Well I figured that it was about time that I introduced myself. I've lurked for some time before becoming a member and then lurked more before posting. I am a MTF transgender. I've known that I was "different" since I was about 7 yrs old but could never put my finger on it. It was especially hard during puberty for me. I grew up in foster homes all my life and in one of the homes is when I was diagnosed with GID. At the time, I had no idea what that was. Of course now, almost 41, I understand completely. I was adopted twice, both failed because of this "disorder". It wasn't until last year that I finally came to terms that I am transgender. Ever since then, I am more at peace with myself. I have stuggled with this for so long because of how I grew up. "Your a boy so stop playing with girls" I was told. "Don't play with the dolls." "Leave the girls cloths alone." The last foster home I was in were very religious. And prejudice. It was always preached that men don't wear dresses and women don't wear pants and if you do, you go to hell. I tried to conform. I really did. Tried to "pray" myself to be what I was born to as but it just didn't work. The foster parents said I was challenged.
I joined the Marine Corps. to convince myself that I was a man. They said I had a "personality disorder" and that I didn't conform to their standards. I tried the church thing. All I heard was how wrong this was or that was wrong. They preached against enter-racial marriages, women cutting there hair or jewelry.
I became more confused than you could possibly imagine. It wasn't until I learned what the word "transgender" meant. Wow, what an eye opener. I've always cross dressed for as long as I can remember. Thats why the adoptions failed. But I felt more myself when I dressed that way so how could I be wrong. I know my biological family and kept this side of me private for many years. Little did I know that my aunt and my cousin knew all along. At least in away. They thought that I was gay. When I finally sent my cousin an email and told her, she was very supportive. I couldn't believe that she was ok with it. I haven't told any one else yet. I'm saving that for a camping trip next month. I've decided to tell my step sister and her daughter. We are very close and she wants to move where I am so I think I better be honest with her. I am starting to look into transitioning at the first of the year. I'm just not sure where to begin. I'm slowly coming out of my shell about this but I do fear retaliation. But for me to be "ME", I must do this for my own sanity and well being.
BTW: I live in Bend Oregon so if there are any oregonians out there close by, I would REALLY appreciate some advise, direction. I still feel pretty isolated.
Welcome Amanda, this is a great place to learn and make friends. I know you will enjoy yourself here, keep writing.
Sarah L.
A wonderful intro Amanda, and a lot to get off your chest. I hope that you enjoy your stay here even more now that you've come out so-to-speak. While here please be respectful of others even if their point of view is disagreeable. Be sure to read and abide by the TOS and if you haven't already done so check out all the resources available here.
Chat later.
Step[h
Welcome Amanda!
I can relate to the foster home stuff. I was in foster homes from about the age of 5 to the age of 11. I got busted in one of them for trying to act like a girl and was severely self conscious for decades.
My real family kind of treats my brothers and me with kid gloves. I think that being in foster care the way we were brings out their sensitivity.
I hope everything goes well with your planning. Just remember that in the beginning, the whole entire journey looks more difficult than once you've gotten on your way.
Peace,
Rebbeca
Hello Amanda and welcome to Susan's!
Thank you for your wonderful introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with the site, review the site rules, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay! :)
tink :icon_chick:
hi amanda
i myself grew up in childrens homes from a very early age 18 months old all the way through till i was 17 i was fostered but didnt work buring my stay in the home i was caught dressing like a girl and i got all the talks how wrong it was so i can understand a little how you must of felt
i hope you enjoy your time here i am new here myself but i have found this site a blessing to me i hope you feel the same
best wishes
amanda
ps great name :)
Hi Amanda! Welcome!
Quote from: Amanda2005 on July 11, 2007, 05:48:07 PMI'm slowly coming out of my shell about this but I do fear retaliation. But for me to be "ME", I must do this for my own sanity and well being.
I can certainly relate to that. I think may of us can.
There are a number of PNW'ers here but, unfortunately, I'm not one of them. But I'm happy to make your acquaintance and hope we'll get to know each other better real soon.
hugs & smiles
Emelye
Hi amanda, great intro. I hope u r happy here and make many new friends, 'susans place' has been the back bone of support 4 me and helps many tg boyz n girlz to learn to live life. Enjoy your stay
Since I posted my intro, alot has happened that I figured that I would share. I came out to my sister and her daughter that I was TG. I didn't get the response that I was expecting. The thing is, she already knew. She has known for about 16 years. I asked her why she didn't confront me on it and she told me that it was better if I came to her first. So now that she knows, I'm not as stressed out. She said that she was going to be behind me through entire transision process. Christina, her daughter knew as well. It's amazing how when you try to hide something for so long in fear of retaliation only to find out that there was no need to hide in the first place.
Now, I'm in the process to START the process. I just can't seem to find the right resoureses in this area. For the first time in my life, I feel that I can truely be myself, be the person I really am WITHOUT FEAR.
Awe honey, everyone I've ever come out to had the same response "I knew that" ---- it was rather disappointing, at best.