I was chatting with a good friend the other night; I don't remember exactly how this came up, but she told me that I would have looked really great if I had "stayed" male-that I had a wonderful facial structure, etc. She even suggested that she would be more attracted to me if I was not presenting as female. This isn't the first time I have heard this; many friends of mine have told me, and it's really terrible to hear of course-even though living as male for eighteen years almost killed me, I was good at it, and that I'd still be good, perhaps better living that way isn't a fun thought to indulge. The gay community welcomed me with open arms as male, and it certainly wasn't because of my florid clothing...
How many of you have heard this before? And do any of you ever genuinely wonder if you might have been better off sticking to what you were good at? I know that's a ridiculous thing to say after I've come this far, but it's not so crazy to have that lingering doubt.
I was never good at being female... I mean ya sometimes I get all emotional but I blame estrogen for that most times. Otherwise I've never been very good at the whole "what's normal for girls" thing. Even as a kid I hated playing dress up with dresses and pretty shoes and nail polish or make up and I'd rather have been climbing trees and playing bad guys good guys than playing house and I wanted ninja turtles vs barbies. I hated it when my mom put me in dresses or skirts and I hated it when my sister wanted to get into mom's make up and put it on my face (for practice she claimed).
But I know I am good at being me. Sometimes it's not about being the better male or female. It's about being a better you. I know it can be a pain in the rear and even offensive when someone tries to bring up what you were born as. I'm at that point right now with my mother. She insists I'm not transgender (female to male), and she insists I'm just lesbian and keeps saying I'm a girl and so on. It sucks, and ya it hurts.
It's not much of an excuse, but some people can't cope with it... Or don't understand it.. and so they cling to what's familiar for them... They don't always realize it hurts us when they do those things. They don't know it can even make us angry/offended/upset. Basically what you gotta do is put your foot down and tell them what's what. I mean don't get angry or defensive but tell them you don't like the idea of being a boy and that you are a woman and that is how it is and how it will be. Tell them, if you don't like them reminding you that you were originally born male, that you don't want to hear about that stuff, that it upsets you. If they are your friends, and I don't doubt that, but if they are they will eventually get the hint and won't do it because they know it's an upsetting thing. It may take some time though, so unfortunately you'll have to be patient.
I hope that helps.
I was told "but you look so handsome" or "so happy in your photos" even "but you like boy things, like guns and cars, you can't be a girl :/
Quote from: Kaitlin4475 on February 14, 2014, 03:30:59 PM
I was told "but you look so handsome" or "so happy in your photos" even "but you like boy things, like guns and cars, you can't be a girl :/
Yes, because I don't know any cisgirls who like cars or pack heat... /sarc
My mother is telling me that I am looking way better now that I lost weight and that my longer hair made me look like Jim Morrison (the one on my avatar is not my real hair, but my real hair is also getting longer)...
Then she asked me: "don't you like the way you are right now? Why can't you try to stay this way?? You'll find a lot of girls now that you are taking better care of your appearance! You are getting handsome"...
Well, I answered..."I can't stay this way and I only like my appearance now because it is looking way more feminine than my previous one".
But I don't think I would be a great-looking guy...and I really don't care if I cant become a great-looking woman...if I can become just a normal-looking woman I'll be really happy ^^
Some people just don't understand what being supportive is. Your friend is basically saying, at some level, conscious or not, that she doesn't think you should be transitioning. Challenge her on that, make her realise it goes a lot deeper for you than "looks".
When I was at uni back in the 1980s I was told I looked like Mia Farrow...! People see what they want to. When I tell people about my intention to transition they immediately feedback to me which of my features they consider feminine. Fortunately have had anything counter to that but I expect it.
Welll, I was considered really good looking pre transition. I mean, I would get compliments constantly, by total strangers. But I haven't really gotten negativity in transition. Most people are complimentary. The only one who hasn't been, really, is my grandma..she said that the reason I'm transitioning is cuz someone put the maloik on me cuz I was good looking (as a boy) and had to ruin it by becoming a girl. She's italian, soo yeah. And of course, she hasn't even seen me as a girl o w/e.
No one was ever dumb enough to say that to me, but if they had I would have: A) rolled my eyes. B) flipped them off. C) told them to go screw themselves or any combination of the three.
Some of the best looking T-girls were very good looking guys. I think being a good looking guy is promising. More likely to be a good looking girl.
Quote"so happy in your photos"
People are coached to look happier in pictures than they actually are, so if someone brings up that example again, it may be useful to mention this little fact.
But yeah, it sucks.
Also, you have a good look going in that picture, so you would probably look nice as a woman, too (echoing someone else, but I think it's worth repeating).
As a boy people always told me I was cute or adorable. I was like a little timid gentle creature. I wanna go back to that lol. As a girl it's just the usual.
I apparently looked quite handsome as a male. I didn't see it though. Although I had been compared to looking like Johnny Depp. I wondered once how it would have been had I stayed as 'him'. Less stressful as far as paperwork goes? sure. No rejection from some friends and family? Sure. Still have had my well-paying job? probably. Would I be happy? Hell NO!!
Money isn't everything. Transition tells you who your real family and friends are. And the inner peace that comes from being yourself and being seen for who you really are, You can't buy that or put a price on it.
I've heard "You look great as a guy" many times. To me, it feels like a role I had been acting in the play of life. nothing more.
I got "but you're so pretty!" a lot from family (not so much friends). To an extent, I can't blame them, because I did (and still do) really like fashion, and so I would dress very fashionably a lot of the time. It was nice female clothing that I liked, but not on myself, if that makes sense. I still like designing fashion for both genders. People definitely did not seem to grasp that, though... because I liked feminine things, I must be female? Or be "bad" at being male? Who knows.
I still like fashion and dolls... I'm just a dude who likes fashion and dolls, and I like it that way. ;)
"You'd look so pretty if you put make up on and did your hair ..." That was one I constantly got from my mom growing up.
Well, this is the paradox we face then: I'd wager that just about every person on this website would be better looking, more privileged, and in many cases more loved as the sex they were assigned at birth. I know that's true for me-I might look good in that black dress, but I'm about sixty thousand dollars short of being ANY sort of woman. Sometimes I wonder-is the cost of transition really worth it? Of course I would have been quite unhappy if I kept up the old act, but I still feel quite dysphoric now, and the only thing that's changed completely is that my family and more than a few friends won't speak with me. Everyone who loves and cares about me learned to care about me when I was him. Now, people avoid me like I'm a plague. That goes for most of you as well. I suppose that's why the question irked me as much as it did: because in the eyes of everyone except myself, I would have been better off as a guy.