are there any other ladies out there who made major sacrifices in order to transition? for instance I have decided to move all my stuff to a storage bin and sleep in my car for the next 90 days while I save up money for my transition and to get out of debt. I am 10 days into doing that's already. I don't expect anyone to understand. I am doing what is necessary in order to clean my financial slate. I have never been more proud and happier than right now than. why? because for once I am doing what I need to do for me to move forward with my transition. I have a good job and have been able to make it work thus far. I was wondering if any other ladies have made sacrifices for their transition that they would like to share
to inspire others who may be struggling. I was living in an apartment that was extremely noisy and I couldn't get any sleep anyway. I actually get more sleep in my car then I got in my apartment. thank you ladies for continuing to inspire me with all your sharing on this forum. danielle
I lost a 16 year marriage and one child, my daughter. My son decided to stay with me and being Full Time in my presentation it was only awkward for him for about four days. He accepts me now and my parents have begrudgingly accepted me for the most part. I have not lost nearly as much as I thought I would, but money is tight. Since the divorce it has started to eat into my SRS fund, but it is not too bad yet. I have not lost nearly what some of the others here have though.
You have my admiration and respect which are two things I value a lot and don't just bestow on just anyone. What YOU are doing shows tremendous resolve, dedication and planning. :eusa_clap: I think you will come out of this in great shape and have a happy life. Congrats on the extremes you are going to in order to be who you are inside! :)
Sure, I get it. I decided to go drive a tractor trailer not because I wanted to, I never really enjoy driving anything larger than a van. Basically I know I needed more income than what I had, and I knew I could just not go home and sleep in the truck. I mean it isn't even that bad because you have a bed, and everything else, and if you never go home your dispatcher loves you as that means more work.
In the end I couldn't really do it as long as would be needed to really save up all the money I would need, I ended up doing that for less than a year, but now I rent a room for a reasonably low price and just go home on the weekends. Saving that money allowed me to do things I never thought I would be able to and allowed me to really change my lifestyle to a point where transition isn't some financial impossibility, it might take a couple of years still, but that is a million times closer than I was a mere two years ago.
I also rent a storage unit, even though I have a bedroom and car in addition to my truck, not sure when I will be able to use my stuff again, but when I do I want to legally be a woman using my stuff.
I am not afford to sacrifice anything, and I gave up transition several years ago.
Good luck!
barbie~~
Jessica thank you so much. I don't have custody of my kids so.I am able to do this. when I do get them I take them to a hotel and we go swimming.that's always fun when it's cold. my kids live full time with their mother and I get them as my work schedule permits. I see them every week and am very close to them. its hard when you don't have the same work schedule every week that constantly changes between nights and days. I was fortunate to have an amicable divorce. my ex wife understand completely so we are able to make it work
Hmm my sacrifice. I parted and sold a car that I had been working on building/making a local legend, pouring blood sweat tears and memories of friends and times that went on over a 8 year period to pay for my surgery. Sadly if I just focused I could have paid for the surgery many times over with the money that went into that car. Do I miss it? Yes, it was fun, exilerating, and some of the best times of my life. Do I regret selling/parting it out? Nope, I'd do it again, if it came down to it because while it was fun it never gave me the one thing I needed most..... Serenity for my soul
Quote from: danielle28 on February 13, 2014, 10:38:14 PM
are there any other ladies out there who made major sacrifices in order to transition?
I gave up a 20+ year marriage and the opportunity to live with my 16-year-old daughter. I feel both losses daily, but it was more than worth it for the opportunity to be me.
I lost my ex, and in a related way, my house. In another view it clarified who didn't belong in my life anyhow.
I'm a little more luckier I didn't have anything to begin with.
I am early in transition but I am in the process of losing a 26 year marriage, and I expect to lose more as this process unfolds. In the last two years I have lost a house with a fully equipped garage full of tools, have run through my savings, have taken on a lot of debt, and now live a very modest life in a small apartment. I drive a 15 year old derelict car that's held together with spit & bubble gum.
With those losses come gains. I have gained the real me, and I have gained true happiness and I have made lots of new friends - life is good. If my soon to be ex-wife doesn't appreciate or want to be with the new, improved, happy, fabulous me then surely someone else will :)
I lost a 35 year marriage, my eldest and youngest adult sons, and my grandchildren by those adult sons.
Had nothing to lose.
I have nothing of my own, but that's literally because I just recently became old enough to have a job and I don't think there are any real good places to work around here, so I don't bother.
I have a chance in life to prevent myself from losing anything. I've already taken the precaution of only dating extremely tolerant heterosexual men (my type) who are willing to wait for my transition and see only my personality. I'm not sexually attracted to women so I'll never have a wife.
My hope is that I find a straight/bi guy in college while I'm pre-op but living full-time as female on hormones. That way we can work together to buy a house, and once we get settled down we can start saving up for my SRS (which I'm sure he'd love very much).
My old life... which included my parents...
All as I had to start my new life is my best friend and a nearly completed qualification and some female hormones starting their work.
I love my new life and it was worth it.. now I even have my mother back... she now loves having a daughter.. my father passed on before accepting his daughter.
my mother and father have passed, but I think they knew I was heading down this path because of my childhood cross dressing and behavior. They always just let me be. I think though I'm going to lose my niece and nephews when I'm full time.
I'll let you know after I tell my folks...I fully expect to be cut off (at least by my father) and cut out of the will.
Hmm. Well i got a job and lost it. But now I'm suing and have a major law firm behind me, so maybe I didn't lose after all. But I noticed that I did lose my testes. They seem to have vanished and now it looks like I have a vag in my underwear which is weird. Uh, I lost the ability to care about gender change fiction or erotica. I used to love that stuff and now have no use for it. Since, ya know, I'm living it.
Hmm, my brother doesn't seem very happy with me and we had a huge fight thru text messages. But he'll come around. My mom did. Basically.
So, I haven't lost much of anything. And I have stuff to lose. Things could get a lot worse. In fact, I think I have gained quite a lot like a great friend or ex-BF or future husband (he be really confused). So, all in all, it's greaaaat.
This thread really got the waterworks going for me. Apparently I've won the trans* lottery and I must admit that I have some major survivor's guilt issues.
I had no idea what would happen to me after I bared myself to the world. I was a nervous wreck for months. Coming out to my wife was the first thing I did, and I know now that could have gone really badly. In fact, had I known that the odds of my marriage surviving were something like 9 to 1 against, I probably would have tried to bottle it up (dark pun intended) even longer. Maybe it's a good thing I wasn't doing much research back then. My wife rocks, BTW.
Telling family was hard as well. Again, we had no idea how the parental units would take it. They all run pretty conservative, except for my mother, who is fairly middle-of-the-road and has a PhD in microbiology. Ironically, she probably took it the worst of all of them. My wife didn't think her parents would take it well, and perhaps disinherit her from a small fortune, but they accepted me right away and were immediately happy for me. My parents took some time to come around, but my brother and sister were completely nonchalant with it. One of my sister's best friends from high school was MTF, so she already knew the drill.
So I guess I pretty much ended up with a best-case scenario. I know I could have just as easily been dead or destitute, but you can't win if you don't play. I guess it's a good thing I didn't realize until later that the game was a lot like Russian roulette...
Big hugs to all of you that got hit hard by the trans* wrecking ball.
Jill : You hit the nail on the head with the phrase "survivor's guilt issues." I've never known what to call it before, but yeah, I feel the same way. I was *prepared* to lose everything... and lucked out unbelievably. I have never even been suicidal over being trans; I'm sometimes afraid to speak up (and only seeing you do so gave me the courage!) about this stuff because I feel so weird and bad that nothing terrible happened to me over it. Not that I'd *want* it to, but yeah.
It's difficult to quantify what I've lost, because it feels like it was my fault. I spent 9 years holed up in my home, refusing to interact with anyone but my absolute closest of friends -- which dwindled down to two in the end. My contact with others became lesser and lesser as I both suspected a lack of acceptance and felt all too uncomfortable going out in the "wrong body."
About 6 years in, I started HRT. At the end of the 9th year, I got a job. I'm currently in year 10 and have saved $7,000 of my suspected $18,000 for FFS. It feels like it was my fault because I let fear and depression get the best of me. If I had taken the initiative the moment I stepped out of high school, I would have finished all respective surgeries and managed to get myself through school, leading a financially better life at this point. 9 years is a long time to remain idle. 9 years is what I feel like I gave up, and even though I can understand why I shied away from the world all that time, it still feels like it was my doing and I have no one else to blame.
I gave up a relationship of three years, my place to live. the chance of ever seeing my family again, and my home state. I moved to california with nothing but a suitcase, and through a bit of networking started my transition while living homeless there
Quote from: danielle28 on February 13, 2014, 10:38:14 PM
are there any other ladies out there who made major sacrifices in order to transition? for instance I have decided to move all my stuff to a storage bin and sleep in my car for the next 90 days while I save up money for my transition and to get out of debt. I am 10 days into doing that's already. I don't expect anyone to understand. I am doing what is necessary in order to clean my financial slate. I have never been more proud and happier than right now than. why? because for once I am doing what I need to do for me to move forward with my transition. I have a good job and have been able to make it work thus far. I was wondering if any other ladies have made sacrifices for their transition that they would like to share
to inspire others who may be struggling. I was living in an apartment that was extremely noisy and I couldn't get any sleep anyway. I actually get more sleep in my car then I got in my apartment. thank you ladies for continuing to inspire me with all your sharing on this forum. danielle
We all make a great deal of sacrifices. One doesn't know the true value of identity until you go to change it entirely. Which is why I get so livid when people consider me a joke.
This isn't a joke, it's my life, and transmen and women often have to sacrifice relationships, marriages, custody of children, family, close friends, and livelihoods just because we want to be honest with the world. Some transwomen have been raped, murdered, and/or beaten for this same honesty.
It isn't a frivolous decision to make to transition. From the outsiders point of view there is little to no benefit especially when considering all of the negatives. From and insiders point of view it's a cost worth paying to escape which is all too often a lifetime of self-loathing, depression, pain, and insurmountable anger.
It is ridiculous to me that such a high price often has to be paid but that's the way the world is.
-AM
thank you all for the incredible sacrifices you have shared so far. It brings a tear to my eye also and comfort knowing that others have made major sacrifices to be ourselves.the one common thread and is the sacrifices people made to be themselves, resulted in happiness and joy despite their pain. Oriah my heart goes out to you. I would give you a big hug if I could. You are very courageous and your sharing has inspired me. I continue to hope that this thread will give other women transitioning inspiration and strength to continue despite the sacrifices that they may have to make in order to truly be free to be themselves with no masks. Hugs to all my sisters on this Valentines Day! Danielle
Quote from: danielle28 on February 13, 2014, 10:38:14 PM
are there any other ladies out there who made major sacrifices in order to transition? for instance I have decided to move all my stuff to a storage bin and sleep in my car for the next 90 days while I save up money for my transition and to get out of debt. I am 10 days into doing that's already. I don't expect anyone to understand. I am doing what is necessary in order to clean my financial slate. I have never been more proud and happier than right now than. why? because for once I am doing what I need to do for me to move forward with my transition. I have a good job and have been able to make it work thus far. I was wondering if any other ladies have made sacrifices for their transition that they would like to share
to inspire others who may be struggling. I was living in an apartment that was extremely noisy and I couldn't get any sleep anyway. I actually get more sleep in my car then I got in my apartment. thank you ladies for continuing to inspire me with all your sharing on this forum. danielle
Let's see, I spent all of the money I could have had to have a comfortable retirement, so now I have to work when I am old. I lost my job when I told them of my transition, and this despite a company with a perfect 100 HRC score (which proved to me how little it mattered). I told them one day, and the very next morning I was fired and walked out of the building. I decided to go full time that day and take the biggest gamble of my life and spend every penny I had in the world on FFS surgery hoping for the best. The very next day I filed my name change and went full time, without having a job.
I was out of work for about 4 months, some of that time being used for surgical recovery. I had no money except an unemployment check. I still needed electrolysis every week, and so I decided, ramen noodles or electrolysis? So I ate more ramen noodles than I will need for a lifetime.
I was laughed out of a few interviews, some people wouldn't even shake my hand and thank me for coming in. I saved money and went without a great many things for 2 years just to pay for my SRS surgery. I bought clothes at goodwill, a junky car that barely made it to electrolysis every week, and whatever insurance I had never seemed to cover my therapy, who insisted I did one year of RLE with 1 visit a week. It took some serious persistence like 50 hours/week, but I managed to land another job making about 60% of what I earned as a male. That parts funny. Nothing changed, no change in education or experience, but an ID that said female and I was worth less in the market place.
I haven't talked to my own parents or my sister in almost 20 years now. Almost everyone in my family knew about me, since I was dressing up even as a kid and even in high school. No shocker, they all thought it was "a phase" it would go away and I would turn out "normal". I didn't turn out normal and honestly if we tried to sit down and talk now it would be like complete strangers having a conversation about the weather.
When I woke up from my surgery, I knew it was all worth it at that moment. I had finished what I started, well the expensive bits at least. When I did my BA surgery 2 years later it wasn't an expense, it was a treat. Something I treated myself for a job well done.
I gave up a lot just for the honor of being able to wear a bikini to the beach or having to sit down to pee, but I wouldn't change anything. It was still worth the effort even all these years later. I was able to rebuild my life and actually come out ahead. Now I have a future worth living. Sacrifices? Yes, maybe not life threatening but major. Do it again? Yes only because it was what I was born to do.
One of the worlds leading child psychologists discovered that it is built into us to like that which is like us, and dislike that which is different. Most children grow out of it, or are taught a better way. In a perfect world age would impart wisdom, but sadly, in this world, it is not a given. I can see the other side of the coin, but am horrified by the cruelty and violence fear can generate.
My friendship with my ex seems likely now to endure, and honestly, I'm not that close to my family anymore.
All that being said, the only sacrifice I can see at this point is my, for the lack of a better word, courage.
I can see inside this body the girl that I am. A very athletic lifestyle has left me with more muscle mass than the average 40+ year old male, and the unwillingness to back down has left me with an ability to defend myself that most people will never have. I hadn't felt afraid physically in so long I had almost forgotten what it felt like. I already see myself as smaller and weaker, and with the potential for violence inherent in dating for a girl in our position, I feel fear. It may not seem like much to most of the ladies here but for me it's huge.
Having no wife and children and not being close to my family, I have absolutely nothing to lose, and my whole life to gain. Who would have thought the only thing I miss is my courage. So lame after seeing so many lose so much, but there it is.
My grandfather used to say,"You can have anything you want in this world as long as you are willing to pay the price." There is no price I am unwilling to pay, or sacrifice I am unwilling to make to walk out into the world as myself.
Financially I will be destitute when all is said and done. So be it.
I only wish that it wouldn't be necessary for some to sacrifice all to be happy.
Michelle
Lets see ..... my parents, my sister, my home town, all my childhood friends, everything I knew, all forms of security ..... pretty much everything and started all over from nothing at age 24
Kia Ora Danielle,
There's another way to look at this and that is, you didn't give up or lose anything, but just let it go... freed it (and yourself)...
I freed my ex to live her life, I freed my 'self' from the attachment I had to our house, car, etc etc...I gave everything to my ex and our children and started with a clean slate-I willingly let it all go, without any resentment or complaint but not without some sadness, that comes from letting go of a loving family relationship of 15 years...However I still have a loving relationship with all of my children and a cool but amicable one with my ex....It's been like this for around 16/17 years now (I began my journey back in 1997/8)...
Remember: If you think of "letting go" as "freedom" and not "loss of something" that simple switch in ones mindset can work wonders for ones sense of well being...
"If you change the way you look at things the things you look at change !"
Metta Zenda :)
Quote from: Zumbagirl on February 14, 2014, 06:08:45 PM
Yes only because it was what I was born to do.
Poignant. You seem to have already determined.
barbie~~
I lost an 11 year marriage and 1 daughter my eldest daughter lives with me and supports me, I also sold my $8000 Lego collection to pay for the start of transition if my daughter wasn't with me I would probably be living in my car aswell.
Emily.T xx
the weiner?
I was prepared to lose everything. Instead, I gained honesty and freedom from self deception or other deception. Time will tell if there are other losses, but my friends and family were chosen for me well, for those who I choose to fully reveal myself to.
But it came with a lot of pain and a very high cost emotionally. I chose to sacrifice showing my true self (full transition) to loved ones that can't handle it. Those that can think I'm pretty. :)
The rest can't see under my loose sweaters. And I'm sorry, I am NOT cutting my nails to suit someone else.
I may lose more, but the key folks stayed with me, much to my great surprise.
I choose to sacrifice going out transitioned externally. My transition - fully as a pre op - , is mind and body and not necessary societal. It's none of their business and not for them to judge.
Lost nearly everything but now have what counts. It was worth it.
I didnt had to make any sacrifices...
For me transition is just a path that requires patience in order to endure all the dysphoria...
if I had to deal with the loss of family , home etc I dont know if id be able to cope...
So far I've lost a lucrative career, my entire family, and I'm in the process of losing my home. In fact, if things don't change, I can expect to lose basically everything. Not fun.
I basically gave up my possibility to have normal relationship with a woman and have somewhat normal family. I only realize how important is this too me until I lose it.
I have been dealing with the turmoil of whether or not to transition for years. I now need to be true to myself no matter the sacrifice. I divorced 5 years ago so this will not impact on a partner. Dynamics of relationships with friends and family are a concern. I also worry about my job - colleagues and clients alike. Time will tell! I need to think about me and try not worry about the perceptions of others
Quote from: bingunginter on February 15, 2014, 08:59:54 AM
I basically gave up my possibility to have normal relationship with a woman and have somewhat normal family. I only realize how important is this too me until I lose it.
In my case it is the opposite , I liked women (although not as much as men ) , and sometimes when I was craving for sweet tender love I got the opportunity for relations with cis women , but I just couldn't do it with they expecting me to be a 'man' .
About sacrifice , I am ok with loosing my family (which doesn't accept anything LGBTQI ), loosing my job ( but I didn't liked it anyway , it was just a way to make some good money ) and also I am willing to loose the money I got so far , in favor of some FFS . I had some 'friends' but I loosed them long ago , as I gradually accepted myself in the LGBTQI great family .
But I am feeling great about all of that , and although I still have many issues to fix , I am really happy with the direction my life seems to take .
Quote from: milktea on February 14, 2014, 09:48:30 PM
the weiner?
I don't know why, but this was so funny to me. It really made me laugh. Thanks for that!
Quote from: milktea on February 14, 2014, 09:48:30 PM
the weiner?
OMG, we should totally have an annual Susan's Place weenie roast for the MTFs. I'd hate to exclude the FTMs and everyone else, so maybe we should rock a taco bar as well?
Quote from: Jill F on February 15, 2014, 05:13:28 PM
OMG, we should totally have an annual Susan's Place weenie roast for the MTFs. I'd hate to exclude the FTMs and everyone else, so maybe we should rock a taco bar as well?
Lol that would be so cool
Quote from: Jill F on February 15, 2014, 05:13:28 PM
OMG, we should totally have an annual Susan's Place weenie roast for the MTFs. I'd hate to exclude the FTMs and everyone else, so maybe we should rock a taco bar as well?
yes, an outstanding idea.
I know where this is going.
It's going to leave a bad taste in my mouth. :laugh:
I kid you not, the woman who runs the B&B for Brassard served sausages on our last night before heading to the hospital. :) They said it's a tradition!
Quote from: Jenna Marie on February 15, 2014, 06:30:20 PM
I kid you not, the woman who runs the B&B for Brassard served sausages on our last night before heading to the hospital. :) They said it's a tradition!
But what if you're a strict vagitarian? LOL!!!
Quote from: Jill F on February 15, 2014, 05:13:28 PM
OMG, we should totally have an annual Susan's Place weenie roast for the MTFs. I'd hate to exclude the FTMs and everyone else, so maybe we should rock a taco bar as well?
Hahahaha. I just would like to say I love your posts, Jill. :)
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 15, 2014, 07:00:27 PM
Hahahaha. I just would like to say I love your posts, Jill. :)
I like your style too, Mr. H!
Quote from: Jill F on February 15, 2014, 08:44:10 PM
I like your style too, Mr. H!
I'm not nearly as entertaining as you though. ;)
Quote from: Mr Hockey on February 15, 2014, 09:09:20 PM
I'm not nearly as entertaining as you though. ;)
I would have to agree Mr H
i'm so happy to derail a perfectly serious thread...yet again!