduation instead of the floral sundress my mom had selected. I also played with the boys exclusively and, for a brief time, held their belief that girls had cooties.
It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?
As for knowing their was such thing as a trans guy- weirdly, the first time I ever heard of trans guys was through the L word (back when I was tentatively ID'ing with the queer women community). There's a guy Max on the show who transitions over the course of a season. They talk about his gender dysphoria and what not. I saw it and I was just like "Oh my gosh, that's me. He's me, I'm him." And suddenly all those pre school memories hit me again and I knew and I was 100% a trans guy.
I did go through a short denial mode myself (See: my post in the Before&After thread) where I thought there was nothing I could do about my feelings and just decided to fake being a "girl". But, I just couldn't do it anymore.
I knew since 4 when I couldn't stop sleeping in my sisters clothes. Never been able to stop accept going through denial. Then it always came back stronger.
Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PMIt's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?
Yeah. I spent high school being told I was insane followed by a very emasculating life experience. After that, I overcompensated, went far in denial, and was really screwed up.
I first heard of trans guys from Boys Don't Cry during which my dad repeatedly called Brandon a liar. It kind of scared me.
Quote from: stephaniec on February 11, 2014, 07:57:15 PM
I knew since 4 when I couldn't stop sleeping in my sisters clothes. Never been able to stop accept going through denial. Then it always came back stronger.
I went through something similar. I never liked wearing girl's clothes at all. My mom would have to force me to put them on; especially skirts and dresses. I always felt more comfortable in boy's clothes.
Quote from: Edge on February 11, 2014, 08:00:36 PM
Yeah. I spent high school being told I was insane followed by a very emasculating life experience. After that, I overcompensated, went far in denial, and was really screwed up.
I first heard of trans guys from Boys Don't Cry during which my dad repeatedly called Brandon a liar. It kind of scared me.
Ugh, overcompensation and denial are the worst. I can totally relate man.
I watched Boys Don't Cry when I started ID'ing as a trans guy and it scared me a lot to be honest. The area I was living in at the time was sort of similar to the place Brandon lived and I was dying to leave by the end of the film.
From fairly early memory...honestly, as a kid, I just thought I'd grow up to be male. I didn't know how any of the stuff worked, so I figured there had been a mistake, and that at a certain age I'd just...be a guy. lol. I spent my first few years of puberty in denial, thinking "OK well I haven't gotten a period and my friends have, maybe I won't get one, and then we'll find out the truth..."
As for when I knew I was transsexual, it was as soon as I heard the word, which I believe was about 18. I was watching this show...it had some either crossdressers or MTFs, early stages, who were being filmed as they went out the first time as female. I remember one went to a baseball game as a woman, and then she was sad because one of the guys at the game called her a ->-bleeped-<-got when she told him that she was physically male. I googled "transsexual" and all there was, really, in terms of Google searches was a Wikipedia article. I read what the word meant (someone who was physically one sex but knew they were the other), and I was like "oh yeah, that makes total sense, that's what I am." But since the women on the show only dressed in women's clothes I didn't know physical transition was possible (I knew about surgeries and stuff, as in I knew they existed, but I didn't know they were accessible).
Later found out about more FTM stuff in particular when I was googling how to look like a guy with my clothes. Again, not much on the Internet back then, not even many guys posted their T progress in photos or videos so I really felt in the dark. But I knew that was what I was.
yea, things have changed quite a bit since I was growing up. all I knew about was Christine Jorgensen and that tennis player Rene Richards. I like wise thought the process was inaccessible and tried to be what society expected.
It's kind of hard to explain for me. I was always convinced that everyone saw me as a guy, because I always felt like one. So I would get called she and such, and somehow my brain made it logical that they still all saw me as a he. I don't know, it's strange. I was in some deep denial. Then, once I had the full blown realization that I am a man, I expected everyone to be on the same page. Not how it went. I was confused, lol. But that was a little over a year ago that it hit me like a freight train.
I probably knew from younger, but the age at which I remember being aware of it was around 5 (when I became fully aware of the differences between boys and girls). At the time I "knew" that boys had different parts than girls but I didn't think it mattered. And I identified as a tomboy rather than a girl because I thought that it meant someone who was a boy but didn't have the same stuff as other boys. I was really confused when my tomboy girl friends were fine being girls and even wanted to be seen as girls, but just as tomboy girls, because I knew that I just wanted to be treated like any other boy and I wanted the fact that I was technically physically a "girl" to be ignored completely.
Quote from: Cloudchamber on February 11, 2014, 07:51:31 PM
It's odd though, because I feel like I knew when I was younger and then sort of "forgot"- i.e., went really deep into denial mode- during my adolescent and teenage years. Can anyone relate to that at all?
Definitely. I never exactly "forgot" but I definitely shoved it down deep and I figured that I could never become a boy so there was no point in dwelling on it. Then I wondered why I got so depressed as I got older and felt like I was hiding my true self, lol.
I knew trans men were a thing three days before my fifteenth birthday after watching the L Word, and realised that was the word for what I was then. Although I always had a vague memory of when I was six and my friend was telling my teacher about her cousin who had transitioned and was a trans man. I didn't know the words for it though, and it was so alien a concept I didn't connect it with me.
I didn't really notice that there was a difference between boys and girls until I was seven, and boys joined my year at school. I went to a very small village school, and there were only two others in my year, all girls, so it was natural for me to play with them more often, I would have done even if I wasn't trans. When I was seven and more people joined, two girls and three boys, I got down and didn't really understand why, and there were arguments between me and my friends because I wanted to play with the boys more than them. When I moved into the next school, which was a lot bigger, I had trouble trying to fit in because I didn't understand the girl stuff, but the boys didn't want a "girl" playing with them, and it caused me a lot of grief and upset. The same thing happened when I switched school again, although I got into even more trouble, as I thought that the only way to be accepted by the boys as one of them was to be stronger than them, and that meant getting into fights.
I never wanted to wear girls' clothes, ever. I fought against my school skirt the whole time, and I couldn't understand why the girls didn't want to join me into pressuring the school into getting rid of that rule. Even when I was a lot younger I would physically fight not to be put into girls' clothes. Whenever I pictured myself in the future it was always wearing a suit, never female clothes, and with short hair. I always thought that would be who I would grow into.
Physically, one of the biggest indicators was when I was going through puberty and was constantly trying to deny it. I was trying to deny my period starting (it was light at first), and I used to stretch out in front of the big mirror at my grandparents every weekend trying to make my chest disappear so that I wouldn't have to admit that it was growing. In the end I managed to convince myself that it was cancer and I was dying, because I just couldn't admit that I was going through female puberty.
I knew from a very young age, as long as I can remember. I knew then that I was a boy, not a girl. I would spend time every day pulling on my parts south of the border thinking it would turn into a penis like it was supposed to be if I did. When I hit puberty and started growing boobs I would push as hard on them as I could in hopes I could get them to stop growing and would only sleep on my stomach hoping to to do the same thing.
Now if you asked me when I knew I was trans thats a different question entirely. Unlike today where theres a word for it, there wasn't back then. I just a tomboy who was having a difficult time with puberty which I was told was normal but I would get used to it, so I didn't have a label for this until I got older. While I have had a great life so far, I do wish that I was growing up in todays generation where people are more or less free to be how they are not being told that its a phase they'll grow out of. Yes of course people will always say this and its a fact of life but today theres a name for it and a better understanding where as trans wasnt even a word that I had ever heard of or though people like me born into the wrong gender actually existed.... gotta love the age of the internet, when there wasn't even pagers much less cell phones until after I was an adult :)
Quote from: overdrive on February 12, 2014, 01:48:35 PM
I knew from a very young age, as long as I can remember. I knew then that I was a boy, not a girl. I would spend time every day pulling on my parts south of the border thinking it would turn into a penis like it was supposed to be if I did. When I hit puberty and started growing boobs I would push as hard on them as I could in hopes I could get them to stop growing and would only sleep on my stomach hoping to to do the same thing.
Now if you asked me when I knew I was trans thats a different question entirely. Unlike today where theres a word for it, there wasn't back then. I just a tomboy who was having a difficult time with puberty which I was told was normal but I would get used to it, so I didn't have a label for this until I got older. While I have had a great life so far, I do wish that I was growing up in todays generation where people are more or less free to be how they are not being told that its a phase they'll grow out of. Yes of course people will always say this and its a fact of life but today theres a name for it and a better understanding where as trans wasnt even a word that I had ever heard of or though people like me born into the wrong gender actually existed.... gotta love the age of the internet, when there wasn't even pagers much less cell phones until after I was an adult :)
Don't you mean born into the wrong sex, Sex and Gender I take sociology as of know.
Eff. It was hard for me.
And strange coming to terms (still trying to grasp it)
All my life, I was scared people would figure out I was a guy underneath it all. It was mostly subconscious... But I was always preoccupied with passing as a woman, because I knew I was male inside.
Add to it mommy issues... I had to be feminine for affection. period.
The first time I started to understand what I was... I was 12, and promptly shoved that crap back down and tried to "become a woman" as much and as quick as possible. I saw the hardship... that TG/TS people went through, heard my family's opinions... I couldn't take it.
Crap, I'm still not even out, it's all a big mind-screw.
A teacher of mine courageously came out in high school, and suddenly transition looked tangible. But then, when I was 17 I confided in a close friend my feelings and her reaction sent me into hiding again until age 21. When I finally came out to myself.
I tried starting transition with little support... got scared... and went into hiding again for 3 years and slight denial. Until just recently, dysphoria has become too much and something has got to give.
Quote from: Brandon on February 12, 2014, 02:23:08 PM
Don't you mean born into the wrong sex, Sex and Gender I take sociology as of know.
No, I meant exactly as I wrote and not sure why you are nitpicking my terminology. But I think of sex to include orientation and gender to be what the physical is. You may disagree, websters may disagree but thats the way I think of it. In any event, everyone except you knows what I mean by it, its just that nobody else felt the necessity to try and make a big deal out of a difference on terminology we use. Smdh
Quote from: overdrive on February 12, 2014, 03:29:40 PM
No, I meant exactly as I wrote and not sure why you are nitpicking my terminology. But I think of sex to include orientation and gender to be what the physical is. You may disagree, websters may disagree but thats the way I think of it. In any event, everyone except you knows what I mean by it, its just that nobody else felt the necessity to try and make a big deal out of a difference on terminology we use. Smdh
Right but gender and sex are different to bad you didn't realize that, Gender is in the brain, Hence why the doctors say sex of the baby I know what I'm talking about. You don't change genders you change sex. So think before you get an attitude with people. Again I took a pshycology and sociology, I checked the text books and that is what it says.
I have to say that I agree with Brandon here, it is generally accepted that sex means our physical configuration and gender means our innate sense of male/female/non-binary. It helps a lot if we all stick to the same terminology to avoid offense and just so that people can easily understand what you're talking about.
Sorry to offend people but I find it incorrect to use gender and sex in the way that is defined. Would anyone have obsessed about the terminology if it wasnt brought up by Brandon? Likely no because people know what is meant. I think of sex and gender as reversed from what is technically correct, I don't think anyone is actually confused by my post because of it.
I don't see why there is an argument over this. We all know what overdrive meant, no need to nitpick over terminology. That's not the point of this thread.
Quote from: overdrive on February 12, 2014, 03:48:07 PM
Sorry to offend people but I find it incorrect to use gender and sex in the way that is defined. Would anyone have obsessed about the terminology if it wasnt brought up by Brandon? Likely no because people know what is meant. I think of sex and gender as reversed from what is technically correct, I don't think anyone is actually confused by my post because of it.
I'm not obsessing over it I'm just letting you know, I mean its bad enough people who are non trans use the terms interchangeably, but your trans and you go and use it incorrectly yea...... Nice one. I wasn't even trying to be rude about just letting you know.
If he made himself clear I wouldn't have said anything its funny though because when I don't make myself clear everyone wants to get all up on my tip about it but when he does it, Its ok. So no I didn't understand what he meant. You forget this is a forum not face to face. And no ones arguing were having a discussion. He shouldn't have got upset ......
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 12, 2014, 03:51:51 PM
I don't see why there is an argument over this. We all know what overdrive meant, no need to nitpick over terminology. That's not the point of this thread.
Thank you that was my point exactly. I apologize for even responding to Brandons post, I should know better and have just let it go. I won't be reading any more of his responses to this thread so I won't be tempted to respond to him further.
Quote from: overdrive on February 12, 2014, 03:48:07 PM
Sorry to offend people but I find it incorrect to use gender and sex in the way that is defined. Would anyone have obsessed about the terminology if it wasnt brought up by Brandon? Likely no because people know what is meant. I think of sex and gender as reversed from what is technically correct, I don't think anyone is actually confused by my post because of it.
I wasn't confused, and only mentioned it because Brandon it, but I chipped in because it could be confusing in a different context where sex and gender was being discussed in a more confusing manner. Sort of a "just for future reference thing". I wouldn't say I was obsessing about it though. You weren't offensive either, just that in other threads it could be misunderstood as offensive.
Back on topic now perhaps, I can see this ending up in another famous round-about discussion, and it's a shame because it's an interesting topic, and useful for newer people who have only heard the "known from birth" trans narrative before.
Quote from: lxndr on February 12, 2014, 04:29:38 PM
I wasn't confused, and only mentioned it because Brandon it, but I chipped in because it could be confusing in a different context where sex and gender was being discussed in a more confusing manner. Sort of a "just for future reference thing". I wouldn't say I was obsessing about it though. You weren't offensive either, just that in other threads it could be misunderstood as offensive.
Back on topic now perhaps, I can see this ending up in another famous round-about discussion, and it's a shame because it's an interesting topic, and useful for newer people who have only heard the "known from birth" trans narrative before.
I agree with Alex I wasn't trying to cause an Arguement though, All I ask is for clarification, because if it was someone else they would have gotten mad at you.
Back on topic now guys so this thread doesn't get locked..
Anyone else ever been accepted by all the guys in school but was excluded from certain activities because you were a "girl"?
I remember all the guys thinking of me as that cool "girl" that liked video games and understood all the stuff boys liked but when it came to sports they either didn't want me to play or took it easy on me. Like when we would play football, they wouldn't tackle me for example.
Quote from: lxndr on February 12, 2014, 04:29:38 PMBack on topic now perhaps, I can see this ending up in another famous round-about discussion, and it's a shame because it's an interesting topic, and useful for newer people who have only heard the "known from birth" trans narrative before.
Yeah and that it's ok not to have known from birth. Sometimes, I get the impression there's pressure to be like "I knew since I was a wee lad and never had any doubts ever and never wore or did anything girly, etc." While this is true for some guys, it isn't for everyone and I think it's important to respect that. It's ok to doubt, it's ok to not follow strict gender roles, and it's ok to take awhile to figure it out.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 12, 2014, 05:12:26 PM
Anyone else ever been accepted by all the guys in school but was excluded from certain activities because you were a "girl"?
My friends wouldn't play fight with me because I was female which sucked for me because I really like to fight.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 12, 2014, 05:12:26 PM
Back on topic now guys so this thread doesn't get locked..
Anyone else ever been accepted by all the guys in school but was excluded from certain activities because you were a "girl"?
I remember all the guys thinking of me as that cool "girl" that liked video games and understood all the stuff boys liked but when it came to sports they either didn't want me to play or took it easy on me. Like when we would play football, they wouldn't tackle me for example.
I leave myself out of the sports here when we do them at work for the most part because I know the guys would either make a fuss if I did as well as them, wouldn't want to throw the ball as hard to get me out, or something to make it obvious that I'm not male. I've only gotten asked to play FIFA with them once too, but I declined because I've never had the opportunity to play before, don't care about football at all, and I didn't fancy ending up with a ridiculous forfeit.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 12, 2014, 05:12:26 PM
Back on topic now guys so this thread doesn't get locked..
Anyone else ever been accepted by all the guys in school but was excluded from certain activities because you were a "girl"?
I remember all the guys thinking of me as that cool "girl" that liked video games and understood all the stuff boys liked but when it came to sports they either didn't want me to play or took it easy on me. Like when we would play football, they wouldn't tackle me for example.
I guess I'm kinda lucky because I really didn't have to deal with that, I think it's because I'm so masculine that people forget. Even on my birthday last week the guys usually give out birthday hits and I go them , as far as sports I really haven't had a problem, I like to run 3 point challenges or 3 on 3 in the gym, Ive also played tackle football, I guess it depends on how masculine you are or how well you carry yourself as a man, Because me personally, I won't put my hands on a female unless say for instance I'm play fight with my girlfriend or other girls at my school. To alot of people I guess it just depends but if you don't let anyone know then no one will everyone.
Quote from: lxndr on February 12, 2014, 05:20:03 PM
I leave myself out of the sports here when we do them at work for the most part because I know the guys would either make a fuss if I did as well as them, wouldn't want to throw the ball as hard to get me out, or something to make it obvious that I'm not male. I've only gotten asked to play FIFA with them once too, but I declined because I've never had the opportunity to play before, don't care about football at all, and I didn't fancy ending up with a ridiculous forfeit.
I suck at football. (soccer for the non-football fans :p) I'm clueless on how to dribble the ball correctly and kick it accurately. Although, I do love watching it; it is my second favorite sport after ice hockey. I suck at a bunch of other sports too.. really the only sports I'm good at are hockey and.. is riding and doing tricks on a scooter a sport lol? But it still feels bad to be left out of sports just because I happened to be born female. I don't understand why females are looked at as weaker than males and I wish I could tell the guys that I'm trans but I haven't been able to. Only a few people know I'm trans.
Thanks y'all--I agree that it's important to get a lot of different stories out there and I'm really glad to see the variety here.
A really important point for me was learning the word cis, because that was when it started to click for me that that wasn't what I was. I'd felt disconnected from my body, my name, social expectations, and so on for years, I knew what trans was and I was friends with a trans guy, but the dots didn't really connect. Most of what I heard about trans folk was the trapped-in-the-wrong-body, always-known-since-preschool, born-with-a-birth-defect narrative, and while elements of that occasionally resonated with me, that just wasn't what I felt. But sitting in the room getting the rundown on terminology and trying to fit the word cisgender onto myself just didn't work.
Sometime later that year, I was at soccer practice and I was talking about trans people in a third person, I'm not trans kind of way, and my friend (a trans guy) sort of matter-of-factly told me I was trans. I immediately told him no, not at all, and he explained that he meant it in an umbrella term way and I should go look it up. I thought about it on and off for a while, and then one day when I was chilling in a public library I found myself in the queer section, I picked up a trans book for kicks, and for the first time started to recognize parts of myself in some of the stories. I went back to my friend and told him that I was maybe kind of a little bit possibly trans in the umbrella sense of the word.
But then I didn't really do much with it, in terms of thinking through who I was and what I wanted, because I had tons of other things to deal with for a few years. When other things started to settle down and I started being able to handle them in healthier way, I noticed again that nothing had gotten better about my gender. That was another turning point--I had been presenting in a pretty masculine way for years, and I was increasingly unwilling to apologize for it, but with more mental space and a lil more maturity, I started paying more attention to how deeply set the dissonance with my body was. It feels like I then spent forever just trying to work through and process everything and make sure I was really sure that I was trans, but actually there was only about a year and a half between then and making my first appointment to work on getting T.
I never wanted to be a boy. I just always was. You can imagine my surprise and shock when I found out that no one could see me. Instead their eyes were/are so bad that they saw/see a girl. It took me a while to figure out that they actually meant me. Hard to describe but that is sort of what it was.
For the longest time I just thought that since I had a vagina I had to be a girl. Like, I thought that no matter how I felt, I had to be. Then I saw an episode of Degrassi about a transgender guy, and my very fist thought was 'that's me.' For a long time though, I thought that you had to be straight to be a transguy, I thought I had to like girls, so I denied it. I just didn't know that it was okay for me to be gay. I was pretty miserable until 9th grade when I decided that I was going to figure out my sexuality- I'd been confused about it, so I wanted to have a label for myself. When I was looking up stuff on the internet, I learned that being trans has no effect on being gay, and if I was a guy, it didn't matter whether or not I liked other guys.
Funnily enough, now that I know who I am, I've been able to figure out my sexuality much better. I think the influence of growing up like I HAD to be a girl made me think I liked guys, but when I really began to break down some of the influences in me, I realized that was not the case.
Quote from: CursedFireDean on February 13, 2014, 08:24:33 AMFor the longest time I just thought that since I had a vagina I had to be a girl. Like, I thought that no matter how I felt, I had to be.
Me too. I kept thinking it was something I was going to have to suck up and accept.
I wished that I was a boy since I was 8. However I didn't know what the term "transgender" was until recently. I remember watching an episode of MTV's "True Life" where there was a trans guy. He said "this is one of my binders. Instead of making me look I have big boobs, it makes it look like I don't have boobs, so it would be easier to pass as a guy". And I was like "holy ->-bleeped-<- I want one of those!" lol :D
sooner than I could talk... if that is an option.
I haven't seen any TV shows with a trans guy on there. I kind of just learned by looking it up online.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 16, 2014, 09:31:43 AM
I haven't seen any TV shows with a trans guy on there. I kind of just learned by looking it up online.
Well *TV shows* no. I understand CBS is producing a program about a transguy teenager. The title of this is Ze (gender neutral pronoun). I understand some group like Switch (which I ma not familiar with, picked this up.) I don't know any kind of dates for this or if the project is still going.
(And of course, not trans guy, but Orange is the New Black is a Netflix program with an amazing portrayal of a trans woman-- I am sure I picked up stuff on that the average viewer wouldn't have been interested in.)
--Jay
seriously i don't remember. my childhood memory is so foggy that i don't have a clear timeline of my own history in my head. there are few bright patches of memory that stand out of the fog and they tell a lot. the earliest hint i've digged up so far dates back to the days of kindergarten. i went to preschool for two years and i remember at the beginning of the second year i asked the woman who sew our uniforms to add a pocket to my shirt like the boys shirts. she laughed and told me only boys got pockets, but i insisted so i got a pocket. i was afraid at first that i would be outcasted for having a pocket but nobody seemed to notice, and i was very happy. however i was sure i was a guy stuck in a girls body when i was 13, but struggled through a terrible denial phase and put myself back on track at age 17 after i discovered what i really was through internet.
When I was in sixth grade in an emo phase a boy on the bus teased me and said I was only unhappy because I wanted to be a boy. He was totally right and I knew it, but then his sister said a girl couldn't become a boy and only a freak would want to. I guess that's my first memory about it.
I didn't consciously see myself as trans until way after - I thought wanting to be male and have a male body was a lesbian thing, even though I hated the term because it was for women and not men, and that trans people were always MTF. When I became more aware of it I realized it was what I was, but I was so scared that I repressed it for two years. It's only been in the past season or two that I've come to terms with it completely.
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 12, 2014, 05:12:26 PM
Back on topic now guys so this thread doesn't get locked..
Anyone else ever been accepted by all the guys in school but was excluded from certain activities because you were a "girl"?
I remember all the guys thinking of me as that cool "girl" that liked video games and understood all the stuff boys liked but when it came to sports they either didn't want me to play or took it easy on me. Like when we would play football, they wouldn't tackle me for example.
Yup. All my guy friends tended to accept me wholeheartedly when we were alone or in a small group and they usually said they didn't see me as a girl at all. In fact I think they forgot that I "was" one. And I certainly didn't remember that I was supposed to be one. But as soon as "all the guys" got together I suddenly blossomed into a girl in their eyes and they banned me from playing with them. I always thought it was unfair so I usually tried to beat them up in retaliation afterwards.
When I got older I skipped a few grades though and suddenly the boys were all a lot taller and stronger than me and I couldn't keep up with them in sports or bond over talk about girls. So the girls were the only ones that accepted me and that's how I made my first feminine girl friends.
I'm not exactly sure when I first decided I was a guy. I don't remember much from my childhood. My 2nd year in high school I came out as a questioning transgender the first time but shoved these odd feelings and behaviours aside and became an "emo" teen. Music is my life. And then in December of this year (2 years later) I decided that it's who I've been. I looked at old photos and sure enough. I could see the boy in me trying to escape. I ordered my binder a few weeks ago and it'll be here any day now. Not exactly answering your question but it kind of does.
I knew I was male about a week before Halloween when I was 18. I am 21 now, so it has been a little over two years. I knew because I went to a Halloween dance in a female costume, and felt miserable. I said to my now-boyfriend, who has been ID'ing as male for much longer, "I feel like I'm cross-dressing."
I always knew there was something different about me from the early stages of puberty. I remember being about ten and realizing I was not like other kids. It was then that I went through about every identity in the book. I started out identifying as bisexual. A couple of years later, I identified as a lesbian. That lasted a couple of years until I finally came to terms with the fact that men are definitely hot, and began identifying as pansexual. Sometimes I dressed male, sometimes I dressed female. It wasn't until I began attending an LGBT youth group and really learned what it meant to be trans* that I finally figured it out. It never occurred to me fully that I COULD be male until then, and it was a pretty immediate transition.
Looking back, I rarely looked in the mirror and felt sick or wrong. I always (and still do) liked fashion and costumes, and I always felt like I was just wearing a pretty costume. I was in denial, and in that I just accepted that my female appearance was a costume, and it wasn't so bad to PRETEND to be female, but I realized once I came out that it was never me and that I wasted so much time pretending. Does that make any sense or sound like something anyone else went through?